1 00:00:02,128 --> 00:00:06,090 And then, I think I'm going to go to the garlic festival. 2 00:00:06,215 --> 00:00:08,259 Wow. Sounds like fun. You guys would love it. 3 00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:10,094 No, we wouldn't. They have a tcby booth. 4 00:00:10,219 --> 00:00:12,013 Cool. Same stuff you get downtown. 5 00:00:12,096 --> 00:00:13,681 Do you like tcby? Who doesn't? 6 00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:18,978 "I can't believe it's yogurt." It'll be fun. 7 00:00:19,061 --> 00:00:22,356 I confirmed with raskin design and they're expecting the both of you in an hour. 8 00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:24,108 Oh, actually, it's just going to be me. 9 00:00:24,192 --> 00:00:25,818 They said the both of you. 10 00:00:25,902 --> 00:00:27,028 That's a mistake. 11 00:00:27,111 --> 00:00:29,238 You should give them a call, check that out. 12 00:00:29,322 --> 00:00:31,699 All right, just clear this up. 13 00:00:31,782 --> 00:00:34,035 Well, there's actually been a few changes in the company, 14 00:00:34,118 --> 00:00:36,537 and Michael and I are actually at the same level. 15 00:00:36,621 --> 00:00:38,915 So, I can... no. 16 00:00:39,916 --> 00:00:41,709 No, why would that be a problem? 17 00:00:41,792 --> 00:00:43,544 Jim's a good kid, he can handle a lot, 18 00:00:43,628 --> 00:00:47,506 but sometimes you have to call in a master. 19 00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:52,637 Why would you date an amateur when you could date a professional? 20 00:00:53,137 --> 00:00:55,223 Great. See you then. 21 00:00:55,306 --> 00:00:56,682 What? 22 00:00:56,766 --> 00:00:59,769 They said that they would feel more comfortable if you came along. 23 00:00:59,852 --> 00:01:01,771 Why don't they just want you to go by yourself? 24 00:01:01,854 --> 00:01:04,273 Why do they want me to come, too? I don't understand. 25 00:01:04,357 --> 00:01:06,317 I absolutely don't understand, either. 26 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:10,321 I don't want you to feel like I'm babysitting you or something. 27 00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:12,698 All right. All right. 28 00:01:12,782 --> 00:01:15,368 Let me go get your stroller. (Chuckles) 29 00:01:16,202 --> 00:01:18,537 Jim: Sure. Michael's a good teacher. 30 00:01:18,621 --> 00:01:20,456 A teacher is someone who stands 31 00:01:20,539 --> 00:01:21,958 right next to you your whole life 32 00:01:22,041 --> 00:01:23,918 and never lets you do anything. 33 00:01:24,001 --> 00:01:25,878 That's what a teacher is, right? 34 00:01:32,843 --> 00:01:34,220 (Inaudible) 35 00:01:47,191 --> 00:01:48,335 What are you going to call him? Dave. 36 00:01:48,359 --> 00:01:50,236 No.vvhats his name? Dave. 37 00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:52,363 Mr. Borchard. They're very formal. 38 00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:53,882 Yeah. I've spoken to them on the phone. 39 00:01:53,906 --> 00:01:56,367 Yeah, well, this is not the phone. 40 00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:59,829 This is real life, baby, and you got to own it. 41 00:01:59,912 --> 00:02:01,289 Is that what you are wearing? 42 00:02:01,372 --> 00:02:02,373 Yes, it is. 43 00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:05,459 And that is the watch that you are going to wear? 44 00:02:05,543 --> 00:02:08,629 No, it is not. You should wear this watch. 45 00:02:08,713 --> 00:02:09,922 I will loan it to you. 46 00:02:10,006 --> 00:02:12,508 It is a tankard. I highly recommend you wear that. 47 00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:14,510 No, thanks. They are into style. 48 00:02:14,593 --> 00:02:15,594 Mmm-hmm. 49 00:02:15,678 --> 00:02:17,638 They are into appearance. We are selling success. 50 00:02:17,722 --> 00:02:20,308 And paper. That's sort of secondary. 51 00:02:20,891 --> 00:02:22,518 Nope.no. 52 00:02:22,852 --> 00:02:25,688 He's trying to micro co-manage me. 53 00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:29,984 Or co-micromanage me. 54 00:02:31,193 --> 00:02:33,154 Here we are outside of the wilkes-barre... 55 00:02:33,237 --> 00:02:35,656 Industrial park. Industrial p. 56 00:02:36,324 --> 00:02:37,742 Making cold calls. 57 00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:39,577 The two people with the lowest sales 58 00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:40,900 in the quarter have to do them. 59 00:02:41,078 --> 00:02:42,079 (Grunts) 60 00:02:42,163 --> 00:02:45,708 (Singing) Palpabon drilling, where are you 61 00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:49,754 Dean trophies, suite 100 62 00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:53,049 sherman blinds & rugs, suite 202 63 00:02:53,132 --> 00:02:54,175 here it is. 64 00:02:54,258 --> 00:02:55,384 Palpabon drilling 65 00:02:55,468 --> 00:02:57,011 suite 401. 66 00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:58,554 Yeah, I was going to sing that part. 67 00:02:58,637 --> 00:02:59,823 I know. Now you don't have to. 68 00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:02,016 Well, except it was going to resolve the melody, 69 00:03:02,099 --> 00:03:03,768 so now my head hurts. 70 00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:05,770 It feels like I held in a sneeze. 71 00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:08,814 (Exclaiming) I hate this feeling. 72 00:03:10,441 --> 00:03:13,611 (Singing) Suite 401 73 00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,282 (sighs) All right. 74 00:03:19,367 --> 00:03:20,451 Hi. Any messages? 75 00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:21,535 You're soaking wet. 76 00:03:21,619 --> 00:03:23,621 Oh, well, Jim and I got caught in a little 77 00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:26,874 flash rain, flash winds, flash lightning. 78 00:03:26,957 --> 00:03:28,584 Wow. Sounds scary. 79 00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:32,171 It was. It was. And then in an instant, it wasn't. 80 00:03:32,630 --> 00:03:33,714 Why isn't Jim wet? 81 00:03:33,798 --> 00:03:34,882 I outran it. 82 00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:37,802 I don't think it rained. My hip would be throbbing. 83 00:03:37,927 --> 00:03:39,845 It rained. Michael, can I get you something? 84 00:03:39,929 --> 00:03:41,055 A towel, some cocoa? 85 00:03:41,138 --> 00:03:42,890 Nothing. Cocoa. 86 00:03:43,599 --> 00:03:45,077 I'll just leave that suit in your office, then? 87 00:03:45,101 --> 00:03:47,061 Good, yeah. 88 00:03:47,228 --> 00:03:49,355 Must be nice to have company on these cold calls. 89 00:03:49,438 --> 00:03:51,941 We're kind of a dynamic duo. 90 00:03:52,024 --> 00:03:53,275 Or trio. 91 00:03:53,526 --> 00:03:56,487 How exciting! Do you guys know the sex yet? 92 00:03:57,113 --> 00:03:58,489 Oh, no, no. 93 00:04:00,116 --> 00:04:03,035 We're not together. No, no, no. Definitely not. 94 00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:07,081 Definitely not. No, we just work together. 95 00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:11,043 Looks like somebody's got a case of the definitelys. 96 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:17,925 Michael, the custodian from raskin design is on the line. 97 00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:19,768 He said they found your keys in the koi pond. 98 00:04:19,844 --> 00:04:21,429 Okay, thank you. 99 00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:24,098 Did you say koipond? 100 00:04:24,181 --> 00:04:25,850 (Intercom ringing) 101 00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:28,727 Yeah? Michael, people are asking questions. 102 00:04:28,811 --> 00:04:31,147 Okay. Put them on speaker. 103 00:04:31,230 --> 00:04:32,440 Hey, guys, what's going on? 104 00:04:32,523 --> 00:04:35,109 Hey, Michael, did you fall into a koi pond? 105 00:04:35,192 --> 00:04:38,529 I can't really hear you. I think we have sort of a bad connection. 106 00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:41,240 Jim, did Michael fall into a koi pond? 107 00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:46,036 It's like Michael said. It was something else. 108 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:49,248 Okay, this is what it was. It was these bunch of idiots 109 00:04:49,331 --> 00:04:53,752 that had put a fish tank in the ground with no cover and no railing. 110 00:04:53,836 --> 00:04:54,962 So you fell in? No. 111 00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:57,465 Maybe I was trying to save a child that had fallen in. 112 00:04:57,548 --> 00:04:58,799 So a child had fallen in? 113 00:04:58,883 --> 00:05:00,050 Not yet. 114 00:05:00,134 --> 00:05:01,469 That is hilarious. 115 00:05:01,552 --> 00:05:04,013 No.don't I'm not going to bump. I'm not going to bump. 116 00:05:04,096 --> 00:05:07,766 And it was not hilarious. It was very, very terrifying. 117 00:05:07,850 --> 00:05:09,685 (Laughing) 118 00:05:09,894 --> 00:05:11,937 Truthfully, it wasn't the way he fell in. 119 00:05:12,021 --> 00:05:15,524 It was how long it took him to get out. 120 00:05:15,608 --> 00:05:18,486 And we'd like to offer you 15% off your first purchase 121 00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:20,905 as our way of welcoming you to the area. 122 00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:22,740 Well, that sounds like a really nice deal. 123 00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:23,824 Sha-bow! 124 00:05:23,908 --> 00:05:26,660 And I must say that since we are a family business, 125 00:05:26,744 --> 00:05:28,329 it's nice to see that you are, too. 126 00:05:28,412 --> 00:05:29,830 Oh! 127 00:05:29,914 --> 00:05:33,000 Wow. You thought that... 128 00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:35,669 Oh, my gosh. Definitely not. 129 00:05:35,753 --> 00:05:37,338 My mistake. I'm sorry. 130 00:05:37,421 --> 00:05:38,464 It's okay. 131 00:05:38,547 --> 00:05:41,550 Nah, actually, it's kind of not okay. 132 00:05:42,176 --> 00:05:44,637 I date models. Face models. 133 00:05:45,137 --> 00:05:49,391 My girlfriend, on a scale of one-to-Gisele, 134 00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:52,228 a nine. 135 00:05:52,311 --> 00:05:53,354 That's good for you. 136 00:05:53,437 --> 00:05:55,856 Anyway, we also have a special on envelopes... 137 00:05:55,940 --> 00:05:58,150 Pam's carrying our surrogate 138 00:05:58,234 --> 00:06:02,988 because my girlfriend needed to keep her figure for fashion week. 139 00:06:03,489 --> 00:06:05,699 So, we put our baby in Pam. 140 00:06:05,783 --> 00:06:07,576 It doesn't matter what Pam looks like. 141 00:06:08,619 --> 00:06:09,662 Yeah. 142 00:06:09,745 --> 00:06:11,956 You were way meaner to me than I was to you. 143 00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:13,874 No, I wasn't, okay? 144 00:06:13,958 --> 00:06:16,669 The very idea of us together made you burst out laughing 145 00:06:16,752 --> 00:06:19,713 like you just bit into an Adam sandler and jelly sandwich. 146 00:06:19,797 --> 00:06:22,550 You blew the sale, you idiot! 147 00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:24,093 Let me tell you something. 148 00:06:24,176 --> 00:06:26,720 I was never going to make that sale. 149 00:06:27,513 --> 00:06:30,224 Erin, do we have any of those clips that hold paper together? 150 00:06:30,307 --> 00:06:31,517 Staples? 151 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:33,143 (Clears throat) 152 00:06:33,644 --> 00:06:35,062 David Wallace called. 153 00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:36,522 Oh, he did? What did he say? 154 00:06:36,605 --> 00:06:38,691 He heard you made a big splash at the meeting. 155 00:06:38,774 --> 00:06:41,002 Oh, my god, that was so mean what I just said, and I didn't mean it. 156 00:06:41,026 --> 00:06:42,826 It was Kevin and Meredith who put me up to it. 157 00:06:43,571 --> 00:06:44,613 (Sighs) Okay. 158 00:06:44,697 --> 00:06:46,323 I'm going to kill you. 159 00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:48,242 Michael, don't listen to them. 160 00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:49,325 Thank you, Stanley. 161 00:06:49,368 --> 00:06:51,412 You just ignore their carping. 162 00:06:51,495 --> 00:06:52,538 Okay. 163 00:06:52,621 --> 00:06:53,661 (Whispering) Michael? Yes. 164 00:06:53,706 --> 00:06:56,375 A carp is both a fish and a term for complaining. 165 00:06:56,458 --> 00:06:57,835 They're mocking you with word play. 166 00:06:57,918 --> 00:07:00,129 Hey, boss, did you find Nemo? 167 00:07:00,212 --> 00:07:02,339 I can name pixar movies, too. 168 00:07:02,423 --> 00:07:04,842 Toy story. Don't you mean koi story? 169 00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,010 (All laughing) 170 00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:08,804 And when you fell in, did you flounder? 171 00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:12,182 Michael, flounder is both a kind of a fish... 172 00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:13,642 I know what a flounder is. 173 00:07:14,143 --> 00:07:15,686 Hey, Michael. No! No! 174 00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,396 No more! That is it! 175 00:07:17,479 --> 00:07:19,231 Everybody in the conference room, right now! 176 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:22,234 I'm not usually the butt of the joke. 177 00:07:22,318 --> 00:07:24,111 I'm usually the face of the joke. 178 00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:28,741 I wish Jim had fallen into that pond. 179 00:07:28,824 --> 00:07:30,451 Then he'd have to put on my suit, 180 00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:33,412 and it would be too short, and he'd look... 181 00:07:34,538 --> 00:07:36,498 Damn it, he'd still look good. 182 00:07:37,583 --> 00:07:40,210 The most fundamental thing about sensitivity training 183 00:07:40,294 --> 00:07:44,882 is that you cannot make fun of a person for something or some action 184 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:47,384 that they have done that they regret. 185 00:07:47,468 --> 00:07:50,554 You can only make fun of things that they have control over. 186 00:07:51,096 --> 00:07:54,850 Like, Oscar is gay. That is his choice. 187 00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:59,355 We can make fun of that. I did not choose to fall into a koi pond. 188 00:07:59,438 --> 00:08:01,523 Michael, you still can't make fun of people 189 00:08:01,607 --> 00:08:04,318 for race or gender or sexual orientation or religion... 190 00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:06,695 Who let the lemonhead into the room? 191 00:08:06,779 --> 00:08:08,619 You are a waste of life and you should give up. 192 00:08:11,075 --> 00:08:13,827 Is what I want to say but I won't, 193 00:08:13,911 --> 00:08:16,872 because that is why we are doing this right now. 194 00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:20,584 So, Toby, welcome to sensitivity training for real. Show of hands. 195 00:08:20,918 --> 00:08:23,921 Who here has been koi-ponded? 196 00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:28,133 Who here has been the butt of a joke that has gone too far? 197 00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:31,387 Phyllis. Michael, you make fun of us every day. 198 00:08:31,470 --> 00:08:33,263 Yeah. Every single day. 199 00:08:33,347 --> 00:08:34,682 You never said anything. 200 00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:36,225 We have. Countless times. 201 00:08:36,308 --> 00:08:40,354 Well, it is hard to tell the difference between you guys saying, 202 00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:42,022 "stop, because I want you to stop," 203 00:08:42,106 --> 00:08:46,026 or stop as in, "stop, you're making me laugh so hard. 204 00:08:46,110 --> 00:08:48,862 "What you're doing is so funny. You're on a roll. 205 00:08:48,946 --> 00:08:50,739 "I am busting a gut. Stop!" 206 00:08:51,699 --> 00:08:53,200 That's never been the case. 207 00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:55,577 We are going to make 208 00:08:55,661 --> 00:09:01,625 a do not mock list. 209 00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:06,880 Okay? Anything that we think might be out of bounds, we put on this list. 210 00:09:07,297 --> 00:09:10,634 Anything you put on this list, you cannot be teased about. 211 00:09:10,718 --> 00:09:11,760 Got it? 212 00:09:11,844 --> 00:09:13,387 I'm going to kick it off. 213 00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:19,226 Let's see what I have to put on the list, right? 214 00:09:19,309 --> 00:09:20,644 Okay. 215 00:09:20,728 --> 00:09:24,690 I also have fallen into the fountain at the steamtown mall. 216 00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:26,942 You fell into a second fountain? 217 00:09:27,109 --> 00:09:28,736 (All chuckling) 218 00:09:28,819 --> 00:09:30,487 Can you kick me out of the meeting now? 219 00:09:30,571 --> 00:09:31,989 Go. Go. 220 00:09:34,992 --> 00:09:38,370 Starting today, teasing will no longer be tolerated. 221 00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:41,165 You mean there's no teasing of any kind? 222 00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:44,668 No, no, no, just things that are on the list. That is the beauty of it. 223 00:09:44,752 --> 00:09:47,129 Okay, who else? Who else? Dwight, come on. 224 00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:49,089 I don't want people making fun of my nose. 225 00:09:49,173 --> 00:09:50,674 Your nose? 226 00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:52,593 It's too small. 227 00:09:52,676 --> 00:09:56,638 The geometric proportions of my face are perfect in every way but one. 228 00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:59,433 My nose is too small. 229 00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:01,518 I mean, it still works. I can smell things. 230 00:10:01,602 --> 00:10:04,813 I just have to be a lot closer than most people. 231 00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:06,648 Oh, my. That is small. 232 00:10:06,732 --> 00:10:08,358 Just write it down, please. 233 00:10:08,442 --> 00:10:09,610 Oscar: Can you breathe okay? 234 00:10:09,693 --> 00:10:11,278 What keeps your glasses on? 235 00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:12,780 Hey, it's on the list, everybody. 236 00:10:12,863 --> 00:10:15,115 No, lhavent finished writing. 237 00:10:15,199 --> 00:10:19,495 Did you sneeze it off? That's it. No more. Okay. 238 00:10:19,578 --> 00:10:21,681 Who else, who else? Everybody's going to get their chance. 239 00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:24,500 I don't want people making fun of my weight. 240 00:10:24,583 --> 00:10:26,794 Okay, that's too broad. It's got to be something else. 241 00:10:26,877 --> 00:10:29,046 How about your stomach? Yeah? 242 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:34,384 Who else? I'm very sensitive about my petite figure. 243 00:10:34,635 --> 00:10:35,636 Oh, god. 244 00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:39,431 I am. I'm afraid of being thrown around like a football. 245 00:10:39,848 --> 00:10:42,226 Well, you know, Nicole Richie might think that you are fat. 246 00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:44,061 Does that make you feel better? 247 00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,145 Meredith? 248 00:10:45,229 --> 00:10:46,456 I don't want to say it out loud. 249 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:49,107 Okay, fine. Come on up here, write it yourself. 250 00:10:49,191 --> 00:10:52,236 And don't sign your name to it, and nobody look. 251 00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:55,864 Everybody, look away, look away. 252 00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:58,450 Well, I really didn't want to put it on the board, 253 00:10:58,534 --> 00:11:00,786 but I thought maybe it was going to come out somehow. 254 00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:03,080 So, what are you going to do? 255 00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:09,710 Okay. 256 00:11:09,753 --> 00:11:11,463 Some of you may have noticed 257 00:11:11,547 --> 00:11:17,845 I'm in that kind of ill-defined relationship type of thing. 258 00:11:17,928 --> 00:11:19,346 Okay, what do you want me to write? 259 00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:21,098 Just put Kelly. Aw! 260 00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:22,182 That still going on? 261 00:11:22,266 --> 00:11:23,767 I will claw your tiny nose off. 262 00:11:23,851 --> 00:11:25,269 It's on the list. 263 00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:26,687 Creed, your turn. 264 00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:29,147 If I write it down, I can't be charged with it. 265 00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:30,774 No one said that. 266 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:34,403 That is our sales pitch, and we are sticking to it. 267 00:11:35,696 --> 00:11:39,449 Well, you two are quite the salesmen, and a very cute couple. 268 00:11:40,576 --> 00:11:42,244 Well, it's... 269 00:11:44,121 --> 00:11:45,539 Thank you. Thank you. 270 00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:49,543 Some couples don't seem like a good match, but you two do. 271 00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:50,878 Well, you know. 272 00:11:50,961 --> 00:11:53,547 Yeah, you know, two peas in a pod. 273 00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:55,257 We complete each other. 274 00:11:55,340 --> 00:11:57,050 What can I say? She loves to cook... 275 00:11:57,134 --> 00:11:58,760 He loves to eat. 276 00:11:59,261 --> 00:12:00,470 I love to dance... 277 00:12:00,554 --> 00:12:01,722 I love to watch him dance. 278 00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:04,933 Yeah, right. Sometimes I'll just dance for hours in the living room. 279 00:12:05,017 --> 00:12:06,226 And I'll watch him. 280 00:12:06,310 --> 00:12:09,104 And a baby on the way? You must be so excited. 281 00:12:09,187 --> 00:12:10,689 Mmm. Yes. 282 00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:12,983 Yeah, we are thrilled. Mmm-hmm. 283 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,568 In fact, we spent the whole weekend 284 00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,904 researching various birthing coaches. 285 00:12:16,987 --> 00:12:17,987 Wasn't that fun, honey? 286 00:12:18,030 --> 00:12:19,156 It was, sweetie. Yeah. 287 00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:22,117 Oh, I know the best teacher. Her name is miss Janet. 288 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,410 Yeah, on clearview Avenue. 289 00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:24,536 Keena: Yeah! 290 00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:25,704 Yeah. 291 00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:31,168 This sounds ridiculous, I know, but some people say that I eat like a squirrel. 292 00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:34,796 So now you're comparing yourself to a cute, tiny animal? 293 00:12:36,006 --> 00:12:37,007 Michael? Hmm? 294 00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:40,677 The custodian called again. Apparently a koi has died. 295 00:12:40,761 --> 00:12:41,845 Oh, man! (All exclaim) 296 00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:42,971 It's a fish. 297 00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:44,932 They want you to pay for it. 298 00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:46,659 It could have died of natural causes, though. 299 00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:50,354 Well, they said you stepped on its head. He did not suffer. 300 00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:53,190 When is the funeral? 301 00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:55,734 Do not mock, Oscar. Do not mock. 302 00:12:55,817 --> 00:12:57,611 How much do they want? $300. 303 00:12:57,694 --> 00:13:01,323 What? No. I could get a fish for a five-cent worm. 304 00:13:01,406 --> 00:13:05,369 You're paying way too much for worms, man. Who's your worm guy? 305 00:13:05,494 --> 00:13:08,664 Okay, great meeting, everybody. That's it. No, no. 306 00:13:08,747 --> 00:13:12,084 Thank you. No, we are not done here. This... 307 00:13:14,544 --> 00:13:15,688 One of the baby books suggests 308 00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:19,049 the best birthing posture is on all fours, like an animal. 309 00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:20,759 I just wish I had a special telephone 310 00:13:20,842 --> 00:13:23,971 so I could find out exactly what the little soybean wants. 311 00:13:24,054 --> 00:13:27,224 Right? Hey, little soybean. What do you want? 312 00:13:27,766 --> 00:13:29,393 Right? How do... 313 00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:33,939 I felt it kick. Oh, that's great! 314 00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:37,150 Oh, my gosh, like a little magical footjust high-fived me. 315 00:13:37,234 --> 00:13:38,652 Yeah, well, that'll happen. 316 00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:40,070 Oh, my gosh. 317 00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:43,907 It's like he's trying to say, "I love you, too, daddy. 318 00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:45,158 "I love you, too." 319 00:13:45,242 --> 00:13:47,327 Sometimes we're so excited, we forget where we are. 320 00:13:47,411 --> 00:13:48,412 (Andy moaning) 321 00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:50,622 Like at a business meeting. 322 00:13:51,540 --> 00:13:53,583 Message received, little soybean. 323 00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:55,269 I think you just got to ride this one out, man. 324 00:13:55,293 --> 00:13:57,587 No, Jim, you don't understand. 325 00:13:57,671 --> 00:13:59,756 Things like this just don't die. 326 00:14:00,549 --> 00:14:03,468 Kids in high school still call me "ponytail." No, they don't. 327 00:14:03,552 --> 00:14:06,096 Yes, they do, Jim. Because of the time 328 00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:08,682 I got my ponytail stuck in the power drill. 329 00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:11,393 Maybe if you make fun of yourself, it'll all go away. 330 00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:12,787 I want to make fun of you right now. 331 00:14:12,811 --> 00:14:17,232 Really? Do it. I am a big, stupid goofball. 332 00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:19,943 No, don't do that. You're not stupid. 333 00:14:21,319 --> 00:14:22,404 See? 334 00:14:23,655 --> 00:14:24,781 Oh, my god. 335 00:14:25,115 --> 00:14:30,412 Hey, I just want to say that I cannot believe 336 00:14:30,495 --> 00:14:32,330 that I walked into a koi pond. 337 00:14:32,414 --> 00:14:34,624 I mean, seriously, walk much? 338 00:14:35,584 --> 00:14:36,752 Oh! 339 00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:39,921 I should wear a snorkel to the next business meeting that I go to. 340 00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:42,883 Michael, you know, when you think about it, it's not all your fault. 341 00:14:42,966 --> 00:14:44,843 I mean, who puts a koi pond in a lobby? 342 00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:46,636 Michael: Well, you know what? 343 00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:49,681 You're right, Phyllis, but I've been there before. 344 00:14:49,765 --> 00:14:52,017 I've seen that pond. This is the thing, 345 00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:53,977 I am a world-class moron, is the problem. 346 00:14:54,061 --> 00:14:56,605 Michael, please stop it now. You're embarrassing yourself. 347 00:14:56,688 --> 00:14:58,023 It's okay. We're having fun. 348 00:14:58,106 --> 00:15:01,276 It's actually not the first time I've been embarrassed by a pond. 349 00:15:02,486 --> 00:15:03,528 In high school, 350 00:15:03,612 --> 00:15:06,531 the girls volleyball team always used to throw me into the frozen lake. 351 00:15:06,615 --> 00:15:08,366 Four years in a row. 352 00:15:09,076 --> 00:15:10,327 (Michael laughing) 353 00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:14,998 It was freezing! No, no, no. This is even worse. 354 00:15:15,373 --> 00:15:17,876 Couple of weeks ago, I went to get a new cell phone 355 00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:19,503 and I wanted one of those packages 356 00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:20,813 where you have the five, you know, 357 00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:22,839 the friends and family thing? 358 00:15:22,923 --> 00:15:24,925 And the guy was like, "who are your five friends?" 359 00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:27,761 And I'm like... I didn't even know. 360 00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:31,973 I couldn't even think. Oh, my god, it was so embarrassing. 361 00:15:32,474 --> 00:15:33,975 That was so... 362 00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:38,021 I don't even have jan's cell phone number, and I hate her. 363 00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:42,609 She won't give it to me. I was like, "I guess I'm a loser." 364 00:15:43,026 --> 00:15:46,613 (Staggering) A loser! 365 00:15:47,072 --> 00:15:49,407 Too far! God! 366 00:15:50,867 --> 00:15:54,037 Thanks a lot, man. Thanks for the advice. 367 00:15:56,832 --> 00:15:57,874 (Door slams shut) 368 00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:05,549 Enjoying your nut? 369 00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:06,633 Oscar: Kevin. 370 00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:07,716 I'm not mocking. 371 00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:11,346 I was just making an observation about her nut. 372 00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:12,973 I was. (Cell phone bleeps) 373 00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:15,851 Hey, who wants to watch Michael's pond dive? 374 00:16:15,934 --> 00:16:19,479 My roommate's friend is the night janitor over there. 375 00:16:19,563 --> 00:16:23,233 He swiped the security tape for me, and he's bringing it over. 376 00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:27,112 Mmm. You know what? Maybe we should go easy on Michael, guys. 377 00:16:27,195 --> 00:16:28,256 You know, you watch that tape, 378 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:31,867 and you're going to have to stay late for more sensitivity training, so. 379 00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:33,869 Yeah. We'll stay late. 380 00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:37,539 You are not a joke. 381 00:16:37,622 --> 00:16:38,665 I am. 382 00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:39,791 You are smart. 383 00:16:39,875 --> 00:16:40,876 Jim is smarter than me. 384 00:16:40,959 --> 00:16:42,919 You are handsome. Jim is more handsome. 385 00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:47,883 No, Jim is ugly. Please. I mean, I'd give anything for his nose. It's true. 386 00:16:47,966 --> 00:16:50,552 The rest of him, god, he looks like popeye's wife. 387 00:16:50,635 --> 00:16:52,596 Wow, Wilma. 388 00:16:52,929 --> 00:16:55,390 See, that is funny. That is a joke. 389 00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:58,101 I knowjokes and you are not a joke. 390 00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:00,520 Her name's not Wilma. 391 00:17:01,479 --> 00:17:03,356 Stop making me laugh. 392 00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:04,893 Well, that went pretty well. 393 00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:05,941 Yeah, I guess. 394 00:17:05,984 --> 00:17:08,028 We got a maybe. It was our first maybe. 395 00:17:08,111 --> 00:17:11,031 Going by the nard-dog curve, I'd say we nailed it. 396 00:17:11,114 --> 00:17:12,175 If I'm being completely honest, 397 00:17:12,199 --> 00:17:13,825 I could have done without the belly kiss. 398 00:17:13,909 --> 00:17:15,452 You know what? I'm sorry, 399 00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:18,788 'cause in that moment, I knew I was kissing your belly too much. 400 00:17:18,872 --> 00:17:20,248 Yeah, way too much. Yeah. 401 00:17:20,332 --> 00:17:22,083 I mean, what the hell was that? 402 00:17:22,167 --> 00:17:23,543 What the heck was that? 403 00:17:23,627 --> 00:17:24,628 When you cried. 404 00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:27,214 (Sighs) Try "almost cried." Okay? 405 00:17:27,297 --> 00:17:29,216 I just got caught up in the fantasy. 406 00:17:29,299 --> 00:17:32,552 Your fantasy involves comparison shopping birthing classes? 407 00:17:32,636 --> 00:17:35,889 No. I know I'm going to go with miss Janet. 408 00:17:35,972 --> 00:17:39,267 I just... I don't know, it was fun to role-play, right? 409 00:17:39,351 --> 00:17:40,393 Hmm. 410 00:17:40,477 --> 00:17:43,897 It was fun for me, having a wife and a little baby. 411 00:17:45,023 --> 00:17:47,359 I'm so sick of being single. 412 00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:49,736 Well, are you dating anyone? 413 00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:53,531 What do you think of Erin? I mean, she's kind of cool. 414 00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:55,367 (Exclaims scornfully) 415 00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:56,534 You think I can do better? 416 00:17:56,618 --> 00:17:58,411 (Exclaims scornfully) 417 00:17:58,620 --> 00:18:00,705 Got to get my going out on. 418 00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:03,017 Hey, let's watch this thing. 419 00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:04,501 Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay, yeah. 420 00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:05,669 We're not watching this. 421 00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,087 How can we not watch this? 422 00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:08,672 What happened to "do not mock"? 423 00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:10,173 We're not mocking, we're watching. 424 00:18:10,257 --> 00:18:12,217 That will inevitably lead to mocking, so. 425 00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:13,611 Phyllis: Well, we'll deal with it as it comes. 426 00:18:13,635 --> 00:18:14,820 Is this the tape of me falling? 427 00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:15,929 Yes, put the DVD in. Yep. 428 00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:17,490 Open up quicktime. It starts on its own. 429 00:18:17,514 --> 00:18:19,349 No, use quicktime, trust me, I've done this. 430 00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,476 Guys, Michael can't handle this. 431 00:18:21,559 --> 00:18:23,895 And as your boss, I'm saying, we're not watching it. 432 00:18:23,979 --> 00:18:26,606 No, it's okay, watch it. He can't fire all of you. 433 00:18:26,690 --> 00:18:27,732 Jim: What are you doing? 434 00:18:27,816 --> 00:18:29,234 It's all right. I can handle it. 435 00:18:29,317 --> 00:18:30,610 I am a grownup, Jim. No. 436 00:18:30,694 --> 00:18:31,695 Meredith: It's on. 437 00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:32,779 Kevin: There they come. 438 00:18:33,488 --> 00:18:34,781 (All exclaiming) 439 00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:36,199 Boom! 440 00:18:36,241 --> 00:18:37,951 Oscar: Oh! Did you see that? See what? 441 00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:39,286 Wait, why did you stop it? 442 00:18:39,369 --> 00:18:41,079 Oscar, yes, you're right to stop it. 443 00:18:41,162 --> 00:18:42,414 Thank you, eject it. 444 00:18:42,497 --> 00:18:44,291 Jim, you let Michael fall in. 445 00:18:44,374 --> 00:18:45,500 Dwight: Play it again. 446 00:18:47,377 --> 00:18:48,628 (All exclaim) 447 00:18:48,712 --> 00:18:51,715 Dwight: He purposefully leaned away and let you fall. 448 00:18:51,923 --> 00:18:54,009 (Chuckles nervously) Oh, man! 449 00:18:57,012 --> 00:19:00,307 I think when I started to see you go in, I think I just froze. 450 00:19:00,390 --> 00:19:02,350 I don't think you froze. 451 00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:07,105 It's a killer new dance move. 452 00:19:08,898 --> 00:19:10,618 (Softly) Do you want to talk in your office? 453 00:19:12,402 --> 00:19:15,739 I didn't ask you. Would you like to talk? 454 00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:19,701 (Whispers) Judas. 455 00:19:19,784 --> 00:19:21,494 Jim is my enemy, but it turns out 456 00:19:21,578 --> 00:19:23,663 that Jim is also his own worst enemy. 457 00:19:23,747 --> 00:19:28,418 And the enemy of my enemy is my friend, so Jim is actually my friend. 458 00:19:30,378 --> 00:19:33,173 But, because he is his own worst enemy, 459 00:19:33,256 --> 00:19:35,050 the enemy of my friend is my enemy, 460 00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:37,260 so actually Jim is my enemy. 461 00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:39,095 But... 462 00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:42,265 I should have grabbed you. I'm sorry. 463 00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:47,145 Look, I thought I could have done today's sales call alone. 464 00:19:47,645 --> 00:19:49,731 I mean, I may never be as good a salesman as you are, 465 00:19:49,814 --> 00:19:52,817 but I at least need the chance to do the job. 466 00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:56,196 Jim is jealous of me? 467 00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:01,326 Jim is jealous of me. 468 00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:07,040 Hey, what's up, lifeguard? 469 00:20:07,123 --> 00:20:09,084 Oscar: Jim, I think I'm in your way. 470 00:20:09,584 --> 00:20:11,169 (Both chuckling) 471 00:20:16,007 --> 00:20:17,634 Oscar's a douche. 472 00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:21,596 He's all right. 473 00:20:21,679 --> 00:20:23,973 He's... yeah, he's all right. 474 00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:27,811 Okay. 475 00:20:32,482 --> 00:20:33,762 Thanks, Michael. You're welcome. 476 00:20:33,983 --> 00:20:36,236 Whoa! Almost fell. 477 00:20:36,319 --> 00:20:37,654 (Chuckles) 478 00:20:42,659 --> 00:20:45,620 Hey, Erin, do you mind faxing this for me? Oh, sure. 479 00:20:45,703 --> 00:20:47,414 Wait, hand them to me upside down, 480 00:20:47,497 --> 00:20:49,958 so I don't accidentally read them. 481 00:20:50,792 --> 00:20:51,793 Okay. Thanks. 482 00:20:51,876 --> 00:20:52,919 Mmm-hmm. 483 00:20:53,002 --> 00:20:55,630 How did today go, by the way? Did you make any sales? 484 00:20:55,713 --> 00:20:58,133 No, it was a total waste of time. 485 00:21:01,344 --> 00:21:02,387 It was fun, though, 486 00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:04,013 because I got to spend the day 487 00:21:04,097 --> 00:21:06,349 with Andy Bernard and he's really cool. 488 00:21:06,433 --> 00:21:07,767 Yeah, he is. 489 00:21:07,851 --> 00:21:09,144 Yeah, he is. 490 00:21:09,227 --> 00:21:11,396 He's like the coolest person I've ever met. 491 00:21:11,479 --> 00:21:13,356 That's right. 492 00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:16,401 He's like Marlon Brando. 493 00:21:19,154 --> 00:21:22,532 Oh, do you mean Marlon wayans? 'Cause he is. 494 00:21:23,324 --> 00:21:25,785 I actually do mean Marlon wayans. Yeah.