1 00:00:05,338 --> 00:00:07,757 Hey, everybody! It's closing time! 2 00:00:08,383 --> 00:00:10,677 You don't gotta go home, but you can't stay here. 3 00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:18,810 Closing time! 4 00:00:19,394 --> 00:00:22,480 Every office needs an end-of-the-day tradition. 5 00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:24,607 Something to tell you the day's over. 6 00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:27,152 Othennise, you go home and the night just feels like more day. 7 00:00:27,235 --> 00:00:28,278 It's weird. 8 00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:29,571 Closing time! 9 00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:30,905 W, r, k. 10 00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:32,740 One last call for alcohol so... 11 00:00:32,824 --> 00:00:34,993 No, it's w, r, k, as in kitten? 12 00:00:35,076 --> 00:00:36,387 So finish your whiskey or beer! 13 00:00:36,411 --> 00:00:37,680 Oh, my boss is singing closing time, 14 00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:38,931 maybe that's what you're hearing. 15 00:00:38,955 --> 00:00:39,956 Andy: Come on, Pam! 16 00:00:40,039 --> 00:00:41,708 Both: Closing time! 17 00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:48,673 Time for you to go home to the places you will be from 18 00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:53,094 let's see, Andy has been manager for 105 days, 19 00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:58,266 which means I've heard closing time 105 times. 20 00:00:58,933 --> 00:01:01,019 Still don't know the words. 21 00:01:03,021 --> 00:01:05,398 Home and home and home 22 00:01:06,399 --> 00:01:10,778 I know who I want to take me home! 23 00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:15,742 I know who I want to take me home 24 00:01:16,618 --> 00:01:21,080 I know who I want to take me home 25 00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:22,999 take me home 26 00:01:25,877 --> 00:01:28,588 you know what? Fine! I try to start fun traditions for you guys, 27 00:01:28,671 --> 00:01:31,257 but if you don't want to sing, no traditions! 28 00:01:32,175 --> 00:01:34,427 Closing time! 29 00:01:34,969 --> 00:01:36,971 Every new beginning... 30 00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:41,601 I never heard that song before and once I heard it, I did not care for it. 31 00:01:41,684 --> 00:01:44,479 But that song means it's time to go home. 32 00:01:44,854 --> 00:01:47,398 Now, it's my favorite song. 33 00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:54,948 Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end 34 00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:56,658 good night! 35 00:02:28,147 --> 00:02:30,567 This report is atrocious. Who's your favorite iron chef? 36 00:02:31,025 --> 00:02:32,485 You go first. 37 00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:37,365 The ticketing software paints a picture 38 00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:41,452 of a sloppy, careless, error-prone office. 39 00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:45,206 Well, the monitoring software is a double-edged sword. 40 00:02:45,373 --> 00:02:46,583 Sometimes the... 41 00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:47,875 Sorry. Go ahead. 42 00:02:48,376 --> 00:02:49,711 Mmm-hmm. 43 00:02:52,088 --> 00:02:53,715 Did you need something from us? 44 00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:55,883 Yes. 45 00:02:58,136 --> 00:03:00,263 Your attention, because_. 46 00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:04,892 No. That is all. 47 00:03:11,816 --> 00:03:14,110 Last night, I dreamed that the number two 48 00:03:14,235 --> 00:03:16,571 was the most valued number in the world. 49 00:03:17,196 --> 00:03:19,240 The vice president had all the power, 50 00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:21,743 athletes fought for silver medals, 51 00:03:21,951 --> 00:03:23,995 women were considered the best gender. 52 00:03:24,454 --> 00:03:28,207 And stadiums of fans shouted, "we're number two!" 53 00:03:30,501 --> 00:03:32,587 As with all my dreams, I'm guessing 54 00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:34,839 it was about my fear of immigrants. 55 00:03:35,506 --> 00:03:37,342 Last week, an accounting mistake resulted in 56 00:03:37,425 --> 00:03:39,177 a client getting their order for free. 57 00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:41,679 Ohh! That's not good. 58 00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:44,265 Chalk that one up to "tweedle-Dee" and "tweedle-dum" out there. 59 00:03:44,682 --> 00:03:46,601 Who are they? They're both Kevin. 60 00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:48,686 Oscar's the sex and the city gang, 61 00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:50,688 and Angela, if you can... 62 00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:53,858 Andy, sometimes I feel like you don't know me at all. 63 00:03:54,275 --> 00:03:55,276 I would agree with that. 64 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,779 Simply end the mistakes. 65 00:03:58,363 --> 00:03:59,364 End the mistakes. Easy. 66 00:03:59,447 --> 00:04:03,534 When I come back next week, and this report shows me "no mistakes," 67 00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:06,412 we can talk about names all day. 68 00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:09,207 Our favorite names, silly made-up names, 69 00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:12,627 normal names said in a silly voice. Wouldn't that be nice? 70 00:04:13,461 --> 00:04:14,462 I would like that. 71 00:04:14,545 --> 00:04:16,172 End the mistakes. 72 00:04:16,506 --> 00:04:18,132 That's all I ask. 73 00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:21,803 And you can't have a favorite iron chef. 74 00:04:21,886 --> 00:04:24,931 It depends entirely on the secret ingredient. 75 00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:29,477 Sometimes I feel you don't know food at all. 76 00:04:34,315 --> 00:04:35,793 I'm just saying, with the NBA lockout, 77 00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:37,961 I think roller derby's in a really good place right now. 78 00:04:37,985 --> 00:04:41,656 So, my pitch is, me, Pam, you and someone else, 79 00:04:41,989 --> 00:04:43,366 maybe justine... 80 00:04:44,325 --> 00:04:45,952 No. Not justine. 81 00:04:46,494 --> 00:04:47,662 Neverjusfine. 82 00:04:47,995 --> 00:04:49,038 Is that off again? 83 00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:50,206 Oh, yeah. Okay. 84 00:04:50,289 --> 00:04:53,334 Hey, mandatory warehouse safety meeting today. 85 00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:56,212 We don't really do those. We just sign the thing. 86 00:04:56,838 --> 00:04:58,214 Are you really this lazy? 87 00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:01,467 I'll be there. 88 00:05:03,010 --> 00:05:04,345 Hey. Hey. 89 00:05:05,471 --> 00:05:07,140 Mondays suck! 90 00:05:07,306 --> 00:05:08,641 Yeah. Yep. 91 00:05:11,686 --> 00:05:13,354 Just trying to... 92 00:05:16,023 --> 00:05:19,694 I may have a little solution to our mistakes problem. 93 00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:22,989 This is a project I've been working on for quite some time. 94 00:05:23,072 --> 00:05:25,116 And today might be the day to use it. 95 00:05:25,199 --> 00:05:26,242 What've you got? 96 00:05:26,868 --> 00:05:28,119 Allow me. 97 00:05:31,789 --> 00:05:33,708 You're gonna love this. 98 00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:36,854 Should've used a shorter string. 99 00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:38,118 Never mind, I know it by heart. 100 00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:42,425 It is a system that holds people accountable for everyone else's work. 101 00:05:42,884 --> 00:05:43,968 Sounds controversial. 102 00:05:44,385 --> 00:05:45,928 Have I not been worthy of your trust? 103 00:05:46,888 --> 00:05:49,056 Have I not been a reliable number two? 104 00:05:49,390 --> 00:05:51,017 Do not go there. 105 00:05:52,059 --> 00:05:54,270 You're the deuce I never want to drop. 106 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:56,814 Well, I can make this work. 107 00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:58,938 I'll set it up right now. I just need your go ahead. 108 00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:01,819 Go do the voodoo that you do so well! 109 00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:02,945 I will do my voodoo. 110 00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:04,197 Mmm-hmm. 111 00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:07,250 Hey. I need you to get the papen/vork rolling 112 00:06:07,366 --> 00:06:09,076 on a new workplace relationship. 113 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:10,161 Foryou? 114 00:06:10,244 --> 00:06:11,244 Yes, for Gabe. 115 00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:12,514 Who are you seeing? That's great. 116 00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:15,917 Whom I am seeing is val, from down in the warehouse. 117 00:06:16,542 --> 00:06:18,544 I'm not technically seeing her, 118 00:06:18,669 --> 00:06:20,671 but, I've seen her with the eyes. 119 00:06:20,755 --> 00:06:24,050 And there was attraction in at least one direction, so... 120 00:06:26,594 --> 00:06:29,597 You know, I don't have to do papennork unless you're actually dating. 121 00:06:30,097 --> 00:06:32,475 Okay. Well, once this starts, it's gonna be moving fast, 122 00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:34,161 it's gonna be hot and heavy, and I don't want 123 00:06:34,185 --> 00:06:35,686 a bunch of bureaucratic red tape 124 00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:37,230 wrapped around myjock, you know? 125 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,816 But I mean, well, have you talked to her? 126 00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:42,652 Yeah. We had a whole conversation about mondays. 127 00:06:43,152 --> 00:06:45,238 Do you know her last name yet? 128 00:06:45,321 --> 00:06:47,323 Toby, I'm gonna tell you her last name tomorrow, 129 00:06:47,406 --> 00:06:49,367 because she's gonna be screaming it tonight. 130 00:06:49,450 --> 00:06:51,369 She's gonna be screaming her own last name? 131 00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:53,329 Hey, watch it. 132 00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:55,998 Good luck, Gabe. 133 00:06:56,290 --> 00:06:57,458 Hi, guys. Hi. 134 00:06:57,542 --> 00:07:01,712 I just wanna say that you all have been doing amazing work, really. 135 00:07:01,796 --> 00:07:03,589 Thank you. And I'd like to add 136 00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:05,508 that your work has been a little sloppy. 137 00:07:05,633 --> 00:07:08,302 So, Dwight and I have implemented 138 00:07:08,427 --> 00:07:11,097 a new program that we like to call... 139 00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:12,890 Dwight? 140 00:07:13,015 --> 00:07:14,183 The accountability booster. 141 00:07:14,642 --> 00:07:17,728 It registers every time a mistake has been made in the office, 142 00:07:17,812 --> 00:07:20,648 from a late delivery, to an accounting error. 143 00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:24,151 Five strikes in a day equals a home run. 144 00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:25,987 One home run and you're out. 145 00:07:26,737 --> 00:07:29,824 If we as a group make five mistakes in a day, 146 00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:33,327 something bad happens. Like, we block minesweeper! 147 00:07:33,494 --> 00:07:36,247 Or, in this case, an e-mail gets sent to Robert California 148 00:07:36,330 --> 00:07:38,141 containing the consultant's report from last year. 149 00:07:38,165 --> 00:07:40,501 Remember the one that recommended the branch be shut down? 150 00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:42,670 All: What? And, as a failsafe, also, 151 00:07:42,753 --> 00:07:45,840 every negative e-mail you've ever written about him to the group 152 00:07:45,923 --> 00:07:47,109 will also be fonnarded to him. 153 00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:48,493 What e-mails are you talking about? 154 00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:52,889 Robert's favorite songs, creep by tlc, creep by radiohead. 155 00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:54,515 You remember that one, Jim? 156 00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:57,810 "There's no way he hasn't strangled at least one stripper." 157 00:07:57,894 --> 00:07:59,061 Oscar. 158 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:02,940 "He eats his yogurt like he is punishing it for disappointing him." 159 00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:04,108 Kelly. 160 00:08:04,191 --> 00:08:05,391 That's not that bad, actually. 161 00:08:05,693 --> 00:08:07,028 Ps, "we should kill him." 162 00:08:08,195 --> 00:08:10,656 Wait. So, you installed a doomsday device? 163 00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:12,450 No, it's an accountability booster. 164 00:08:12,533 --> 00:08:14,619 Which, when it goes off, it destroys everything, 165 00:08:14,702 --> 00:08:16,037 very similar to a doomsday device. 166 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:18,956 Jim, you're trying to make me sound like some kind of evil maniac. 167 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:22,001 No, the point is, is that we are now working in an environment 168 00:08:22,084 --> 00:08:25,379 where we have accountability to each other. 169 00:08:25,546 --> 00:08:28,257 I am confident that you guys are equal to the task. 170 00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:32,303 No, we're not. And you are a psycho who is ruining our lives. 171 00:08:32,386 --> 00:08:34,055 We can't do this, Dwight. We can't. 172 00:08:35,389 --> 00:08:36,724 Smile. 173 00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:38,768 Nod. Smile and nod. 174 00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:41,145 They're making me out to be a bond villain. 175 00:08:41,228 --> 00:08:43,898 I like to think of myself as a brilliant scientist 176 00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:46,776 who will stop at nothing to remake the world. 177 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,444 Like... 178 00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:52,406 Not doctor Moreau, someone good. 179 00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:56,035 Doctor Frankenstein. 180 00:08:56,118 --> 00:08:58,079 Doctor Jekyll, not them. 181 00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:01,582 Doctor... 182 00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:07,129 Are you sure this is a good idea? 183 00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:10,216 I mean, the thing about this office is, we make a lot of mistakes. 184 00:09:10,424 --> 00:09:12,385 But the device will change that. 185 00:09:12,468 --> 00:09:14,804 Without a safety net, people will improve. 186 00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:21,602 All right, everybody, looks like we need to be getting to work. 187 00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:24,480 Be extra careful, double-check everything. 188 00:09:24,605 --> 00:09:26,649 Or the accountability booster will get you. 189 00:09:26,732 --> 00:09:30,027 This doomsday device sounds like a scare tactic to me. 190 00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:32,697 There's an easy way to tell if this device is a sham, 191 00:09:32,780 --> 00:09:34,657 we just make a mistake. 192 00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:38,244 I'll send an order down to shipping before we've received payment. 193 00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:47,378 Dwight: There's one mistake. 194 00:09:47,461 --> 00:09:49,501 Now we only have four strikes left until a home run. 195 00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:51,632 Dwight's our co-worker and he worked really hard 196 00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:53,092 on this doomsday device. So, I... 197 00:09:53,175 --> 00:09:55,720 It's not a doomsday device! Gosh! 198 00:09:56,804 --> 00:09:58,472 We can do this, you guys. 199 00:09:59,056 --> 00:10:00,141 First! 200 00:10:00,224 --> 00:10:01,726 Second! Ltsnotarace. 201 00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:05,396 Third! 202 00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:07,273 Who knows what the belt is for? 203 00:10:07,356 --> 00:10:08,733 Gabe: It's for protecting my ass 204 00:10:08,816 --> 00:10:10,656 when you suckers lift more than you can handle. 205 00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:11,944 What's up? I'm Gabe. 206 00:10:12,486 --> 00:10:13,988 Corporate. Continue. 207 00:10:14,196 --> 00:10:15,448 Don't be nervous. 208 00:10:15,698 --> 00:10:16,991 Apparently, we have a visitor. 209 00:10:17,074 --> 00:10:18,075 Gabe, everyone. 210 00:10:18,325 --> 00:10:19,326 Hi, Gabe! 211 00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:22,872 All right, so the support belt. Now this one is mine. 212 00:10:22,955 --> 00:10:24,665 Doesn't get much use nowadays. 213 00:10:24,832 --> 00:10:26,584 Look at this. This is enormous. 214 00:10:30,046 --> 00:10:33,174 I get the sense that val enjoys a good put-down. 215 00:10:33,340 --> 00:10:35,277 Considering that's the only thing I know about her, 216 00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:37,678 I will be milking that hard. 217 00:10:38,429 --> 00:10:40,181 It's like a hula-hoop, right? 218 00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:44,101 Mele kalikimaka is Hawaii's way 219 00:10:46,937 --> 00:10:47,938 You done? 220 00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:50,691 The michelin man called, he wants his cummerbund back. 221 00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:55,154 Remember, we have to get regal escrow their refund by 5:00. 222 00:10:55,571 --> 00:10:56,572 I'm on it! 223 00:10:56,739 --> 00:10:58,866 Kevin, maybe I should handle that. 224 00:10:59,241 --> 00:11:01,827 We really need you to focus on your project. 225 00:11:02,036 --> 00:11:03,287 Good thinking. 226 00:11:03,370 --> 00:11:06,373 Apparently, a big client for this company 227 00:11:06,457 --> 00:11:09,543 needs to know the story of how paper gets made. 228 00:11:12,379 --> 00:11:14,757 Oscar, use a calculator. 229 00:11:18,469 --> 00:11:22,181 When the stakes are this high there's only one computer that I trust. 230 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:25,559 And it's powered by Thai food and Spanish reds. 231 00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:27,412 All right, everybody, you're doing great. 232 00:11:27,436 --> 00:11:30,314 Well, iwouldn't say that. Three mistakes already is pretty terrible. 233 00:11:30,397 --> 00:11:31,607 But I do see improvement. 234 00:11:31,690 --> 00:11:33,450 Meredith kept someone on hold for 30 minutes, 235 00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:35,528 and now look, she's hard at work. 236 00:11:36,570 --> 00:11:37,988 Dwight, question. No questions. 237 00:11:38,072 --> 00:11:39,573 If this doomsday device goes off... 238 00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:40,741 Accountability booster. 239 00:11:40,866 --> 00:11:41,951 If this bad idea goes off 240 00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:44,495 and we all lose our jobs, are you gonna feel good about that? 241 00:11:44,578 --> 00:11:45,871 I haven't even considered it. 242 00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:49,333 That's how sure I am that this accountability booster is gonna work. 243 00:11:50,084 --> 00:11:51,460 Try "mose-1-2-3-4." 244 00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,772 Dwight would never be that obvious. Try something like... 245 00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:56,674 "Z-6-4-$-8." 246 00:11:57,258 --> 00:11:59,677 Not that exactly, Jim, something like that. 247 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:00,760 Okay. 248 00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:03,347 How about "Scranton-strangler-6-6-6"? 249 00:12:04,682 --> 00:12:05,766 Nope. 250 00:12:07,101 --> 00:12:08,602 Shoot. 251 00:12:08,727 --> 00:12:11,313 You guys are never gonna shut down the machine, okay? 252 00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,649 But I appreciate your energy and your teamwork. 253 00:12:13,732 --> 00:12:15,401 You apply this to your regular work, 254 00:12:15,484 --> 00:12:17,087 you won't even notice that the device is there, 255 00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:18,529 watching you, ready to strike. 256 00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:22,324 What's Dwight's mother's name? 257 00:12:22,950 --> 00:12:24,118 Hedda. 258 00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:29,957 Once you've read the packet, sign the back. 259 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:31,709 Hey, Darryl. I was thinking, 260 00:12:31,792 --> 00:12:33,127 maybe while we read through this, 261 00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:34,670 you could grab us all some coffee? 262 00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:36,297 My treat. 263 00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:38,424 Here's a $100 bill. 264 00:12:38,507 --> 00:12:40,092 That should cover it, I think. 265 00:12:40,217 --> 00:12:42,428 Don't bring me any of that caramel soy latte crap, okay? 266 00:12:42,511 --> 00:12:44,805 I want a decaf frappuccino. 267 00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:45,890 Val? 268 00:12:45,973 --> 00:12:47,975 Actually, val, why don't you come with? 269 00:12:48,058 --> 00:12:49,977 I'll need the extra hands to carry them back. 270 00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:51,061 Val: Yeah, sure. 271 00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:52,271 Mmm-hmm. 272 00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:54,607 Caramel soy latte. 273 00:12:54,732 --> 00:12:55,774 No, a decaf frap. 274 00:12:55,858 --> 00:12:57,067 Got it. 275 00:12:59,695 --> 00:13:02,573 You sent the late notice to rinehart and wolfe, right? 276 00:13:03,157 --> 00:13:04,325 Mmm-hmm. 64620. 277 00:13:05,242 --> 00:13:07,161 67620. 278 00:13:07,661 --> 00:13:08,913 Nuh-uh. Yes! 279 00:13:08,996 --> 00:13:10,956 588 plus 15%... 280 00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:15,669 Oh, no! Kevin: What does this mean? 281 00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:17,588 What does it mean? Oscar: Andy. 282 00:13:17,671 --> 00:13:18,923 Oh! 283 00:13:20,382 --> 00:13:21,467 God! 284 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:22,927 That's five strikes. 285 00:13:23,510 --> 00:13:24,595 Well, 286 00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:28,849 I was saving this for my retirement which I guess is today. 287 00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:30,142 Dwight, we got five strikes. 288 00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:32,853 Really? 289 00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:34,104 Did the e-mail go out or... 290 00:13:34,188 --> 00:13:35,648 It goes out automatically at 5:00 pm. 291 00:13:35,731 --> 00:13:37,733 Well, then there's gotta be a way to stop it. 292 00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:40,361 Well, I would have to enter my password in order to cancel it. 293 00:13:40,736 --> 00:13:41,862 Okay! 294 00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:44,323 Dwight, you may now enter your password. 295 00:13:46,033 --> 00:13:47,117 Andy: What? What? 296 00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:49,036 You don't deserve to have this branch. 297 00:13:49,119 --> 00:13:51,830 Five mistakes in less than a day? 298 00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:53,123 We did our best. 299 00:13:53,207 --> 00:13:54,959 No, you didn't, Phyllis. 300 00:13:55,042 --> 00:13:56,460 You complained the whole time, 301 00:13:56,543 --> 00:13:58,837 you yelled at me, you tried to break into the machine. 302 00:14:00,047 --> 00:14:01,131 Dwight: What? 303 00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:03,008 You're a real crumb burn, you know that? 304 00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:05,094 Hey, you can't just change the rules 305 00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:07,137 because you don't like the outcome. 306 00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:09,932 What about you, Kevin? What about you and your fake task? 307 00:14:10,015 --> 00:14:12,059 Can you tell me now where paper comes from? 308 00:14:13,310 --> 00:14:15,562 The man tree puts its penis... 309 00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:17,648 Okay. All right, Andy, back me up here, please. 310 00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:19,984 What? 311 00:14:20,067 --> 00:14:22,736 Dwight, be human for once, shut down the machine. 312 00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:24,613 Shut it down! Shut it down. 313 00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:25,990 Shut down the machine! 314 00:14:26,073 --> 00:14:27,324 Shut it down! 315 00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:31,578 Good luck finding a new job, idiots. 316 00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:34,248 I'll make sure to write you a glowing reference. 317 00:14:34,331 --> 00:14:36,083 Glowingly negative! 318 00:14:38,877 --> 00:14:40,045 Dwight's car is gone. 319 00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:41,713 I bet he went home. 320 00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:44,550 Some of us should go there, try to talk some sense into him. 321 00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:46,427 Get him to stop that e-mail. 322 00:14:46,510 --> 00:14:49,430 Pam, you should come with me. Dwight really likes you, 323 00:14:49,888 --> 00:14:51,848 and your breasts are enormous, that could help us. 324 00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:53,767 Kevin has that lovability. 325 00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:55,728 Guys, come on! 326 00:14:56,103 --> 00:14:57,187 I'm right here. 327 00:14:57,271 --> 00:15:00,107 Jim, I want you to go find Robert. Just be where he is, 328 00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:02,568 in case that e-mail goes out at 5:00, 329 00:15:02,651 --> 00:15:04,945 you can try to delete it or something. 330 00:15:05,029 --> 00:15:06,196 Okay. Where is he? 331 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:09,450 He's at some club where you either eat squash or play squash. 332 00:15:10,826 --> 00:15:12,328 |'|| try both. 333 00:15:14,621 --> 00:15:16,790 Did you come to reason with me? 334 00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:18,417 Got you something. 335 00:15:23,213 --> 00:15:26,633 And I just really want to talk to you. 336 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,093 Get lost. 337 00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:29,720 Well, now hold on... 338 00:15:29,803 --> 00:15:30,846 What are you doing? 339 00:15:32,056 --> 00:15:33,432 What does it look like I'm doing? 340 00:15:33,515 --> 00:15:34,975 Digging a grave for a horse. 341 00:15:38,312 --> 00:15:39,355 Do you need a hand? 342 00:15:40,814 --> 00:15:42,649 Yeah, you need a hand? 343 00:15:49,406 --> 00:15:52,034 If you hit another horse, you've dug too far. 344 00:15:52,701 --> 00:15:54,912 Robert: I'll see you next week, will. 345 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:56,330 Robefl! 346 00:15:56,997 --> 00:15:58,707 Jim, what are you... 347 00:15:58,791 --> 00:15:59,833 What a surprise! 348 00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:02,795 Yeah. Well, you know, I just had a meeting, a squash meeting. 349 00:16:02,878 --> 00:16:04,004 Yeah? 350 00:16:05,339 --> 00:16:06,382 You up for a game? 351 00:16:06,465 --> 00:16:07,841 A game? Or a match? 352 00:16:09,009 --> 00:16:10,761 Exactly! Here we go. 353 00:16:11,011 --> 00:16:12,012 Let's do it. 354 00:16:17,017 --> 00:16:18,769 Are you okay, Kevin? 355 00:16:22,272 --> 00:16:23,273 Where are you going? 356 00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:24,817 In. I'm hungry. 357 00:16:25,025 --> 00:16:27,653 Could we come in, too? Just for some water? 358 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:29,863 Okay. Take off your shoes. 359 00:16:29,947 --> 00:16:31,990 Except you, Kevin. They stay on. 360 00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:37,204 Wow, I forgot how pretty your house is. 361 00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:41,417 This is the newest addition, built by erasmus schrute in 1808. 362 00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:44,586 It doubled as a tuberculosis recovery room until 2009. 363 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,091 That's too much doodle, and not enough lab. 364 00:16:49,174 --> 00:16:51,927 Yeah, when are they gonna do a labradoodle that's just lab? 365 00:16:52,010 --> 00:16:53,887 That's what I'm saying. 366 00:16:58,308 --> 00:16:59,393 Hey. 367 00:17:00,018 --> 00:17:01,770 You're welcome. Thanks for the coffee. 368 00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:04,440 So, tonight I was thinking, I'm gonna go to the cemetery, 369 00:17:04,523 --> 00:17:05,816 I'm gonna drink a little wine, 370 00:17:05,899 --> 00:17:07,739 and I thought maybe you'd like to come with me. 371 00:17:08,485 --> 00:17:09,945 Are you asking me on a date? 372 00:17:10,487 --> 00:17:11,864 Yes, I am. 373 00:17:12,072 --> 00:17:13,407 Because I don't date coworkers. 374 00:17:13,615 --> 00:17:15,868 It's not personal. It's a matter of policy. 375 00:17:16,201 --> 00:17:17,327 I could quit. 376 00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:18,412 Problem solved. 377 00:17:18,495 --> 00:17:19,872 Don't quit. 378 00:17:21,915 --> 00:17:23,876 Good policy. It's sensible. 379 00:17:23,959 --> 00:17:25,127 Smart. 380 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:28,547 All right. Serving. 381 00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:30,132 Serving, serving, serving. 382 00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:32,342 In the box. In the box. 383 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,727 Why haven't we heard anything? 384 00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:44,605 It's 4:45. There's only 15 minutes left. 385 00:17:44,938 --> 00:17:46,940 Oh, now you can do math? 386 00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:48,942 Where were you two hours ago, beautiful mind? 387 00:17:49,026 --> 00:17:50,694 I made a mistake, I'm sorry! 388 00:17:50,777 --> 00:17:52,863 I know how to save the company, everyone. 389 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:56,366 Just write a petition, get everyone's signature, 390 00:17:56,450 --> 00:18:00,704 including our clients, march down to Florida 391 00:18:00,787 --> 00:18:02,039 and shove it up your butt. 392 00:18:04,458 --> 00:18:05,918 It's not that funny. 393 00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:18,972 Pam, you got something on your shirt. 394 00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:21,558 Oh! 395 00:18:21,642 --> 00:18:24,978 Well, pobody's nerfect, right? 396 00:18:25,312 --> 00:18:28,106 Did you just have a stroke, Pam? It's "nobody's perfect." 397 00:18:28,732 --> 00:18:29,900 Nice stroke, Pam. 398 00:18:29,983 --> 00:18:32,194 No, it's a jokey saying. 399 00:18:32,277 --> 00:18:33,737 "Pobody's nerfect." 400 00:18:33,820 --> 00:18:35,989 Like, I can't even say those words right. 401 00:18:37,324 --> 00:18:38,784 I hadn't heard that before. 402 00:18:39,451 --> 00:18:40,911 That's funny. 403 00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:43,497 Dwight, there's just the small... 404 00:18:43,580 --> 00:18:47,000 You know what would go so great with this cabbage pie? 405 00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:48,292 Milk. 406 00:18:48,335 --> 00:18:49,586 Any specific animal? 407 00:18:50,003 --> 00:18:52,422 I'm thinking cow. Don't say cow. 408 00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:56,093 What are you doing? It's five to 5:00. 409 00:18:56,176 --> 00:18:58,762 Just don't talk about the e-mail, okay? 410 00:18:58,845 --> 00:19:01,306 He's gonna cancel it on his own. I really think he will. 411 00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:03,308 Thatsinsane! Justtrustrne. 412 00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:05,227 Trust you? Like I trusted Dwight this morning? 413 00:19:05,310 --> 00:19:06,645 I got this. 414 00:19:11,858 --> 00:19:13,318 Thanks for everything. 415 00:19:13,402 --> 00:19:14,778 Sive drafely. 416 00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:21,618 Wasn't it supposed to be drive safely? 417 00:19:25,706 --> 00:19:26,915 Is that my phone? 418 00:19:28,584 --> 00:19:29,793 Sounded like mine. 419 00:19:29,876 --> 00:19:32,879 No, I think it's mine. Let me just check real quick here. 420 00:19:32,963 --> 00:19:34,214 All right. 421 00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:37,050 No, it's mine. You took it out of my bag. 422 00:19:37,467 --> 00:19:39,011 Oh. Oops. 423 00:19:39,094 --> 00:19:40,929 Yeah. Can I have it? 424 00:19:41,054 --> 00:19:42,097 Yes. 425 00:19:43,807 --> 00:19:44,808 Right now? 426 00:19:44,891 --> 00:19:45,892 Yes. There you go. 427 00:19:45,976 --> 00:19:47,853 Whoa! No! Wait, wait! 428 00:19:48,562 --> 00:19:49,563 What the? 429 00:19:49,646 --> 00:19:50,647 Jim: Oh, man. I'm sorry! 430 00:19:50,731 --> 00:19:52,524 Jesus! Did it break? 431 00:19:52,983 --> 00:19:54,818 No, it's good, thanks. You sure? 432 00:19:54,901 --> 00:19:56,069 Yeah. 433 00:19:56,236 --> 00:19:57,404 What kind of iPhone is that? 434 00:19:58,905 --> 00:20:00,625 It's the standard one, the one everyone has. 435 00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:03,076 Yeah. I have the one that nobody has. 436 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,329 Is there anything interesting? 437 00:20:05,412 --> 00:20:07,748 It depends, Jim. Do you find one-day-only 438 00:20:07,914 --> 00:20:10,250 jetblue sales to buffalo interesting? 439 00:20:11,918 --> 00:20:13,211 No, I don't. 440 00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:14,755 No, I don't. 441 00:20:18,717 --> 00:20:19,926 All right! 442 00:20:20,677 --> 00:20:24,514 Well, I am sore and obviously horrible at this. 443 00:20:24,598 --> 00:20:25,891 My serve! 444 00:20:31,271 --> 00:20:32,981 Dwight stopped the device! 445 00:20:33,774 --> 00:20:34,816 All: Yes! 446 00:20:37,527 --> 00:20:39,029 He stopped it! 447 00:20:39,863 --> 00:20:40,864 All: Yes! 448 00:20:40,947 --> 00:20:42,282 We still have our jobs. 449 00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:44,378 They're not my favorite people in the world. 450 00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:46,119 I wouldn't even call them friends. 451 00:20:46,203 --> 00:20:48,622 They come over here, eat my pie, 452 00:20:48,705 --> 00:20:51,667 dig the crappiest horse grave you've ever seen. 453 00:20:51,958 --> 00:20:55,504 God, I'm gonna have to work with them forever, aren't I? 454 00:20:57,631 --> 00:21:00,008 Just take it easy. Nice and easy. 455 00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:03,637 Classic, right? 456 00:21:14,147 --> 00:21:15,315 Robert: Ooh! 457 00:21:15,399 --> 00:21:16,858 I'm all right. You all right? 458 00:21:16,983 --> 00:21:18,402 Yeah. Skinned knee. 459 00:21:18,485 --> 00:21:19,569 Yeah. 460 00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:23,740 Need a little ice on that, maybe. 461 00:21:23,824 --> 00:21:26,493 Yeah. That does not feel good. 462 00:21:26,618 --> 00:21:28,203 Okay. My serve.