1
00:00:01,252 --> 00:00:02,587
We could get Deangelo flowers.

2
00:00:02,837 --> 00:00:04,565
No, you can't get flowers
for someone who's in a coma.

3
00:00:04,589 --> 00:00:05,923
They'll wilt before he wakes up.

4
00:00:06,299 --> 00:00:07,550
Yeah, that's true. Good point.

5
00:00:07,633 --> 00:00:11,095
All in favor of the baskets full of
chocolates, Teddy bears and balloons.

6
00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:14,182
Wait, wait. All in
favor of the knapsack

7
00:00:14,265 --> 00:00:16,017
filled with canned
goods, chainsaw,

8
00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:19,312
gasoline and emergency radio in
case he wakes up post-apocalypse.

9
00:00:22,231 --> 00:00:23,482
Nope. Baskets have it.

10
00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:25,943
So as it turns out, unless
you're a young child,

11
00:00:26,027 --> 00:00:29,697
or a prison inmate, you don't
need anyone supervising you.

12
00:00:30,114 --> 00:00:32,950
People just come in and do
their work on their schedule.

13
00:00:33,576 --> 00:00:36,579
Imagine that. People like
us allowed to sell paper.

14
00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:38,122
Unsupervised.

15
00:00:38,247 --> 00:00:39,498
And yet, somehow it works.

16
00:00:40,124 --> 00:00:42,543
Must be because
the stakes are so high.

17
00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:44,629
Well, I really
appreciate the offer,

18
00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:46,797
but I'm just happy
the way things are.

19
00:00:47,965 --> 00:00:49,717
Okay. Thank you.

20
00:00:51,135 --> 00:00:54,764
That was Jo asking me if I wanted
to take over as acting manager

21
00:00:54,847 --> 00:00:56,047
while they find a replacement.

22
00:00:56,349 --> 00:00:59,060
I told her I don't
wanna mess this up, right?

23
00:00:59,143 --> 00:01:00,811
There's a consensus.
People are happy.

24
00:01:00,895 --> 00:01:01,896
(Phone ringing)

25
00:01:04,982 --> 00:01:05,983
(Phone ringing continues)

26
00:01:07,193 --> 00:01:08,694
Dwight schrute.

27
00:01:11,906 --> 00:01:12,907
Yes, I would.

28
00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:15,993
Dwight: Thank you.

29
00:01:17,078 --> 00:01:20,331
Jordan, gather my
things from my desk.

30
00:01:31,676 --> 00:01:32,676
Wait.

31
00:01:32,718 --> 00:01:33,719
(Door slams)

32
00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:39,100
What have you done?

33
00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:44,605
Mose?

34
00:01:45,356 --> 00:01:47,692
You'll never guess
where I am right now.

35
00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:48,776
(Mose screams)

36
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:24,645
(Knocking)

37
00:02:26,272 --> 00:02:27,732
Can't stay there all day.

38
00:02:27,982 --> 00:02:29,233
I'm coming.

39
00:02:30,860 --> 00:02:33,070
Do I at least get to go
with you in this fantasy?

40
00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:35,573
You'd slow me down.

41
00:02:35,865 --> 00:02:39,243
Dwight has been acting
manager for three months now.

42
00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:42,913
No, a week. Just
feels like three months.

43
00:02:43,539 --> 00:02:46,042
Let's see. We all have
to punch into a time clock,

44
00:02:46,125 --> 00:02:48,419
which is very old, very strong,

45
00:02:48,586 --> 00:02:50,921
and has the slot about
the size of a finger.

46
00:02:51,088 --> 00:02:53,007
We were all given
new business cards,

47
00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:55,676
big enough to set us
apart from the competition.

48
00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:58,929
Which is howl learned that our
titles are all now junior employee.

49
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:02,892
Our lunch breaks are
staggered to prevent wasting time.

50
00:03:03,392 --> 00:03:06,145
Mine's at 10:30 and I
find that the first hour

51
00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:07,938
of the day goes by a lot quicker

52
00:03:08,022 --> 00:03:10,149
than the second seven hours.

53
00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:11,776
Stop stalling!

54
00:03:15,112 --> 00:03:16,447
Come on.

55
00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:23,996
All: I pledge allegiance to the
flag of the United States of America

56
00:03:24,205 --> 00:03:26,624
and to the republic
for which it stands,

57
00:03:27,166 --> 00:03:31,128
one nation under god,
indivisible,

58
00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:33,839
with Liberty and
justice for all.

59
00:03:33,923 --> 00:03:34,924
Justice for all.

60
00:03:35,007 --> 00:03:36,217
Amen. Dwight: Excellent.

61
00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:38,010
Morning announcements.

62
00:03:38,094 --> 00:03:41,305
There's been a problem with
some people sharing copier codes.

63
00:03:41,389 --> 00:03:45,309
Your copier code is a distinct
21-digit number that is unique to you

64
00:03:45,393 --> 00:03:47,728
and you only, okay?
Don't share it.

65
00:03:47,812 --> 00:03:50,123
Jo Bennett, our ceo, will be
here today for a high-level meeting

66
00:03:50,147 --> 00:03:51,190
involving Gabe and myself.

67
00:03:51,273 --> 00:03:52,400
Ooh! About what?

68
00:03:52,858 --> 00:03:54,151
That's on a need-to-know basis.

69
00:03:54,443 --> 00:03:56,320
I thought I needed to
know for your calendar.

70
00:03:57,196 --> 00:03:58,239
General meet and greet.

71
00:03:59,156 --> 00:04:00,717
So I expect you to be
on your best behavior,

72
00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:03,327
which means none of
you will be insubordinate,

73
00:04:03,411 --> 00:04:05,579
nor will you
foment insurrection.

74
00:04:05,663 --> 00:04:08,249
Question. If we've already
fomented insurrection,

75
00:04:08,332 --> 00:04:09,542
may we be grandfathered in?

76
00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:12,002
Define "foment."

77
00:04:12,086 --> 00:04:13,087
You define "foment."

78
00:04:17,550 --> 00:04:18,551
(Clears throat)

79
00:04:19,385 --> 00:04:21,585
Dwight: Please take note
of the new color-coding system.

80
00:04:24,473 --> 00:04:25,516
Ah-ha!

81
00:04:25,558 --> 00:04:27,198
Oh, mygom what is
wrong with you? Got you!

82
00:04:27,268 --> 00:04:28,269
Why are you late?

83
00:04:28,352 --> 00:04:29,413
It's none of your business,
actually.

84
00:04:29,437 --> 00:04:30,688
It's very medical and personal.

85
00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:32,314
All right.

86
00:04:32,731 --> 00:04:35,568
You stop me when I
reach the diseased area.

87
00:04:44,535 --> 00:04:46,579
In fairness, Darryl did
tell me thatjoke, so...

88
00:04:46,704 --> 00:04:48,789
(Laughing) Oh! Darryl's funny.

89
00:04:48,873 --> 00:04:50,374
Andy: I know, right? Hey, Andy?

90
00:04:50,541 --> 00:04:52,042
Yeah? Can I talk to you a second

91
00:04:52,126 --> 00:04:53,544
about these client memos?

92
00:04:53,878 --> 00:04:54,962
Sure.

93
00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:56,046
(Phone ringing)

94
00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:03,179
Andy: What's going on?

95
00:05:06,015 --> 00:05:07,295
Are you still in love with Erin?

96
00:05:07,933 --> 00:05:08,934
What?

97
00:05:09,018 --> 00:05:10,019
Because I am.

98
00:05:10,436 --> 00:05:13,606
(Crying) I need to get her
back. I can't be alone anymore.

99
00:05:14,148 --> 00:05:16,901
Andy, do you like being
alone with me right now?

100
00:05:17,443 --> 00:05:18,861
No, this is horrifying.
Gabe: No,

101
00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:21,822
idonthke being alone
with me, either. Okay?

102
00:05:21,906 --> 00:05:23,866
I have to get Erin back.

103
00:05:23,949 --> 00:05:25,743
Are you still gonna date her?

104
00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,703
We're just friends, okay?

105
00:05:27,786 --> 00:05:29,413
Do you promise that?

106
00:05:29,914 --> 00:05:32,458
Yeah, fine, I promise.
We'll never date again.

107
00:05:32,541 --> 00:05:33,876
Can we go outside now?

108
00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:35,336
No, just give me a second.

109
00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:38,047
I don't want anyone to
know I've been crying.

110
00:05:46,889 --> 00:05:48,825
Hey, hey, hey, hey. What
do you think you're doing?

111
00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:50,142
What's this? What's the fist?

112
00:05:50,392 --> 00:05:51,852
It's just a social club.

113
00:05:51,936 --> 00:05:54,331
Like the French revolution or
the black panthers or communism.

114
00:05:54,355 --> 00:05:57,107
It's just a club. Guys talking.

115
00:05:57,441 --> 00:05:59,722
You expect me to believe
that you're starting a rebellion?

116
00:05:59,777 --> 00:06:01,654
Nope, social club. God, I hate

117
00:06:01,779 --> 00:06:03,179
when everybody
calls us a rebellion.

118
00:06:07,743 --> 00:06:10,329
Okay, you know what? I
would love to join the fist.

119
00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:13,791
And we would love to have you, but
not today. Unfortunately, it's a bad day,

120
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,644
what with operation
overth row and everything.

121
00:06:15,668 --> 00:06:18,295
But I have noted it.

122
00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:35,229
One.

123
00:06:35,312 --> 00:06:39,775
(Copier beeping)

124
00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:50,869
Pam, I have to
show you this video.

125
00:06:51,370 --> 00:06:54,748
You're gonna love it. It's
beyonce falling with a fart mixed in.

126
00:06:55,499 --> 00:06:56,500
(Computer beeps)

127
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:04,216
I will never be
happier than I am right now.

128
00:07:04,842 --> 00:07:06,302
I will also never be less happy.

129
00:07:06,385 --> 00:07:09,888
I will be at my current maximum
happiness for the rest of my life.

130
00:07:09,972 --> 00:07:13,684
Because I am manager of the
Scranton branch of dunder Mifflin.

131
00:07:15,519 --> 00:07:16,854
Acting manager.

132
00:07:20,149 --> 00:07:23,861
No food now? Someone has
to do something about Dwight.

133
00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:27,114
He put some snacks
in the freezer for us.

134
00:07:27,197 --> 00:07:29,199
You mean the frozen
mice for the piranha?

135
00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:31,619
No, the queberry slurpy pouch.

136
00:07:31,827 --> 00:07:33,621
Hmm. He means the ice pack.

137
00:07:34,455 --> 00:07:36,415
2:00 should probably be okay.

138
00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:38,959
I can either take
your number or...

139
00:07:39,043 --> 00:07:40,123
I'm sorry, this can't wait.

140
00:07:40,336 --> 00:07:41,354
He's just gonna call back.

141
00:07:41,378 --> 00:07:43,380
Erin, I am in love with you.

142
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,634
I don't believe in much, okay?

143
00:07:46,717 --> 00:07:50,054
I don't believe in horoscopes.
I don't believe in Christmas.

144
00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:52,056
I sure as he”
don't believe in god.

145
00:07:53,432 --> 00:07:54,558
What?

146
00:07:54,725 --> 00:07:55,869
Or maybe there's
a god, I don't know.

147
00:07:55,893 --> 00:07:58,062
It's just not a guy
with a long, white beard.

148
00:07:59,605 --> 00:08:03,901
Or it could be. It's possible
that that is exactly what god is.

149
00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:07,905
But for all of the disbelief, I
believe in us. (Phone ringing)

150
00:08:08,864 --> 00:08:10,157
Ibeheveinlove.

151
00:08:11,075 --> 00:08:13,911
You have made me believe
that for all of the hokum

152
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,412
out there... (Phone ringing)

153
00:08:16,914 --> 00:08:18,040
Do we not have voicemail?

154
00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:21,043
Dwight doesn't trust robots
to give us our messages.

155
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,338
Well,

156
00:08:24,421 --> 00:08:25,422
it just...

157
00:08:25,756 --> 00:08:27,716
It messes up my rhythm, but...

158
00:08:28,634 --> 00:08:30,678
I'm taking a break from dating.

159
00:08:30,761 --> 00:08:34,223
Gabe was a great guy with
so many wonderful qualities,

160
00:08:34,306 --> 00:08:36,892
but it was a challenge
being touched by him.

161
00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:39,687
Wow, you've really embraced
the whole bond villain aesthetic.

162
00:08:39,978 --> 00:08:41,313
Jim, Jim, Jim.

163
00:08:41,397 --> 00:08:42,898
The gun is a beaumont Adams.

164
00:08:43,273 --> 00:08:46,151
Jo collects them. I thought we could
have some nice small talk about it.

165
00:08:46,235 --> 00:08:48,320
And the piranha's a rescue.

166
00:08:48,779 --> 00:08:49,780
And the desk.

167
00:08:50,114 --> 00:08:53,367
The desk is a replica of uday Hussein's
desk. I saw a picture in newsweek.

168
00:08:53,701 --> 00:08:55,595
Listen, I'm a very busy man,
let's get right down to business.

169
00:08:55,619 --> 00:08:57,204
Okay. Jo is coming later today.

170
00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:59,665
I cannot have a subordinate
trying to make me look stupid.

171
00:08:59,748 --> 00:09:02,310
Okay? I need you to promise me
that you'll be on your best behavior.

172
00:09:02,334 --> 00:09:06,505
I promised other people that
I'd be on my worst behavior.

173
00:09:06,588 --> 00:09:07,788
And I gave them my word, so...

174
00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:09,383
Don't make me fire you.

175
00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:12,511
You can't fire me. You're acting
manager, not office manager,

176
00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:14,012
so you have no firing powers.

177
00:09:14,805 --> 00:09:16,056
Don't make me pre-fire you.

178
00:09:16,140 --> 00:09:17,474
You wouldn't dare.

179
00:09:17,641 --> 00:09:20,728
Watch this. You're pre-fi red.

180
00:09:20,811 --> 00:09:23,605
And when I'm promoted,
you'll be full-fired.

181
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:26,942
If you get promoted.

182
00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:28,985
And if you haven't fallen
in love with me by then.

183
00:09:29,153 --> 00:09:30,154
What?

184
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:31,965
If I had thought that
there was a real chance

185
00:09:31,989 --> 00:09:33,615
that Dwight would
be permanent manager,

186
00:09:33,699 --> 00:09:35,367
I would have pre-quit.

187
00:09:35,451 --> 00:09:36,511
And you might be
saying to yourself,

188
00:09:36,535 --> 00:09:37,971
"well, that's pretty
premature to think."

189
00:09:37,995 --> 00:09:41,915
But I always say, "it's better
to be pre-pre-pre-prepared."

190
00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:44,376
How you doing, Jordan?

191
00:09:44,460 --> 00:09:45,502
I'm good.

192
00:09:45,753 --> 00:09:47,313
Everyone here thinks
that you're a joke.

193
00:09:47,546 --> 00:09:49,649
They think that you were hired
because of your good looks,

194
00:09:49,673 --> 00:09:50,924
which won't last long anyway.

195
00:09:51,008 --> 00:09:53,093
As your pale skin and
severe bone structure imply,

196
00:09:53,177 --> 00:09:54,553
youwlage swiftly and poorly.

197
00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:56,221
Why are you telling me this?

198
00:09:56,388 --> 00:09:59,224
Now I want you to find out
what people are saying about me.

199
00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:02,352
Things they don't
want me to know about.

200
00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:07,024
(Gasps)

201
00:10:11,695 --> 00:10:12,946
It's a holster.

202
00:10:18,869 --> 00:10:20,704
Yep-yep, yep, yep-

203
00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:24,833
looking good.

204
00:10:25,918 --> 00:10:26,919
(Groaning)

205
00:10:29,797 --> 00:10:32,549
What a day. What a day.

206
00:10:33,342 --> 00:10:35,511
Dwight, are you carrying a gun?

207
00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:38,347
The holster was a gift
from my great-uncle, honk.

208
00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:40,641
I don't know. I guess he's
saying that he's proud of me.

209
00:10:41,225 --> 00:10:43,477
Dwight, guns make me
really uncomfortable.

210
00:10:43,894 --> 00:10:46,021
The gun is just an accessory
to the holster, okay?

211
00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:48,482
I can't walk around
wearing an empty holster.

212
00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:50,317
Why do you need to
wear the holster at all?

213
00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:51,586
Why do you need to keep wearing

214
00:10:51,610 --> 00:10:52,879
those booby shirts all the time?

215
00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:53,904
Thank you.

216
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:55,823
You could put your
cell phone in it instead.

217
00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:57,658
Hello.

218
00:10:58,033 --> 00:10:59,576
You could put a banana in it.

219
00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:01,245
Why would I put
a banana in my holster?

220
00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:04,873
In case you weren't hungry
now, but you got hungry later.

221
00:11:05,457 --> 00:11:08,126
Dwight, no gun, okay?
Don't make us call Jo.

222
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:11,088
Okay, all right, fine.
Everyone calm down.

223
00:11:11,797 --> 00:11:13,757
Someone, get me a banana.

224
00:11:13,882 --> 00:11:15,042
Sorry I freaked you guys out.

225
00:11:15,092 --> 00:11:16,093
(Gun fires) (All exclaim)

226
00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:17,302
Andy!

227
00:11:17,386 --> 00:11:18,929
Ow! God!

228
00:11:20,264 --> 00:11:21,723
It's so loud!

229
00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:25,936
My god.

230
00:11:26,895 --> 00:11:29,356
There is a hardwood floor
underneath this carpeting.

231
00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:30,691
Why would they do that?

232
00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:32,526
(Humming)

233
00:11:32,651 --> 00:11:35,779
There's like this crazy
ringing going on. I can't...

234
00:11:36,154 --> 00:11:38,949
(Sings)

235
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,284
I can't find perfect c.

236
00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:43,036
Okay, everyone make a list
of what's lost for the insurance.

237
00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:45,289
I lost a necklace,
a ring, a painting.

238
00:11:45,497 --> 00:11:46,790
Hey, what happened?

239
00:11:46,874 --> 00:11:48,101
Dwight went on a shooting spree

240
00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:49,435
and then he shot
Andy in the head.

241
00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:52,796
No, no, no. All we know is that
a gun fired. That's all we know.

242
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:56,049
No, that's not true. Actually,
we heard a loud noise,

243
00:11:56,133 --> 00:11:59,136
later a hole was seen. No one
saw the bullet leave the gun.

244
00:11:59,303 --> 00:12:01,972
(Sings)

245
00:12:03,849 --> 00:12:05,009
Something's definitely wrong.

246
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:07,269
I'll look on webmd.
What are your symptoms?

247
00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:09,980
Everybody, Oscar found a
reason to look on webmd.

248
00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:12,441
Fuewau icantreachjo.

249
00:12:12,524 --> 00:12:13,710
She must already
be on the plane.

250
00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:14,894
Okay, why are you calling Jo?

251
00:12:14,985 --> 00:12:16,129
I think I should
go to the hospital.

252
00:12:16,153 --> 00:12:17,553
I'll go with you.
Gabe: (Loudly) No!

253
00:12:18,989 --> 00:12:21,992
We really shouldn't be without a
receptionist. Now more than ever.

254
00:12:22,117 --> 00:12:23,118
Darryl: I'll take him.

255
00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:25,329
Thank you, Darryl.

256
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:32,961
What's wrong with you?

257
00:12:33,295 --> 00:12:34,922
Yeah. It's my ear.

258
00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:36,006
(Softly) Okay, sorry.

259
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:40,385
I should get
the accident report binder.

260
00:12:40,469 --> 00:12:43,430
I've never used the gun
violence forms before.

261
00:12:43,722 --> 00:12:45,432
Gabe: I'm gonna keep trying Jo.

262
00:12:45,515 --> 00:12:48,894
Okay, everyone,
conference room! Right now!

263
00:12:52,773 --> 00:12:54,274
Yee-haw!

264
00:12:54,358 --> 00:12:55,525
Woo-hoo!

265
00:12:55,609 --> 00:12:57,277
(Imitates gun)

266
00:12:57,361 --> 00:12:59,196
Howdy, partners.

267
00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:02,574
It's me, gun safety Dwight.

268
00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:04,785
And I'm the rootin'-est...

269
00:13:04,868 --> 00:13:06,453
(Speaking normally)
I can't do this.

270
00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:08,789
Look, obviously a gun
went off under my watch

271
00:13:08,872 --> 00:13:10,707
and I'm launching
a full investigation.

272
00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:12,167
We all saw you do it.

273
00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:13,627
Really? You did?

274
00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:16,310
What hand was I holding the gun
in? What did Andy's tie look like?

275
00:13:16,380 --> 00:13:18,382
Navy blue, little red anchors.

276
00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:20,025
I have no way of
knowing if that's true.

277
00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:22,469
I am supposed to collect
eyewitness accounts.

278
00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:24,388
Who saw Dwight do this?

279
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:25,472
Dwight: Okay, really?

280
00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:27,315
Would you consider this
a terrorist incident?

281
00:13:27,391 --> 00:13:28,392
I felt terrorized.

282
00:13:28,725 --> 00:13:29,725
Come on.

283
00:13:29,768 --> 00:13:31,848
Oh! There's a whole other
terrorism booklet for that.

284
00:13:31,895 --> 00:13:33,188
I just really, really think

285
00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:34,666
that we should handle
this internally.

286
00:13:34,690 --> 00:13:36,483
Dwight, why is it
on us to protect you?

287
00:13:36,566 --> 00:13:40,070
Because you guys are my
best friends. And I mean that.

288
00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:42,447
Managing you for this last week

289
00:13:42,531 --> 00:13:44,700
has been the greatest
honor of my life.

290
00:13:44,783 --> 00:13:48,286
And if you ruin this, I will
burn this office to the ground.

291
00:13:49,413 --> 00:13:51,665
And I mean that
figuratively, not literally.

292
00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:55,043
Because you guys are so,
so important to me.

293
00:13:55,419 --> 00:13:56,586
I love you guys,

294
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:59,756
but don't cross me,
but you're the best.

295
00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:02,759
Andy: Hey.

296
00:14:03,385 --> 00:14:04,594
We're back.

297
00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:07,014
There he is, our hero.

298
00:14:07,097 --> 00:14:08,557
You look fantastic.
How you doing?

299
00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:10,159
Dwight: Here, tell us
your war stories.

300
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:11,935
Well, I burst my ear drum.

301
00:14:13,729 --> 00:14:15,647
Doctor said it could
take weeks to heal.

302
00:14:15,939 --> 00:14:16,958
Did they say what caused it?

303
00:14:16,982 --> 00:14:19,462
'Cause I know you like putting
q-tips deep into your ear canal.

304
00:14:19,943 --> 00:14:21,778
Yeah. How's your hearing?

305
00:14:22,029 --> 00:14:24,531
Temporary deafness in
one ear. It was both ears.

306
00:14:24,614 --> 00:14:25,967
I couldn't hear a
thing Darryl was saying

307
00:14:25,991 --> 00:14:27,271
when we were in
the waiting room.

308
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:29,911
I was talking like this...

309
00:14:29,995 --> 00:14:31,872
(Mouthing)

310
00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:33,790
I don't feel good about it,

311
00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:35,709
but he just kept calling himself

312
00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:37,794
a gunshot victim,
and it got to me.

313
00:14:38,295 --> 00:14:39,963
Dwight, I would like
tomorrow off so that

314
00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:41,757
I can go on my
American idol audition.

315
00:14:41,923 --> 00:14:43,425
American idol? What? No.

316
00:14:43,508 --> 00:14:45,427
Okay, I guess I can just not go.

317
00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:46,750
Do you guys wanna hear my solo?

318
00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:51,641
J“ why did my temporary boss
go on a shooting spree? J“

319
00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:53,578
okay, fine, you can go
on your singing audition.

320
00:14:53,602 --> 00:14:55,812
Okay, well, then I want
an extra vacation day.

321
00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:58,231
Pet day. I want pet
day back, no dogs.

322
00:14:58,523 --> 00:15:01,151
Put back everything in the
vending machine, except the fruit.

323
00:15:01,276 --> 00:15:02,795
I put everything back
in the vending machine.

324
00:15:02,819 --> 00:15:06,740
Put everything back in the
vending machine, except the fruit.

325
00:15:07,324 --> 00:15:09,326
You have to get rid
of all your weapons.

326
00:15:09,493 --> 00:15:11,495
All of them,
including killer fish.

327
00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:13,497
Okay.

328
00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:18,668
Is it my turn? Oof. I'm
on the spot, I don't know.

329
00:15:18,794 --> 00:15:20,921
Um. You know what?
I think I'm good.

330
00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:23,298
Thank god. No. When Jo's here,

331
00:15:23,381 --> 00:15:24,883
can you work in
"shagadelic, baby"

332
00:15:24,966 --> 00:15:26,760
at least three times in
the conversation? Oh!

333
00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:28,720
And when I cough,
can you do jazz hands?

334
00:15:29,179 --> 00:15:30,722
What's jazz hands?

335
00:15:32,682 --> 00:15:33,767
Fine.

336
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:35,685
(Toiliet flushing)

337
00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:50,742
What the (beep) Is that?

338
00:15:51,535 --> 00:15:52,869
Oh, my...

339
00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:56,289
Jo: Hey, all!

340
00:15:56,373 --> 00:15:59,209
Cornelius, bobo, have at it.

341
00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:00,669
Nobody let my
dogs hump each other.

342
00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:02,394
They don't seem to
know they're brothers.

343
00:16:02,504 --> 00:16:04,131
Hello, Jo. Welcome.

344
00:16:04,256 --> 00:16:05,382
Shall we begin?

345
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:06,800
Slow yourself down there.

346
00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:09,928
Just like a man, wants to jump right
into it while I still got my socks on.

347
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:13,473
Jim Halpert, the only
man to ever turn me down.

348
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,892
I don't know about that.
Just wasn't for me.

349
00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:20,272
But let me assure you, Dwight
is firing on all cylinders, right?

350
00:16:20,355 --> 00:16:22,440
Well, they're some
pretty big shoes to fill.

351
00:16:22,524 --> 00:16:24,234
I was sorry to
hear about Deangelo.

352
00:16:24,401 --> 00:16:26,111
He was a good man.
It was tragic.

353
00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:27,195
(Coughing)

354
00:16:29,906 --> 00:16:32,242
Well, what can you do? Life.

355
00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:35,370
Andy: We have to
clean this up, now.

356
00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:36,538
She had so much...

357
00:16:36,621 --> 00:16:38,206
Hey, guys. Hey.

358
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:40,025
Hope I'm not
interrupting anything.

359
00:16:40,083 --> 00:16:41,293
(Both laughing)

360
00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:45,231
Hey, Andy, did you tell Erin
about our conversation earlier

361
00:16:45,255 --> 00:16:47,335
when you said you would
never want to date her again?

362
00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:56,490
I just thought that it was so
interesting that you promised that.

363
00:16:57,309 --> 00:16:59,436
Did I say that earlier?

364
00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:01,771
Yes, I did.

365
00:17:03,231 --> 00:17:05,317
Because you, Gabe, were crying.

366
00:17:05,609 --> 00:17:07,319
No, I was not.

367
00:17:07,444 --> 00:17:09,196
And sobbing
uncontrollably. Yes. Uh-huh.

368
00:17:09,321 --> 00:17:12,699
You were in hysterics and
my maternal instincts kicked in.

369
00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:15,368
Is it actually how I feel?

370
00:17:18,747 --> 00:17:19,789
Yes.

371
00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:22,167
Or no.

372
00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:26,379
That is between me and my diary.

373
00:17:34,930 --> 00:17:36,741
Oscar, can you print out
last year's sales statements?

374
00:17:36,765 --> 00:17:38,391
Sure. Hey, Dwight,

375
00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:40,352
give me a back massage.
No, Kevin. Come on.

376
00:17:40,477 --> 00:17:42,771
My back is sore,
Dwight. Massage it.

377
00:17:42,854 --> 00:17:44,105
Kevin, not now.

378
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,066
Hey, Jo... okay, okay.

379
00:17:47,692 --> 00:17:49,736
No, under the jacket.

380
00:17:50,528 --> 00:17:52,197
You're kidding me.

381
00:17:52,656 --> 00:17:55,242
Oh, god, what am I
touching? It's moist.

382
00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:57,077
Kevin: I don't feel anything.

383
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:58,245
Dwight: It's wet.

384
00:17:58,745 --> 00:17:59,829
Push harder, Dwight.

385
00:17:59,996 --> 00:18:01,081
I can't.

386
00:18:01,164 --> 00:18:02,791
I can't push harder.

387
00:18:02,874 --> 00:18:04,251
Go a little higher.

388
00:18:05,877 --> 00:18:06,878
There.

389
00:18:06,962 --> 00:18:07,962
There you go. No, higher.

390
00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:09,464
I can't...

391
00:18:09,547 --> 00:18:10,590
Higher.

392
00:18:12,175 --> 00:18:13,635
Oh, my god. There we go.

393
00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:15,387
How's that? Kneadit

394
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:16,596
knead it like a pizza.

395
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:17,681
I'm kneading it.

396
00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:19,516
Kevin: But don't eat it.

397
00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:21,309
Okay.

398
00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:23,687
Dwight, walk me out.

399
00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:29,526
Let's talk soon. And stay
on top of these people.

400
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:30,902
You've got to admit it,

401
00:18:30,986 --> 00:18:33,196
it's nice to have a little
power, eh? How's it feel?

402
00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:42,372
I accidentally fired
a gun in the office today.

403
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:43,957
What? I am telling you this

404
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:45,709
because I care too
much about this job

405
00:18:45,834 --> 00:18:47,460
to be blackmailed
into doing it poorly.

406
00:18:48,420 --> 00:18:50,672
All I've ever wanted
is to be manager here.

407
00:18:50,755 --> 00:18:52,799
And if you feel like
you cannot promote me

408
00:18:52,882 --> 00:18:55,468
over this one accident,
I understand.

409
00:18:55,677 --> 00:18:57,357
But if you think that
extortion is worse...

410
00:18:57,429 --> 00:19:00,807
Shooting is worse.
Are you kidding me?

411
00:19:01,057 --> 00:19:05,020
It's not even in the same... you
shot a gun? What is wrong with you?

412
00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:06,688
It was a beaumont Adams,
if that helps.

413
00:19:06,771 --> 00:19:08,064
Beaumont Adams is a girl's gun.

414
00:19:08,189 --> 00:19:09,469
That just makes it plain stupid.

415
00:19:09,524 --> 00:19:10,775
I take full responsibility.

416
00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:12,277
Who else would be responsible?

417
00:19:12,777 --> 00:19:15,196
Pam made me put
a banana in my holster.

418
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:16,656
You shot a gun off.

419
00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:18,158
Okay, did I make a mistake?

420
00:19:18,241 --> 00:19:19,409
Yes.

421
00:19:19,534 --> 00:19:22,245
Do I regret the decision
that I made? Yes.

422
00:19:22,412 --> 00:19:26,041
Stop asking yourself easy questions
so you can look like a genius.

423
00:19:26,249 --> 00:19:27,249
Got it.

424
00:19:27,292 --> 00:19:28,293
I love you, Dwight.

425
00:19:28,793 --> 00:19:30,920
But you don't fit this job.

426
00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:33,757
Jo, please.

427
00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:35,675
No. No, child. I will...

428
00:19:37,761 --> 00:19:38,803
It's over.

429
00:19:40,430 --> 00:19:42,766
Now I've got to find a
replacement for my replacement.

430
00:19:53,568 --> 00:19:55,528
You three are my
search committee.

431
00:19:56,196 --> 00:19:58,448
You're in charge of finding
me my next manager.

432
00:19:58,948 --> 00:20:00,825
All right-y? (All) Yeah.

433
00:20:01,284 --> 00:20:04,037
Till then, we need a
new acting manager.

434
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:06,373
Now who's got the most
experience in this office?

435
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:09,876
Uh, well...

436
00:20:10,001 --> 00:20:12,295
We probably don't
wanna go just on seniority.

437
00:20:12,629 --> 00:20:13,880
Who is it?

438
00:20:19,177 --> 00:20:21,346
Hey, Dwight? What's up?

439
00:20:21,971 --> 00:20:22,972
Shut up.

440
00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:24,057
Okay. Well...

441
00:20:24,474 --> 00:20:27,227
You do know that Jo was right to
take the job away from you, right?

442
00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:29,062
There's no debating that.

443
00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:32,982
But I will say,
in your one week,

444
00:20:33,066 --> 00:20:34,906
every single one of the
orders went out on time

445
00:20:36,027 --> 00:20:38,863
and I think that
is shagadelic, baby.

446
00:20:57,340 --> 00:20:58,383
Foun (copier beeping)

447
00:20:58,466 --> 00:20:59,551
One,

448
00:20:59,634 --> 00:21:00,802
seven,

449
00:21:00,885 --> 00:21:02,262
one. Another one?

450
00:21:02,345 --> 00:21:03,346
(Both) Yes!

451
00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:04,514
Seven_.

452
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:05,991
Could you turn the volume
down on the beeping?

453
00:21:06,015 --> 00:21:07,350
Six, nine.

454
00:21:07,517 --> 00:21:08,852
Shut up, Oscar. Eight.

455
00:21:08,893 --> 00:21:10,311
Nine first, put the nine. Nine.

456
00:21:10,395 --> 00:21:12,105
Eight. Five.

457
00:21:12,188 --> 00:21:13,188
Thank you.

458
00:21:13,231 --> 00:21:14,482
Three,

459
00:21:14,566 --> 00:21:15,859
zero,

460
00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:18,486
zero, again. Zero.

461
00:21:18,570 --> 00:21:19,612
Okay.

462
00:21:19,696 --> 00:21:21,030
Foun

463
00:21:21,114 --> 00:21:22,365
six. Nice.

464
00:21:22,449 --> 00:21:23,533
Two, one.

465
00:21:23,658 --> 00:21:24,802
I hit three,
I hit three instead.

466
00:21:24,826 --> 00:21:25,827
God!