1 00:00:03,754 --> 00:00:05,673 You wanted to see me? Yeah, have a seat. 2 00:00:05,756 --> 00:00:07,258 Isitseflous? 3 00:00:09,427 --> 00:00:11,971 Wow. Andy's a little scared. 4 00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:13,181 Okay, right there. 5 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:16,392 Right there's the problem. 6 00:00:16,475 --> 00:00:18,895 There have been reports around the office 7 00:00:18,978 --> 00:00:22,523 that you have been talking baby talk. 8 00:00:22,607 --> 00:00:23,691 Why would people say that? 9 00:00:23,774 --> 00:00:29,113 Well, I have it on good authority that you said the following. 10 00:00:29,405 --> 00:00:30,990 Can you read that back to me? 11 00:00:31,115 --> 00:00:33,117 Mmm-hmm. "Andy have a boo-boo tummy." 12 00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:35,828 Would you rather me say, 13 00:00:35,912 --> 00:00:39,874 "hey, guys, my irritable bowel syndrome is flaring up." 14 00:00:39,957 --> 00:00:42,168 Okay. "Crazy diarrhea happening right now." 15 00:00:42,251 --> 00:00:43,961 'Cause things can get real adult real fast. 16 00:00:44,045 --> 00:00:45,880 You are also on record as saying, 17 00:00:45,963 --> 00:00:48,174 "wittle-ittle, footie-wooties, num-nums, 18 00:00:48,257 --> 00:00:52,136 "jammies, make boom-boom, widiciwus, and whode island." 19 00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:55,431 Do I sometimes replace rs with ws? 20 00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:57,576 Do I sometimes repeat a word to get my point across? 21 00:00:57,600 --> 00:01:00,645 Well, if I do, Andy's sowwy. 22 00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:03,731 You can't be a baby in the office. 23 00:01:03,814 --> 00:01:06,442 It makes me look like I hire babies. 24 00:01:06,525 --> 00:01:07,610 Well, if we're complaining, 25 00:01:07,693 --> 00:01:09,671 a lot of people think your Elvis voice is annoying. 26 00:01:09,695 --> 00:01:10,863 Okay. Who said that? 27 00:01:10,947 --> 00:01:12,073 Just people. 28 00:01:12,156 --> 00:01:15,117 For the record, I think it's pretty fantastic. 29 00:01:15,201 --> 00:01:17,245 Thank you. Thank you a lot. 30 00:01:17,870 --> 00:01:20,015 And for what it's worth, I think your baby voice is tops. 31 00:01:20,039 --> 00:01:22,041 Tank you, Mr. Elvis. 32 00:01:22,124 --> 00:01:23,334 You're welcome, baby. 33 00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:50,236 Dr. Tuna md, I have some terrible news. 34 00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:51,755 Wait, are you the patient or the doctor? 35 00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:53,572 The entire office has come down 36 00:01:53,656 --> 00:01:56,325 with a pernicious case of the mondays. 37 00:01:56,742 --> 00:01:58,286 Wow. What do you put our chances at? 38 00:01:58,369 --> 00:01:59,537 O%. 39 00:02:00,079 --> 00:02:04,417 Unless we perform an immediate emergency morale transplant, stat! 40 00:02:05,209 --> 00:02:06,252 Sounds risky. 41 00:02:06,335 --> 00:02:08,671 Don't worry. There is a surefire cure. 42 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:13,384 Employee of the month. Every awesome place I've worked had one. 43 00:02:13,551 --> 00:02:18,055 Bear stearns, lehman brothers, aig, my summer at enron. 44 00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:21,100 Wow. That's not such a bad idea. Great. 45 00:02:21,183 --> 00:02:22,977 Anything else? Nope. 46 00:02:26,105 --> 00:02:28,190 "Frankie's dirty joke of the day." 47 00:02:28,274 --> 00:02:29,859 There's a bunch of those. Keep. 48 00:02:29,942 --> 00:02:32,486 There's a bunch of sent emails that just say "delivered." 49 00:02:32,570 --> 00:02:33,654 Should I delete those? 50 00:02:33,738 --> 00:02:36,157 I want to keep those so I can see what I sent. 51 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:37,467 That's why you have a sent mail folder. 52 00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:38,534 Keep. 53 00:02:38,617 --> 00:02:41,579 There's about three news alerts from nip slip. 54 00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:43,456 For what? Nip slip. 55 00:02:43,539 --> 00:02:45,666 Okay. I don't know how those get on there. 56 00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:46,751 Well... 57 00:02:46,876 --> 00:02:48,544 Must be hackers. (Knocking on door) 58 00:02:48,627 --> 00:02:50,755 Hey, what's up? 59 00:02:51,088 --> 00:02:54,342 What if I told you I had done the worst thing ever? 60 00:02:54,425 --> 00:02:55,819 Would you still want to be my friend? 61 00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:57,011 Did you murder someone? 62 00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:58,179 Worse than murder. 63 00:02:58,262 --> 00:02:59,430 Oh, my god. 64 00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,182 Lurk much? 65 00:03:03,017 --> 00:03:04,393 I miss Pam. 66 00:03:07,438 --> 00:03:08,439 I think she's okay. 67 00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:11,192 Is that what we're going for now? "Okay"? 68 00:03:11,275 --> 00:03:12,943 We used to go for "pretty good." 69 00:03:13,027 --> 00:03:14,070 Great. 70 00:03:14,153 --> 00:03:15,613 Hey, how do you feel about starting 71 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,114 an employee of the month program? 72 00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:20,576 Yeah. You know what, that actually might make me feel better. 73 00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:22,012 I'm not in this for the trophies, but... 74 00:03:22,036 --> 00:03:23,037 You're not in it at all 75 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:25,057 'cause you can't be employee of the month. You're a manager. 76 00:03:25,081 --> 00:03:26,582 Well, technically I am a co-manager 77 00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:28,459 and I barely have any responsibilities. 78 00:03:28,584 --> 00:03:30,920 All right. Yeah. But I work hard, I love this company, 79 00:03:31,003 --> 00:03:33,523 and for those reasons I think I would make a good employee of the month. 80 00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:34,673 It would look bad. Sorry. 81 00:03:34,757 --> 00:03:37,134 It would look good on my mantle. 82 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,637 Jim's talking to Michael right now. 83 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,555 They totally went for our idea! 84 00:03:41,639 --> 00:03:44,183 Yeah! Your idea. 85 00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:45,518 My idea. 86 00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:47,520 I just need Andy to think it's his idea 87 00:03:47,603 --> 00:03:50,356 so it won't get traced back to me. 88 00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:55,319 In approximately six hours Jim will get a phone call from David Wallace. 89 00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:57,196 He will be fired. 90 00:03:57,488 --> 00:04:01,033 Hey, Pam, do you have a sec to check over this itinerary? 91 00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:03,244 Looks great. 92 00:04:03,327 --> 00:04:06,205 Did you really look it over? Felt like maybe you didn't. 93 00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:07,415 Okay. 94 00:04:08,666 --> 00:04:11,752 The Michael Scott foundation is still in existence. 95 00:04:11,836 --> 00:04:14,713 There you are. I don't think we have finished with my inbox. 96 00:04:14,797 --> 00:04:16,674 What's "Scott's tots"? 97 00:04:17,508 --> 00:04:18,884 (Laughing) 98 00:04:22,263 --> 00:04:24,390 Has it really been 10 years? 99 00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:27,101 (Reading) 100 00:04:34,108 --> 00:04:36,235 Michael, why did you promise that? 101 00:04:36,318 --> 00:04:37,570 To change lives. 102 00:04:37,653 --> 00:04:40,489 No. Michael, why would you promise that? 103 00:04:40,573 --> 00:04:42,199 You know... okay. I can't... 104 00:04:42,408 --> 00:04:44,743 Call the school, cancel. I can't go through with this. 105 00:04:44,827 --> 00:04:46,704 We've already rescheduled seven times. 106 00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:50,332 Michael, this is a terrible, terrible thing you've done. 107 00:04:50,416 --> 00:04:51,459 Well... 108 00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:54,628 It's terrible. Just terrible. 109 00:04:55,254 --> 00:04:57,715 And the longer you put it off, the worse it's gonna get. 110 00:04:57,840 --> 00:05:00,426 I just... ifehinlove with these kids, 111 00:05:00,509 --> 00:05:03,304 and I didn't want to see them fall victim to the system. 112 00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:04,430 So I made them a promise. 113 00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:07,391 I told them that if they graduated from high school, 114 00:05:07,475 --> 00:05:10,561 I would pay for their college education. 115 00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:14,231 I have made some empty promises in my life, 116 00:05:14,315 --> 00:05:16,859 but hands down, that was the most generous. 117 00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:19,153 Just tell me it is going to be okay, all right? 118 00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:23,157 I'm not a bad-news person. I bring good news, 119 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:25,576 like when I promised those kids I'd pay for college. 120 00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:26,660 (Laughing) 121 00:05:26,744 --> 00:05:29,079 Okay. All right. 122 00:05:29,163 --> 00:05:30,498 You have to tell them. 123 00:05:31,415 --> 00:05:35,336 Would you come with me? You know, like old times? Instead of... 124 00:05:36,504 --> 00:05:39,924 I can print out a new itinerary with Pam's name on it. 125 00:05:40,424 --> 00:05:42,343 It's fine. Erin, you're gonna go, 126 00:05:42,426 --> 00:05:44,362 and you're gonna make sure Michael tells the truth. 127 00:05:44,386 --> 00:05:47,431 Oh, god. You know what? Could this day get any worse? 128 00:05:48,432 --> 00:05:51,060 Hey, Jimmy, what's up? 129 00:05:51,143 --> 00:05:52,186 Not much. 130 00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:55,439 Cool. Very cool. I bet if you tried, 131 00:05:55,648 --> 00:05:59,026 you could grow the best beard of anyone in this office. 132 00:05:59,109 --> 00:06:00,277 Thanks, Dwight. 133 00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:01,737 That laugh is so infectious. 134 00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:04,073 You're creeping me out. I'm gonna go. 135 00:06:04,156 --> 00:06:06,367 I didn't mean any of those things I just said. 136 00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:10,037 And you can expect the same thing from everyone in this office 137 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:13,415 if you don't nip this whole employee of the month situation in the bud. 138 00:06:13,499 --> 00:06:15,709 Make it about the work. 139 00:06:15,793 --> 00:06:17,670 Let me guess. You think you should get it. 140 00:06:18,295 --> 00:06:21,298 This encompasses all available data. 141 00:06:21,632 --> 00:06:25,970 Hours, tardiness, unconfirmed sick days, participation. 142 00:06:26,136 --> 00:06:28,764 Everyone has been assigned a random number 143 00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:31,475 for total fairness and transparency. 144 00:06:31,934 --> 00:06:34,478 Also, this should be accompanied by a monetary prize. 145 00:06:34,603 --> 00:06:36,323 Well, in an ideal world... in an ideal world 146 00:06:36,355 --> 00:06:38,075 I would have all 10 fingers on my left hand, 147 00:06:38,148 --> 00:06:40,126 so my right hand could just be a fist for punching. 148 00:06:40,150 --> 00:06:41,569 Okay. If it's all the same to you, 149 00:06:41,652 --> 00:06:44,405 I'm just gonna take away survival skills and self-defense. 150 00:06:44,488 --> 00:06:46,657 I'm gonna run this by Toby and accounting 151 00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,242 and have them assemble the data. 152 00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:50,202 It's okay, I'll do it. 153 00:06:54,540 --> 00:06:55,874 Mike la: Mr. Scott? 154 00:06:57,042 --> 00:07:00,087 Hey! Mikela lasker! How are you? 155 00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:01,213 I'm good. 156 00:07:01,297 --> 00:07:02,566 Good to see you. Where's your saxophone? 157 00:07:02,590 --> 00:07:04,174 It's in the music room, Mr. Scott. 158 00:07:04,258 --> 00:07:06,218 Eighth-grade graduation, she gave a rendition 159 00:07:06,302 --> 00:07:08,989 of when the saints go marching in that would blow your freaking mind. 160 00:07:09,013 --> 00:07:10,013 Wow. 161 00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:11,157 Well, you didn't even hear it. 162 00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:13,183 Everyone's so excited that you're here today. 163 00:07:13,267 --> 00:07:14,268 Oh, good. Now, 164 00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:16,228 I know you probably want to see everyone, 165 00:07:16,312 --> 00:07:18,623 but I was wondering if I could ask you some questions first. 166 00:07:18,647 --> 00:07:19,982 Sure. You're famous. 167 00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:22,443 I'm sure you remember this place. Oh, yeah. 168 00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:23,527 Do you want to go in? 169 00:07:23,611 --> 00:07:24,862 No, not at all. Nope. Come on. 170 00:07:27,615 --> 00:07:29,342 You know what? You know, I shouldn't go in there. 171 00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:30,618 I'm pretty busy. I shouldn't... 172 00:07:30,701 --> 00:07:33,203 We just want to say thanks. 173 00:07:37,541 --> 00:07:41,629 All: Mr. Scott! Mr. Scott! Mr. Scott! 174 00:07:41,712 --> 00:07:42,713 Mr. Scott! 175 00:07:43,464 --> 00:07:46,008 Mr. Scott, I know you're a busy man 176 00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:47,926 and your schedule moves around a lot, 177 00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:51,805 but for all your generosity through the years, your tots, 178 00:07:52,181 --> 00:07:53,682 who are ready to graduate, 179 00:07:53,766 --> 00:07:57,061 thought it was time to give you a proper thank you. 180 00:07:58,312 --> 00:08:00,105 (Students exclaiming) 181 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:06,737 (Singing) Hey, Mr. Scott, what you gonna do 182 00:08:06,862 --> 00:08:09,281 what you gonna do make our dreams come true 183 00:08:09,365 --> 00:08:11,825 hey, Mr. Scott, what you gonna do 184 00:08:11,909 --> 00:08:14,161 what you gonna do make our dreams come true 185 00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:17,081 you came into our lives and made a promise that made us honest 186 00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:20,084 made us realize we don't need to compromise 187 00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:21,710 'cause we can have it all 188 00:08:21,794 --> 00:08:26,131 'cause you made it possible for us to achieve the improbable 189 00:08:26,215 --> 00:08:29,343 hey, hey, hey, hey hey, hey, hey, hey 190 00:08:29,426 --> 00:08:31,804 hey, Mr. Scott, what you gonna do 191 00:08:31,887 --> 00:08:34,890 what you gonna do make our dreams come true 192 00:08:35,766 --> 00:08:36,809 wow! 193 00:08:45,651 --> 00:08:49,113 Hey. So Jim thought it would be ideal... 194 00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:51,532 If we all pitched in... hey. 195 00:08:51,824 --> 00:08:53,325 So, Jim thought it would be ideal 196 00:08:53,409 --> 00:08:57,329 if we all pitched in a 20 for this whole employee of the month thing. 197 00:08:57,413 --> 00:08:58,539 Jim said that? 198 00:08:58,622 --> 00:09:01,625 He thought you were doing an incredible job last month. 199 00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:03,127 Jim said that? 200 00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:04,336 You seem surprised. 201 00:09:04,753 --> 00:09:07,047 No, no, that makes total sense. 202 00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:14,805 Hey, buddy. So everyone... 203 00:09:17,808 --> 00:09:21,311 Five minutes ahead of schedule. Right on schedule. 204 00:09:21,979 --> 00:09:23,981 Politicians are always coming around, 205 00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:28,152 telling us they're gonna fix our schools, promising this and that. 206 00:09:28,861 --> 00:09:33,157 But you, Mr. Scott, you are actually doing it! 207 00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:37,745 You have taught these kids, with hard work, that anything is possible. 208 00:09:38,162 --> 00:09:41,498 You are a dream maker, and I thank you. 209 00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:46,170 I thank you. I thank you, I thank you, I thank you. 210 00:09:51,550 --> 00:09:53,260 There were a lot of times over the years 211 00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:55,429 where I was pressured to get into the drug game. 212 00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:58,515 But I always thought back to my guardian angel 213 00:09:59,141 --> 00:10:00,851 and the gift that you gave me. 214 00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:03,896 So I just want to thank you for giving me the opportunity 215 00:10:03,979 --> 00:10:06,356 to go to college, educate myself, 216 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,609 and become the next President Obama. 217 00:10:08,692 --> 00:10:10,402 Oh, god. 218 00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:18,035 Okay, ladies and gentlemen, welcome. 219 00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:21,455 I know you're all very excited, but no matter who gets this, 220 00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:23,373 I just want to say that you guys are all 221 00:10:23,457 --> 00:10:24,958 employees of the month in my eyes. 222 00:10:25,042 --> 00:10:26,126 (All laughing) 223 00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:30,672 And the winner is employee number nine, and that is... 224 00:10:31,548 --> 00:10:35,469 Number nine, number nine, Jim Halpert. 225 00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:36,720 Angela: What? Kevin: What? 226 00:10:36,804 --> 00:10:38,722 Are you kidding me? Oh, no. 227 00:10:38,806 --> 00:10:41,266 Okay, wait. I was not... 228 00:10:42,351 --> 00:10:44,102 I did not get... 229 00:10:44,186 --> 00:10:46,814 "I did not... that was not... 230 00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:48,774 "How come not..." 231 00:10:48,857 --> 00:10:49,942 Guys, listen. 232 00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:51,527 This was anonymous, all right? 233 00:10:51,610 --> 00:10:53,379 There's no way I could have given it to myself, 234 00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:55,572 because I didn't even know who was on here. 235 00:10:55,656 --> 00:10:57,801 I just gave it to the employee with the highest overall score. 236 00:10:57,825 --> 00:11:00,702 To my tally, you just won back your own parking spot, 237 00:11:00,786 --> 00:11:04,623 a vacation day, and a nice tidy quarter of $1,000 from all of us. 238 00:11:04,706 --> 00:11:06,186 Will everybody just stop for a second? 239 00:11:06,250 --> 00:11:07,852 'Cause obviously I'm not taking any of it. 240 00:11:07,876 --> 00:11:09,837 A mistake has been made and we'll figure it out. 241 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:11,505 Second of all, there was no cash prize. 242 00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:12,631 Yes! 243 00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:13,924 Dwight? Yeah, you said, 244 00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,735 "in an ideal world, there would be a cash prize." 245 00:11:15,759 --> 00:11:17,678 Isn't that what you said? No, Dwight, I meant, 246 00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:20,389 yes, in a perfect world, someone would get money, but not... 247 00:11:20,472 --> 00:11:23,809 Yeah, but, in your perfect world, only you get money. 248 00:11:23,892 --> 00:11:25,620 Kevin: Yeah, that's... Angela: Don't do this... 249 00:11:25,644 --> 00:11:27,563 Dwight: I know, all right? Don't do... 250 00:11:27,646 --> 00:11:30,774 Let's put your hands together and give a warm welcome 251 00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:33,735 for the man of the hour, Mr. Michael Scott. 252 00:11:33,819 --> 00:11:34,903 (Whooping) 253 00:11:39,116 --> 00:11:40,450 Thank you. 254 00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:46,248 All right. Wow. 255 00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:51,420 I am never going to forget today. Not a chance. 256 00:11:51,962 --> 00:11:55,883 I don't think I could ever give back to you what you have given me today. 257 00:11:55,966 --> 00:11:58,719 Who here's done something stupid in their lives? 258 00:11:58,802 --> 00:12:00,888 Like skipped out on study hall 259 00:12:00,971 --> 00:12:03,056 or mix up the difference between a gym and b gym, 260 00:12:03,140 --> 00:12:04,516 that sort of thing? Show of hands. 261 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:07,060 Anybody? Yes, a bunch of you. Okay. 262 00:12:07,144 --> 00:12:11,481 Well, me, too. I've done something stupid, which I would like to share. 263 00:12:13,108 --> 00:12:14,902 (School bell ringing) 264 00:12:16,028 --> 00:12:17,154 Should we go? 265 00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:19,615 No, no, we're okay. It's a double period. 266 00:12:20,866 --> 00:12:24,745 All right. I came here today because I promised you tuition, 267 00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:26,955 and tuition is very valuable. 268 00:12:27,039 --> 00:12:29,750 But you know what's invaluable? 269 00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:32,127 Is intuition. You know what that is? 270 00:12:32,711 --> 00:12:36,548 That is the ability to know when something is about to happen. 271 00:12:38,216 --> 00:12:40,218 Does anybody out there have intuition? 272 00:12:40,302 --> 00:12:42,387 Know what's gonna happen next? 273 00:12:42,471 --> 00:12:45,265 Nobody? Okay. You're gonna make me say it. 274 00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:49,645 All right. I am so proud of all of you. 275 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:55,275 Derrick and lefervre and Ben and Ayana 276 00:12:55,359 --> 00:12:59,488 and mikela and Nikki and Jason and... 277 00:12:59,905 --> 00:13:02,449 I'm sorry, okay, I'm sort of spacing your name. 278 00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:04,618 I'm Zion. I'm mikela's younger brother. 279 00:13:04,701 --> 00:13:07,329 Well, Zion, I am not going to be paying for your tuition. 280 00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:08,664 (All laughing) 281 00:13:11,041 --> 00:13:12,501 Which brings me to my main point, 282 00:13:12,584 --> 00:13:16,338 and that is that I will not be able to pay for anybody's tuition. 283 00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:20,384 I'm so, so sorry. 284 00:13:23,220 --> 00:13:24,322 Girl: What? Boy: You're kidding. 285 00:13:24,346 --> 00:13:25,639 Excuse me? 286 00:13:25,722 --> 00:13:27,099 (Clamoring) 287 00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:32,521 I'm sorry. 288 00:13:33,855 --> 00:13:36,358 Explain yourself, sir! 289 00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:38,402 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 290 00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:39,778 I'm so sorry. 291 00:13:39,861 --> 00:13:40,988 You lied to us. 292 00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:45,867 Yep. I lied to myself, too. I'm not a millionaire. 293 00:13:46,827 --> 00:13:50,038 I thought I would be by the time I was 30, but I wasn't even close, 294 00:13:50,122 --> 00:13:52,499 and then I thought maybe by the time I was 40, 295 00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:55,419 but by 40 I had less money than when I was 30. 296 00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:57,129 Maybe by my 50s, I don't know. 297 00:13:57,212 --> 00:14:00,340 I wanted to pay for your education. 298 00:14:01,258 --> 00:14:04,219 I really did. It was my dream. 299 00:14:05,012 --> 00:14:08,932 Some people have evil dreams, some people have selfish dreams, 300 00:14:09,141 --> 00:14:12,102 or wet dreams. My dream was in the right place. 301 00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:13,562 You owe this to us. 302 00:14:13,645 --> 00:14:15,439 Okay, hold on. Hold on. 303 00:14:16,732 --> 00:14:19,776 Now, I can't pay for your college, 304 00:14:20,318 --> 00:14:24,781 but you don't have to go to class to be in class. 305 00:14:25,991 --> 00:14:28,869 Online courses are a viable option 306 00:14:28,952 --> 00:14:30,954 to a traditional college experience, 307 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,623 and the best way to access those courses 308 00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:36,793 is with your own personal laptop, 309 00:14:37,919 --> 00:14:41,048 which is rendered useless without batteries, 310 00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:42,674 and I have one for each of you. 311 00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:44,342 (All clamoring) 312 00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:52,017 Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. They're lithium. 313 00:14:56,855 --> 00:15:00,901 Look, there was a big mistake, obviously, so I will fix it. Okay? 314 00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:03,070 This was your idea anyway. 315 00:15:03,153 --> 00:15:05,989 Correction. It was my idea. 316 00:15:06,073 --> 00:15:07,157 Okay. 317 00:15:07,365 --> 00:15:08,617 My idea. 318 00:15:08,992 --> 00:15:11,620 Guys, I'm starting to think Pam's not even pregnant. 319 00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:14,915 Okay, for the record, I am pregnant, 320 00:15:14,998 --> 00:15:17,584 and obviously there's been some kind of a mistake, 321 00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:21,505 so why doesn't Jim just pick the next highest score on the list 322 00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:22,923 and we'll move on. 323 00:15:23,006 --> 00:15:24,549 Yeah, okay. That's fair. 324 00:15:24,633 --> 00:15:26,593 Excehentidea, panm thank you. 325 00:15:26,676 --> 00:15:30,680 That would be employee number three, which is... 326 00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:32,516 Son of a bitch! 327 00:15:33,475 --> 00:15:35,185 Pam Halpert. All: What? 328 00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:37,896 How is that possible? 329 00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:41,024 No offense, Pam, but how the hell is that possible? 330 00:15:41,191 --> 00:15:44,444 There must be some reasonable explanation for this. 331 00:15:44,528 --> 00:15:47,280 Wait, come on. I didn't miss a day, 332 00:15:47,364 --> 00:15:49,157 I came in early, I stayed late, 333 00:15:49,366 --> 00:15:51,118 and I doubled my sales last month. 334 00:15:51,201 --> 00:15:53,370 Oh, really? From what? Two to four? 335 00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:57,541 Guys, this isn't some elaborate scam, okay? 336 00:15:57,874 --> 00:16:01,378 Hi, I have an order here for a custom cake. Jim Halpert. 337 00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:04,965 Okay. That is me, but I didn't order the cake. 338 00:16:06,174 --> 00:16:07,926 Look who it is. 339 00:16:08,218 --> 00:16:09,469 (All exclaiming) 340 00:16:09,553 --> 00:16:11,138 (Angela reading) 341 00:16:11,221 --> 00:16:12,681 Dwight: He knew all along. 342 00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:14,141 Kelly: I'm gonna have some cake. 343 00:16:14,224 --> 00:16:15,368 Stephanie: David Wallace's office. 344 00:16:15,392 --> 00:16:18,353 This is Kevin Malone. Is David there? 345 00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:21,648 No, he's in his weekly staff meeting. Can I take a message? 346 00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:27,946 Tell him I'm mad at Jim 'cause he's asking us to give money to Pam. 347 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:33,660 This is Stanley Hudson. Jim Halpert is a menace. 348 00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:38,999 It's Toby Flenderson. Listen, things are getting really bad down here. 349 00:16:44,254 --> 00:16:45,755 Hey, Mr. Scott. 350 00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:51,052 Erin, can you give us a second? 351 00:16:51,928 --> 00:16:53,072 That was messed up what you did. 352 00:16:53,096 --> 00:16:54,598 Yeah, yeah, I know. I know. 353 00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:55,891 I know, I'm sorry. 354 00:16:55,974 --> 00:16:57,684 Who does something like that? 355 00:16:57,767 --> 00:16:59,519 Who promises that to a bunch of kids 356 00:16:59,603 --> 00:17:02,564 and then just doesn't come through like that? 357 00:17:03,815 --> 00:17:04,900 What can I do? 358 00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:06,568 You could pay for my college. 359 00:17:06,651 --> 00:17:10,488 I can give you an extra laptop battery. Not everyone took one. 360 00:17:11,865 --> 00:17:12,908 (Sighs) 361 00:17:14,784 --> 00:17:16,328 How about this? 362 00:17:16,953 --> 00:17:22,042 If you can find a way to pay for your tuition, let me buy your books, okay? 363 00:17:22,125 --> 00:17:23,210 They're expensive. 364 00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:26,254 Yeah, well, I owe you that at least, right? 365 00:17:26,588 --> 00:17:28,048 It's about $1,000. 366 00:17:28,131 --> 00:17:30,175 (Exhales) Really? Wow. 367 00:17:31,468 --> 00:17:32,802 That's over $200 a year. 368 00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:34,763 No, $1,000 each year. 369 00:17:34,846 --> 00:17:37,515 For... okay. Okay. 370 00:17:39,142 --> 00:17:42,729 Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna write four checks for $1,000 each. 371 00:17:42,812 --> 00:17:44,940 I'm going to date them one year apart. 372 00:17:45,023 --> 00:17:47,108 Now, you are to use one check a year, 373 00:17:47,192 --> 00:17:49,319 and please call me before you cash the check, 374 00:17:49,444 --> 00:17:51,613 'cause I've got monies to move around. Yeah, yeah. 375 00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:54,241 Okay? Make it out to my aunt Rosa. 376 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,118 That's a lot of zeroes. 377 00:18:00,121 --> 00:18:01,122 This is Jim. 378 00:18:01,206 --> 00:18:02,600 David: Jim, what the hell is happening there? 379 00:18:02,624 --> 00:18:04,626 Hey, David. Yes? 380 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:08,046 So, there was a little bit of a miscommunication here today. 381 00:18:08,129 --> 00:18:10,757 It's been a little wild, but I am on it. 382 00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:13,885 Just so I understand, you started employee of the month, 383 00:18:13,969 --> 00:18:15,428 give it to yourself, 384 00:18:15,512 --> 00:18:17,764 then people complain, so you give it to your wife? 385 00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:19,266 No. Am I missing something? 386 00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:21,029 I really don't know how it happened, David. 387 00:18:21,059 --> 00:18:22,978 I know how it happened. 388 00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:33,130 David: Jim, I bumped you up because I thought you could make my life easier. 389 00:18:33,154 --> 00:18:36,908 If you can't do that, we're gonna have a separate discussion. 390 00:18:36,992 --> 00:18:40,078 Jim: All right, it will not happen again. I promise. 391 00:18:41,663 --> 00:18:44,666 I am sorry. I am taking this out on you. 392 00:18:46,293 --> 00:18:47,561 No. But things have been crazy here. 393 00:18:47,585 --> 00:18:49,671 You know I think you're doing a great job, right? 394 00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:52,090 What? No. Yeah. Thank you. 395 00:18:52,716 --> 00:18:55,802 Okay. (Chuckles) We still on for dinner this weekend? 396 00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:57,137 Yes. What? 397 00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:59,723 Okay. See you. You're kidding me! 398 00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:01,391 Damn it! 399 00:19:02,183 --> 00:19:04,686 (Singing) Hey, Mr. Scott, what you gonna do 400 00:19:04,769 --> 00:19:07,397 what you gonna do make our dreams come true 401 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,150 hey, Mr. Scott, what you gonna do 402 00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:11,651 please stop. 403 00:19:13,194 --> 00:19:15,572 Fifteen lives. 404 00:19:17,115 --> 00:19:19,200 I destroyed 15 young lives today. 405 00:19:19,284 --> 00:19:20,744 Yes. No. 406 00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:24,039 No, there's financial aid. 407 00:19:26,207 --> 00:19:28,293 They could join the army or the Navy. 408 00:19:28,376 --> 00:19:30,754 Maybe... you're, what, like, 12? 409 00:19:35,717 --> 00:19:37,969 The principal told me that 410 00:19:38,053 --> 00:19:40,722 90% of Scott's tots are on track to graduate, 411 00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:44,017 and that's 35% higher than the rest of the school, 412 00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:47,103 so I think that if you hadn't made that promise, 413 00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:49,606 a lot of them would have dropped out, 414 00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:52,067 which is something to think about, I think. 415 00:20:01,451 --> 00:20:03,787 I think you're doing a great job. 416 00:20:04,454 --> 00:20:05,789 Really? 417 00:20:08,792 --> 00:20:10,019 What do you want from this job, 418 00:20:10,043 --> 00:20:13,296 provided the company doesn't go out of business? 419 00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:16,100 Well, I've always wondered what it might be like to be an accountant. 420 00:20:16,174 --> 00:20:17,217 Really? 421 00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:18,676 Yes, but I'm terrible at math. 422 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:21,388 Well, you know, when I hired Kevin, 423 00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:25,183 he was actually applying for a job in the warehouse. 424 00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:27,352 Yeah. Sedousw? 425 00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:30,647 I just sort of had a feeling about him. 426 00:20:32,482 --> 00:20:34,692 Have a feeling about you, too. 427 00:20:37,821 --> 00:20:40,573 (Singing) Hey, Mr. Scott, what you gonna do 428 00:20:40,657 --> 00:20:43,576 what you gonna do make our dreams come true 429 00:20:43,660 --> 00:20:46,496 hey, Mr. Scott, what you gonna do 430 00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,998 what you gonna do make our dreams come true 431 00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:50,083 yeah! 432 00:20:53,628 --> 00:20:55,588 Jim: See you tomorrow, Dwight. 433 00:20:55,672 --> 00:20:57,090 Apparently. 434 00:20:57,966 --> 00:21:00,760 How's it going? Good day? Not now, temp. 435 00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:06,599 Okay. So, listen, I know about your diabolical plan. 436 00:21:08,726 --> 00:21:13,273 What? Diabolical plan? Iwouldn't even know how to begin... 437 00:21:14,023 --> 00:21:16,776 I found a copy of it in the copier tray. 438 00:21:16,860 --> 00:21:18,528 So what do you want? 439 00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:20,280 I want the same thing you want. 440 00:21:20,363 --> 00:21:23,950 I want to take Jim Halpert down. I want in.