1 00:00:04,714 --> 00:00:07,550 Pam: Hey, Brian, you got a sec? 2 00:00:07,633 --> 00:00:10,303 Yeah, I know what you're going to say, and it's all right. 3 00:00:10,386 --> 00:00:13,222 No, I heard... I heard you got in trouble. I feel awful. 4 00:00:13,306 --> 00:00:17,185 It's fine. It was my first slip-up in nine years of miking you. 5 00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:18,871 Erin: Dundermifflin, this is Erin. 6 00:00:18,895 --> 00:00:20,688 Well, thanks for being a good friend. 7 00:00:20,771 --> 00:00:22,106 Sure, any time. 8 00:00:22,190 --> 00:00:23,834 How about you and Jim? Everything squared away? 9 00:00:23,858 --> 00:00:26,110 Yeah. Mostly. 10 00:00:26,944 --> 00:00:28,821 Erin: Pam, phone call. 11 00:00:30,823 --> 00:00:31,949 Hey, say hi to Alyssa. 12 00:00:32,033 --> 00:00:33,117 Will do. 13 00:00:33,201 --> 00:00:35,119 Okay, thank you. Sure. 14 00:00:36,454 --> 00:00:38,372 Meredith: Hey, boom guy. 15 00:00:38,456 --> 00:00:39,624 Oh, hey, Meredith. 16 00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:41,083 When are you going to boom me? 17 00:00:41,167 --> 00:00:43,687 Uh, listen, they're cracking down on us talking to the subjects. 18 00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:46,380 It's a lame rule, but, you know, I want to... I have to... 19 00:00:46,464 --> 00:00:48,633 I'll see you later. Got it. 20 00:01:19,997 --> 00:01:20,998 Hey. 21 00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:22,684 So I hear you're bringing in some people 22 00:01:22,708 --> 00:01:24,126 to interview for the sales job. 23 00:01:25,002 --> 00:01:26,754 That's right, a couple of old friends. 24 00:01:27,255 --> 00:01:30,633 Ballers only, must be this cool to ride. 25 00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:33,010 Well, see... you raised it. 26 00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:36,097 Oh, did I? Oh, yes, I did. 27 00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:38,349 Wallace is letting me hire a junior sales associate 28 00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:40,935 to sit at Jim's desk while he's away in Philly. 29 00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:44,230 Finally, I'll have someone at my desk clump who gets me. 30 00:01:44,355 --> 00:01:47,483 It's like, "really, Jim? You don't understand the difference 31 00:01:47,566 --> 00:01:50,444 "between a slaughterhouse and a rendering plant? Uh. 32 00:01:50,528 --> 00:01:54,740 "Remind me not to lend you any dead cows or horses." Wow! 33 00:01:54,865 --> 00:01:56,909 You know what, man? I deserve this job. Mmm-mmm? 34 00:01:56,993 --> 00:01:58,953 I scored stone & son suit warehouse with you. 35 00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:01,497 And god knows, to get the Scranton white pages with jan, 36 00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:04,750 I went above and beyond, and under. 37 00:02:05,209 --> 00:02:06,752 You know what? 38 00:02:06,836 --> 00:02:08,963 You're going to get your interview. Okay? 39 00:02:09,046 --> 00:02:11,316 I know that you're going head-to-head against some real superstars, 40 00:02:11,340 --> 00:02:13,301 but you've got a really good chance. 41 00:02:13,384 --> 00:02:15,469 Clark has no chance. 42 00:02:15,553 --> 00:02:17,888 I mean he's up against my buddy Rolf, for god's sake! 43 00:02:17,972 --> 00:02:20,808 The guy goes fishing with hand grenades. And Trevor? 44 00:02:20,891 --> 00:02:23,519 He'll make you laugh so hard you'll puke your pants. 45 00:02:23,602 --> 00:02:24,812 This sucks. You know? 46 00:02:24,895 --> 00:02:27,481 You put in 12 grueling weeks at a company and what do they do? 47 00:02:27,565 --> 00:02:30,735 They make you compete for a promotion. Like an animal! 48 00:02:30,818 --> 00:02:34,322 You know, I thought this was an office, not the thunderdome. 49 00:02:34,405 --> 00:02:36,532 Big changes coming to the old desk clump. 50 00:02:36,699 --> 00:02:39,702 Nolonger a Pam-Jim alliance against Dwight. 51 00:02:39,785 --> 00:02:43,539 Now it is Dwight-and-a-friend axis against Pam. 52 00:02:43,706 --> 00:02:45,642 You could have just called that an alliance, too, right? 53 00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:48,085 I chose my words very carefully. 54 00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:51,922 Things are a little delicate with me and Pam right now, 55 00:02:52,006 --> 00:02:53,632 and if my working in Philly is going 56 00:02:53,716 --> 00:02:55,676 to end up doubling the Dwight in her life, 57 00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:57,845 that's only going to make things worse. 58 00:03:03,142 --> 00:03:04,852 You interviewing for the sales job, too? 59 00:03:04,935 --> 00:03:08,189 No, you're interviewing for it. I'm getting it. 60 00:03:08,272 --> 00:03:09,750 Well, iwouldn't be so sure about that. 61 00:03:09,774 --> 00:03:11,251 I mean, I've been working here 12 weeks. 62 00:03:11,275 --> 00:03:13,027 That's a full season of homeland. 63 00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:16,113 A ton of things can happen in that amount of time, as we've seen. 64 00:03:16,364 --> 00:03:18,866 I'm Rolf. Rolf aul. 65 00:03:18,949 --> 00:03:20,868 Rolf aul. 66 00:03:20,951 --> 00:03:22,370 Sounds kind of like roald dahl. 67 00:03:22,453 --> 00:03:23,579 Go to hell. 68 00:03:23,954 --> 00:03:25,039 Dwight: There he is! 69 00:03:26,290 --> 00:03:27,434 Come on, buddy, let's do this. 70 00:03:27,458 --> 00:03:28,876 Sorry, Rolf goes first. 71 00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:31,879 You don't compare. When you're with the r-o-I-f, 72 00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:35,257 you're literally rolling on the laughing floor! 73 00:03:35,466 --> 00:03:36,884 Nice! 74 00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:41,472 Rolf is my best friend, and he is the man! 75 00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:44,225 Cool, calm and collected, 24/7. 76 00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:46,811 Just try and rattle Rolf. I dare you. 77 00:03:47,269 --> 00:03:48,729 Such a sweet guy. 78 00:03:48,813 --> 00:03:50,332 Isaac: When are you talking to David Wallace? 79 00:03:50,356 --> 00:03:52,542 I'm talking to him this afternoon, but don't get your hopes up. 80 00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:53,943 Too late. My hopes are up. 81 00:03:54,026 --> 00:03:56,237 Last week, my company in Philly lost a big investor, 82 00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,406 so we're scrambling to find new funding. 83 00:03:58,489 --> 00:04:00,699 Luckhy, my partners have a fix, 84 00:04:00,783 --> 00:04:03,619 me asking the boss of the company I'm abandoning 85 00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:06,539 to give us a gigantic influx of cash. 86 00:04:06,622 --> 00:04:10,209 So, problem solved. Thanks, guys. 87 00:04:10,835 --> 00:04:13,295 This chair's going to be yours! And this desk! 88 00:04:13,379 --> 00:04:14,922 I'm on the phone. I'm on the phone. 89 00:04:15,131 --> 00:04:16,382 No doy! 90 00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:18,567 I'm just going to call you back. Thanks. 91 00:04:20,886 --> 00:04:24,765 I hope you like Norwegian black metal, because I don't do ear buds. 92 00:04:24,849 --> 00:04:25,933 Ho-ho! 93 00:04:26,016 --> 00:04:27,643 No ear buds! 94 00:04:30,646 --> 00:04:31,856 I'm sure he's just nervous. 95 00:04:33,149 --> 00:04:36,902 It's fine. It's just a seating arrangement. It doesn't matter. 96 00:04:40,156 --> 00:04:43,951 So, I've got your resume here, but it's not telling me everything. 97 00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:45,679 Rolf: A lot of that information is private. 98 00:04:45,703 --> 00:04:47,913 How do I know you're qualified to evaluate me? 99 00:04:47,997 --> 00:04:49,557 I'm the one offering the job. 100 00:04:49,582 --> 00:04:50,791 What are your credentials? 101 00:04:50,875 --> 00:04:52,460 I've worked here for 12 years. 102 00:04:52,543 --> 00:04:55,105 I've won salesman of the year, I'm an assistant to the regional manager. 103 00:04:55,129 --> 00:04:56,356 I think I've heard everything I need to hear. 104 00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:59,216 Wait, wait. No, if you need to know more, you can call David Wallace. 105 00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:00,360 I'm sure he'd give a reference. 106 00:05:00,384 --> 00:05:02,720 Thank you, Dwight. I1ibeintouch. 107 00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:07,266 Well, they can't all be winners. 108 00:05:07,349 --> 00:05:09,768 But Trevor's next, and he's a real professional. 109 00:05:09,852 --> 00:05:13,147 You say "jump," and he says "on who?" 110 00:05:13,230 --> 00:05:15,774 He loves to jump on people, that Trevor. 111 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:19,570 What makes you think you'd be an effective paper salesman? 112 00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:23,157 Oh, okay. Didn't see that one coming. 113 00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:27,077 Can I take a 20 on that, maybe we can circle back around to it? 114 00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:28,746 Well, it's a pretty basic question 115 00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,414 for a potential paper salesman. 116 00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:32,374 Pass. Next one. 117 00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:34,919 All right. Do you see yourself as 118 00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:37,338 more of a team player or a self-starter? 119 00:05:37,463 --> 00:05:39,882 No, no and no. 120 00:05:41,342 --> 00:05:42,760 There were only two options. 121 00:05:43,427 --> 00:05:45,179 Check mate. 122 00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:47,431 You win this one, my friend. 123 00:05:48,265 --> 00:05:49,934 Do you validate parking? 124 00:05:51,352 --> 00:05:52,937 This is a bus transfer. 125 00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:55,898 Nothing gets by this guy. 126 00:05:59,109 --> 00:06:00,110 Hey, Jim? 127 00:06:00,194 --> 00:06:02,380 Do you mind if! Look over these price sheets before my interview? 128 00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:03,614 Sure, yeah. Go ahead. 129 00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:04,949 Thanks, dude. 130 00:06:10,329 --> 00:06:12,265 You... you sure it's okay? 'Cause you're kind of... 131 00:06:12,289 --> 00:06:15,793 Yeah. Absolutely. Do people like sitting next to you? 132 00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:16,919 You're clean, right? 133 00:06:17,253 --> 00:06:18,796 Dove men. Nice. 134 00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:20,839 Music, do you listen to it in ear buds? 135 00:06:22,508 --> 00:06:24,528 You don't listen to it at all. Because we're at work, 136 00:06:24,552 --> 00:06:26,345 not a Florence and the machine concert, so... 137 00:06:26,804 --> 00:06:30,057 Yeah. Could I just have a minute to prepare for this? 138 00:06:30,224 --> 00:06:32,768 Sure, yeah. Do whatever you need to do, 139 00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:34,979 right after you do one thing for me. 140 00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:37,844 I need you to breathe in my face. 141 00:06:39,149 --> 00:06:41,819 I need you to breathe in my face right now. 142 00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:46,132 What are we working with, peppermint or wintergreen? 143 00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:47,241 Wintergreen. I knew it. 144 00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:48,325 Yeah. I knew it. 145 00:06:48,826 --> 00:06:50,136 Good nose! I looked at you coming around, 146 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:51,745 and I said "wintergreen." 147 00:06:51,829 --> 00:06:53,038 Dwight: I can't hire Clark. 148 00:06:53,122 --> 00:06:56,417 Yeah, he looks like a schrute, but he thinks like a Halpert, 149 00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:59,003 and he acts like a beesly. 150 00:06:59,295 --> 00:07:00,671 Okay, here's one. 151 00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:02,114 A customer who ordered enough paper 152 00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:03,452 to qualify for a volume discount 153 00:07:03,507 --> 00:07:05,342 now wants to return half the stock. 154 00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:07,261 You can't rebate the sales price 155 00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:09,722 or credit for future purchases, 156 00:07:09,805 --> 00:07:13,142 because you brokered the deal for a third party. 157 00:07:13,225 --> 00:07:14,893 That's just a classic no-win situation. 158 00:07:14,977 --> 00:07:15,978 Thank you. 159 00:07:16,061 --> 00:07:17,187 So, I'd kobayashi maru it. 160 00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:20,399 Damn it! Perfect answer, again! 161 00:07:20,858 --> 00:07:22,192 Yep. Okay, think, Dwight, think. 162 00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:25,404 You have a ream of 16 bond and... you know what, Dwight? 163 00:07:25,529 --> 00:07:28,782 This interview is over and I get the job. 164 00:07:28,866 --> 00:07:31,035 I just kobayashi maru'd the whole process. 165 00:07:32,161 --> 00:07:33,537 Yeah. 166 00:07:33,621 --> 00:07:34,705 Star Trek rules. 167 00:07:34,997 --> 00:07:36,790 Itdoes, butsfih, no. 168 00:07:36,874 --> 00:07:40,252 Come on, man. Did Trevor do that? Did Rolf do that? 169 00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:42,129 Oh, you think they're my only friends? 170 00:07:42,212 --> 00:07:43,922 I've got way more friends than that. 171 00:07:44,006 --> 00:07:46,133 And they're all better than the losers who work here. 172 00:07:54,099 --> 00:07:57,519 This is not natural. 173 00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:03,984 I just don't want to make assumptions 174 00:08:04,068 --> 00:08:05,736 based on people's physical appearances. 175 00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:08,489 Of course not. But does physical appearance include smell? 176 00:08:08,572 --> 00:08:10,199 They smell so bad. 177 00:08:10,366 --> 00:08:12,868 If I ever get that bad, you'd tell me, right? 178 00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:14,620 Meredith, I tell you all the time. 179 00:08:14,870 --> 00:08:16,997 Walked right into that one! 180 00:08:18,582 --> 00:08:20,334 Dwight: Next up, my cousin mose. 181 00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:22,503 Mose could make a great paper salesman. 182 00:08:22,586 --> 00:08:24,773 He's got a natural fear of paper, which would motivate him 183 00:08:24,797 --> 00:08:27,174 to get as much of it out of this office as possible. 184 00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:29,718 I've got big expectations, mose-wise. 185 00:08:29,802 --> 00:08:32,513 What quality would make you a good sales associate? 186 00:08:32,930 --> 00:08:34,056 People person. 187 00:08:34,264 --> 00:08:37,101 It says here on your resume that you spent the last 15 years 188 00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:39,186 as a sales rep for dow chemical. 189 00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:40,354 That's right. 190 00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:41,717 You know we live together, right? 191 00:08:41,772 --> 00:08:42,856 Yes. 192 00:08:42,940 --> 00:08:45,401 And I've never seen you go to work ever. 193 00:08:46,068 --> 00:08:47,152 Okay. 194 00:08:47,236 --> 00:08:48,612 So why is this on your resume? 195 00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:15,973 So, how'd you guys hear about the position? 196 00:09:16,140 --> 00:09:18,892 My mom. Dwight called my house, 197 00:09:18,976 --> 00:09:21,520 but he didn't realize that I had already moved out. 198 00:09:21,687 --> 00:09:23,480 Because my mom and I are quarreling, 199 00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:26,150 because I can't stay out of her stuff. 200 00:09:26,692 --> 00:09:27,693 Zeke: Dwight's my cousin. 201 00:09:27,776 --> 00:09:29,653 So I overheard him telling my brother mose 202 00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:31,780 about the job opportunity in the shower. 203 00:09:31,864 --> 00:09:33,782 You were in the shower? Or he was in the shower? 204 00:09:33,866 --> 00:09:35,242 Everyone was in the shower. 205 00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:39,121 It's a cow shower. So there's like a ton of people in there. 206 00:09:39,204 --> 00:09:40,622 So you guys all know Dwight already? 207 00:09:40,706 --> 00:09:44,460 I was his babysitter, and then we dated for a while. 208 00:09:44,543 --> 00:09:48,630 He was a passionate lover and the sweetest little baby. 209 00:09:48,714 --> 00:09:50,632 I knew you looked familiar. 210 00:09:50,716 --> 00:09:52,259 You used to pick up Dwight from school. 211 00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:54,762 You went to X-Men school, too? 212 00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:57,723 X-Men school? 213 00:09:57,806 --> 00:10:00,976 When I was young, I spent several years at a private school 214 00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:02,561 where I was told I would be taught 215 00:10:02,644 --> 00:10:04,354 to harness my mutant abilities. 216 00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:06,648 Turned out it was a conman copying 217 00:10:06,732 --> 00:10:09,234 Charles Xavier's school for gifted youngsters, 218 00:10:09,318 --> 00:10:10,861 from the X-Men comic books. 219 00:10:10,986 --> 00:10:14,656 It took me years to figure out that it was a con. 220 00:10:14,740 --> 00:10:16,825 Some people never figured it out. 221 00:10:16,909 --> 00:10:19,870 Oh, I have a few powers. Night hearing! 222 00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:22,039 Dogs understand where I point. 223 00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:24,124 And our training included picking carrots, 224 00:10:24,208 --> 00:10:27,836 scrubbing tubs, sewing imitation Levi's, 225 00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:29,379 a lot of telemarketing. 226 00:10:30,881 --> 00:10:34,301 I don't want to sit near any of those people for the next 20 years. 227 00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:35,636 Someone say something. 228 00:10:35,719 --> 00:10:37,155 I said something when they were thinking 229 00:10:37,179 --> 00:10:39,223 of hiring Jim, didn't work then. 230 00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:41,266 Now look what he's doing to us. 231 00:10:41,391 --> 00:10:43,143 Yeah, Jim, this is all yourfault. 232 00:10:43,227 --> 00:10:44,227 How is it my fault? 233 00:10:44,269 --> 00:10:46,021 Here's an exercise for you, Jim. 234 00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:49,107 Imagine there are consequences to your actions. 235 00:10:49,191 --> 00:10:52,986 Hmm. Imagine the whole world does not revolve around this. 236 00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:54,655 There are others. 237 00:10:54,905 --> 00:10:57,157 But it's Dwight who's bringing in all the weirdoes. 238 00:10:57,241 --> 00:10:58,826 Yeah, but, Jim, Dwight's a weirdo. 239 00:10:58,909 --> 00:11:00,953 We can't blame a weirdo for bringing in weirdoes. 240 00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:03,705 We can blame a normal for creating a situation 241 00:11:03,789 --> 00:11:05,958 where a weirdo is allowed to bring in weirdoes. 242 00:11:06,041 --> 00:11:08,293 Hey, I'm the one who has to sit next to this weirdo 243 00:11:08,377 --> 00:11:09,878 when Jim's away. 244 00:11:09,962 --> 00:11:11,722 I'm in a position where I'm rooting for Nate, 245 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:14,258 and that just feels wrong. 246 00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:19,137 Forget it. I need to work on my mural. 247 00:11:19,972 --> 00:11:22,724 I have some pointy trees that I need to round off. 248 00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:32,985 David: Hey, Jim, I thought our call was for later. 249 00:11:33,068 --> 00:11:35,404 Yeah, this is actually about the new sales guy. 250 00:11:35,487 --> 00:11:38,282 Uh, Dwight has brought in a bunch of real weirdoes, 251 00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:40,343 and I was wondering if I could have some input into... 252 00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:42,095 This is Dwight schrute. Who am I speaking to? 253 00:11:42,119 --> 00:11:43,680 And don't lie, I can tell if you're lying. 254 00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:45,289 Hey, Dwight, it's David. David! 255 00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:47,958 Jim says he'd like some say in the hiring process. 256 00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,211 Really? That's interesting, 257 00:11:51,295 --> 00:11:54,423 'cause I was thinking that since Jim is only here part-time, 258 00:11:54,506 --> 00:11:57,050 he might not be as invested in the decision-making process 259 00:11:57,134 --> 00:11:58,760 as someone like me, who's here every day 260 00:11:58,844 --> 00:12:00,470 and, frankly, killing it lately. 261 00:12:00,554 --> 00:12:01,847 I was just thinking that, because 262 00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:03,658 this person is going to be sitting at my desk, 263 00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:04,725 near my wife... 264 00:12:04,808 --> 00:12:05,893 David: Jim, another thing. 265 00:12:05,976 --> 00:12:07,603 Since we are going to have to hire 266 00:12:07,686 --> 00:12:09,563 this junior sales associate to cover for you, 267 00:12:09,646 --> 00:12:11,231 I'm going to have to pay you only 268 00:12:11,315 --> 00:12:13,066 for the days that you actually work. 269 00:12:14,818 --> 00:12:15,944 Oh, um. 270 00:12:16,028 --> 00:12:17,154 Yeah. 271 00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:20,073 Okay. I can't say that that's not fair. 272 00:12:20,157 --> 00:12:21,277 It sounds fair to me, David. 273 00:12:21,325 --> 00:12:23,052 Now, I know we have a call scheduled for later. 274 00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,556 Oh, yeah. So we'll just do that later. 275 00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:25,913 No, why not do it now? 276 00:12:25,996 --> 00:12:27,372 Yeah, what's up, Jim? 277 00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:29,833 Uh... 278 00:12:29,917 --> 00:12:31,335 Well, it's about athlead. 279 00:12:32,628 --> 00:12:34,689 I'm sorry. Does Dwight have to be on this part of the phone call? 280 00:12:34,713 --> 00:12:36,256 I'd love to be in the loop, David. 281 00:12:36,340 --> 00:12:37,424 It's okay. Go ahead, Jim. 282 00:12:39,343 --> 00:12:42,179 There's a very exciting opportunity to be a core investor... 283 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,806 Okay, Jim, I'm going to have to stop you right there. 284 00:12:44,890 --> 00:12:46,516 Yes, okay. Bye. 285 00:12:50,604 --> 00:12:52,814 I'd love to invest. No, thanks. 286 00:12:52,898 --> 00:12:55,150 I'd like to give you $100 million. 287 00:13:03,742 --> 00:13:06,703 Why you make trees into bushes? 288 00:13:06,787 --> 00:13:09,247 You don't make paper from bushes. 289 00:13:09,331 --> 00:13:11,458 Hide, they're giving outjobs upstairs. 290 00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:13,210 Why don't you go up and get one? 291 00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:15,128 Thank you. 292 00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:17,005 Yeah. 293 00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:25,055 Vvhoops! 294 00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:35,065 It's dense. Like bread. 295 00:13:40,696 --> 00:13:43,281 Dwight, you can't just hire someone because they're your friend. 296 00:13:43,407 --> 00:13:45,659 I'm not. These people are the best of the best. 297 00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:48,161 I find talent an attractive quality in a friend. 298 00:13:48,245 --> 00:13:49,538 They're freaks, Dwight. 299 00:13:49,621 --> 00:13:52,124 All your friends are weirdoes and freaks. 300 00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:54,167 You know who else was a freak? 301 00:13:54,251 --> 00:13:57,045 Spider-man. And he was also a hero. 302 00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:58,839 Your friends are like spider-man, 303 00:13:58,922 --> 00:14:00,882 if he had gotten bitten by a spider 304 00:14:00,966 --> 00:14:03,260 and then got really into masturbating. 305 00:14:04,386 --> 00:14:06,614 Man, how cool is it going to be when I start working here? 306 00:14:06,638 --> 00:14:07,931 Paintball fights at lunch! 307 00:14:08,015 --> 00:14:09,683 Ooh! Mandatory paintball. 308 00:14:09,766 --> 00:14:11,285 Uh, wolf, please report to the parking lot 309 00:14:11,309 --> 00:14:12,894 for mandatory paintball at lunch. 310 00:14:12,978 --> 00:14:14,938 Wolf is hilarious. He's executed me 311 00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:17,149 over 100 times at point blank range. 312 00:14:17,232 --> 00:14:19,192 Half of them, we were on the same team. 313 00:14:19,276 --> 00:14:21,862 Oh, my god, how I screamed. 314 00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:23,113 Ah, that goof. 315 00:14:23,405 --> 00:14:25,615 Sell me this piece of paper. 316 00:14:26,783 --> 00:14:27,826 Watch this. 317 00:14:27,951 --> 00:14:30,037 Do you want this paper? I sure do. 318 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:31,872 It's not very good. 319 00:14:31,955 --> 00:14:33,623 I will pay you whatever it takes. 320 00:14:33,749 --> 00:14:35,083 I think I want to keep it now. 321 00:14:35,167 --> 00:14:37,335 It must be pretty special if you want it so bad. 322 00:14:37,419 --> 00:14:39,689 No, you have lots of other pieces of paper that are just like it. 323 00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:40,773 So here, just take my money. 324 00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:43,633 Stop trying to get my paper, buddy! Okay? Read my lips, it's over. 325 00:14:43,759 --> 00:14:46,720 Okay. Good. That was great. So... 326 00:14:47,804 --> 00:14:49,514 Wow. You're still at the 570 number? 327 00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:51,141 Okay. I am. 328 00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:52,809 Good, good, good. 329 00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:57,898 I have eight years experience selling 330 00:14:57,981 --> 00:15:01,359 electronics in sanyo store, downtown Tokyo. 331 00:15:01,485 --> 00:15:02,903 I was a doctor, 332 00:15:02,986 --> 00:15:07,074 and I have a business degree from Tokyo university. 333 00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:10,786 This isn't going to work out. 334 00:15:12,996 --> 00:15:14,247 Thank you! 335 00:15:18,794 --> 00:15:20,587 Nate is a proven entity, 336 00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:24,382 but not without his handicaps, hearing, vision, basic cognition. 337 00:15:24,966 --> 00:15:27,594 Trevor is great, but I saw no fire in him today, 338 00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:29,971 and this is a guy who loves to start fires. 339 00:15:30,055 --> 00:15:32,432 Troy is literally one of a kind. 340 00:15:32,516 --> 00:15:36,895 He's a goblin or a hobbit or a kobold, which is a type of gremlin. 341 00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:39,064 And yet I'm hesitant. 342 00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:41,691 Why can't I pull the trigger on any of them? 343 00:15:41,817 --> 00:15:44,486 Dwight: No, no, no. 344 00:15:45,779 --> 00:15:47,489 I just need to tell them. 345 00:15:47,572 --> 00:15:49,616 I just need to tell them. 346 00:15:52,702 --> 00:15:54,121 Do you need to be changed? 347 00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:56,581 I do that myself now. Hmm. 348 00:15:57,541 --> 00:15:59,501 Are you going to make a decision soon? 349 00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:01,378 I've been double-parked for five hours. 350 00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,255 I'm wondering if I should move my car. 351 00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:05,132 No, you've been towed by now. 352 00:16:05,215 --> 00:16:07,634 They tow after about 45 minutes. 353 00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:11,138 Well, the joke's on them. I live right next to the tow yard. 354 00:16:11,221 --> 00:16:13,723 All they did was save me some gas. 355 00:16:14,558 --> 00:16:16,643 Hey, man. We get how difficult this is, 356 00:16:16,726 --> 00:16:19,326 and no matter who you choose, we're still going to be your friend. 357 00:16:19,396 --> 00:16:22,691 Yeah, whether it's me, or Troy underbridge, or Gabor, or melvina... 358 00:16:22,774 --> 00:16:24,234 Or none of you. Wolf: Yeah. 359 00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,170 You'd bring us all down here, put us through the ringer, 360 00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:27,255 and then choose none of us. 361 00:16:27,279 --> 00:16:29,239 Can you imagine how insulting that would be? 362 00:16:29,364 --> 00:16:32,617 The contempt that a person like that would have to have for you. 363 00:16:33,535 --> 00:16:35,328 I wish I could hire all of you. 364 00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:37,080 I could start Monday. 365 00:16:40,917 --> 00:16:42,252 Psst. Jim. 366 00:16:44,045 --> 00:16:45,130 Jim. 367 00:16:46,715 --> 00:16:48,383 Jim, turn around. 368 00:16:48,925 --> 00:16:51,219 Jim, turn around. Jim, turn around. Jim. 369 00:16:51,303 --> 00:16:53,972 Oh! I love staring off in one direction. 370 00:16:54,055 --> 00:16:58,018 If I'm not looking south, I'm not living. That's what I always say. 371 00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:01,271 Just act natural. 372 00:17:09,613 --> 00:17:11,990 And I was thinking it's only fair 373 00:17:12,073 --> 00:17:13,342 that you help make this decision, 374 00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:16,828 since they'll be sitting at your desk next to your wife. 375 00:17:16,912 --> 00:17:18,952 But you know I wouldn't hire any of these all-stars. 376 00:17:20,582 --> 00:17:22,792 God, that sucks! 377 00:17:23,585 --> 00:17:25,587 What are you going to do? I mean, it's your call. 378 00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:28,548 No. Your friends not turning out to be as great as you thought? 379 00:17:28,632 --> 00:17:29,758 Not even Gabor? 380 00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:31,468 I guess I just have higher standards 381 00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:33,887 for my work colleagues than for my friends. 382 00:17:33,970 --> 00:17:36,932 I just couldn't picture any of them in the old gold and gray. 383 00:17:37,015 --> 00:17:39,851 I knew it. You designed a uniform for dunder Mifflin. 384 00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:44,147 Summer. Winter. Jungle. 385 00:17:45,607 --> 00:17:46,900 Formal. 386 00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:50,237 Well, I, for one, was amazed at how qualified everyone was. 387 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:52,239 You? Amazed. Yes. Thank you. Yes. 388 00:17:52,322 --> 00:17:54,241 And I got to say, this was a tough decision, 389 00:17:54,324 --> 00:17:57,202 and we had to go with none of you. 390 00:17:58,078 --> 00:17:59,329 I'm sorry? What? 391 00:18:00,121 --> 00:18:02,832 This is such bull crap! 392 00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:05,543 Well, you know, Wallace put me in charge. So you have no say. 393 00:18:05,794 --> 00:18:10,048 Wow. So much crap. It's just a load of bc! 394 00:18:10,507 --> 00:18:12,384 How could you do this to them? 395 00:18:12,467 --> 00:18:13,927 Too much now. Okay. 396 00:18:14,010 --> 00:18:16,888 Do we get our resumes back? Or do you keep them? 397 00:18:16,972 --> 00:18:18,431 Because I only have the one, 398 00:18:18,515 --> 00:18:22,602 and I have a chili recipe on the back that I really want to keep. 399 00:18:22,727 --> 00:18:24,813 Okay, this is an outrage. 400 00:18:24,896 --> 00:18:25,897 Oh! 401 00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:28,441 You know what? This is Jim Halpert's home address 402 00:18:28,525 --> 00:18:30,986 in case you guys want to toilet paper his house or whatever. 403 00:18:31,069 --> 00:18:32,821 That seems inconsiderate. 404 00:18:33,113 --> 00:18:35,448 No. We get it. 405 00:18:35,532 --> 00:18:37,951 Thanks so much for the opportunity, Dwight. 406 00:18:38,159 --> 00:18:40,954 Don't open any suspicious packages you may receive. 407 00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:44,207 No wait, do open them. Totally safe. 408 00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:47,711 Guys! It wasn't up to me. Rolf, come on! 409 00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:51,006 Guys, it wasn't my choice. I would have hired all of you! 410 00:18:51,089 --> 00:18:52,632 Gabor? Gabor? 411 00:18:52,716 --> 00:18:54,217 Well, my day's shot. 412 00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:56,696 Yeah. It's that weird hour where it's too late to start a slow roast, 413 00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:57,929 and too early for a Swanson's. 414 00:18:58,054 --> 00:19:00,056 I got it. Paintball! 415 00:19:00,181 --> 00:19:02,434 Oh, that sounds awesome. Can we wait till I get off work? 416 00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:04,728 And what are we supposed to do until then? 417 00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:06,521 Okay. Wolf: Let's just go, you guys. 418 00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:08,364 Rolf: Yeah, no limit on weapons class, right? 419 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,657 All right. I think that went well. 420 00:19:21,328 --> 00:19:23,163 So, wyoujust takealookatflus_ yeah. 421 00:19:23,246 --> 00:19:24,247 That'll print the... 422 00:19:24,372 --> 00:19:26,291 Hey, hey, meet your new desk mate. 423 00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:27,667 What's up, good-looking? 424 00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:29,586 Oh, cool. Hey, Clark. 425 00:19:29,919 --> 00:19:31,921 Trust me, this is the least of all the evils. 426 00:19:32,339 --> 00:19:33,733 It took me all day to pull this off. 427 00:19:33,757 --> 00:19:35,425 So you should be thrilled, considering... 428 00:19:35,717 --> 00:19:37,218 Yeah, I guess. 429 00:19:37,302 --> 00:19:39,971 I mean, I kind of liked my old desk mate. 430 00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:41,431 Okay. 431 00:19:42,015 --> 00:19:43,433 I'm really sorry, I told the guys 432 00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:45,060 I'd be there for the board meeting. 433 00:19:45,143 --> 00:19:46,143 Of course. 434 00:19:46,227 --> 00:19:48,021 I'll call you when I get there. All right. 435 00:19:48,104 --> 00:19:49,189 All right. 436 00:19:49,272 --> 00:19:50,712 Take care of my wife. I will be back. 437 00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:01,910 They say that everyone outgrows 438 00:20:01,993 --> 00:20:03,870 their friends at some point in their lives. 439 00:20:03,953 --> 00:20:07,957 Well, I just outgrew them all in the span of three hours. 440 00:20:09,334 --> 00:20:11,454 Hey, Pam, I'm going to the kitchen, you want anything? 441 00:20:11,586 --> 00:20:12,712 I'm good. 442 00:20:12,796 --> 00:20:14,130 Oh, hey, I'll take a coffee. 443 00:20:14,297 --> 00:20:17,634 Oh, I'm sorry. You got to be this cool for coffee. 444 00:20:27,602 --> 00:20:29,145 Hey, Dwight. 445 00:20:29,229 --> 00:20:30,480 Want to haze the new guy? 446 00:20:31,648 --> 00:20:32,690 Who? Me? 447 00:20:35,485 --> 00:20:36,986 Absolutely I do. 448 00:20:37,904 --> 00:20:41,574 Okay, okay, here. 449 00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:45,120 So the next time he goes to the bathroom, 450 00:20:45,203 --> 00:20:46,830 I'll distract him, you take that. 451 00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:48,248 Okay. Yeah. I know what to do. 452 00:20:48,331 --> 00:20:49,332 Okay. 453 00:20:49,416 --> 00:20:50,518 Oh, that's great! 454 00:20:58,842 --> 00:21:00,427 Welcome to the club, pig! 455 00:21:01,261 --> 00:21:02,637 No! Dwight! 456 00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:08,685 No, it does matter who ends up sitting next to Pam when I'm gone. 457 00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:10,311 The people around you are basically 458 00:21:10,395 --> 00:21:12,355 who you end up spending your life with. 459 00:21:12,522 --> 00:21:14,357 I mean, because of where my desk was, 460 00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:17,569 I spent all those years looking at Pam, and I fell in love. 461 00:21:17,652 --> 00:21:20,071 So, that stuff matters. 462 00:21:20,155 --> 00:21:22,031 It definitely does.