1 00:00:03,586 --> 00:00:06,506 CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:09,467 --> 00:00:10,593 D'oh! 3 00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:12,470 [screams] 4 00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:14,764 -[all grunting] -[Lisa wails] 5 00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:15,974 [Homer yells] 6 00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:28,028 {\an8}Mail call! Gather round, everyone! 7 00:00:29,112 --> 00:00:31,322 {\an8}All right, one for resident. 8 00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:32,407 {\an8}That's me! 9 00:00:32,991 --> 00:00:33,992 {\an8}Well, that's it. 10 00:00:34,075 --> 00:00:35,118 {\an8}One stinkin' letter? 11 00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:36,828 {\an8}Why'd you make us gather round? 12 00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:39,581 {\an8}I needed my power fix. [sighs] 13 00:00:39,664 --> 00:00:41,124 {\an8}MARGE: Hey, listen to this. 14 00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:44,544 {\an8}"Congratulations! Your child, or children, 15 00:00:44,627 --> 00:00:46,296 {\an8}have been selected to appear 16 00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:50,008 {\an8}in Who's Who Among American Elementary School Students." 17 00:00:50,091 --> 00:00:51,968 {\an8}[gasps, belches] 18 00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:55,138 {\an8}Please submit their names along with 95 dollars 19 00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:57,682 {\an8}for each handsome volume you wish to order." 20 00:00:57,766 --> 00:01:00,101 {\an8}Oh, I've never been so proud! 21 00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:02,062 {\an8}[kissing] You both deserve 22 00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:04,564 a big, big reward! 23 00:01:04,647 --> 00:01:07,275 {\an8}Mom, they put every kid in America in that book 24 00:01:07,358 --> 00:01:09,235 {\an8}just so gullible parents will buy it. 25 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:11,237 {\an8}It's all a big scam. 26 00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:12,822 {\an8}[muttering] Shut up. 27 00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:14,240 {\an8}Are you sure? 28 00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:15,366 {\an8}I can usually smell 29 00:01:15,450 --> 00:01:17,243 {\an8}a scam from two towns over. 30 00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:18,328 {\an8}Yeah, Lise. 31 00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:19,412 {\an8}She is a smart, 32 00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:20,663 {\an8}sophisticated woman. 33 00:01:21,122 --> 00:01:23,875 {\an8}Now, let's hear more about that big, big reward. 34 00:01:23,958 --> 00:01:26,294 {\an8}Yeah, quit stalling, Marge. We want our reward. 35 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:29,380 One reward coming up! 36 00:01:29,964 --> 00:01:31,132 MARGE: Ta-da! 37 00:01:31,466 --> 00:01:33,301 BART: Yea! All right! 38 00:01:33,384 --> 00:01:34,385 LISA: Way to go! 39 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:41,101 Uhh! Man, it feels good to get out of that car. 40 00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:43,353 Ooh! Go-karts! Come on, everybody! Let's go! 41 00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:49,359 [laughing] Look at me, Bart! 42 00:01:49,901 --> 00:01:51,111 I'm driving! 43 00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:52,529 We're all proud of you, Dad. 44 00:01:55,031 --> 00:01:56,032 Move it, pokey. 45 00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:59,160 Slow and steady wins the race. 46 00:02:02,038 --> 00:02:06,668 [humming] 47 00:02:06,751 --> 00:02:09,879 Easy, easy. Stick with the plan. 48 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:12,090 [engine revs, wheels screeching] 49 00:02:12,173 --> 00:02:15,718 -Whoa! -Uh, are you all right, man? 50 00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:18,263 Uh, I think so. 51 00:02:18,346 --> 00:02:19,347 How about now? 52 00:02:19,430 --> 00:02:21,599 -[screams] -Ha-ha! 53 00:02:22,267 --> 00:02:25,353 That was no accident. Shame on you, Nelson. 54 00:02:25,436 --> 00:02:26,688 Cram it, ma'am. 55 00:02:26,771 --> 00:02:28,398 [engine revs] 56 00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:32,068 Stand back and watch the pro. 57 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:34,154 Er, shouldn't you put on a batting helmet? 58 00:02:34,237 --> 00:02:35,655 Nah. They mess up my hair. 59 00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:41,661 [grunts] Ooh! Ball one. 60 00:02:42,787 --> 00:02:44,372 [grunts] Ball two! 61 00:02:45,039 --> 00:02:47,000 [chuckles] This bozo's gonna walk me. 62 00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:51,045 Hey! You're goin' down, you-- 63 00:02:51,129 --> 00:02:54,382 [groaning] 64 00:02:54,465 --> 00:02:57,093 Why, you-- aah! Hey, you-- [grunts] 65 00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:59,470 You better-- aah! I'm gonna-- aah! 66 00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:00,763 If you do-- D'oh! 67 00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:02,599 Hang in there, Dad! 68 00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:04,058 Just half a basket left! 69 00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:06,352 [grunting continues] 70 00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:09,063 Wow, you sure get a lot of balls for a quarter. 71 00:03:10,773 --> 00:03:12,650 Hmm. [grunts] 72 00:03:14,986 --> 00:03:16,821 -[bell ringing] -LISA: Yes! A Maggie-oop! 73 00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:19,157 -[machine buzzing] -LISA: Mm-hmm. 74 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:20,783 Hey, that's cheating! 75 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,912 [humming] Hmm! 76 00:03:26,289 --> 00:03:30,001 OK, what can I get for 12-- count 'em-- 12 prize tickets? 77 00:03:30,084 --> 00:03:32,712 Two thumbtacks and a mustache comb 78 00:03:32,795 --> 00:03:35,048 or five rubber bands and an ice cube. 79 00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:39,010 What can I get for 8,000 tickets? 80 00:03:39,093 --> 00:03:41,221 A BB gun or an easy-bake oven. 81 00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:44,015 Hmm. Hot food is tempting. 82 00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:46,726 But I just can't say no to a weapon. 83 00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:48,436 [gasps] 84 00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:52,607 Whoa! Can I try that sometime? 85 00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:56,486 Yeah, sure. Never hurts to have a second set of prints on a gun. 86 00:03:56,569 --> 00:03:58,321 Wow! Thanks, Nelson. 87 00:03:58,404 --> 00:03:59,656 Come by your house later! 88 00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:00,740 Oh, no, you won't. 89 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,743 You stay away from Nelson Muntz. 90 00:04:03,826 --> 00:04:06,704 -But, Mom-- -Nelson's a troubled, lonely, 91 00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:08,081 sad little boy. 92 00:04:08,164 --> 00:04:10,250 He needs to be isolated from everyone. 93 00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:12,377 -But, Mom-- -Yes? 94 00:04:13,044 --> 00:04:14,045 That's all I got. 95 00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:16,756 So what prize did you end up getting? 96 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:18,341 Mustache comb. What'd you get? 97 00:04:18,424 --> 00:04:20,635 Fake mustache. Wanna comb it? 98 00:04:20,718 --> 00:04:22,845 Uhh! This sucks. Time to punch out 99 00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:25,014 of this yawn factory. I'm going to Nelson's. 100 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,474 But Mom said not to. 101 00:04:26,557 --> 00:04:27,684 She doesn't scare me. 102 00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:29,727 I do what I want when I want. 103 00:04:30,186 --> 00:04:31,562 Oh, God! Inchworms! 104 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,775 Won't you get in trouble if your mom sees you doing that? 105 00:04:35,858 --> 00:04:37,527 Nah. My mom's got bigger problems. 106 00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:39,070 She doesn't give a crap what I do. 107 00:04:39,153 --> 00:04:41,281 Wow, you are so lucky. 108 00:04:41,739 --> 00:04:43,199 Come on. Let's lock and load. 109 00:04:43,574 --> 00:04:45,785 You're not going out without a scarf, are ya? 110 00:04:45,868 --> 00:04:47,120 Nah, I don't need one. 111 00:04:47,203 --> 00:04:49,163 Hmm. It's your health. 112 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,583 Think I can hit that bottle? 113 00:04:52,917 --> 00:04:53,918 Yeah, probably. 114 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,212 Shows what you know. 115 00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:57,463 Hey, check this out. 116 00:05:03,052 --> 00:05:04,971 That's my dad's shootin' car. 117 00:05:05,054 --> 00:05:07,598 Just three more payments and it's ours. 118 00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:09,851 Oh, cool. Can I get a shot now? 119 00:05:09,934 --> 00:05:11,477 Hang on! First, how about 120 00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:12,854 I peg you in the stomach? 121 00:05:12,937 --> 00:05:14,605 Mmm, no, thanks. 122 00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:16,232 Or what about you put on these 123 00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,151 nerd glasses and I shoot 'em off? 124 00:05:18,234 --> 00:05:21,321 No way! Come on! Quit hoggin' the gun! 125 00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:23,781 [bird chirping] 126 00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:25,825 Bet you can't hit that bird from here. 127 00:05:25,908 --> 00:05:28,536 Are you crazy? I don't want to shoot a stupid bird. 128 00:05:28,619 --> 00:05:30,413 That's 'cause you know you can't. 129 00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:32,790 You're not a super-stud like me. 130 00:05:32,874 --> 00:05:35,043 -Am, too! -Are not! 131 00:05:35,126 --> 00:05:36,669 You're an octo-wussy. 132 00:05:36,753 --> 00:05:38,546 "Whoa, look at me! 133 00:05:38,629 --> 00:05:41,507 I'm Bart Simpson! I'm scared to use a gun! 134 00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:45,011 I want to marry Milhouse. I walk around like this." 135 00:05:45,094 --> 00:05:46,846 ♪ La-la-la-la-la ♪ 136 00:05:46,929 --> 00:05:48,097 Hey, quit it! 137 00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:50,808 -[bird chirping] -Hmm. 138 00:05:56,147 --> 00:05:58,858 [whimpering] 139 00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:04,447 [whimpering] 140 00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:09,911 -Oh, my God! -Whoa! Major shot! 141 00:06:10,244 --> 00:06:12,455 You even compensated for the crooked sight. 142 00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:13,998 Crooked sight? 143 00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:17,085 You are one cold-blooded killer, dude. 144 00:06:17,418 --> 00:06:19,670 But-- but I wasn't-- I didn't-- 145 00:06:21,547 --> 00:06:23,299 Right through the neck! 146 00:06:23,716 --> 00:06:25,218 [whistles] 147 00:06:25,301 --> 00:06:27,678 Doesn't get any sweeter than that, Simpson. 148 00:06:27,762 --> 00:06:29,180 Savor the moment. 149 00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:30,598 [sighs] 150 00:06:33,976 --> 00:06:35,186 [humming] 151 00:06:35,269 --> 00:06:36,396 I rolled up all the socks. 152 00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:37,480 -[gasps] -What's next? 153 00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:39,107 While I deal with this, 154 00:06:39,190 --> 00:06:41,150 why don't you start on that basket? 155 00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:42,235 All right. 156 00:06:42,693 --> 00:06:45,196 Uhh! I hate folding sheets. 157 00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:46,823 That's your underwear. 158 00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:48,116 Well, whatever it is, 159 00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:49,742 it's a two-man job. Where's Bart? 160 00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:52,286 He's up in his room. Bart! 161 00:06:52,370 --> 00:06:53,830 It's OK, Marge. I'll get him. 162 00:06:54,163 --> 00:06:55,623 (shouting) Bart! 163 00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,000 What the heck's going on? 164 00:06:58,084 --> 00:07:00,461 We need Bart to help fold your father's underpants. 165 00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:02,296 Where is he anyway? 166 00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:05,633 Bart? Uh, he went to play with a friend. 167 00:07:05,716 --> 00:07:07,844 He didn't go to Nelson's, did he? 168 00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:11,431 No. No. I'm pretty sure he's with Milhouse. 169 00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:14,725 [yelling] Milhouse! 170 00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:17,395 [Milhouse shouting] What? 171 00:07:17,478 --> 00:07:20,523 Tell Bart to come home. 172 00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:24,026 [Milhouse] I think he's at Nelson's. 173 00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:26,946 Who's Nelson? 174 00:07:27,029 --> 00:07:28,281 Nelson? 175 00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:30,908 I explicitly forbade Bart 176 00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:32,827 from playing with that little monster. 177 00:07:32,910 --> 00:07:35,371 Oh, Bart is in deep, deep trouble. 178 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:40,293 Oh, yes, and punish Lisa for lying to us. 179 00:07:40,877 --> 00:07:42,462 -[door slams] -All right, young lady. 180 00:07:42,545 --> 00:07:44,922 I want you to march yourself directly to the Kwik-E-Mart 181 00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:46,299 and get me chips and a beer. 182 00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:49,385 Get somethin' for yourself, sweetheart. 183 00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:53,639 Shall we bury it or chuck it into a car full of girls? 184 00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:55,141 Hey, leave it alone! 185 00:07:55,224 --> 00:07:57,768 OK! OK! Don't kill me, killer. 186 00:07:57,852 --> 00:07:59,061 Don't call me that! 187 00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:00,354 Relax, Simpson. 188 00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:01,981 It was either him or you. 189 00:08:02,064 --> 00:08:03,399 No court would convict you. 190 00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:05,234 [gavel banging] 191 00:08:07,111 --> 00:08:08,196 Bart Simpson, 192 00:08:08,279 --> 00:08:09,906 do you know why you have been 193 00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:12,200 summoned before this tribunal? 194 00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:15,161 Yes, sir. Because I killed an innocent bird. 195 00:08:15,244 --> 00:08:17,580 Uh! Dear Lord! We just wanted you to put 196 00:08:17,663 --> 00:08:19,665 fresh newspaper on the tribunal floor! 197 00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:21,834 We're knee-deep in our own droppings. 198 00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:23,461 It's disgusting. 199 00:08:23,544 --> 00:08:26,047 But since you've confessed to bird slaughter, 200 00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:28,591 we have no choice but to peck your face off. 201 00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:30,134 No! Not the face! 202 00:08:30,218 --> 00:08:33,304 [all squawking] 203 00:08:33,387 --> 00:08:35,973 [screaming] 204 00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:37,141 [groans] 205 00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:38,809 Oww! What are you doing? 206 00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:41,062 I got bored, so I started slapping you. 207 00:08:41,145 --> 00:08:42,313 [gasps] Uh-oh. 208 00:08:44,982 --> 00:08:46,108 [gasps] 209 00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:47,485 Young man, you're coming home 210 00:08:47,568 --> 00:08:48,736 with me this minute. 211 00:08:48,819 --> 00:08:51,572 All right! Finally, a real home! 212 00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:53,908 Not you. Bart. 213 00:08:53,991 --> 00:08:56,619 Oh! See ya later, killer. 214 00:08:56,702 --> 00:08:59,038 Killer? Why did he call you killer? 215 00:08:59,121 --> 00:09:01,290 Mom, you were right. Nelson is bad news. 216 00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:02,375 Can we go home? 217 00:09:03,125 --> 00:09:04,293 What are you hiding? 218 00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:05,753 -[cats yowling] -Nothing. 219 00:09:05,836 --> 00:09:07,755 What are those cats doing behind you? 220 00:09:07,838 --> 00:09:10,925 -[cats yowling] -Uh, cats like me? 221 00:09:11,425 --> 00:09:13,511 [gasps] Get off. Get off. 222 00:09:13,594 --> 00:09:14,720 [cats yowling] 223 00:09:15,471 --> 00:09:17,265 [gasps] Bart! 224 00:09:17,765 --> 00:09:19,976 Did you kill that poor bird? 225 00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:23,563 Uh, I didn't mean to, Mom. The gun pulled to the left. 226 00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:25,565 You disobeyed me, snuck over here 227 00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:27,525 and murdered a helpless animal? 228 00:09:27,608 --> 00:09:31,320 I know. I really screwed up. I deserve to be punished. 229 00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,197 What's the point, Bart? 230 00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:35,992 I punish and I punish and I punish, 231 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:37,868 but it never sinks in. 232 00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:40,371 So you know what? Do what you want. 233 00:09:40,454 --> 00:09:42,915 You wanna play with little hoodlums? Fine. 234 00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:44,584 Have fun killing things. 235 00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:45,668 Mom, wait! 236 00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:52,008 [whimpers] 237 00:09:52,466 --> 00:09:53,593 [sizzling] 238 00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:59,307 {\an8}[humming] 239 00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:03,144 Oh, my God! 240 00:10:05,813 --> 00:10:08,399 Hi, little eggs. I'm not sure how to tell you this, 241 00:10:08,482 --> 00:10:11,444 but your--your mom was involved in an incident. 242 00:10:11,527 --> 00:10:14,071 Mistakes were made... by me. 243 00:10:14,989 --> 00:10:17,450 But don't worry. I'll take care of you. 244 00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:28,252 Hi, I'm Troy McClure. 245 00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:30,463 You may remember me from such nature films 246 00:10:30,546 --> 00:10:32,548 as Earwigs, Ew! 247 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:35,885 and Man Versus Nature: The Road To Victory. 248 00:10:38,387 --> 00:10:39,639 In all the animal kingdom, 249 00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:40,973 no mother is more devoted 250 00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:42,183 than the blue jay. 251 00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,935 Valuing her eggs above even her own life, 252 00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:47,730 the mother bird bravely fights off such fearsome predators 253 00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:49,607 as the badger and the mongoose. 254 00:10:49,690 --> 00:10:51,442 [shrieking] 255 00:10:51,525 --> 00:10:53,110 Of course, one thing mother blue jay 256 00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:56,322 can't defend against is a set of steel tongs. 257 00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:58,074 [squawks] 258 00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:00,993 Eggs. Precious eggs. 259 00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:03,579 If they're to survive, they require the gentle warmth 260 00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:06,290 and tender love that only a mother can provide. 261 00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:09,085 Or better yet, a 75-watt bulb. 262 00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:13,381 Oh, hello! In a few days, 263 00:11:13,464 --> 00:11:15,091 our eggs will hatch into nestlings, 264 00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:16,634 like these over here. 265 00:11:16,967 --> 00:11:19,220 They look awfully hungry, Mr. McClure. 266 00:11:19,303 --> 00:11:20,846 They sure are, Billy. 267 00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:22,890 In nature, their mother would regurgitate 268 00:11:22,973 --> 00:11:24,266 food for them to eat. 269 00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:25,559 That's gross! 270 00:11:25,643 --> 00:11:28,020 [laughs] It sure is, Billy. 271 00:11:28,396 --> 00:11:30,231 It sure is. 272 00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:37,238 [murmuring] 273 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:40,741 You've checked this Bible out 274 00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:43,869 every weekend for the last nine years. 275 00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:46,539 Wouldn't it be easier to just buy one? 276 00:11:46,622 --> 00:11:49,500 Perhaps on a librarian's salary. 277 00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:51,419 [birds chirping] 278 00:12:00,344 --> 00:12:04,348 Hey, fellas, good news. I found an extra 75-watt bulb lying around. 279 00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:05,516 [whistling] 280 00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:11,939 HOMER: D'oh! [screaming, groaning] 281 00:12:12,606 --> 00:12:15,109 [whistling] 282 00:12:15,192 --> 00:12:16,944 Check it out. I've been working on this 283 00:12:17,027 --> 00:12:18,154 regurgitation thing. 284 00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,281 [retching] 285 00:12:21,365 --> 00:12:23,951 Oh, yeah! Hope you like pop-tarts. 286 00:12:24,034 --> 00:12:26,036 I think I'll call you chirpy boy 287 00:12:26,495 --> 00:12:30,499 and you Bart Junior. And you can call me Mother. 288 00:12:30,958 --> 00:12:33,294 No, wait, that sounds kinda fruity. Just call me Mom. 289 00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:39,049 [thunder] 290 00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:44,096 [gasps] 291 00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:46,557 [sighs] 292 00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:48,309 [Homer whistling] 293 00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:54,482 HOMER: D'oh! [screaming, groaning] 294 00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:59,236 [growling, yowling] 295 00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:02,656 [yowls] 296 00:13:03,407 --> 00:13:04,784 [whimpers] 297 00:13:05,409 --> 00:13:06,619 [blubbering] 298 00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:09,789 -[can opens] -[gulps] 299 00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:10,915 Hmm. What do you think 300 00:13:10,998 --> 00:13:12,458 he's doing up there? 301 00:13:12,541 --> 00:13:13,959 I don't know. Drug lab? 302 00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:15,920 -Drug lab? -Or reading comic books. 303 00:13:16,003 --> 00:13:17,046 What am I, Kreskin? 304 00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:18,631 You tell me what he's doing. 305 00:13:18,714 --> 00:13:21,175 I don't know, and I don't want to know. 306 00:13:21,717 --> 00:13:23,219 And I'm going to find out. 307 00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:27,807 Oh! My good gray extension cord. 308 00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:28,891 [groans] 309 00:13:29,683 --> 00:13:30,810 Oh, no! 310 00:13:32,436 --> 00:13:33,771 Gotta keep these warm. 311 00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:39,902 Bart, stop whatever you're doing and come down here. 312 00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:41,654 BART: Can't right now. Come back later. 313 00:13:41,737 --> 00:13:44,031 Oh, I'll come back later. 314 00:13:46,575 --> 00:13:48,452 How's this for later? 315 00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:50,663 -Mom, listen-- -Why are you sitting like that? 316 00:13:50,746 --> 00:13:52,456 What are you hiding this time? 317 00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:54,166 [whimpers] 318 00:13:58,420 --> 00:14:00,256 -Eggs? -That bird I killed 319 00:14:00,339 --> 00:14:01,340 was their mother. 320 00:14:01,715 --> 00:14:03,592 I don't want her babies to die too. 321 00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:06,679 [groans] 322 00:14:06,762 --> 00:14:08,973 Aww-- oh, honey. 323 00:14:09,056 --> 00:14:10,057 Oh, come here. 324 00:14:11,934 --> 00:14:14,937 [gasps] Oh, my goodness! Look! 325 00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:16,021 [gasps] 326 00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:19,149 Oh, man! 327 00:14:19,775 --> 00:14:21,610 This is the most exciting thing 328 00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:24,697 I've seen since Halley's comet collided with the moon. 329 00:14:25,072 --> 00:14:26,532 That never happened, dad. 330 00:14:26,615 --> 00:14:28,325 Sure it didn't. 331 00:14:29,994 --> 00:14:31,453 Is the nest warm enough, Mom? 332 00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:32,746 Hmm. 333 00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:34,665 It's starting to cool down. 334 00:14:34,748 --> 00:14:36,041 I'll bake another pie. 335 00:14:38,502 --> 00:14:40,421 Ooh, how about cherry this time? 336 00:14:40,504 --> 00:14:42,131 And would it kill you to make some coffee? 337 00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:45,301 Why is this taking so long? 338 00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:47,469 Bart was born in about five minutes. 339 00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:50,514 Actually, it took 53 hours. 340 00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:52,933 Really? Well, the time just flew by, didn't it? 341 00:14:53,017 --> 00:14:54,018 [groans] 342 00:14:57,104 --> 00:14:58,814 Everybody, come quick! They're hatching! 343 00:14:58,898 --> 00:14:59,899 Hmm? 344 00:15:02,484 --> 00:15:03,694 [gasps] 345 00:15:07,114 --> 00:15:09,074 -I see a foot. -I see an eye! 346 00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:10,784 -I see a neck! -I see a horn! 347 00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:11,869 A horn? 348 00:15:14,246 --> 00:15:15,664 [all sigh] 349 00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:17,082 [hissing] 350 00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:19,543 [all gasping, screaming] 351 00:15:23,047 --> 00:15:25,799 BART: Man, those are some funky lookin' birds! 352 00:15:25,883 --> 00:15:27,843 Aww... (chuckles) 353 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:31,722 Oh! You look like a little tiny dinosaur. 354 00:15:32,181 --> 00:15:33,515 Oww! 355 00:15:33,849 --> 00:15:35,559 That is one vicious baby bird! 356 00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:38,145 -Dad, they aren't birds. -Sure, they are. 357 00:15:38,228 --> 00:15:39,813 They came from eggs in a bird's nest. 358 00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:41,273 Therefore, they're birds. 359 00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:42,858 "Ickso fatso." 360 00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,777 One, they don't have beaks. 361 00:15:44,860 --> 00:15:46,487 Two, they don't have feathers. 362 00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:48,155 And three, they're lizards! 363 00:15:48,238 --> 00:15:49,949 -You're a lizard! -Enough bickering. 364 00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:51,158 I know how to settle this. 365 00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:52,576 No kick-boxing. 366 00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:55,204 Oh. If anybody wants me, 367 00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:57,289 I'll be eating alone in the basement. 368 00:15:57,373 --> 00:15:58,540 [click] 369 00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:01,168 D'oh! [screaming, groaning] 370 00:16:03,879 --> 00:16:06,548 Now, uh, people, there's been some confusion 371 00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:08,509 about our bird-sighting rules. 372 00:16:08,592 --> 00:16:10,511 You cannot count birds that you've seen 373 00:16:10,594 --> 00:16:13,263 at the zoo, on stamps or in dreams. 374 00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:15,432 Well, I'm back to square one. 375 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,018 [cooing] 376 00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:19,103 Mmm. 377 00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:22,022 My God! A pigeon! 378 00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:24,900 That's the last bird on my list. 379 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,319 [chuckles] So long, suckers. 380 00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:31,657 Excuse me. Can you tell us what kind of birds these are? 381 00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:33,492 They hatched from eggs I found in a nest. 382 00:16:33,575 --> 00:16:35,703 [gasps] Good heavens! 383 00:16:35,786 --> 00:16:38,288 I'm very glad you brought those in, Bart. 384 00:16:38,872 --> 00:16:41,291 I'll just get those killed and you can be on your way. 385 00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:42,376 [gasps] Wait! 386 00:16:42,459 --> 00:16:43,836 What the heck are you doing? 387 00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:45,838 My civic duty, that's what. 388 00:16:46,630 --> 00:16:48,132 Bolivian Tree Lizard? 389 00:16:48,215 --> 00:16:50,050 Mm-hmm. It's a vicious Ovoraptor. 390 00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:52,845 It feasts on bird eggs and lays its own eggs in the nest. 391 00:16:53,220 --> 00:16:54,513 The unsuspecting mother bird 392 00:16:54,596 --> 00:16:56,348 cares for them until the babies hatch 393 00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:58,434 and... devour her, too. 394 00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:00,602 [laughs] What a chump! 395 00:17:00,936 --> 00:17:02,855 It's already wiped out the Dodo, 396 00:17:02,938 --> 00:17:04,356 the Cuckoo and the Ne-ne. 397 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:06,275 And it has nasty plans for the booby, 398 00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:08,610 the titmouse, the woodcock and the tit-pecker. 399 00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:10,237 How vile! 400 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:11,947 Well, the one thing that mystifies me 401 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:14,491 is how a Bolivian lizard made it to Springfield. 402 00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:18,370 [clears throat] That is a puzzlement. 403 00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:24,334 [grunting] 404 00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:26,128 Ahh! 405 00:17:26,211 --> 00:17:27,629 [humming] 406 00:17:29,548 --> 00:17:31,133 -[shrieks] -Mmm? 407 00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:33,594 Mmm. 408 00:17:34,178 --> 00:17:36,680 Look, Skinner, we haven't got all day. 409 00:17:36,764 --> 00:17:38,307 Kill the horrid beasts. 410 00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:40,059 Then do away with their lizards. 411 00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:41,477 No, don't hurt them! 412 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:42,978 I'll just keep 'em as pets. 413 00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:44,563 No, they might escape and breed. 414 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:47,441 The law is very clear on this. They must be exterminated 415 00:17:47,524 --> 00:17:49,568 as quickly and gruesomely as possible. 416 00:17:49,651 --> 00:17:50,736 [whirring] 417 00:17:50,819 --> 00:17:53,030 No! They're mine! 418 00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:55,365 I'm sure we can work this out. 419 00:17:56,033 --> 00:17:58,827 He's just a child. Let me talk to him. 420 00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:00,412 All right. I'll give you a moment. 421 00:18:00,496 --> 00:18:02,748 That'll give us time to prepare for the splatter. 422 00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:09,379 Bart, I'm sorry, but there's nothing we can do. 423 00:18:09,463 --> 00:18:12,216 Your lizards are banned by federal law. 424 00:18:12,299 --> 00:18:14,259 Everyone thinks they're monsters, 425 00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:16,970 but I raised them and I love them. 426 00:18:17,304 --> 00:18:19,348 I know that's hard to understand. 427 00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:22,851 Mmm. Not as hard as you think. 428 00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:24,228 [sniffles] 429 00:18:27,731 --> 00:18:28,857 Run for it. 430 00:18:29,566 --> 00:18:30,567 Really? 431 00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:38,408 OK, that's exactly one moment. 432 00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:41,078 And-- Oh, my God! He's getting away! 433 00:18:41,161 --> 00:18:42,246 [gasping, murmuring] 434 00:18:42,329 --> 00:18:43,455 Stop him! 435 00:18:43,539 --> 00:18:44,873 Out of the way, Midge. 436 00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:46,625 Oh, am I in the way? 437 00:18:46,708 --> 00:18:50,045 Yes, yes, you're in the way! Are you daft, woman? 438 00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:52,714 Sorry. I didn't realize I was in the way. 439 00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:54,049 You're still in the way. 440 00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,801 You don't seem to be moving at all. 441 00:18:55,884 --> 00:18:58,595 Oh, for cryin' out loud, just knock her a** down. Unh! 442 00:18:58,679 --> 00:19:00,556 -MOE: Way to shove, Edna. -APU: Let us roll. 443 00:19:00,639 --> 00:19:02,975 Guys, is it really true? 444 00:19:03,058 --> 00:19:05,144 Are you cold-blooded egg murderers? 445 00:19:06,854 --> 00:19:09,231 Don't use that look on me. I invented that look. 446 00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:14,236 There he is, off in the distance! 447 00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:15,612 [whimpering, panting] 448 00:19:15,696 --> 00:19:16,947 SMITHERS: He's getting away! 449 00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:20,492 [panting] 450 00:19:20,909 --> 00:19:21,910 [gasps] 451 00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:22,995 OK, Bart. 452 00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:26,165 This is where it ends. Relinquish the lizards. 453 00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:27,332 [gasping] 454 00:19:27,749 --> 00:19:29,376 I said relinquish. 455 00:19:29,793 --> 00:19:32,880 -Aah! -[both grunting] 456 00:19:32,963 --> 00:19:34,798 -[Marge gasps] -[grunting continues] 457 00:19:34,882 --> 00:19:35,966 -Uhh! -Oh! 458 00:19:36,675 --> 00:19:37,718 Oh, no! 459 00:19:40,554 --> 00:19:42,181 You killed 'em! [groans] 460 00:19:42,264 --> 00:19:44,391 Good riddance to bad lizards. 461 00:19:49,771 --> 00:19:53,317 Hmm? Hey! Whoa! Look at 'em! 462 00:19:53,984 --> 00:19:56,195 Go, chirpy boy! Go, Bart Junior! 463 00:19:56,278 --> 00:19:57,779 Oh, nuts! 464 00:19:57,863 --> 00:19:59,114 Wow! Did you know they had 465 00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:00,908 those webbed flaps for gliding? 466 00:20:00,991 --> 00:20:03,660 Yes. But I was hoping they didn't know that. 467 00:20:09,499 --> 00:20:11,919 Well, I hope you're happy, Bart. 468 00:20:12,252 --> 00:20:14,671 You have no idea what kind of plague 469 00:20:14,755 --> 00:20:16,381 you've unleashed upon this town. 470 00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:19,551 Our top story, 471 00:20:19,635 --> 00:20:21,261 The population of parasitic 472 00:20:21,345 --> 00:20:23,472 tree lizards has exploded 473 00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:26,099 and local citizens couldn't be happier. 474 00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:27,893 It seems the rapacious reptiles 475 00:20:27,976 --> 00:20:30,020 have developed a taste for the common pigeon, 476 00:20:30,103 --> 00:20:33,273 also known as the feathered rat, or gutter bird. 477 00:20:33,357 --> 00:20:36,318 For the first time, citizens need not fear harassment 478 00:20:36,401 --> 00:20:38,987 by flocks of chattering disease-bags. 479 00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:46,161 For decimating our pigeon population 480 00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:48,872 and making Springfield a less oppressive place 481 00:20:48,956 --> 00:20:51,083 to while away our worthless lives, 482 00:20:51,458 --> 00:20:55,003 I present you with this scented candle. 483 00:20:55,337 --> 00:20:57,297 [all cheering] 484 00:20:57,381 --> 00:20:58,715 Yeah! All right! 485 00:20:59,132 --> 00:21:02,469 Well, I was wrong. The lizards are a godsend! 486 00:21:02,552 --> 00:21:04,304 But isn't that a bit shortsighted? 487 00:21:04,388 --> 00:21:06,890 What happens when we're overrun by lizards? 488 00:21:06,974 --> 00:21:09,559 No problem. We simply unleash wave after wave 489 00:21:09,643 --> 00:21:12,437 of Chinese needle snakes. They'll wipe out the lizards. 490 00:21:12,521 --> 00:21:14,523 But aren't the snakes even worse? 491 00:21:14,606 --> 00:21:16,275 Yes, but we're prepared for that. 492 00:21:16,358 --> 00:21:18,277 We've lined up a fabulous type of gorilla 493 00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:19,611 that thrives on snake meat. 494 00:21:19,695 --> 00:21:21,154 But then we're stuck with gorillas! 495 00:21:21,238 --> 00:21:22,823 No, that's the beautiful part. 496 00:21:22,906 --> 00:21:24,283 When wintertime rolls around, 497 00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:26,034 the gorillas simply freeze to death. 498 00:21:26,827 --> 00:21:27,911 Hmm. 499 00:21:28,870 --> 00:21:30,664 I'm proud of you, boy. 500 00:21:31,206 --> 00:21:34,668 [sniffs] Mmm. Loganberry. 501 00:21:36,169 --> 00:21:37,296 I don't get it, Bart. 502 00:21:37,379 --> 00:21:38,630 You got upset when you killed 503 00:21:38,714 --> 00:21:40,173 one bird, but now you've killed 504 00:21:40,257 --> 00:21:41,466 tens of thousands, 505 00:21:41,550 --> 00:21:43,051 and it doesn't bother you at all. 506 00:21:43,427 --> 00:21:45,220 Hey, you're right. 507 00:21:45,804 --> 00:21:48,056 -I call the front seat! -You had it on the way over! 508 00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:49,975 -Hey! -[both grunting] 509 00:21:50,058 --> 00:21:52,728 BART: Out of my way! Oww! 510 00:21:59,818 --> 00:22:00,986 (theme music playign) 511 00:22:39,441 --> 00:22:40,984 -(murmuring) -Shh! 512 00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:46,365 {\an8}Captioned by Visual Data Media Services