1 00:00:02,378 --> 00:00:07,508 The fundamentals of business. The fundamentals of business. 2 00:00:07,592 --> 00:00:11,179 "Mental" is a part of the word. I have underlined it. 3 00:00:11,262 --> 00:00:14,056 Because you're mental if you don't have a good time. 4 00:00:14,140 --> 00:00:15,516 You have to enjoy it. 5 00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:17,685 (Stuttering) "Fun" is in it. 6 00:00:18,144 --> 00:00:19,187 (All exclaiming) 7 00:00:19,270 --> 00:00:20,270 "Fun" -damental. 8 00:00:20,313 --> 00:00:21,689 Meredith: Oh, right. 9 00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:23,649 Get out. I know, I know. 10 00:00:23,733 --> 00:00:26,986 Yes, so, it all starts with a handshake. 11 00:00:27,069 --> 00:00:31,949 But you can't just go right to the selling. You need small talk. 12 00:00:32,033 --> 00:00:34,744 What topics can you use for small talk? 13 00:00:34,827 --> 00:00:37,455 Golf, stock market, Dave Matthews. 14 00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:38,956 Yes, what else? 15 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:41,417 Small things. Peas, ball bearings, dimes. 16 00:00:42,627 --> 00:00:44,420 The eekend. Yeah! Thatsgood. 17 00:00:44,503 --> 00:00:48,299 Come on up. Meredith, come up here. Let's do a little something. 18 00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:51,802 So, Meredith and I have just started conversing, 19 00:00:51,886 --> 00:00:54,222 and I will say, "so, Meredith, 20 00:00:54,305 --> 00:00:56,140 "how was your weekend? What did you do?" 21 00:00:57,141 --> 00:01:00,144 Well, I caught my son taking a dump on the upper part of the toilet. 22 00:01:00,269 --> 00:01:01,771 Ahrqht hecmbit an "uppendecker" 23 00:01:01,854 --> 00:01:04,065 okay, okay. God. (Exhales) 24 00:01:04,148 --> 00:01:07,401 What you people don't know about business, I could fill a book with. 25 00:01:07,485 --> 00:01:09,070 Then do it. What? 26 00:01:09,153 --> 00:01:10,613 Write a book. 27 00:01:12,823 --> 00:01:15,826 The fundamentals of business by Michael Scott. 28 00:01:16,202 --> 00:01:18,079 Over one billion sold. 29 00:01:19,205 --> 00:01:22,500 More than the Bible. I'm not surprised. Chapter one. 30 00:01:26,337 --> 00:01:28,005 The businessman... 31 00:01:45,982 --> 00:01:47,483 (Door opening) 32 00:01:52,196 --> 00:01:53,656 Mr. Grotti, this is Michael Scott. 33 00:01:53,739 --> 00:01:55,008 He's the person you should talk to. 34 00:01:55,032 --> 00:01:57,076 Hi. I'm sorry, just a sec. 35 00:01:58,202 --> 00:01:59,930 (Softly) Erin, you're supposed to be the gatekeeper. 36 00:01:59,954 --> 00:02:02,623 Do you have any idea how valuable my time is? 37 00:02:02,707 --> 00:02:05,459 In your schedule, it just says 9:00 till noon is creative space. 38 00:02:05,543 --> 00:02:06,603 I thought this could be part of that. 39 00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:09,130 Do you know how creative space works? 40 00:02:09,213 --> 00:02:11,048 Okay, fine. Justcancel my afternoon. 41 00:02:11,132 --> 00:02:13,443 You don't have anything in the afternoon. It just says "free play." 42 00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,303 Push free play till tomorrow morning. 43 00:02:15,386 --> 00:02:19,807 Hi. Sorry, crazy day. You're seeing how the sausage gets made. 44 00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:24,061 Come in the conference room and I will show you a finished sausage. 45 00:02:26,731 --> 00:02:29,275 As a manager of business, you've got a lot of pride. 46 00:02:29,358 --> 00:02:30,359 Hmm. 47 00:02:30,443 --> 00:02:33,029 But you also got a lot of responsibility. 48 00:02:34,238 --> 00:02:36,949 None greater, perhaps, than the need to be sure 49 00:02:37,033 --> 00:02:42,413 that your small or large business is secure in the event of a covered loss. 50 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:43,664 Okay. 51 00:02:44,623 --> 00:02:45,666 (Imitates gunshot) 52 00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:49,211 There's nothing more insulting to a great salesman 53 00:02:49,295 --> 00:02:52,048 than having to listen to a bad salesman. 54 00:02:53,299 --> 00:02:55,134 It's like a great basketball player 55 00:02:55,217 --> 00:02:58,137 having to listen to a bad basketball player. 56 00:02:58,429 --> 00:02:59,930 (Phone ringing) 57 00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,269 Kevin: Jim's gone on his honeymoon. 58 00:03:05,603 --> 00:03:09,315 So, I started borrowing his office to fart in. 59 00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:12,902 Then one day, I came in and I just stayed. 60 00:03:12,985 --> 00:03:16,822 'Cause this place is awesome. It feels like home now. 61 00:03:16,906 --> 00:03:20,576 Even better than my home. My home sucks. 62 00:03:21,952 --> 00:03:23,371 What do you think? 63 00:03:23,454 --> 00:03:24,497 I think you're right. 64 00:03:24,580 --> 00:03:26,624 Definitely looks suspicious. 65 00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:30,002 And his southern Italian heritage raises some flags. 66 00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:34,590 God forbid you should have a fire in the warehouse. 67 00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:38,761 Oh! Yep. Yeah. Definitely. All that paper burning up. 68 00:03:38,844 --> 00:03:42,473 Yeah, and the truck goes off the side of the road, there's injury. 69 00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,725 Mmm-hmm, lhearyou. The truck. 70 00:03:44,809 --> 00:03:46,560 You will be hearing from me, Mr. Scott. 71 00:03:46,644 --> 00:03:47,686 Okay, well... 72 00:03:47,770 --> 00:03:49,855 I can be very, very persistent. 73 00:03:49,939 --> 00:03:50,940 Do your worst. 74 00:03:51,399 --> 00:03:52,733 (Chuckles) 75 00:03:55,277 --> 00:03:56,821 Michael: All right. 76 00:03:58,364 --> 00:04:00,282 Would you look at that, people? 77 00:04:00,366 --> 00:04:03,160 What an unpredictable world we live in, huh? 78 00:04:04,703 --> 00:04:06,080 Thank you. 79 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:07,623 (Door closing) 80 00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:09,083 What happened in there? _ nothing, 81 00:04:09,166 --> 00:04:12,253 other than once again, I am just thankful that I am a paper salesman. 82 00:04:12,336 --> 00:04:13,337 Did he threaten you? 83 00:04:13,421 --> 00:04:15,423 No, Dwight. Not everything is a threat. 84 00:04:15,506 --> 00:04:16,507 Mobsters are. 85 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,884 There is no such thing as monsters. 86 00:04:18,968 --> 00:04:20,928 Andy: He drives an SUV. Dwight: I knew it. 87 00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:23,347 More trunk space, or should I say corpse space. 88 00:04:23,431 --> 00:04:26,183 Okay, guys, I drive an SUV. Does that mean I'm in the mob? 89 00:04:26,267 --> 00:04:29,770 No, not that by itself, but look at all the facts. 90 00:04:29,854 --> 00:04:31,981 He seems like a mobster. 91 00:04:32,064 --> 00:04:34,108 Wait, when did we start talking about the mob? 92 00:04:34,191 --> 00:04:35,710 The guy was trying to sell me insurance. 93 00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:37,278 All mobsters have a front. 94 00:04:37,361 --> 00:04:39,071 Sometimes it's selling insurance, 95 00:04:39,155 --> 00:04:42,032 sometimes it's waste management or sanitation. 96 00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:44,743 For the record, not all Italian-Americans are in the mafia. 97 00:04:44,827 --> 00:04:47,663 I think he just seemed like he was trying to sell me insurance. 98 00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:50,499 Yeah. "Buy my insurance or I burn your warehouse down." 99 00:04:50,583 --> 00:04:51,625 Exactly. 100 00:04:51,709 --> 00:04:54,211 He did talk about a fire in the warehouse. 101 00:04:54,879 --> 00:04:57,381 And he also vaguely threatened me with testicular cancer. 102 00:04:57,465 --> 00:04:58,841 (Oscar groans) 103 00:04:58,924 --> 00:05:00,301 All right. Who else is here? 104 00:05:00,384 --> 00:05:02,219 Pam and Jim are on their honeymoon, 105 00:05:02,303 --> 00:05:05,890 so there's not the usual balance between sane and others. 106 00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:08,851 Toby has mentally checked out since June. 107 00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:13,481 It's a very dangerous time. The coalition for reason is extremely weak. 108 00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:16,233 Oscar says I checked out, huh? 109 00:05:17,735 --> 00:05:18,736 Huh! 110 00:05:19,236 --> 00:05:20,547 This is bad. All right. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 111 00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:22,448 Calm down, calm down, calm down. 112 00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:24,134 Ryan, you lived in new York, what do you think? 113 00:05:24,158 --> 00:05:26,869 Well, first of all, there's no such thing as the mafia. 114 00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:29,997 Okay. What you have are specific families. 115 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:31,499 What's the guy's last name? 116 00:05:31,582 --> 00:05:33,667 Um, it is grotti. 117 00:05:33,751 --> 00:05:35,377 Oh, no. That is... 118 00:05:35,461 --> 00:05:36,545 What? What? 119 00:05:36,629 --> 00:05:38,589 John gotti, you idiot. 120 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,799 It's a completely different name. 121 00:05:40,925 --> 00:05:42,468 So he won't getcaught Dwight: Yeah. 122 00:05:42,551 --> 00:05:43,594 It's pretty close. 123 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:44,738 What are you talking about? 124 00:05:44,762 --> 00:05:47,932 What mobster would change his name from gotti to grotti? It weakens it. 125 00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:51,644 No, I disagree. "R" is among the most menacing of sounds. 126 00:05:51,727 --> 00:05:53,854 That's why they call it "murder," not "mukduk." 127 00:05:53,938 --> 00:05:58,192 Okay, too many different words coming at me from too many different sentences. 128 00:05:58,275 --> 00:05:59,276 Lock your door. 129 00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:01,445 I'm not going to lock my door. 130 00:06:02,363 --> 00:06:04,031 (Door lock clicks) 131 00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:06,534 Jim: (On phone) Hello? Jim, it's Oscar. 132 00:06:06,617 --> 00:06:08,702 I'm so sorry to be calling you on your honeymoon. 133 00:06:08,786 --> 00:06:10,913 Oscar, what is going on? 134 00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:15,376 It's Michael. He thinks he's being shaken down by the mob. 135 00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:17,253 I don't know how you usually handle this. 136 00:06:17,336 --> 00:06:19,004 (Chuckles) We're in Puerto Rico, so... 137 00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:21,257 Hey. Hey, Oscar. It's Pam, hey. 138 00:06:21,340 --> 00:06:22,383 We 're on our honeymoon. 139 00:06:22,466 --> 00:06:23,466 Pam, I'm sorry. 140 00:06:23,509 --> 00:06:24,802 Unless someone very close to us 141 00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:26,165 is in immediate physical danger, 142 00:06:26,220 --> 00:06:27,555 you should not be calling us. 143 00:06:27,638 --> 00:06:28,889 You're right, you're right. 144 00:06:28,973 --> 00:06:31,392 (Dial tone sounding) All right. Okay, bye. 145 00:06:34,562 --> 00:06:36,564 It's from grotti. He's following up. 146 00:06:36,647 --> 00:06:37,731 Andy: Already? 147 00:06:37,815 --> 00:06:40,150 (Laughing) This guy's persistent. 148 00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:43,571 Okay. "I feel that you will regret 149 00:06:43,654 --> 00:06:46,323 "missing this great opportunity to be in business." 150 00:06:47,408 --> 00:06:49,243 That's bad. That's bad. Yeah.Yeah. 151 00:06:49,326 --> 00:06:52,121 What are my options here? Do I just ignore it or... 152 00:06:52,204 --> 00:06:54,707 Yeah, right. You heard him, 153 00:06:54,790 --> 00:06:56,226 he's going to burn the warehouse down 154 00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:57,644 or run one of our trucks off the road. 155 00:06:57,668 --> 00:06:59,169 Okay, I'm calling the police. 156 00:07:01,380 --> 00:07:03,757 That is the stupidest thing you could do right now. 157 00:07:03,841 --> 00:07:05,509 No, he's right. Cops can't do anything 158 00:07:05,593 --> 00:07:06,820 until a crime has been reported. 159 00:07:06,844 --> 00:07:07,845 All right. Not only that, 160 00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,513 but if they find out you snitched, 161 00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:12,600 you get a dead horse's chopped off head in your bed. 162 00:07:12,725 --> 00:07:14,202 You know what? (Shushing) That's not going to happen. 163 00:07:14,226 --> 00:07:15,662 That's an exaggeration. An dy: That's how it works. 164 00:07:15,686 --> 00:07:16,955 Michael: What am I supposed to do here? 165 00:07:16,979 --> 00:07:20,274 When somebody threatens you, you give in right away. 166 00:07:20,357 --> 00:07:22,961 Okay, you need to buy insurance from this guy and get him off your back. 167 00:07:22,985 --> 00:07:24,129 I was thinking exacfly the same thing. 168 00:07:24,153 --> 00:07:26,405 No. Criminals are like raccoons, okay? 169 00:07:26,488 --> 00:07:27,549 You give them a taste of cat food, 170 00:07:27,573 --> 00:07:29,373 pretty soon they'll be back for the whole cat. 171 00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:31,160 Dwight. The only way to defeat a bully 172 00:07:31,243 --> 00:07:34,413 is to stand up to him. Trust me, I have bullied a lot of people. 173 00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:35,765 I don't know. I don't know about that. 174 00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:37,791 Wait. Let's hear him out. This is interesting. 175 00:07:37,875 --> 00:07:40,753 Here's what we do. We meet him in a public place, 176 00:07:40,836 --> 00:07:42,588 ask him to lunch or something like that. 177 00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:44,632 Some place where he can't be openly violent. 178 00:07:44,715 --> 00:07:45,841 Okay. Let him know 179 00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:48,444 that you are not the typical kind of guy that he can shake down, 180 00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:52,139 that you're stubborn, that you might even be a little bit dangerous. 181 00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:54,503 I like this plan. I'd like to officially withdraw my plan. 182 00:07:54,558 --> 00:07:55,934 Hold on, hold on, just... 183 00:07:56,018 --> 00:07:57,311 No, no, no, no. My plan is out. 184 00:07:57,394 --> 00:07:58,812 We do it the hard way. 185 00:07:58,896 --> 00:08:02,232 All right, I will meet with him, but I'm not going alone. 186 00:08:02,358 --> 00:08:05,486 (Chuckling) Well, you're going to have to. We'll be right beside you. 187 00:08:05,569 --> 00:08:06,570 What? 188 00:08:10,783 --> 00:08:12,117 All right. 189 00:08:20,918 --> 00:08:23,170 What are you wearing? Who's pat? 190 00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:26,674 If I'm going to back you up, I need a weapon without drawing suspicion. 191 00:08:26,757 --> 00:08:28,217 And I have to justify it somehow, 192 00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:30,552 so I'm a mechanic with a tire thing. 193 00:08:30,636 --> 00:08:31,804 Do you know how to use it? 194 00:08:31,887 --> 00:08:33,389 To change tires, no. 195 00:08:33,472 --> 00:08:35,849 But, I mean, it's metal, I can hit somebody with it. 196 00:08:35,933 --> 00:08:37,643 Let's go, come on. 197 00:08:38,394 --> 00:08:40,479 God. God. 198 00:08:41,897 --> 00:08:43,416 Should I change? You're wearing loafers. 199 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:45,442 Forget it. Forget it. 200 00:08:46,485 --> 00:08:48,278 (People chattering) 201 00:08:49,238 --> 00:08:51,865 Take that thing off the table. Please. 202 00:08:52,324 --> 00:08:55,703 Well, then I can't use it. I'm just going to hide it. 203 00:08:57,579 --> 00:09:00,541 Hey. The bathroom checks out clean. 204 00:09:00,624 --> 00:09:02,584 Nothing behind the toilet except this roach motel. 205 00:09:02,626 --> 00:09:04,420 No! God! Oh, my god. 206 00:09:04,545 --> 00:09:06,171 You'll never kill it that way. Guys. 207 00:09:06,255 --> 00:09:07,607 You want to separate the head from the thorax. 208 00:09:07,631 --> 00:09:10,300 Guys, guys. Cool it. 209 00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,053 There he is, there he is. 210 00:09:14,930 --> 00:09:16,473 Heho. Mr.Scofi, heho. 211 00:09:16,557 --> 00:09:20,561 Mr. Grotti, we meet again. These are my associates. 212 00:09:20,644 --> 00:09:21,895 Hi, Angelo grotti. 213 00:09:21,979 --> 00:09:23,021 Hello. 214 00:09:23,105 --> 00:09:25,065 You got this table? 215 00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:26,984 Yes. What's this, one of them half-booths, 216 00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,420 can't-decide-what-it-is type of thing? 217 00:09:28,444 --> 00:09:29,570 Well... 218 00:09:29,653 --> 00:09:32,656 Waitress, we're going to sit over here. 219 00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:33,949 That's fine. 220 00:09:34,032 --> 00:09:35,159 Okay. 221 00:09:39,121 --> 00:09:40,664 (Phone ringing) 222 00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:44,501 Hello? 223 00:09:44,585 --> 00:09:45,687 Woman: (On phone) Hello, Mr. Halpert. 224 00:09:45,711 --> 00:09:48,756 I'm calling from the identity theft department at capital one. 225 00:09:48,839 --> 00:09:51,800 We've detected some unusual activity on your credit card. 226 00:09:51,884 --> 00:09:54,428 Oh, man. Do you think it was stolen? 227 00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:57,598 First, would you mind verifying your home address? 228 00:09:57,681 --> 00:09:58,849 Um... yes. 229 00:10:01,477 --> 00:10:05,439 383 linden ave., Scranton, pa. 230 00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:08,025 And may I have the last four digits of your social security? 231 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,735 Six-six-five-zero. 232 00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:13,781 Well, Mr. Halpert, you're obviously not in San Juan, Puerto Rico. 233 00:10:13,864 --> 00:10:15,199 Wait a minute. Yes, I am. 234 00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:17,242 I'm going to go ahead and put a hold on your card. 235 00:10:20,037 --> 00:10:24,333 I think that we should let the criminal use the card a little longer. 236 00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:27,628 Very funny, sir. We'll get a new card out to you right away. 237 00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:30,255 Have a nice day and thank you. 238 00:10:33,592 --> 00:10:35,093 Shoot 239 00:10:35,177 --> 00:10:38,347 if you want to supplement your coverage, we can do that. 240 00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:41,975 If you want to replace your current coverage, all the better. 241 00:10:42,059 --> 00:10:43,268 Hey, you seem like a nice guy. 242 00:10:43,352 --> 00:10:44,561 Oh, he's not that nice. 243 00:10:44,645 --> 00:10:46,063 That's true. Mmm-hmm. 244 00:10:46,647 --> 00:10:48,273 That's very true. Okay, shut up. 245 00:10:48,357 --> 00:10:50,150 Have you decided? 246 00:10:50,234 --> 00:10:53,320 Yeah, I'll have the iinguini, red sauce on the side. 247 00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:56,907 If the sauce does not come on the side, I will send it back. 248 00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:59,409 I want garlic bread, toasted, not burnt. 249 00:10:59,493 --> 00:11:01,829 If it comes burnt, I will send it back. 250 00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:04,832 Okay, then. And for you, sir? 251 00:11:04,915 --> 00:11:06,291 I will have the gabbagool. 252 00:11:06,959 --> 00:11:08,252 The what? 253 00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:11,088 The gabbagool. 254 00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:13,549 I don't really know what that is. 255 00:11:13,632 --> 00:11:15,342 You know, gabbagool 256 00:11:15,425 --> 00:11:16,760 I don't have to have that. 257 00:11:16,844 --> 00:11:18,637 What he's trying to sayis, gabbagool 258 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:19,720 guys, guys, all right. 259 00:11:19,763 --> 00:11:20,907 I don't really think that we have that. 260 00:11:20,931 --> 00:11:22,599 That's okay. Bring him the gabbagool. 261 00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:26,019 (Shushing) I will have the spaghetti with a side salad. 262 00:11:26,103 --> 00:11:27,187 Okay. 263 00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:30,065 If the salad is on top, I send it back. 264 00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:33,110 Why would you cancel Jim's credit cards? 265 00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,195 I usually can think quick on my feet, 266 00:11:35,279 --> 00:11:37,155 but they were so fast on the phone. 267 00:11:37,239 --> 00:11:39,116 This constitutes identity fraud. 268 00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:40,450 Oh, god. 269 00:11:40,659 --> 00:11:43,871 Iwouldn't last in jail, Oscar. I'm not like you. 270 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:46,874 What's that supposed to mean? 271 00:11:46,957 --> 00:11:48,876 What, you don't know about jail? 272 00:11:48,959 --> 00:11:51,086 You would love jail. 273 00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:52,796 Why would I love jail? 274 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:56,300 Because_. You would love it. 275 00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:03,265 I don't think our company actually needs any more insurance. So, I am out. 276 00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:06,977 Look closely, Michael. I feel there's a plan here for you. 277 00:12:07,686 --> 00:12:09,897 Maybe we have a plan for you. 278 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:11,773 How about you? 279 00:12:11,857 --> 00:12:14,860 Maybe you can use supplemental coverage of some kind. 280 00:12:14,943 --> 00:12:16,570 Anybody can get hurt. 281 00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:19,031 You always think it can't happen to you, and... 282 00:12:19,114 --> 00:12:20,157 (Bangs on table) 283 00:12:21,158 --> 00:12:22,451 Think about it. 284 00:12:22,534 --> 00:12:24,745 Excuse me. Sorry to bother you. 285 00:12:24,828 --> 00:12:25,996 Are you a mechanic? 286 00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:27,122 Yeah. 287 00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:29,583 My battery's dead. I've got my kid. Can you please help? 288 00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:30,666 Yes, I can. 289 00:12:30,709 --> 00:12:31,919 No, no, no, no, come on. 290 00:12:32,002 --> 00:12:33,420 I'm sorry, we're having our salads. 291 00:12:33,503 --> 00:12:35,797 Come on, lady in distress. 292 00:12:35,881 --> 00:12:36,882 Go, go. 293 00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:38,759 Okay. Sorry. 294 00:12:39,301 --> 00:12:42,095 Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. 295 00:12:42,179 --> 00:12:43,305 Hey, do you need any help? 296 00:12:43,388 --> 00:12:46,141 I'm sure he can handle a simple jumpstart. 297 00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:47,726 Now, come on, sit down. 298 00:12:47,809 --> 00:12:48,809 He's a good mechanic. 299 00:12:48,852 --> 00:12:50,103 Sit down. 300 00:12:50,187 --> 00:12:52,314 Where were we? I don't... 301 00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:54,751 He was trying to force you to sign a policy. Okay, okay, okay. 302 00:12:54,775 --> 00:12:56,777 So, we're choosing... okay. Yep. 303 00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:59,780 Did you check out dental? All right, put it down. 304 00:12:59,863 --> 00:13:05,369 Black goes on the red with the... if we... positive... 305 00:13:06,703 --> 00:13:10,248 It being a motor drive, it's probably down. 306 00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:12,125 He seems bad at this. 307 00:13:12,209 --> 00:13:15,212 You want to do this, junior? I didn't think so. 308 00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:20,342 I'm sorry, just had kind of a long day at the mechanic store. 309 00:13:22,511 --> 00:13:23,887 (Exclaims) 310 00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:28,058 You've got a leaky spark tube. 311 00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,142 What? 312 00:13:29,226 --> 00:13:30,852 So, your car's totaled. 313 00:13:30,936 --> 00:13:33,230 You're gonna want to get a refund on that. 314 00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:36,650 Or my guy could do it, he's great. But I can't do that for you. 315 00:13:36,733 --> 00:13:39,444 I work exclusively on motorcycles. 316 00:13:41,279 --> 00:13:42,614 All right. 317 00:13:45,075 --> 00:13:47,327 Now, if you could just sign this letter of intent, 318 00:13:47,411 --> 00:13:49,496 I'll bring this back to my boss 319 00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:50,956 and we can get this in motion. 320 00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:52,708 (Clearing throat) 321 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,168 (Clearing throat) 322 00:13:55,961 --> 00:13:56,962 You okay, pat? 323 00:13:57,045 --> 00:13:58,046 Yeah, I was just thinking 324 00:13:58,130 --> 00:14:03,593 about how I had this car. It was this Italian car. 325 00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:05,512 And I was driving it, 326 00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:07,514 and it kept telling me how much 327 00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:10,017 it needed oil, but I wouldn't give it any oil. 328 00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:13,020 And then, one day it exploded and it killed everyone, 329 00:14:13,103 --> 00:14:14,688 and that's what I'm afraid of. 330 00:14:14,771 --> 00:14:17,315 Aren't you a mechanic? Why wouldn't you put oil in a car? 331 00:14:17,399 --> 00:14:19,943 It was before my technical training. 332 00:14:20,485 --> 00:14:22,237 Don't do it. 333 00:14:23,155 --> 00:14:24,197 Do it. 334 00:14:24,281 --> 00:14:25,824 Don't. Just do it. 335 00:14:25,907 --> 00:14:27,951 Okay. Don't do it. 336 00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:31,705 Look, Mike, I don't know what your friends are telling you, 337 00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:34,666 but you have to decide for yourself. 338 00:14:34,750 --> 00:14:36,710 I mean, are these guys going to take care 339 00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:38,336 of your things if you die tomorrow? 340 00:14:38,420 --> 00:14:39,463 Yes. 341 00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:42,799 Okay. 342 00:14:42,883 --> 00:14:43,884 (Groans) 343 00:14:43,967 --> 00:14:45,737 I don't understand. Why would you buy a policy? 344 00:14:45,761 --> 00:14:48,805 It's just the cost of a cup of coffee an hour. 345 00:14:48,972 --> 00:14:51,516 You were man enough to back down, Michael. I'm proud of you. 346 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,435 I had to make a snap decision, Dwight. 347 00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:55,872 It wasn't a snap decision. You were sitting there for an hour. 348 00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:58,023 It was a lot of snap decisions. 349 00:14:58,148 --> 00:14:59,959 Do you know what "snap decision" means? Michael: Yes. 350 00:14:59,983 --> 00:15:01,002 It means like this. (Snaps finger) 351 00:15:01,026 --> 00:15:02,819 Michael: Just get in the car. 352 00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:06,406 Jim: (On phone) Hello? Jim? 353 00:15:06,490 --> 00:15:08,408 Michael? Oh, thank god. 354 00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:10,452 How did you get this number? (Sighing) 355 00:15:10,535 --> 00:15:11,637 Michael, we're on a catamaran. 356 00:15:11,661 --> 00:15:12,661 It wasn't easy. 357 00:15:12,704 --> 00:15:15,373 I had to tell the hotel that it was a medical emergency. 358 00:15:15,457 --> 00:15:16,833 I chose a massive coronary because 359 00:15:16,917 --> 00:15:19,086 you told me that your dad had a bad heart. 360 00:15:19,169 --> 00:15:22,756 Listen, man, I got a problem. 361 00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:26,885 I think I'm in trouble with the mob or a major insurance carrier. 362 00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:28,804 That sounds bad. Yeah, I know. 363 00:15:28,887 --> 00:15:31,306 And you usually can get out of stuff like this, 364 00:15:31,389 --> 00:15:32,891 so I'm turning to you, my friend. 365 00:15:32,974 --> 00:15:34,035 I'm going to help you through it, all right? 366 00:15:34,059 --> 00:15:35,060 Okay. 367 00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:37,020 All you're going to need... 368 00:15:37,104 --> 00:15:38,688 (Voice breaking) 369 00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:40,023 And then go to... 370 00:15:40,107 --> 00:15:41,274 Jim. Are you... 371 00:15:41,358 --> 00:15:42,901 And you'll be saved. 372 00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:45,237 What? Wait. I didn't hear a thing you just said. 373 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:47,280 Just... and then you'll be saved. 374 00:15:47,364 --> 00:15:50,033 No! God, I missed the important part again. 375 00:15:50,117 --> 00:15:51,159 (Voice breaking) 376 00:15:51,243 --> 00:15:52,619 No. Oh, my god. 377 00:15:52,702 --> 00:15:54,204 And you'll be saved. No, Jim. 378 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:57,207 Please repeat what you're saying, I can't understand you. 379 00:15:58,208 --> 00:16:01,920 Bermuda triangle... Please don't call again. 380 00:16:02,003 --> 00:16:03,255 (Phone clicks) 381 00:16:04,089 --> 00:16:05,132 Jim? 382 00:16:05,215 --> 00:16:06,633 (Dial tone sounding) 383 00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:08,051 Oh, my god. 384 00:16:16,393 --> 00:16:19,396 Hey, question for you. 385 00:16:20,689 --> 00:16:25,819 I recently purchased some insurance that I can't afford given my present salary. 386 00:16:26,570 --> 00:16:28,210 Is there anything accounting-wise I can do 387 00:16:28,238 --> 00:16:30,740 to sort of make it all go away? 388 00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:34,327 Accounting-wise, no, but phone-wise, just call up and cancel it. 389 00:16:34,411 --> 00:16:35,662 No, no. 390 00:16:37,873 --> 00:16:40,584 What about this cash for clunkers thing? 391 00:16:41,793 --> 00:16:44,296 Just, no. No. 392 00:16:44,379 --> 00:16:47,757 Okay. All right, well, it was a thought. Thanks. 393 00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:58,476 We have let Michael down, and it's 85% your fault. 394 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,395 He's alive, so you're welcome. 395 00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:02,689 Not on the inside, he's not. 396 00:17:02,772 --> 00:17:08,528 Look at his life. Broke, living in fear, no friends, dead-end job. 397 00:17:08,612 --> 00:17:10,864 Yeah, some of that existed before. 398 00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:12,699 Not the living in fear, that's new. 399 00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:13,822 You're right, that is new. 400 00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:15,452 Yes. 401 00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:17,412 He's got to stand up to this mafia guy. 402 00:17:17,495 --> 00:17:19,039 Well, I don't see that happening. 403 00:17:19,122 --> 00:17:20,248 Me neither. 404 00:17:20,332 --> 00:17:22,375 Not the way things are now. 405 00:17:22,459 --> 00:17:26,630 But what if Michael felt no fear toward the mafia guy? 406 00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:27,714 Are you saying... yeah. 407 00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:31,051 That we surgically remove the fear center from Michael's brain? 408 00:17:31,134 --> 00:17:32,219 What is wrong with you? 409 00:17:32,302 --> 00:17:35,263 I am talking about convincing Michael that the guy's not mafia. 410 00:17:35,347 --> 00:17:36,890 That seems a little farfetched. 411 00:17:36,973 --> 00:17:39,893 What, more farfetched than a mobster walking into a paper company 412 00:17:39,976 --> 00:17:42,896 for a low-level shakedown? And that happened. 413 00:17:44,481 --> 00:17:48,735 Michael, incredible news. Grotti is clean. 414 00:17:49,194 --> 00:17:52,239 No, he's not. He's just good. 415 00:17:53,156 --> 00:17:55,716 Nothing sticks to him. You still don't understand how this works. 416 00:17:55,784 --> 00:17:57,869 No, Michael, what we're trying to say is, 417 00:17:57,953 --> 00:18:00,497 we made a mistake assuming he was mafia. 418 00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:04,626 I have a buddy who's a fed and we did a background check on the guy, 419 00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:06,378 his background is perfectly clean. 420 00:18:06,461 --> 00:18:07,545 It's true, he's clean. 421 00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:10,382 I have a couple of friends still on the force, checked with them, 422 00:18:10,465 --> 00:18:13,152 ran his fed friend up the flagpole to make sure he wasn't on the take. 423 00:18:13,176 --> 00:18:14,576 Turns out he's a totally lovely guy. 424 00:18:14,636 --> 00:18:15,956 Sweetest guy on the force, really. 425 00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:17,597 Class act. Boy scout. 426 00:18:17,681 --> 00:18:19,557 But grotti acts like he's mafia, though. 427 00:18:19,641 --> 00:18:21,476 He's trying to intimidate you to close sales. 428 00:18:21,559 --> 00:18:23,061 He's just a pushy salesman. 429 00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:25,814 And he made us all look like chumps. 430 00:18:27,232 --> 00:18:28,275 (Sighs) 431 00:18:28,358 --> 00:18:32,237 If there is one thing I hate more than the mafia, it is a liar. 432 00:18:32,696 --> 00:18:35,699 I wish the mafia would go out and kill all the liars. 433 00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:40,078 And Bury them in my yard. And iwouldn't tell the cops a thing. 434 00:18:41,079 --> 00:18:42,747 Not that I would be lying, per se, 435 00:18:42,831 --> 00:18:45,500 but I would just get really quiet all of a sudden. 436 00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:47,544 (On phone) This is grotti. This is Scott. 437 00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:51,298 Oh! Great, Michael. I'm just finishing up your paperwork right now. 438 00:18:51,381 --> 00:18:53,967 Oh, really? Is that supposed to scare me? 439 00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:55,802 I thought you'd be pleased. 440 00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:58,013 Well, you thought wrong. 441 00:18:58,138 --> 00:19:00,432 Because I am not pleased. I'm actually kind of p.O.'D. 442 00:19:00,557 --> 00:19:02,309 Why? I think you know exactly why. 443 00:19:02,392 --> 00:19:06,479 Because you were trying to scare me into buying insurance. 444 00:19:06,563 --> 00:19:08,273 I don't get it. How was I scaring you? 445 00:19:08,356 --> 00:19:10,525 I think you knew exactly what you were doing, 446 00:19:10,608 --> 00:19:13,445 and frankly, I think you were being a total and utterjerk. 447 00:19:13,528 --> 00:19:14,529 Ooh, okay. 448 00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:16,031 You suck. Dwight: Okay. That's... 449 00:19:16,114 --> 00:19:17,925 And I'm not going to buy your stupid insurance. 450 00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:19,719 That's good, let's wrap it up. Okay. How about that? 451 00:19:19,743 --> 00:19:21,870 The only person that actually needs insurance is you, 452 00:19:21,953 --> 00:19:23,955 if you show your face around here again. Got it? 453 00:19:24,039 --> 00:19:26,624 Look, Michael, when we all calm down here, 454 00:19:26,708 --> 00:19:28,293 maybe at some point in the future, 455 00:19:28,376 --> 00:19:30,503 you change your mind, why don't you give me a call? 456 00:19:30,587 --> 00:19:31,880 Doubt it. 457 00:19:34,758 --> 00:19:35,842 Oh, man. 458 00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:37,594 What a tool. 459 00:19:41,973 --> 00:19:42,974 What? 460 00:19:43,058 --> 00:19:44,243 Next time you look in the mirror, 461 00:19:44,267 --> 00:19:48,688 you're going to be looking at a guy who stood down the mafia. 462 00:19:49,439 --> 00:19:51,608 No. What do you mean? 463 00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:55,445 We just told you he wasn't mafia so you wouldn't be scared. 464 00:19:56,613 --> 00:19:57,614 What? 465 00:19:57,697 --> 00:20:00,200 You successfully backed down the mob. 466 00:20:00,283 --> 00:20:04,954 You made the mafia apologize to you. You made the mafia be polite. 467 00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:07,290 Oh, man. 468 00:20:10,085 --> 00:20:12,253 I should be mad at you guys. 469 00:20:13,338 --> 00:20:14,881 But I'm not. 470 00:20:14,964 --> 00:20:17,550 So, I looked him in the eye and I said, 471 00:20:17,634 --> 00:20:20,095 "not today, grotti. Not today. 472 00:20:20,178 --> 00:20:24,265 "And not tomorrow, and not the next day, or the day after that. 473 00:20:24,349 --> 00:20:26,351 "And you can tell all your friends that 474 00:20:26,434 --> 00:20:29,562 "if I see them, then they are already dead." 475 00:20:29,646 --> 00:20:30,897 I said something like that. 476 00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:32,023 Very close. 477 00:20:32,107 --> 00:20:33,125 Just to be clear, he backed down 478 00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:35,193 an insurance agent from mutual of Harrisburg. 479 00:20:35,276 --> 00:20:36,276 Erin? Erin: Yes? 480 00:20:36,319 --> 00:20:37,529 Coffee. Okay. 481 00:20:37,612 --> 00:20:39,906 Not from the kitchen, stop & shop. 482 00:20:39,989 --> 00:20:41,509 If it's not stop & shop, I send it back. 483 00:20:41,533 --> 00:20:42,534 Okay. 484 00:20:42,617 --> 00:20:44,619 Large. If it's a medium, I send it back. 485 00:20:44,702 --> 00:20:46,913 If it's an extra large, I send it back. 486 00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:48,373 How do you return coffee? 487 00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:52,752 Any questions? 488 00:20:54,003 --> 00:20:55,088 (Phone ringing) 489 00:20:55,171 --> 00:20:56,482 Pam: (On phone) Are you kidding me? 490 00:20:56,506 --> 00:20:58,633 Hi, Pam. Is Jim there? 491 00:20:58,716 --> 00:21:01,320 Listen, our credit card has been canceled and we have to deal with that. 492 00:21:01,344 --> 00:21:04,389 And I really can't handle the fact that you're calling us here. 493 00:21:04,472 --> 00:21:07,809 Okay, that sounds good. I'll let you go. 494 00:21:07,892 --> 00:21:12,439 Just tell Jim that I said hi. 495 00:21:12,522 --> 00:21:16,818 I will. I will, Kevin. I will make that my top priority. 496 00:21:16,901 --> 00:21:18,611 Cool. Okay. Bye. 497 00:21:18,695 --> 00:21:19,946 (Dial tone sounding) 498 00:21:22,031 --> 00:21:24,367 They have no idea what happened.