1 00:00:11,596 --> 00:00:15,266 The tea in Nepal is very hot. 2 00:00:16,893 --> 00:00:21,772 "But the coffee in Peru is much hotter." 3 00:00:24,775 --> 00:00:26,569 Dwight: Last week, I finally became permanent 4 00:00:26,694 --> 00:00:28,446 manager of dunder Mifflin, Scranton! 5 00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:31,199 My first project, increase security. 6 00:00:31,282 --> 00:00:32,783 I got these doors from a jewelry store 7 00:00:32,867 --> 00:00:34,387 that had recently gone out of business. 8 00:00:34,452 --> 00:00:38,206 Now they're protecting america's real treasure, papefl 9 00:00:38,289 --> 00:00:41,417 every morning, I e-mail the day's security codes. 10 00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:43,211 Something that's been really missing 11 00:00:43,336 --> 00:00:45,046 from my life has been writing secret codes. 12 00:00:45,129 --> 00:00:48,174 It's not the kgb, but it's a start. 13 00:00:50,968 --> 00:00:53,512 The tea in Nepal is very hot. 14 00:00:53,596 --> 00:00:55,556 But the coffee in Peru is far hotter. 15 00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:57,099 Close. 16 00:00:58,100 --> 00:01:00,061 This is Tuesday, right? 17 00:01:00,144 --> 00:01:02,563 The coffee in Paraguay is far hotter? 18 00:01:02,647 --> 00:01:03,898 Colder. 19 00:01:04,023 --> 00:01:05,316 The coffee in Paraguay is colder? 20 00:01:05,441 --> 00:01:07,151 No, imeantyou were getting colder. 21 00:01:07,235 --> 00:01:11,364 The correct response is, "the coffee in Peru is much hotter." 22 00:01:11,447 --> 00:01:12,865 Ah. "Much," okay. 23 00:01:12,949 --> 00:01:15,269 But that's three wrongs, so I've got to give you the steam. 24 00:01:15,326 --> 00:01:17,245 Unless you want me to break protocol. 25 00:01:23,292 --> 00:01:25,753 No, no. Give me the steam. 26 00:01:31,467 --> 00:01:34,011 Dwight: It's just harmless steam to panic intruders. 27 00:01:34,095 --> 00:01:37,139 I 'd like to get harmful steam, but the prices are absurd. 28 00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:39,558 Break protocol! 29 00:01:39,642 --> 00:01:41,602 Break protocol! 30 00:01:41,686 --> 00:01:42,979 Break protocol! 31 00:01:43,312 --> 00:01:45,564 Oh, I'm saving a fortune on dry-cleaning. 32 00:02:18,723 --> 00:02:20,057 Phillip: Mama. 33 00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:21,475 Angela, someone wants you. 34 00:02:21,559 --> 00:02:23,269 Okay. Coming. 35 00:02:26,439 --> 00:02:27,481 Hi, baby. 36 00:02:27,565 --> 00:02:29,525 Oscar: Angela's divorce from the senator 37 00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:31,569 has been very difficult for her. 38 00:02:31,694 --> 00:02:33,863 When she got kicked out of her apartment, 39 00:02:33,988 --> 00:02:36,157 I invited her to move in with me. 40 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:39,702 Ironic that now it's Angela who's living in the closet. 41 00:02:39,785 --> 00:02:41,078 Hey-o! 42 00:02:42,121 --> 00:02:43,873 Saddle shoes with denim? 43 00:02:44,749 --> 00:02:47,168 I will, literally, call child protective services. 44 00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:56,135 Go get 'em, honey. 45 00:02:56,218 --> 00:02:58,429 Don't worry. They'll get got. 46 00:02:59,305 --> 00:03:01,057 Dwight: Manager of dunder Mifflin? Check. 47 00:03:01,140 --> 00:03:03,684 Owner of a 1, 600 acre beet farm? Check. 48 00:03:03,768 --> 00:03:07,813 Engaged to be married to an actual milk maid? Check... 49 00:03:09,023 --> 00:03:10,733 On that later today. 50 00:03:10,816 --> 00:03:13,861 This is my grandmother's ring. 51 00:03:15,112 --> 00:03:17,448 It was made from a bullet I took out of her left buttock. 52 00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:20,034 She was a moonshiner shot by Adolph coors. 53 00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:23,245 This is my grandmother's buttock bullet ring. 54 00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:26,207 Hi. Good morning. 55 00:03:26,290 --> 00:03:28,292 Name is Andrew Bernard. 56 00:03:28,793 --> 00:03:32,671 You might know me from a TV documentary that's premiering tonight. 57 00:03:32,755 --> 00:03:35,132 Also killed it in local theater 58 00:03:35,216 --> 00:03:38,844 and I'm fresh off of a hot industrial flick. 59 00:03:38,928 --> 00:03:40,262 Okay. Thanks. 60 00:03:40,346 --> 00:03:41,946 Go ahead and get in the back of the line. 61 00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:43,516 Yes! 62 00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:52,066 Andy: Well, lburned all my Bridges at dunder Mifflin, 63 00:03:52,149 --> 00:03:54,402 and time to become the next American idol 64 00:03:54,485 --> 00:03:57,905 by winning america's next a cappella sensation 65 00:03:57,988 --> 00:03:59,865 on channel tbd! 66 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,214 It's a really cool show. It's like a total 67 00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:03,763 reinvention of the whole American idol, 68 00:04:03,828 --> 00:04:06,080 voice, sing-off phenomenon. 69 00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:08,958 On this show all three judges are mean! 70 00:04:11,669 --> 00:04:13,629 Sales form for you to sign. 71 00:04:13,712 --> 00:04:15,047 You know what to do. 72 00:04:27,685 --> 00:04:28,894 Okay. 73 00:04:28,978 --> 00:04:30,563 Behind every great regional manager 74 00:04:30,688 --> 00:04:32,332 is a great assistant to the regional manager. 75 00:04:32,356 --> 00:04:33,667 And I have chosen one of the best. 76 00:04:33,691 --> 00:04:34,942 Aw. Thanks, man. 77 00:04:35,025 --> 00:04:36,665 Once upon a time, we were natural enemies. 78 00:04:36,694 --> 00:04:38,279 But we've overcome our differences, 79 00:04:38,362 --> 00:04:40,006 much like Germany and Italy, in world war... 80 00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,615 Nope. 81 00:04:41,699 --> 00:04:42,783 Good call. 82 00:04:42,867 --> 00:04:44,994 Together we run a no-nonsense office. 83 00:04:56,589 --> 00:04:58,775 Pre-conference room meeting with Dwight went really well. 84 00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:00,777 Oh! Bodes well for the post-conference room meeting. 85 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,803 All depends on the conference room meeting itself. 86 00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:06,640 Okay. 87 00:05:06,724 --> 00:05:08,017 Was that them again? 88 00:05:08,142 --> 00:05:09,393 Yeah. 89 00:05:09,477 --> 00:05:10,757 Maybe you should call them back. 90 00:05:11,604 --> 00:05:13,481 I will. 91 00:05:13,564 --> 00:05:15,191 I will. 92 00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:18,444 The guys at athlead are still bugging me 93 00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:20,488 about this three-month road show thing. 94 00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:23,324 Meeting athletes on their home turf, building relationships. 95 00:05:23,407 --> 00:05:27,411 Yeah, it sounds exciting. But I said no, and that's final. 96 00:05:28,496 --> 00:05:32,541 I almost lost Pam over this business. I'm not risking that again. 97 00:05:33,417 --> 00:05:35,085 When Jim decided to come back to 98 00:05:35,211 --> 00:05:36,837 Scranton full time, I was relieved 99 00:05:36,921 --> 00:05:40,090 but I also feel a little guilty. 100 00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:43,219 I mean, he's giving up this big thing for me. 101 00:05:43,928 --> 00:05:47,431 But he seems happy. He's certainly been goofing around a lot. 102 00:05:48,432 --> 00:05:50,267 I love goofy Jim. 103 00:05:50,351 --> 00:05:52,353 Welcome. He welcomes you. 104 00:05:52,436 --> 00:05:53,788 Dwight: Please take an agenda item. 105 00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:55,231 Your agenda-taking pleases him. 106 00:05:55,356 --> 00:05:56,732 Have a seat, Phyllis. 107 00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:57,942 Here we go. 108 00:05:58,025 --> 00:06:01,028 As you know, I like to begin each day with an inspirational quote. 109 00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:05,533 Some say, the only failure there is, is the failure to try. 110 00:06:05,616 --> 00:06:09,745 That is wrong. Failure of any kind is failure. 111 00:06:09,828 --> 00:06:10,871 Jim, overto you. 112 00:06:10,955 --> 00:06:13,666 Let's not get crazy and ruin our no-nonsense streak. 113 00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:17,044 All right? So, for instance, ifyou're expecting a fax today, 114 00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:20,923 please don't yell out, "Michael j. Fax, from fax to the future!" 115 00:06:21,006 --> 00:06:22,550 Okay? That's nonsense. 116 00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:24,510 Question. Yes, beautiful girl in the front? 117 00:06:25,261 --> 00:06:28,389 We are expecting a water delivery today at 10:00 am. 118 00:06:28,472 --> 00:06:30,391 What if as they're delivering the waterjugs 119 00:06:30,516 --> 00:06:32,476 someone screams out, "nicejugs!" 120 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,228 That's obviously nonsense. 121 00:06:34,311 --> 00:06:35,396 Nonsense. 122 00:06:35,479 --> 00:06:39,400 And what percentage of nonsense do we tolerate in this office? 123 00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:41,735 All: Zero percentage ofnonsense. 124 00:06:41,819 --> 00:06:42,820 Pam: Can't have nonsense. 125 00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:43,904 What is going on? 126 00:06:43,988 --> 00:06:45,573 Daycare won't take Phillip anymore. 127 00:06:47,157 --> 00:06:49,159 Apparently my station in life has descended 128 00:06:49,326 --> 00:06:51,370 to a depth even they won't forgive. 129 00:06:51,453 --> 00:06:53,080 So, hi. 130 00:06:53,706 --> 00:06:54,832 Oscar: Hi, buddy. 131 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:57,710 Okay, new agenda item, 132 00:06:57,793 --> 00:07:00,129 Phillip will bejoining us at the office today. 133 00:07:00,212 --> 00:07:01,338 Got to write that down. 134 00:07:01,422 --> 00:07:05,050 Okay, big day today, airing of the documentary. Who's excited? 135 00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:08,345 I'd better come out of this smelling like a Rose. 136 00:07:08,429 --> 00:07:11,265 I've been on my best behavior for nine years. 137 00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:14,977 If it wasn't for the cameras I would've done some truly vulgar crap. 138 00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:17,771 Over the course of this documentary, I've had three affairs. 139 00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:19,732 If you find my body in a ditch, 140 00:07:19,857 --> 00:07:21,775 let me save the police some trouble. 141 00:07:21,859 --> 00:07:23,611 My wife did it. 142 00:07:23,694 --> 00:07:26,947 I'm letting you all off half an hour early to view the documentary. 143 00:07:27,031 --> 00:07:28,511 So you can make it up to me by working 144 00:07:28,616 --> 00:07:30,075 an extra half an hour tomorrow, 145 00:07:30,159 --> 00:07:32,494 or a minute extra for the rest of the month. 146 00:07:32,578 --> 00:07:35,956 Ooh, announcement. Some of us whose televisions got broken 147 00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:38,167 during an all-you-can-eat-shrimp commercial 148 00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:40,419 will be watching tonight at poor Richard's. 149 00:07:40,502 --> 00:07:42,880 But note, all are welcome, 150 00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:46,258 not just those who saw an all-you-can-eat-shrimp commercial 151 00:07:46,342 --> 00:07:49,094 and charged their televisions. 152 00:07:49,178 --> 00:07:52,056 I can't believe the doc is finally going to air. 153 00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:55,976 When this thing started, I was still having sex with women. 154 00:07:56,060 --> 00:07:58,312 As was Kevin, I believe. 155 00:07:58,395 --> 00:08:00,314 This airs tonight? 156 00:08:00,397 --> 00:08:01,732 Oh, my god. 157 00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:05,152 If my parents see this, I am toast. 158 00:08:10,491 --> 00:08:12,159 This is really huge. 159 00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:14,602 This is like the march on Washington but for a singing show. 160 00:08:15,454 --> 00:08:17,057 Can you imagine if Martin Luther king were here 161 00:08:17,081 --> 00:08:19,291 and sang idreamed a dream from les miz? 162 00:08:19,375 --> 00:08:22,044 With that baritone? That would be historic. 163 00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:24,838 Whoo-hoo! Casey Dean! Cincinnati, Ohio! 164 00:08:24,922 --> 00:08:27,132 Doctor, doctor give me the news 165 00:08:27,216 --> 00:08:30,010 I got a great Casey Dean for you 166 00:08:30,094 --> 00:08:31,178 whoa. No. America! 167 00:08:31,261 --> 00:08:34,848 No, this is my time. You don't belt on my time, I belt on my time. 168 00:08:34,932 --> 00:08:37,142 Casey Dean 169 00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:41,271 Casey Dean 170 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:46,193 yeah. Man, those are some nice pipes. 171 00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:47,611 What's your name? 172 00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:49,863 Andy. 173 00:08:49,947 --> 00:08:51,490 What's yours? 174 00:08:52,491 --> 00:08:54,243 Why didn't you pack the apple snacks? 175 00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:56,120 Why didn't you pack the apple snacks? 176 00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,329 Kevin: Guys. 177 00:08:57,454 --> 00:08:58,640 Because whenever I pack the bag 178 00:08:58,664 --> 00:09:00,040 you say I do it wrong. 179 00:09:00,124 --> 00:09:01,583 Guys. Guys. Why don't you pack it? 180 00:09:01,667 --> 00:09:02,894 Kevin, what? Kevin, what is it? 181 00:09:02,918 --> 00:09:05,295 Do you want to see a video of a weatherman 182 00:09:05,379 --> 00:09:08,465 who says "bold front" instead of "cold front"? 183 00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:09,883 Ifsinsane! 184 00:09:09,967 --> 00:09:12,261 Not now, Kevin. Can't you see we're busy? 185 00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:14,221 Phillip needs his apple snacks! 186 00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:15,514 Seriously, Kevin. 187 00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:16,950 I'm just going to have to go to the store. 188 00:09:16,974 --> 00:09:18,284 Angela: Okay, you go to the store. 189 00:09:18,308 --> 00:09:22,730 Phillip. Phillip. Phillip. It's all about Phillip. 190 00:09:22,813 --> 00:09:25,357 I hate Phillip. 191 00:09:27,860 --> 00:09:29,403 Not now! Private time. 192 00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:31,405 I love star wars as much as the next guy... 193 00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,490 Hey, hey! Seriously? 194 00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:38,495 My god. I'm so sorry. 195 00:09:39,830 --> 00:09:41,290 Well, this might make up for it. 196 00:09:41,373 --> 00:09:45,210 I think I have found an enormous source of overlooked pfn. 197 00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:47,504 Which is, of course... 198 00:09:47,671 --> 00:09:48,922 Potential future nonsense. 199 00:09:49,006 --> 00:09:51,925 Yes. Good abbreviating, Jim. That saved some time. 200 00:09:52,009 --> 00:09:53,135 Now hurry up, shut the door! 201 00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:56,346 Break it down for me. 202 00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:58,682 I'm going to need you to look at your hierarchy mobile. 203 00:09:59,683 --> 00:10:00,827 You've got a regional manager. 204 00:10:00,851 --> 00:10:01,935 The power source. 205 00:10:02,019 --> 00:10:04,271 Obviously. The assistant to the regional manager. 206 00:10:04,354 --> 00:10:05,898 The loyal but bungling apostle. 207 00:10:05,981 --> 00:10:09,985 But what about the assistant assistant to the regional manager? 208 00:10:14,448 --> 00:10:17,201 Someone to whisper in the ear of the consigliere. 209 00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:18,285 Exactly. 210 00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:21,288 I'd have to get some more wire and string. 211 00:10:21,371 --> 00:10:22,581 But it's doable. 212 00:10:22,664 --> 00:10:24,792 Do you think any of them out there are capable? 213 00:10:24,875 --> 00:10:26,001 Yeah, right. 214 00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:28,086 I mean, unless they're willing to pass some tests. 215 00:10:28,170 --> 00:10:30,130 I like the sound of that. 216 00:10:30,214 --> 00:10:31,298 What did you have in mind? 217 00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:32,841 Jim: Well, I know this sounds crazy, 218 00:10:32,925 --> 00:10:34,718 but how would king Arthur choose 219 00:10:34,843 --> 00:10:36,595 the next knight of his round table? 220 00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:41,558 That doesn't sound crazy, Jim. That's the sanest thing I've ever heard. 221 00:10:43,769 --> 00:10:45,062 What are you listening to? 222 00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:47,147 Hmm? I'm locking in my starting note. 223 00:10:47,231 --> 00:10:49,608 A 440 224 00:10:49,733 --> 00:10:51,401 oh, sweet. A cappella is all about pitch, 225 00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:54,488 and I am nothing if not a total pitch-bitch. 226 00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:57,574 What's up, everybody, and welcome to 227 00:10:57,741 --> 00:11:00,160 america's next a cappella sensation. 228 00:11:00,244 --> 00:11:02,412 Hi, Mark mcgrath! 229 00:11:02,496 --> 00:11:03,872 Oh, my god! 230 00:11:03,956 --> 00:11:05,082 You're gorgeous! 231 00:11:05,207 --> 00:11:06,351 Thank you. Thank you so much, 232 00:11:06,375 --> 00:11:08,561 and thank you for your Patience. And we hope to see you guys 233 00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:10,295 within the next five to seven hours. 234 00:11:10,379 --> 00:11:13,006 Now, just to give you a couple of parameters of the show, 235 00:11:13,090 --> 00:11:15,884 each of you will sing a song for 30 seconds, 236 00:11:15,968 --> 00:11:18,095 after which our judges will decide 237 00:11:18,262 --> 00:11:20,347 if they want you in their a cappella group. 238 00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:22,850 Now each group will start with 90 singers 239 00:11:22,933 --> 00:11:26,311 which will compete in a series of singing and physical challenges. 240 00:11:26,395 --> 00:11:27,521 Oh! 241 00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:29,356 And look out for that pesky mole! 242 00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:31,525 Ooh! There's a mole? 243 00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:34,194 Oops. I'm not supposed to... 244 00:11:34,278 --> 00:11:36,172 I'm not supposed to say that. All right, no mole. 245 00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,573 Forget I said it. All right? 246 00:11:37,656 --> 00:11:40,093 What mole? What are you talking about? I already forgot about it. 247 00:11:40,117 --> 00:11:41,201 Good man, right there. 248 00:11:41,285 --> 00:11:43,495 I'll see you guys inside. Good luck, all right? 249 00:11:43,579 --> 00:11:45,205 Yeah! 250 00:11:45,289 --> 00:11:47,916 Pour some sugar ray on me! 251 00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:49,936 On a roll much? I don't know where that came from. 252 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:51,169 That was amazing, man. Yeah. 253 00:11:51,253 --> 00:11:52,588 Yeah, it felt good. It felt funny. 254 00:11:52,671 --> 00:11:54,471 Yeah, you made a personal connection with him. 255 00:11:54,506 --> 00:11:55,841 I did! Ifelt it. Big time. 256 00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:58,594 What are you so excited about? 257 00:11:58,677 --> 00:11:59,720 Nothing. 258 00:11:59,845 --> 00:12:00,929 What are you up to? 259 00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:06,768 Members of the office, hearye! 260 00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:08,604 That means ye, plop. 261 00:12:09,271 --> 00:12:10,898 "Plop"? Still? 262 00:12:10,981 --> 00:12:12,691 We owe Andy that much. 263 00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:14,401 Yeah. Jim: Absolutely we do. 264 00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:15,861 Dwight: Am I right, people? 265 00:12:16,987 --> 00:12:18,155 Fine. 266 00:12:18,322 --> 00:12:19,591 Today we will be testing candidates 267 00:12:19,615 --> 00:12:23,368 for the position of assistant to the assistant to the regional manager. 268 00:12:23,452 --> 00:12:25,078 Oh, heck yeah! Nice. 269 00:12:25,162 --> 00:12:26,955 You'll always have the upper hand 270 00:12:27,039 --> 00:12:31,126 when you've got a good aarm. Trademark pending. 271 00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:33,045 This is not an excuse to blow off work 272 00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:35,047 doing carnival-like activities. 273 00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:37,591 Sure, every participant will be getting a corndog, 274 00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:40,093 but that's for fueling only. No savoring. 275 00:12:40,177 --> 00:12:42,429 Wow, what an honor. God, I envy them. 276 00:12:42,512 --> 00:12:44,014 He envies you. 277 00:12:44,139 --> 00:12:45,499 You don't need to repeat right now. 278 00:12:45,599 --> 00:12:46,683 All right. What I'm saying. 279 00:12:46,767 --> 00:12:49,311 By 2:00, Dwight will choose himself 280 00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:52,022 to be assistant to his own assistant, me. 281 00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:01,698 What's up? 282 00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:03,134 What's going on? How was the delivery? 283 00:13:03,158 --> 00:13:04,826 Delivered all my furniture to Philly. 284 00:13:04,910 --> 00:13:07,412 Hey, keep it down though. Nobody knows I'm here. 285 00:13:07,913 --> 00:13:09,623 Darryl: I hate goodbyes. 286 00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:12,292 So last week, when I left dunder Mifflin for good, 287 00:13:12,376 --> 00:13:14,044 I pulled the old Irish exit. 288 00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,088 Just slipped out without making a big deal. 289 00:13:16,171 --> 00:13:19,049 No hard feelings. No feelings at all. 290 00:13:21,677 --> 00:13:24,221 A good assistant knows what their superior 291 00:13:24,346 --> 00:13:26,181 is thinking before they even think it. 292 00:13:26,264 --> 00:13:28,225 Meredith, what number am I thinking of right now? 293 00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:30,352 Uh... two? 294 00:13:30,435 --> 00:13:32,980 Nine-hundred-eighty-five trillion seventeen. 295 00:13:33,063 --> 00:13:35,190 Not even close, Meredith. Come on! 296 00:13:35,273 --> 00:13:37,776 Pam, what song is running through my head right now? 297 00:13:37,859 --> 00:13:39,861 Theme song from saved by the bell. 298 00:13:39,945 --> 00:13:42,155 Oh, my god! It was the theme song to boy meets world. 299 00:13:42,239 --> 00:13:43,281 Wait! No, no, no, stop. 300 00:13:43,365 --> 00:13:44,783 Spouses can read each other's minds. 301 00:13:44,908 --> 00:13:46,508 You're trying to give your wife this job. 302 00:13:47,202 --> 00:13:48,578 That's exactly what I was doing. 303 00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:51,248 Plop, what animal am I picturing? 304 00:13:51,373 --> 00:13:52,416 A horse? 305 00:13:52,708 --> 00:13:54,042 Ooh. Exact opposite, actually. 306 00:13:54,126 --> 00:13:55,502 What's the opposite of a horse? 307 00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:56,586 A sea horse. 308 00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:57,713 A sea horse! 309 00:13:58,422 --> 00:13:59,548 Whoa. 310 00:13:59,965 --> 00:14:01,591 How did you know I was going to say that? 311 00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:03,385 Say that. 312 00:14:04,553 --> 00:14:06,138 Uncanny uncanny 313 00:14:08,265 --> 00:14:10,851 yeah. Challenge number two. Protocol. Clark? 314 00:14:10,934 --> 00:14:12,477 Do you want a corndog? 315 00:14:12,561 --> 00:14:13,645 I would love a corndog. 316 00:14:13,729 --> 00:14:15,439 We'll see. You are an assistant 317 00:14:15,605 --> 00:14:17,315 who's just gotten a phone message. 318 00:14:17,399 --> 00:14:19,818 I am in a meeting with Dwight, Robert dunder 319 00:14:19,943 --> 00:14:22,404 and his niece. Uh-oh! Look who came to join us. 320 00:14:22,487 --> 00:14:24,406 The Turkish ambassador to Armenia, 321 00:14:24,489 --> 00:14:26,092 Yuri slovak, who, by the way, is extremely 322 00:14:26,116 --> 00:14:27,659 embarrassed about the size of his nose. 323 00:14:28,243 --> 00:14:30,537 Go ahead and read that phone message. 324 00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:32,497 Mr. Halpert, your wife called to find out how 325 00:14:32,622 --> 00:14:34,541 your meeting with Yuri big nose went. 326 00:14:34,624 --> 00:14:37,919 No, no, no. You don't read it aloud like that. 327 00:14:38,003 --> 00:14:40,422 God! Besides, the whole thing is a trick question. 328 00:14:40,505 --> 00:14:42,799 There's no Turkish ambassador to Armenia, 329 00:14:42,883 --> 00:14:45,886 the two countries don't have diplomatic relations. 330 00:14:47,512 --> 00:14:48,764 Uncanny. 331 00:14:49,931 --> 00:14:53,310 I just hope if my buddies who are still in Afghanistan see me win, 332 00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,353 they'll feel like anything is possible. 333 00:14:55,437 --> 00:14:58,148 Great, more screen time for the war vet. 334 00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:00,285 All you got to do is risk your life for this 335 00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:02,069 country and everyone goes ga-ga for you. 336 00:15:02,152 --> 00:15:03,236 Over at the porta potties, 337 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:06,031 they were interviewing a homeless single mother with three kids. 338 00:15:06,114 --> 00:15:08,075 What? Yeah. 339 00:15:08,158 --> 00:15:12,829 Is this a show about the resiliency of the human spirit, 340 00:15:12,913 --> 00:15:14,956 or is it a show about singing? 341 00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:16,768 I don't know, but I'm getting really worried here. 342 00:15:16,792 --> 00:15:17,918 Me, too. 343 00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:20,545 Hold my place in line. 344 00:15:20,629 --> 00:15:22,380 Where are you going? 345 00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:24,466 They want feel-good stories? 346 00:15:25,926 --> 00:15:27,594 Wait till they get a good feel of me. 347 00:15:29,471 --> 00:15:31,098 Thanks, man. Thank you. 348 00:15:31,181 --> 00:15:32,349 Man, take care. 349 00:15:32,974 --> 00:15:34,101 Darryl! Hey! 350 00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:35,519 Hey. 351 00:15:35,644 --> 00:15:37,270 Cool, are you coming back to say hi? 352 00:15:37,354 --> 00:15:39,773 No, no. I'm not here, actually. 353 00:15:39,856 --> 00:15:41,525 These donuts are part of my escape 354 00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,753 from the guys at the warehouse I didn't say goodbye to. 355 00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:45,695 A-ha! How's athlead? 356 00:15:45,779 --> 00:15:46,881 We're living like rock stars! 357 00:15:46,905 --> 00:15:48,907 I'm about to eat free steak with 358 00:15:49,032 --> 00:15:51,034 my sports heroes in 32 different cities! 359 00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:52,994 Wow! Jim really doesn't want to come? 360 00:15:53,078 --> 00:15:54,538 He says he doesn't want to. 361 00:15:55,247 --> 00:15:57,165 Man, I hope he doesn't regret it. 362 00:15:58,125 --> 00:16:00,877 Well, he seems really happy being back here at dunder Mifflin. 363 00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:04,131 Jim is happy here, selling paper at dunder Mifflin? 364 00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:05,382 That's what he says. 365 00:16:06,091 --> 00:16:07,134 If you say so. 366 00:16:07,217 --> 00:16:08,593 Hey, good seeing you, 367 00:16:08,677 --> 00:16:10,387 and remember, I was never here. 368 00:16:11,221 --> 00:16:12,889 All right, man. 369 00:16:13,557 --> 00:16:16,768 An assistant brings their boss coffee with speed and dexterity, 370 00:16:16,852 --> 00:16:20,397 but an assistant to the assistant has 1,000 times more to prove. 371 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:21,940 A thousand times more. 372 00:16:22,023 --> 00:16:23,692 I'll try this one. Phyllis. 373 00:16:23,775 --> 00:16:25,527 Grab both these coffees, double-fist it, 374 00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:27,362 and head through this obstacle course. 375 00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:28,655 Okay. Ooh, it's hot. 376 00:16:28,780 --> 00:16:30,031 Yeah, it's real. 377 00:16:31,449 --> 00:16:32,993 It's the only way you'll learn. Okay. 378 00:16:33,076 --> 00:16:34,578 And go ahead. 379 00:16:36,872 --> 00:16:38,957 Oh, god, nice. 380 00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:40,935 She's through the green, everybody. Here comes yellow. 381 00:16:40,959 --> 00:16:42,502 Oh, no, no, no. A real doozie. 382 00:16:42,586 --> 00:16:43,670 Phyms? Seflousw? 383 00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:44,753 Careful. 384 00:16:44,796 --> 00:16:45,839 Look at that form! 385 00:16:45,922 --> 00:16:46,962 Oh, god, this is pathetic. 386 00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:48,884 The boss needs his coffee! 387 00:16:48,967 --> 00:16:50,343 Wow. 388 00:16:55,599 --> 00:16:57,267 Here you are, sir! Here's your coffee. 389 00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:58,518 Ow! My skin! 390 00:16:58,602 --> 00:17:00,020 Ow! Ow! Oh! 391 00:17:00,103 --> 00:17:01,229 It burns! Ow! 392 00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:05,275 Uncanny. 393 00:17:08,445 --> 00:17:10,280 Darryl? Darryl! 394 00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:15,285 Whoa! Oh, hey. Hey! What's up, y'all? 395 00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:17,287 You left us without saying goodbye! 396 00:17:17,454 --> 00:17:20,790 Oh. My bad. Goodbye, everybody. 397 00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:21,875 Hey, no way! 398 00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:22,958 That is totally uncool. 399 00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:24,419 Are you kidding? 400 00:17:24,502 --> 00:17:26,046 You broke our hearts! 401 00:17:26,129 --> 00:17:27,172 Get upstairs. 402 00:17:27,255 --> 00:17:28,255 I don't think I should. 403 00:17:28,298 --> 00:17:30,217 Get upstairs, mister! Yeah! 404 00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:31,593 Right now! 405 00:17:31,676 --> 00:17:33,261 Guess I'm going upstairs. 406 00:17:33,345 --> 00:17:36,056 You know, Dwight, this whole search for the assistant thing, 407 00:17:36,139 --> 00:17:37,408 None of these people are good enough. 408 00:17:37,432 --> 00:17:38,558 I know. 409 00:17:38,642 --> 00:17:41,228 What I'm about to say makes no logical sense, 410 00:17:41,311 --> 00:17:44,397 and yet it might be the most logical thing I've ever said. 411 00:17:44,481 --> 00:17:46,316 Jim, this is going to come as no surprise, 412 00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:48,235 but I know exactly what you are going to say. 413 00:17:48,318 --> 00:17:51,321 The only possible assistant to my assistant... 414 00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:53,949 Me. 415 00:17:54,866 --> 00:18:00,705 The new assistant to the assistant to the regional manager is 416 00:18:01,623 --> 00:18:03,250 Dwight k. Schrute! Yes! 417 00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:04,793 Erin: Yes. 418 00:18:05,252 --> 00:18:06,920 Dwight: Thank you. 419 00:18:07,045 --> 00:18:08,773 Jim: I think you might want to kneel forthis. 420 00:18:08,797 --> 00:18:12,384 And yet, the manager of dunder Mifflin kneels for no man. 421 00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:17,764 That's it. Okay. 422 00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:19,266 Jim: You look really, really good. 423 00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:33,238 Okay, from now on, anyone who needs to speak to me, 424 00:18:33,321 --> 00:18:36,032 has got to go through me first. All right? 425 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:45,959 You all right? Hey. 426 00:18:48,169 --> 00:18:49,713 What's going on? 427 00:18:50,588 --> 00:18:51,840 Are you happy? 428 00:18:51,923 --> 00:18:53,633 Yes, I'm happy. 429 00:18:53,717 --> 00:18:56,469 No, I know that you're, hke, happy 430 00:18:56,553 --> 00:18:57,804 yeah. And you had fun today. 431 00:18:57,887 --> 00:19:00,765 And that was fun. But what about a year from now? 432 00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:02,809 What? What about five years from now? 433 00:19:02,892 --> 00:19:03,935 Pam... 434 00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:05,204 Because I'm so glad you're back, baby, 435 00:19:05,228 --> 00:19:08,064 but I'm just... I was talking to Darryl, 436 00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:10,400 and he was talking about the trip, 437 00:19:10,525 --> 00:19:12,777 and I just feel like you're giving up so much. 438 00:19:12,861 --> 00:19:15,488 This was my decision, not yours. 439 00:19:15,572 --> 00:19:16,823 You didn't force me. 440 00:19:16,906 --> 00:19:18,050 I kind of forced you to do it. 441 00:19:18,074 --> 00:19:19,218 You did not force me to do this. 442 00:19:19,242 --> 00:19:20,886 Yes, I did. I don't know how else to tell you. 443 00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:22,221 I'm afraid you're going to resent me. 444 00:19:22,245 --> 00:19:24,015 I'm afraid that this isnotenoughforyou resent you? 445 00:19:24,039 --> 00:19:26,708 And I'm afraid that I'm not enough for you. 446 00:19:27,584 --> 00:19:28,793 Is that really what you think? 447 00:19:32,339 --> 00:19:36,801 Notenough? I don't know how else to explain it to her, so, 448 00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:40,263 you know what? I know it's against the rules, 449 00:19:40,430 --> 00:19:42,557 but I'm going to need a favor from you guys. 450 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:44,517 Camera operator: Okay. You got it, man. 451 00:19:50,732 --> 00:19:52,942 I didn't realize we were this close. 452 00:19:53,026 --> 00:19:55,820 We're all a little hormonal with the doc airing. 453 00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:58,448 Are you gonna come to poor Richard's and watch with us tonight? 454 00:20:00,325 --> 00:20:02,410 Yeah, depending on traffic. 455 00:20:02,494 --> 00:20:03,787 He ain't coming. 456 00:20:03,912 --> 00:20:05,288 Oh, god! 457 00:20:06,748 --> 00:20:09,751 These dudes are definitely in a weird mood. 458 00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:12,379 Picked the wrong day to return a truck. 459 00:20:12,462 --> 00:20:14,130 Well, it's been great. 460 00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:16,966 Eleven years. A guy is in your life for 11 years 461 00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:18,690 and then he's gone for who knows how long. 462 00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:20,220 Maybe forever. 463 00:20:20,303 --> 00:20:21,346 Anyhow... 464 00:20:21,429 --> 00:20:22,448 Did we ever have lunch together, 465 00:20:22,472 --> 00:20:24,891 just the two of us? 466 00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:26,768 You know what? I'm going to make 467 00:20:26,893 --> 00:20:28,728 reservations right now at cugino's. 468 00:20:28,812 --> 00:20:29,997 Meredith: Question for Darryl. 469 00:20:30,021 --> 00:20:32,565 Did we ever get loaded and listen to zeppelin in my Van? 470 00:20:32,857 --> 00:20:34,818 Oh. Oh, I'm sure we did. 471 00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:37,695 Nah, I call one hour Van time with Darryl. 472 00:20:37,779 --> 00:20:40,532 Darryl, I would love to just record some of your stories, 473 00:20:40,615 --> 00:20:42,784 just let the tape roll for six or eight 474 00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:45,078 or 10 hours and just see what we get. 475 00:20:45,161 --> 00:20:46,913 Erin: Listen, guys, we can do it all. 476 00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:48,540 We just have to divide Darryl's 477 00:20:48,665 --> 00:20:50,208 next 12 hours into 90-minute segments. 478 00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:53,002 I will go watch an e-how video on how to use excel, 479 00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:54,462 and then we'll get this started. 480 00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:55,964 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute! 481 00:20:57,006 --> 00:21:01,052 Okay, I made the mistake of sneaking out of here, and that's on me. 482 00:21:01,136 --> 00:21:04,305 But I'm not going to spend the rest of the day here 483 00:21:04,389 --> 00:21:07,058 doing stuff with you 'cause you're feeling sentimental. 484 00:21:07,142 --> 00:21:08,768 You have to! 485 00:21:08,852 --> 00:21:12,355 Hey, hey, hey, hey! I'll do one thing with y'all. 486 00:21:12,439 --> 00:21:13,731 Which thing? 487 00:21:13,815 --> 00:21:16,215 I don't care. Choose amongst yourselves. Not the Van, though. 488 00:21:19,362 --> 00:21:20,905 Angela: Yeah, sleep time? 489 00:21:22,031 --> 00:21:23,616 Kevin. Kevin! 490 00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:25,493 Oh, you know my name. 491 00:21:25,577 --> 00:21:27,454 Well, that is shocking. 492 00:21:28,371 --> 00:21:30,457 Kevin, could you not do that? 493 00:21:30,540 --> 00:21:34,627 What? I'm moving the ink down in my pen, for work. 494 00:21:35,211 --> 00:21:36,421 Here, use my pen. 495 00:21:36,546 --> 00:21:38,840 Don't tell me what to do! 496 00:21:38,923 --> 00:21:42,260 I don't need this. And you obviously don't need me. 497 00:21:42,343 --> 00:21:44,179 Kevin, where are you going? Away! 498 00:21:44,929 --> 00:21:49,559 Tell Phillip that his stupid little baby wish came true! 499 00:21:52,854 --> 00:21:54,230 He just won't go down. 500 00:21:54,314 --> 00:21:56,566 It's as if he's excited by all this paper. 501 00:21:56,649 --> 00:22:01,321 I know. Earlier today he tried to eat some of the 24-weight letter bond. 502 00:22:01,404 --> 00:22:02,906 Dwight: Smart baby. 503 00:22:02,989 --> 00:22:05,116 That's the most flavorful bond. 504 00:22:12,081 --> 00:22:14,018 Hey, what's going on over here? 505 00:22:14,042 --> 00:22:16,586 Some sort of singing competition for the young'uns? 506 00:22:16,669 --> 00:22:17,837 You're back! 507 00:22:17,962 --> 00:22:19,231 No, it's me, Andy! 508 00:22:19,255 --> 00:22:20,507 No, I know! 509 00:22:20,632 --> 00:22:21,925 No, I'm wearing makeup! 510 00:22:22,008 --> 00:22:23,676 You did a really great job. 511 00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:25,029 Thank you. You even look shorter. 512 00:22:25,053 --> 00:22:27,889 Oh, I took out my lifts. Yeah, unlike Andy Bernard, 513 00:22:27,972 --> 00:22:29,557 this character is my real height. 514 00:22:31,100 --> 00:22:34,562 All daylong it's moo the cows and cluck the hens. 515 00:22:34,687 --> 00:22:37,774 Mmm-hmm. Get the sheep baa-ed. Oink the pigs. 516 00:22:37,857 --> 00:22:40,026 Oink the pigs. That is very important. 517 00:22:40,109 --> 00:22:42,362 Dwight, I'm telling you all the things ma 518 00:22:42,487 --> 00:22:44,697 said after the horse kicked her in the head. 519 00:22:44,781 --> 00:22:46,199 Where are you? 520 00:22:47,617 --> 00:22:48,868 Dwight? 521 00:22:48,952 --> 00:22:51,120 The way that boy looks at the Galactica, 522 00:22:51,287 --> 00:22:53,498 is precisely the way I look at the Galactica. 523 00:22:54,457 --> 00:22:56,793 And he eats the same kind of paper I do. 524 00:22:57,877 --> 00:22:59,087 Hmm. 525 00:23:06,803 --> 00:23:08,596 Thank you, Esther. Bye. 526 00:23:19,190 --> 00:23:21,442 You threw the summoning bag at me, sir? 527 00:23:21,526 --> 00:23:23,444 I need you to perform a test. 528 00:23:23,528 --> 00:23:25,029 Perform a test. 529 00:23:25,113 --> 00:23:26,364 On an innocent baby. 530 00:23:26,489 --> 00:23:28,658 Ooh. I like where this is going. 531 00:23:28,741 --> 00:23:30,469 Unfortunately, I have a lot on my plate today, 532 00:23:30,493 --> 00:23:32,429 so I'm going to have to hand this off to my number two. 533 00:23:32,453 --> 00:23:33,663 But don't worry. 534 00:23:34,038 --> 00:23:35,623 He's the best in the biz. 535 00:23:36,082 --> 00:23:37,292 Damn straight. 536 00:23:37,417 --> 00:23:38,686 Unless you think he can't handle it. 537 00:23:38,710 --> 00:23:40,169 Hey, he can handle it. 538 00:23:40,587 --> 00:23:41,588 All right. 539 00:23:46,676 --> 00:23:48,970 Listen, listen. Shh, buddy. 540 00:23:49,721 --> 00:23:51,201 Stanley is sleeping. You don't want to 541 00:23:51,306 --> 00:23:52,786 wake up the grumpy old walrus, do you? 542 00:23:52,849 --> 00:23:54,601 I heard that. 543 00:23:54,684 --> 00:23:56,019 Phillip: Mama. 544 00:23:56,519 --> 00:23:58,497 Hey, you want me to take the little diaper blaster? 545 00:23:58,521 --> 00:24:00,690 Pam can attest, there's no one better 546 00:24:00,857 --> 00:24:02,984 at getting brats to shut their yaps. 547 00:24:03,067 --> 00:24:04,360 He does have a gift. 548 00:24:04,444 --> 00:24:08,948 Well, he's crying for his mom, but, okay, here you go. Careful, he bites. 549 00:24:09,032 --> 00:24:10,491 Mama. Okay. 550 00:24:13,703 --> 00:24:16,247 You ever been in a manager's office before? 551 00:24:17,457 --> 00:24:19,042 Phillip, you want to play a little game? 552 00:24:19,125 --> 00:24:21,044 It's called schrute or consequences? 553 00:24:21,127 --> 00:24:23,254 You're going to choose one of these two things, 554 00:24:23,379 --> 00:24:26,090 a check for a million dollars 555 00:24:26,841 --> 00:24:30,178 or this dirty, old beet. 556 00:24:30,678 --> 00:24:32,555 Yuck! Phew! 557 00:24:33,056 --> 00:24:34,182 Which will it be, 558 00:24:36,017 --> 00:24:37,727 money or the beet? 559 00:24:39,228 --> 00:24:40,438 Beet. 560 00:24:41,314 --> 00:24:42,357 Yeah. 561 00:24:43,900 --> 00:24:45,818 Any ordinary child would have taken the money, 562 00:24:45,902 --> 00:24:49,155 but you're no ordinary child, are you? No. 563 00:24:49,238 --> 00:24:53,576 I can tell by your gorgeous, widely set eyes. 564 00:24:56,996 --> 00:24:58,790 Sorry, folks. The judges are totally swamped. 565 00:24:58,915 --> 00:25:00,750 We are all done taking auditions. 566 00:25:02,585 --> 00:25:03,670 Whoa, whoa! What? 567 00:25:03,753 --> 00:25:06,005 But thanks for coming out, and please be sure to watch 568 00:25:06,089 --> 00:25:07,674 america's next a cappella sensation. 569 00:25:07,757 --> 00:25:09,425 Whoa, whoa, whoa! You can't do that. 570 00:25:09,550 --> 00:25:11,190 You can't do that. We've all been waiting! 571 00:25:11,260 --> 00:25:12,887 Okay. I am going in there. 572 00:25:14,263 --> 00:25:15,348 Don't... don't touch me! 573 00:25:15,431 --> 00:25:16,599 I'm not touching you. 574 00:25:18,393 --> 00:25:20,812 Look! Run, old man! Run! 575 00:25:20,895 --> 00:25:23,481 Run! Run for your life! 576 00:25:23,606 --> 00:25:25,358 Don't you dare. Dontget_ 577 00:25:25,441 --> 00:25:27,485 I just thought you were going to get handsy with me. 578 00:25:27,568 --> 00:25:30,363 Not interested. I'm Casey Dean. 579 00:25:30,446 --> 00:25:31,864 Be seeing the last of me. 580 00:25:31,948 --> 00:25:34,784 Or I meant you won't be seeing the last of me. 581 00:25:38,955 --> 00:25:40,331 Did you manage to feed him? 582 00:25:40,415 --> 00:25:42,851 I don't know what it is, he just keeps spitting out the nipple. 583 00:25:42,875 --> 00:25:45,461 That's because this baby is of superior intelligence 584 00:25:45,545 --> 00:25:47,338 and can tell when he is being tricked 585 00:25:47,463 --> 00:25:49,298 out of the experience of a real human breast. 586 00:25:49,382 --> 00:25:50,633 Come on. 587 00:25:50,758 --> 00:25:52,009 He's not that smart. 588 00:25:52,093 --> 00:25:54,637 He doesn't know where I hid his duck. 589 00:26:13,948 --> 00:26:16,659 You're still here! Oh, thank god. 590 00:26:16,743 --> 00:26:18,703 Clay aiken, santigold and Aaron Rodgers! 591 00:26:18,828 --> 00:26:20,788 You're like my three favorite people ever! 592 00:26:20,872 --> 00:26:22,749 Excuse me, what is this? 593 00:26:22,832 --> 00:26:24,250 Sweetheart, you're amazing, okay? 594 00:26:24,333 --> 00:26:25,933 You're obviously going to be on the show. 595 00:26:26,002 --> 00:26:27,962 So, it's someone else's turn now. 596 00:26:28,045 --> 00:26:29,380 Go ahead. All right? 597 00:26:30,882 --> 00:26:32,133 Um... 598 00:26:32,216 --> 00:26:34,761 My name is Ezra Cornell! 599 00:26:34,844 --> 00:26:38,765 And I'm just a kindly old fellow with a song in my heart. 600 00:26:38,848 --> 00:26:42,310 No, you're a middle-aged man with a lot of makeup on. 601 00:26:42,393 --> 00:26:44,145 Busted. 602 00:26:44,228 --> 00:26:47,440 Got it. Yes, all right, tried to get your attention with tricks, 603 00:26:47,523 --> 00:26:50,109 but you just want to hear me sing. I respect that. 604 00:26:50,193 --> 00:26:53,029 We do not want to hear you sing. 605 00:26:53,112 --> 00:26:54,947 Gabriella was our last audition. 606 00:26:55,031 --> 00:26:56,115 Thank you, goodbye. 607 00:26:56,199 --> 00:26:58,117 Nope! Can't end like this. 608 00:26:58,201 --> 00:27:02,038 Slept in my car last night, quit my job, burned all my Bridges! 609 00:27:02,121 --> 00:27:03,790 I went to the bathroom on my boss's car, 610 00:27:03,873 --> 00:27:06,793 and I did unspeakable things with Carla fern. 611 00:27:06,876 --> 00:27:08,127 Flag on the play. 612 00:27:08,211 --> 00:27:12,131 That's what... yeah. Okay, all right. Well, here's the song. 613 00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:25,853 What is this song? 614 00:27:25,978 --> 00:27:27,230 Are you insane? 615 00:27:27,313 --> 00:27:28,981 It's the Cornell fight song! 616 00:27:29,065 --> 00:27:31,818 Listen, all right, thank you very much. We're not interested. 617 00:27:31,901 --> 00:27:33,569 You didn't let me finish! That's not fair! 618 00:27:33,653 --> 00:27:35,321 Look, man, you're not terrible, butwe've 619 00:27:35,446 --> 00:27:37,114 heard a lot of really good singers today, 620 00:27:37,198 --> 00:27:38,467 and you're just not good enough. 621 00:27:38,491 --> 00:27:41,202 Wow, you guys are really mean. 622 00:27:41,285 --> 00:27:42,912 I guess that's the show. 623 00:27:42,995 --> 00:27:44,330 Let me try a different song, okay? 624 00:27:44,413 --> 00:27:45,498 Can he do this? 625 00:27:57,927 --> 00:27:59,095 Yeah. 626 00:28:02,765 --> 00:28:04,767 Look, you've got to go. 627 00:28:09,814 --> 00:28:11,440 You can't just sit here and cry. 628 00:28:11,524 --> 00:28:14,277 I can so just sit here and cry! 629 00:28:28,374 --> 00:28:29,792 Thank you. 630 00:28:32,420 --> 00:28:34,255 Hey, kev. How are you doing, buddy? 631 00:28:34,338 --> 00:28:35,756 I can't hear you. 632 00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:38,593 I'm giving you the silence treatment. 633 00:28:39,302 --> 00:28:41,470 How does it feel being ignored? 634 00:28:43,055 --> 00:28:46,058 Okay, I guess. It's just that Phillip got you something. 635 00:28:46,142 --> 00:28:49,687 Yeah, a $25 gift card, iTunes. 636 00:28:49,770 --> 00:28:51,397 I think there's, hke, $7lefl. 637 00:28:52,023 --> 00:28:53,983 It's just his way of saying, "thanks 638 00:28:54,150 --> 00:28:56,068 for letting me hang out in accounting." 639 00:28:56,152 --> 00:28:57,361 Phillip got this for me? 640 00:28:57,486 --> 00:28:58,738 Sure. 641 00:29:00,281 --> 00:29:01,699 That was a really cool move. 642 00:29:02,617 --> 00:29:04,118 Would you like to hold Phillip? 643 00:29:06,329 --> 00:29:08,456 Yeah, that's Kevin. 644 00:29:09,957 --> 00:29:11,208 Whoa. Oscar: Easy. 645 00:29:11,292 --> 00:29:12,793 What a chubbers. 646 00:29:14,754 --> 00:29:16,172 Whoa... okay, hey. 647 00:29:16,297 --> 00:29:17,715 I'm losing my balance. 648 00:29:17,798 --> 00:29:19,717 Okay, Kevin, no. No. No horseplay. 649 00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:20,843 Stop it. 650 00:29:20,968 --> 00:29:22,029 You want to play with the cactus? 651 00:29:22,053 --> 00:29:23,471 No! 652 00:29:23,554 --> 00:29:25,723 80 me and Phillip were just talking, 653 00:29:25,806 --> 00:29:29,769 and we decided we're going to be best friends. 654 00:29:30,561 --> 00:29:32,855 He's a little stand-offish at first. 655 00:29:32,980 --> 00:29:35,066 But once he starts buying you things, 656 00:29:35,191 --> 00:29:37,360 man, you can tell he likes you. 657 00:29:41,864 --> 00:29:43,115 We have our decision. 658 00:29:44,158 --> 00:29:45,660 You chose one thing. 659 00:29:46,577 --> 00:29:48,120 We want to dance with you. 660 00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:50,206 You want to dance? 661 00:29:50,289 --> 00:29:52,458 One dance, all of us together. 662 00:29:54,418 --> 00:29:55,628 This is what you want? 663 00:29:55,711 --> 00:29:57,213 Yeah. Absolutely. 664 00:29:59,423 --> 00:30:02,218 Better get some decent speakers up here then, 665 00:30:02,301 --> 00:30:03,570 'cause we're going to do this right. 666 00:30:03,594 --> 00:30:06,347 Yes! 667 00:30:09,809 --> 00:30:11,602 Hey, you wanted to see me? 668 00:30:11,686 --> 00:30:12,770 Door. Chair. 669 00:30:15,606 --> 00:30:16,857 It's about Phillip. 670 00:30:16,941 --> 00:30:18,502 I'm sorry he's here today, but I had this... 671 00:30:18,526 --> 00:30:19,986 Ibeheve 672 00:30:20,069 --> 00:30:22,613 that that boy may be a schrute, 673 00:30:22,697 --> 00:30:24,407 and if he is, 674 00:30:24,490 --> 00:30:27,660 that child needs to be accorded what is his, 675 00:30:27,743 --> 00:30:30,454 an enormous farm, an inheritance, 676 00:30:30,538 --> 00:30:34,083 and the right to be raised under rigorous schrute traditions. 677 00:30:35,459 --> 00:30:39,463 You will, of course, be compensated with a marriage proposal. 678 00:30:42,258 --> 00:30:43,801 How thoughtful. 679 00:30:43,884 --> 00:30:46,262 Then the two of you would move to my 1,600 acre estate, 680 00:30:46,345 --> 00:30:48,055 which let's face it, is a big step up 681 00:30:48,180 --> 00:30:49,932 from living in a gay man's closet. 682 00:30:50,933 --> 00:30:53,310 If he is your son 683 00:30:54,770 --> 00:30:56,147 that's a great plan. 684 00:30:57,606 --> 00:31:01,110 But he's not. He's not your son. 685 00:31:03,571 --> 00:31:04,697 Very well. 686 00:31:06,115 --> 00:31:07,491 Can I go back to my desk now? 687 00:31:07,616 --> 00:31:08,784 Yes. 688 00:31:20,713 --> 00:31:22,131 What's this? 689 00:31:22,214 --> 00:31:24,842 Well, I've been trying to tell you how I feel, 690 00:31:24,967 --> 00:31:27,636 and you wouldn't believe me, so, 691 00:31:29,388 --> 00:31:30,639 I needed a little help. 692 00:31:31,682 --> 00:31:34,727 Jim. I need my assistant to the regional manager. Code red. 693 00:31:34,810 --> 00:31:37,438 Okay, I don't have my pocket code chart on me right now, so... 694 00:31:37,813 --> 00:31:39,315 Now! 695 00:31:40,566 --> 00:31:43,152 I have an assistant now, who can help you with whatever you need. 696 00:31:43,235 --> 00:31:44,904 He is lazy, so crack the whip. 697 00:31:44,987 --> 00:31:47,782 Jim, I'm not kidding, I need you. 698 00:31:52,328 --> 00:31:53,746 Go ahead. 699 00:31:53,829 --> 00:31:55,039 Okay. Um... 700 00:31:56,207 --> 00:31:57,750 This is... 701 00:31:57,833 --> 00:31:59,543 I'll be right back. 702 00:32:04,215 --> 00:32:05,424 What have we got? 703 00:32:05,508 --> 00:32:08,094 I was thinking of proposing to Esther today. 704 00:32:08,177 --> 00:32:10,429 Wow! Okay, congratulations. 705 00:32:10,513 --> 00:32:11,713 That's a really big step, man. 706 00:32:11,806 --> 00:32:13,033 She's got a ton of great qualities. 707 00:32:13,057 --> 00:32:16,685 She's young, she's beautiful, genes so pure you could lick them. 708 00:32:17,686 --> 00:32:20,272 Her family admires me, and my family tolerates hers. 709 00:32:20,356 --> 00:32:22,900 A lot of them are the same people, because we're third cousins, 710 00:32:22,983 --> 00:32:25,778 which is great for bloodlines, and isn't technically incest. 711 00:32:25,861 --> 00:32:28,215 Right in the sweet spot. I think you're going to be really happy. 712 00:32:28,239 --> 00:32:30,950 Plus, her dowry contains a walk-in freezer 713 00:32:31,075 --> 00:32:33,786 full of frozen premium cattle sperm. 714 00:32:33,869 --> 00:32:35,538 That's a lot of pros. 715 00:32:35,663 --> 00:32:36,890 And did I mention that she weaves? 716 00:32:36,914 --> 00:32:39,625 Colorful, durable blankets and rugs! It all adds up. 717 00:32:39,708 --> 00:32:41,710 So what is the problem? 718 00:32:45,923 --> 00:32:47,591 Angela. 719 00:33:13,075 --> 00:33:15,411 I don't know what you want me to tell you, man. 720 00:33:17,663 --> 00:33:19,748 All I know is 721 00:33:19,874 --> 00:33:22,918 that every time I've been faced with a tough decision, 722 00:33:23,836 --> 00:33:28,215 there's only one thing that outweighs every other concern, 723 00:33:28,299 --> 00:33:30,759 one thing that will make you give up on 724 00:33:30,926 --> 00:33:33,387 everything you thought you knew. 725 00:33:33,470 --> 00:33:39,018 Every instinct, Every rational calculation. 726 00:33:39,101 --> 00:33:40,978 Some sort of virus? 727 00:33:41,061 --> 00:33:42,938 Love. 728 00:34:44,792 --> 00:34:46,210 I'm in love with you. 729 00:34:46,669 --> 00:34:47,836 What? 730 00:35:03,686 --> 00:35:06,063 Jim: Dwight, listen, no matter what happens... 731 00:35:08,565 --> 00:35:10,460 You've got to forget about all the other stuff. 732 00:35:10,484 --> 00:35:15,489 You've got to forget about logic and fear and doubt. 733 00:35:15,572 --> 00:35:18,075 You've just got to do everything you can 734 00:35:18,867 --> 00:35:22,246 to get to the one woman who's going to make all this worth it. 735 00:35:22,329 --> 00:35:23,998 At the end of the day, 736 00:35:25,416 --> 00:35:26,750 you've got to jump. 737 00:35:30,796 --> 00:35:32,298 You love Angela, Dwight. 738 00:35:35,134 --> 00:35:36,385 I think you always have. 739 00:35:41,348 --> 00:35:43,392 You're a good assistant, Jim. 740 00:35:43,475 --> 00:35:45,394 Not as good as you. 741 00:35:46,687 --> 00:35:48,314 That's very true. 742 00:35:50,190 --> 00:35:51,190 Get the hell out of here. 743 00:35:51,233 --> 00:35:52,359 You got it. 744 00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:56,447 I was just checking out my present. 745 00:35:57,573 --> 00:36:01,535 This is an amazing gift, because it comes with bonus gifts. 746 00:36:01,618 --> 00:36:03,162 Look inside. 747 00:36:08,250 --> 00:36:12,755 Oh, my god! The yearbook picture. 748 00:36:12,838 --> 00:36:14,340 Yes. Incredible. 749 00:36:14,423 --> 00:36:15,799 Is this the bottle timer? 750 00:36:15,924 --> 00:36:17,902 I didn't think you were going to get that one. I really didn't. 751 00:36:17,926 --> 00:36:20,137 Oh, no! This is like the best present ever. 752 00:36:20,220 --> 00:36:21,930 Well... okay, wait. 753 00:36:22,014 --> 00:36:23,349 What is this? 754 00:36:23,432 --> 00:36:25,642 The mini-golf pencil you threw at me. 755 00:36:25,726 --> 00:36:28,896 Like three years ago? You saved this? 756 00:36:30,272 --> 00:36:32,566 Oh, my god. 757 00:36:39,114 --> 00:36:40,908 You watched it. 758 00:36:40,991 --> 00:36:42,618 Yeah. 759 00:36:42,701 --> 00:36:45,371 Well, then I guess you're ready for this. 760 00:36:47,122 --> 00:36:48,332 What's that? 761 00:36:48,457 --> 00:36:49,750 It's from the teapot. 762 00:36:51,794 --> 00:36:55,506 Everything you'll ever need to know is in that note. 763 00:37:11,605 --> 00:37:13,565 Not enough for me? 764 00:37:13,649 --> 00:37:16,652 You are everything. 765 00:37:23,450 --> 00:37:25,077 Thank you. 766 00:37:28,497 --> 00:37:30,082 Okay, ready, everybody? 767 00:37:30,165 --> 00:37:31,208 Hit it, red! 768 00:38:49,161 --> 00:38:50,496 Darryl: I wanted to leave quietly. 769 00:38:50,579 --> 00:38:52,331 It seemed dignified. 770 00:38:52,414 --> 00:38:54,458 But having Kevin grind up on my front 771 00:38:54,583 --> 00:38:56,668 while Erin pretends to hump me from behind 772 00:38:56,752 --> 00:38:59,713 is a more accurate tribute to my years here. 773 00:39:01,215 --> 00:39:02,549 I'm going to miss these guys. 774 00:39:03,258 --> 00:39:04,510 Okay, I've got my... 775 00:39:04,593 --> 00:39:06,446 See you guys at poor Richard's, okay? All right, Meredith. 776 00:39:06,470 --> 00:39:07,471 All right. Okay, bye. 777 00:39:07,554 --> 00:39:08,656 See you there. Bye, Phillip. 778 00:39:08,680 --> 00:39:10,265 Listen, I... high five! 779 00:39:11,350 --> 00:39:12,935 Yeah. Yay! 780 00:39:13,018 --> 00:39:15,062 I am going to drop Phillip off at my mother's, 781 00:39:15,145 --> 00:39:16,956 and I'll meet you at poor Richard's in an hour. 782 00:39:16,980 --> 00:39:18,690 You sure you don't want me to drop him off? 783 00:39:18,774 --> 00:39:20,817 She doesn't know I'm living with a straight woman. 784 00:39:20,901 --> 00:39:22,086 I don't want to get her hopes up. 785 00:39:22,110 --> 00:39:23,320 All right. Okay? 786 00:39:23,403 --> 00:39:25,239 Bye, buddy! Bye, bye. 787 00:39:25,322 --> 00:39:27,115 Oh, my goodness! 788 00:39:34,122 --> 00:39:35,624 Pull over! 789 00:39:35,707 --> 00:39:37,084 Dwight! 790 00:39:37,167 --> 00:39:39,211 Move to the side of the road! 791 00:39:40,629 --> 00:39:41,797 Pull over! 792 00:39:41,922 --> 00:39:44,174 What are you... Dwight! 793 00:39:47,135 --> 00:39:49,972 Dwight! What the Is your problem? 794 00:39:50,055 --> 00:39:52,055 Silence, woman! Listen to me! Who drives like that? 795 00:39:52,099 --> 00:39:53,099 I love you. 796 00:39:53,141 --> 00:39:55,727 And I don't care that Phillip is not my son! 797 00:39:55,811 --> 00:39:57,980 I will raise 100 children 798 00:39:58,063 --> 00:40:01,066 with 100 of your lovers if it means I can be with you! 799 00:40:02,693 --> 00:40:04,069 Can you put that down? 800 00:40:04,152 --> 00:40:07,281 This expresses how loudly I love you! 801 00:40:07,364 --> 00:40:08,532 Ifstooloud. 802 00:40:14,997 --> 00:40:16,790 This is a ring 803 00:40:16,873 --> 00:40:19,376 taken from the buttocks of my grandmother, 804 00:40:19,459 --> 00:40:23,338 put there by the gangster patriarch of the coors dynasty, 805 00:40:23,422 --> 00:40:26,133 melted in a foundry run by mennonites. 806 00:40:26,216 --> 00:40:28,343 Okay. Yes. I will! 807 00:40:32,931 --> 00:40:34,182 I love you! 808 00:40:34,308 --> 00:40:35,517 I love you! 809 00:40:37,436 --> 00:40:38,478 And I lied to you. 810 00:40:38,604 --> 00:40:39,688 What? 811 00:40:40,147 --> 00:40:41,607 Phillip's your son. 812 00:40:41,690 --> 00:40:43,150 What? Why would you say that... 813 00:40:43,233 --> 00:40:45,611 I just needed you to want to marry me 814 00:40:45,736 --> 00:40:48,113 because you wanted to marry me. 815 00:40:49,948 --> 00:40:51,908 Get out! 816 00:40:51,992 --> 00:40:53,827 I'm a dad! You're a dad! 817 00:41:01,084 --> 00:41:02,586 Hey, grab a seat. 818 00:41:02,669 --> 00:41:05,339 We have that table and that table, but not that table, 819 00:41:05,422 --> 00:41:07,215 or that table, or that table. 820 00:41:07,299 --> 00:41:10,385 Floor's up for grabs. Meredith's been hogging the can. 821 00:41:12,220 --> 00:41:13,513 Oh! 822 00:41:16,099 --> 00:41:17,726 You have to change the channel to pbs. 823 00:41:17,809 --> 00:41:19,269 Yeah. College baseball's on. 824 00:41:19,353 --> 00:41:20,580 Well, there's a documentary coming up. 825 00:41:20,604 --> 00:41:21,831 Everyone in the bar will love it! 826 00:41:21,855 --> 00:41:23,023 What's it about? 827 00:41:23,148 --> 00:41:24,358 A paper company. Oh, ho, ho! 828 00:41:25,525 --> 00:41:26,711 How many people want the game? 829 00:41:26,735 --> 00:41:28,070 All: Yeah! 830 00:41:29,112 --> 00:41:30,280 Who wants pbs? 831 00:41:32,741 --> 00:41:35,243 Sorry. Tie means I do nothing. 832 00:41:35,327 --> 00:41:36,536 Sir, please! 833 00:41:36,912 --> 00:41:39,665 This show is about me and my attempts 834 00:41:39,790 --> 00:41:42,584 to find love in all the wrong places. 835 00:41:43,919 --> 00:41:45,253 One more for the doc! 836 00:41:48,340 --> 00:41:49,549 All right, Andy! 837 00:41:49,633 --> 00:41:51,259 All right. Yes. 838 00:41:52,469 --> 00:41:53,989 Hey, how was the singing show audition? 839 00:41:55,597 --> 00:41:57,683 Whatever. No big deal. 840 00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:01,103 Okay, 30 seconds to show time! 841 00:42:04,940 --> 00:42:06,292 I feel scared a little. I'm not ready for this! 842 00:42:06,316 --> 00:42:08,652 No one is ready for this! You can't be ready for this! 843 00:42:08,735 --> 00:42:10,112 We don't even know what this is! 844 00:42:10,195 --> 00:42:13,990 One thing we do know. Nothing will ever be the same. 845 00:42:14,074 --> 00:42:15,951 Here we go. 846 00:42:18,495 --> 00:42:21,665 Michael on TV: All right, Jim, your quarterlies look very good. 847 00:42:21,748 --> 00:42:23,208 How are things going at the library? 848 00:42:23,291 --> 00:42:25,186 Jim on TV: Oh, I told you. I couldn't close it, so... 849 00:42:25,210 --> 00:42:28,714 So you've come to the master for guidance? 850 00:42:28,797 --> 00:42:30,590 Is this what you're saying, grasshopper? 851 00:42:30,674 --> 00:42:32,884 Actually you called me in here. 852 00:42:32,968 --> 00:42:35,387 All right, well, let me show you how it's done.