1 00:00:03,713 --> 00:00:06,591 Wow! Late every day this week. 2 00:00:06,674 --> 00:00:08,467 We signed Cece up for this daycare, 3 00:00:08,551 --> 00:00:09,778 and it's on the other side of town. 4 00:00:09,802 --> 00:00:11,846 The traffic... why didn't I think of this before? 5 00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:14,307 Did you know that there is a daycare center 6 00:00:14,390 --> 00:00:16,058 opening right here in this building? 7 00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:17,560 Is there really? 8 00:00:17,852 --> 00:00:20,730 Now that I own the building, I'm looking for new sources of revenue. 9 00:00:20,813 --> 00:00:22,607 And a daycare center? 10 00:00:28,279 --> 00:00:29,590 Well, I guess it's not an evil idea. 11 00:00:29,614 --> 00:00:33,951 It's just a regular idea, but there's no good laugh for a regular idea. 12 00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:37,705 Welcome to the sesame Avenue daycare center 13 00:00:37,788 --> 00:00:39,790 for infants and toddlers. 14 00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:44,795 You remember my cousin mose? 15 00:00:44,879 --> 00:00:46,088 Welcome, children. 16 00:00:46,172 --> 00:00:47,798 Were you painting in the dark? 17 00:00:48,466 --> 00:00:50,134 Wait, is this your place, Dwight? 18 00:00:50,301 --> 00:00:52,541 Dwight: No, no, I like to think of it as the kids' place. 19 00:00:52,595 --> 00:00:53,721 Would you like a tour? 20 00:00:54,263 --> 00:00:55,282 I don't think we really need it... 21 00:00:55,306 --> 00:00:56,506 Ooh, let's take the tour, Pam. 22 00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:57,683 Yeah. Comeon 23 00:00:58,809 --> 00:01:02,230 here is the language skills and cognitive development area. 24 00:01:02,313 --> 00:01:04,815 These are English letters. 25 00:01:05,149 --> 00:01:06,984 I see you found our magical toy box, Jim. 26 00:01:07,068 --> 00:01:09,213 These are actually forks and knives from the break room. 27 00:01:09,237 --> 00:01:12,073 Jim, to you and me, maybe. But, come on. 28 00:01:12,156 --> 00:01:13,950 To a child's imagination, that's Mr. Fork, 29 00:01:14,033 --> 00:01:16,452 and lieutenant knife and miss fork. 30 00:01:16,661 --> 00:01:18,579 And a soy sauce packet. 31 00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:23,435 That shouldn't have been in there. I'm embarrassed. 32 00:01:23,459 --> 00:01:24,585 Don't beat yourself up. 33 00:01:24,669 --> 00:01:27,421 We come fully equipped with a restroom, 34 00:01:27,505 --> 00:01:29,340 feeding trough, play bucket, 35 00:01:29,674 --> 00:01:31,467 and room for a plant, in success. 36 00:01:31,550 --> 00:01:32,778 Who will be watching the children? 37 00:01:32,802 --> 00:01:35,346 No one. The door locks from the outside. Escape is impossible. 38 00:01:35,554 --> 00:01:36,973 Prove it. 39 00:01:37,056 --> 00:01:39,183 What... no. We're gonna head outside. 40 00:01:39,267 --> 00:01:41,602 Just give it a whirl. I just wanna see how it works. 41 00:01:41,686 --> 00:01:43,229 No, no, no, l_ butlwiteh you hus. 42 00:01:43,312 --> 00:01:46,065 If this works out, I think we're looking real good. 43 00:01:46,148 --> 00:01:48,442 I promise you, that door locks. 44 00:02:27,231 --> 00:02:29,626 What's something you did... This is the worst! This is the worst! 45 00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:31,694 You are the worst. I hate looking at your face. 46 00:02:31,777 --> 00:02:33,112 I wanna smash it! 47 00:02:33,195 --> 00:02:35,531 Michael: Okay, you know what? I made a mistake. 48 00:02:35,614 --> 00:02:37,241 I committed corporate punishment. 49 00:02:37,325 --> 00:02:39,160 My bad. 50 00:02:39,243 --> 00:02:41,662 It's over, it's done. 51 00:02:41,746 --> 00:02:47,918 But, my punishment is worse than hell. 52 00:02:48,419 --> 00:02:50,755 Michael's been assigned six hours of mandatory counseling 53 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:52,048 with a trained professional. 54 00:02:52,256 --> 00:02:54,300 I actually have a degree in social work. 55 00:02:54,425 --> 00:02:57,720 I mean, I know a lot of people would just ask a few standard questions 56 00:02:57,803 --> 00:02:59,388 and tick off a few boxes, 57 00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:02,683 but I've got a chance to do some good here. 58 00:03:02,767 --> 00:03:05,686 I know what you wanna ask me. 59 00:03:05,770 --> 00:03:07,229 "Did your mom ever see you naked?" 60 00:03:07,438 --> 00:03:09,565 We can do this with more privacy. 61 00:03:09,899 --> 00:03:11,108 So you can molest me? 62 00:03:11,359 --> 00:03:12,818 Okay. I don't think so. 63 00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:14,671 We're gonna leave the blinds open, 64 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:17,031 so everybody can see what a big failure you are. 65 00:03:21,452 --> 00:03:22,870 That's the key. 66 00:03:24,163 --> 00:03:25,998 Boycott the steamtown mall! 67 00:03:26,624 --> 00:03:28,167 Everyone, you heard me. 68 00:03:28,250 --> 00:03:30,878 Cancel all your businesses with the steamtown mall! 69 00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:33,089 The mail itself, or the stores in the mall? 70 00:03:33,172 --> 00:03:35,633 All of it! The mail, the stores, the kiosks. 71 00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,093 America's one big mall. 72 00:03:37,176 --> 00:03:38,278 Did something happen, Dwight? 73 00:03:38,302 --> 00:03:40,388 Yeah, something happened. Oh, yeah. 74 00:03:40,471 --> 00:03:41,806 Something happened, Jim. 75 00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:42,890 Well, tell us what it is. 76 00:03:42,973 --> 00:03:46,143 I mean, it'll help to get some context so we can get on board. 77 00:03:46,227 --> 00:03:47,311 You don't wanna know. 78 00:03:48,813 --> 00:03:51,941 I'd like you to imagine a place where you feel very peaceful. 79 00:03:52,691 --> 00:03:55,903 For me, it's the walk from the yogurt shop to my car, 80 00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:58,656 after I drop my daughter off on Sunday afternoons. 81 00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:05,663 I'm glad Michael's getting help. 82 00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:08,541 He has a lot of issues and he's stupid. 83 00:04:08,624 --> 00:04:13,504 Look, I'm not gonna tell you that we have lower prices. 84 00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:16,507 Is price something that is important to you? 85 00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:20,970 Okay, well, let me know if anything changes. 86 00:04:24,515 --> 00:04:25,516 Pam? 87 00:04:27,143 --> 00:04:28,894 I can't do this. 88 00:04:28,978 --> 00:04:32,690 I don't have this sales gene or whatever it is. 89 00:04:34,525 --> 00:04:36,110 Tell me everything's gonna be okay. 90 00:04:36,735 --> 00:04:38,279 Everything's gonna be okay. 91 00:04:39,363 --> 00:04:40,823 Tell me I'm good at sales. 92 00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:44,368 You're good... You're good at sales. 93 00:04:45,536 --> 00:04:47,288 The unfair thing about working in sales 94 00:04:47,371 --> 00:04:49,790 is that your salary is almost all commission. 95 00:04:49,874 --> 00:04:53,043 So if you suck at sales, you make almost no money. 96 00:04:56,547 --> 00:04:58,382 I guess that's fair. 97 00:04:58,466 --> 00:04:59,925 Dwight. 98 00:05:00,009 --> 00:05:01,009 What? 99 00:05:01,051 --> 00:05:03,971 Did you call all my clients at the mall 100 00:05:04,054 --> 00:05:10,144 and cancel all my business while using the "f" word? 101 00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:11,437 Yes, I did. 102 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:13,981 And I'm gonna do the same with all of your clients. 103 00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:15,316 No, you will not. 104 00:05:15,399 --> 00:05:18,444 Oh, yes, I will. That mall is corrupt. 105 00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:19,737 Okay, they're appearancist! 106 00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:22,198 Okay, Dwight, we can't do that. 107 00:05:22,281 --> 00:05:23,842 So why don't you just tell us what happened? 108 00:05:23,866 --> 00:05:25,075 Yeah. What happened, Dwight? 109 00:05:25,576 --> 00:05:26,660 Jim: Okay? 110 00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:33,834 You guys know me. You know that I'm not one for fancy things. 111 00:05:33,918 --> 00:05:35,544 But there was this one thing. 112 00:05:35,628 --> 00:05:37,868 It was in a fancy store, anditcaught the corner of my eye 113 00:05:37,922 --> 00:05:40,508 when I took mose down to the mall 114 00:05:40,591 --> 00:05:42,593 to get his blood pressure at the rite aid. 115 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:45,513 And I thought, "you know, maybe I deserve this." 116 00:05:45,596 --> 00:05:48,516 You know, I've had a great crop yield this fall. 117 00:05:48,599 --> 00:05:49,683 So what happened? 118 00:05:49,767 --> 00:05:51,727 I went to the store and I pressed the buzzer, 119 00:05:51,810 --> 00:05:54,647 and they looked right at me, and then they looked away. 120 00:05:54,939 --> 00:05:57,233 And then I pressed the buzzer again, 121 00:05:57,316 --> 00:06:00,986 and they started taking pictures of me with their mobile phones. 122 00:06:01,487 --> 00:06:03,113 I guess I'm not the kind of guy 123 00:06:03,197 --> 00:06:05,991 that's good enough for precious heirlooms. 124 00:06:06,075 --> 00:06:07,969 You know what, Dwight? You need to go back there, 125 00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:10,037 and you need to pretty woman their asses. 126 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:12,289 We should start ourownrnml yeah! 127 00:06:12,373 --> 00:06:14,684 Wait, wait, wait. Actually, that's a really good idea, Kelly. 128 00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:15,793 What did I say? 129 00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:18,754 I talk a lot, so I've learned to just tune myself out. 130 00:06:18,837 --> 00:06:20,047 Dwight, how about this? 131 00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:21,298 Instead of a boycott, 132 00:06:21,382 --> 00:06:24,301 you and I, together, go down to that store 133 00:06:24,385 --> 00:06:26,554 and we teach those snobs a lesson. 134 00:06:26,637 --> 00:06:31,141 No, you and I, and I. 135 00:06:31,809 --> 00:06:34,144 I'm gonna come with you. Okay. 136 00:06:34,812 --> 00:06:36,397 Good. All right. 137 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,315 Did you assume that I would automatically side 138 00:06:38,399 --> 00:06:40,818 with the rich, snobby shop owner? 139 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:44,822 How about now? 140 00:06:48,617 --> 00:06:50,119 How about now? 141 00:06:52,663 --> 00:06:54,164 How about now? 142 00:06:56,625 --> 00:06:58,168 How about now? 143 00:06:58,252 --> 00:07:00,421 What's your favorite flavor of... 144 00:07:00,504 --> 00:07:01,755 One hour. What? 145 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:04,174 One hour. We've done one hour. 146 00:07:04,258 --> 00:07:06,594 Let's just speed this up. 147 00:07:06,677 --> 00:07:09,263 Okay, keep it moving. I wanna do all six hours today. 148 00:07:09,346 --> 00:07:11,307 Look, lcant count the hour if you don't talk. 149 00:07:11,390 --> 00:07:13,475 No, no, no.No. 150 00:07:13,684 --> 00:07:17,229 I know my rights, all I had to do is sit here for six hours. 151 00:07:17,313 --> 00:07:18,355 Do my time. 152 00:07:18,439 --> 00:07:20,000 Michael, it's up to me to check off the boxes, 153 00:07:20,024 --> 00:07:22,002 and I can't do that unless I honestly... do you know how... 154 00:07:22,026 --> 00:07:24,236 Do you have any idea how angry that is making me? 155 00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:25,863 Tell me. 156 00:07:27,197 --> 00:07:30,200 I think we might be about to maybe really get somewhere. 157 00:07:30,576 --> 00:07:33,621 Yes, I will. I will talk all right. 158 00:07:33,704 --> 00:07:36,206 Be careful what you wish for, Toby. 159 00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:39,428 Apparently, there's a famous Hollywood movie 160 00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:42,504 from the 1980s, beautiful girl. 161 00:07:42,588 --> 00:07:44,506 Pretty woman. 162 00:07:44,590 --> 00:07:46,508 Pretty woman. Apparently, it's one of the 163 00:07:46,592 --> 00:07:49,094 best revenge stories of all time, 164 00:07:49,178 --> 00:07:53,140 in which this sex worker, who is the protagonist... 165 00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:55,452 That can't be right. Andy, 166 00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:56,769 I wanna hear you tell it. What? 167 00:07:56,852 --> 00:07:58,604 Okay. 168 00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:01,106 The sex worker is denied service at a fancy store 169 00:08:01,190 --> 00:08:02,983 because she does not look wealthy. 170 00:08:03,067 --> 00:08:05,527 She later returns, dressed in all the trappings 171 00:08:05,611 --> 00:08:06,695 of extravagant wealth, 172 00:08:06,779 --> 00:08:07,821 but instead of shopping... 173 00:08:07,905 --> 00:08:08,965 Julia Roberts goes in the store, 174 00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:10,216 she's like, "I was in here yesterday, 175 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:11,468 "and you people wouldn't help me." 176 00:08:11,492 --> 00:08:12,826 And the shop girl goes, "oh." 177 00:08:12,910 --> 00:08:16,121 And then Julia Roberts goes, "you girls work on commission, right?" 178 00:08:16,205 --> 00:08:17,665 And the girl's like, "yeah." 179 00:08:17,748 --> 00:08:18,749 And Julia Roberts goes... 180 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,876 "Big mistake. Huge." 181 00:08:22,252 --> 00:08:24,171 I was telling... I was telling that. 182 00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:26,965 ._papersupphes and ink cartridges to go with that? 183 00:08:27,049 --> 00:08:29,009 Okay, sure. 184 00:08:29,093 --> 00:08:30,678 Who can I speak to in this office 185 00:08:30,761 --> 00:08:32,429 about saving on window treatments? 186 00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:34,181 I don't know. 187 00:08:34,264 --> 00:08:36,642 Is one of you the office administrator? 188 00:08:39,103 --> 00:08:40,229 I am. 189 00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:43,857 I'm the office administrator! 190 00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:45,651 Can I show you a few samples? 191 00:08:46,068 --> 00:08:49,446 We're not interested. We're not interested at all. 192 00:08:52,616 --> 00:08:54,618 There are a few ways to get promoted. 193 00:08:54,702 --> 00:08:57,705 One is to wait for an opening and apply for it. 194 00:08:57,788 --> 00:08:59,873 That's the main way. 195 00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:01,458 But this could work. 196 00:09:01,834 --> 00:09:03,502 Toby, can I really tell you anything? 197 00:09:03,794 --> 00:09:04,962 Of course. 198 00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:08,215 Well, the other night, I was sitting at the table, 199 00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:10,342 eating my penis... 200 00:09:10,426 --> 00:09:11,635 I mean peas. 201 00:09:13,095 --> 00:09:14,263 That was weird. 202 00:09:14,638 --> 00:09:16,056 Ah, that's weird. 203 00:09:16,140 --> 00:09:19,309 I think it all stems from the fact that I was... 204 00:09:21,437 --> 00:09:22,896 I was probed. 205 00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:26,483 By an alien life force. An alf. 206 00:09:28,402 --> 00:09:29,820 Alf. 207 00:09:30,279 --> 00:09:33,157 You know, I might have actually been probed by alf. 208 00:09:34,116 --> 00:09:36,785 You might think he's a puppet. 209 00:09:36,869 --> 00:09:39,788 You never see the lower half, but there's a lower half. 210 00:09:39,872 --> 00:09:41,373 Office administrator. 211 00:09:41,457 --> 00:09:43,417 So when did this happen? 212 00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:45,794 A few months ago. 213 00:09:45,878 --> 00:09:48,130 I was talking to someone at corporate, 214 00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:49,482 mmm-hmm. Who isn't there anymore. 215 00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:52,843 And I think the papennork just got lost in the shuffle. 216 00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:54,261 Can you believe that? Typical. 217 00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:56,096 Yeah, totally. Well, congrats. 218 00:09:56,180 --> 00:09:59,933 Thanks, yeah. So, I'm just gonna take care of stuff around the office 219 00:10:00,017 --> 00:10:02,436 and get paid a reasonable salary. We need that, right? 220 00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:03,520 Totally. That's great. 221 00:10:03,604 --> 00:10:04,855 I get paid $40,000 a year. 222 00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:05,981 Great. 223 00:10:06,064 --> 00:10:07,691 Maybe $50,000. $50,000? 224 00:10:07,775 --> 00:10:09,485 No, not $50,000. 225 00:10:09,568 --> 00:10:11,528 $41,000, I think. 226 00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:12,613 $41,000. 227 00:10:12,696 --> 00:10:13,781 $41,500. 228 00:10:14,198 --> 00:10:15,699 That's great. 229 00:10:20,204 --> 00:10:22,831 Before me stands your coworker, Dwight Kurt schrute. 230 00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:25,834 Dwight, show them all sides. Turn around. 231 00:10:25,918 --> 00:10:29,338 Now, today we need your help turning Dwight into a gentleman. 232 00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:32,549 A gentleman, who is a rich snob, 233 00:10:32,633 --> 00:10:34,218 who will go into shopping malls 234 00:10:34,301 --> 00:10:36,762 and drop huge amounts of cash on clothes. 235 00:10:36,887 --> 00:10:38,388 Is he still doing this boycott? 236 00:10:38,472 --> 00:10:41,058 No, no, this is instead of the boycott. Yeah. 237 00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:44,019 Your shirt and tie are disgusto-barfo. 238 00:10:44,102 --> 00:10:45,312 Agreed. Really? 239 00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:47,147 Oscar: Maybe something not so monochromatic. 240 00:10:47,231 --> 00:10:48,315 Not so matching. 241 00:10:48,398 --> 00:10:50,901 Wait, less matching to appear more rich? 242 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,028 The glasses are a little... 243 00:10:55,823 --> 00:10:56,990 I liked them. 244 00:10:57,074 --> 00:10:58,700 I thought they were kind of cute. 245 00:10:58,784 --> 00:11:00,744 Yeah, I liked them, too. 246 00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:02,746 I can't see. 247 00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:04,670 Say stuff like, "good morning, good afternoon." 248 00:11:04,706 --> 00:11:05,707 People appreciate that. 249 00:11:05,791 --> 00:11:08,752 Wait, I see you every day. Can I say, "good month?" 250 00:11:09,294 --> 00:11:10,879 I'm telling you how to do this, man. 251 00:11:10,963 --> 00:11:12,631 If someone offers you a cocktail, 252 00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:14,967 accept, but keep your wits about you. 253 00:11:15,092 --> 00:11:17,219 Okay. "Please" and "thank you" go a long way. 254 00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:20,639 Copy. Thank you. 255 00:11:20,973 --> 00:11:22,307 Thank you. 256 00:11:22,808 --> 00:11:24,810 Please. 257 00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:26,645 I think he's got it. 258 00:11:27,437 --> 00:11:30,148 And I was raised by wolves. 259 00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:33,443 I was 25 years old before I saw my first human being. 260 00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:36,113 Wait, is it a full moon tonight? 261 00:11:41,577 --> 00:11:44,580 Come on, Michael. These are all fake stories. 262 00:11:45,956 --> 00:11:47,958 Yes, yes, they are all fake stories. 263 00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:51,503 What sort of twisted mind would come up with weird stories like that? 264 00:11:51,587 --> 00:11:52,880 Three hours, we're halfway done. 265 00:11:53,005 --> 00:11:54,673 How? 266 00:12:01,972 --> 00:12:04,933 Yeah. Hey, do you have a second? 267 00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:07,102 Well, as I'm sure you know for the past few months, 268 00:12:07,185 --> 00:12:08,729 I've been the office administrator, 269 00:12:08,812 --> 00:12:10,314 since right before you guys took over. 270 00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:11,857 Right, of course. 271 00:12:12,149 --> 00:12:13,734 And I haven't gotten paid yet. 272 00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:14,943 I'm not blaming you. 273 00:12:15,819 --> 00:12:17,613 Thank you so much. 274 00:12:17,696 --> 00:12:19,781 I just think somebody lost the paperwork. 275 00:12:19,865 --> 00:12:21,366 Oh, boy. 276 00:12:21,450 --> 00:12:23,428 Can you get every department head's signature on this 277 00:12:23,452 --> 00:12:24,512 so I can back this up to corporate? 278 00:12:24,536 --> 00:12:27,497 Yes, absolutely, right away. 279 00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:31,877 You know what, Michael? You're right. You win. 280 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,129 This is pointless. We're not getting anywhere. 281 00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:38,634 I got a bunch of fun stuff, in case my daughter ever comes over. 282 00:12:38,717 --> 00:12:40,719 Why don't we just run out the clock 283 00:12:40,802 --> 00:12:45,140 by playing games, drawing some pictures, talking? 284 00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,983 We present to you, for your final comments and approval, 285 00:12:55,067 --> 00:12:56,735 Dwight k. Schrute. 286 00:12:59,071 --> 00:13:00,447 Go get them, Dwight. 287 00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:01,573 Wish us luck. 288 00:13:02,324 --> 00:13:04,201 Thank you. Dwight. 289 00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:09,081 All done. 290 00:13:09,164 --> 00:13:12,376 Disposable cameras are fun, although it does seem wasteful 291 00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:15,128 and you don't ever get to see your pictures. 292 00:13:15,212 --> 00:13:17,756 If it's an important event that you want to remember, 293 00:13:17,839 --> 00:13:19,508 I recommend using a real camera. 294 00:13:19,591 --> 00:13:22,094 But I don't care if I forget today. 295 00:13:23,804 --> 00:13:25,823 We could play something more complicated if you'd like. 296 00:13:25,847 --> 00:13:27,307 This is plenty complicated. 297 00:13:27,391 --> 00:13:28,809 So you've played it before? 298 00:13:28,892 --> 00:13:31,019 I played it once or twice with Jeff. 299 00:13:31,353 --> 00:13:32,353 Who's Jeff? 300 00:13:32,396 --> 00:13:34,272 Jeff was my mother's boyfriend, 301 00:13:34,356 --> 00:13:35,440 who she married. 302 00:13:35,691 --> 00:13:38,735 So, herhusband and your stepdad. 303 00:13:38,944 --> 00:13:40,028 Yeah. 304 00:13:40,112 --> 00:13:42,864 Yeah, I guess I never thought of it that way, though. 305 00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:46,493 Did you guys do much stuff together? 306 00:13:46,576 --> 00:13:48,996 Yeah, you know what, he took me to a baseball game once, 307 00:13:49,079 --> 00:13:50,497 I remember. 308 00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:53,417 It was weird, though. They took the pitcher out of the game, 309 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:54,543 and I felt really bad 310 00:13:55,127 --> 00:13:56,604 because the pitcher wasn't gonna be able 311 00:13:56,628 --> 00:13:57,772 to play with his friends anymore. 312 00:13:57,796 --> 00:14:00,340 But Jeff said that the manager was making 313 00:14:00,424 --> 00:14:02,676 a really good move by taking the pitcher out. 314 00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:04,302 He really respected the manager. 315 00:14:07,222 --> 00:14:08,682 It's working. 316 00:14:09,766 --> 00:14:11,268 I'm doing it. 317 00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:17,524 What? 318 00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:19,693 My place, tonight. Wear this. 319 00:14:19,776 --> 00:14:20,819 Do you have your card? 320 00:14:20,902 --> 00:14:21,945 Yes. 321 00:14:24,489 --> 00:14:26,116 Angela: Don't forget the pipe. 322 00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:27,677 It's really sad that your dog ran away, 323 00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:31,538 but why did it keep you from going to the park? 324 00:14:31,621 --> 00:14:34,291 I was afraid I would find him in the park playing with another kid. 325 00:14:35,459 --> 00:14:37,770 I guess that's why I thought he ran away in the first place, 326 00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:39,129 to find a kid he liked better. 327 00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:40,213 Dogs don't do that. 328 00:14:40,297 --> 00:14:41,298 Right? 329 00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:42,466 Why would a dog do that? 330 00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:43,550 I don't know. 331 00:14:43,633 --> 00:14:46,094 When I hear myself say it, it just sounds ridiculous. 332 00:14:46,178 --> 00:14:48,680 But I never said it out loud, so... 333 00:14:51,767 --> 00:14:55,395 It's very important for you to be liked, isn't it? 334 00:14:55,479 --> 00:14:59,316 Well, let's not get too... 335 00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,735 This isn't a counseling session. 336 00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:05,947 Okay. 337 00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:10,035 You son of a gun. 338 00:15:12,162 --> 00:15:14,748 You son of a bitch. Wow, okay. 339 00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:16,271 I'm just trying to help you, Michael. 340 00:15:16,333 --> 00:15:17,667 You bitch, god! 341 00:15:17,918 --> 00:15:19,961 Michael. You're very helpful, aren't you? 342 00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:21,797 You try to help everybody. I'm trying to. 343 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:23,673 Do you wanna play another game? 344 00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:24,917 I just wanna... you are good. 345 00:15:24,966 --> 00:15:26,566 But you know what? You can't help people. 346 00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:27,873 You couldn't help your marriage. 347 00:15:28,220 --> 00:15:29,429 Hey_ lose.Youlose. 348 00:15:29,513 --> 00:15:30,514 I don't need your help. 349 00:15:30,722 --> 00:15:31,932 Nobody needs your help. 350 00:15:32,015 --> 00:15:35,143 Nobody wants it! You can't help anybody. 351 00:15:35,227 --> 00:15:37,145 I don't need your help! 352 00:15:38,063 --> 00:15:39,689 Am I gonna make you cry? 353 00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:41,233 Just fill them out any way you want. 354 00:15:41,316 --> 00:15:42,651 Okay. 355 00:15:42,734 --> 00:15:44,444 Have Erin fax them back to corporate. 356 00:15:44,528 --> 00:15:45,529 Will do. 357 00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:47,864 Okay, filled out. Good. 358 00:15:47,948 --> 00:15:50,468 Thank you, doctor. Take two of these and call me in the morning. 359 00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:54,246 Pam: Hey, Michael? 360 00:15:55,038 --> 00:15:57,749 About three months ago, I was talking... 361 00:16:04,422 --> 00:16:06,400 Pam: There are a lot of one-person departments here, 362 00:16:06,424 --> 00:16:09,052 so there's a lot of department heads. 363 00:16:09,136 --> 00:16:11,179 But I'm off to a good start. 364 00:16:11,263 --> 00:16:16,393 Oh, man, if I can pull this off, it will be the scam of all scams. 365 00:16:17,185 --> 00:16:19,437 And yet, very helpful to everyone. 366 00:16:20,522 --> 00:16:22,482 So corporate got your evaluations, 367 00:16:22,566 --> 00:16:23,926 and they wanted me to double-check. 368 00:16:23,984 --> 00:16:26,695 Is that really how you feel about Michael's situation? 369 00:16:26,945 --> 00:16:28,613 Yes. 370 00:16:28,697 --> 00:16:31,032 That is not how he seemed to me. 371 00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:33,033 I thought he seemed fine. 372 00:16:33,076 --> 00:16:35,579 You marked "severe" in all the categories, 373 00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:37,539 including "at risk for homicidal behavior." 374 00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:44,462 I saw a tlc show on Kate Walsh's home office. 375 00:16:44,546 --> 00:16:45,589 All corkboard. 376 00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:46,673 We can do that. 377 00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:48,091 Right in here? Easily. 378 00:16:48,175 --> 00:16:50,343 Knock, knock. Pam? Perfect. 379 00:16:51,094 --> 00:16:53,096 I was hoping to talk to the office administrator 380 00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:55,265 about a little office administration problem. 381 00:16:55,974 --> 00:16:57,350 But of course. Great. 382 00:16:59,603 --> 00:17:02,230 The problem, unfortunately, is about 383 00:17:02,314 --> 00:17:03,857 the office administrator. 384 00:17:05,275 --> 00:17:07,515 I have gone through everything from the past three years. 385 00:17:07,736 --> 00:17:10,739 There is nothing that says that you're office administrator. 386 00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,533 So weird that there's no paperwork. 387 00:17:13,617 --> 00:17:14,784 At all. 388 00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:19,122 Although, like, unlikely things happen all the time. 389 00:17:19,206 --> 00:17:20,707 My best friend in high school, 390 00:17:20,790 --> 00:17:22,375 she went to Australia, Canberra I think, 391 00:17:22,459 --> 00:17:25,837 and she met this guy who lived only two streets away from her in america. 392 00:17:25,921 --> 00:17:28,715 Pam, I don't want to accuse you of anything. 393 00:17:28,798 --> 00:17:31,801 I just want everything to be back the way it's supposed to be. 394 00:17:33,637 --> 00:17:36,473 Can you just admit... admit... 395 00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:38,892 Admit what? 396 00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:40,393 I don't want to say it. 397 00:17:46,816 --> 00:17:47,859 Say it. 398 00:17:48,151 --> 00:17:49,152 Mmm-mmm. 399 00:17:49,236 --> 00:17:51,404 Say that I'm lying, or say I have the job. 400 00:17:51,488 --> 00:17:52,822 Make a definitive statement, Gabe. 401 00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:55,468 Statements of such a nature, while they have their place, are overused 402 00:17:55,492 --> 00:17:57,202 in a competitive business environment. 403 00:17:57,285 --> 00:18:00,247 Great. Well, let me know if you need a new chair, 404 00:18:00,330 --> 00:18:02,707 or anything that an office administrator can handle. 405 00:18:03,875 --> 00:18:04,960 Will do. 406 00:18:08,505 --> 00:18:13,301 Could I get one of those nameplates that says "Gabe Lewis"? 407 00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:15,553 For sure. Anything else? 408 00:18:17,013 --> 00:18:18,265 I'll get it right away. 409 00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:22,978 The first lesson of watching world poker tour at 2:00 am, 410 00:18:23,061 --> 00:18:26,189 you play the opponent, not the cards. 411 00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:30,430 Jim: Is that what we're here for? 412 00:18:30,652 --> 00:18:32,821 A crystal wizard. I like it. 413 00:18:32,904 --> 00:18:35,532 It's a pewter wizard holding a crystal. 414 00:18:37,367 --> 00:18:38,785 Wait a second. 415 00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:41,621 You know you can't buy that now, right? 416 00:18:41,705 --> 00:18:43,307 And I can come back and get it for you later. 417 00:18:43,331 --> 00:18:45,011 But I'm saying right now, we can't do that. 418 00:18:45,083 --> 00:18:46,084 Right. 419 00:18:46,209 --> 00:18:47,687 'Cause I'm here for one thing, revenge. 420 00:18:47,711 --> 00:18:48,795 That's it. Okay. 421 00:18:48,878 --> 00:18:50,598 Let me know if I can help you with anything. 422 00:18:51,548 --> 00:18:52,632 Excuse me, sir. 423 00:18:52,716 --> 00:18:54,009 Yes? 424 00:18:54,092 --> 00:18:57,053 I was here yesterday, and you refused to wait on me. 425 00:18:57,137 --> 00:18:59,337 I remember, yes. I'm terribly sorry about what happened. 426 00:18:59,389 --> 00:19:00,849 You work on commission, don't you? 427 00:19:00,932 --> 00:19:02,451 Stop, stop, stop. Hold on one second. No. 428 00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:03,852 Did you just say you remember him? 429 00:19:03,935 --> 00:19:04,936 Of course. 430 00:19:05,020 --> 00:19:07,397 But he looks much less threatening now. 431 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:08,481 What does that mean? 432 00:19:08,565 --> 00:19:10,066 We had a safety concern. 433 00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:12,610 We very politely indicated that he'd be welcomed back... 434 00:19:12,694 --> 00:19:14,213 Good morning. If he were in accordance 435 00:19:14,237 --> 00:19:15,822 with our dress policy. What? 436 00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:18,241 But the bloodstained hands... 437 00:19:22,912 --> 00:19:25,040 It was beet juice. 438 00:19:25,123 --> 00:19:27,167 I'm a beet farmer... I'm very sorry. 439 00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:31,671 Good sir, I happened to have been working a very long day that day. 440 00:19:31,755 --> 00:19:34,215 When I came to your fine... 441 00:19:34,299 --> 00:19:37,177 You are so... I'm gonna... okay. 442 00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:41,181 Listen, you can't treat... Thank you. Good morning, sir! 443 00:19:41,264 --> 00:19:42,807 Okay, let's go. Come on. 444 00:19:42,932 --> 00:19:45,518 You made a big mistake! Huge! 445 00:19:46,770 --> 00:19:48,813 There it is. All right. 446 00:19:50,815 --> 00:19:51,816 That was pretty good. 447 00:19:51,900 --> 00:19:53,693 Thank you. Please. After you. 448 00:19:54,611 --> 00:19:56,613 I'll take the wizard. Salesman: Okay. 449 00:20:00,575 --> 00:20:04,079 You forged them. You forged the forms. 450 00:20:04,162 --> 00:20:06,623 You filled them in and faxed them yourself. Yes. 451 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,333 You remember that. Yes. 452 00:20:08,416 --> 00:20:11,544 But you had me so worked up that I made a mistake. 453 00:20:11,628 --> 00:20:14,547 Unless a part of you made that mistake on purpose. 454 00:20:14,631 --> 00:20:17,133 You don't make a mistake on purpose, Toby. 455 00:20:17,217 --> 00:20:18,551 Then it's no longer a mistake. 456 00:20:21,304 --> 00:20:24,015 Gabe. He messed it up. 457 00:20:24,099 --> 00:20:25,558 He messed up the forms, I bet. 458 00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:29,771 "I wanna mess everything up so I can fix it and keep my job. 459 00:20:32,107 --> 00:20:34,651 "Good thing I'm here, 'cause I do nothing. 460 00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:37,112 "I make everybody nervous." 461 00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:39,322 Okay. 462 00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:40,448 That's your notebook? 463 00:20:41,282 --> 00:20:44,119 All right. All right. Let's bang this out. 464 00:20:45,245 --> 00:20:46,496 Let's do it to it. 465 00:20:50,625 --> 00:20:52,293 That's the office, huh? Mmm. 466 00:20:53,420 --> 00:20:54,921 Look at that. 467 00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:57,340 Angela's cat, yes. 468 00:20:58,133 --> 00:21:00,427 Why is Angela taller than Dwight? 469 00:21:03,346 --> 00:21:04,722 Right. Oh. 470 00:21:04,848 --> 00:21:07,642 I wonder why it feels like that. 471 00:21:07,725 --> 00:21:11,521 Psychiatrists tend to be more crazy than their patients. 472 00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:13,982 Therapists are whores. 473 00:21:14,065 --> 00:21:16,568 Psychiatry is a narcissism machine. 474 00:21:17,527 --> 00:21:20,363 I learn more from Dr. Seuss than Dr. Freud. 475 00:21:20,447 --> 00:21:23,408 Earth. You don't have to be crazy to live here. 476 00:21:23,491 --> 00:21:24,951 But it helps. 477 00:21:25,702 --> 00:21:27,537 I don't know, just use the best one.