1
00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:10,928
Twenty minutes a day, Jim.
That's all it takes.

2
00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:13,639
Twenty minutes a day,
all feet, no hands,

3
00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:15,516
andlllhave
the pedidexterity of a chimp,

4
00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:17,977
and you'll be sitting
there like an idiot.

5
00:00:18,394 --> 00:00:20,646
Okay, here we go. Yes.

6
00:00:21,314 --> 00:00:22,773
Do you mind? I'm sorry, Pam.

7
00:00:23,191 --> 00:00:25,109
Allow me to write
you an apology letter.

8
00:00:26,027 --> 00:00:27,737
You don't have to do that.

9
00:00:34,493 --> 00:00:37,496
(Whistling) Backspace, a_.Dean_

10
00:00:42,210 --> 00:00:43,461
Thank you, hands.

11
00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:45,963
Nothing else in the universe
can do what you do.

12
00:00:52,887 --> 00:00:53,888
(Grunting)

13
00:00:54,138 --> 00:00:57,391
Don't worry about it. Dwight,
it's okay. You were wrong.

14
00:00:57,767 --> 00:00:58,768
It's so hot.

15
00:01:01,312 --> 00:01:02,313
(Screaming)

16
00:01:07,276 --> 00:01:09,028
Well, "a" for effort, right?

17
00:01:10,238 --> 00:01:11,239
(Dwight sighs)

18
00:01:25,044 --> 00:01:27,171
Welcome.
Start your morning right

19
00:01:27,338 --> 00:01:29,423
with a burst of
blueberry or try plain.

20
00:01:29,507 --> 00:01:30,508
What's the occasion?

21
00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:32,927
Dwight said this entry
was a waste of space.

22
00:01:33,010 --> 00:01:37,014
I would like UN muffin
du blueberry, por favor.

23
00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:39,767
$8?

24
00:01:40,184 --> 00:01:42,979
Owning a building is a war
between the landlord and the tenant.

25
00:01:43,062 --> 00:01:44,897
Not a literal war,
unfortunately,

26
00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:46,857
but I am using the same tactics.

27
00:01:47,108 --> 00:01:50,987
I've surrounded the enemy,
and I'm slowly starving them.

28
00:01:51,070 --> 00:01:53,197
To save on electricity,
I have installed a timer

29
00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:55,408
and motion
sensors on the lights.

30
00:01:55,491 --> 00:01:59,495
It's part of my green initiative.
And by green, I mean money.

31
00:02:01,372 --> 00:02:02,415
Mmm-hmm.

32
00:02:02,498 --> 00:02:04,542
China. China.

33
00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:06,043
Michael, how was the dentist?

34
00:02:06,919 --> 00:02:07,962
It was great.

35
00:02:08,212 --> 00:02:09,255
China.

36
00:02:09,964 --> 00:02:11,044
Are you okay? What's wrong?

37
00:02:11,549 --> 00:02:13,134
Everything here was
made in China, Pam.

38
00:02:13,217 --> 00:02:14,528
Yeah, that's where
they make stuff.

39
00:02:14,552 --> 00:02:17,555
They used to make stuff in america,
Andy, but we're falling behind.

40
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:18,639
Did you know that?

41
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:22,393
China is a sleeping dragon
that is just beginning to stir.

42
00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:23,728
Oh, no. Yeah.

43
00:02:23,894 --> 00:02:26,272
Right here. It is right there.

44
00:02:27,773 --> 00:02:29,150
Anybody read the news anymore?

45
00:02:30,860 --> 00:02:32,111
"China is on the move."

46
00:02:32,194 --> 00:02:34,655
I found that in the waiting
room at the dentist's office.

47
00:02:34,739 --> 00:02:36,657
This kid had
the magazine I wanted to read.

48
00:02:36,741 --> 00:02:38,242
That's the only
one I could reach,

49
00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:39,910
and I read it and
then I read it again.

50
00:02:40,036 --> 00:02:43,331
My whole life I believed
that america was number one.

51
00:02:43,414 --> 00:02:44,665
That was the saying.

52
00:02:44,749 --> 00:02:48,085
Not america's number two.
England is number two.

53
00:02:48,169 --> 00:02:51,589
China should be, like, eight.

54
00:02:52,590 --> 00:02:53,591
Hey, Andy.

55
00:02:53,924 --> 00:02:55,009
Hey, Darryl.

56
00:02:55,384 --> 00:02:57,178
You gotta stop
texting me so much.

57
00:02:57,261 --> 00:02:58,262
(Scoffs)

58
00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:01,742
But I wanted you to know that Michael
and I are wearing the same tie today.

59
00:03:01,766 --> 00:03:02,767
Itsinsane.

60
00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:06,062
You need to change your
standard for what's worthy of a text.

61
00:03:06,145 --> 00:03:09,398
Ask yourself, "is this something
Darryl needs to know?"

62
00:03:09,482 --> 00:03:11,192
The answer's almost always "no."

63
00:03:11,776 --> 00:03:13,402
Got it. Then, I will call you.

64
00:03:14,904 --> 00:03:17,365
There was a time when the
only people who texted you

65
00:03:17,448 --> 00:03:20,659
were people you
wanted to text you. Girls.

66
00:03:20,743 --> 00:03:23,954
And they'd all say the same
thing. "I'm coming over, baby."

67
00:03:24,038 --> 00:03:28,834
And I would text back. B-t-b.
"Bring that Booty."

68
00:03:30,002 --> 00:03:33,964
Dwight. Why is the toilet
paper only half a ply?

69
00:03:34,382 --> 00:03:36,842
I'm sorry. Is that not good
enough for your anus?

70
00:03:38,427 --> 00:03:40,888
Don't get me started on how
coddled the modern anus is.

71
00:03:40,971 --> 00:03:42,431
Okay, Stanley,

72
00:03:42,515 --> 00:03:45,035
maybe you can just unspool a
little more each time you need to...

73
00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:46,977
Don't tell me how
to do my business.

74
00:03:47,603 --> 00:03:51,649
Stanley, as a fellow dunder
Mifflin employee, I feel for you,

75
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:54,402
but, like you,
I am completely powerless

76
00:03:54,485 --> 00:03:55,712
to the whims of
the new building owner.

77
00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:56,737
Which is you.

78
00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:58,489
"Which is you"
is not a sentence.

79
00:03:58,656 --> 00:03:59,949
I disagree with.

80
00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:01,802
Are you gonna just sit there,
office administrator,

81
00:04:01,826 --> 00:04:03,494
or are you gonna do something?

82
00:04:05,663 --> 00:04:07,957
Dwight, can we talk
about these out backs?

83
00:04:08,207 --> 00:04:11,419
Pam, when I'm sitting at
this desk, I'm a salesman.

84
00:04:11,502 --> 00:04:13,105
If you wanna talk to
the new building owner,

85
00:04:13,129 --> 00:04:15,049
you should call Nate
and schedule an appointment.

86
00:04:15,297 --> 00:04:16,757
I'm not gonna do that.

87
00:04:16,841 --> 00:04:18,944
Well, then you're not going to
talk to the new building owner,

88
00:04:18,968 --> 00:04:19,968
which is a shame,

89
00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:21,679
because I hear he's
a very reasonable guy.

90
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,013
(Dialing)

91
00:04:23,264 --> 00:04:24,265
(Phone ringing)

92
00:04:24,348 --> 00:04:26,267
Y'ello?
Hi, Nate. It's Pam Halpert.

93
00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:27,350
Oh, hey, Pam.

94
00:04:27,393 --> 00:04:30,271
Hey, I would just love to schedule
a meeting today with Dwight.

95
00:04:30,396 --> 00:04:32,815
Let me put you on hold
just for one eensy second.

96
00:04:33,107 --> 00:04:34,233
Sure.

97
00:04:34,525 --> 00:04:35,609
(Cell phone ringing)

98
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:38,696
Dwight schrute.

99
00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:39,947
Mmm-hmm.

100
00:04:40,865 --> 00:04:41,949
Tell her I'm busy.

101
00:04:43,159 --> 00:04:44,439
I don't know. Make something up.

102
00:04:45,828 --> 00:04:48,581
Nate: Hey, Pam, Dwight's
being questioned by the police

103
00:04:48,664 --> 00:04:52,543
in connection with a string of
dognappings that have been...

104
00:04:53,127 --> 00:04:54,128
Dwight.

105
00:04:55,463 --> 00:04:58,466
Dwight, can you please tell
the new building owner

106
00:04:58,549 --> 00:05:00,926
that he is screwing over
all the people he works with.

107
00:05:01,010 --> 00:05:03,679
People he's worked
with for years, his friends.

108
00:05:04,889 --> 00:05:06,974
You know what, Pam?
You're right.

109
00:05:08,851 --> 00:05:09,977
This isn'tjust a business,

110
00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:12,980
this is a home.

111
00:05:13,063 --> 00:05:15,149
And I would much rather see
a smile from Kevin

112
00:05:15,232 --> 00:05:17,902
than save hundreds
on plumbing and electricity.

113
00:05:20,237 --> 00:05:21,238
Erin: Oh, my god.

114
00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:22,363
What?

115
00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:25,326
According to the Internet, the
tallest man in the world is Chinese.

116
00:05:25,618 --> 00:05:27,411
So much for keeping
our secrets up high.

117
00:05:27,745 --> 00:05:28,746
What's america gonna do?

118
00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:31,514
I know what we're gonna do.
We're gonna put our best minds on it.

119
00:05:33,751 --> 00:05:35,544
Everybody, stop working.

120
00:05:36,629 --> 00:05:38,506
I want you all
to imagine a world

121
00:05:38,589 --> 00:05:40,758
in which america is not
the number one superpower,

122
00:05:41,926 --> 00:05:43,427
where forks are irrelevant,

123
00:05:44,386 --> 00:05:46,388
and where every man,
woman and child

124
00:05:46,931 --> 00:05:49,225
is expected to learn
how to play the cello.

125
00:05:50,434 --> 00:05:51,434
Now, open your eyes.

126
00:05:51,477 --> 00:05:52,853
You never told us to close them.

127
00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:54,396
Welcome to your future.

128
00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:56,065
What do we do?
How do we stop this?

129
00:05:56,357 --> 00:05:59,485
How do we stop it?
With a big idea.

130
00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:02,154
That's what america is built on.

131
00:06:02,238 --> 00:06:05,824
Big ideas,
blue jeans, the Grand Canyon.

132
00:06:05,908 --> 00:06:07,826
Who's got one?
Who's got a big idea?

133
00:06:07,910 --> 00:06:09,453
An idea bigger
than the Grand Canyon?

134
00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:11,205
Michael: Yes, indeed.

135
00:06:12,289 --> 00:06:13,290
Yes, Kevin.

136
00:06:13,624 --> 00:06:17,378
An antacid that you
only take once a week.

137
00:06:18,379 --> 00:06:22,675
Once-a-week antacid is the
idea to beat. Anyone else?

138
00:06:23,467 --> 00:06:24,635
Nobody?

139
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:25,719
Okay, then, we are...

140
00:06:25,803 --> 00:06:26,803
Michael. Yes.

141
00:06:26,845 --> 00:06:31,392
An antacid pill that you
take once every six weeks.

142
00:06:31,475 --> 00:06:33,143
Why not just go
one for the year?

143
00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:34,228
I don't know.

144
00:06:34,311 --> 00:06:36,289
It's too big a pill to
swallow. Michael: All right.

145
00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:39,191
What if we all get together
and help each other,

146
00:06:39,275 --> 00:06:41,360
and hire a new guy
and then we all kill him,

147
00:06:41,443 --> 00:06:44,446
but first we take out, like, a
$100,000 life insurance policy?

148
00:06:44,530 --> 00:06:46,323
I bet you guys like
that idea, don't you?

149
00:06:47,700 --> 00:06:49,260
I think that's what
they're doing to me.

150
00:06:49,326 --> 00:06:52,746
I can't prove it, but I wanted
to see their faces when I said it.

151
00:06:52,830 --> 00:06:54,123
I learned nothing.

152
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:56,625
I don't know
what the (bleep) That was.

153
00:06:56,709 --> 00:06:57,710
I say we bomb 'em.

154
00:06:57,835 --> 00:07:00,045
By 2020, they're gonna be
the world's largest economy,

155
00:07:00,129 --> 00:07:03,007
and they're getting a taste
for protein. We'll all starve.

156
00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:04,609
Yeah, Dwight's right,
we should drop the bomb.

157
00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:05,944
Michael: No, he's not right.
We're not...

158
00:07:05,968 --> 00:07:07,678
Where would we
even drop it, Phyllis?

159
00:07:08,137 --> 00:07:12,308
Did you know that in China there
are 56 cities with over a million people?

160
00:07:12,391 --> 00:07:14,226
You know how many
we have here? Nine.

161
00:07:14,310 --> 00:07:15,769
(Gasps)
Actually, that's not true.

162
00:07:15,853 --> 00:07:17,521
I know the figure
you're referring to,

163
00:07:17,688 --> 00:07:19,368
and it's a projection
of 15 years from now.

164
00:07:19,398 --> 00:07:20,441
Kevin: Thank god.

165
00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:22,026
No. No, that is right now.

166
00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:25,362
Michael, China's agrarian.
Urbanizing fast? You betcha.

167
00:07:25,446 --> 00:07:26,447
But still agrarian.

168
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,949
Most in terms of land,
not population.

169
00:07:29,033 --> 00:07:30,313
Come on,
Michael, you couldn't...

170
00:07:30,409 --> 00:07:31,689
No! No, you're wrong about this.

171
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,139
Where are you
getting this information?

172
00:07:34,163 --> 00:07:35,789
I got it from newyorktimes.Com.

173
00:07:35,873 --> 00:07:36,915
Uh-oh.

174
00:07:36,999 --> 00:07:38,959
Getting nervous, Oscar?

175
00:07:39,043 --> 00:07:40,169
Okay, someone look it up.

176
00:07:40,294 --> 00:07:41,462
I'm on it, Jim. I'm on it.

177
00:07:41,545 --> 00:07:42,963
Guys, it's not worth it. Really.

178
00:07:43,047 --> 00:07:45,025
(Cell phone chimes)
Guys, this is not worth our time.

179
00:07:45,049 --> 00:07:46,925
"Are you watching this?"
Seriously?

180
00:07:47,718 --> 00:07:48,719
Well, are you?

181
00:07:48,886 --> 00:07:50,095
I'm sitting right here.

182
00:07:50,554 --> 00:07:51,722
Darryl: Got it.

183
00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:55,517
China has 56 cities with a
population of over one million.

184
00:07:55,601 --> 00:07:58,520
The us. Has nine.

185
00:07:59,021 --> 00:08:00,981
Suck it, Oscar.

186
00:08:01,065 --> 00:08:03,084
Well, on the plus side,
all this worrying about China

187
00:08:03,108 --> 00:08:04,818
has made you smarter
than Oscar, Michael.

188
00:08:05,069 --> 00:08:06,236
Great, I was wrong.

189
00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:07,863
I'm wrong. Is everyone happy?

190
00:08:07,946 --> 00:08:08,947
(All laughing)

191
00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:11,950
So, I happen to know more
than the smartest guy in the office.

192
00:08:12,034 --> 00:08:15,412
So what? (Laughing)
I don't care.

193
00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:18,749
Okay, now, where were we
before I bested Oscar?

194
00:08:21,377 --> 00:08:23,754
Wow, so this
building can get uglier.

195
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:26,840
I will not work in
a roach billboard.

196
00:08:26,924 --> 00:08:28,926
Oh, my god.
I can't look at roaches.

197
00:08:29,259 --> 00:08:30,803
Michael,
do something about this.

198
00:08:30,886 --> 00:08:33,263
Absolutely.
Pam, this is exactly why

199
00:08:33,347 --> 00:08:34,890
I hired you as
office administrator.

200
00:08:34,973 --> 00:08:35,974
Handle it.

201
00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:37,434
Taking care of business.

202
00:08:39,144 --> 00:08:40,312
Dwight, take it down.

203
00:08:40,604 --> 00:08:41,730
(Sniggering)

204
00:08:42,398 --> 00:08:44,441
I'm serious.
Take it down or else.

205
00:08:44,733 --> 00:08:47,236
Or else. Or else what?
There's nothing you can do.

206
00:08:48,821 --> 00:08:50,072
We can move out.

207
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,204
Ugh.

208
00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:58,288
Really?

209
00:08:58,956 --> 00:08:59,957
(Grunting)

210
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:09,466
So, does anyone wanna know
where I've been for the last two hours?

211
00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:12,052
Oh, my god, I've been playing
zombie soccer for two hours?

212
00:09:12,136 --> 00:09:15,097
I went out to look for
a better office space.

213
00:09:15,347 --> 00:09:16,765
Waste of time. Not really,

214
00:09:17,141 --> 00:09:18,350
because I found one.

215
00:09:19,977 --> 00:09:20,978
Jim: Oh, wow.

216
00:09:21,145 --> 00:09:22,145
These are nice.

217
00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:23,188
Let me see.

218
00:09:24,648 --> 00:09:26,126
Look at the huge offices, Jim.
Yeah, I know.

219
00:09:26,150 --> 00:09:28,152
Check out that
conference room. Totally.

220
00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:29,486
You can't just move out.

221
00:09:29,611 --> 00:09:30,863
Oh, in three months we can.

222
00:09:30,946 --> 00:09:31,946
Check the lease.

223
00:09:31,989 --> 00:09:34,050
And if you don't undo all the
changes you've made, we're moving.

224
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:35,634
Hey, guys,
can I show you some pictures?

225
00:09:35,659 --> 00:09:37,819
Oh, my gosh, she's so cute.
She looks like both of you.

226
00:09:37,870 --> 00:09:39,663
Theytenotofcece oh, cool

227
00:09:40,164 --> 00:09:42,082
this is possibly our new
dunder Mifflin office.

228
00:09:42,166 --> 00:09:44,209
Well, I like being
in the same building as Bob.

229
00:09:44,293 --> 00:09:45,335
It keeps me honest.

230
00:09:45,419 --> 00:09:48,422
Well, this building isn't far,
and it's much newer.

231
00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:50,674
There's a dry cleaner,
a nail place and a gym.

232
00:09:51,175 --> 00:09:52,615
Oh, and it's next
door to an outback,

233
00:09:52,676 --> 00:09:54,052
so it always smells like steak.

234
00:09:54,178 --> 00:09:55,679
Are you trying to kill me?

235
00:09:55,763 --> 00:09:56,805
(Laughing)

236
00:09:56,889 --> 00:09:58,640
Is the nail place
Koreans or whites?

237
00:09:58,849 --> 00:09:59,850
Koreans.

238
00:10:00,017 --> 00:10:01,810
Good. And the dry cleaners?

239
00:10:01,977 --> 00:10:02,978
White?

240
00:10:03,061 --> 00:10:04,062
Good.

241
00:10:09,693 --> 00:10:12,404
Whoa, there's a lot of
brain power in this room.

242
00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:15,365
We got Michael and Oscar, the
two smartest guys in the office.

243
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:16,992
Also, in that order.

244
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:18,494
Funny. Jim, that is funny.

245
00:10:18,577 --> 00:10:20,162
Very comedically humorous, Jim.

246
00:10:20,245 --> 00:10:21,514
Kelly:
I have a computer question.

247
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:22,998
Hey, Oscar? What is it?

248
00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:24,601
Can you move aside
so that I can ask Michael?

249
00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:25,865
All right. All right, I get it.

250
00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:27,753
Michael,
how do I create a new tab?

251
00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:29,963
Try control "."P

252
00:10:30,047 --> 00:10:31,048
that's print.

253
00:10:31,215 --> 00:10:33,050
Not if the printer
isn't hooked up.

254
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,344
You are making some very
dangerous assumptions, Oscar.

255
00:10:35,803 --> 00:10:38,323
Oscar, it must be killing you now
that Michael is smarter than you.

256
00:10:38,347 --> 00:10:42,434
He's not smarter than me. He
was just right about one thing.

257
00:10:42,518 --> 00:10:46,563
Yeah, but it was a really smart
thing to be right about, actually.

258
00:10:46,647 --> 00:10:48,273
Actually, it was.

259
00:10:48,524 --> 00:10:51,109
Around here,
Oscar is known as "actually,"

260
00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:54,321
because he will insert himself
into just about any conversation

261
00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:57,241
to add facts or correct grammar.

262
00:10:57,366 --> 00:10:58,575
Actually, you're speculating.

263
00:10:58,659 --> 00:11:02,663
He really does fit that old
stereotype of the smug, gay Mexican.

264
00:11:02,913 --> 00:11:03,914
(Cell phone chimes)

265
00:11:04,623 --> 00:11:07,167
"Megan fox. Question Mark."
What's that mean?

266
00:11:08,210 --> 00:11:10,003
Megan fox. Come on.

267
00:11:10,462 --> 00:11:11,713
You know what?

268
00:11:11,797 --> 00:11:14,591
You're one bad text away
from getting blocked.

269
00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:17,594
Yes, but one good text
away from a high five.

270
00:11:17,678 --> 00:11:18,679
You accept these terms?

271
00:11:18,971 --> 00:11:19,972
Oh, it's on.

272
00:11:20,931 --> 00:11:24,768
In your perfect world, what would
make this building awesome?

273
00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:26,895
I'm putting together
kind of a wish list.

274
00:11:26,979 --> 00:11:29,523
I wish for a million wishes.

275
00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:30,607
Yeah,

276
00:11:30,983 --> 00:11:32,502
no, I'm not a genie.
I'm just talking about...

277
00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:34,236
Then see you later, building.

278
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:35,588
Dwight: You can't
possibly be serious.

279
00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:36,798
I said,
"see you later, building."

280
00:11:36,822 --> 00:11:38,699
Hey, Michael. Hey.

281
00:11:38,782 --> 00:11:41,094
I was thinking about some of the
stuff you said earlier about China.

282
00:11:41,118 --> 00:11:42,119
Mmm.

283
00:11:42,244 --> 00:11:43,996
Pdloveto talk
more about it. Yeah.

284
00:11:44,580 --> 00:11:45,747
Maybe over some coffee later?

285
00:11:45,873 --> 00:11:47,207
Sure.

286
00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:49,793
(Chuckles)

287
00:11:50,586 --> 00:11:52,605
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Do you
know what you just agreed to?

288
00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:53,922
Just coffee, Jim.

289
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:55,382
No, it is not just coffee.

290
00:11:56,884 --> 00:11:58,302
He's trying to
set you up, Michael.

291
00:11:58,468 --> 00:11:59,553
What's gonna happen is

292
00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:01,138
he's gonna try to
bring up whatever

293
00:12:01,305 --> 00:12:02,945
you're talking about
in a very casual way.

294
00:12:03,265 --> 00:12:05,642
But secretly he'll be
trying to trip you up.

295
00:12:05,726 --> 00:12:07,769
And when he does,
boom, it's awful.

296
00:12:08,270 --> 00:12:09,271
Haven't you noticed that

297
00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:10,623
I don't bring up the tour
de France around him?

298
00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:11,648
Yes.

299
00:12:12,107 --> 00:12:16,153
And then, he will smugly pay the
check and make you feel so small.

300
00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:20,824
All right, well, I just need to
learn everything about China.

301
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:22,969
To be safe, I should learn
everything about everything,

302
00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:24,620
but I don't have time,
okay? Okay.

303
00:12:24,703 --> 00:12:26,246
I'll just learn about China

304
00:12:26,330 --> 00:12:30,667
and science and geography
and math and literary.

305
00:12:30,751 --> 00:12:31,793
No politics?

306
00:12:31,877 --> 00:12:34,046
I'm pretty good on politics.

307
00:12:34,129 --> 00:12:36,024
(Imitating Schwarzenegger)
California is bankrupt.

308
00:12:36,048 --> 00:12:38,300
And California, California.

309
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:45,265
What?

310
00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:49,561
Parlay. My office. Five minutes.

311
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:51,521
Paday?

312
00:12:52,856 --> 00:12:54,816
Pirate code. He wants to meet.

313
00:12:55,025 --> 00:12:56,944
So, everyone here
knows pirate code?

314
00:12:57,027 --> 00:12:58,820
I understand it.
I can't speak it.

315
00:13:00,697 --> 00:13:03,825
Pam, I am not
an unreasonable man.

316
00:13:03,909 --> 00:13:06,828
If you guys stay, I will stop
watering down the soap.

317
00:13:07,037 --> 00:13:08,830
You've been
watering down the soap?

318
00:13:08,914 --> 00:13:11,634
Why do you even need soap? Are
you that bad at going to the bathroom?

319
00:13:11,708 --> 00:13:13,669
We want everything
back the way it was.

320
00:13:13,877 --> 00:13:15,045
You don't wanna move.

321
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,482
Moving is one of the most
stressful things you can do in life.

322
00:13:17,506 --> 00:13:19,383
You'll probably just
take it out on your kid.

323
00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:22,552
Jim will turn to the drink.
The family will fall apart.

324
00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:23,887
And 25 years from now,

325
00:13:24,346 --> 00:13:28,642
Cece will become world
famous for stripping.

326
00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:33,021
That's a sad story.
I have another one.

327
00:13:33,105 --> 00:13:35,649
We move,
the other tenants follow,

328
00:13:35,732 --> 00:13:36,852
the bank takes the building,

329
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:39,569
takes your farm, takes your
car and beats the crap out of you.

330
00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:40,946
Penniless, you die.

331
00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:44,825
And my daughter, Cece,
dances on your grave fully clothed.

332
00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:56,420
Ryan: Where is Tibet?

333
00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:58,505
Pass.

334
00:13:58,714 --> 00:13:59,715
When was China founded?

335
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:01,508
Pass. Two for two. Keep it up.

336
00:14:01,591 --> 00:14:02,592
Who is mao?

337
00:14:04,886 --> 00:14:05,929
Lifeline.

338
00:14:06,096 --> 00:14:07,139
Damn it, Michael.

339
00:14:07,264 --> 00:14:10,434
You are moments away from
the smack down of your life.

340
00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:11,911
If you don't know something,

341
00:14:11,935 --> 00:14:14,015
steer the conversation back
to something you do know.

342
00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:16,857
I could talk about boobs. I bet
he knows nothing about boobs.

343
00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:18,108
What do you know aboutboobs?

344
00:14:21,570 --> 00:14:22,880
Michael, I have
to tell you something.

345
00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:24,104
It's from rocky ll. Thank you.

346
00:14:26,241 --> 00:14:28,285
"This guy
doesn't just wanna win,

347
00:14:28,410 --> 00:14:30,454
"you know, he wants to Bury you.

348
00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:32,039
"He wants to humiliate you."

349
00:14:32,122 --> 00:14:33,999
Wait, wait, wait.
How long is this gonna take?

350
00:14:34,124 --> 00:14:35,601
I'm, like,
a quarter of the way through.

351
00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:36,626
Is it gonna be worth it?

352
00:14:38,253 --> 00:14:40,672
Just in case, Michael,
I made you a cheat sheet.

353
00:14:40,964 --> 00:14:41,965
I don't need to cheat.

354
00:14:42,174 --> 00:14:43,175
Show him how to use it.

355
00:14:43,633 --> 00:14:44,801
10,706...

356
00:14:44,968 --> 00:14:46,094
Here it is, right here.

357
00:14:46,178 --> 00:14:47,429
Pull over. Pull over.

358
00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:50,223
Oh, my god.

359
00:14:50,474 --> 00:14:52,100
No way.

360
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:54,144
Man, look at that.

361
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:55,228
Yeah.

362
00:14:55,312 --> 00:14:56,688
There's no building.

363
00:14:56,813 --> 00:14:57,814
(Sniggering)

364
00:14:58,023 --> 00:14:59,274
This can only mean one thing.

365
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:00,650
Building's underground.

366
00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:02,027
She was lying.

367
00:15:03,278 --> 00:15:05,030
Pam, Pam, Pam, Pam.

368
00:15:05,155 --> 00:15:06,907
Pam, Pam, Pam.

369
00:15:06,990 --> 00:15:07,991
Yeah?

370
00:15:08,283 --> 00:15:09,326
Pam?

371
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:10,786
I'm Pam. What?

372
00:15:11,203 --> 00:15:12,621
Dwight: Oh. No, you're not.

373
00:15:12,704 --> 00:15:15,165
I'm sorry, we have a colleague
with the same name.

374
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:16,708
Oh, that's funny.

375
00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:18,335
You're not a liar too, are you?

376
00:15:19,377 --> 00:15:20,712
I've been known
to bend the truth.

377
00:15:21,004 --> 00:15:22,631
Damn it, Pam. Get out.

378
00:15:22,881 --> 00:15:25,121
Right now. Leave it. I mean
it. Get the hell out of here.

379
00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:32,015
I can't wait to do to Pam
what I just did to Pam.

380
00:15:34,518 --> 00:15:35,519
Hey, Pam?

381
00:15:35,685 --> 00:15:36,685
Yeah.

382
00:15:36,728 --> 00:15:38,021
You know, I'm the only one here

383
00:15:38,188 --> 00:15:39,707
that you haven't asked
about the new office.

384
00:15:39,731 --> 00:15:42,025
I know, because you're
the reason we're moving.

385
00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:44,361
Yeah, but I'm
still an employee here,

386
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:47,044
and that part of me is really
excited about the change of scenery.

387
00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:49,008
What's the square
footage in the new place?

388
00:15:49,032 --> 00:15:50,534
I think it's something like...

389
00:15:50,659 --> 00:15:52,244
What's the exact square footage?

390
00:15:53,537 --> 00:15:54,537
Let me see.

391
00:15:54,579 --> 00:15:55,681
Dwight: How many
offices are there?

392
00:15:55,705 --> 00:15:57,457
I'll just look at
the one-sheet myself.

393
00:15:57,541 --> 00:15:59,621
Actually, I don't know
what I did with the one-sheet.

394
00:15:59,751 --> 00:16:02,963
You know, that's the problem.
You only have one sheet.

395
00:16:03,046 --> 00:16:04,286
(Dwight laughing sarcastically)

396
00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:06,675
Oh, you're a funny guy, Pam.

397
00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:09,604
What's the first thing
you guys are gonna do

398
00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:11,471
when you move
into the new office?

399
00:16:11,555 --> 00:16:13,074
I'm gonna walk down the hall,
and I'm gonna say,

400
00:16:13,098 --> 00:16:17,102
"wow, I can't believe
this is real, but it is."

401
00:16:17,561 --> 00:16:19,479
Mmm-hmm. I can't wait.

402
00:16:21,064 --> 00:16:23,733
I lied about some
aspects of the building.

403
00:16:23,817 --> 00:16:25,002
It's still on a bike path,
though, right?

404
00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:26,695
There's no building.
It doesn't exist.

405
00:16:26,778 --> 00:16:27,863
What does that mean?

406
00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:30,551
I needed leverage, so I pulled
those pictures off the Internet.

407
00:16:30,699 --> 00:16:32,325
It's just this...

408
00:16:32,409 --> 00:16:34,744
This office administrator
thing, I don't want to...

409
00:16:36,079 --> 00:16:37,164
What?

410
00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:40,500
Fail. I don't want
to fail. Again.

411
00:16:40,584 --> 00:16:41,584
You didn't fail.

412
00:16:41,626 --> 00:16:43,336
That's what you
said about art school,

413
00:16:43,461 --> 00:16:45,172
and that's what
you said about sales.

414
00:16:45,422 --> 00:16:47,257
And you didn't fail
those things either.

415
00:16:48,592 --> 00:16:54,306
Well, I'm not an artist,
and I'm not a salesman.

416
00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:55,557
So, what would you call it?

417
00:16:56,266 --> 00:16:58,768
Hey. Hey, hey, hey.

418
00:17:00,312 --> 00:17:02,981
Michael, the reason I asked
you down here for this chat is

419
00:17:03,064 --> 00:17:04,774
I've been
thinking that your fears

420
00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:06,610
about China are
a bit exaggerated.

421
00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:09,821
Did you know that
China has a new missile

422
00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:13,074
that can sink a us. Naval
carrier 900 miles off the coast?

423
00:17:13,158 --> 00:17:14,159
We have missiles, too.

424
00:17:14,242 --> 00:17:16,119
Did you also know
that China has secretly

425
00:17:16,244 --> 00:17:18,121
been expanding
its nuclear arsenal?

426
00:17:18,413 --> 00:17:19,414
But what do I know?

427
00:17:19,497 --> 00:17:21,374
I mean, that's just
according to the Pentagon.

428
00:17:21,458 --> 00:17:22,542
Our Pentagon.

429
00:17:27,422 --> 00:17:28,632
I wasn't here.

430
00:17:28,757 --> 00:17:29,966
What?

431
00:17:30,967 --> 00:17:33,678
I wasn't here.
It's a pretty common saying.

432
00:17:33,762 --> 00:17:35,722
You may want to log
it away for future use.

433
00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:37,432
Yeah. Vveh, thanks.

434
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:43,730
China has been loaning us
billions upon billions of dollars.

435
00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:46,942
We are going to be owing them
for the rest of our lives,

436
00:17:47,025 --> 00:17:48,026
and they will control us.

437
00:17:48,109 --> 00:17:52,906
Actually, we're in a mild
recession right now, I'll give you that,

438
00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:55,468
but people use China as the
boogeyman for all their problems.

439
00:17:55,492 --> 00:17:57,160
In the 1980s, it was Japan.

440
00:17:57,244 --> 00:18:00,413
How then do you
explain that in the past year

441
00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:03,708
manufacturing in
China has risen by 17%,

442
00:18:04,376 --> 00:18:06,795
and in the us.
It has only risen by 8%?

443
00:18:06,878 --> 00:18:09,232
Do you really think that
manufacturing is a relevant indicator

444
00:18:09,256 --> 00:18:11,716
of where the world
economy's heading in 2011?

445
00:18:13,009 --> 00:18:14,469
Do you know
the comparative expansion

446
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:16,054
of, say, the information sector?

447
00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:18,640
I'd say that's far more
relevant, wouldn't you?

448
00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:35,740
Hello. Hello.

449
00:18:35,824 --> 00:18:37,867
You're breaking the law.
Impossible. I love the law.

450
00:18:37,993 --> 00:18:39,452
Read article 19.

451
00:18:39,536 --> 00:18:42,297
There are certain standards that
you have to maintain the building at,

452
00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:45,292
and that includes comfortable
temperatures and adequate lighting.

453
00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:48,295
It also means no more cutting
the tampons in two,

454
00:18:48,378 --> 00:18:50,547
and no more tampering
with the toilet paper.

455
00:18:51,673 --> 00:18:55,343
I see I've underestimated you,
and I didn't think that was possible.

456
00:18:55,552 --> 00:18:56,886
Nate.

457
00:18:58,263 --> 00:18:59,389
Re-ply the paper.

458
00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:01,075
I don't think it goes that way.

459
00:19:01,099 --> 00:19:02,267
Re-ply it!

460
00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:06,771
Don't worry about the coffee.
It's on me.

461
00:19:06,855 --> 00:19:07,856
Yeah, I figured that.

462
00:19:08,231 --> 00:19:12,652
Michael, I am so happy that we
were able to have this little chat.

463
00:19:14,195 --> 00:19:15,280
Wait.

464
00:19:16,906 --> 00:19:17,949
You forgetting something?

465
00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:19,576
What? This chat.

466
00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:22,996
Two men. One white. One latino.

467
00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:26,458
A boss and a money cruncher.
I could fire you.

468
00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:29,044
Fire him. No. Show mercy.

469
00:19:29,294 --> 00:19:30,378
But here we are.

470
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:31,755
What's your point?

471
00:19:31,921 --> 00:19:33,214
My point is

472
00:19:35,342 --> 00:19:41,014
that as long as people like
you and me don't stop talking,

473
00:19:41,097 --> 00:19:43,141
nobody can stop the usa.

474
00:19:43,266 --> 00:19:45,352
Yeah, go, girl. Right. Yes.

475
00:19:45,435 --> 00:19:49,773
I am talking about freedom,
about choice.

476
00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:51,608
America...

477
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:53,568
I don't think you need to worry,

478
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,570
because if you want to
beat China, you will.

479
00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:57,739
If you don't, that's fine.

480
00:19:58,323 --> 00:20:01,659
That, my friend,
is your victory.

481
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:05,538
You know,
a lot of people say that

482
00:20:05,622 --> 00:20:07,290
if you dig long
enough and hard enough,

483
00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:09,542
you will get to China,
and that may be true,

484
00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:11,378
but what they
don't tell you is that

485
00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:16,132
if you dig long enough and
hard enough in a conversation,

486
00:20:16,216 --> 00:20:17,550
you get to a friend.

487
00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:22,389
So, here is to conversation.

488
00:20:22,514 --> 00:20:23,515
That's not...

489
00:20:23,598 --> 00:20:26,309
Raise your cups on high.

490
00:20:26,393 --> 00:20:28,311
Case closed. Yeah!

491
00:20:30,105 --> 00:20:33,400
That wasn't what we were...
That wasn't the whole...

492
00:20:33,775 --> 00:20:36,778
They say the best vampires
don't bleed their victims dry,

493
00:20:36,861 --> 00:20:39,114
but give them the strength
so that they can bounce back,

494
00:20:39,197 --> 00:20:40,323
only to be fed on again.

495
00:20:40,824 --> 00:20:43,118
I spared Pam, and I might feast

496
00:20:43,243 --> 00:20:45,537
off of her profits
for years to come.

497
00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:48,790
I let Pam win.

498
00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:53,503
I was not
motivated by compassion.

499
00:20:53,628 --> 00:20:56,089
I have no compassion.

500
00:20:56,172 --> 00:21:01,261
Make sure you got that.
"Not motivated by compassion."

501
00:21:06,975 --> 00:21:08,184
(Cell phone chimes)

502
00:21:09,561 --> 00:21:13,189
"Come to parking lot.
Crazy pigeon action."

503
00:21:19,154 --> 00:21:20,155
Shh.

504
00:21:20,238 --> 00:21:21,739
You're gonna scare them away.

505
00:21:25,076 --> 00:21:26,411
(Laughing)

506
00:21:28,371 --> 00:21:30,290
That's a text. Yeah, right?

507
00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:32,375
That's your new standard.