1 00:00:03,379 --> 00:00:04,630 Andy? 2 00:00:04,755 --> 00:00:06,090 (Haunting music playing) 3 00:00:07,717 --> 00:00:10,261 (Singing) Attend the tale of sweeney Todd 4 00:00:11,554 --> 00:00:14,473 his skin was pale and his eye was odd 5 00:00:14,557 --> 00:00:15,558 yes. 6 00:00:15,641 --> 00:00:17,226 He shaved the faces of gentlemen 7 00:00:17,310 --> 00:00:19,604 who never thereafter were heard of again 8 00:00:20,146 --> 00:00:22,481 he trod a path that few have trod 9 00:00:23,065 --> 00:00:24,817 did sweeney Todd 10 00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:28,112 the demon barber of fleet street 11 00:00:29,238 --> 00:00:30,823 did you write this? No. 12 00:00:30,948 --> 00:00:32,200 Who did? Stephen sondheim. 13 00:00:32,283 --> 00:00:33,409 Who is he? 14 00:00:33,492 --> 00:00:37,246 Swing your razor wide, sweeney 15 00:00:37,330 --> 00:00:41,042 hold it to the skies 16 00:00:41,125 --> 00:00:47,256 freely flows the blood of those who moralize 17 00:00:47,340 --> 00:00:49,217 what the hell is happening? 18 00:00:49,300 --> 00:00:50,580 We are the cast of sweeney Todd: 19 00:00:50,635 --> 00:00:51,915 The demon barber of fleet street. 20 00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:53,179 We open in a couple of weeks 21 00:00:53,262 --> 00:00:54,865 at the loose screw playhouse, here in Scranton. 22 00:00:54,889 --> 00:00:59,435 And today, just doing (in cockney accent) A wee bit of viral marketing, gov'nor! 23 00:00:59,518 --> 00:01:01,562 All: (Singing) Attend the tale of sweeney Todd 24 00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:03,231 (all humming eerily) 25 00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:05,399 He served a dark and a vengeful god 26 00:01:05,483 --> 00:01:07,443 he served a dark and a vengeful god 27 00:01:07,526 --> 00:01:09,070 (all humming eerily) 28 00:01:09,195 --> 00:01:11,239 What happens then well, that's the play 29 00:01:11,322 --> 00:01:13,074 and he wouldn't want us to give it away 30 00:01:13,157 --> 00:01:14,492 (all gasp) 31 00:01:14,992 --> 00:01:16,452 Not sweeney Todd 32 00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:20,665 the demon barber of fleet 33 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:22,166 street 34 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:24,752 (laughs) Wow! 35 00:01:27,797 --> 00:01:31,008 Oh, that was amazing! That was awesome! 36 00:01:31,092 --> 00:01:33,844 I auditioned for this! When did the cast list go up? 37 00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:35,888 Like a month ago. 38 00:01:35,972 --> 00:01:37,556 Really? They didn't call me! 39 00:01:40,226 --> 00:01:41,310 Who am I playing? 40 00:01:43,479 --> 00:01:44,605 Andy? 41 00:02:19,515 --> 00:02:20,516 (Gasps) 42 00:02:21,392 --> 00:02:24,645 Two comps for milady and her Gabe. It's closing night. 43 00:02:24,729 --> 00:02:26,248 Tomorrow we have to give the theater over 44 00:02:26,272 --> 00:02:27,708 to the Scranton's miss fitness pageant. 45 00:02:27,732 --> 00:02:31,402 I am so excited, but I just need one. Gabe can't come. Sorry. 46 00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:33,279 Yeah. What? 47 00:02:33,362 --> 00:02:35,781 That's awful. Everyone's gonna miss that guy. 48 00:02:35,865 --> 00:02:38,617 Gabe is not coming, which is huge, 49 00:02:38,701 --> 00:02:40,953 because my plan is to make Erin 50 00:02:41,078 --> 00:02:42,830 fall back in love with me tonight. 51 00:02:43,873 --> 00:02:47,001 Women cannot resist a man singing show tunes. 52 00:02:47,877 --> 00:02:49,837 It's so powerful, even a lot of men 53 00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:52,340 can't resist a man singing show tunes. 54 00:02:52,423 --> 00:02:54,133 Oh, who else is going? Everyone. 55 00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:55,696 Gabe seemed to think no one was going. 56 00:02:56,135 --> 00:02:58,846 What kind of terrible rumormonger is Gabe? 57 00:02:58,929 --> 00:03:01,390 He is woefully ill informed, all right? 58 00:03:01,474 --> 00:03:02,641 Excuse me. 59 00:03:02,892 --> 00:03:04,185 (Mimicking tapping wine glass) 60 00:03:04,268 --> 00:03:07,271 Everybody, you're all coming to my show tonight, right? 61 00:03:07,355 --> 00:03:08,415 Andy, what time's it start? 62 00:03:08,439 --> 00:03:09,439 8:00 pm. Sharp. 63 00:03:09,482 --> 00:03:10,941 How long is it? Hour and 45... 64 00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:12,151 No, I can't make it. 65 00:03:13,402 --> 00:03:15,821 They say that no one can take your pride, 66 00:03:15,905 --> 00:03:19,533 but the people who cast Andy's play, they took mine. 67 00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:21,827 Jim, Pam, you guys are in, right? 68 00:03:21,911 --> 00:03:25,790 Oh, we wanted to, but our sitter just fell through. I'm really sorry. 69 00:03:26,290 --> 00:03:27,792 Dwight? No, thank you. 70 00:03:29,627 --> 00:03:30,961 Last time I went to the theater, 71 00:03:31,087 --> 00:03:33,881 a man dressed as a cat sat on my lap. 72 00:03:35,049 --> 00:03:39,387 It would mean so much to me if you came to my show tonight. 73 00:03:39,470 --> 00:03:41,764 I can't, Andy. It's too hard. 74 00:03:41,847 --> 00:03:43,140 Thafs_. 75 00:03:44,642 --> 00:03:47,162 I put everything I had into that audition. Do you understand that? 76 00:03:47,186 --> 00:03:48,372 If it makes you feel any better, 77 00:03:48,396 --> 00:03:51,899 no one who auditioned for the part of sweeney Todd got that part. 78 00:03:51,982 --> 00:03:53,182 They had to bring in a ringer. 79 00:03:54,402 --> 00:03:57,488 This guy's, like, world class. You should not feel bad. 80 00:03:59,490 --> 00:04:01,575 I'm asking you, thespian to thespian, 81 00:04:01,659 --> 00:04:05,413 will you please be the bigger man and come to my show? 82 00:04:05,496 --> 00:04:08,416 I wish I could, Andy, but I can't. 83 00:04:08,499 --> 00:04:11,001 I have plans that night. 84 00:04:11,085 --> 00:04:14,547 I'm going to see a friend in a play called sweeney Todd. 85 00:04:16,841 --> 00:04:19,343 You're that friend. I'm going to see your play. 86 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,011 (Laughs) 87 00:04:21,679 --> 00:04:22,888 Nice! 88 00:04:22,972 --> 00:04:24,890 And scene. 89 00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:28,018 Listen, I would like you to take me to Andy's play tonight. 90 00:04:28,519 --> 00:04:30,187 Please, waste of time. 91 00:04:30,271 --> 00:04:32,440 You know what? Let's just knock this out right now. 92 00:04:32,523 --> 00:04:33,607 Disrobe. 93 00:04:33,691 --> 00:04:38,112 Angela? Don't like her anymore. Not attracted to her anymore. 94 00:04:38,195 --> 00:04:41,073 Just contractually obligated to make a baby with her. 95 00:04:41,907 --> 00:04:43,325 Give me the punch card. No. 96 00:04:43,409 --> 00:04:44,636 If you want to punch the punch card, 97 00:04:44,660 --> 00:04:45,940 you have to take me to the show. 98 00:04:46,454 --> 00:04:47,746 That is not in the contract. 99 00:04:47,830 --> 00:04:50,124 Well, there's a lot of gray area in that clause. 100 00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:51,625 Do you want to re-mediate? 101 00:04:51,709 --> 00:04:54,920 All right, fine! I'll go to your little show. 102 00:04:55,004 --> 00:04:56,084 But I'm not wearing a cape. 103 00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:57,131 Thank you. 104 00:04:57,214 --> 00:04:59,592 Dwight and I have a contractual agreement 105 00:04:59,675 --> 00:05:02,470 to procreate five times, plain and simple. 106 00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:06,599 And should he develop feelings for me? 107 00:05:06,682 --> 00:05:09,852 Well, that would be permissible under item 70, clause 2, 108 00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:13,314 so I would not object. 109 00:05:13,397 --> 00:05:15,483 Hey. How are those salads? 110 00:05:15,566 --> 00:05:16,567 It's my own fault... 111 00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:20,279 My parents used to scramble to find babysitters 112 00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:22,282 so they could take my little brother to do stuff. 113 00:05:22,364 --> 00:05:23,644 I understand how hard it can be. 114 00:05:24,408 --> 00:05:26,202 I just... tonight, I mean, if you could... 115 00:05:26,285 --> 00:05:27,453 We'll keep looking. 116 00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:28,662 Yes! Really? 117 00:05:28,746 --> 00:05:31,433 I mean, who knows? Maybe I have a niece my family never told me about. 118 00:05:31,457 --> 00:05:33,083 Oh, my gosh, that would be amazing. 119 00:05:33,167 --> 00:05:34,502 Yeah. Foralotofreasons. 120 00:05:34,585 --> 00:05:37,421 Yeah, I know. Niece! 121 00:05:39,215 --> 00:05:40,299 Oh! Hey, guys. 122 00:05:40,382 --> 00:05:42,009 You brought balloons to a play? 123 00:05:42,092 --> 00:05:44,512 I did, because I am being the bigger man, 124 00:05:44,595 --> 00:05:46,180 and balloons are bigger than flowers. 125 00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:47,264 It's nice, like up. 126 00:05:47,348 --> 00:05:48,349 Yes. 127 00:05:48,933 --> 00:05:51,310 Excuse me. Are you the guy that did an entire 128 00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:53,771 law & order episode for his audition? 129 00:05:56,190 --> 00:05:57,274 Nope. 130 00:05:58,484 --> 00:06:00,444 Guys? All: Hey! 131 00:06:00,528 --> 00:06:01,779 Andy! 132 00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:04,073 You all made it. Thank you so much. 133 00:06:04,156 --> 00:06:05,616 You should actually thank Erin. 134 00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,243 She's the one who agreed to babysit. 135 00:06:08,953 --> 00:06:10,162 She's babysitting? 136 00:06:10,246 --> 00:06:14,708 I really wanted to see Andy's play, because he's so, so talented, 137 00:06:14,792 --> 00:06:17,545 but I've been trying to get in the babysitting game forever. 138 00:06:17,628 --> 00:06:21,090 The 13-year-olds in this town have a complete monopoly. 139 00:06:21,173 --> 00:06:23,717 It's almost like a babysitters' club. 140 00:06:23,801 --> 00:06:25,261 I understand. 141 00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:29,682 This is, like, a huge opportunity for her. 142 00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:38,482 This is ridiculous. 143 00:06:39,149 --> 00:06:42,236 You'd think they'd discourage people from bringing in balloons. 144 00:06:42,319 --> 00:06:45,322 Hey, I think this guy playing sweeney Todd is my plumber. 145 00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:49,326 No, Darryl. This guy's a world-class actor. 146 00:06:49,410 --> 00:06:51,245 He doesn't daylight as your plumber. 147 00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:53,747 No, it's my plumber. Says so in his bio. 148 00:06:53,831 --> 00:06:56,268 (Whispering) Apparently, the director discovered him doing karaoke. 149 00:06:56,292 --> 00:06:58,687 It's his first play. He didn't even audition. (Gentle music playing) 150 00:06:58,711 --> 00:07:00,421 Are you kidding me? Shh. 151 00:07:00,504 --> 00:07:01,815 If we don't listen to the overture, 152 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:03,149 we won't recognize the musical themes 153 00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:04,258 when they come back later. 154 00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:05,801 All right, I'm sorry. 155 00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:07,845 God. 156 00:07:08,387 --> 00:07:10,931 (Singing) Attend the tale of sweeney Todd 157 00:07:12,433 --> 00:07:15,311 his skin was pale and his eye was odd 158 00:07:16,145 --> 00:07:17,938 he shaved the faces of gentlemen 159 00:07:18,022 --> 00:07:20,441 who never thereafter were heard of again 160 00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:23,444 he trod a path that few have trod 161 00:07:23,527 --> 00:07:25,362 did sweeney Todd 162 00:07:26,405 --> 00:07:29,241 the demon barber of fleet street 163 00:07:29,533 --> 00:07:31,035 (snoring) 164 00:07:34,246 --> 00:07:36,790 He kept a shop in London town 165 00:07:36,874 --> 00:07:39,585 excuse me, I think you may be in the wrong seats. 166 00:07:42,004 --> 00:07:43,631 What if none of their souls were saved 167 00:07:43,714 --> 00:07:46,800 they went to their maker impeccably shaved 168 00:07:46,884 --> 00:07:48,218 by sweeney 169 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:51,555 by sweeney Todd 170 00:07:52,306 --> 00:07:54,975 the demon barber of fleet street 171 00:07:58,479 --> 00:08:02,399 I feel you 172 00:08:02,483 --> 00:08:05,778 Johanna 173 00:08:05,903 --> 00:08:10,282 I feel you 174 00:08:10,366 --> 00:08:12,660 I was half convinced I waited 175 00:08:12,743 --> 00:08:14,328 (whispers) I work with that guy. 176 00:08:14,411 --> 00:08:18,082 Satisfied enough to dream you 177 00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:21,585 happily I was mistaken 178 00:08:21,669 --> 00:08:24,630 Johanna 179 00:08:26,256 --> 00:08:29,760 (whispering) Oh! There's gum on the seat, and now it's on my work skirt. 180 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,553 I have to go change. 181 00:08:31,637 --> 00:08:34,181 Too bad I'm not gonna explain anything that you miss. 182 00:08:34,264 --> 00:08:36,058 Oh, Dwight, just move. 183 00:08:37,643 --> 00:08:41,230 Do they think that walls can hide you? 184 00:08:42,231 --> 00:08:45,359 His name's Andy. He's a terrible salesman. 185 00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:48,987 I am in the dark beside you 186 00:08:50,948 --> 00:08:52,783 (whispers) What time is it? 187 00:09:00,416 --> 00:09:01,625 Michael! 188 00:09:02,459 --> 00:09:03,728 Shelby Thomas weems, the director. 189 00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:04,878 Hello. 190 00:09:04,962 --> 00:09:07,965 I promise you that if you keep auditioning 191 00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:09,717 with a similar gusto... okay. 192 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:13,595 We are going to find a production with a role for Michael Scott. 193 00:09:13,679 --> 00:09:14,805 Yes? Okay. 194 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:15,889 Good. Yes. 195 00:09:15,973 --> 00:09:17,224 Good. Enjoy the second act. 196 00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:18,618 You enjoy the second act. Have a refreshment. 197 00:09:18,642 --> 00:09:19,977 Thank you. You, too. 198 00:09:20,436 --> 00:09:22,187 Thank you, thank you. 199 00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:26,191 Come on, Dwight. 200 00:09:26,650 --> 00:09:28,652 Why are you dressed like a seed catalog model? 201 00:09:29,361 --> 00:09:32,448 These are just my dirty old gardening clothes. 202 00:09:32,531 --> 00:09:34,199 They were all that I had in my car. 203 00:09:34,283 --> 00:09:35,534 Let's go. 204 00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:42,416 Hey, Erin, it's Pam. Hey, how you doing... 205 00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:45,019 No, no, don't put Cece on the phone, because she can't talk yet. 206 00:09:45,878 --> 00:09:49,339 Okay. No, I was just calling to see how everything's going. 207 00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:51,216 Yeah? Yeah? It's good? 208 00:09:52,176 --> 00:09:54,678 The play? The play is kind of great. 209 00:09:54,762 --> 00:09:58,974 I mean, it's fun to hear Andy sing in the appropriate setting. 210 00:09:59,057 --> 00:10:02,227 No, he's really sorry you couldn't make it, too. 211 00:10:02,311 --> 00:10:06,148 Yeah. So thank you so much again. We're having a great time. 212 00:10:06,231 --> 00:10:08,901 Oh, they're flashing the lights, so we should go in. 213 00:10:08,984 --> 00:10:10,360 Thanks.bye. 214 00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:12,797 Okay, so we called, and everything's fine. 215 00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:14,031 Everything's fine. 216 00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,115 We can relax. 217 00:10:15,199 --> 00:10:16,784 We can relax. Let's get our sweeney on. 218 00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:20,329 (Singing) Then I go walking with you-hoo 219 00:10:20,412 --> 00:10:21,955 you-hoo 220 00:10:22,039 --> 00:10:25,334 I warm me bones on the esplanade 221 00:10:25,417 --> 00:10:28,378 have tea and scones with me gay young blade 222 00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:29,463 (whispers) Hey, Michael! 223 00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:32,216 I'll knit a sweater while you write a letter 224 00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:35,886 unless we've got better to do-hoo 225 00:10:36,470 --> 00:10:38,096 anything you say 226 00:10:38,514 --> 00:10:42,142 think how snug it'll be underneath our flannel 227 00:10:42,226 --> 00:10:45,562 when it's just you and me and the English channel 228 00:10:45,646 --> 00:10:48,982 in our cozy retreat kept all neat and tidy 229 00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:51,902 we 'ii have chums over ev'ry Friday 230 00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:53,487 by the sea 231 00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:54,655 anything you say 232 00:10:54,738 --> 00:10:58,116 don't you love the weather 233 00:10:58,909 --> 00:11:00,494 just checking my e-mails. 234 00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:04,081 See if I got any last-minute "break-a-legs" 235 00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:06,416 or "i-still-love-you" type texts. 236 00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:13,257 Doesn't look like I got anything. Maybe on my Facebook wall. 237 00:11:19,263 --> 00:11:21,807 Unfortunately, in this ham-fisted production of sweeney Todd, 238 00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:24,560 the real terror comes from the vocal performances. 239 00:11:24,643 --> 00:11:25,853 New paragraph. 240 00:11:25,936 --> 00:11:28,730 Mr. Todd! Mr. Todd! I found her! 241 00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:31,775 You found Johanna. 242 00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:34,444 That monster of a judge has locked her... 243 00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:37,239 (Musical tone playing on cell phone) 244 00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:39,992 Locked her away... 245 00:11:40,075 --> 00:11:41,451 (Musical tone continues playing) 246 00:11:44,121 --> 00:11:49,793 There's a little bird fluttering around. Do hope it ceases chirping. 247 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:51,378 (All laughing) 248 00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:53,380 How is that funny? 249 00:11:53,463 --> 00:11:57,509 The bird continues to call. Someone please turn off your bird. 250 00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,279 (Musical tone continues playing) (Audience laughs) 251 00:11:59,303 --> 00:12:02,556 Oh, for the love... turn your phone off! There are signs! 252 00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:03,765 Oh! 253 00:12:04,766 --> 00:12:08,478 It appears the bird was in mine own pocket this whole time. 254 00:12:08,562 --> 00:12:11,148 He's gone to sleep now. I closed his beak. 255 00:12:12,316 --> 00:12:13,650 (Laughing) 256 00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:16,403 What is the news of my darling daughter Johanna? 257 00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:17,821 (Musical tone plays on cell phone) 258 00:12:17,905 --> 00:12:20,198 You know what? Let me just double check. 259 00:12:20,282 --> 00:12:22,534 Make sure that bird... 260 00:12:24,036 --> 00:12:26,496 Okay, good. It's off. 261 00:12:27,289 --> 00:12:30,918 I mean, silenced. I silenced it by killing it. 262 00:12:31,001 --> 00:12:34,755 I've killed it! I'm a murderer! Just like you, sweeney Todd! 263 00:12:34,838 --> 00:12:36,340 See? It all connects. 264 00:12:38,508 --> 00:12:40,093 Not that I know you're a murderer. 265 00:12:40,177 --> 00:12:41,720 My character doesn't know that yet. 266 00:12:43,639 --> 00:12:48,685 But I'm suspicious, because of all the razors that you have laying around. 267 00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:50,489 (Laughs nervously) And you spend time alone, 268 00:12:51,647 --> 00:12:53,357 but you're a barber, so that's legit. 269 00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:55,859 So there's that. 270 00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:57,069 But... 271 00:12:57,152 --> 00:12:58,472 (Shouts angrily) Where is Johanna? 272 00:12:58,528 --> 00:12:59,655 A madhouse. A madhouse? 273 00:12:59,738 --> 00:13:01,740 Yes, a madhouse. 274 00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:03,200 A madhouse? 275 00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:04,993 Johanna is as good as rescued. 276 00:13:05,077 --> 00:13:06,745 Where do you suppose all the wig makers 277 00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:09,623 of London go to obtain their human hair? (Bottle clattering) 278 00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:11,249 Do you think... (Clattering continues) 279 00:13:12,626 --> 00:13:14,169 So you think... (Clattering continues) 280 00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,139 So you think... Fogg's asylum, why not? 281 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:27,891 (Screams) 282 00:13:29,059 --> 00:13:30,143 (Baby crying) 283 00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:33,355 Sounds like Cece. 284 00:13:33,438 --> 00:13:35,774 Okay, I think everybody just needs to relax. 285 00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:36,857 Oh, my god. Go, go. 286 00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:38,026 Oh, my god. 287 00:13:43,281 --> 00:13:44,491 (Cece continues crying) 288 00:13:45,117 --> 00:13:49,413 That's really irresponsible of Erin. She's a terrible babysitter. 289 00:13:52,958 --> 00:13:54,835 I just didn't think you guys were gonna see us. 290 00:13:54,918 --> 00:13:56,896 We were just gonna stop by and then get some ice cream 291 00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:57,963 and then go home. 292 00:13:58,672 --> 00:14:00,072 Okay, this was pretty simple. Right? 293 00:14:00,132 --> 00:14:01,174 Why are you here? 294 00:14:01,258 --> 00:14:03,051 All you had to do was play with her 295 00:14:03,135 --> 00:14:04,935 for, like, 30 minutes and then put her to bed. 296 00:14:05,012 --> 00:14:06,990 Then we were kind of hoping that you wouldn't touch her again. 297 00:14:07,014 --> 00:14:08,807 Babies shouldn't have ice cream, by the way. 298 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:12,352 I'm sorry. I just... I really wanted to see Andy. 299 00:14:12,436 --> 00:14:13,871 You guys made it sound so UN-missable, 300 00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:15,981 and you set me up with a car seat and everything. 301 00:14:16,064 --> 00:14:18,608 Well, the car seat was to take her to the hospital or... 302 00:14:19,151 --> 00:14:20,944 But why would I take her to the hospital? 303 00:14:21,570 --> 00:14:24,031 You know what, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. 304 00:14:24,114 --> 00:14:26,700 Why don't I just take her home, and let you guys finish, 305 00:14:26,783 --> 00:14:28,703 and then you should stay out as late as you want. 306 00:14:28,744 --> 00:14:30,579 No, we're good. Thank you, though. 307 00:14:30,662 --> 00:14:31,788 Yeah. Thanks. 308 00:14:31,872 --> 00:14:33,957 Okay. All right, bye, Cece. 309 00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:36,376 Okay. All right. 310 00:14:37,127 --> 00:14:38,229 Well, we're never leaving the house again. 311 00:14:38,253 --> 00:14:39,296 Not together. 312 00:14:51,141 --> 00:14:53,185 (All cheering) 313 00:14:58,648 --> 00:15:00,400 (Booing) 314 00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:09,242 That was more horrifying than nunsense. 315 00:15:09,326 --> 00:15:10,511 All that singing got in the way 316 00:15:10,535 --> 00:15:12,704 of some perfectly good murders. 317 00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:15,499 Where's my car? 318 00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:25,842 Come on. 319 00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:30,764 Mmm! Fruit is so much better when it's dried. 320 00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:32,557 I've already eaten, like, 30 apricots. 321 00:15:32,641 --> 00:15:33,642 Darryl? 322 00:15:34,810 --> 00:15:36,186 Didn't know you were gonna be here. 323 00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:37,854 How's the toilet? Silent. 324 00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:39,606 Look, congraunafions. Thank you. 325 00:15:39,689 --> 00:15:43,235 I had no idea. This plumber has pipes. 326 00:15:43,318 --> 00:15:45,487 Yeah, good job. Well done. 327 00:15:46,029 --> 00:15:47,197 You're the guy who booed me. 328 00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:48,865 Mmm-mmm. 329 00:15:49,658 --> 00:15:52,285 No, there were a lot of people booing you. I wasn't one of them. 330 00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:54,955 No, I saw you, and you were the only one. 331 00:15:55,497 --> 00:15:56,957 Get your eyes checked, chucklehead. 332 00:15:57,040 --> 00:16:00,293 Be cool, Michael. I saw this guy kill a bunch of people. 333 00:16:00,377 --> 00:16:02,212 Good work. Thank you. 334 00:16:05,715 --> 00:16:06,795 You didn't have to boo him. 335 00:16:06,842 --> 00:16:08,718 He was getting a lot of applause, 336 00:16:08,802 --> 00:16:10,428 and I just didn't think it was indicative 337 00:16:10,512 --> 00:16:11,832 of how people were really feeling. 338 00:16:11,888 --> 00:16:13,241 How would you like it if we booed you? 339 00:16:13,265 --> 00:16:15,183 That would never happen. (Booing) 340 00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:16,476 Okay. 341 00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:18,145 I appreciate the feedback. 342 00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:19,604 (Continues booing) 343 00:16:21,273 --> 00:16:23,358 I don't like that at all. 344 00:16:25,110 --> 00:16:26,611 Are you ready? 345 00:16:26,695 --> 00:16:27,821 Yes. 346 00:16:27,904 --> 00:16:30,574 I'm so scared! Okay, kill me! Just kill me! Kill me! 347 00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:32,075 (Both yelling) 348 00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:33,410 (Laughing) 349 00:16:33,535 --> 00:16:35,453 Blood everywhere. Oh, no. 350 00:16:36,705 --> 00:16:38,748 I'm so glad we're hanging out again outside of work. 351 00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:40,083 Yeah, me, too. 352 00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:42,669 Okay, I kill you now. 353 00:16:42,752 --> 00:16:43,753 Okay. 354 00:16:44,171 --> 00:16:45,255 All right. 355 00:16:45,714 --> 00:16:47,799 All right, let's do this. 356 00:16:47,883 --> 00:16:50,760 You know, actually, Dwight, I didn't realize how far this walk was, 357 00:16:50,844 --> 00:16:52,095 and I'm exhausted. 358 00:16:52,179 --> 00:16:53,346 It's okay, I smell. 359 00:16:53,430 --> 00:16:55,765 No. No, no, no. I think I just want to go home, 360 00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:58,435 but it's okay. This can count as one of your times. 361 00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:00,770 No, no, no. Contractually, we're obligated to have sex. 362 00:17:01,396 --> 00:17:02,582 Well, I won't tell if you don't. 363 00:17:02,606 --> 00:17:04,441 I will tell. I will tell the mediator. 364 00:17:07,819 --> 00:17:09,946 What... What are you... oh, okay. 365 00:17:10,739 --> 00:17:13,241 Oh, was that in the way? Get rid of it. Oh! 366 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,119 Good night, Dwight. 367 00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,085 Good night. 368 00:17:27,005 --> 00:17:30,300 These would have been your seats. Best seats in the house. 369 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:33,553 Lot of people think it would be the front row, but, actually, right here, 370 00:17:33,637 --> 00:17:36,139 this is where the speakers converge 371 00:17:36,223 --> 00:17:39,017 and the sound just, like, nails you right here. 372 00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:40,685 This is awesome. 373 00:17:40,769 --> 00:17:41,978 Oh. (Cell phone ringing) 374 00:17:42,062 --> 00:17:43,230 Sorry. Oh. Oh. 375 00:17:43,647 --> 00:17:44,689 Hi, Gabe. 376 00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:49,736 Yeah, I just stopped by Andy's cast party to say hi to everyone. 377 00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:53,031 Sure, I can pick you up some soup. What do you want? 378 00:17:53,114 --> 00:17:54,824 That's broth, Gabe. 379 00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:57,619 Okay, I'll see you soup. 380 00:17:58,495 --> 00:18:00,914 Okay, I have to go. Thank you so much. 381 00:18:00,997 --> 00:18:03,750 This was so much fun, and I'm really sorry that I missed your play, 382 00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:05,919 but next time, I'll be there. 383 00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:07,921 Or here. Right here, I promise. 384 00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:09,506 Okay. Awesome. 385 00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:11,132 See you later. 386 00:18:11,216 --> 00:18:12,550 Thank you. 387 00:18:18,473 --> 00:18:19,766 (Exhales) 388 00:18:19,975 --> 00:18:20,976 (Cece crying) 389 00:18:21,059 --> 00:18:23,311 (Whispering) It's like the hurt locker. 390 00:18:23,395 --> 00:18:24,688 This night was a disaster. 391 00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:26,940 No, it was not a disaster. 392 00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:29,025 It was weird, but it wasn't a disaster. 393 00:18:29,985 --> 00:18:33,363 I think we have, like, a gift bottle of Irish cream. 394 00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,198 Yeah? We could put that in orange juice. 395 00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:36,408 Getn. Yeah? 396 00:18:36,491 --> 00:18:38,410 Yeah. Let's get ourjuice on. 397 00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:40,078 (Exclaiming) 398 00:18:41,830 --> 00:18:43,164 Phyllis: Found him. 399 00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:47,168 Hey, what's going on here? Post-show blues? 400 00:18:47,252 --> 00:18:48,712 Yeah, I guess you could say that. 401 00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,797 Yeah, I get those every day after work. 402 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,299 Your show was really great, Andy. 403 00:18:52,382 --> 00:18:55,552 Interesting subject matter. I'm surprised you pulled it off. 404 00:18:56,553 --> 00:18:57,804 It was like amateur hour. 405 00:18:57,887 --> 00:18:59,527 It was an amateur production, technically. 406 00:18:59,556 --> 00:19:03,727 Oscar, enough with the sass, please! God! What is wrong with you? 407 00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,395 Andy, listen to me. 408 00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:06,855 Look me in the eye. 409 00:19:07,397 --> 00:19:08,690 I thought that you were awesome. 410 00:19:08,773 --> 00:19:09,816 Stop just saying that. 411 00:19:09,899 --> 00:19:11,318 I am not just saying that. 412 00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:13,361 You can trust that I am telling you the truth. 413 00:19:13,445 --> 00:19:16,448 I booed someone tonight. I have no filter. 414 00:19:16,531 --> 00:19:18,867 And if I thought you were terrible, I would have booed. 415 00:19:18,950 --> 00:19:20,702 And if I thought you had done a betterjob, 416 00:19:20,785 --> 00:19:23,496 I would be saying nicer things right now. 417 00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:26,458 But I thought that you were exactly awesome. 418 00:19:26,541 --> 00:19:28,293 No better, no worse. 419 00:19:30,211 --> 00:19:31,338 Thank you. That feels good. 420 00:19:31,421 --> 00:19:35,884 I did not say that to make you feel good. I just said it. 421 00:19:35,967 --> 00:19:37,552 Total integrity. 422 00:19:37,635 --> 00:19:39,262 Darryl: Andy, sing us another song. 423 00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:41,097 Thanks, but I feel like a loner right now. 424 00:19:41,181 --> 00:19:42,575 Come on, Andy. You were the highlight. 425 00:19:42,599 --> 00:19:43,892 Come on, Andy, seriously. 426 00:19:43,975 --> 00:19:45,143 Andy! Andy! 427 00:19:45,226 --> 00:19:46,311 All: (Chanting) Andy! 428 00:19:46,394 --> 00:19:48,438 Andy! Andy! 429 00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,023 Okay, all right. 430 00:19:50,106 --> 00:19:53,693 (Singing) I try to say goodbye and I choke 431 00:19:53,777 --> 00:19:56,363 try to walk away and I stumble 432 00:19:56,446 --> 00:19:58,698 though I try to hide it it's clear 433 00:19:58,782 --> 00:20:01,659 my world crumbles when you are not here 434 00:20:02,243 --> 00:20:07,540 I play it off but I'm dreaming of you 435 00:20:07,624 --> 00:20:10,919 I keep my cool but I'm fiending 436 00:20:11,002 --> 00:20:14,047 all: (Singing) I try to say goodbye and I choke 437 00:20:14,464 --> 00:20:17,133 try to walk away and I stumble 438 00:20:17,217 --> 00:20:19,886 though I try to hide it it's clear 439 00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:23,556 my world crumbles when you are not near 440 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,934 my world 441 00:20:26,017 --> 00:20:27,560 it crumbles 442 00:20:27,644 --> 00:20:31,564 when you are not here 443 00:20:36,861 --> 00:20:38,571 (All cheering) 444 00:20:46,788 --> 00:20:48,331 In the criminal justice system, 445 00:20:48,415 --> 00:20:52,419 the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups, 446 00:20:52,502 --> 00:20:53,979 the police who investigate the crimes, 447 00:20:54,003 --> 00:20:56,673 and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders. 448 00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:58,049 These are their stories. 449 00:20:58,174 --> 00:20:59,509 (Exclaiming) 450 00:21:00,051 --> 00:21:01,636 (Mimicking vacuum whirring) 451 00:21:01,719 --> 00:21:04,097 (In high-pitched voice) I'm just a cleaning lady. 452 00:21:04,222 --> 00:21:06,141 (Screams) A dead body! 453 00:21:06,516 --> 00:21:08,911 (In authoritative voice) He wrapped his belt around his own neck. 454 00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:12,105 It looks like a classic case of autoerotic asphyxiation. 455 00:21:12,188 --> 00:21:15,442 Yeah, looks like everybody's tightening their belts in this economy. 456 00:21:15,525 --> 00:21:17,444 (Humming law & order theme) 457 00:21:19,028 --> 00:21:21,614 Last time you saw the victim, was he happy? 458 00:21:21,698 --> 00:21:25,285 Last time I saw this John he was... 459 00:21:25,368 --> 00:21:27,346 He wasn't a victim, if you know what I'm talking about. 460 00:21:27,370 --> 00:21:28,621 Director: Thank you. No! 461 00:21:28,705 --> 00:21:31,065 That was just part... I was just getting into the first act.