1 00:00:04,881 --> 00:00:06,424 I got a delivery for you. 2 00:00:06,632 --> 00:00:08,092 Leave it at reception. 3 00:00:08,384 --> 00:00:11,053 I'm supposed to deliver this one in person. 4 00:00:44,086 --> 00:00:46,339 Clean up on aisle five. 5 00:00:50,176 --> 00:00:52,553 After three years of writing, one year of shooting, 6 00:00:52,637 --> 00:00:54,764 four years of re-shooting, and two years of editing, 7 00:00:54,847 --> 00:00:57,391 I have finally completed my movie, 8 00:00:57,475 --> 00:00:59,685 threat level midnight. 9 00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:22,250 Ehn, ennm yes? 10 00:01:22,333 --> 00:01:23,417 What are you doing? 11 00:01:23,542 --> 00:01:24,585 Guys... 12 00:01:24,669 --> 00:01:27,838 Did you guys know that our own Michael Scott has made a movie, 13 00:01:27,922 --> 00:01:30,216 and that he maybe will let us watch it, 14 00:01:30,549 --> 00:01:32,718 but only if everybody's dying to see it? 15 00:01:32,802 --> 00:01:35,012 That's... well, don't put words in my mouth. 16 00:01:35,513 --> 00:01:39,684 Threat level midnight is the great lost film of Michael Scott. 17 00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:43,229 We're all in it from, like, years and years ago. It's like a home movie. 18 00:01:43,312 --> 00:01:47,608 Yeah, if Michael Scott did your home movie. 19 00:01:47,692 --> 00:01:50,569 Pam: Michael screened a work in progress for us years ago, 20 00:01:50,653 --> 00:01:52,029 and it didn't go well. 21 00:01:52,697 --> 00:01:54,699 We thought it was a comedy. 22 00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:57,076 Everything pointed to it being a comedy. 23 00:01:58,202 --> 00:01:59,203 We'd love to see it. 24 00:01:59,287 --> 00:02:01,956 Sweet. I will go invite Holly. 25 00:02:03,666 --> 00:02:05,626 Okay, everyone, I know we're really excited to 26 00:02:05,710 --> 00:02:07,628 see this movie that everybody's in, 27 00:02:07,712 --> 00:02:09,880 but we have to remember that Michael is sensitive. 28 00:02:09,964 --> 00:02:11,632 So, let's stay positive. 29 00:02:11,716 --> 00:02:15,136 And no laughing, no comments, just positive energy, 30 00:02:15,219 --> 00:02:17,930 and we'll have a pure fun day, okay? 31 00:02:18,014 --> 00:02:19,348 Thanks, mom. 32 00:02:20,099 --> 00:02:22,226 You never told me you made a movie. Mmm-hmm. 33 00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:24,562 It's got action. It's got heart. It's got symbolism. 34 00:02:24,729 --> 00:02:26,897 It's got you. It's got a lot of me. 35 00:02:27,023 --> 00:02:28,733 I can't wait. 36 00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:33,738 Ladies and gentlemen, threat level midnight. 37 00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:46,375 Narrator: Michael scam? Well, that is an interesting story. 38 00:02:49,962 --> 00:02:53,049 He was once the best secret agent in the business. 39 00:02:58,596 --> 00:03:00,056 That was years ago. 40 00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:05,686 Where is he now? 41 00:03:05,770 --> 00:03:09,523 Well, that's also an interesting story. 42 00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:18,115 Master scarn. 43 00:03:18,616 --> 00:03:20,201 Master scam! 44 00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:23,704 I play Samuel, Michael scarn's robot Butler. 45 00:03:23,788 --> 00:03:25,373 I wanted Samuel's voice 46 00:03:25,456 --> 00:03:27,792 To be like this. 47 00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:29,728 But Michael thought that Samuel should be 48 00:03:29,752 --> 00:03:31,087 a very advanced Android, 49 00:03:31,170 --> 00:03:34,298 almost indistinguishable from a real person. 50 00:03:34,799 --> 00:03:36,634 Dwight does not play a robot. 51 00:03:38,928 --> 00:03:39,928 I'm up. 52 00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:40,971 It's the president. 53 00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:42,306 He needs you for a mission. 54 00:03:42,390 --> 00:03:43,849 Tell him I'm retired. 55 00:03:44,016 --> 00:03:45,309 It's goldenface. 56 00:03:45,393 --> 00:03:48,062 Goldenface. 57 00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:49,688 This makes it personal. 58 00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:58,155 Scarn, you're right on time. 59 00:03:59,657 --> 00:04:00,658 Hail to the chief. 60 00:04:00,825 --> 00:04:01,885 I gave up a lot of weekends, 61 00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:03,637 because I thought it would be good for my daughter 62 00:04:03,661 --> 00:04:08,416 to see a black man as president, even in a silly home movie. 63 00:04:08,499 --> 00:04:10,584 What a stupid waste of time. 64 00:04:10,668 --> 00:04:12,920 It's your old enemy, goldenface. 65 00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:15,047 He's after the NHL all-star game. 66 00:04:15,256 --> 00:04:18,092 He's hidden a bomb somewhere in the stadium. Scarn, 67 00:04:19,969 --> 00:04:21,262 this one is personal for me. 68 00:04:21,345 --> 00:04:22,680 I own the stadium. 69 00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:24,932 I can't see it blown up. 70 00:04:25,015 --> 00:04:26,434 It's my retirement plan. 71 00:04:26,517 --> 00:04:27,810 We have to search the stadium. 72 00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:29,186 Not so fast. 73 00:04:29,270 --> 00:04:31,021 Goldenface has taken all of the 74 00:04:31,105 --> 00:04:32,857 concession stand workers hostage. 75 00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:37,069 Scarn, will you find these hostages and save the game? 76 00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:40,531 Heads I do it, tails I don't. 77 00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,658 Best out of seven. 78 00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:45,786 Heads. 79 00:04:48,747 --> 00:04:50,166 Tails. 80 00:04:51,375 --> 00:04:52,710 Heads. 81 00:04:53,335 --> 00:04:54,420 Tails. 82 00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:56,046 Heads. 83 00:04:58,799 --> 00:04:59,842 Tails. 84 00:05:08,392 --> 00:05:11,228 Looks like there's gonna be a clean up on aisle five. 85 00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:20,112 Narrator: Well, the hostages were scared. 86 00:05:20,196 --> 00:05:23,324 Don't you guys get it? Nobody's coming for us. 87 00:05:23,407 --> 00:05:25,451 Goldenface: On, someone's coming, all right. 88 00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:29,330 The only man who would care, Michael scarn. 89 00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:34,126 See, I'm gonna lure him here, then I'm gonna kill everybody, 90 00:05:34,210 --> 00:05:37,213 then I'm gonna dig up scarn's dead wife, 91 00:05:37,296 --> 00:05:39,673 and I'm gonna hump her real good. 92 00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:42,927 Jim: I did not love the dialog, 93 00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:44,762 or the character. 94 00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:49,850 I took the role to impress a receptionist, who will remain nameless. 95 00:05:49,934 --> 00:05:52,353 Narrator: Well, the all-star game was three days away. 96 00:05:52,436 --> 00:05:54,813 So, naturally, it was all sold out. 97 00:05:54,897 --> 00:05:57,775 The only way scarn was getting in was in a uniform. 98 00:05:57,900 --> 00:05:59,693 Just one problem with that. 99 00:05:59,777 --> 00:06:02,613 Scarn didn't know a hockey stick from a slim Jim. 100 00:06:02,738 --> 00:06:06,617 So, he went to meet with the famed trainer, cherokee Jack. 101 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:07,952 Mop the ice. 102 00:06:08,077 --> 00:06:09,495 I'm not here to learn how to mop. 103 00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:11,080 I'm here to learn how to play hockey. 104 00:06:11,205 --> 00:06:12,289 Mop it. 105 00:06:26,387 --> 00:06:28,514 Come on. Come on! 106 00:06:46,991 --> 00:06:49,285 Now, take this. 107 00:06:49,368 --> 00:06:51,203 What am I supposed to do with this? 108 00:06:57,835 --> 00:06:59,795 Narrator: Well, Michael scarn was quickly becoming 109 00:06:59,878 --> 00:07:02,423 one of the hottest hockey players in the country. 110 00:07:02,506 --> 00:07:06,218 Each year, the national hockey league accepts one civilian amateur 111 00:07:06,302 --> 00:07:07,845 to play in the all-star game. 112 00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,638 It's down to the three of you. 113 00:07:09,722 --> 00:07:13,267 The final test is speed skating. 114 00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:16,937 On your marks, get set... 115 00:07:17,313 --> 00:07:18,397 Die. 116 00:07:40,044 --> 00:07:43,464 Nice try, goldenface. Except you forgot one thing, to kill me. 117 00:07:43,547 --> 00:07:45,466 Oh, iwasn't trying to kill you. 118 00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:47,718 I was trying to slow you down. 119 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,057 Oh, by the way... 120 00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:54,475 Yeah? 121 00:07:54,558 --> 00:07:56,060 How's your wife doing? 122 00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:00,898 Congratulations. 123 00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:03,442 Hey, you came in second. Not bad either, champ. 124 00:08:03,525 --> 00:08:05,361 I am so sorry I have to do this. 125 00:08:20,793 --> 00:08:23,671 I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. 126 00:08:23,754 --> 00:08:25,756 I'm intercepting a name. 127 00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,257 Jasmine windsong. 128 00:08:27,758 --> 00:08:29,718 She works for goldenface. 129 00:08:29,802 --> 00:08:33,514 But what I can't figure out is, who is the funky cat? 130 00:08:33,597 --> 00:08:35,307 Not "who," what. 131 00:08:35,391 --> 00:08:37,685 The funky cat is the hippestjazz club in town. 132 00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:43,107 Oh! Oh... 133 00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:49,863 He cut the part where my circuit board malfunctioned? 134 00:08:49,947 --> 00:08:52,616 Then what was the point of spilling the drink on me? 135 00:08:53,534 --> 00:08:59,915 They call me Jasmine windsong 136 00:08:59,998 --> 00:09:02,084 bingo. 137 00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:06,672 He finished his movie? No kidding. Wow, that's great. 138 00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:08,465 Yeah, good for him. 139 00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:24,982 The hostages are under the stadium 140 00:09:31,739 --> 00:09:32,948 Check, please. 141 00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:36,660 You have to let us go, goldenface. We have families. 142 00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:41,457 Ha! This is gonna show them that I mean business. 143 00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:44,752 See ya. 144 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,429 Far and away the most expensive shot of the movie, 145 00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:59,141 but it was integral to the story. 146 00:10:01,477 --> 00:10:02,895 It's scarn! 147 00:10:03,687 --> 00:10:05,439 Sorry about your friend, scarn. 148 00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:07,441 The joke's on you, goldenface. 149 00:10:07,524 --> 00:10:09,693 That man was a wanted animal rapist. 150 00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:11,987 We've searched the whole building, goldenface. 151 00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:13,947 Where is the bomb? Hmm? 152 00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:16,081 We've searched the whole building, goldenface. 153 00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,785 Where is the bomb? Hmm? 154 00:10:17,868 --> 00:10:19,620 We've searched the... okay. 155 00:10:19,703 --> 00:10:22,289 He said, "where is the bomb?" 156 00:10:22,414 --> 00:10:23,665 In the puck. 157 00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:26,376 Scarn: But why are you telling me this? 158 00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:29,338 Because I'm going to kill you, unless 159 00:10:29,421 --> 00:10:31,215 you forgive me for murdering your wife. 160 00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:42,810 Hey, goldenface. Yeah? 161 00:10:42,893 --> 00:10:45,270 Go puck yourself. 162 00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:51,568 That was not scripted. 163 00:10:57,407 --> 00:10:58,992 Scarn: More Tylenol. 164 00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:00,452 You've already had four. 165 00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:02,037 Oh, god! 166 00:11:02,913 --> 00:11:04,081 So good. 167 00:11:04,206 --> 00:11:05,475 Nurse: You're lucky to be alive. 168 00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:07,709 It'll take a lot more than a bullet to the brain, 169 00:11:07,793 --> 00:11:11,839 lungs, heart, back and balls to kill Michael scarn. 170 00:11:11,922 --> 00:11:16,093 Let's just make sure that everything's working properly. 171 00:11:26,728 --> 00:11:30,774 You just said, "the bomb is in the puck"? 172 00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:31,942 Both: Yes. 173 00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:34,111 Is that where you hid the bomb, goldenface? 174 00:11:37,447 --> 00:11:39,366 But why would you blow up the stadium? 175 00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:41,201 You own the stadium. 176 00:11:41,285 --> 00:11:44,413 For the insurance money. I knew it all along. 177 00:11:44,538 --> 00:11:46,456 You will never get away with this. 178 00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:02,014 Scarn: Where had I gone wrong? 179 00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:06,059 All I wanted was to start a family with my beautiful wife, 180 00:12:06,143 --> 00:12:10,063 but somewhere along the way, things got messed up. 181 00:12:10,147 --> 00:12:11,982 Narrator: It wasn't easy for scarn to admit 182 00:12:12,107 --> 00:12:13,942 that he'd lost his self-confidence. 183 00:12:14,109 --> 00:12:15,527 And he hadn't, of course. 184 00:12:15,861 --> 00:12:18,405 He just wasn't using it right now. 185 00:12:18,488 --> 00:12:19,823 All: Mike! 186 00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:21,158 Scarn: Beer me, Billy. 187 00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:23,452 You don't look so good. What's got you down? 188 00:12:23,535 --> 00:12:26,079 I got problems, Billy. Big problems. 189 00:12:26,163 --> 00:12:28,749 You got problems? My TV don't work. 190 00:12:28,832 --> 00:12:32,252 I pay $30 a month for the damn satellite what's-a-whose-it. 191 00:12:32,336 --> 00:12:34,379 I can't even get the damn game. 192 00:12:34,504 --> 00:12:36,632 Now, you tell me, what's worse than that? 193 00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:38,675 Don't ever change, Billy. 194 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:43,597 Goldenface is going to blow up the NHL all-star game tomorrow. 195 00:12:44,514 --> 00:12:46,642 I see what you mean about problems. 196 00:12:46,725 --> 00:12:48,977 I know what'll cheer you up. 197 00:12:49,061 --> 00:12:51,855 That table of bachelorettes over there bought you this drink. 198 00:12:55,484 --> 00:12:56,777 All: Hey. 199 00:12:56,860 --> 00:13:00,822 Ever banged an entire bachelorette party, baby? 200 00:13:01,406 --> 00:13:05,118 Why are you singling my line out, like, a million years later? 201 00:13:05,202 --> 00:13:07,996 I'm too depressed to save the big game, Billy. 202 00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:12,000 I'm gonna cheer you up the only ways I know hows. Hey, kid, 203 00:13:14,252 --> 00:13:15,963 hit 6-9 on the jukebox. 204 00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:19,800 No, Billy, I haven't done that dance since my wife died. 205 00:13:19,883 --> 00:13:22,302 There's a whole crowd of people out there 206 00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:24,888 who need to learn how to do the scarn. 207 00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:35,607 Well, my name's Michael scarn and I'm here to say 208 00:13:35,732 --> 00:13:37,734 I'm about to do the scarn in a major way 209 00:13:42,364 --> 00:13:44,324 you jump to the right and you shake a hand 210 00:13:44,408 --> 00:13:46,576 then you jump to the left and you shake that hand 211 00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:48,787 you meet new friends you tie some yarn 212 00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:50,914 and that's how you do the scarn 213 00:13:50,998 --> 00:13:53,041 you jump to the right and you shake a hand 214 00:13:53,125 --> 00:13:55,335 then you jump to the left and you shake that hand 215 00:13:55,419 --> 00:13:57,504 meet new friends tie that yarn 216 00:13:57,587 --> 00:13:59,548 that's how you do the scarn 217 00:13:59,631 --> 00:14:01,271 you jump to the right and you shake a hand 218 00:14:01,299 --> 00:14:03,343 Shh. Stop. 219 00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:06,179 Meet new friends tie that yarn 220 00:14:06,263 --> 00:14:08,390 that's how you do the scarn 221 00:14:08,473 --> 00:14:11,601 If doing the scarn is gay, 222 00:14:11,685 --> 00:14:14,438 then I'm the biggest queer on earth! 223 00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,190 You guys, I think I have... Sorry. 224 00:14:17,274 --> 00:14:19,526 I'm really sorry. 225 00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:22,195 Jim: Hey, hey. Michael! 226 00:14:22,279 --> 00:14:25,699 Michael, I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. 227 00:14:25,782 --> 00:14:27,301 I think I was just relieved to see that 228 00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:28,803 Michael scarn got his confidence back. 229 00:14:28,827 --> 00:14:30,013 Yeah, Michael, the movie's amazing. 230 00:14:30,037 --> 00:14:33,165 It's, like, one of the best movies I've ever seen in my life. 231 00:14:33,248 --> 00:14:34,750 You should enter it in festivals. 232 00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:36,043 Yeah. Or carnivals. 233 00:14:37,002 --> 00:14:41,339 Well, that's a pretty good reaction. That's pretty cool, right? 234 00:14:41,757 --> 00:14:44,051 Did you like it? Did you like that? 235 00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:46,053 Which part? 236 00:14:47,596 --> 00:14:49,139 Okay. 237 00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:51,058 Ahhgm. Comeon 238 00:14:51,141 --> 00:14:52,434 Michael: No. Michael. 239 00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:53,977 No, come on! 240 00:14:54,102 --> 00:14:55,562 We have to see the end. 241 00:14:55,645 --> 00:14:58,065 No, it's not good enough. It's not good enough. 242 00:14:58,148 --> 00:15:00,317 Some people are really popping on-screen. 243 00:15:05,906 --> 00:15:07,074 Hey. Hey. 244 00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:08,867 Good movie. Mmm. 245 00:15:08,992 --> 00:15:10,243 Good? 246 00:15:10,327 --> 00:15:12,079 Everybody out there says it's great. 247 00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:14,122 I loved it did you? 248 00:15:14,206 --> 00:15:15,582 What did you love about it? 249 00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:19,920 Um... I loved that you got to work together with all your friends. 250 00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:21,004 Mmm-hmm. 251 00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:23,316 Isn't that so great when you can all work together like that? 252 00:15:23,340 --> 00:15:26,218 No, no. Holly, this isn't ocean's eleven, 253 00:15:26,301 --> 00:15:27,653 where you get together with all your friends, 254 00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:30,237 and you just have fun, and you don't care about how it turns out. 255 00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,474 What'd you really think, honesfly? 256 00:15:33,809 --> 00:15:35,435 Is it... 257 00:15:35,519 --> 00:15:37,830 Is it because you're afraid of where this is gonna take me? 258 00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:41,149 Because, see, I need you to keep me grounded. 259 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:44,027 Not worried about that. 260 00:15:45,737 --> 00:15:48,323 This is 11 years, okay? 261 00:15:48,406 --> 00:15:51,118 This has been my dream for 11 years, 262 00:15:51,201 --> 00:15:52,869 and if you don't think it's great, 263 00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:55,181 then you're basically saying you don't believe in my dream. 264 00:15:55,205 --> 00:15:58,375 It's your dream? You never even mentioned it before. 265 00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,669 We talk about a lot of things, Holly. 266 00:16:00,752 --> 00:16:02,629 You know, I was eventually going to 267 00:16:02,712 --> 00:16:05,799 get around to my dream, obviously. 268 00:16:05,882 --> 00:16:07,175 Eleven years that I could've been 269 00:16:07,259 --> 00:16:08,802 working on "the scarn nebulous." 270 00:16:08,885 --> 00:16:11,263 Well, why do you have to make a movie at all? 271 00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:13,890 Because if I don't have this, what do I have? I have nothing. 272 00:16:14,349 --> 00:16:17,644 Really? You can't think of anything else that you might have? 273 00:16:17,727 --> 00:16:20,438 I have my book on business, somehowl manage. 274 00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:24,526 I have my hbo comedy special, "here I go again..." 275 00:16:24,609 --> 00:16:26,528 But, you know what? When I think about it, 276 00:16:26,611 --> 00:16:29,948 when I really think about it, none of those things 277 00:16:30,031 --> 00:16:32,242 are as real to me as my movie. 278 00:16:33,410 --> 00:16:34,411 I'm real. 279 00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:36,663 Yeah, you're a real pain in the ass. 280 00:16:37,372 --> 00:16:38,812 And now, I'm gonna go watch the movie 281 00:16:38,915 --> 00:16:40,292 with people who think it's great. 282 00:16:40,375 --> 00:16:43,044 And I'm sorry I called you a pain in the ass. 283 00:16:43,128 --> 00:16:45,172 I'm angry, and I love you. 284 00:16:47,841 --> 00:16:49,467 I love you, too. 285 00:16:49,551 --> 00:16:52,637 I am a huge Woody Allen fan. 286 00:16:52,721 --> 00:16:54,472 Although I've only seen antz. 287 00:16:54,556 --> 00:16:57,642 But I'll tell you something, what I respect about that man 288 00:16:57,726 --> 00:16:58,953 is that when he was going through 289 00:16:58,977 --> 00:17:01,146 all of that stuff that came out in the press, 290 00:17:01,229 --> 00:17:04,274 about how antz was just a rip-off of a bug's life, 291 00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:07,861 he stayed true to his films. 292 00:17:07,944 --> 00:17:11,072 Or at least the film that I saw, which, again, was antz. 293 00:17:11,156 --> 00:17:12,824 Thing is, 294 00:17:12,908 --> 00:17:14,659 I thought a bug's life was better, 295 00:17:14,743 --> 00:17:17,287 much better than antz. 296 00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:20,540 Point is, don't listen to your critics. 297 00:17:20,624 --> 00:17:23,210 Listen to your fans. 298 00:17:25,337 --> 00:17:26,880 Who likes threat level midnight? 299 00:17:28,131 --> 00:17:30,592 Okay, well, then who wants to watch the rest? 300 00:17:34,137 --> 00:17:37,015 Michael, you have to get to that puck before halftime 301 00:17:37,098 --> 00:17:39,059 or the whole stadium will explode. 302 00:17:39,142 --> 00:17:42,395 I know. It's a good thing my trainer and mentor is here to cheer me on. 303 00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:43,647 Cherokee Jack? 304 00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:46,524 Michael, he died. 305 00:17:54,157 --> 00:17:56,451 This one's for you, cherokee Jack. 306 00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:09,506 We filmed this during an actual 307 00:18:09,673 --> 00:18:11,174 Scranton high school hockey game. 308 00:18:11,258 --> 00:18:12,968 They were trying to qualify for states... 309 00:18:13,343 --> 00:18:15,053 It's fine. It's great. 310 00:18:15,136 --> 00:18:18,348 No, no. Actually, it was really screwed up because 311 00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:20,767 they were trying to qualify. 312 00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:23,019 They were disqualified. They had to forfeit the game. 313 00:18:24,062 --> 00:18:27,065 Undefeated season. That's why there were so many people there. 314 00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:32,028 Female hostage: Why is your face gold? 315 00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:33,780 Goldenface: Why do you care? 316 00:18:33,863 --> 00:18:36,283 I'm just making conversation. 317 00:18:36,366 --> 00:18:38,952 I worked in a gold factory. 318 00:18:39,035 --> 00:18:41,204 We had a boss who only cared about money. 319 00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:43,081 Hey, I'm sorry. Hey. 320 00:18:43,164 --> 00:18:44,541 It is good. 321 00:18:44,666 --> 00:18:46,042 No, no, it's not. 322 00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:48,128 It's not. 323 00:18:48,211 --> 00:18:51,715 But they really seem to be enjoying it. Come on. 324 00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:53,518 Male hostage: Please, goldenface, let us go! 325 00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:03,226 Cherokee Jack. 326 00:19:03,310 --> 00:19:05,854 I want you to take all your frustrations 327 00:19:05,937 --> 00:19:08,398 with women, the system, with everything, 328 00:19:09,024 --> 00:19:10,567 take it out on the puck. 329 00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:12,610 All on the puck. 330 00:19:38,053 --> 00:19:40,972 Hey, we got sports games again. 331 00:19:58,156 --> 00:20:02,118 Some breakfast for me, some breakfast for you. 332 00:20:06,623 --> 00:20:09,834 Yeah, I guess I did let him be a robot. 333 00:20:10,126 --> 00:20:11,711 I'll get it. 334 00:20:11,795 --> 00:20:13,296 Man, I love being retired. 335 00:20:14,089 --> 00:20:15,090 Scarn here. 336 00:20:15,173 --> 00:20:17,133 Michael, it's the president. Hello, sir. 337 00:20:17,217 --> 00:20:18,760 I need you for another mission. 338 00:20:21,805 --> 00:20:22,806 Yeah, I'm in. 339 00:20:25,308 --> 00:20:28,019 Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, isn't the president evil? 340 00:20:28,603 --> 00:20:31,856 Oh, yeah. Yes, he is. 341 00:20:31,940 --> 00:20:33,733 No, no, he's doing it to catch the president. 342 00:20:33,817 --> 00:20:36,403 No, no, Dwight, he's just being stupid. 343 00:20:37,904 --> 00:20:41,825 Well, Michael scarn was back in the game. 344 00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:43,243 And I bet you're wondering 345 00:20:43,326 --> 00:20:47,580 why do I know so much about Michael scarn? 346 00:20:47,664 --> 00:20:51,167 Vveh, because I am Michael scarn.