1 00:00:03,462 --> 00:00:04,898 Operator: Vancouver court hotel, how may I help you? 2 00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:07,008 Hello, Vancouver, this is Michael Scott 3 00:00:07,091 --> 00:00:09,510 calling from the United States ofamerica. 4 00:00:09,594 --> 00:00:11,679 I have a reservation in your fair city 5 00:00:11,762 --> 00:00:14,265 from February 12th to the 19th. 6 00:00:14,432 --> 00:00:15,850 First week of the Olympics. 7 00:00:15,933 --> 00:00:17,327 Well, we 're looking forward to having you, 8 00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:18,996 so let me just pull up your information here. 9 00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:20,021 Oki-doke. 10 00:00:20,104 --> 00:00:21,814 Uh, I don't seem to have it, sir. 11 00:00:22,231 --> 00:00:23,232 What? 12 00:00:23,316 --> 00:00:24,710 I'm not seeing anything under confirmation... 13 00:00:24,734 --> 00:00:26,777 No. No. Could it be under "affirmation?" 14 00:00:26,861 --> 00:00:27,921 'Cause you have thousands of those. 15 00:00:27,945 --> 00:00:29,780 We're just trying to look it up right now. 16 00:00:29,864 --> 00:00:32,033 You did get the e-vite to my barbeque. 17 00:00:32,116 --> 00:00:33,534 Come on, Dwight. Michael. 18 00:00:33,618 --> 00:00:36,621 Operator: Sir, a lot of people are trying to get last-minute reservations 19 00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:38,206 at hotels here for the Olympics, 20 00:00:38,289 --> 00:00:39,809 but we've been fully booked for months. 21 00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:43,669 Well, I have been booked for three years, so you should have that. 22 00:00:43,753 --> 00:00:46,233 I have always heard that British Columbia is a very nice place, 23 00:00:46,297 --> 00:00:48,925 but I'm not getting that from this conversation. 24 00:00:49,008 --> 00:00:53,304 Wait, I got it! Confirmation code, x-v-2-r-d-m. 25 00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:57,141 Here it is. Yeah. 26 00:00:57,266 --> 00:00:58,368 Operator: Uh-huh. Thank you. 27 00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,686 Seven nights in our street-view economy single. 28 00:01:00,770 --> 00:01:01,896 That's it. Yeah. 29 00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:05,107 We changed systems a while back. I do apologize. 30 00:01:05,191 --> 00:01:06,317 Okay. Okay. 31 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:07,836 How may I help you, Mr. Scott? 32 00:01:07,860 --> 00:01:11,197 All right. I would like to cancel my reservation, please. 33 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:13,115 There is a cancellation fee for this, sir. 34 00:01:13,199 --> 00:01:15,326 Okay, put it on my card. 35 00:01:36,347 --> 00:01:38,474 Michael: Today, Jo Bennett, the ceo from sabre 36 00:01:38,557 --> 00:01:41,269 is coming to see us here for the first time. 37 00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:45,147 She bought us sight unseen, like a mail-order bride, 38 00:01:45,314 --> 00:01:48,442 So she's gotta be kind of nervous. I mean, are we ugly? 39 00:01:48,526 --> 00:01:51,362 Are we smart? Are we cool? Are we too cool? 40 00:01:51,654 --> 00:01:53,406 Do we speak English? 41 00:01:58,327 --> 00:02:00,288 Why, hehol 42 00:02:00,371 --> 00:02:01,580 Gabe: This is Michael Scott, 43 00:02:01,664 --> 00:02:03,207 co-regional manager of this branch. 44 00:02:03,291 --> 00:02:04,518 Pleasure to meet you, miss Bennett. 45 00:02:04,542 --> 00:02:06,127 Uh, that's Mrs. Bennett, sweetheart. 46 00:02:06,210 --> 00:02:08,504 My husband and I are divorced but I kept the "missus" 47 00:02:08,587 --> 00:02:10,840 just to piss off the new wife. 48 00:02:10,923 --> 00:02:13,026 Well, let's take a gander around this place. 49 00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:14,635 These sure are pretty dogs. 50 00:02:14,719 --> 00:02:16,512 Jo: They love a good crotch. 51 00:02:16,762 --> 00:02:18,014 They sure do. 52 00:02:18,097 --> 00:02:19,598 You should take that as a compliment. 53 00:02:19,682 --> 00:02:21,058 Oh, I do. 54 00:02:23,686 --> 00:02:25,187 Jo: Hello. Hello. 55 00:02:25,521 --> 00:02:28,024 Do you always stay seated when a lady enters the room? 56 00:02:28,107 --> 00:02:29,501 I am treating you the same as a man, 57 00:02:29,525 --> 00:02:31,235 for whom I would also not stand. 58 00:02:31,319 --> 00:02:34,238 Unless it was the president, or judge Judy. 59 00:02:35,573 --> 00:02:36,782 I like that. 60 00:02:36,866 --> 00:02:38,659 Gabe: This is accounting. Jo: Uh-huh. 61 00:02:39,869 --> 00:02:40,953 Good-looking group. 62 00:02:41,037 --> 00:02:43,372 Over here is Meredith Palmer, creed Bratton. 63 00:02:43,456 --> 00:02:44,999 Jo: Another couple of heartbreakers. 64 00:02:45,082 --> 00:02:46,584 Who's this tall drink of sun tea? 65 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:50,171 That is Jim Halpert. He is the co-regional manager of this office. 66 00:02:50,254 --> 00:02:51,756 I thought this guy was the manager. 67 00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:54,717 Oh, he is. He's the co-manager. That's the other co-manager. 68 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:56,427 Two guys doing one job? 69 00:02:57,720 --> 00:02:59,480 We gotta do something about that. 70 00:03:02,308 --> 00:03:03,851 I've got some Valentine's cards 71 00:03:03,934 --> 00:03:06,687 for my co-workers and my bro-workers. 72 00:03:06,771 --> 00:03:08,230 No. No. 73 00:03:08,314 --> 00:03:09,523 What? No candy? 74 00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:11,668 Andy: Valentine's day. Right around the corner. 75 00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:14,528 Erin and I have been on zero dates. 76 00:03:14,612 --> 00:03:16,447 So I got her a Valentine's day card, 77 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,657 but I didn't want to seem too eager, 78 00:03:18,741 --> 00:03:20,701 so I got cards for everyone in the whole office 79 00:03:20,785 --> 00:03:22,703 to kind of dilute it a little bit. 80 00:03:22,828 --> 00:03:24,914 Look alive. 81 00:03:24,997 --> 00:03:27,166 Jeez, you gave me a paper cut on my throat. 82 00:03:27,416 --> 00:03:29,251 Yeah, I have this thing about men cutting 83 00:03:29,335 --> 00:03:31,253 or threatening to cut my throat. 84 00:03:31,337 --> 00:03:33,214 Don't try to cut my throat. 85 00:03:33,297 --> 00:03:36,759 Jo, I don't know how things work in Florida, which from your description 86 00:03:36,842 --> 00:03:39,929 sounds like a colorful, lawless swamp, 87 00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:43,974 but here it takes two men to do one job, 88 00:03:44,433 --> 00:03:46,060 where in Florida, it might take 89 00:03:46,143 --> 00:03:48,270 one very strong woman to do such a job. 90 00:03:48,354 --> 00:03:49,730 Vvhoa.vvhoa. 91 00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:53,234 I'll take over. Um, what we're doing here, 92 00:03:53,317 --> 00:03:55,653 Michael handles more of the big picture stuff, 93 00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:58,114 and I handle more of the day-to-day stuff. 94 00:03:58,197 --> 00:03:59,490 Yeah. Jim: So, together... 95 00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,242 I think I understand. All right. 96 00:04:01,325 --> 00:04:03,285 Each of you is doing half a job. 97 00:04:03,411 --> 00:04:05,091 And sometimes I can hardly handle that. No. 98 00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:09,166 Now this is knucklehead talk. I'm not going to abide it, you know. 99 00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:12,711 You can't give me gravy and tell me it's jelly, 'cause gravy ain't sweet. 100 00:04:12,795 --> 00:04:14,463 Is it, Jim? I don't think so. 101 00:04:14,547 --> 00:04:15,631 Michael? 102 00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:16,799 Forget the question. 103 00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:19,260 I think one of you should return to sales, 104 00:04:19,343 --> 00:04:21,345 and the other one will be a manager. 105 00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:24,432 I humbly accept the management position. 106 00:04:24,515 --> 00:04:25,659 Why would you just automatically get it? 107 00:04:25,683 --> 00:04:29,687 Because, we”, Jim, where I'm from, there are two types of folk, 108 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:33,566 those who ain't and those who are knee-high on a grasshopper. 109 00:04:34,066 --> 00:04:37,486 Which type ain't you ain't? Y'all come back now. 110 00:04:39,363 --> 00:04:41,240 Do you even know what that means? Yes. 111 00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:43,451 Well, I'm gonna let this marinate. So you can go. 112 00:04:44,702 --> 00:04:46,454 You can go on. Yeah. 113 00:04:48,372 --> 00:04:52,293 I'm Jolene Bennett, Jo for short. I'm a breast cancer survivor, 114 00:04:52,376 --> 00:04:54,462 close personal friends with Nancy pelosi, 115 00:04:54,545 --> 00:04:57,214 and Truman capote and I slept with three of the same guys. 116 00:04:57,339 --> 00:04:59,884 When I was a little girl, I was terrified to fly, 117 00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:01,927 and now I have my own pilot's license. 118 00:05:02,011 --> 00:05:03,929 I am ceo of sabre international 119 00:05:04,013 --> 00:05:07,766 and I sell the best damn printers and all-in-one machines Korea can make. 120 00:05:07,850 --> 00:05:08,893 Pleased to meet you. 121 00:05:09,018 --> 00:05:10,144 Traffic jam. 122 00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:12,188 Uh-oh. Traffic jam on route three. 123 00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,274 Twenty people dead in a pileup. 124 00:05:15,357 --> 00:05:17,359 There's blood everywhere. 125 00:05:17,776 --> 00:05:20,154 Um, I got you a Valentine's card. 126 00:05:20,237 --> 00:05:21,780 You did? Yeah. 127 00:05:23,199 --> 00:05:24,658 A bird and a dog! 128 00:05:24,742 --> 00:05:26,494 Yeah, well, it's snoopy and Woodstock. 129 00:05:26,577 --> 00:05:27,661 You named them? 130 00:05:27,745 --> 00:05:29,121 Uh, Charles schulz did. 131 00:05:29,914 --> 00:05:30,915 I thought it was relevant 132 00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:33,143 'cause I got you all those birds for Christmas, remember? 133 00:05:33,167 --> 00:05:36,879 Yeah, I do remember. Oh, they love each other. 134 00:05:36,962 --> 00:05:39,381 Oh, look at that. They sure do. I hadn't noticed. 135 00:05:39,965 --> 00:05:41,675 Oh, it smells really good, too. 136 00:05:41,759 --> 00:05:43,135 Yeah, it's Roger federer for men. 137 00:05:43,219 --> 00:05:44,678 I sprayed some in there. 138 00:05:44,762 --> 00:05:47,640 Andy, whoa! Thank you very much. 139 00:05:47,723 --> 00:05:49,517 It's got pheromones in it. 140 00:05:49,767 --> 00:05:51,143 Jo: Hey. Kevin: Hi. 141 00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:56,106 Just choosing seats, not getting married. Chop, chop, little onion. 142 00:05:56,273 --> 00:05:58,108 Jo, there's books in my chair. 143 00:05:58,192 --> 00:05:59,527 That's right, darling. 144 00:05:59,610 --> 00:06:02,863 Now you're the proud new owner of a sabre handbook, 145 00:06:02,947 --> 00:06:04,782 and my autobiography. 146 00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:08,244 Now, you all must be in a tizzy. I can see it on your faces. 147 00:06:08,327 --> 00:06:11,580 I mean, what's going on now? I mean, who owns dunder Mifflin? 148 00:06:11,664 --> 00:06:14,500 Right? I mean, sabre? What's that? 149 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:18,963 Some company we never heard of from down in Tallahassee? 150 00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:21,674 I mean, where is that? Near Mars? 151 00:06:21,757 --> 00:06:23,551 No, we know. Texas. 152 00:06:23,968 --> 00:06:26,470 Now, dunder Mifflin has an arm's reach 153 00:06:26,554 --> 00:06:29,139 into all these small businesses all over the northeast, 154 00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:31,725 and now we're gonna take that arm 155 00:06:32,101 --> 00:06:36,397 and we're going to start selling printers. 156 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:37,898 I could manage my way around that. 157 00:06:37,982 --> 00:06:39,876 They're the easiest-to-use printers in the market. 158 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,403 I will try to manage my excitement. 159 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:46,490 I have been saying the word "manager" a lot, 160 00:06:46,574 --> 00:06:49,660 so whenever Jo thinks manager, she thinks of me. 161 00:06:51,287 --> 00:06:53,247 Camel cigarettes did the same thing with Joe camel 162 00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:55,207 by making him look like a penis. 163 00:06:55,291 --> 00:06:58,043 I can't even go near a cigarette now 164 00:06:58,127 --> 00:07:00,629 without thinking of a penis, and vice versa. 165 00:07:01,297 --> 00:07:03,382 I think that's it. So we're all good. 166 00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:05,259 Okay. Thanks, y'all. 167 00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:14,810 Oh, my god. 168 00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:19,023 I guess Andy likes me. Ineverthought of him in that way. 169 00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:20,983 But I guess in most romantic comedies, 170 00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:22,627 the guy you're supposed to be with is the one 171 00:07:22,651 --> 00:07:24,320 that you never thought of in that way. 172 00:07:24,403 --> 00:07:28,198 You might have even thought he was annoying or possibly homosexual. 173 00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:29,867 So check this out. 174 00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:32,369 According to the handbook, you could make more money 175 00:07:32,453 --> 00:07:34,038 as a salesman than as a manager. 176 00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:36,165 They have all these incentive programs. 177 00:07:36,248 --> 00:07:37,791 I ran your numbers from last year. 178 00:07:37,875 --> 00:07:39,710 This is way more than I make now. 179 00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,962 I don't think I'm gonna miss being manager. 180 00:07:42,046 --> 00:07:43,857 You know how some people say they're not in it for the money? 181 00:07:43,881 --> 00:07:45,758 Well, with all due respect to this job, 182 00:07:45,841 --> 00:07:47,968 I think I'm definitely in it for the money. 183 00:07:48,052 --> 00:07:49,928 And, quite honestly, the women. 184 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:52,306 Hey. Got a second? 185 00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:53,474 Sure. All right. 186 00:07:53,557 --> 00:07:56,352 You here to tell me that you think I would be a better manager, 187 00:07:56,435 --> 00:07:58,979 and that you are sorry for being such a jerk? 188 00:07:59,063 --> 00:08:00,564 Actually, yeah. 189 00:08:01,732 --> 00:08:03,567 What? Exactly that. 190 00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:08,072 I think that you absolutely deserve the manager position more than I do. 191 00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:11,617 What? Really? Yeah. 192 00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:14,244 Wow! Wow! 193 00:08:16,038 --> 00:08:17,831 Hello, Oscar. 194 00:08:17,915 --> 00:08:19,083 Michael, reading. 195 00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:20,167 What are you reading? 196 00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:21,293 The Atlantic. 197 00:08:21,377 --> 00:08:23,545 Oh, that is my favorite ocean. I love it. 198 00:08:23,629 --> 00:08:27,716 I'm so happy right now. No, I can't keep it a secret any longer. 199 00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,301 Jim's stepping down to salesman. 200 00:08:29,385 --> 00:08:31,637 I am going to be the sole manager once again. 201 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,681 I should step into sales myself. 202 00:08:33,764 --> 00:08:36,100 Why? Is there an untapped gay market? 203 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,769 Sabre has no caps on commissions. 204 00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,979 He can make a lot more money in sales. 205 00:08:46,485 --> 00:08:47,796 Where did you get that information? 206 00:08:47,820 --> 00:08:50,239 Manual. Manuel who? 207 00:08:50,948 --> 00:08:53,826 Mmm-hmm. Well, according to the manual, 208 00:08:53,909 --> 00:08:56,120 there is no cap on commissions. 209 00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,955 I have been hustled. 210 00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:01,500 Son of a bitch. 211 00:09:01,583 --> 00:09:03,419 Jim: This is... pardon me. 212 00:09:03,502 --> 00:09:05,271 Speak of the devil. We were just talking about you. 213 00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:06,714 Have a seat. Okay. 214 00:09:06,797 --> 00:09:09,800 Now, Jim here is thinking about taking himself 215 00:09:09,925 --> 00:09:11,565 out of the running for being manager. Yep. 216 00:09:11,635 --> 00:09:15,723 Oh, really? That is so sweet of you! 217 00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:20,352 But I cannot accept, because I have been thinking about it, 218 00:09:20,811 --> 00:09:22,813 and I think I want to go back to sales. 219 00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:24,106 Really? Jim: Really? 220 00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:26,029 Yeah, you can take the man out of the salesman, 221 00:09:26,108 --> 00:09:28,277 but you can't take the sales out of salesman. 222 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,130 Well, I think you're both being a little too modest. 223 00:09:30,154 --> 00:09:33,907 No, I really, really think Michael is better at being manager 224 00:09:33,991 --> 00:09:35,451 for so many reasons. Mmm-mmm. 225 00:09:35,534 --> 00:09:40,622 No. I think I would be bad. I would sleep in my office... 226 00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:42,708 Jo: Okay... and I would sexually harass people. 227 00:09:42,833 --> 00:09:44,811 Why would you do that? I'm turning myself in right now. 228 00:09:44,835 --> 00:09:48,005 You know, Michael, you have more experience in sales and management, 229 00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,757 so I'm going to defer to your judgment. 230 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:50,924 Thank you. 231 00:09:51,008 --> 00:09:53,469 I think you will become the salesman, 232 00:09:53,552 --> 00:09:55,763 and congratulations, 233 00:09:55,846 --> 00:09:58,348 you're gonna be the new manager of this branch. 234 00:09:58,849 --> 00:10:01,101 That's great. Congratulations. 235 00:10:01,477 --> 00:10:04,354 Have fun signing my commission checks, boss. 236 00:10:08,609 --> 00:10:11,987 Michael marked his heights. He's grown. 237 00:10:18,327 --> 00:10:22,581 Bobcat, this is dragon. Listen, he's been promoted to sole manager. 238 00:10:22,998 --> 00:10:27,336 We have got to step this up. Meet me behind the dumpster in 90 seconds. 239 00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:29,546 Eighty-nine, 88... 240 00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:31,757 You're 20 minutes late. 241 00:10:32,841 --> 00:10:35,260 Um, I was at another dumpster. 242 00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:37,846 Just admit you lost track of time. 243 00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:41,809 Dwight: Ryan and I have been meeting up to work on our diabolical plot against Jim. 244 00:10:41,892 --> 00:10:44,478 Ryan is always late for our meetings. 245 00:10:45,062 --> 00:10:46,855 I wish I had a lair. 246 00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:49,149 Did you see saw? 247 00:10:49,233 --> 00:10:51,777 Of course I seesaw. Mose and I seesaw all the time. 248 00:10:51,860 --> 00:10:54,655 No, the movie. Did you see the movie saw? 249 00:10:55,030 --> 00:10:58,659 Oh. Yeah. Great film. Almost as fun as going on a seesaw. 250 00:10:58,784 --> 00:11:01,703 Okay. The reason these movies are so popular... mmm-hmm. 251 00:11:01,787 --> 00:11:04,540 Is the element of psychological torment. 252 00:11:04,748 --> 00:11:07,835 I like where you're going with this. Confinue. 253 00:11:08,043 --> 00:11:10,963 Could we lure him into an old warehouse or something? 254 00:11:11,088 --> 00:11:12,848 I have an old barn. It's kind of smelly. Yes. 255 00:11:12,881 --> 00:11:14,681 Okay. But that might be a plus. And then what? 256 00:11:14,758 --> 00:11:16,885 We do what they did in saw. 257 00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:22,850 I mean, we don't kill him, obviously. 258 00:11:22,933 --> 00:11:23,933 I have a mask. 259 00:11:23,976 --> 00:11:25,018 Okay, that's your idea? 260 00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:26,937 Exactly like in the movie? 261 00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:29,857 That is the most idiotic thing I have ever heard in my life. 262 00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:31,459 Well, suggest something else then. Don't just... 263 00:11:31,483 --> 00:11:32,836 Are you supposed to cut his leg off? 264 00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:34,170 Don't just criticize my idea! Think! 265 00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,321 You think of something then. 266 00:11:37,698 --> 00:11:41,285 Michael, I'm worried that not all your toys are gonna fit on your new desk. 267 00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:42,619 How is that possible? 268 00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:45,431 Well, in your old office, there were all those ledges and extra space. 269 00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:48,292 No excuses, Erin, come on. Make it happen. 270 00:11:48,959 --> 00:11:50,895 You know, I actually think that I should get back to work. 271 00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:54,006 Jim asked me to do some stuff, and he's manager. 272 00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:57,384 Oh, yeah, fine, fine. Leave it here. 273 00:11:57,467 --> 00:11:58,552 Okay. All right. 274 00:11:58,635 --> 00:12:00,387 Michael: I have to make some sales anyway. 275 00:12:00,470 --> 00:12:03,473 Who should I call with my magic sales fingers? 276 00:12:09,313 --> 00:12:10,772 Michael Scott, head of sales. 277 00:12:10,856 --> 00:12:14,318 You gotta do something, man. You can't just sit there. 278 00:12:18,906 --> 00:12:21,450 The new it guy. Nick. 279 00:12:21,533 --> 00:12:22,576 Nick. 280 00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:25,621 I think he's the key. He's very trusting. He's looking for friends. 281 00:12:25,704 --> 00:12:27,915 He's been given an awesome amount of power, 282 00:12:27,998 --> 00:12:29,750 and does not know how to wield it. 283 00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:31,084 Like Frodo. 284 00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:36,089 Why don't you just let me handle the tolkien references, okay, dumb jock? 285 00:12:36,465 --> 00:12:39,509 Well, I think he can be corrupted. Like gollum. 286 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:43,931 Smeagol was corrupted and became gollum. 287 00:12:44,473 --> 00:12:47,225 I might start a diabolical plot against him after this one. 288 00:12:48,977 --> 00:12:50,228 Who's hungry? 289 00:12:50,312 --> 00:12:51,355 What is that? 290 00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:54,000 It's ants on a log. Michael would always have me bring them in at 2:30 291 00:12:54,024 --> 00:12:55,901 and say, "who's hungry?" 292 00:12:55,984 --> 00:12:58,320 Oh. I'm fine. Thank you, though. 293 00:12:58,904 --> 00:13:00,798 Do you want me to spin you in your chair and make you dizzy? 294 00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:01,990 Why would I want to do that? 295 00:13:02,074 --> 00:13:04,826 It's a thinking technique. All the top executives do it. 296 00:13:04,910 --> 00:13:08,205 It keeps the brain moving, and a spinning brain's a working brain. 297 00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:11,291 For now I'm just gonna go back to work here. 298 00:13:11,375 --> 00:13:12,709 Oh, sure. Yeah, thank you. 299 00:13:12,793 --> 00:13:14,002 Well... 300 00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:19,549 It will be a pleasure doing business with you. Thanks. Bye, bye. 301 00:13:23,011 --> 00:13:26,723 I just got a new account. The gentlemen's club in carbondale. 302 00:13:26,807 --> 00:13:30,644 It is called curves. I went by there the other day, 303 00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:34,189 saw some of the women walking in. Not really my cup of tea. 304 00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:36,358 Actually, Kevin, you might like it. 305 00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:37,526 Nice. 306 00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:41,738 You know, we really don't announce out loud our sales that much. 307 00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:43,949 Why not? It's part of the sales experience. 308 00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:46,243 It's not really 1992 anymore. 309 00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:47,486 Michael: Okay. 310 00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,332 "You brighten my day with the sound of your voice. 311 00:13:52,416 --> 00:13:55,585 "You bring so much laughter and love. You're everything to me, 312 00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:58,088 "and I was so blessed when god sent you here to me." 313 00:13:58,171 --> 00:13:59,256 Jeez Louise. 314 00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:00,841 I know. Obsessed with me much? 315 00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:02,009 Well, everyone got one. 316 00:14:02,092 --> 00:14:03,802 What did yours say? 317 00:14:04,261 --> 00:14:07,014 "Friends are worth sharing a dog house with." 318 00:14:07,097 --> 00:14:10,684 It's no wonder that Andy gave Kelly such a romantic card. 319 00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:12,477 I can't compete with her. 320 00:14:12,561 --> 00:14:16,773 That girl can sing and dance and gets all of her clothes at the mall. 321 00:14:17,441 --> 00:14:20,944 And I feel like such a fool for thinking that Andy was only going after one girl, 322 00:14:21,153 --> 00:14:24,948 because Andy Bernard is a playboy. And why shouldn't he be? 323 00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:27,284 He's got it all. 324 00:14:30,662 --> 00:14:32,622 There he is. The it guy. 325 00:14:33,915 --> 00:14:35,333 I see you discovered the break room. 326 00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:38,837 I imagine one of the best things about being an it guy is, 327 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:41,173 you get to know everyone's computer passwords. 328 00:14:41,256 --> 00:14:43,050 No, I actually don't. 329 00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,595 Listen, I know you have to say that, 330 00:14:46,678 --> 00:14:48,388 but we got a little problem here. 331 00:14:48,472 --> 00:14:50,891 There is an employee named Jim Halpert, 332 00:14:50,974 --> 00:14:52,726 and he's doing some terrible things. Okay? 333 00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:56,772 He's molesting people via the Internet, and we need to stop him. 334 00:14:57,731 --> 00:14:59,316 I think that you should call the cops. 335 00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,693 No, the cops called us. 336 00:15:02,611 --> 00:15:07,449 So I'm gonna need you to give me the password to Jim Halpert's computer. 337 00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:09,135 I don't know what to tell you, man. I'm sorry. 338 00:15:09,159 --> 00:15:10,762 I just can't give out his password like that. 339 00:15:10,786 --> 00:15:15,499 Nick, we can make things very difficult for you. 340 00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:20,087 Are you threatening me? 341 00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:21,254 Threatening you? 342 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:38,188 What is that smell? Do you smell that? 343 00:15:38,730 --> 00:15:42,484 What is that? Like a sulfur deposit under here? 344 00:15:42,567 --> 00:15:44,361 Michael, stop. 345 00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:46,321 No, I'm serious. We don't have to put up... 346 00:15:47,489 --> 00:15:49,491 Is it the dogs? Michael. 347 00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:51,910 You know what? We don't have to deal with this. 348 00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:54,204 I am going to Google sulfur maps. 349 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:55,622 Michael, it's Phyllis. 350 00:15:57,958 --> 00:15:59,459 No, this is geological. 351 00:15:59,543 --> 00:16:02,295 I sent an email out to everyone in this area 352 00:16:02,379 --> 00:16:04,381 that this might be a side effect 353 00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:06,716 to my new allergy medication I'm on. 354 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:08,760 Are you kidding me? No. 355 00:16:12,097 --> 00:16:13,515 And you guys are okay with this? 356 00:16:13,598 --> 00:16:15,142 She sent an email. 357 00:16:15,225 --> 00:16:16,393 Phyllis: I did. 358 00:16:34,244 --> 00:16:35,745 It's not 'cause of the smell. 359 00:16:35,829 --> 00:16:38,081 I'm just expecting a nose bleed. 360 00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:41,751 Oh, my god. 361 00:16:45,964 --> 00:16:47,257 You scared me. 362 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:48,884 I'm sorry. I thought you saw me. 363 00:16:48,967 --> 00:16:52,053 I didn't see you. And you were there all along. 364 00:16:53,889 --> 00:16:57,434 Well, warmed it up for you, so it should be good to go. 365 00:16:57,934 --> 00:16:59,936 Cool. Thanks. Bye, Andy. 366 00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:07,194 That was weird. 367 00:17:07,277 --> 00:17:10,614 No, it ain't. We all saw the Valentine you gave her. 368 00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:12,365 I don't even know what that card said. 369 00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:14,951 Believe me, if I got that card, 370 00:17:15,035 --> 00:17:18,413 we'd be in the bathroom doing it right now. 371 00:17:24,294 --> 00:17:25,420 Hey. 372 00:17:26,046 --> 00:17:27,130 Hey. 373 00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:30,842 You know, it's funny. I used to stand in here and wish I was out there. 374 00:17:30,926 --> 00:17:32,646 Now I'm out there, and I wish I was in here. 375 00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,137 Well, the grass is always greener. 376 00:17:34,221 --> 00:17:36,973 Yeah, except there's no grass out there. 377 00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:39,726 It's just a farty dirt-patch. 378 00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:40,936 Well, it's what you wanted. 379 00:17:41,019 --> 00:17:44,731 I really need my job back. We made a terrible mistake here. 380 00:17:44,814 --> 00:17:47,609 For the record, I fought this. All right? 381 00:17:47,692 --> 00:17:50,153 And now, I'm not really sure what we do. 382 00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:53,657 We make a poster that says, "happy opposite day" 383 00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:56,409 and she sees it on the way out. That's stupid. 384 00:17:56,493 --> 00:18:00,956 Oh, I wish we had one of those amnesia flashlights from men in black. 385 00:18:01,289 --> 00:18:04,918 Hey. What was that movie where their boss was within earshot 386 00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:07,420 and they could have just gone and talked to her? 387 00:18:07,504 --> 00:18:09,005 Lethal weapon? That's it. 388 00:18:09,089 --> 00:18:10,889 I think we should do it the lethal weapon way. 389 00:18:11,007 --> 00:18:13,927 You two are grown-assed men. What do I have to do? 390 00:18:14,010 --> 00:18:15,428 Fire you and get two people in here 391 00:18:15,512 --> 00:18:16,656 who don't need so much management? 392 00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:17,681 Ah! 393 00:18:17,806 --> 00:18:19,575 What I... Michael's saying that he's better 394 00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:20,785 at being a manager, and I agree. 395 00:18:20,809 --> 00:18:23,019 I'm just... he's a better people person, weirdly. 396 00:18:23,103 --> 00:18:25,563 And weirdly, I'm a good dog person, right, guys? 397 00:18:25,647 --> 00:18:27,607 Come on. See? They love me. 398 00:18:27,691 --> 00:18:30,527 Fine. I don't care which one of you does which job, 399 00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:33,446 just stop meeting with me to talk about it. 400 00:18:34,698 --> 00:18:35,949 All right. All right. 401 00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:37,367 Oh. 402 00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:41,955 I gotta take this. Yeah. Finish walking my dogs for me. 403 00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:45,792 And don't ride them. A lot of people try to ride them. 404 00:18:50,338 --> 00:18:52,138 Excuse me, everyone, please check your emails. 405 00:18:52,215 --> 00:18:54,426 I just sent you the following message, 406 00:18:54,509 --> 00:18:57,429 "coworkers, you may have received a Valentine from me. 407 00:18:57,512 --> 00:19:00,348 "Please understand this does not mean that I like you in any way." 408 00:19:00,432 --> 00:19:02,892 You don't even like us as friends? 409 00:19:03,143 --> 00:19:06,229 Phyllis, you guys are, like, my closest friends. 410 00:19:06,438 --> 00:19:08,606 I just mean I don't like-like you. 411 00:19:08,690 --> 00:19:09,733 What are we, five? 412 00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:11,443 "Please don't read into this card. 413 00:19:11,526 --> 00:19:14,154 "Yours in professionalism, nard dog." 414 00:19:14,571 --> 00:19:16,656 Um, why did I just receive a mass email from you 415 00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:18,158 that said that you don't like me? 416 00:19:18,241 --> 00:19:20,785 Do you realize how hard that makes me like you, Andy? 417 00:19:20,869 --> 00:19:23,246 It's not... that wasn't... 418 00:19:25,415 --> 00:19:27,208 I like someone else. 419 00:19:27,292 --> 00:19:28,376 Who? 420 00:19:30,628 --> 00:19:32,547 It's not... 421 00:19:34,299 --> 00:19:35,925 Whether or not... 422 00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:40,388 Who? What? 423 00:19:40,472 --> 00:19:43,475 Yeah, I guess Andy never liked Kelly. 424 00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:45,268 How about that? 425 00:19:48,146 --> 00:19:49,689 It smells good in here. 426 00:19:49,773 --> 00:19:54,194 It sure does. Okay, we have your space heater, your humidifier, 427 00:19:54,277 --> 00:19:57,864 your dehumidifier, your fan, your foot fan and your food dehydrator. 428 00:19:57,947 --> 00:20:00,492 Erin, what about my keyboard? 429 00:20:06,414 --> 00:20:08,124 So good to be home. 430 00:20:10,627 --> 00:20:11,827 How about a little bossa nova? 431 00:20:24,641 --> 00:20:25,892 He looks happy. 432 00:20:28,478 --> 00:20:32,732 Well, well, well. Hmm. Boss for... 433 00:20:32,816 --> 00:20:34,359 What was it? Oh. 434 00:20:34,484 --> 00:20:38,696 Four-and-a-half hours. New record. Low. 435 00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:41,783 Previous record, Henry rostin. 436 00:20:41,866 --> 00:20:43,576 Boss for nine years, four months. 437 00:20:43,660 --> 00:20:46,121 And he only left because he had family matters to attend to, 438 00:20:46,204 --> 00:20:47,789 and he... what? 439 00:20:53,628 --> 00:20:54,838 Dwight: Michael! 440 00:20:57,841 --> 00:21:00,677 I can't help but think that something we did made this possible. 441 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:05,223 Jim dug his own grave, but maybe we provided the shovel. 442 00:21:05,515 --> 00:21:09,853 Temp, I like that. I'm gonna engrave that into a piece of wood. 443 00:21:10,186 --> 00:21:11,604 Care to celebrate with a drink? 444 00:21:11,688 --> 00:21:13,106 I would love to. 445 00:21:16,901 --> 00:21:17,944 Why not? 446 00:21:18,027 --> 00:21:19,821 Because Martini bars are pretentious. 447 00:21:19,904 --> 00:21:21,465 No, thank you. I'm sorry that I don't want 448 00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:22,949 farm-boy swill like you do, you know? 449 00:21:23,032 --> 00:21:24,909 It is not farm-boy swill. I will show you. 450 00:21:24,993 --> 00:21:27,036 It is beet vodka and it is delicious. 451 00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:29,789 I'm not interested in anything I have to make myself.