1 00:00:14,557 --> 00:00:16,017 Stop it! Stop what? 2 00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:18,060 You're talking about me in morse code. 3 00:00:18,144 --> 00:00:20,563 But you know what? Joke's on you 'cause I know morse code. 4 00:00:22,940 --> 00:00:24,525 Yeah, that's what we're doing. 5 00:00:24,901 --> 00:00:27,486 In our very limited free time and with our very limited budget, 6 00:00:27,570 --> 00:00:30,323 we went and got a nanny, and then we went out and took a class 7 00:00:30,406 --> 00:00:33,284 on a very outmoded and very unnecessary form of communication 8 00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:35,953 just so we can talk about you in front of you. 9 00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:38,831 Yep, that's exactly what we did. 10 00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:43,544 It all started when Dwight was tapping his foot against the leg of his desk. 11 00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:45,189 When I asked him to stop, he said, 12 00:00:45,213 --> 00:00:48,382 "I will when you lose the baby weight." 13 00:00:50,092 --> 00:00:54,096 Very well. I must have imagined it. I apologize. 14 00:01:07,193 --> 00:01:10,363 Detonator? Detonator. Where? 15 00:01:10,905 --> 00:01:12,156 Michael! 16 00:01:12,531 --> 00:01:15,493 Jim, are you clicking a detonator? 17 00:01:16,202 --> 00:01:17,787 It's a pen. Michael, come on. 18 00:01:17,870 --> 00:01:20,206 Get back to work, Dwight. Please. 19 00:01:22,500 --> 00:01:23,501 Fine. 20 00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:25,836 (Clears throat) 21 00:01:27,380 --> 00:01:29,715 Hey, tap away. 22 00:02:06,877 --> 00:02:07,878 Whoo! 23 00:02:08,004 --> 00:02:11,841 Things with Donna are so... They're going great! 24 00:02:13,301 --> 00:02:17,305 I... we're just clicking on every level. 25 00:02:18,014 --> 00:02:22,727 Emotionally, and sexually, and orally. 26 00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:27,940 And I am not used to relationships going this well. 27 00:02:28,024 --> 00:02:31,319 I'm actually having trouble focusing on my job. 28 00:02:32,111 --> 00:02:34,739 And I like it 29 00:02:34,989 --> 00:02:37,742 who enjoys the weekends? 30 00:02:38,868 --> 00:02:41,996 Of course. Now the weekend is always great 31 00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:46,208 if you have someone, which I do. I have Donna, she is hot. 32 00:02:46,417 --> 00:02:47,793 She has a pilates butt. 33 00:02:47,877 --> 00:02:51,255 But we need to find something to do this weekend beside have sex. 34 00:02:52,089 --> 00:02:53,424 Did I say that? Yes, I did. 35 00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:56,469 And the reason you are here is that I need ideas 36 00:02:56,552 --> 00:02:59,392 for things that Donna and I can do on the weekend. 80 just shout it out. 37 00:02:59,430 --> 00:03:01,182 I have an idea for your weekend. Okay. 38 00:03:01,307 --> 00:03:03,517 Let me go back to my desk right now. Okay. 39 00:03:03,601 --> 00:03:05,770 You get out of here, big dog. 40 00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:07,772 No, no, no, no, you guys sit down. I need ideas. 41 00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:08,856 Stanley got to go. 42 00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:10,334 Yeah, well, Stanley doesn't help with anything. 43 00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:11,668 Come on, shout them out. Shout them out. 44 00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:12,943 Walk around apple orchards. Oh! 45 00:03:13,027 --> 00:03:14,278 Superromanfic thafsfun. 46 00:03:14,362 --> 00:03:15,488 Eel fishing. All right. 47 00:03:15,571 --> 00:03:17,198 Curl up with your favorite DVD. 48 00:03:17,281 --> 00:03:18,721 You and Donna should hit the poconos. 49 00:03:18,783 --> 00:03:21,535 They have heart-shaped jacuzzis, room enough for three. 50 00:03:21,619 --> 00:03:23,746 We actually went to the poconos last Tuesday. 51 00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:28,751 We headed up there, we went to a little Chinese bistro, pf. Chang's. 52 00:03:29,043 --> 00:03:31,188 Why would you go all the way to the poconos to pf. Chang's 53 00:03:31,212 --> 00:03:32,963 when we have the great wall in Scranton? 54 00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:34,608 Because when your super-hot girlfriend 55 00:03:34,632 --> 00:03:36,068 says, "I want to go to mount pocono," 56 00:03:36,092 --> 00:03:38,844 you go to mount pocono, and you do her. 57 00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:41,222 And we screwed. Whoops! Tmi! (People groaning) 58 00:03:41,305 --> 00:03:43,557 Wait, that's crazy far. Are you sure she's not cheating? 59 00:03:43,641 --> 00:03:45,726 You know what, Kelly, this is the real world. 60 00:03:45,810 --> 00:03:48,229 Not, the real world, Scranton. 61 00:03:48,312 --> 00:03:49,897 Oh, my god, this is super weird. 62 00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:51,083 When Ryan had two girlfriends, 63 00:03:51,107 --> 00:03:52,827 he used to take me to some diner in hazleton 64 00:03:52,858 --> 00:03:54,044 just so the other girl wouldn't see. 65 00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:56,529 Some diner? It was the starlight diner. 66 00:03:56,612 --> 00:03:59,657 It's in a life magazine spread about americana. 67 00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,409 You guys think Donna's cheating on me? 68 00:04:01,659 --> 00:04:03,577 No. Michael, no. 69 00:04:03,661 --> 00:04:07,039 You had a nice meal with your girlfriend in a lovely place. 70 00:04:07,164 --> 00:04:08,749 And sex. We had sex, too. That is right. 71 00:04:08,833 --> 00:04:10,668 Don't make any more of it. How? 72 00:04:10,793 --> 00:04:12,878 How what? How do I not make any more of it? 73 00:04:12,962 --> 00:04:14,755 You could start by concluding this meeting. 74 00:04:14,839 --> 00:04:15,881 All right. 75 00:04:16,173 --> 00:04:19,093 Okay. And she won't say, "I love you." 76 00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:20,176 Dwight: Oh, no. 77 00:04:20,219 --> 00:04:21,512 How many dates have you been on? 78 00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:24,223 Nine dates. I said it on the second date. 79 00:04:24,807 --> 00:04:28,352 That seems quick, even for lesbians. 80 00:04:28,519 --> 00:04:30,664 Ryan: Does she keep herphonelocked around you, Michael? 81 00:04:30,688 --> 00:04:32,982 Does she watch how much she drinks around you, Michael? 82 00:04:33,065 --> 00:04:35,001 Does she leave the room when she takes phone calls? 83 00:04:35,025 --> 00:04:37,505 Does she keep perfume in her purse? Does she shower before sex? 84 00:04:37,570 --> 00:04:39,155 Does she shower after sex? Does she... 85 00:04:39,488 --> 00:04:40,781 Yeah, she does all that. 86 00:04:40,865 --> 00:04:42,105 Sowy, dude. Oh, no, no, no, no. 87 00:04:42,158 --> 00:04:44,034 Michael, do not let your imagination run amok. 88 00:04:44,118 --> 00:04:45,369 Run what? Amok. 89 00:04:45,453 --> 00:04:47,613 It means don't let your imagination run out of control. 90 00:04:47,663 --> 00:04:49,331 Why didn't you just say that, Pam? 91 00:04:49,415 --> 00:04:51,615 Michael, do not let your imagination run out of control. 92 00:04:51,667 --> 00:04:53,085 Well, that's easy for you to say. 93 00:04:53,169 --> 00:04:55,045 You have a bad imagination, it's stupid. 94 00:04:55,129 --> 00:04:56,630 I live in a fantasy world. 95 00:04:56,714 --> 00:04:57,798 You do? 96 00:04:57,882 --> 00:04:59,633 Yes, Jim, I do. 97 00:04:59,717 --> 00:05:01,510 And I can't stay in a relationship 98 00:05:01,594 --> 00:05:03,387 that is full of lies and deceit. 99 00:05:03,471 --> 00:05:05,365 But you didn't believe any of this was true five minutes ago. 100 00:05:05,389 --> 00:05:07,475 That's what makes it so raw. 101 00:05:07,558 --> 00:05:09,894 Ever since I found out that Donna might be cheating on me, 102 00:05:09,977 --> 00:05:12,021 I have not eaten or slept. 103 00:05:13,397 --> 00:05:16,400 It's the not knowing, that's what's killing me. 104 00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:19,612 (Whispering) 105 00:05:19,695 --> 00:05:22,072 Oh, god, that tickles. What do you... 106 00:05:22,948 --> 00:05:25,201 (Whispering) I want someone to follow Donna. 107 00:05:25,284 --> 00:05:26,619 I want her tailed. 108 00:05:27,745 --> 00:05:29,747 I need the name of a good private investigator. 109 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:32,249 (Whispers) I think I've got one for you. 110 00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,419 This is you. How much do you charge? 111 00:05:35,503 --> 00:05:37,046 $100 a day plus expenses. 112 00:05:37,129 --> 00:05:38,529 I'll give you 50. Money's no object. 113 00:05:38,589 --> 00:05:39,632 Done. 114 00:05:39,715 --> 00:05:41,985 I'm just going to warn you, and I say this to all my clients, 115 00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:43,344 you might not like what I find. 116 00:05:43,427 --> 00:05:44,470 Okay. 117 00:05:44,553 --> 00:05:46,972 And you might not like how I find it. 118 00:05:50,768 --> 00:05:53,062 Of course. Yeah, that's terrible. 119 00:05:53,145 --> 00:05:55,356 Okay, let me get back to you. 120 00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:59,693 Hey, Stanley, one of my clients just called and said that their sabre printer 121 00:05:59,777 --> 00:06:02,071 started smoking and caught on fire. 122 00:06:02,446 --> 00:06:06,492 My doctor told me to cutout hot dogs. We all got problems. 123 00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:12,831 Hey, Gabe, I need to talk to you about something. It's really important. 124 00:06:12,915 --> 00:06:15,018 There's no way that you guys have any almond butter, right? 125 00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:17,211 Yeah, I don't know. Look, one of my clients called. 126 00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:18,605 He was in the middle of a big printing job 127 00:06:18,629 --> 00:06:20,548 and the back of the printer started smoking 128 00:06:20,631 --> 00:06:22,299 and then the paper tray caught on fire. 129 00:06:22,508 --> 00:06:25,636 That's weird. I haven't heard of that happening. 130 00:06:25,803 --> 00:06:27,471 I would even settle for apricot preserves. 131 00:06:27,805 --> 00:06:28,990 What are we going to do about this? 132 00:06:29,014 --> 00:06:31,600 I don't know. Call hq, see if they know anything. 133 00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:36,814 Yeah, that's what I'll do today. All right. 134 00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:38,399 Let me know what they say. 135 00:06:40,651 --> 00:06:43,279 Wow, that dude is good. 136 00:06:43,362 --> 00:06:44,488 What do you mean? 137 00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,824 You didn't feel like he was hiding something? 138 00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:48,117 I don't know. 139 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,828 Like he was covering something up? 140 00:06:51,495 --> 00:06:52,496 Maybe. 141 00:07:01,005 --> 00:07:02,006 (Door closing) 142 00:07:02,548 --> 00:07:04,633 Two years ago, Andy blamed the warehouse 143 00:07:04,717 --> 00:07:07,261 for a late shipment that he forgot to process. 144 00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:10,306 We got yelled at pretty bad, almost lost my job. 145 00:07:10,389 --> 00:07:12,766 Man, I was mad as hell at the time. 146 00:07:12,850 --> 00:07:16,186 But I said, "Darryl, just wait. He's a fool. 147 00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:19,773 "There's going to be an opportunity. Just be patient." 148 00:07:22,568 --> 00:07:23,777 Hey, stranger. 149 00:07:23,861 --> 00:07:25,946 Oh, hi. You work for Michael. 150 00:07:26,030 --> 00:07:27,906 I work with Michael. Right. 151 00:07:27,990 --> 00:07:29,825 Dwight schrute. Donna, hl 152 00:07:29,992 --> 00:07:32,077 all cases are solved with logic. 153 00:07:32,161 --> 00:07:35,623 The only logical way to find out if Donna is a cheater is to seduce her, 154 00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:39,877 bring her to orgasm, then call Michael and tell him the sad news. 155 00:07:41,337 --> 00:07:43,148 Wow. It's a little early for ice cream, don't you think? 156 00:07:43,172 --> 00:07:45,633 It's never too early for ice cream, Jim. 157 00:07:45,716 --> 00:07:47,676 But we didn't have any ice cream, 158 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:49,470 so this is mayonnaise and black olives. 159 00:07:49,553 --> 00:07:50,596 Oh! Oh, my god. 160 00:07:50,679 --> 00:07:51,847 It's comfort food, all right? 161 00:07:52,431 --> 00:07:53,474 God! 162 00:07:53,557 --> 00:07:55,452 Michael, this whole Donna thing is going to be okay. 163 00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:56,911 You just... Stop beating yourself up. 164 00:07:56,935 --> 00:07:58,604 I know. Well, I hope you're right. 165 00:07:58,687 --> 00:07:59,748 We'll see what Dwight says. 166 00:07:59,772 --> 00:08:01,041 Why do we have to see what Dwight says? 167 00:08:01,065 --> 00:08:02,816 Because I have him investigating her. 168 00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:04,044 I'm waiting for a text update. 169 00:08:04,068 --> 00:08:05,295 Michael, no, no, no, no, no, no. 170 00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:06,445 No, no, no, no, no. Undothat 171 00:08:06,528 --> 00:08:08,697 undo that. It's too late to undo it. 172 00:08:08,781 --> 00:08:11,617 I need to know, otherwise this thing is going to spiral out of amok. 173 00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:14,870 Michael, okay, I'm going to talk straight to you 174 00:08:14,953 --> 00:08:16,264 because I think you need to hear it. Michael... 175 00:08:16,288 --> 00:08:17,581 (Grunts) This is so disgusting. 176 00:08:17,665 --> 00:08:20,459 Stop eating it. Do you want to be happy? 177 00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:24,296 Look at you. You have a major self-destructive streak in you. 178 00:08:24,588 --> 00:08:26,173 I know. And you... 179 00:08:26,256 --> 00:08:29,885 You kind of torpedo every romantic relationship you're in. 180 00:08:29,968 --> 00:08:31,136 That's not true. 181 00:08:34,390 --> 00:08:36,266 You're right. I ruin everything. 182 00:08:37,226 --> 00:08:39,144 And I have known some wonderful women. 183 00:08:39,395 --> 00:08:41,522 Holly, Carole, jan. 184 00:08:41,605 --> 00:08:42,690 Helene. 185 00:08:42,773 --> 00:08:43,857 Helene? 186 00:08:43,941 --> 00:08:45,609 My mother. Oh! 187 00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:46,694 My mother, helene. 188 00:08:46,777 --> 00:08:48,362 Oh, yeah. Yes, yes, yes. 189 00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:51,448 All of the greatest loves of my life. 190 00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:56,120 You should stop this. You should call Dwight right now. 191 00:08:57,955 --> 00:08:59,289 (Sighing) All right. 192 00:09:05,254 --> 00:09:07,881 Oh, gosh, we're both going for the same weight at the same time. 193 00:09:07,965 --> 00:09:09,049 You go ahead. Thank you. 194 00:09:09,133 --> 00:09:10,217 It's all yours. (Laughs) 195 00:09:21,395 --> 00:09:22,396 (Grunting) 196 00:09:26,984 --> 00:09:27,985 (Sighing) 197 00:09:28,152 --> 00:09:29,152 You okay? 198 00:09:29,194 --> 00:09:30,446 Yeah, I'm good. 199 00:09:30,696 --> 00:09:33,490 Hey, you know an exercise for two people that uses the whole body? 200 00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:35,242 (Chuckung) 201 00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:37,369 Yeah, I think I know what you're talking about. 202 00:09:37,453 --> 00:09:39,246 Tractor pull. 203 00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:41,415 Too bad there's not a tractor here. 204 00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:42,833 (Dwight groaning) 205 00:09:47,463 --> 00:09:48,839 (Dwight grunting) 206 00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:50,698 One thing you need to know about me, 207 00:09:50,758 --> 00:09:53,010 I don't quit until something tears or pops. 208 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,178 (Chuckung) 209 00:09:54,762 --> 00:09:57,055 You look like you're getting a good workout. 210 00:09:57,181 --> 00:09:58,182 Can I feel your pulse? 211 00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:00,142 (Sighing) Nope, I'm good. Thanks. 212 00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:01,477 Really? 213 00:10:01,685 --> 00:10:02,936 Hey. All right. 214 00:10:03,020 --> 00:10:04,563 Young man, can you wipe down that seat? 215 00:10:04,646 --> 00:10:05,939 Get out of my way. 216 00:10:06,064 --> 00:10:09,067 (Laughs) Tomorrow's fertilizer, am I right? 217 00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:10,277 I'm out of here. 218 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:11,737 Donna, Donna, wait. Please. 219 00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,489 I'm sorry, okay? 220 00:10:13,572 --> 00:10:16,700 Listen, we both know why I'm here. 221 00:10:17,034 --> 00:10:20,204 To see you naked 222 00:10:20,496 --> 00:10:24,333 while I'm naked. 223 00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:27,211 You stay away from me or I'm calling security. 224 00:10:28,337 --> 00:10:29,880 Donna, come... 225 00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,089 (Grunting) 226 00:10:32,883 --> 00:10:34,092 You're back. What happened? 227 00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:36,804 I pulled muscles in both my thighs. Thanks for asking. 228 00:10:36,887 --> 00:10:38,305 No. What happened with Donna? 229 00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:40,057 Yeah, no. She's not cheating. 230 00:10:40,224 --> 00:10:43,435 Oh, man! Will you help me work out this knot? Right here. 231 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:45,479 Put your fingers here. Ugh! No, no. 232 00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:46,814 Are you sure? I'm positive. 233 00:10:46,897 --> 00:10:49,983 Yeah, here's your expense receipts. Right there. 234 00:10:50,067 --> 00:10:51,735 Who eats eight protein bars? 235 00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:54,014 People who don't trust egg whites. 236 00:10:54,071 --> 00:10:56,490 Okay. Well, I am just glad this is all over. 237 00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:57,616 Oh! Me, too. 238 00:10:57,699 --> 00:10:59,493 And by the way, I told her not to, 239 00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:01,336 but she's coming over here and she's furious. 240 00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:03,298 What? No, she didn't say that. You're right. 241 00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:05,666 I was paraphrasing. 242 00:11:06,083 --> 00:11:08,585 What she actually said was, "what is with him? 243 00:11:08,669 --> 00:11:11,046 "He is crazy. I'm coming over there to talk to him." 244 00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:12,899 And this was after I had no other recourse 245 00:11:12,923 --> 00:11:14,842 but to tell her and gym security 246 00:11:14,925 --> 00:11:17,886 that you had sent me there to see if she was cheating. 247 00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:22,474 Also, I joined the gym. You'll be billed monthly. 248 00:11:25,394 --> 00:11:27,938 (Whispering) I am not paying for that membership. 249 00:11:31,108 --> 00:11:32,484 (Michael moaning) 250 00:11:35,279 --> 00:11:36,488 (Michael grunting) 251 00:11:36,989 --> 00:11:39,575 Maybe you'd be more comfortable in your own office. 252 00:11:39,658 --> 00:11:41,910 No, I like the attention. 253 00:11:42,911 --> 00:11:43,912 (Sighing) 254 00:11:44,288 --> 00:11:45,289 Is she here yet? 255 00:11:46,498 --> 00:11:47,541 (Door opening) 256 00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:49,042 Wait, yes. That's her? 257 00:11:49,126 --> 00:11:50,627 Yeah. 258 00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:52,754 Mmm-hmm. 259 00:11:52,838 --> 00:11:57,009 Right. Right. Right. Okay, I'll talk to you later. 260 00:12:01,138 --> 00:12:03,223 How could you think I would cheat on you? 261 00:12:03,307 --> 00:12:05,726 I didn't, everybody else here did. 262 00:12:05,809 --> 00:12:09,021 Everybody convinced me that something was up. 263 00:12:09,104 --> 00:12:10,647 They poisoned my mind. 264 00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:11,857 That's pathetic. 265 00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:12,941 (Exhaling forcefully) 266 00:12:13,317 --> 00:12:15,736 Well, no, it's a lie. 267 00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:17,821 That's not what happened. 268 00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:21,116 I just like you. I can't believe I get to be with you. 269 00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:24,244 You work at an adult arcade. 270 00:12:25,287 --> 00:12:26,663 You could have any man you want. 271 00:12:27,664 --> 00:12:32,044 When I tell you I like you, you need to trust me. 272 00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:33,712 Not some freak. 273 00:12:35,047 --> 00:12:36,715 If you want to dump me, I totally get it. 274 00:12:36,798 --> 00:12:38,342 I told you I like you. 275 00:12:39,635 --> 00:12:42,471 Well, you are bonerific. 276 00:12:42,554 --> 00:12:44,014 (Chuckles) 277 00:12:45,891 --> 00:12:50,020 Hey, if I said that we should go away for a couple days, you would... 278 00:12:50,354 --> 00:12:51,438 Poop my pants. 279 00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:53,315 Have you ever been to vero beach? 280 00:12:53,398 --> 00:12:55,192 Oh, my god, vero beach? 281 00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:58,153 No. Is that on the water? 282 00:12:58,236 --> 00:12:59,237 We're going. 283 00:12:59,321 --> 00:13:00,447 Yeah. We are? 284 00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:01,949 What's up? I read your e-mail. 285 00:13:02,032 --> 00:13:03,700 Close the door. 286 00:13:04,201 --> 00:13:05,702 Okay. 287 00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:09,164 I don't have a plan exactly, more of a loose structure. 288 00:13:09,998 --> 00:13:13,126 Gives me freedom to improvise. It's like jazz. 289 00:13:13,627 --> 00:13:14,878 (Scatting) 290 00:13:16,171 --> 00:13:18,131 J“ Andy don't mess with me j“ 291 00:13:19,967 --> 00:13:21,218 I'll figure something out. 292 00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,512 Some freaky stuff going on. 293 00:13:23,595 --> 00:13:25,806 I was walking by Gabe and I heard some things. 294 00:13:26,181 --> 00:13:27,474 Such as? 295 00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:29,893 It was kind of mumbled. I don't know. 296 00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:34,314 The only thing I could make out clearly was, "Andy, problem, eliminate." 297 00:13:34,398 --> 00:13:35,541 Something. I don't know what it meant. 298 00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:37,150 What? You don't know what it meant? 299 00:13:37,234 --> 00:13:40,821 How about, "Andy is a problem and we must eliminate him." 300 00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:43,323 Oh! I hadn't even thought of that. 301 00:13:43,407 --> 00:13:45,033 (Laughing) Yeah. 302 00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:46,576 (Exclaiming) 303 00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:51,915 Oh, hey, I love your earrings. 304 00:13:51,999 --> 00:13:53,041 Thank you. 305 00:13:53,125 --> 00:13:54,751 Did Michael get them for you? 306 00:13:54,835 --> 00:13:56,878 No, I bought them myself. 307 00:13:57,254 --> 00:13:58,463 Where? 308 00:13:58,630 --> 00:14:00,173 (Stammers) Steamtown mall. 309 00:14:00,257 --> 00:14:03,010 Claire's? Zales? Ricky's? Earrings, earrings, earrings? 310 00:14:03,093 --> 00:14:04,594 Fancy girl? Platinum cat? 311 00:14:04,761 --> 00:14:05,762 Where? 312 00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:08,140 You know, I actually got them in Philadelphia. 313 00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:09,391 In a mall down there. 314 00:14:09,474 --> 00:14:10,517 Franklin mills? 315 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:13,770 King of prussia? Springfield? Governor's place? 316 00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:15,772 Franklin mills. 317 00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:20,902 What? Hmm. 318 00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:22,612 Oh! 319 00:14:23,447 --> 00:14:25,073 It's probably nothing. 320 00:14:25,157 --> 00:14:29,202 Okay, heart-shaped jewelry is not something that a woman buys for herself, 321 00:14:29,286 --> 00:14:32,039 a man definitely bought it for her recently, 322 00:14:32,122 --> 00:14:34,041 and it wasn't Michael. 323 00:14:34,291 --> 00:14:36,877 Wait, so you like heart-shaped jewelry, though, right? 324 00:14:38,462 --> 00:14:40,839 Except for the pendant that you bought me. 325 00:14:40,922 --> 00:14:42,466 Which I love. 326 00:14:45,052 --> 00:14:46,053 Psst! 327 00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:55,979 Creed's head of quality assurance, 328 00:14:56,354 --> 00:14:58,273 so he'd definitely be wrapped up in this. 329 00:14:58,648 --> 00:15:00,901 So there I am minding my own business, 330 00:15:00,984 --> 00:15:03,236 and Darnell offers me three bucks. 331 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:06,239 All I've got to do is walk by Andy and go like this. 332 00:15:06,323 --> 00:15:09,201 Darnell's a chump. I would've done it for anything. 333 00:15:09,284 --> 00:15:11,203 I've done a lot more for a lot less. 334 00:15:13,288 --> 00:15:17,292 Pam: So, it turns out Donna and I have a Facebook friend of a friend in common, 335 00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:20,629 so I was able to see some of her pictures online. 336 00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:24,007 This was taken two weeks ago. 337 00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:28,345 And this was taken the same night. 338 00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:32,641 This photo was taken this morning. 339 00:15:33,183 --> 00:15:34,559 It's Cece. 340 00:15:34,643 --> 00:15:37,354 She's never going to do anything wrong. 341 00:15:37,479 --> 00:15:40,398 Isn't that something? Wow. That's exciting. 342 00:15:40,482 --> 00:15:42,234 Hey, Michael. Hey. 343 00:15:42,359 --> 00:15:43,860 Sorry to interrupt you. 344 00:15:43,944 --> 00:15:46,339 I actually have something very important to talk to you about. 345 00:15:46,363 --> 00:15:47,590 Well, it can wait. Business related. 346 00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:49,366 It can wait. I lied, it's personal. 347 00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:50,742 It's about me and Jim, we're... 348 00:15:50,826 --> 00:15:53,120 (Stammers) You're the only person I can talk to. 349 00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:55,038 Jim is her husband. 350 00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:56,762 Pam: And... and they're having problems... 351 00:15:56,832 --> 00:15:58,351 No, no, we're not... And so she comes to me. 352 00:15:58,375 --> 00:16:00,710 We're not having problems, but it is personal. 353 00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:02,712 And I was... in bed. 354 00:16:02,796 --> 00:16:03,797 (Clicking tongue) 355 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:07,634 Yes, yes, I desperately want to speak with you 356 00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:09,362 about my sex life with Jim. (Michael clearing throat) 357 00:16:09,386 --> 00:16:11,638 Oh, my god, look at how cheap street-level rooms are. 358 00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:14,391 Am I the only person who enjoys people-watching? 359 00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:15,892 I need you to sign this! 360 00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:18,436 So bad! Okay, weirdo. 361 00:16:19,229 --> 00:16:21,439 I love... this idea is neat. 362 00:16:21,565 --> 00:16:22,565 Yeah. I've never been. 363 00:16:22,607 --> 00:16:23,650 It sounds lovely. 364 00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:25,920 Yeah, I think it'll be a nice trip. We're going to get a lot done. 365 00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:27,946 You're going to want to look at the date on that. 366 00:16:28,989 --> 00:16:30,824 Oh! Wow. Look at golfing. 367 00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:31,950 Are you a golfer? 368 00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:33,535 I am, but I gave my clubs away. 369 00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:35,120 Swear too much. 370 00:16:35,203 --> 00:16:36,955 (Both laughing) 371 00:16:39,249 --> 00:16:40,250 Hey, you okay? 372 00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:43,253 Yeah, I just remembered that I have to go to the bathroom. 373 00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:44,754 Pam? Absolutely. 374 00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:50,969 Look, I'm not down anymore, so if the guys start making fun of you, 375 00:16:51,052 --> 00:16:52,929 you've just gotta stand up for yourself. 376 00:16:53,263 --> 00:16:55,974 I know. It's just, I'm scared... Andy: I got your text. 377 00:16:56,057 --> 00:16:57,184 It said, "911." 378 00:16:57,767 --> 00:16:59,019 Glen, could you excuse us? 379 00:17:05,609 --> 00:17:07,027 It's bad. What's bad? 380 00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:08,110 It's real bad. 381 00:17:08,153 --> 00:17:09,362 Still no plan. 382 00:17:09,613 --> 00:17:11,531 Oh, god. It's getting bigger. 383 00:17:11,615 --> 00:17:15,493 I might have to go public here, but no one's going to believe me. Uh... 384 00:17:15,577 --> 00:17:17,829 I need proof. I need, like, a printer to catch on fire. 385 00:17:17,913 --> 00:17:19,539 Yeah. I can videotape it. 386 00:17:22,626 --> 00:17:23,710 There it is. 387 00:17:23,793 --> 00:17:24,920 There what is? 388 00:17:25,086 --> 00:17:26,213 What? 389 00:17:26,421 --> 00:17:29,216 Who the hell is this? Who is this guy? 390 00:17:29,299 --> 00:17:30,759 God! I don't know who it is. 391 00:17:30,842 --> 00:17:32,928 Lowest of the low, that guy. 392 00:17:33,011 --> 00:17:34,471 Just a notch above Toby. 393 00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:35,639 You know what? What? 394 00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:38,892 I'm going to kill him. No, I'm not. I feel... no. 395 00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:41,061 I'm not going to kill him. 396 00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:42,997 You just have to go in there. You have to hear it from her. 397 00:17:43,021 --> 00:17:45,124 I have to hear it from her. But you have to settle down first. 398 00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:47,776 I need to have her tell me herself. Okay. 399 00:17:47,859 --> 00:17:48,860 O right? Kay- 400 00:17:48,944 --> 00:17:50,046 yes. I need to have her say... 401 00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:51,714 I need to say, "what the hell is that? Calm down first. 402 00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:53,049 "What the hell is that?" Hey, look at this. 403 00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:54,241 Look at this baby picture. 404 00:17:54,324 --> 00:17:55,742 (Grunting) Oh, god, no. Oh, my god. 405 00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:56,868 Hi, Michael. 406 00:17:56,952 --> 00:17:58,745 Okay. Hi, Michael. 407 00:17:58,828 --> 00:17:59,996 Okay. 408 00:18:00,664 --> 00:18:01,831 Okay. 409 00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:06,253 I talked to corporate. Turns out there have been 12 reports of faulty printers. 410 00:18:06,336 --> 00:18:07,754 Out of 400,000. 411 00:18:08,505 --> 00:18:10,632 We've investigated. Every time it's been user error. 412 00:18:10,715 --> 00:18:12,676 They block the vents or something, I don't know. 413 00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:14,344 That's why we have the fine print. 414 00:18:14,719 --> 00:18:16,322 Thank you for bringing this to our attention. 415 00:18:16,346 --> 00:18:17,847 So, I'd like to reward you for that. 416 00:18:21,351 --> 00:18:24,688 That's good for five bucks at dunkin' donuts. Any dunkin' donuts. 417 00:18:37,325 --> 00:18:39,744 You know what? We should really do something fun this week. 418 00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:41,204 Yeah. Wouldn't that be fun? 419 00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:42,455 Yeah. 420 00:18:42,539 --> 00:18:43,748 How about Thursday? 421 00:18:43,832 --> 00:18:45,000 Thursday works, yeah. 422 00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:47,419 What do you want to do? I can't do it Thursday, book club. 423 00:18:47,502 --> 00:18:48,878 How about Friday? 424 00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:50,588 Oh! Friday doesn't work. 425 00:18:50,672 --> 00:18:54,092 Oh, really? 'Cause I was thinking we could go to this concert. 426 00:18:54,175 --> 00:18:57,679 Spice girls are opening for weird al. Front row. 427 00:18:57,762 --> 00:18:59,389 Be a great, great concert. 428 00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:01,057 Shoot. I'm working. 429 00:19:01,182 --> 00:19:02,892 Oh! Okay, well, maybe I should stop by. 430 00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:05,478 Well, won't you be at the concert? 431 00:19:05,562 --> 00:19:06,938 Nope, that's Tuesday. 432 00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:08,565 Well, I can make it on Tuesday. 433 00:19:09,232 --> 00:19:10,859 You're cheating. 434 00:19:12,736 --> 00:19:14,154 You're cheating on me. 435 00:19:16,573 --> 00:19:18,450 (Clicking tongue) How do you know? 436 00:19:19,242 --> 00:19:20,285 Pam told me. 437 00:19:22,412 --> 00:19:24,205 (Gasps) Did she see me? 438 00:19:24,748 --> 00:19:25,999 Nice effort. 439 00:19:26,249 --> 00:19:29,294 We're printing on 24-pound premium stock paper, 440 00:19:29,377 --> 00:19:33,048 approximately 300 sheets in. So far no signs of distress. 441 00:19:33,131 --> 00:19:35,091 You haven't even introduced yourself. Right. 442 00:19:35,175 --> 00:19:37,677 My name is Andrew baines Bernard and if you're watching this, 443 00:19:37,761 --> 00:19:40,305 it's because I've turned state's witness, because I'm in danger, 444 00:19:40,388 --> 00:19:41,723 because I know too much. 445 00:19:41,890 --> 00:19:43,075 You should talk in a higher voice 446 00:19:43,099 --> 00:19:44,684 'cause the camera makes you sound weird. 447 00:19:44,768 --> 00:19:45,768 Higher, okay? 448 00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:48,271 Recently certain events have come to my attention... 449 00:19:48,396 --> 00:19:49,396 Higher. Make it higher? 450 00:19:49,439 --> 00:19:53,068 Okay. (In high pitched tone) I have come to the conclusion that the sabre corporation... 451 00:19:53,151 --> 00:19:54,194 One more, yeah. 452 00:19:54,277 --> 00:19:56,756 (In squeaky tone) ...May be overlooking certain safety regulations. 453 00:19:56,780 --> 00:19:58,573 At the danger... 454 00:20:00,825 --> 00:20:02,065 (In normal voice) It's smoking. 455 00:20:02,952 --> 00:20:04,454 I knew it! 456 00:20:05,038 --> 00:20:07,665 This... We are blowing the roof off! 457 00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:10,543 Blowing the roof off! 458 00:20:11,753 --> 00:20:13,713 Nice, nice. 459 00:20:13,922 --> 00:20:16,508 This is my partner, Darryl philbin. 460 00:20:16,591 --> 00:20:19,052 He's been my partner through this entire thing. 461 00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:21,429 I don't want to prank anymore. 462 00:20:21,805 --> 00:20:24,140 Things get real. It's not funny. 463 00:20:24,641 --> 00:20:27,685 I'm just going to be good. Stay in my room, 464 00:20:27,769 --> 00:20:30,980 go to church, try to do one nice thing per day. 465 00:20:31,481 --> 00:20:34,651 I do not want to prank anymore. 466 00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:37,237 Who is he? 467 00:20:38,154 --> 00:20:39,697 Wait, what do you mean? The other man. 468 00:20:39,781 --> 00:20:41,324 Who's the guy? Who is it? 469 00:20:41,866 --> 00:20:44,285 It's you. I'm married. 470 00:20:47,163 --> 00:20:48,915 I'm the mistress? 471 00:20:51,292 --> 00:20:53,420 Okay, everybody, let's take this next hill! 472 00:20:53,503 --> 00:20:56,464 Excuse me. Yeah, I 'd appreciate it if you'd just let me run this. 473 00:20:56,548 --> 00:20:58,628 You know what? You had your chance, you're no leader. 474 00:20:58,716 --> 00:21:00,736 Up, out of your seat! Let's blast! Don't listen to him. 475 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:03,555 We 're approaching a cool-down, down a gentle hill. 476 00:21:03,638 --> 00:21:06,307 No! The hill's a trap. Let's take the dirt road off to the side. 477 00:21:06,391 --> 00:21:08,226 No, guys, no. We 're just cooling down. 478 00:21:08,309 --> 00:21:10,228 If they catch us, they will rape us. 479 00:21:10,311 --> 00:21:14,274 Go for the cliff. And three, two, one, jump! 480 00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:17,569 No! You're dead, you're dead, you're dead. Good jump. 481 00:21:17,819 --> 00:21:21,114 You're barely alive. Okay, now, nice cool-down. 482 00:21:21,197 --> 00:21:22,198 Check your pulse rate.