1 00:00:01,376 --> 00:00:05,130 Dwight: Today is the test launch day for the inaugural sabre store. 2 00:00:05,213 --> 00:00:06,464 (Imitates fanfare) 3 00:00:06,548 --> 00:00:10,593 And I, Dwight schrute, am in charge of the entire operation. 4 00:00:10,885 --> 00:00:13,680 If I can prove myself today and the store is a hit with the media, 5 00:00:13,763 --> 00:00:17,559 and Nellie sees this, the vice presidency is mine. 6 00:00:17,642 --> 00:00:18,869 Hey, are you holding this chair? 7 00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:20,329 Because I feel like I'm going to fall off. 8 00:00:20,353 --> 00:00:22,039 Yeah. Yes. Yes. I'm not wearing the right shoes for this. 9 00:00:22,063 --> 00:00:23,148 We went over this, okay? 10 00:00:23,231 --> 00:00:24,711 Your tiny fingers make the best knots. 11 00:00:25,066 --> 00:00:28,236 Hey, strangers. I'm so stoked for the sabre store opening. 12 00:00:32,282 --> 00:00:35,285 Hey, my name's Tabitha. I'm camped out in front of the sabre store 13 00:00:35,368 --> 00:00:37,745 so I can be first in line for the new pyramid. 14 00:00:38,496 --> 00:00:39,539 Psst! 15 00:00:39,622 --> 00:00:42,500 It's me, Erin. Dwight had me pretend to be a hipster 16 00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:43,960 to create hype and it's working. 17 00:00:44,043 --> 00:00:46,588 There's already people camped out behind me. 18 00:01:00,768 --> 00:01:02,312 Nellie: Test launch day, people. 19 00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:07,025 Now, I would like to fill you in on a little secret about me. 20 00:01:07,358 --> 00:01:08,860 To inspire you today. 21 00:01:08,943 --> 00:01:12,280 Now I know you probably all think I'm this patrician goddess. 22 00:01:12,363 --> 00:01:14,282 But here's the truth. 23 00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:17,410 I was born in the little working-class town of basildon, 24 00:01:18,119 --> 00:01:19,954 and until the age of 32, 25 00:01:20,038 --> 00:01:21,498 (accent changing) I talked like this. 26 00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:24,000 Which was bloody horrendous, innit? 27 00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:27,962 I came from dirt. No, lower than... 28 00:01:28,546 --> 00:01:29,756 What's lower than dirt? 29 00:01:29,839 --> 00:01:32,467 Loam. Magma. Mantle. Outer core. Inner core. 30 00:01:32,550 --> 00:01:36,387 Yeah, thank you. Loam. Bloody loam I came from. 31 00:01:36,638 --> 00:01:39,057 I hit rock bottom when I auditioned for the spice girls. 32 00:01:39,140 --> 00:01:40,808 I didn't even get a callback. 33 00:01:40,892 --> 00:01:41,935 Which spice girl? 34 00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:43,102 The black one. 35 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:44,979 I never stood a chance. 36 00:01:46,022 --> 00:01:47,065 Okay. 37 00:01:47,148 --> 00:01:49,067 Now think about my journey here today 38 00:01:49,150 --> 00:01:51,694 andletninspue your journey. 39 00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:54,113 Okay. Nellie, thank you. Thank you so much. 40 00:01:54,197 --> 00:01:55,240 Yep. Yep. 41 00:01:55,323 --> 00:02:00,620 Today is press day, and press is going to make or break this store. 42 00:02:00,703 --> 00:02:04,332 And for a tech company, press can only mean one thing, bloggers. 43 00:02:04,749 --> 00:02:06,251 Dossier on bloggers. 44 00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:11,506 Bloggers are gross. Bloggers are obese. Bloggers have halitosis. 45 00:02:12,173 --> 00:02:13,508 You're going to love them. 46 00:02:14,092 --> 00:02:16,636 Ryan is going to be the main event today. 47 00:02:16,886 --> 00:02:19,013 He is the pitchman who is going to give 48 00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:21,266 the feisty yet profound speech 49 00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:23,810 worthy of a world's fair. Ryan, you ready to do this? 50 00:02:23,893 --> 00:02:25,162 When people see this presentation, 51 00:02:25,186 --> 00:02:26,539 they're going to (Bleep) In their pants. 52 00:02:26,563 --> 00:02:27,748 Jim: Come on, man. Erin: Come on. 53 00:02:27,772 --> 00:02:29,691 Dwight: Okay. Seriously disgusting. 54 00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:31,936 Cathy, you will be the hot girl who talks to bloggers. 55 00:02:32,026 --> 00:02:34,445 Ugh! Kill me. It was my idea. 56 00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:37,240 Packer, you will be the sexual predator who has come to prey 57 00:02:37,323 --> 00:02:40,368 on the trendy teenage girls who are obsessed with the pyramid. 58 00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:42,036 Nellie: Ah... 59 00:02:42,161 --> 00:02:43,288 That is excellent. 60 00:02:43,371 --> 00:02:44,571 I don't see what that gets us, 61 00:02:44,622 --> 00:02:45,707 but I'm a team player. 62 00:02:45,790 --> 00:02:46,958 Perfect casting, right? 63 00:02:47,041 --> 00:02:50,128 Schrute's out to get me, but I'm playing the long game. 64 00:02:50,211 --> 00:02:53,965 As soon as he messes up, I swoop in like a sexual predator. 65 00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:59,387 I want to create a sense of wonder and enthusiasm, 66 00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:03,808 as if at the end of e. T., candy poured out of the screen. 67 00:03:04,183 --> 00:03:05,518 Do you understand? 68 00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:07,604 I want to get goose pimples. 69 00:03:08,563 --> 00:03:12,775 Speaking of pimples, let's release the bloggersl 70 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:15,903 morning, everyone. 71 00:03:15,987 --> 00:03:17,756 Oh, Andy, guess what happened to me this morning. 72 00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:19,592 Don't care. Tell me later. Listen, it's important. 73 00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:20,867 You've got to hear this. 74 00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:23,953 What do you got? 75 00:03:24,078 --> 00:03:25,913 Oh, my god. Do you have a black eye? 76 00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:27,206 Yes, I do, Phyllis. 77 00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:29,167 I woke up at 4:00 am. By accident, 78 00:03:29,250 --> 00:03:31,044 in time for the paper to be delivered. 79 00:03:31,127 --> 00:03:32,128 Guess what? 80 00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:35,840 It's not a kid on a bike. It's a man in a car. 81 00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:37,467 Andy, who punched you? 82 00:03:37,675 --> 00:03:40,637 Hey, I was on the can. What's this about a black guy in the office? 83 00:03:40,928 --> 00:03:42,513 Black eye, Meredith. 84 00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:44,325 Will someone please explain what's going on here? 85 00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:48,019 Since the interesting thing happened until now, so much time has passed. 86 00:03:48,102 --> 00:03:49,479 It's like my life is buffering. 87 00:03:50,271 --> 00:03:53,858 Here's what happened. Pam and I were arriving for the day 88 00:03:53,941 --> 00:03:58,529 and there was a gang in the parking lot, on bikes, on motorcycles. 89 00:03:58,613 --> 00:04:00,865 And they just were hassling Pam. 90 00:04:00,948 --> 00:04:02,116 Pam: That's true. 91 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:03,576 They had weapons. 92 00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:04,702 Weapons. 93 00:04:05,119 --> 00:04:07,413 I just stepped in to talk some sense into them. 94 00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:10,667 But these were not the kind of people who use their words. 95 00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:13,419 Punches were going, and I ducked a few, 96 00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:15,838 landed a couple, and I was fighting them off. 97 00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:19,133 It was a totally, like, senseless crime. 98 00:04:19,258 --> 00:04:21,258 Thank goodness he was there. Oscar: Good job, Andy. 99 00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:26,182 I didn't do anything any of you wouldn't have done. 100 00:04:26,974 --> 00:04:28,434 Open the gates! 101 00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:32,438 There's plenty for everyone. No need to panic. 102 00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:34,941 There's plenty for everyone. There's plenty... 103 00:04:35,024 --> 00:04:37,527 Don't stampede. No need to stampede, sir. 104 00:04:38,152 --> 00:04:42,824 Okay, okay! Hey, hey! It's going to be fine! It's going to be fine! 105 00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:44,450 There's plenty of pyramids! 106 00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:46,202 Erin: Come on, I was in line before you. 107 00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:48,579 So you're a blogger, right? 108 00:04:48,663 --> 00:04:49,831 Yeah. 109 00:04:49,997 --> 00:04:51,082 Blogger. 110 00:04:51,165 --> 00:04:53,000 God, stay away. 111 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,647 Oh, I always get in trouble around bloggers. 112 00:04:56,671 --> 00:04:58,339 I'm trying to be a good girl for once. 113 00:04:59,298 --> 00:05:02,343 Uh, yeah, I already bought my pyramid, but I don't want to leave yet. 114 00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:05,763 I haven't had so much fun since seeing zooey deschanel 115 00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:09,016 at the Coachella music festival. So fun. 116 00:05:09,350 --> 00:05:11,561 How can we feel safe knowing that there are gangs here? 117 00:05:11,686 --> 00:05:13,372 We should call the police right now! Angela: Yes! 118 00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:16,357 No, no, no, no, no, no! We don't need to call the police. 119 00:05:16,607 --> 00:05:18,359 They'll just ask everybody questions, 120 00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:20,194 getupin everyone's business, right, Pam? 121 00:05:20,278 --> 00:05:22,864 Police are a hassle. We settled this on the street. 122 00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:26,242 And my eye will heal. But if the police come, 123 00:05:26,325 --> 00:05:29,704 then we will forever stain our neighborhood as a troubled area. 124 00:05:29,954 --> 00:05:33,124 Why would you care what the police think of our neighborhood? 125 00:05:33,207 --> 00:05:37,378 Because I have neighborhood pride. 18505! 126 00:05:37,462 --> 00:05:38,713 18505! 127 00:05:38,796 --> 00:05:41,048 Guys, guys, that's so vague. 128 00:05:41,215 --> 00:05:43,134 You got to do the zip plus four. 129 00:05:43,384 --> 00:05:47,221 18505-7427. 130 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:51,058 Look, I don't feel safe. I think we should call the police. 131 00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:52,977 Angela: Yes. Exactly, we need to feel safe, 132 00:05:53,060 --> 00:05:57,565 which is why Toby is teaching us self-defense. 133 00:06:00,568 --> 00:06:02,069 Toby, will you teach us self-defense? 134 00:06:02,403 --> 00:06:04,989 Yeah. I can't believe you remembered. 135 00:06:05,072 --> 00:06:08,409 I do self-defense. I'll go put on my cup. 136 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:10,203 Great. 137 00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:11,829 Nellie: Yes! Dwight: Okay. 138 00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:13,956 I wasn't sure which one of you was Chuck. 139 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,083 Yeah, no, it seems to be going great. 140 00:06:17,627 --> 00:06:19,420 Andy got beat up by a fifth grade girl? 141 00:06:19,837 --> 00:06:21,756 Look at that guy, he's got a sabre phone on him, 142 00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:23,132 he's not even using it. 143 00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:25,843 This is a perfect photo for my daily fail blog. 144 00:06:26,928 --> 00:06:28,846 Uh, I got to go. Okay. 145 00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:31,224 Dwight, what is a fail? That sounds bad. 146 00:06:31,307 --> 00:06:33,601 No, no, no, it's good. It's really... 147 00:06:33,684 --> 00:06:36,604 On the Internet, that's a really good, good thing. 148 00:06:37,438 --> 00:06:39,398 Are you trying to sabotage this entire event? 149 00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:40,566 I'm very sorry. 150 00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:45,363 We gave you an arrowhead for free for the day. 151 00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:48,199 How hard would it have been to do this? Hmm? 152 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:53,788 Hello. Hi, sweetie, it's Jim. I'm calling you from my new arrowhead, 153 00:06:53,871 --> 00:06:55,498 which is why my voice is crystal clear 154 00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:57,124 and my hand won't ever get tired 155 00:06:57,208 --> 00:06:59,377 because of the ergonomic shape. 156 00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:03,172 I'm really sorry. Is there anything I can do? Maybe pretend to be Chuck? 157 00:07:03,297 --> 00:07:04,733 You could have pretended to be Chuck. 158 00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:06,551 I begged you to pretend to be Chuck. 159 00:07:06,634 --> 00:07:09,512 But you chose to be yourself and you can no longer be Chuck. 160 00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:11,305 Surrender the tri-pack. 161 00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:18,145 You know what you have to do. 162 00:07:24,652 --> 00:07:26,988 Point it towards the store, idiot. 163 00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:38,433 Dwight: (Laughs) You know what I mean? 164 00:07:38,457 --> 00:07:39,897 Pick one of these buttons and just... 165 00:07:41,168 --> 00:07:43,129 Damn it. Take over. 166 00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:46,215 Oh, hey, hey, hey, you guys. You must be lost. 167 00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:48,259 Listen. Excuse me, sir. 168 00:07:48,342 --> 00:07:51,095 The fountain where you can feed the pigeons is out behind the bank. 169 00:07:51,178 --> 00:07:53,264 Tell your great-grandson to bring his kid by. 170 00:07:53,347 --> 00:07:55,433 Okay, so long. Here we go. 171 00:07:55,683 --> 00:07:57,518 Erin! Psstl come on. 172 00:07:57,768 --> 00:08:00,328 The elderly suck the life out of the young. Get them out of here. 173 00:08:00,479 --> 00:08:03,065 We are closed. Come on. 174 00:08:03,649 --> 00:08:06,611 Self-defense is not some fun boxing match, okay? 175 00:08:06,694 --> 00:08:08,279 This is about escaping with your life. 176 00:08:08,362 --> 00:08:12,116 So strike, scream and run. 177 00:08:13,242 --> 00:08:14,368 All right, let's try it. 178 00:08:16,287 --> 00:08:17,371 (Screams) 179 00:08:20,499 --> 00:08:21,560 That may have been my fault. 180 00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:22,668 What the hell, Toby? 181 00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:24,962 Okay, look, in a real crisis situation, 182 00:08:25,046 --> 00:08:26,631 you're not going to have time to think. 183 00:08:27,089 --> 00:08:29,884 Okay? So just remember iaatg. 184 00:08:30,426 --> 00:08:32,011 "It's all about the groin." 185 00:08:32,094 --> 00:08:37,266 What if you're being attacked by a smallish man 186 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,226 who happens to not have a groin? 187 00:08:39,894 --> 00:08:41,312 I don't think that's very common. 188 00:08:41,395 --> 00:08:42,980 But what if you're being attacked 189 00:08:43,064 --> 00:08:45,858 by a 4'11" man who's penis-less. 190 00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:49,278 Why are you fixated on this hypothetical transgendered attacker? 191 00:08:49,445 --> 00:08:50,923 Andy: Why don't we start with the basics? 192 00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:52,907 Show us how to defend ourself against a baby 193 00:08:52,990 --> 00:08:55,743 and then like a fifth-grade girl 194 00:08:55,826 --> 00:08:58,955 and then, you know, if we have time, on up to a scary man. 195 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:03,292 The most common scenario is a larger man attacking a smaller female. 196 00:09:03,417 --> 00:09:08,089 So in that scenario, what if the victim 197 00:09:08,172 --> 00:09:10,383 suckerpunches the attacker in the face? 198 00:09:10,675 --> 00:09:13,844 What can the attacker then do to better protect himself? 199 00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:15,721 It's interesting that you're drawn 200 00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:17,640 to the point of view of the attacker. 201 00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:20,643 You would like the turn of the table. 202 00:09:20,768 --> 00:09:22,520 Okay? The latest Chad flenderman novel. 203 00:09:22,603 --> 00:09:23,604 (All groan) 204 00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:26,357 From the point of view of his Nemesis, Dr. Lucifer woo. 205 00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:28,526 Can I please leave? I have a rape flute. 206 00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:30,945 All right, well, let's try one simple technique together. 207 00:09:31,028 --> 00:09:32,738 Okay, why doesn't everyone stand? 208 00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:34,532 Okay, so, you're being attacked, 209 00:09:34,615 --> 00:09:37,618 you've got your hands up, simple palm strike to the chin. 210 00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:40,121 Up to the chin. One, two. 211 00:09:40,454 --> 00:09:41,831 All: One, two. 212 00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:44,291 One, two. 213 00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:48,546 Cathy, I would like to introduce you to fatty gruesome. 214 00:09:48,629 --> 00:09:51,132 He is a freelancer for wired magazine. 215 00:09:51,632 --> 00:09:53,217 Patty Grossman. I'm a woman. 216 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:54,820 But you still work for wired, right? 217 00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:55,970 Good. Yes. 218 00:09:56,053 --> 00:09:57,596 Okay. Flirt away. 219 00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:01,809 Sabre. It's time to come home. 220 00:10:05,479 --> 00:10:06,689 Yeah. 221 00:10:07,523 --> 00:10:10,484 Yeah. I mean, I think... it seemed like you were a little nervous. 222 00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:11,819 Yeah, no (bleep) Sherlock. 223 00:10:11,902 --> 00:10:13,547 Can somebody please tell me something encouraging 224 00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:14,655 about this presentation 225 00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:16,800 before I go out there in front of a million people and do it? 226 00:10:16,824 --> 00:10:17,926 Okay. I know! I know, champ. 227 00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:19,869 Just calm down because, listen, 228 00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:21,722 when you are out in front of all those people... 229 00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:22,747 Yeah, what? 230 00:10:22,830 --> 00:10:23,873 ._youjust need to realize 231 00:10:23,956 --> 00:10:27,084 so much rides on this. 232 00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:28,794 You have no idea. 233 00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:29,920 Dwight. 234 00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:31,484 I'm trying to make him feel important. 235 00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:34,967 I wish Kelly were here. She always knew what to say. 236 00:10:38,012 --> 00:10:40,598 Oh, Ryan, you're so smart. 237 00:10:40,681 --> 00:10:42,391 You're smarter than Mark Zuckerberg 238 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,518 and those Google guys all combined. (Giggles) 239 00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:48,418 You're so ignorant. You barely know what you're talking about. 240 00:10:48,564 --> 00:10:50,191 It's so ridiculous. 241 00:10:50,649 --> 00:10:52,610 You really need to read a couple of books. 242 00:10:52,860 --> 00:10:54,195 What's a book? (Chuckles) 243 00:10:54,528 --> 00:10:56,697 Oh, my god. You're so embarrassing. 244 00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:59,825 My mom would say the best stuff though. 245 00:11:02,536 --> 00:11:03,704 (Clears throat) 246 00:11:06,957 --> 00:11:08,167 You can... 247 00:11:09,293 --> 00:11:10,419 You can do it, Ryan. 248 00:11:10,586 --> 00:11:12,922 And you know that I'm capable of this? 249 00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:15,299 You're the only one who can do it, sweetie. 250 00:11:15,382 --> 00:11:17,551 What did you think of the presentation? 251 00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:19,303 I thought it was great, sweetie. 252 00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:21,806 I would just fix that one... 253 00:11:21,889 --> 00:11:23,641 "Fix" means you hate it! I knew it! 254 00:11:23,724 --> 00:11:24,934 I need something to drink! 255 00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:26,185 Jim, get him a water. 256 00:11:26,268 --> 00:11:27,561 No, not a water, a sports drink! 257 00:11:27,645 --> 00:11:28,925 I hate everything in that fridge. 258 00:11:28,979 --> 00:11:31,315 Not red! Get me something yellow or green 259 00:11:31,398 --> 00:11:33,192 from a nearby store. Not red! 260 00:11:34,318 --> 00:11:35,545 Why are you just standing there? 261 00:11:35,569 --> 00:11:38,089 Go to a nearby store and get him a yellow or green sports drink. 262 00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:43,702 Now if your attacker is willing to defile a corpse, 263 00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:46,080 you better stop playing dead right away 264 00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:47,974 and just make it known that you're alive. (Knocking on door) 265 00:11:47,998 --> 00:11:49,625 Forgive me for interrupting. 266 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:53,003 I believe my daughter had an altercation with somebody here, 267 00:11:53,087 --> 00:11:55,631 some fancy gentleman with a squeaky voice? 268 00:11:55,714 --> 00:11:57,818 (In deep voice) I think you guys might have the wrong office. 269 00:11:57,842 --> 00:11:59,677 That's him. The guy I hit. 270 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:00,803 Kelly: What? 271 00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:02,513 Oscar: You've got to be kidding me. 272 00:12:02,596 --> 00:12:03,931 Poor Andy. 273 00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:08,185 First you got beat up by a gang and now she kicks your ass. 274 00:12:08,269 --> 00:12:09,269 No, Kevin. 275 00:12:09,311 --> 00:12:11,313 What about the lady you hit with a pinecone? 276 00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:12,940 There. That chubby one. 277 00:12:14,024 --> 00:12:15,234 I just had a baby. 278 00:12:15,317 --> 00:12:16,527 Yesterday? 279 00:12:16,777 --> 00:12:18,529 Wow. Apologize. 280 00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:22,283 Sorry I kicked your ass in front of your "thin" girlfriend. 281 00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:24,689 How about we wait until next year after you have your kid? 282 00:12:24,910 --> 00:12:26,912 You know what? Tiffany's going to college. 283 00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:29,415 Listen, I don't know what you guys are talking about, 284 00:12:29,498 --> 00:12:33,127 but I guess I'll just accept your apology so we can get on with our day. 285 00:12:33,377 --> 00:12:36,463 God bless. A friend of mine uses your paper. 286 00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:37,715 You do good work. 287 00:12:38,924 --> 00:12:40,176 Bye-bye. Bye. 288 00:12:40,759 --> 00:12:43,888 So, Toby, I think we should do a different self-defense seminar, 289 00:12:43,971 --> 00:12:46,432 how to protect ourselves against tiny little girls. 290 00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:49,685 There's no shame in getting beaten up by a girl. 291 00:12:49,768 --> 00:12:51,812 My ex-wife used to demolish me. 292 00:12:52,104 --> 00:12:53,439 No, there is shame in it, okay? 293 00:12:53,522 --> 00:12:55,232 We have to draw the line somewhere. 294 00:12:55,316 --> 00:12:57,651 Oh, my god, I think I see the imprint of a ring pop. 295 00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:00,362 (Meredith laughs) 296 00:13:01,071 --> 00:13:02,323 Have you seen Erin? 297 00:13:02,406 --> 00:13:03,616 I'm on break. 298 00:13:06,827 --> 00:13:07,828 Oh, my god. 299 00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:09,848 No, hey, bloggers, where do you think you're going? 300 00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:11,308 No, you got to stay for the big presentation. 301 00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:12,666 We got this young whiz kid, Ryan. 302 00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:14,430 He's like an even more handsome Bill Gates. 303 00:13:14,501 --> 00:13:15,628 When's the presentation? 304 00:13:15,753 --> 00:13:17,379 It's moments away! Just stay here. 305 00:13:17,588 --> 00:13:19,924 Hey, uncle Lucas, it's your nephew, Ryan. 306 00:13:20,007 --> 00:13:23,093 Honestly, I could use a prescription for ritalin right now. 307 00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:26,305 Well, I know you did one for aunt Carol. 308 00:13:27,598 --> 00:13:29,725 So it's different because it's your wife? 309 00:13:29,808 --> 00:13:31,936 Well, that doesn't make any sense to me. 310 00:13:32,019 --> 00:13:33,788 How are you doing? Don't talk to me right now. 311 00:13:33,812 --> 00:13:35,272 I'm sorry. I know you're my boss, 312 00:13:35,356 --> 00:13:36,565 but seriously, you need to get 313 00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,025 the hell out of my face. 314 00:13:40,861 --> 00:13:44,907 Your little man is unraveling. Now go and fix it. 315 00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:46,951 Sorry about kicking you out. 316 00:13:47,034 --> 00:13:50,287 It's just we don't want our brand associated with death. 317 00:13:50,371 --> 00:13:54,541 It's okay. I'll go to the costco and search for handsome men. 318 00:13:55,042 --> 00:13:56,460 You're not married yet? 319 00:13:56,710 --> 00:14:00,464 Oh, I was. My husband was my best friend. 320 00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:02,258 He passed away. 321 00:14:04,051 --> 00:14:06,387 My best friend was my boss, Andy. 322 00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:08,889 We dated for a while, but since then, 323 00:14:08,973 --> 00:14:10,975 he rejected me and we're not really friends. 324 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:16,272 Someone rejected you? With that body and those bazongas? 325 00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:17,815 Forget him. 326 00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:22,528 Yeah. Forget him! And you should forget your husband. 327 00:14:23,112 --> 00:14:24,113 Well... 328 00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:27,217 How long has he been in the bathroom? 329 00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:28,367 Like 10 minutes. 330 00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:30,160 Geez, what's he doing in there? 331 00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:31,554 (Cell phone buzzing) Oh, that's my phone. 332 00:14:31,578 --> 00:14:32,889 Am I allowed to answer it or are you going to freak out? 333 00:14:32,913 --> 00:14:33,953 Are there bloggers around? 334 00:14:34,581 --> 00:14:35,582 It's Ryan. 335 00:14:35,916 --> 00:14:38,210 "I'm sorry. I lied. I'm not in the bathroom. 336 00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:40,546 "I can't do it. I need to see my mom. 337 00:14:40,629 --> 00:14:41,755 "I'm going home." 338 00:14:41,839 --> 00:14:43,924 What is the delay here? 339 00:14:45,259 --> 00:14:46,343 Where is Ryan? 340 00:14:47,094 --> 00:14:48,512 Why is he not here? 341 00:14:48,637 --> 00:14:50,097 I had to send him home. 342 00:14:51,181 --> 00:14:54,101 As brilliant and creative as he is, 343 00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:57,146 he is nothing compared to this guy! 344 00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:00,024 What? 345 00:15:00,107 --> 00:15:01,418 That's right. Will you just give us a second? 346 00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:03,461 You are going to bloody ruin it. You're going to bloody ruin it 347 00:15:03,485 --> 00:15:05,946 because you're a no-good, half-assed, cockeyed numptyl 348 00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:07,323 okay. Okay. 349 00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:09,849 Jim. I'm not doing the presentation. 350 00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:13,662 Look at me. Look at me. Look at this face. 351 00:15:13,829 --> 00:15:15,497 This is not the face of a performer. 352 00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:18,792 This is the face of a scary apparition you see before you die. 353 00:15:19,626 --> 00:15:24,923 I'm telling you, if you don't do this, I don't stand a chance. 354 00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:27,551 Please, Jim. 355 00:15:33,390 --> 00:15:34,641 Okay, |'|| do it. 356 00:15:35,726 --> 00:15:39,813 Oh, my god. Okay! 357 00:15:39,938 --> 00:15:41,750 Go get into Ryan's costume and check out his notes. 358 00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:42,816 A costume? 359 00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:44,485 Of course there's a costume. 360 00:15:44,568 --> 00:15:45,694 (Laughs) 361 00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:47,446 Oh, this is going to be great. 362 00:15:47,529 --> 00:15:48,882 There's nothing like some last minute changes 363 00:15:48,906 --> 00:15:51,617 to really energize a presentation. Huh? 364 00:16:03,921 --> 00:16:06,090 Did you pass out in there? What is taking so long? 365 00:16:06,173 --> 00:16:07,883 I've been in here for 20 seconds. 366 00:16:07,966 --> 00:16:10,844 Hurry up! Let me in! I want to watch you get dressed. 367 00:16:11,095 --> 00:16:13,138 Did you find the eyeliner? 368 00:16:14,014 --> 00:16:15,099 I'm not wearing eyeliner. 369 00:16:15,182 --> 00:16:17,309 You are wearing eyeliner, Jim. 370 00:16:17,726 --> 00:16:19,311 (Music playing) 371 00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:30,739 Time, space, gender. 372 00:16:30,948 --> 00:16:32,428 (Mouthing) There are no rules anymore. 373 00:16:32,991 --> 00:16:34,868 All boundaries are breaking down 374 00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:37,996 in the wake of the infinite future. 375 00:16:39,456 --> 00:16:42,626 The only thing that... the only thing that remains... 376 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,128 The only thing that remains 377 00:16:44,211 --> 00:16:46,630 are the things that have stood the test of time. 378 00:16:46,713 --> 00:16:51,218 Love, values, and of course, the pyramids. 379 00:16:51,885 --> 00:16:54,721 The strongest shape ever constructed. 380 00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:59,143 A shape that fits all other shapes inside of it. 381 00:16:59,226 --> 00:17:00,310 No, that's... 382 00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:01,437 Mmm. It's true. 383 00:17:01,728 --> 00:17:07,359 This is the future because this is the past. 384 00:17:08,402 --> 00:17:10,529 I've been through a lot of issues in my life. 385 00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:15,159 I've seen drug addiction, unemployment. 386 00:17:15,784 --> 00:17:18,620 I've been in a relationship that tore my heart apart 387 00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:22,583 without ever being able to accept that love drove the pain. 388 00:17:23,083 --> 00:17:24,585 (Clapping) Man: Yep. 389 00:17:24,668 --> 00:17:28,589 When I was 10 years old, my parents took me to disneyworld. 390 00:17:28,755 --> 00:17:30,632 I cried the whole time. 391 00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:36,263 I was not able to comprehend the beauty that was before me. 392 00:17:37,264 --> 00:17:39,683 I just wanted to go home. 393 00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:43,520 This is what the pyramid will do for you. 394 00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:46,940 It is the bridge to the world. 395 00:17:47,107 --> 00:17:48,942 It has the USB port. 396 00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:53,238 Wireless will be available in 2013. 397 00:17:54,364 --> 00:17:59,620 You can play anything from Chuck to cars 2. 398 00:17:59,870 --> 00:18:01,079 (Appreciative murmur) 399 00:18:01,663 --> 00:18:06,793 With the pyramid, you have the connection to everything. 400 00:18:07,711 --> 00:18:10,422 In time and space. 401 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:12,090 (Audience gasping) 402 00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:15,928 Dwight: Psst! 403 00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:21,308 (Thudding) (Exclaims) 404 00:18:22,476 --> 00:18:26,188 Sabre. It's time to come home. 405 00:18:28,565 --> 00:18:29,733 (Applause) 406 00:18:38,659 --> 00:18:41,203 All right. Thank you so much. Wow! 407 00:18:41,995 --> 00:18:43,080 Wow! 408 00:18:44,414 --> 00:18:45,541 And good night! 409 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,001 Yeah! 410 00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:55,318 Okay, this isn't over. Let's stay focused, okay? 411 00:18:55,342 --> 00:18:58,512 We made fun ofandy earlier for getting beat up by a little girl, 412 00:18:59,137 --> 00:19:01,181 but little things can be dangerous. 413 00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:04,351 Whether it's a gremlin or Chucky the doll, 414 00:19:04,518 --> 00:19:07,604 the key is to throw it in something, 415 00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:11,024 like a fireplace or a tub of electricity. 416 00:19:11,441 --> 00:19:13,235 Okay, good point. Um... 417 00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:16,655 Good point? What is a tub of electricity? 418 00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:18,865 I don't know. With all due respect, 419 00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:20,617 we know what we're defending against. 420 00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:22,369 It's a 12-year-old female bully. (Laughs) 421 00:19:22,536 --> 00:19:23,787 I was a 12-year-old bully. 422 00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:27,291 Great! I think Kelly should attack Toby. 423 00:19:27,374 --> 00:19:28,458 Meredith: Yeah. 424 00:19:28,542 --> 00:19:29,811 Yeah, that's not a bad idea actually 425 00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:31,878 because I have had a lot of pent-up aggression. 426 00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:33,505 Thanks. Angela: Good! Go! 427 00:19:33,630 --> 00:19:34,941 I don't know whether this is gonna help. 428 00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:36,216 Meredith: All right, Kelly! 429 00:19:36,633 --> 00:19:38,969 We should stay to maybe some more traditional models. 430 00:19:39,052 --> 00:19:40,387 You think you're so pretty? 431 00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:42,556 You're not going to be so pretty come prom-time! 432 00:19:42,681 --> 00:19:44,099 Okay, flflsis whafscahed_ takethafl 433 00:19:44,182 --> 00:19:45,559 pre-violent posture. Take that! 434 00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,853 Not so pre-violent anymore! 435 00:19:47,936 --> 00:19:50,606 I'm in what's called the decision point. 436 00:19:50,772 --> 00:19:51,940 Hey, hey, hey. Kelly! Kelly! 437 00:19:53,900 --> 00:19:55,068 My good eye! 438 00:19:56,069 --> 00:19:57,070 (Laughing) Oh, boy. 439 00:19:58,155 --> 00:19:59,531 Oh, no, I'm not laughing at you. 440 00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:02,909 I'm laughing at something that Cece did 441 00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:06,622 on the playground earlier, yesterday, this morning. 442 00:20:07,497 --> 00:20:09,499 You know why I got hit by girls? 443 00:20:10,417 --> 00:20:12,878 Because I stood up for others. 444 00:20:12,961 --> 00:20:14,755 Pam and Toby. 445 00:20:16,089 --> 00:20:20,177 I stepped in and I didn't care that I was standing up to girls. 446 00:20:20,260 --> 00:20:25,724 You may want to ask yourselves, where were you when the girls came? 447 00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:30,187 Tough day, yes. But I feel good. 448 00:20:30,270 --> 00:20:32,856 I put the office in their place, 449 00:20:32,939 --> 00:20:36,360 took a bunch of painkillers, drank half a bottle of wine, took my pants off. 450 00:20:36,443 --> 00:20:38,528 I just feel good. 451 00:20:40,822 --> 00:20:43,200 Okay, okay, I will be the first to admit it. 452 00:20:43,283 --> 00:20:45,564 We could have integrated more Chuck into the presentation. 453 00:20:45,619 --> 00:20:48,455 Dwight, you're the vice president. 454 00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:54,628 (Laughs) Yeah! Okay! Come on! 455 00:20:55,128 --> 00:20:56,171 Right on! 456 00:20:56,505 --> 00:20:58,131 Bam, bam, bam, bam, baml 457 00:20:58,215 --> 00:20:59,216 boom!