1 00:00:02,961 --> 00:00:04,421 Michael: I am on a lecture circuit. 2 00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:06,256 I'm going around to all the branches, 3 00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:09,259 and I am telling them my secret recipe for success. 4 00:00:09,384 --> 00:00:12,095 I have now memorized all of your names. 5 00:00:12,429 --> 00:00:17,559 Shirty, mole, lazy eye, Mexico, baldy. 6 00:00:17,935 --> 00:00:19,645 Hi, Kelly. Screw you. 7 00:00:19,728 --> 00:00:20,771 Excuse me. 8 00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:22,064 Screw you, too. 9 00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:23,649 You forgot her birthday. 10 00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:25,192 And I turn it on and I say, 11 00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:28,529 "prepare yourself for the utica chain store massacre." 12 00:00:28,946 --> 00:00:30,572 How's Jim? We're engaged. 13 00:00:30,656 --> 00:00:31,925 Oh, my god. I'm so happy for you. 14 00:00:31,949 --> 00:00:33,408 Wow. Thank you. 15 00:00:33,492 --> 00:00:39,414 "Kelly kapoor spent April 1995 to December 1996 at berks county youth center." 16 00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:41,542 Juvie. 17 00:00:41,625 --> 00:00:43,627 You remember Holly? 18 00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:45,796 She used to work for hr. 19 00:00:45,963 --> 00:00:47,297 She was the love of my life. 20 00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:50,384 She just left and I never got closure. 21 00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:53,971 And I feel like I need to go to nashua and get closure. 22 00:00:54,638 --> 00:00:56,807 Okay. Let's go. 23 00:01:21,665 --> 00:01:22,666 Two. 24 00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:24,001 I didn't eat lunch. 25 00:01:25,002 --> 00:01:27,087 I didn't eat all my lunch. 26 00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:30,841 Hello, everyone. 27 00:01:32,384 --> 00:01:35,596 Ice cream. Nice, Kevin. Looks good. 28 00:01:36,305 --> 00:01:38,348 It... yeah. 29 00:01:39,016 --> 00:01:41,518 Angela, you're more chipper than usual. 30 00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:46,023 I am proud to announce that there is a new addition to the Martin family. 31 00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:50,986 She's hypo-allergenic, she doesn't struggle when you try to dress her, 32 00:01:51,069 --> 00:01:52,821 she's a third-generation show cat. 33 00:01:52,904 --> 00:01:55,115 Her father was in meet the parents. 34 00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:57,492 Needless to say, she's very, very expensive. 35 00:01:57,576 --> 00:01:59,119 How much? $7,000. 36 00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:01,955 For a cat? I can get you a kid for that. 37 00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:03,600 Where did you get that kind of money? 38 00:02:03,624 --> 00:02:05,959 I sold Andy's engagement ring on eBay. 39 00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:07,961 Wait, you didn't give it back? 40 00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:10,088 He wouldn't have wanted that. 41 00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:12,299 Her name is Princess lady. 42 00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:15,844 Seven grand. I've got to see that little bitch. 43 00:02:15,927 --> 00:02:18,096 I have something better than a picture. Come on. 44 00:02:18,597 --> 00:02:20,724 Oscar: You have your cats on nanny cam. 45 00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:24,019 Yeah. I mean, I usually try to take leave when I get a new cat, 46 00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:25,687 but I'm out of vacation days, 47 00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:28,357 and this company still doesn't recognize cat maternity. 48 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:30,692 I mean, somebody has a kid, oh, sure, take off a year. 49 00:02:30,776 --> 00:02:32,986 She's right. I had my second kid just for the vacation. 50 00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:35,405 Right. Anyways, I just want to make sure 51 00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:37,616 Princess lady is acclimating well. 52 00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:39,701 She means more to me than anyone. 53 00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:41,495 Any cat, you mean. 54 00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:43,413 And person. 55 00:02:48,752 --> 00:02:52,381 So, detour. We're now adding nashua to the lecture circuit, 56 00:02:52,464 --> 00:02:55,759 so Michael can confront Holly and get some closure. 57 00:02:55,926 --> 00:02:58,095 Nashua actually sounded very excited on the phone. 58 00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:00,972 I don't think they get a lot of visitors. 59 00:03:01,056 --> 00:03:04,142 Because their office is only accessible by cross-country skis. 60 00:03:04,226 --> 00:03:05,226 (Exclaims) 61 00:03:05,268 --> 00:03:06,269 (Chuckles) 62 00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:09,272 I've been driving too long. 63 00:03:11,108 --> 00:03:13,086 Dwight: What did you do? Kelly: Stop yelling at me! 64 00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:15,195 What did you do? I didn't do anything. 65 00:03:15,278 --> 00:03:16,488 What did you learn in there? 66 00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:18,573 Illbetyou learned things, huh? 67 00:03:18,657 --> 00:03:20,575 Like how to fashion a shiv. 68 00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:22,285 Hey, what the hell's going on? 69 00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:25,455 Why don't you tell Jim where you were from ages 14 to 15? 70 00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:26,915 I was kicking it. 71 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,375 In juvie. 72 00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:32,295 What? Juvie-nile detention center. 73 00:03:32,838 --> 00:03:34,078 Where they send teenagers. Yep. 74 00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:35,132 For re... got it. 75 00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:36,466 What did you do, huh? 76 00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,218 Hey, Dwight, sounds like she was 14, 77 00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:39,529 so maybe we want to go a little easy. 78 00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:40,822 If she's old enough to get married, 79 00:03:40,846 --> 00:03:42,681 she's old enough to follow the law. 80 00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:44,349 What did you do? 81 00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:47,978 My boyfriend dumped me, so I stole his boat. 82 00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:50,939 He told me it was his boat. It was actually his father's. 83 00:03:51,022 --> 00:03:53,150 I just thought it'd be really romantic, 84 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,569 like Thelma & Louise, but with, like, a boat. 85 00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:58,071 And it was the worst year of my life. 86 00:03:58,155 --> 00:03:59,740 And I can't believe that you guys are 87 00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:01,908 making me talk about this on my birthday. 88 00:04:01,992 --> 00:04:03,803 I thought you said yesterday was your birthday. 89 00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:06,455 Hey, you know what? I got you a cake. 90 00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:10,375 You did? I want to see the cake. 91 00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:14,087 And, ta-dah. 92 00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:17,007 I hate it. 93 00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:18,370 How do you hate it? It's a cake. 94 00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:21,303 Well, there's no flowers or toys or... 95 00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:23,096 I mean, there's nothing on it. 96 00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:25,265 Where did you even find a cake like this? 97 00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:26,708 It doesn't even have my name on it. 98 00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,047 Do you guys know what my name is? 99 00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:29,978 My name is Kelly. Right. 100 00:04:30,187 --> 00:04:33,523 I forgot if there was an "e" between the "I" and the "y." 101 00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:34,816 I still don't know. 102 00:04:35,066 --> 00:04:37,569 I don't even know what the theme is! What's the theme? 103 00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:41,990 It's birthday. Frosting. 104 00:04:42,073 --> 00:04:43,867 Those aren't themes. 105 00:04:45,869 --> 00:04:47,746 There's always a theme. 106 00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:50,874 There's always a theme. 107 00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:53,794 Nice job on the cake, bozo. 108 00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:56,063 Okay, you know what? Next time, I'll let you get the cake 109 00:04:56,087 --> 00:04:58,131 and I get to scream at the birthday girl. 110 00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:03,386 Okay, a little bit more closer to the sign. 111 00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:05,680 Yeah. 112 00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:12,437 Dollookokay? Youlookgood. 113 00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:16,399 Hi. Hi, can I help you? 114 00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:19,444 Yes, you can. I am Michael Scott, 115 00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:21,047 regional manager of the Scranton branch. 116 00:05:21,071 --> 00:05:22,989 Yes, we were expecting you. Have a seat. 117 00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:24,574 Thank you. 118 00:05:26,409 --> 00:05:29,246 Is Holly flax anywhere here? 119 00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:33,250 Actually, she's on an hr retreat for the next three days. 120 00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:35,752 She's not here? 121 00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:38,564 But if you need to get in touch with her immediately, 122 00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:40,715 you could talk to a.J. He's a salesman here. 123 00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:44,594 Yeah, he's her boyfriend. He's just over there. 124 00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:05,657 She has a boyfriend. 125 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,784 I'm so sorry, Michael. 126 00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:16,626 How could she do this to me, Pam? 127 00:06:20,171 --> 00:06:22,465 She's not doing it to hurt you. 128 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,511 I can't do the presentation, I can't. 129 00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:32,142 Just thinking about seeing him, 130 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:37,564 and thinking about him getting to hold her 131 00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:41,943 and getting to kiss her is just... oh, god. 132 00:06:42,027 --> 00:06:44,195 Listen, when Jim was dating Karen, 133 00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:45,906 I didn't want to come to work. 134 00:06:45,989 --> 00:06:47,866 It was awful, I hated it. 135 00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:51,620 I wanted to quit, but... Just, please, come on. 136 00:06:51,703 --> 00:06:53,663 I'm going through something, okay? 137 00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:56,207 (Sighs) 138 00:06:57,334 --> 00:06:59,252 You know, when Holly gets back, 139 00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:02,172 everyone will tell her what a great job you did. 140 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:04,507 And then she'll realize what she's missing. 141 00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:07,969 And then she'll move back to Scranton, and her boyfriend will die. 142 00:07:08,053 --> 00:07:11,181 Yeah, maybe. Maybe. 143 00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:13,516 One step at a time. 144 00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:17,270 You can do this. 145 00:07:19,314 --> 00:07:20,815 I can do this. 146 00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:24,694 It could be snacks or... 147 00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:26,404 But why would we... 148 00:07:26,488 --> 00:07:28,156 (Cats meowing on computer) 149 00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:30,700 Is that what I think it is? 150 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:32,994 Good god! 151 00:07:33,495 --> 00:07:34,621 (All gasping) 152 00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:37,999 That one ugly cat is humping Princess lady. 153 00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:39,626 No! Meredith: Awesome. 154 00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:42,671 Stop it, Mr. Ash! Bad cat, that is very bad. 155 00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:45,632 You stop it right now. I swear he is fixed. 156 00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:47,759 I know fixed, that ain't fixed. Kevin: No way. 157 00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:49,445 No, now listen, you can't let what you see 158 00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:50,971 here Sully your image of them. 159 00:07:51,054 --> 00:07:53,306 They are good, decent cats. 160 00:07:53,390 --> 00:07:55,183 I got to go. I'll be back in an hour. 161 00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,102 Oh, stop that! 162 00:07:58,144 --> 00:07:59,688 Kevin: The other one's watching. 163 00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:02,482 Okay, so all we need is a theme. 164 00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:06,486 And cups, and ice, and punch, and a cake. 165 00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:07,696 Busy. 166 00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:10,007 Hey, what's that show that she's always talking about? 167 00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:11,324 Is this how you are with Pam? 168 00:08:11,408 --> 00:08:13,576 Because she must want to shoot herself in the face. 169 00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:14,887 You know what? I could use a little help. 170 00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:16,830 You know what? I'm a little busy. 171 00:08:19,416 --> 00:08:23,878 We have a lot to do, and you are 172 00:08:23,962 --> 00:08:26,047 putting up a very effeminate sign. 173 00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:27,233 Is that what you've been doing? Making a sign? 174 00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:29,259 It's not effeminate. It's festive. 175 00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:31,011 You've been making that sign 176 00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:33,364 for something that we could just announce to the whole office? 177 00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:35,181 Hey, everybody, the party's now at 3:00! 178 00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:37,434 I know, I just read it on the sign. 179 00:08:42,105 --> 00:08:47,444 Good morning, viet-nashua! 180 00:08:49,237 --> 00:08:55,285 Sales. Sales is what brings us together today. 181 00:08:56,119 --> 00:09:01,249 How do we deal with clients who say, 182 00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:04,753 "frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn about paper," 183 00:09:04,836 --> 00:09:08,715 and get them to show us the money? 184 00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:12,135 Well, we are going to find out today. 185 00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:14,596 Show of hands, how many of you are salesmen? 186 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:15,805 Let's see the salesmen. 187 00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:19,059 Oh, okay. Well, I know what the rest of you are thinking. 188 00:09:19,142 --> 00:09:24,606 "Wow, yuck, salesmen are the worst, they are awful. 189 00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:29,778 "They are so arrogant. They think the whole place revolves around them. 190 00:09:29,861 --> 00:09:35,533 "Handsome, good listeners, funny. Mr. Wonderful." 191 00:09:35,617 --> 00:09:38,912 So, okay, you're a salesman, what's your name? 192 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:43,374 A.j. What kind of name is a.J.? What, do you race cars? 193 00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:44,501 (Chuckles) 194 00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,270 I'm a salesman, that's why I raised my hand. 195 00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:49,089 Ouch. Okay. Good. 196 00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:51,216 You're funny, very good and funny. 197 00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:55,261 Tell me, a.J., are you dating? Is there somebody you date? 198 00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:59,557 Yeah. Why, you interested? 199 00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:01,017 (All chuckling) 200 00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:03,228 I have a question about discounts from distributors. 201 00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:04,813 Yep, we will get to you. 202 00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:06,981 Okay, so you're dating somebody. 203 00:10:09,192 --> 00:10:10,527 Isitsedous? 204 00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:13,780 It's pretty serious. Yes. 205 00:10:18,993 --> 00:10:20,203 Does she ever talk about me? 206 00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:21,538 Oh, god. 207 00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:24,457 Excuse me? 208 00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:25,981 What does this have to do with sales? 209 00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:27,544 It's all connected, shut up. 210 00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:29,254 Does she ever mention Michael Scott? 211 00:10:30,713 --> 00:10:32,465 No. What are you talking about? 212 00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:33,633 (Sighs) 213 00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:36,469 Does it feel good? 214 00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:38,388 Does what feel good? 215 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:41,933 Your life. Oh, wow. 216 00:10:42,851 --> 00:10:44,018 (Michael exhales) 217 00:10:44,102 --> 00:10:45,145 (Groans) 218 00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:47,522 My legs are sort of giving out. 219 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,941 Long drive in the car, so let me... 220 00:10:50,024 --> 00:10:52,026 Just continue. 221 00:10:54,737 --> 00:10:58,158 Oh, wow. Okay. 222 00:10:58,241 --> 00:10:59,701 Michael, get off the floor. 223 00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:03,705 Yeah, yeah, I can't do this, Pam. 224 00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,834 Just read the cards. No, no, no. 225 00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:09,335 Michael, you have to do it. 226 00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:11,212 No, I'm okay. I'm all right. 227 00:11:11,963 --> 00:11:13,506 (Exhales) 228 00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:17,760 Okay. Okay. 229 00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:24,475 That was weird, huh? 230 00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:27,687 It's all part of the presentation. 231 00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:31,649 It was confusing, right? 232 00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:37,780 Because confusing situations happen to us all the time in our jobs. 233 00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:43,745 I'm just trying to bridge the gap between what just happened 234 00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:47,165 and the fact that I'm going to be doing the rest of the presentation. 235 00:11:49,751 --> 00:11:53,213 (In southern accent) Sales is like a box of chocolates. 236 00:11:53,296 --> 00:11:56,341 You never know which vendor you're gonna get. 237 00:11:58,301 --> 00:11:59,385 Forrest Gump. 238 00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:06,893 Blazer, freckles, penguin, 239 00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:09,979 k.d. Lang, Holly's boyfriend. 240 00:12:11,105 --> 00:12:15,401 These mnemonic devices help to make a connection, 241 00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:19,239 and then also to help you memorize names. 242 00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:23,701 I have a chainsaw! 243 00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:31,668 (Imitates chainsaw humming) 244 00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:33,378 Cutting down the competition. 245 00:12:34,045 --> 00:12:35,421 (Cats meowing on computer) 246 00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:37,924 Angela: Where is that bad cat? You know who you are. 247 00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:40,593 Excuse me, petals, I'm looking for Mr. Ash. 248 00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:43,012 He's a bad cat. Bad, bad cat. 249 00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:45,515 Do you hear me? Bad. You are bad. 250 00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,433 No, you look at me when I talk to you. 251 00:12:47,558 --> 00:12:49,394 Do you hear me, Mr. Ash? Look at me. 252 00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:51,187 (Both chuckling) 253 00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:52,730 (Imita tes cat meowing) 254 00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:54,857 (Imita tes cat hissing) 255 00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:57,527 This is getting weird. 256 00:12:59,654 --> 00:13:01,531 Is she cleaning the cat with her tongue? 257 00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:07,203 (Exclaims) 258 00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:22,218 (Exhales) 259 00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:58,254 (Chuckles) 260 00:14:24,113 --> 00:14:26,115 (Cats meowing on computer) 261 00:14:32,163 --> 00:14:33,664 Has this been on the entire time? 262 00:14:33,748 --> 00:14:35,166 I have no idea. 263 00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:39,253 I was looking at pictures of food on my computer. 264 00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:42,924 Well, sorry I'm late. 265 00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:44,384 (Clears throat) 266 00:14:45,676 --> 00:14:47,470 (Coughing) 267 00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,482 Oscar: I want to get that image out of my head. 268 00:14:54,769 --> 00:14:57,730 The psychological issues that go behind licking a cat 269 00:14:57,814 --> 00:15:00,149 are not things I want to go into. 270 00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:02,402 Also, I'm pretty sure she coughed up a hairball. 271 00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:07,490 Don't look up. Don't look up. 272 00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:17,875 Want some pie? No. 273 00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:20,211 I went through Holly's things. What? 274 00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:21,754 I stole a sleeve of her sweater. 275 00:15:21,879 --> 00:15:23,381 Oh, Michael. 276 00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:26,259 I also stole something off of her computer. 277 00:15:26,384 --> 00:15:29,595 A document called "dear Michael." You did what? 278 00:15:29,679 --> 00:15:33,182 I shouldn't have done it. It just... I couldn't help it. 279 00:15:34,851 --> 00:15:37,895 She never sent it to you? No, she didn't. 280 00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:40,606 I'm going to read it. 281 00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:41,774 Yes. No. 282 00:15:41,858 --> 00:15:44,610 No, underno circumstances can you read that letter. 283 00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:47,196 It's a violation of her trust. 284 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:48,531 How? 285 00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:50,217 Because she didn't send it to you. I know, I know. 286 00:15:50,241 --> 00:15:51,909 You're right, you're right. 287 00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:57,415 I could read it. 288 00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:00,877 No, iwouldn't... 289 00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:03,588 Yeah, I could read it. 290 00:16:03,671 --> 00:16:05,047 No, you don't have to do that. 291 00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:07,216 Okay. Go get your laptop. 292 00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:13,681 What? I'm not in love with her. 293 00:16:17,018 --> 00:16:18,662 You have to write my suggestions down, too. 294 00:16:18,686 --> 00:16:22,356 I'm not writing "horse hunt." I don't even know what that means. 295 00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:23,900 It's in the name. 296 00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:33,284 Okay, so far, our idea! Party consists of beer, fights to the death, 297 00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:36,454 cupcakes, blood pudding, blood, touch football, 298 00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:39,540 mating, charades and, yes, horse hunting. 299 00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:41,542 You're right. Forget horse hunting. It's stupid. 300 00:16:41,626 --> 00:16:44,337 Look, is there a birthday that you remember that you loved? 301 00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:48,216 Here's one. It was dark, warm, wet. 302 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:53,763 A sudden burst of light, an intense pressure like I'd never felt before. 303 00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:57,475 Father dressed in white pulls me forward, mother bites the cord. 304 00:16:57,558 --> 00:17:00,728 Okay, stop. Forever stop that story. 305 00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:03,856 That's disgusting and it doesn't count. So give me another one. 306 00:17:03,940 --> 00:17:06,150 Schrutes don't celebrate birthdays, idiot. 307 00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:08,486 It started as a depression-era practicality 308 00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:10,321 and then moved on to an awesome tradition 309 00:17:10,404 --> 00:17:12,365 that I look forward to every year. 310 00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:13,491 What about you? 311 00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:15,052 Actually, when I was seven, my dad took me 312 00:17:15,076 --> 00:17:17,119 to the natural history museum in New York, 313 00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:18,663 and we looked at fossils all day. 314 00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:21,499 And at the end of the day, he got me a little plastic triceratops. 315 00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:23,125 It was awesome. 316 00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:26,963 That's cool. Hey, you know what's even cooler than triceratops? 317 00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:30,049 Every other dinosaur that ever existed. 318 00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:32,843 Didn't see that one coming. 319 00:17:39,976 --> 00:17:41,477 It's deleted. 320 00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:42,562 (Stutters) 321 00:17:44,814 --> 00:17:46,315 She still has feelings for you. 322 00:17:46,816 --> 00:17:48,150 She said that? 323 00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:50,736 Is that what it said? What did it say? 324 00:17:50,820 --> 00:17:53,447 I can't tell you specifically, 325 00:17:54,782 --> 00:17:55,908 but it's not over. 326 00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:57,535 You're sure? 327 00:18:04,875 --> 00:18:06,419 (Sighs) 328 00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:07,503 (Chuckles) 329 00:18:10,381 --> 00:18:11,507 Okay. 330 00:18:17,013 --> 00:18:18,014 Oscar: Happy birthday. 331 00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:19,473 Happy birthday. Surprise. 332 00:18:19,557 --> 00:18:22,184 It's... hey, hey, it's not a surprise. 333 00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:24,437 This doesn't look good. 334 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:25,980 What? You have a cake. 335 00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:29,859 You have a delicious cake with your name spelled correctly? 336 00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:34,113 I told you. You haven't heard our theme, though. 337 00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:36,991 You don't hear a theme. You see it. 338 00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:38,784 Why is there a chiclet on my cake? 339 00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:42,371 That's the best part. That represents a pillow. Or a television. 340 00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:43,748 Our theme, if you will. 341 00:18:43,831 --> 00:18:45,392 Because the fun part is you get to decide 342 00:18:45,416 --> 00:18:47,460 on an hour of television or an hour of napping. 343 00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:49,211 That's our theme. 344 00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:52,965 Cool yeah? 345 00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:55,551 I love it. 346 00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:57,136 Oh, yes! Okay, good. 347 00:18:57,219 --> 00:18:58,499 So what's it going to be, kapoor? 348 00:18:58,554 --> 00:19:00,431 Can she pick a half hour of each? 349 00:19:00,514 --> 00:19:01,557 No. 350 00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:03,309 Then pick TV. 351 00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:05,061 Meredith: Pick a nap. Oscar: No, no. TV. 352 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,772 Watching TV at work is really cool. 353 00:19:07,855 --> 00:19:09,899 Pick a nap. Nothing good is on right now. 354 00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:11,192 Bonnie hunt is on. 355 00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:13,194 You know what? I have been watching TV all week. 356 00:19:13,277 --> 00:19:14,654 I choose nap. All right. 357 00:19:14,737 --> 00:19:18,407 Okay, nap it is. Everyone out! Get out. 358 00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:20,409 We're going to be eating cake at our desks. 359 00:19:20,534 --> 00:19:22,411 Let's go. Move it. 360 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:26,749 Let's go, go, go, go, go, come on. I got this. 361 00:19:30,252 --> 00:19:34,924 This is for you. And happy birthday, kell. 362 00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:36,967 Thank you. 363 00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:44,684 Okay. You've got one hour. 364 00:19:47,770 --> 00:19:49,814 I'm too excited to sleep. 365 00:19:55,945 --> 00:19:56,946 Mmm. 366 00:19:57,780 --> 00:19:58,989 Great cake. 367 00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:01,200 Thanks. 368 00:20:06,163 --> 00:20:07,206 (Door opens) 369 00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:11,627 (Banging) 370 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,298 Birthday time is over. 371 00:20:16,382 --> 00:20:17,818 Now go make up for all the work you missed 372 00:20:17,842 --> 00:20:19,552 when you were taking your nap. 373 00:20:23,431 --> 00:20:25,266 Many happy returns. 374 00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:33,858 I feel great. So good to have closure. 375 00:20:34,150 --> 00:20:35,151 (Exclaims) 376 00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:37,570 We should go apologize to Roy or something. 377 00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:39,196 No. We don't need to do that. 378 00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:42,450 Who have I wronged? Who have I wronged? 379 00:20:42,533 --> 00:20:43,743 Oh! Oh! 380 00:20:43,826 --> 00:20:46,078 What about that fat guy from stamford that I insulted? 381 00:20:46,162 --> 00:20:48,664 We should find him. You mean Tony. 382 00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:51,167 Jabba the hutt, pizza the hut. 383 00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:54,420 Fat guys like pizza, pepperoni pizza, pepperoni Tony. 384 00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:55,671 Oh, Michael. 385 00:20:56,172 --> 00:21:01,051 Man, was he fat. So, so fat. 386 00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:03,846 You know what? Forget it. 387 00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:08,184 I know me. When I saw him I would never be able to apologize to him. 388 00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:14,356 Too fat. Big, fat fatty.