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(theme music playing)
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♪ The Simpsons ♪
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(bell ringing)
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(whistle blowing)
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(beeping)
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(playing the blues)
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(playing out of tune)
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(tires screeching)
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D'oh!
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(screams)
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Excuse me. Pardon me. Excuse me.
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Hmm.
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Hey, Springfield, if you're driving,
you may want to sit down.
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{\an8}Uh-oh! Because it's time for Bill
and Marty's five o'clock's news flush!
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{\an8}(toilet flushing)
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{\an8}Our topless story...
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{\an8}President Clinton has launched
a new website.
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{\an8}Uh-oh. Wait, let me guess...
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{\an8}-W-w-w dot...
-(wolf whistle)
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{\an8}-...Dot...
-(bed spring springing)
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{\an8}(laughing)
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{\an8}(laughing) Website.
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{\an8}MARTY (over radio): OK,
here's another news flush.
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{\an8}(toilet flushing)
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{\an8}Doctors say the life expectancy
of the average man is now 76.2 years.
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{\an8}(gasps)
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{\an8}(tires screeching)
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{\an8}76.2?
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{\an8}But I'm already 38.1.
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{\an8}I've wasted half my life.
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{\an8}(man imitating muted trumpet) Oh, yeah.
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{\an8}Half my life gone and I'm only guaranteed
38 more years.
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{\an8}(horn blaring)
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{\an8}Marge, I've wasted half my life.
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{\an8}WOMAN: Sir, do you need a tow truck?
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{\an8}What are you talking about, Marge?
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{\an8}I don't need a-- (glass breaking)
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{\an8}OK, send the truck.
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{\an8}MARGE: Oh, honey, don't eat that.
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{\an8}Wouldn't you rather have your sugar bag?
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{\an8}No. I don't deserve sugar.
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{\an8}I'm halfway to my grave
and I haven't accomplished anything.
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Oh, I am not looking forward
to my funeral.
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NED: No, Homer wasn't a great man,
nor even an adequate man.
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And he certainly
never accomplished anything.
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Uh, President Lenny,
you have anything to say?
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Nah.
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All right. Fair enough.
Toss him in the hole, boys.
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There goes a real sack of crap.
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Indubitably, old chum.
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Oh...
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Marge, no matter what happens
in the future,
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promise me you won't vote for Lenny.
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{\an8}OK, but you've accomplished a lot.
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{\an8}You've made me very happy.
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{\an8}Oh, yeah, they'll put me
on a stamp for that.
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{\an8}(grumbles)
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{\an8}I've wasted half my life, Marge.
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You know how many memories I have?
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Three... standing in line for a movie.
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Having a key made and sitting here
talking to you.
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{\an8}Thirty-eight years and that's all I have
to show for it.
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{\an8}You're 39.
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{\an8}(screams)
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(whimpering)
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-Hi, Dad. How was work?
-Cold.
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Come on, let's get you
into your favorite shirt.
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ALL: Surprise!
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Oh. I see you're having a party.
I'll come back later.
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You can't come back later because...
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{\an8}ALL: Homer Simpson, welcome to your life!
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{\an8}...to your life!
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The kids and I want to show you
all the great things you've done.
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Oh, all right. Maybe I can pinpoint
where my life went wrong.
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Quiet, Dad, or we'll have to
throw you out of here.
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(gasps) The pictures,
they're coming alive!
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LISA: There you are in outer space.
That's pretty impressive.
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Uh... all we did was grow
some space tomatoes and sabotage Mir.
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(banging)
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(ranting in Russian)
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Remember when you almost became
heavyweight champ?
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(crowd cheering)
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(blows landing)
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No...
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Finish him! Finish him!
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Well, there's certainly
no greater accomplishment
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than fathering three beautiful children.
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Hike!
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(laughing)
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Oh, I should've punted.
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-Turn it off. Turn it off.
-Hang on, Dad...
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This next part will definitely
make you feel better about yourself.
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KITT: Hello, Homer. It's me,
KITT, from TV's Knight Rider.
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(excited gasping)
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Your family has asked me to take time out
from my busy schedule
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to invite you to a very special...
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(voice slows down and dies)
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(groaning)
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Stupid movies.
Who invented these dumb things, anyway?
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Was it you, Bart?
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It was Thomas Edison, Dad.
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I thought he invented the light bulb.
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That, too, he also invented
the phonograph,
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the microphone and the electric car.
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No one man can do all that.
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You're a liar, honey,
a dirty, rotten liar.
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Finish her! Finish her!
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It's true. I read it on a place mat
at a restaurant.
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Really? A restaurant?
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Well, now I don't know what to think.
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CHILDREN: Go! Go!
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ALL: Go! Go! Go!
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Top of the world, Ma!
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-HOMER: Cut it out, boy!
-(Bart groans)
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Dad, what are you doing here?
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{\an8}Reading about this Edison character.
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They won't let me
in the big people library downtown.
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There was some... unpleasantness.
I can never go back.
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Ooh, look at all the inventions
Edison came up with.
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The stock ticker...
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the storage battery...
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{\an8}even wax paper...
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And look at him dance.
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♪ Tu-tu-tu-tu-tu... ♪
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(laughing)
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That's great, Dad.
127
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And these Hardy Boys books
are great, too.
128
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This one's about smugglers.
129
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-They're all about smugglers.
-No, not this one--
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"The Smugglers of Pirate Cove."
It's about pirates.
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Excuse me, are you a student
at this school?
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I think it's pretty obvious that I am.
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Go, school!
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So... this broad stands up in the ocean
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and this big wave knocks
her bathing suit off.
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Oh, yeah? And then what happened?
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Omit no detail, however small or filthy.
138
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So, anyway, and this is the part
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you'll remember
for the rest of your lives--
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Yeah, yeah, yeah, great story, Lenny,
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but here's one
that's even more spellbinding.
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Once upon a time,
there was a man named Thomas Edison.
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And he invented the dictating machine
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and the fluoroscope,
and the repeating telegraph...
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And he was a firm believer in Fletcherism
and he played the organ
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and his favorite flower
was the heliotrope.
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Oh, and his middle name was Alva
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and he never ever,
ever wore pajamas, and--
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OK, I think we've been polite
long enough here.
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Lenny, what happened with the dame
in the bathing suit?
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Huh? Oh.
152
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Uh...
153
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Oh, nuts. I forgot.
154
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All I can think of now is Edison.
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I can't even remember where I work.
156
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Well, I remember where Edison worked.
It was Menlo park.
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That's where he came up
with the tasimeter,
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the ore separator and--
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-Uh, James Watt invented the steam engine.
-That's boring.
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You're boring everybody.
Quit boring everyone.
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And then he worked on a machine
to communicate with the dead.
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Some kind of scary telephone, I guess.
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Or maybe he planned to stick his head
under the ground and yell.
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All right, already! Everyone knows
the man accomplished a lot.
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Maybe because he didn't spend
every waking moment
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talking about Thomas Edison.
167
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Oh, that's where you're wrong, Marge.
168
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He was a shameless self-promoter.
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Well, you're not Thomas Edison.
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Marge, that's it!
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That's why I haven't done
anything with my life.
172
00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:05,067
I need to be more like Thomas Edison.
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Whatever.
174
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And I'm starting right now.
175
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No more lousy pajamas! (grunts)
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From this day forward, I am an inventor!
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Do us a favor. Invent yourself
some underpants.
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(whistling)
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Ah.
180
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Well, I quit my job just like you said to.
181
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I didn't tell you to quit your job.
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Yes, you did. I remember your exact words.
183
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You said I should quit my job
and become an inventor
184
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or you'd torch the house.
185
00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:45,316
That doesn't sound like me.
186
00:08:45,816 --> 00:08:47,985
Well, I suppose if this doesn't work out,
187
00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:49,779
you can always go back to the plant.
188
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(chuckling) Not the way I quit.
189
00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:54,909
Whoo-hoo.
190
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:11,676
At my age, Edison had already invented
203 things.
191
00:09:11,759 --> 00:09:14,929
Oh-ho, I've got a lot of work
to do to catch up to him.
192
00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:17,014
Let's see, now...
193
00:09:17,098 --> 00:09:21,310
-Inventions, inventions...
-(footsteps approaching)
194
00:09:25,189 --> 00:09:27,149
Something electrical might be good.
195
00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:30,111
Eh, eh, eh. Let me handle
the creative end of this, Marge.
196
00:09:30,194 --> 00:09:32,613
You don't understand
how the creative mind works
197
00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:34,490
-like I do.
-Oh?
198
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:38,661
You look at this table
and what do you see? Just a table.
199
00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:40,830
Now, a creative person like me
looks at this table
200
00:09:40,913 --> 00:09:44,709
and sees all kinds of creative things.
But no tables.
201
00:09:44,792 --> 00:09:46,210
Homer, that's not a table.
202
00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:47,420
That's our dryer.
203
00:09:47,503 --> 00:09:48,796
Aahh! My files!
204
00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:52,174
Hmm.
205
00:09:54,885 --> 00:09:56,262
This isn't working.
206
00:09:56,345 --> 00:09:58,389
I've got to try a different approach.
207
00:09:58,472 --> 00:10:00,099
Hmm...
208
00:10:00,182 --> 00:10:02,351
Hm? Hmm...
209
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:03,686
Hmmm?
210
00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:08,608
{\an8}(grunts)
211
00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:10,151
{\an8}(gasps)
212
00:10:10,234 --> 00:10:11,569
(groans)
213
00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:16,532
(coughing)
214
00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:18,868
(contented sigh)
215
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:22,997
You started smoking, Dad?
216
00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:26,584
Yes. Thomas Edison smoked
several cigars a day.
217
00:10:26,667 --> 00:10:28,252
{\an8}-Yeah, he invented stuff, too.
-Shut up.
218
00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:32,131
Whoa...
219
00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:36,594
As long as you're here annoying me,
let's have a brainstorming session.
220
00:10:36,677 --> 00:10:37,887
Now, here's how it works...
221
00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:40,973
Lisa, you say one thing,
then, Bart, you say another.
222
00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:43,517
Just toss out things,
and I'll use my inventive mind
223
00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:46,103
to combine them into a brilliant,
original idea.
224
00:10:46,187 --> 00:10:48,105
OK. Um...
225
00:10:48,522 --> 00:10:49,565
Automatic...
226
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,734
-Butt.
-OK.
227
00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:55,529
-Fluorescent...
-Booger.
228
00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:57,323
Uh-hmm.
229
00:10:57,406 --> 00:11:00,242
Wait a minute. These aren't exciting
new products.
230
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:02,453
You're not even trying. OK, that's it.
231
00:11:02,536 --> 00:11:04,705
Both of you go to your rooms
and spank yourselves.
232
00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:09,335
Lazy father.
233
00:11:09,418 --> 00:11:11,462
Can't even spank his own kids.
234
00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:14,757
Homer, you can't punish the children
235
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:17,093
just because you can't come up
with an idea.
236
00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:19,720
I don't see why not.
They're my kids, I own 'em.
237
00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:20,805
(groans)
238
00:11:20,888 --> 00:11:23,391
OK, we own 'em.
239
00:11:23,474 --> 00:11:24,433
Hmm.
240
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:28,229
I brought you a tuna sandwich.
They say it's brain food.
241
00:11:28,312 --> 00:11:30,481
I guess because there's so much
dolphin in it
242
00:11:30,564 --> 00:11:32,525
and you know how smart they are.
243
00:11:32,608 --> 00:11:34,360
(groaning) It's no use.
244
00:11:34,443 --> 00:11:37,655
I can't work like this, cut off
from the scientific community.
245
00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:41,784
You stay here and guard my sandwich.
246
00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:47,248
And these should give you the grounding
you'll need in thermodynamics...
247
00:11:47,331 --> 00:11:48,999
Hyper-mathematics...
248
00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:53,045
And, of course, microcalifragilistics.
Moodavit.
249
00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:57,299
Look, I just want to know
how to invent things. Tell me.
250
00:11:57,383 --> 00:12:01,470
Well, all you have to do
is think of things that people need
251
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:03,264
but which don't exist yet.
252
00:12:03,347 --> 00:12:04,890
You mean, like an electric blanket mobile?
253
00:12:04,974 --> 00:12:07,685
Uh, oh, well, possibly.
254
00:12:07,768 --> 00:12:10,271
Or you could take something
that already exists
255
00:12:10,354 --> 00:12:12,481
and find a new use for it, like...
256
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,525
Hamburger earmuffs!
257
00:12:14,608 --> 00:12:18,362
Eh, uh, well, I suppose
that would qualify.
258
00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:19,947
Thanks! Sucker.
259
00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:23,617
What... all right,
just stay calm, Frinkie.
260
00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:25,745
These babies will be in the stores
261
00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:30,624
while he's still grappling
with the pickle matrix. Gyvinblayvin!
262
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,344
(explosion)
263
00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:48,517
(explosion)
264
00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:01,739
{\an8}OK... I have here
the four greatest inventions
265
00:13:01,822 --> 00:13:04,825
in the history of mankind.
266
00:13:06,368 --> 00:13:09,622
First, my all-purpose electric hammer...
267
00:13:09,705 --> 00:13:11,874
for all your pounding needs.
268
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:17,129
Ow! (muttering)
269
00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:19,840
-Hey, hey, OK. Look out.
-(cat screeching)
270
00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:21,300
(crashing)
271
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,180
Probably needs to be more powerful.
272
00:13:26,263 --> 00:13:28,140
I will buy ten of those right now.
273
00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:31,435
Now, here's my "everything's OK" alarm.
274
00:13:31,852 --> 00:13:36,315
-(piercing squawk)
-This will sound every three seconds
275
00:13:36,398 --> 00:13:39,235
unless something isn't OK!
276
00:13:40,194 --> 00:13:41,904
Turn it off, Homer!
277
00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:44,782
It can't be turned off!
278
00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:46,784
(alarm wheezing)
279
00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:49,912
But it, uh, does break easily.
280
00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:52,122
Now, this next one's for the ladies.
281
00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:55,709
How many times have you gals been late
for a high-powered business meeting
282
00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:58,712
only to realize you're not wearing makeup?
283
00:13:58,796 --> 00:14:00,840
That's every woman's nightmare.
284
00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:03,676
That's why I invented
this revolutionary makeup gun.
285
00:14:03,759 --> 00:14:07,471
It's for the woman who only has
four-fifths of a second to get ready.
286
00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:09,765
Close your eyes, Marge.
287
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:13,561
And now you're ready
for a night on the town.
288
00:14:13,644 --> 00:14:14,979
(gasps)
289
00:14:15,062 --> 00:14:19,525
-Homer, you've got it set on "whore".
-Ohh. OK.
290
00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:22,653
This time...
Try to keep your nostrils closed.
291
00:14:24,488 --> 00:14:25,823
Oh, look what you did.
292
00:14:25,906 --> 00:14:28,117
Now I have to go get my cold cream gun.
293
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,786
Dad, women won't like
being shot in the face.
294
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,913
Women will like what I tell them to like.
295
00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:34,582
Now, here's something for everyone.
296
00:14:34,665 --> 00:14:37,376
In the olden times,
if you were watching TV
297
00:14:37,459 --> 00:14:41,255
and nature called, you'd have to get up
and walk to the bathroom.
298
00:14:41,338 --> 00:14:44,008
It was the hardest thing
in the world to do.
299
00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:48,220
But now, with the lazy man
reclining toilet chair,
300
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:51,098
you can just lean back and let 'er rip.
301
00:14:51,181 --> 00:14:54,310
You expect people to go to the bathroom
in their living rooms?
302
00:14:54,393 --> 00:14:57,980
Sure. Believe me, every man in America
will want to have one.
303
00:14:58,647 --> 00:15:00,441
(flushing)
304
00:15:00,524 --> 00:15:01,567
Gangway. Gotta poop.
305
00:15:01,650 --> 00:15:02,735
No, Bart.
306
00:15:02,818 --> 00:15:07,031
-Homer, all these inventions, they're...
-Yes?
307
00:15:07,114 --> 00:15:10,159
-(groans) They're not very...
-Yes? Yes? Yes?
308
00:15:10,242 --> 00:15:12,161
-They're terrible.
-What?
309
00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:15,873
I'm not saying you're a bad inventor.
310
00:15:15,956 --> 00:15:20,252
I'm just saying these particular
inventions are awful.
311
00:15:20,336 --> 00:15:23,047
And no one in their right mind
would buy them.
312
00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:25,132
Or accept them as gifts.
313
00:15:25,215 --> 00:15:27,259
But this is the best I could do.
314
00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:30,638
I guess I'm no better
at being Thomas Edison
315
00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:32,681
than I was at being Homer Simpson.
316
00:15:35,392 --> 00:15:36,477
Oh, dear.
317
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:38,812
I hope I wasn't too rough on him.
318
00:15:38,896 --> 00:15:40,606
Somebody had to tell him, mom.
319
00:15:40,689 --> 00:15:42,858
In the long run, it's much kinder to--
320
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,318
(Bart clearing throat)
321
00:15:44,401 --> 00:15:45,945
Do you mind?
322
00:15:49,031 --> 00:15:53,160
All week, my lifelong dream
was to be the next Thomas Edison.
323
00:15:53,243 --> 00:15:54,662
But now it's over.
324
00:15:54,745 --> 00:15:57,498
I guess I'll just give up
my hopes and dreams
325
00:15:57,581 --> 00:16:00,542
and settle for being
a decent husband and father.
326
00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:03,212
-Uh...
-(all yelling)
327
00:16:03,295 --> 00:16:04,588
Huh?
328
00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:07,216
What happened? You didn't fall.
329
00:16:07,549 --> 00:16:11,512
Oh, that... I stuck a couple extra legs
on there 'cause I kept tipping over
330
00:16:11,595 --> 00:16:13,180
when I was trying to invent stuff.
331
00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:16,684
They're on hinges.
That's really ingenious, Dad.
332
00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:18,727
It could save lives.
333
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:20,521
Really? You think it's a good idea?
334
00:16:20,604 --> 00:16:23,065
Oh, yeah. Safety sells,
especially to lame-o's.
335
00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:25,150
-I'd buy one.
-Me, too.
336
00:16:25,567 --> 00:16:26,986
(all cooing)
337
00:16:27,069 --> 00:16:29,154
I did it! I'm going to be rich!
338
00:16:38,956 --> 00:16:41,000
(humming)
339
00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:43,669
Look, Mr. Edison, I did it!
340
00:16:43,752 --> 00:16:44,837
I'm an inventor!
341
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:46,422
And I owe it all to you.
342
00:16:47,423 --> 00:16:49,675
See? It's just a regular chair.
343
00:16:49,758 --> 00:16:52,594
But I attached a couple
of extra legs to the back.
344
00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:54,138
Kind of like the ones
on the back of your...
345
00:16:56,140 --> 00:16:57,766
Aw, damn it!
346
00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:00,060
Hey, Dad. Heard you swearing.
347
00:17:00,144 --> 00:17:02,021
Mind if I join in? Crap. Boobs. Crap.
348
00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:04,565
I thought I had a great idea
349
00:17:04,648 --> 00:17:06,734
but I must have seen it on this poster.
350
00:17:08,527 --> 00:17:11,739
If Edison thought of that chair,
how come it's not on this chart?
351
00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:15,701
It's not? Maybe he never told
anyone about it!
352
00:17:15,784 --> 00:17:18,912
That chair might be the only one he made!
353
00:17:18,996 --> 00:17:19,997
So?
354
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:23,542
So... We've got to go to the Edison museum
355
00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:25,252
and smash it.
356
00:17:25,335 --> 00:17:27,588
Then I'll be an inventor!
357
00:17:27,671 --> 00:17:29,381
But I thought you loved Edison.
358
00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:30,841
Aw, the hell with him.
359
00:17:31,258 --> 00:17:33,218
Yeah! Hell, damn, fart!
360
00:17:34,845 --> 00:17:35,888
(tires screeching)
361
00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:38,015
Taking Bart across state lines. Back soon.
362
00:17:39,391 --> 00:17:40,893
I took your wallet.
363
00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,979
Oh, I just mopped that driveway.
364
00:17:47,775 --> 00:17:49,902
Man, I can't wait to smash that chair.
365
00:17:49,985 --> 00:17:53,906
(chuckling) Oh, son,
you're young and headstrong.
366
00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:55,949
Just like Thomas Edison, Jr.
367
00:17:56,033 --> 00:17:59,495
You know, he started a mushroom farm
and an auto parts company.
368
00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:02,372
And he sold his good name
to a quack medicine company.
369
00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:04,625
Oh! And later, he raised turkeys.
370
00:18:04,708 --> 00:18:06,168
That was on his turkey farm.
371
00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:07,586
(snoring)
372
00:18:12,716 --> 00:18:13,759
Hmm.
373
00:18:14,551 --> 00:18:17,096
Hmm...
374
00:18:17,554 --> 00:18:20,307
Mmm. Mmm.
375
00:18:20,390 --> 00:18:22,226
(muttering, gasps)
376
00:18:23,143 --> 00:18:24,770
-Stop, Homer...
-(Homer gasps)
377
00:18:24,853 --> 00:18:29,525
By smashing my chair,
you're only hurting yourself.
378
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:30,984
(grunts)
379
00:18:32,569 --> 00:18:34,571
(yelping, grunts)
380
00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:39,409
I'll get you, you fat lunatic!
381
00:18:39,493 --> 00:18:40,869
(tires squealing)
382
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,037
Uh-oh.
383
00:18:44,164 --> 00:18:45,165
Ooh...
384
00:18:52,548 --> 00:18:53,715
(both panting)
385
00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:56,260
All right, the museum's still open.
386
00:18:56,343 --> 00:18:58,637
Why don't you like Edison that much?
387
00:18:58,720 --> 00:18:59,721
(grunts)
388
00:19:02,015 --> 00:19:03,642
Hey, folks, do you like riddles?
389
00:19:03,725 --> 00:19:05,060
(all answering affirmatively)
390
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:06,979
Well, OK then.
391
00:19:07,062 --> 00:19:11,316
How many geniuses does it take
to invent a light bulb?
392
00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:15,445
Just one... Thomas Edison.
393
00:19:15,529 --> 00:19:19,116
(cheering, laughing)
394
00:19:19,199 --> 00:19:20,200
That's very good.
395
00:19:20,284 --> 00:19:22,077
And that's true, too.
It's funny and true.
396
00:19:22,411 --> 00:19:27,374
Now, behind that door
is Edison's actual preserved brain.
397
00:19:27,457 --> 00:19:29,209
(all gasping)
398
00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:33,046
Ordinarily, folks,
tour groups are not allowed to see it.
399
00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:35,716
And, of course,
today will be no exception.
400
00:19:35,799 --> 00:19:37,092
(all groaning)
401
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:38,719
Now, no tour would be complete
402
00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:41,638
without a visit to Edison's
boyhood gift shop.
403
00:19:41,722 --> 00:19:42,931
(indistinct chatter)
404
00:19:58,822 --> 00:20:00,616
Now, let's take care of business.
405
00:20:05,996 --> 00:20:07,372
Out of the way.
406
00:20:07,748 --> 00:20:09,708
This is one invention
you're not getting credit for,
407
00:20:09,791 --> 00:20:11,126
you inspiration-hog!
408
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:13,045
Your electric hammer, maestro?
409
00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:17,925
Invent your way out of this, Edison!
410
00:20:18,008 --> 00:20:19,051
Hmm?
411
00:20:20,427 --> 00:20:21,303
Hmm.
412
00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:30,687
Look, son, Edison was just like me.
413
00:20:30,771 --> 00:20:32,356
You mean, the wild mood swings?
414
00:20:32,439 --> 00:20:33,565
No!
415
00:20:33,982 --> 00:20:36,777
We both lived in another man's shadow.
416
00:20:37,444 --> 00:20:39,738
This old-timey nerd and I have suffered
417
00:20:39,821 --> 00:20:44,034
the same frustration and heartache.
We're not rivals.
418
00:20:44,117 --> 00:20:48,789
We're just a couple of dreamers
who set the bar a little too high.
419
00:20:50,374 --> 00:20:53,543
-I can't destroy your work, my friend.
-Can I?
420
00:20:53,627 --> 00:20:57,631
No, but we'll stop off
at the da Vinci museum on the way home.
421
00:20:58,090 --> 00:21:00,259
Uh, I think that's in Italy, Dad.
422
00:21:00,342 --> 00:21:02,469
Oh! Well, then we'll take
it out on Eli Whitney.
423
00:21:03,011 --> 00:21:08,267
Authorities say the phony pope
can be recognized by his high-top sneakers
424
00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:10,477
and incredibly foul mouth.
425
00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:13,855
In other news, Thomas Edison,
the greatest inventor of all time...
426
00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:16,483
-(both gasp)
-...is apparently still inventing.
427
00:21:16,566 --> 00:21:18,902
Despite the notable handicap
of being dead.
428
00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:20,529
That's my Tommy!
429
00:21:20,612 --> 00:21:24,283
MAN (on TV): Two new Edison creations
have just been discovered in his museum
430
00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:26,827
a six-legged chair that won't tip over...
431
00:21:27,911 --> 00:21:30,706
and even more astounding,
an electric hammer.
432
00:21:30,789 --> 00:21:32,624
-(murmuring)
-(applause)
433
00:21:33,792 --> 00:21:36,169
That was your idea.
434
00:21:36,253 --> 00:21:38,672
This brilliant innovation is expected
to generate millions
435
00:21:38,755 --> 00:21:41,258
{\an8}for Edison's already wealthy heirs.
436
00:21:42,426 --> 00:21:44,428
Dad, those should be your millions.
437
00:21:44,511 --> 00:21:47,347
I got to admit, Homer,
you're taking this pretty well.
438
00:21:47,431 --> 00:21:52,269
(gritting teeth) Let's just say
I'm sitting in the right chair.
439
00:21:53,562 --> 00:21:56,106
(theme music playing)
440
00:22:38,940 --> 00:22:40,484
-(murmuring)
-Shh!
441
00:22:43,862 --> 00:22:45,864
{\an8}Captioned by
Visual Data Media Services