1
00:00:04,297 --> 00:00:05,298
(Sighing)

2
00:00:06,007 --> 00:00:07,091
Morning, Dwight.

3
00:00:10,052 --> 00:00:11,095
Who are you?

4
00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:12,180
(Scoffs)

5
00:00:12,263 --> 00:00:16,601
Who am I? I'm Jim. We've been
working together for 12 years.

6
00:00:17,393 --> 00:00:18,394
Weird joke, Dwight.

7
00:00:19,187 --> 00:00:21,022
You're not Jim. Jim's not Asian.

8
00:00:21,606 --> 00:00:25,443
You seriously never noticed? Hey,
hats off to you for not seeing race.

9
00:00:28,321 --> 00:00:30,781
All right then, Jim.
Why don't you tell me

10
00:00:30,907 --> 00:00:33,367
about that sale that
you made yesterday?

11
00:00:34,285 --> 00:00:38,080
Uh... Wellington systems? Sold
them 10 cases of 24-pound letter stock.

12
00:00:38,664 --> 00:00:40,374
Or were you talking
about Krieger-Murphy?

13
00:00:40,458 --> 00:00:41,918
Because I didn't
close that one yet,

14
00:00:42,043 --> 00:00:43,461
but I'm hoping
I've got a voicemail

15
00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:45,379
from Paul Krieger
waiting for me.

16
00:00:47,048 --> 00:00:48,633
Male voice:
Please enter your password.

17
00:00:54,222 --> 00:00:55,348
You have one new message.

18
00:00:55,431 --> 00:00:58,267
How did you know? No, no.

19
00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:01,979
That is sensitive information,
only for employees, not outsiders!

20
00:01:02,063 --> 00:01:03,583
Dwight, cut it out.
I'm trying to work.

21
00:01:03,648 --> 00:01:05,483
You don't work here!
You're not Jim!

22
00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:08,569
Jim, I got us that dinner
reservation. Grico's, 7:30.

23
00:01:08,653 --> 00:01:10,446
Oh! Great. Can't wait.

24
00:01:13,699 --> 00:01:15,326
Jim's at the dentist
this morning,

25
00:01:15,493 --> 00:01:17,119
and Steve is
an actor friend of ours.

26
00:01:17,703 --> 00:01:22,917
I don't know who you are,
but you are not Jim! This is Jim!

27
00:01:29,674 --> 00:01:32,802
Oh, dear. How did... (Sighs)

28
00:01:54,657 --> 00:01:55,658
(Erin gasps)

29
00:01:55,825 --> 00:01:57,702
Hey! Study buddies!

30
00:01:58,119 --> 00:01:59,662
Oh! Okay. Oh!

31
00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:01,455
Getting things done. Awesome!

32
00:02:01,914 --> 00:02:04,709
It's all about finding ways to
make yourself more efficient.

33
00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:06,168
Life hacking, baby.
This morning,

34
00:02:06,294 --> 00:02:07,670
I brushed my
teeth in the shower.

35
00:02:07,753 --> 00:02:11,382
Saved myself 90 seconds, which
I just used to explain this to you.

36
00:02:11,507 --> 00:02:12,508
Damn it.

37
00:02:12,842 --> 00:02:15,553
Since Andy promoted me to
assistant regional manager,

38
00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:18,806
I've been trying to step my game
up, you know, be more productive.

39
00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:20,057
In fact, you know what?

40
00:02:20,141 --> 00:02:23,602
Let's knock out a few more of
these sound bites while we're here.

41
00:02:24,103 --> 00:02:26,731
Whoa. That person
has really gotten

42
00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:28,733
him or herself
into quite a predicament.

43
00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:34,238
(Speaking French)

44
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:39,076
(Mispronouncing)

45
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:44,915
Ah, French. It's a great language
ifyou're a chain-smoking acrobat.

46
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,419
I'm just trying to fit in
better with Andy's family.

47
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:51,839
They all speak more than one
language, usually when I'm there.

48
00:02:52,256 --> 00:02:55,176
You want to learn a really impressive
second language, try Dothraki.

49
00:02:55,259 --> 00:02:56,844
Win over any man in my guild.

50
00:02:56,969 --> 00:02:59,680
Dothraki is the native tongue
of the nomadic, war-mongering

51
00:02:59,764 --> 00:03:02,224
horse lords of essos,
as featured in the superb

52
00:03:02,308 --> 00:03:04,810
home box office series
game of thrones.

53
00:03:05,227 --> 00:03:06,812
It has a lot of nudity,

54
00:03:06,896 --> 00:03:09,857
which I fast fonnard through
to get to the chopped-off heads.

55
00:03:10,441 --> 00:03:12,544
I could teach you if you want.
It's a lot easier than French.

56
00:03:12,568 --> 00:03:13,652
Yeah. Let's do it!

57
00:03:13,736 --> 00:03:14,779
(Speaking Dothraki) Oh!

58
00:03:15,446 --> 00:03:17,823
It means, "excellent."
And we have begun.

59
00:03:18,199 --> 00:03:21,077
(Pen tapping)

60
00:03:21,494 --> 00:03:22,828
Is everything okay? Mmm.

61
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:25,873
Oh. Oh. Yeah, yeah.

62
00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:29,210
Fine, fine. I mean I...
I just don't want to

63
00:03:29,335 --> 00:03:32,463
burden you with my
massive stress freakout.

64
00:03:33,047 --> 00:03:34,090
Great.

65
00:03:34,173 --> 00:03:38,177
It's just that I am taking my
driver's license test in two days,

66
00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:40,971
and I need to practice with an
experienced driver in the car.

67
00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:44,558
But I've had no time to do
that, thanks to "demandy."

68
00:03:46,018 --> 00:03:50,606
I just want to hit the
open road and drive, man!

69
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,067
But in whose car?

70
00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:54,693
Andy: Nellie!

71
00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:57,363
Get your wrinkly
old balls in here!

72
00:03:58,656 --> 00:03:59,657
(Nellie sighs)

73
00:04:02,618 --> 00:04:05,079
Nellie, I could practice with
you in my car at lunchtime.

74
00:04:05,830 --> 00:04:08,499
Oh, Pam, thank you!
You are my savior!

75
00:04:10,543 --> 00:04:13,462
Oh, my gosh! (Laughs) Oh!

76
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:16,435
I'm sorry, I'm leaving
you alone for lunch.

77
00:04:16,674 --> 00:04:18,050
Don't worry about it.

78
00:04:18,509 --> 00:04:20,177
I have a thing,

79
00:04:21,387 --> 00:04:24,181
a thing of soup, which
I've been wanting to try.

80
00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:32,064
This is my research into how
we might produce childproof paper

81
00:04:32,148 --> 00:04:33,983
that doesn't give you papercuts.

82
00:04:34,066 --> 00:04:35,359
We can't.

83
00:04:35,860 --> 00:04:40,865
And here is a printout of your genealogy
from thislsyourfamilytree.Com.

84
00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:43,159
Executive-summary me.
Hit the highlights.

85
00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:49,039
Well, it turns out you are a distant
blood relative of Michelle Obama.

86
00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:52,877
Wife of Barack, loves gardening,

87
00:04:53,043 --> 00:04:54,712
wants to wipe out fat children.

88
00:04:55,171 --> 00:04:56,338
Wow.

89
00:04:57,047 --> 00:05:01,719
This is super flattering. She's the
most popular person in america.

90
00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:05,014
This is a big
day for both of us.

91
00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:07,433
My fellow Americans!

92
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,185
I have a feeling
my approval rating

93
00:05:09,310 --> 00:05:10,895
is about to go through the roof.

94
00:05:11,729 --> 00:05:15,232
It turns out I am
related to Michelle Obama.

95
00:05:16,775 --> 00:05:19,069
I was intimidated by
Andy's family before,

96
00:05:19,153 --> 00:05:21,864
and now I have to see
the first lady at holidays?

97
00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:25,075
She's going to be like,
"what's your stance on politics?"

98
00:05:25,159 --> 00:05:29,205
Or, "what is the best war to
do?" And I will just be like...

99
00:05:29,413 --> 00:05:30,581
Duh...

100
00:05:31,624 --> 00:05:34,543
All right, we've got to
get rid of all this junk food.

101
00:05:34,627 --> 00:05:38,339
Get fit, america. Not sure if the
buzz has reached the annex yet,

102
00:05:38,422 --> 00:05:41,383
but I'm related
to Michelle Obama.

103
00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:49,433
Yeah, we noticed early on that
Andy really appreciates enthusiasm.

104
00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:53,103
Clark: So we decided the best way to
get ahead here is to be his cheerleaders.

105
00:05:53,229 --> 00:05:54,772
Clark: Whoa!

106
00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:04,257
It's starting to have
this reverse effect, though,

107
00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:06,361
where I really do think
the stuff he does is awesome.

108
00:06:06,951 --> 00:06:08,369
Pete: Yeah, me, too. It's weird.

109
00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:10,287
Hard to remember
what's real at this point.

110
00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:12,289
Just clap through it, man.

111
00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:15,626
You log in sales at
10 different times.

112
00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:19,672
If you log them all at once, you'd
save a lot of time. It's called batching.

113
00:06:19,964 --> 00:06:21,084
This is really good, Darryl.

114
00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:22,341
Life hacking, man.

115
00:06:22,424 --> 00:06:23,467
There he is!

116
00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:25,362
Andy, you've got to check this
out. He just showed me what...

117
00:06:25,386 --> 00:06:28,013
(Shushes) Right now I
need canned tuna, okay?

118
00:06:28,973 --> 00:06:31,308
Darryl, guess which
talented individual,

119
00:06:31,475 --> 00:06:33,852
who also has
a killer singing voice,

120
00:06:33,936 --> 00:06:35,646
is related to the first lady.

121
00:06:36,188 --> 00:06:40,442
Tracee Ellis Ross, daughter of the
first lady of motown, Diana Ross.

122
00:06:41,819 --> 00:06:44,321
It's me. I'm related
to Michelle Obama.

123
00:06:44,530 --> 00:06:46,073
What? Really?

124
00:06:46,490 --> 00:06:47,908
I mean, it's distant, but...

125
00:06:47,992 --> 00:06:49,201
(Chuckles)

126
00:06:49,285 --> 00:06:50,286
That's cool, man.

127
00:06:50,661 --> 00:06:51,662
Right?

128
00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:55,874
Darryl said, "cool, man."
He called me a cool man.

129
00:06:59,795 --> 00:07:02,006
You know, I really do
think it'd be worth it to

130
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:04,383
pull over and just
take 10 minutes to eat.

131
00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:07,761
The thing is, Pam, I'm going
to be eating while I'm driving,

132
00:07:07,845 --> 00:07:09,430
so I might
as well get good at it.

133
00:07:09,513 --> 00:07:12,600
Brake lights. Brake lights!
Brake lights! Brake lights!

134
00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:14,101
(Tires screech) Whoo!

135
00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:16,604
I'm just saying, what does
it imply, in this country,

136
00:07:16,687 --> 00:07:19,007
when a white person shares
an ancestor with a black person?

137
00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:21,025
You think that Andy's
family owned slaves?

138
00:07:21,734 --> 00:07:24,111
Well, somebody owned somebody.

139
00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:26,614
And I don't think anybody
would buy an Andy.

140
00:07:27,448 --> 00:07:28,574
"I throat-rip."

141
00:07:28,824 --> 00:07:30,034
(Speaking Dothraki)

142
00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:31,118
"You throat-rip."

143
00:07:31,368 --> 00:07:32,453
(Speaking Dothraki)

144
00:07:32,578 --> 00:07:33,787
"He/she/it throat-rips."

145
00:07:33,871 --> 00:07:35,122
(Speaking Dothraki)

146
00:07:35,205 --> 00:07:36,582
More of a barbaric growl.

147
00:07:36,707 --> 00:07:37,916
(Speaking Dothraki)

148
00:07:38,042 --> 00:07:39,769
Loudeh you're shouting
it from the back of a horse!

149
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,462
(Speaking Dothraki loudly)

150
00:07:42,254 --> 00:07:44,423
Pretty crazy about
Andy and Michelle Obama, huh?

151
00:07:45,049 --> 00:07:48,886
(Chuckles) Yeah.
It's almost unbelievable.

152
00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:50,720
What?

153
00:07:50,763 --> 00:07:52,431
Well, you know how Andy has been

154
00:07:52,556 --> 00:07:54,266
really salting my onions lately?

155
00:07:55,017 --> 00:07:56,185
Sure.

156
00:07:56,435 --> 00:07:58,646
Well, when he asked me to
look up his ancestry online,

157
00:07:58,896 --> 00:08:00,216
I remembered that
news story about

158
00:08:00,314 --> 00:08:01,666
Michelle Obama
having white relatives,

159
00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:04,735
and I just knew he
would eat that up.

160
00:08:05,569 --> 00:08:07,446
So, he's not related
to Michelle Obama?

161
00:08:07,905 --> 00:08:11,408
Pam, I barely know
how to turn on my computer.

162
00:08:12,451 --> 00:08:13,744
(Laughs)

163
00:08:14,453 --> 00:08:17,081
Nellie's pretty fearless,
and I think she might

164
00:08:17,247 --> 00:08:19,875
be maybe even
almost sort of fun.

165
00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:21,251
(Whispering) Pam!

166
00:08:23,587 --> 00:08:24,755
(Laughs)

167
00:08:25,673 --> 00:08:27,113
Well, if there's
another explanation,

168
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:29,593
I don't really see
what it could possibly be.

169
00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:34,890
What's going on here? I'm
related to the first lady, okay?

170
00:08:34,973 --> 00:08:36,642
Get over it.

171
00:08:36,767 --> 00:08:38,811
I still need weekly status
reports from most of you.

172
00:08:38,894 --> 00:08:41,271
So, can we get
back to work, please?

173
00:08:41,814 --> 00:08:42,815
Get back to work.

174
00:08:43,148 --> 00:08:45,901
(Imitates whipping)

175
00:08:46,110 --> 00:08:50,572
Andy? Andy, no! I would
be very polite today.

176
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:52,616
Why? Is it employees'
day or something?

177
00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:54,493
I cannot keep track
of these bs holidays.

178
00:08:54,576 --> 00:08:56,954
Your connection
to Michelle Obama

179
00:08:57,121 --> 00:08:59,540
has certain
negative connotations.

180
00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:03,293
Most likely, your
family were slave owners.

181
00:09:04,670 --> 00:09:07,423
Does anyone else think it's possible
that I come from slave owners?

182
00:09:12,511 --> 00:09:15,013
Whoa. That person
has really gotten

183
00:09:15,139 --> 00:09:17,683
him or herself into
quite a predicament.

184
00:09:20,853 --> 00:09:22,706
Hey, mom, it's Andy. Give me
a call when you get a chance,

185
00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:24,398
got a quick question for you.

186
00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:27,276
No big deal, it's just about america's
national shame. Thanks, bye.

187
00:09:28,986 --> 00:09:30,237
Where were we?

188
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:33,657
Yes, okay,
your productivity thing.

189
00:09:34,158 --> 00:09:35,284
Darryl: Yes, yes, yes.

190
00:09:35,367 --> 00:09:38,662
Great. Ooh!
Spreadsheets. Yum, yum.

191
00:09:39,163 --> 00:09:40,664
I included some
time-saving ideas.

192
00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:42,642
Uh-huh, uh-huh. Look,
I'm not going to lie to you.

193
00:09:42,666 --> 00:09:44,418
I'm a teensy bit
distracted right now.

194
00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:47,171
Look, Andy, even if your
ancestors did own slaves,

195
00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:49,256
it wouldn't be your fault.

196
00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:51,508
This is only weird
if you make it weird.

197
00:09:52,551 --> 00:09:55,596
Right on, brother.
Word dat. (Groans)

198
00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:58,307
(Both speaking in Dothraki)

199
00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:05,522
Does anyone here have
fermented mare's milk?

200
00:10:10,194 --> 00:10:11,195
Hey, enn.

201
00:10:11,570 --> 00:10:13,197
(Speaking Dothraki)

202
00:10:13,489 --> 00:10:15,657
Oh. Okay. Sorry.

203
00:10:17,493 --> 00:10:20,493
Aw, still, it must be great to have
something else going on outside of work.

204
00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:22,414
Yeah. Turn signal. It's exciting

205
00:10:22,539 --> 00:10:24,458
to be painting again.
Those are the wipers.

206
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:27,961
So, it's just, there you
go. Yeah. (Chuckles)

207
00:10:29,213 --> 00:10:31,256
Yeah, things get so busy
with the kids, red light,

208
00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:33,467
that it's nice to
have a creative outlet.

209
00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:35,260
Renghfl renghfl red! Red!

210
00:10:35,344 --> 00:10:37,137
(Tires screech)

211
00:10:38,222 --> 00:10:41,517
That is brilliant, Pam! I would
love to see some of your work.

212
00:10:41,892 --> 00:10:45,187
Well, since we're
stopped at a light,

213
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:48,565
here is the mural
I did for Angela's baby.

214
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:55,197
That is amazing, Pam. Oh,
I love the lion in the tuxedo.

215
00:10:56,073 --> 00:10:59,409
Angela insisted that all
the animals be fully clothed.

216
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:03,747
Hey, has anyone turned in
their status reports up here?

217
00:11:05,082 --> 00:11:06,291
(Speaking Dothraki)

218
00:11:07,501 --> 00:11:08,544
So, no?

219
00:11:10,045 --> 00:11:11,797
Do you think maybe
you could remind people?

220
00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:14,132
I'm trying to downplay the
whole bossy boss thing today.

221
00:11:14,258 --> 00:11:15,551
Because of your slaves. Yep.

222
00:11:15,759 --> 00:11:20,222
Not my slaves, my ancestors'
maybe. Probably not.

223
00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:23,433
Oh. Well, if it makes
you feel any better,

224
00:11:23,559 --> 00:11:25,644
the Dothraki word
for slavemaster...

225
00:11:25,936 --> 00:11:28,730
(Speaking Dothraki)
Is a term of respect.

226
00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:32,693
I'm learning how to speak
Dothraki! Color you impressed.

227
00:11:33,068 --> 00:11:36,363
That you're learning a made-up
language from hbo's game of thrones?

228
00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:41,660
I have a lot going on today,
but this was a great nerd-out.

229
00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:47,141
Dwight! You didn't tell me you
were teaching me a fake language.

230
00:11:47,249 --> 00:11:50,085
People laughed at klingon at
first, and now you can major in it.

231
00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:54,298
(Indistinct chattering)

232
00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:55,674
Hi, guys.

233
00:11:55,757 --> 00:11:59,553
Hey, boss, I am so thirsty.
Can I have a scoop of water?

234
00:11:59,678 --> 00:12:02,598
Yeah, you don't have
to ask me. (Chuckles)

235
00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:07,978
Okay, great.
Very funny, I get it.

236
00:12:08,145 --> 00:12:10,564
Just because my
ancestors happen to be...

237
00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:12,065
(Dix/e playing)

238
00:12:19,114 --> 00:12:21,825
Very funny, Kevin. Change
my ringtone. Very funny.

239
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:25,871
I liked the original song on my
ringtone, which you may remember,

240
00:12:25,954 --> 00:12:28,415
was diamonds on the soles
of her shoes, by Paul Simon,

241
00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:33,420
featuring ladysmith,
African American mambazo.

242
00:12:36,757 --> 00:12:39,343
Good. Very good.
(Cell phone beeping)

243
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:41,428
Oh! No!

244
00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:45,265
Here, it's a text from Andy.

245
00:12:45,349 --> 00:12:47,893
"New special proj. Need
fam. Tree for evbody.

246
00:12:48,018 --> 00:12:50,604
"Really dig up dirt asap."

247
00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:54,316
And then in parentheses, he
wrote out, "as soon as possible."

248
00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:56,026
Oh, god.

249
00:12:56,401 --> 00:12:59,029
Looks like it's
pretendy time again.

250
00:12:59,154 --> 00:13:01,782
Write back, "looking for dirt."

251
00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:07,955
Oh. Can I help? We could say
someone is related to, um, Tonya Harding?

252
00:13:09,373 --> 00:13:11,750
Pam, I'm related
to Tonya Harding.

253
00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:13,710
Oh, gee, I'm...

254
00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:16,338
No, I'm just practicing
my lying.

255
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,924
I love it! Brilliant.

256
00:13:19,633 --> 00:13:21,218
What should we say about Jim?

257
00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:25,222
Um, oh! I'll say he's related to
Richard Nixon! It's an inside joke.

258
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:26,905
He looks really
Nixon-y when he wakes up.

259
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:32,229
My ex behaved like Nixon. All of
the lying, none of the sexual charisma.

260
00:13:34,398 --> 00:13:35,899
I just made a joke then.

261
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:38,402
I'm sorry. It's just, um,

262
00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:41,863
I actually do have this weird feeling that
there's something Jim isn't telling me.

263
00:13:42,239 --> 00:13:46,785
Oh, no. An affair,
it is always an affair.

264
00:13:47,411 --> 00:13:48,537
Jim? No.

265
00:13:49,246 --> 00:13:51,081
(Sighs) How can you be sure?

266
00:13:51,540 --> 00:13:53,583
Because he just
loves me too much.

267
00:13:55,419 --> 00:13:58,046
You're a cocky little
thing, aren't you, Pam?

268
00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:02,092
I've done a little genealogy
research of my own.

269
00:14:02,718 --> 00:14:04,845
Turns out I'm not the only
one with a few skeletons

270
00:14:04,970 --> 00:14:07,097
in the old family closet.

271
00:14:07,389 --> 00:14:11,309
For example, Phyllis'
great-great-grandmother was

272
00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:14,688
responsible for spreading
cholera to the United States.

273
00:14:14,813 --> 00:14:15,814
Angela: Ew.

274
00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:20,402
Kevin is related to both John
Wayne gacy and John Wayne bobbitt.

275
00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:22,112
And John Wayne?

276
00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:24,573
No, not that I see here.

277
00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:26,783
Wayne Johnson? The rock?

278
00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:31,079
You mean Dwayne, and no.
What about Jim Halpert?

279
00:14:31,163 --> 00:14:36,209
Uh-oh! Turns out, distant relative
of the reviled Richard Nixon.

280
00:14:36,918 --> 00:14:38,795
Pam always says
I look like Nixon.

281
00:14:38,962 --> 00:14:42,466
That's crazy, right?
I mean, there's nothing there.

282
00:14:43,425 --> 00:14:44,426
True.

283
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:49,222
Oh, no.

284
00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:51,808
Dwight's grandfather...

285
00:14:51,892 --> 00:14:53,643
Was a member of the bund,

286
00:14:53,769 --> 00:14:55,520
which is not technically
the same thing

287
00:14:55,604 --> 00:14:58,482
as the nazipafly.So_.

288
00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:00,850
(Clears throat) I was
going to say he was a tax evader.

289
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:06,865
I was joking about that whole
bund thing. The look on your faces.

290
00:15:07,491 --> 00:15:08,950
(Laughs)

291
00:15:10,494 --> 00:15:13,080
And Meredith is a blood
relative of Lizzie borden.

292
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:14,915
Cool. (Screeching)

293
00:15:14,998 --> 00:15:16,708
Stop it! Stop it!
You're frightening me.

294
00:15:16,792 --> 00:15:18,627
Andy, did you call this meeting

295
00:15:18,752 --> 00:15:20,587
just to talk junk
about our families?

296
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:21,731
Yeah, that, you're
being really mean.

297
00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:22,756
Stop it, Andy.

298
00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:25,008
No, I'm proving a point, okay?

299
00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:28,637
We all have ancestors who may
have done horrible things in the past,

300
00:15:28,804 --> 00:15:30,764
but it's in the past,
and it's not our fault,

301
00:15:30,889 --> 00:15:32,849
so we don't have
to talk about it.

302
00:15:33,308 --> 00:15:34,643
The difference is, Andy,

303
00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:37,229
that you're the only one
here still benefitting

304
00:15:37,354 --> 00:15:39,481
from the terrible things
your ancestors did.

305
00:15:39,815 --> 00:15:42,442
Might have done,
and how do you figure?

306
00:15:42,526 --> 00:15:44,361
Your family is rich.

307
00:15:44,486 --> 00:15:46,339
I have to believe that a big
part of the Bernard fortune

308
00:15:46,363 --> 00:15:48,198
was earned
on the backs of slaves.

309
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:51,177
You know, there's nothing wrong
with being successful in america, Oscar.

310
00:15:51,201 --> 00:15:53,245
I'm not going to apologize
for my family's wealth.

311
00:15:53,411 --> 00:15:56,039
That wealth could one day
benefit society,

312
00:15:56,790 --> 00:15:59,626
if capital gains are ever taxed at
the same rate as earned income.

313
00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:00,710
(Dix/e playing)

314
00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:05,048
Okay, Kevin did that.
I do not wish I was in Dixie.

315
00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:07,509
Hey, mom. How are you?

316
00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:11,805
Did any bernards ever own
a plantation in the south?

317
00:16:13,723 --> 00:16:15,225
She said, "no." Take that!

318
00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:20,147
Follow-up question, did any bernards
ever make money in an unsavory way?

319
00:16:25,569 --> 00:16:27,529
I just asked you... why
didn't you just say that?

320
00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:30,407
Okay, stop. Stop.

321
00:16:30,574 --> 00:16:33,827
Stop talking! Stop talking! That's...
No, I don't want to know that.

322
00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:37,789
Okay. You're interrupting a
meeting. I have to go. Love you. Bye.

323
00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:43,170
Well, it turns out the bernards
of yore did not own slaves.

324
00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:44,254
Really?

325
00:16:44,462 --> 00:16:49,176
We merely transported them, which
at worst makes us amoral middlemen.

326
00:16:51,261 --> 00:16:53,221
(Clapping)

327
00:16:57,767 --> 00:16:59,644
Yo, d-dog. I need your help.

328
00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:01,581
I'm trying to think of things I
can say that make it sound like

329
00:17:01,605 --> 00:17:03,457
I had a more difficult
childhood than I actually had.

330
00:17:03,481 --> 00:17:04,521
You're going to po' mouth.

331
00:17:04,608 --> 00:17:06,401
Exactly! Help me
"po' mouth," Darryl.

332
00:17:06,610 --> 00:17:08,403
Actually, Andy,
you promised me five minutes

333
00:17:08,486 --> 00:17:10,280
to talk about
productivity suggestions.

334
00:17:10,447 --> 00:17:12,616
What if I said
that my dad beat me,

335
00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:14,910
and I just left out
the croquet of it all?

336
00:17:15,452 --> 00:17:19,039
Or I could just go all the way
and say I grew up in an apartment.

337
00:17:19,122 --> 00:17:20,123
Or is that too crazy?

338
00:17:20,832 --> 00:17:22,292
That could work.

339
00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:25,086
You know, Darryl,
this is textbook

340
00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:27,339
assistant regional manager
stuff here, and I feel like

341
00:17:27,422 --> 00:17:29,132
I'm doing all the heavy lifting.

342
00:17:29,299 --> 00:17:31,051
I'm coming up with
all the ideas here.

343
00:17:32,093 --> 00:17:33,386
I'm going for a walk.

344
00:17:33,970 --> 00:17:34,971
Okay.

345
00:17:41,811 --> 00:17:44,648
Pam: Good, good, and...

346
00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:58,453
You doing all right, man?

347
00:17:58,662 --> 00:18:01,998
I'm done. I got
to get out of here.

348
00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:06,628
Yeah, not the easiest day to
be assistant regional manager.

349
00:18:07,504 --> 00:18:09,381
It's not just today,
it's every day.

350
00:18:10,340 --> 00:18:13,468
Seems like the better title I
have, the stupider my job gets.

351
00:18:14,511 --> 00:18:16,351
Well, come on. It can
always get better, right?

352
00:18:17,514 --> 00:18:18,556
Hmm. Yeah, right.

353
00:18:20,350 --> 00:18:22,769
No, I'm serious. There's
always something better.

354
00:18:23,728 --> 00:18:24,854
Like what?

355
00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:26,898
Like, hypothetically,

356
00:18:28,066 --> 00:18:32,487
if I said that there was another
job that you and I could both have.

357
00:18:33,697 --> 00:18:35,031
What kind ofjob?

358
00:18:35,573 --> 00:18:39,703
Something cool,
like sports marketing, or...

359
00:18:39,828 --> 00:18:42,122
Does that sound like
something you'd be into?

360
00:18:42,205 --> 00:18:43,456
Hell, yeah. Right?

361
00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:44,940
That sounds awesome.
Okay. But wait,

362
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,352
what if I told you
that it was in Philly?

363
00:18:46,376 --> 00:18:47,419
So you'd have to...

364
00:18:47,544 --> 00:18:48,586
I love Philly.

365
00:18:48,670 --> 00:18:49,671
Right?

366
00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:50,794
That's not even a thought.

367
00:18:50,839 --> 00:18:52,719
Not even a thought.
It's not even that far away.

368
00:18:52,841 --> 00:18:56,219
I could still commute.
Exacfly. Exacfly!

369
00:18:57,053 --> 00:18:58,471
All right.

370
00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:01,725
What? Wait, wait, wait!
So what, is this happening?

371
00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:05,603
Oh, it's happening. Let's just keep
it between you and me for right now.

372
00:19:05,729 --> 00:19:08,773
Yeah. For sure, for sure, for
sure. Man. And Pam's into it?

373
00:19:10,525 --> 00:19:12,319
Yeah, we haven't
talked about it, but I think

374
00:19:12,444 --> 00:19:14,237
that she's...
I think she understands.

375
00:19:14,321 --> 00:19:15,530
Aw, come on, man.

376
00:19:15,613 --> 00:19:16,948
Ithoughtyou had something real.

377
00:19:17,073 --> 00:19:18,450
What? No, no, no. Come on.

378
00:19:18,533 --> 00:19:19,576
This is real.

379
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:22,912
It's not real until
your wife is on board.

380
00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:28,626
So what did you want to show me?

381
00:19:28,752 --> 00:19:31,379
That is quite
an ugly wall, isn't it?

382
00:19:31,921 --> 00:19:33,423
Pam: Yeah. It's really ugly.

383
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:37,510
It needs something, doesn't
it? I'm thinking a mural.

384
00:19:39,596 --> 00:19:40,597
You mean me?

385
00:19:40,764 --> 00:19:46,186
Yes, you! You are so talented. It's
going to be my next special project,

386
00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:48,688
hiring Scranton's most
dangerous young muralist

387
00:19:48,772 --> 00:19:50,440
to paint the warehouse wall.

388
00:19:51,149 --> 00:19:54,944
Oh, my god, I love it.
Nellie, this is brilliant!

389
00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:58,490
Hey. Can I talk to
you for a second?

390
00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:03,078
Anything you have to say
to her, you can say to me.

391
00:20:03,161 --> 00:20:04,329
She never loved you!

392
00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:07,040
What? No, I... I
got this. It's okay.

393
00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:09,751
This is his fault.
It is not your fault.

394
00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:13,296
I'm going to find you
someone better and rich.

395
00:20:13,838 --> 00:20:17,300
And Filipino, butwe'll
break that to her later.

396
00:20:19,469 --> 00:20:21,304
You know what this is all about?

397
00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:23,807
Yeah. You, too, huh?

398
00:20:24,099 --> 00:20:25,266
Yeah.

399
00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:29,646
Go on, spill it!

400
00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:34,192
Tell her all the gory
details, you snake!

401
00:20:34,609 --> 00:20:39,322
Hey, he deserves this, and
he said I could get in on it, too.

402
00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:41,991
Yeah.

403
00:20:44,285 --> 00:20:48,331
Oh, Pam, no! Oh,
I can't bear to watch this.

404
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:51,084
I don't know what
I was so worried about.

405
00:20:51,209 --> 00:20:53,253
I have the best
wife in the world.

406
00:20:54,712 --> 00:20:56,798
I still can't believe
he didn't tell me.

407
00:21:07,392 --> 00:21:08,577
I was helping
Nellie drive, and...

408
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,186
Do not care.

409
00:21:16,192 --> 00:21:17,944
(Speaking Dothraki)

410
00:21:18,695 --> 00:21:20,196
(Speaking Dothraki)

411
00:21:20,905 --> 00:21:22,198
(Erin chuckles)

412
00:21:24,242 --> 00:21:27,620
I like that guy. We should
hook him up with Meredith.

413
00:21:28,371 --> 00:21:29,372
Ooh.