1 00:00:01,918 --> 00:00:03,128 (theme music playing) 2 00:00:03,211 --> 00:00:06,506 CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 3 00:00:16,891 --> 00:00:18,685 (bell ringing) 4 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,066 (whistle blows) 5 00:00:29,904 --> 00:00:30,989 (beeping) 6 00:00:34,784 --> 00:00:36,995 (playing the blues) 7 00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:47,964 (tires screeching) 8 00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,393 (honking horn) 9 00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:01,936 (tires screeching) 10 00:01:04,272 --> 00:01:06,066 D-oh! (screams) 11 00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:07,776 (tires screeching) 12 00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:11,863 (hums) 13 00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:25,835 {\an8}Hey, Bart-Bart, looks like a beautiful day 14 00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:28,046 {\an8}to swipe some picnic baskets. 15 00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:32,092 {\an8}But Homie, Ranger Ned's not going to like that. 16 00:01:32,175 --> 00:01:34,094 {\an8}I'll handle Ranger Ned. 17 00:01:34,177 --> 00:01:37,597 {\an8}After all, I'm smarter than the average bear. 18 00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:40,350 {\an8}Well, hello there, how-diddily 'Omi. 19 00:01:40,433 --> 00:01:42,352 {\an8}Well, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you 20 00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:43,561 {\an8}to hand over that-- 21 00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:45,772 {\an8}-(yelling) -(screaming) 22 00:01:45,855 --> 00:01:48,733 {\an8}Gee, Homie, it's not very nice to maul Ranger Ned. 23 00:01:48,817 --> 00:01:50,652 {\an8}-You want some of this? -Uh-huh. 24 00:01:50,735 --> 00:01:53,571 {\an8}-(yelling) -(screaming) 25 00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:57,158 {\an8}BOTH: Dad! Dad, wake up! Wake up! 26 00:01:57,242 --> 00:02:01,037 {\an8}Oh! I was having the most wonderful dream. 27 00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,373 {\an8}I had a hat and a tie with no pants on. 28 00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:04,958 {\an8}Yeah, yeah. Anyway, you promised to 29 00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:06,167 {\an8}take us to the lake. 30 00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:07,585 {\an8}I promise you kids lots of things. 31 00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:09,671 {\an8}That's what makes me such a good father. 32 00:02:09,754 --> 00:02:11,965 {\an8}Actually keeping promises would make you a good father. 33 00:02:12,048 --> 00:02:13,466 {\an8}Now that would make me a great father. 34 00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:15,009 {\an8}So are we going to the lake or what? 35 00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:17,929 {\an8}Yes, we'll go to the darned lake! 36 00:02:18,012 --> 00:02:20,723 {\an8}Now go back to bed. It's 4:00 a.m. 37 00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:24,102 Ah, 4:00 a.m. Now I'll never get back to... 38 00:02:24,185 --> 00:02:25,520 (snoring) 39 00:02:25,603 --> 00:02:28,481 ♪ Magilla gorilla Gorilla for sale ♪ 40 00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:32,610 Hey, you shouldn't have oughta taken my banana, Mr. Peebles. 41 00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:34,571 (growling, yelling, hooting like monkey) 42 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:38,032 (tires screeching) 43 00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:43,329 Well, it looks like the lake is the place to be, huh? 44 00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:45,999 Well, if we'd left at 4:00 a.m., like I wanted to. 45 00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:48,293 Dad, you really should be watching the road. 46 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,296 Hey, Homer, enough traffic for you? 47 00:02:51,379 --> 00:02:53,131 Homer, your spine! 48 00:02:53,214 --> 00:02:55,175 (dismissive snort) 49 00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:56,926 Screw this. Hang on, everyone. 50 00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,970 We're taking the old Simpson shortcut. 51 00:02:59,053 --> 00:03:01,514 -(tires screeching) -So long, suckers! 52 00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:03,057 (screaming) 53 00:03:04,058 --> 00:03:07,270 (chuckling) Eat my dust, suckers! 54 00:03:07,353 --> 00:03:09,647 MARGE: Stop calling everyone suckers. 55 00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:12,317 (Homer hums) 56 00:03:12,650 --> 00:03:13,651 Hmm. 57 00:03:14,944 --> 00:03:16,154 Ah, pesticides. 58 00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:19,157 Carbomate, if I'm not mistaken. 59 00:03:20,408 --> 00:03:21,534 Yep, carbomate. 60 00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:23,620 -MARGE: Tree! -HOMER: Right here! 61 00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:27,874 Hmm, this is such a secluded area. 62 00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:30,585 I wonder who lives in that house? 63 00:03:30,668 --> 00:03:32,921 HOMER: Well, way out in the sticks like this, 64 00:03:33,004 --> 00:03:34,839 it could only be hillbillies. 65 00:03:34,923 --> 00:03:37,050 So I suppose that's a hillbilly Jacuzzi? 66 00:03:37,133 --> 00:03:39,844 Yep. That's where they cook up their vittles. 67 00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:44,265 (grunts) 68 00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:47,977 (chuckles) 69 00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:49,812 Hey, here come the Simpsons. 70 00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:51,314 Now, be careful, Homer. 71 00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:54,025 There's a fella in the sand right in front of you. 72 00:03:54,108 --> 00:03:55,902 (yells) 73 00:03:57,111 --> 00:03:59,072 OK, remember where we parked. 74 00:03:59,155 --> 00:04:01,241 MAN: Homer? Is that my muffler? 75 00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:04,744 There you go, and I assume you've read the boat safety manual? 76 00:04:04,827 --> 00:04:06,412 Oh, yeah, couldn't put it down. 77 00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:08,206 Come on, boy. Let's get me a six-pack. 78 00:04:08,289 --> 00:04:11,501 Uh, sir, you can't operate a boat under the influence of alcohol. 79 00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:13,753 Oh, that sounds like a wager to me. 80 00:04:14,462 --> 00:04:15,964 -Life jackets? -Check. 81 00:04:16,047 --> 00:04:17,590 -Tow rope? -Secure. 82 00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:19,259 -Skier? -Ready. 83 00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:20,677 Here we go! 84 00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:22,303 She's down. 85 00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:25,765 Oh, look at it go. 86 00:04:25,848 --> 00:04:26,849 Stay there, honey! 87 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:28,309 We'll come back for you! 88 00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:34,190 (screams) 89 00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:37,652 (gasps) 90 00:04:37,735 --> 00:04:39,570 -How's he doing? -I don't know. 91 00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:42,156 I think Dad might be a little heavy for parasailing. 92 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:43,783 Faster, Marge. Faster! 93 00:04:43,866 --> 00:04:45,535 The snapping turtles are massing! 94 00:04:46,744 --> 00:04:48,204 -Heads up. Coming through. -(kid crying) 95 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:50,581 Look out! Hey, volleyball. Can I play later? 96 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,584 -Hi, Apu. -Oh, dear! 97 00:04:53,668 --> 00:04:56,629 You've ruined my work, you flying fat man! 98 00:04:56,713 --> 00:04:58,423 -Oh! -Ooh! Ooh! 99 00:04:58,506 --> 00:05:00,383 -Hey! -(sputtering) 100 00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:02,593 -Hey! -(relieved sigh) 101 00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:07,348 Step on it, Mom! Dad's signaling that he wants to go higher! 102 00:05:07,932 --> 00:05:09,350 HOMER: Higher. 103 00:05:10,601 --> 00:05:12,645 (spits) Bye-bye, fishes. 104 00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:15,356 Higher! Higher! 105 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:18,484 I'm soaring. Soaring majestically 106 00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:20,778 like a candy wrapper caught in an updraft. 107 00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:22,905 Higher, Marge! Higher! 108 00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:25,283 -It won't go any! -Higher, I say! 109 00:05:25,366 --> 00:05:28,244 I want to soar higher than any man has ever soared! 110 00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:31,164 I want to look down on the clouds with contempt! 111 00:05:31,247 --> 00:05:33,541 I want to sneer at God's creation 112 00:05:33,624 --> 00:05:35,668 and spit on it! Uh-oh. 113 00:05:38,046 --> 00:05:40,590 (whimpering) Lower! Lower! 114 00:05:40,673 --> 00:05:42,133 There goes my turn. 115 00:05:42,216 --> 00:05:45,136 (blubbering) 116 00:05:45,219 --> 00:05:47,889 Oh, this is not good. (whimpering) 117 00:05:48,639 --> 00:05:50,058 Oh, nuts. 118 00:05:50,141 --> 00:05:52,685 (yells) 119 00:05:53,853 --> 00:05:55,188 -(crash, thud) -(grunts) 120 00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:58,983 -(alarm sounds) -Huh, what? 121 00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:00,735 Oh, already? 122 00:06:01,152 --> 00:06:03,780 -KIM: Uh, what the hell? -Sorry, lady. 123 00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:06,532 (gasps) I know you. You're Kim "Bassinger." 124 00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:07,867 It's "Ba-singer." 125 00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:10,036 Oh, my God! I'm such a huge, huge fan 126 00:06:10,119 --> 00:06:11,287 of yours, Miss "Bassinger." 127 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:14,916 Thanks. Um, listen, you think you could slide over a little? 128 00:06:14,999 --> 00:06:17,210 Well, I am a married man. 129 00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:18,669 You're crushing my husband. 130 00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:20,421 (groans) 131 00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:22,340 (gasps) Billy Baldwin! 132 00:06:22,423 --> 00:06:24,801 I'm Alec Baldwin. Could you get off me? 133 00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:27,387 So what are you two kids doing in my neck of the woods? 134 00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:28,930 -Well... -Wait! 135 00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:31,682 Tell me over breakfast. Who's for pancakes? 136 00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:38,773 Are you sure you don't want to go the hospital, Mr. Simpson? 137 00:06:38,856 --> 00:06:40,566 You had an awful lot of glass in you. 138 00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:42,026 Oh, I don't want to be a bother. 139 00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:44,237 Anyway, what are you two big Hollywood stars 140 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:45,822 doing in good old Springfield? 141 00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:48,116 Oh, sometimes, we need to get away from Hollywood. 142 00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:50,034 LA is just so phony. 143 00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:52,745 Well, why didn't you just move to, say... Bethesda? 144 00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:53,746 Not phony enough. 145 00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:55,998 What we really like here is the privacy. 146 00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:58,459 Most people don't even know where Springfield is. 147 00:06:58,543 --> 00:07:01,587 Yeah. To tell you the truth, I'm not even sure. 148 00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:03,714 We're trying to keep a low profile. 149 00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:05,466 We don't even go to the supermarket. 150 00:07:05,550 --> 00:07:08,636 Yeah, we've been living off congratulatory muffin baskets. 151 00:07:09,345 --> 00:07:11,305 Blech! Zucchini. 152 00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:13,891 Don't just put that back in the basket. 153 00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:15,393 I'm going to eat it later. 154 00:07:15,476 --> 00:07:18,521 You shouldn't have to survive on dry, crumbly muffins from... 155 00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:20,314 the Gersh Agency. 156 00:07:20,398 --> 00:07:21,983 You should let me do your shopping. 157 00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:25,570 I know where I can get you some great muffins. 158 00:07:25,653 --> 00:07:27,280 No more muffins. 159 00:07:27,363 --> 00:07:30,283 OK, fine, but I could do all kinds of stuff for you. 160 00:07:30,366 --> 00:07:32,368 I noticed that skylight in your bedroom's broken. 161 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:35,455 Yeah, I'm not sure we need an assistant, Mr. Simpson. 162 00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:37,457 Please, Homer. 163 00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:41,127 Come on. If you let me hang around awhile, I can do all kinds of stuff for you. 164 00:07:41,210 --> 00:07:43,379 Well, we are down to our last roll of toilet paper. 165 00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:46,757 And I have been brushing my teeth with hair gel for a week. 166 00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:48,176 I suppose we could give it a try. 167 00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:49,969 Yeah. You owe me that much. 168 00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:53,014 OK, you're on, but look, nobody knows we're in Springfield, 169 00:07:53,097 --> 00:07:54,515 and we want to keep it that way. 170 00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:55,725 Will you promise to keep our secret? 171 00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:57,935 Absolutely, if you promise to keep mine. 172 00:07:58,019 --> 00:07:59,437 OK, what is it? 173 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:00,813 I can't read. 174 00:08:00,897 --> 00:08:03,608 But you just read that card from the Gersh Agency. 175 00:08:03,691 --> 00:08:05,485 I recognized the logo. 176 00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:08,863 (whistles) 177 00:08:08,946 --> 00:08:10,490 Homie, are you OK? 178 00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:13,493 We've been looking all over for you, Dad. Where did you land? 179 00:08:13,576 --> 00:08:14,827 Nowhere famous. 180 00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,872 -Where'd you get that muffin? -Gersh Agency. 181 00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:21,667 (tires screeching) 182 00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:27,215 Apu, I'm about to purchase some weird and fruity items, 183 00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:28,424 and I don't want any guff. 184 00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,510 First of all, I'll need the following mushrooms-- 185 00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:31,636 -Portobello. -Yes. 186 00:08:31,719 --> 00:08:32,637 -Porcini. -Right. 187 00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:33,846 -Chanterelle. -Uh-huh. 188 00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:34,931 And shiitake. 189 00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:36,724 OK, we have none of those. 190 00:08:36,807 --> 00:08:38,017 What is next? 191 00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:41,229 A gallon of wheat grass juice, a five-pound wad of tofu, 192 00:08:41,312 --> 00:08:43,481 some jellied zinc and a couple of pairs 193 00:08:43,564 --> 00:08:45,191 of $600 sunglasses. 194 00:08:45,274 --> 00:08:48,903 Mr. Simpson, these exotic items are suspiciously different 195 00:08:48,986 --> 00:08:51,781 from your usual order of beer and pork. What gives? 196 00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:55,409 Uh, nothing, nothing. I'm just broadening my horizons. 197 00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:59,205 Eh, by the way, do you have extra-wide bumper stickers for a Humvee? 198 00:09:01,290 --> 00:09:04,710 Wow! You got everything, Homer, even the Oscar polish! 199 00:09:08,422 --> 00:09:10,758 Honey, why don't you give that thing a rest? 200 00:09:10,841 --> 00:09:12,635 You're taking the finish off. 201 00:09:12,718 --> 00:09:15,221 When you win one, you can take care of it however you want. 202 00:09:16,138 --> 00:09:19,225 -Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Meow. -(doorbell rings) 203 00:09:19,308 --> 00:09:20,518 I'll get it! I'll get it! 204 00:09:22,478 --> 00:09:23,688 Yes? 205 00:09:23,771 --> 00:09:25,064 Hi, I'm Ron Howard. 206 00:09:25,147 --> 00:09:26,774 Ron Howard! 207 00:09:26,857 --> 00:09:29,443 Yeah, I'm looking for Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger. 208 00:09:30,444 --> 00:09:32,446 Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger? 209 00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:35,408 Oh, hey, Ron, we heard you were looking for a place in Springfield. 210 00:09:35,491 --> 00:09:38,786 Yeah, well, it's the only town in America that will let me fish with dynamite. 211 00:09:39,453 --> 00:09:40,955 Uh, what's with him? 212 00:09:41,038 --> 00:09:43,583 Oh, that's just Homer. He's a new friend of ours. 213 00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:47,211 Really? You giant stars consider me a friend? 214 00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:51,632 Well, for the first time in my life I feel like I'm somebody. 215 00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:54,427 Ronny, are you also my close friend? 216 00:09:54,510 --> 00:09:58,264 (sniffs) Do I smell vodka and wheat grass? 217 00:09:58,347 --> 00:10:00,808 It's called a lawnmower. I invented it. You want one? 218 00:10:01,183 --> 00:10:03,144 -Yeah, OK. -And I'll have a rum and zinc. 219 00:10:03,227 --> 00:10:04,812 Ooh, I'll have one of those, too. 220 00:10:04,895 --> 00:10:06,272 Hey, can I crash here tonight? 221 00:10:06,355 --> 00:10:08,816 Sure. We'll all stay. 222 00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:14,238 A cell phone? 223 00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:16,991 {\an8}Last Thursday's Variety ? 224 00:10:17,074 --> 00:10:19,619 {\an8}(whistles, gasps) 225 00:10:19,702 --> 00:10:21,495 {\an8}I'll do that. You go upstairs and have a beer. 226 00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:24,248 Homer, when did you become a member of PETA? 227 00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:27,168 Well, you know me, I love animals. 228 00:10:27,251 --> 00:10:29,337 Beef, chicken, veal. 229 00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:32,632 If you're not part of the solution, Marge, you're part of the problem. 230 00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:35,217 -But that's not what PETA stands-- -(phone ringing) 231 00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:37,178 -Imagine Films. -Huh? 232 00:10:37,595 --> 00:10:40,640 Uh, division of, um, Homerco. 233 00:10:41,098 --> 00:10:42,975 And lift and strain 234 00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:45,061 -and hyper-extend. -(groans) 235 00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:48,856 Keep those knees rigid. Jerk that lower back. 236 00:10:48,939 --> 00:10:51,567 Homer, I'm feeling some sharp pains in my neck. 237 00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:53,819 {\an8}That's right. Force it. Whip that neck! 238 00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:56,656 Um, does anybody know where this came from? 239 00:10:56,739 --> 00:11:01,077 Oh, there's that movie script I wrote! (chuckles) 240 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,953 Where did you find it? 241 00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:03,913 On my pillow. 242 00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:05,456 The important thing is 243 00:11:05,539 --> 00:11:08,167 it's got the perfect part for you. Either one of you. 244 00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:10,711 It's about a killer robot driving instructor 245 00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:13,756 who travels back in time for some reason. 246 00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:15,675 Ron Howard's attached to direct. 247 00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:17,968 -I am not. -Well, he expressed an interest. 248 00:11:18,052 --> 00:11:19,553 -No, I didn't. -Did, too. 249 00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:21,722 -I did not! -You lie! 250 00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:25,017 Yeah, Homer, um, most movie scripts are 120 pages. 251 00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:28,270 This is only 17, and several of the pages 252 00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:30,022 are just drawings of the time machine. 253 00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:32,775 So you're saying you don't want to star in my movie? 254 00:11:32,858 --> 00:11:33,859 I'm sorry, Homer. 255 00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:36,278 Well, if Alec is out, I'm out, too. 256 00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:37,363 You're on your own, potsie. 257 00:11:38,322 --> 00:11:40,783 The Terminizor: An Erotic Thriller. 258 00:11:40,866 --> 00:11:42,827 (laughter) 259 00:11:42,910 --> 00:11:46,038 So I'm in the grocery store the other day, buying some cotton balls. 260 00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:47,039 The absorbent kind? 261 00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:49,083 (chuckles) You got that right, my friend. 262 00:11:49,166 --> 00:11:50,167 (cheering) 263 00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:52,962 So, I round the corner and I head down the ointment aisle, 264 00:11:53,045 --> 00:11:54,505 when who should I spot? 265 00:11:54,588 --> 00:11:56,924 None other than Kent Brockman. 266 00:11:57,007 --> 00:12:00,094 The local news guy? Mr. Channel Six? 267 00:12:00,177 --> 00:12:02,638 -(all gasp) -My God! What I'd give to meet him. 268 00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,682 Ah, they don't come much bigger than that. 269 00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:07,685 (blows raspberry) Kent Brockman. Please! 270 00:12:07,768 --> 00:12:10,312 Oh, what. I suppose you've seen a bigger star? 271 00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:12,231 I might have. 272 00:12:12,314 --> 00:12:13,899 Come on, make with a name. 273 00:12:13,983 --> 00:12:17,403 Oh, I can't. I promised I wouldn't. 274 00:12:17,486 --> 00:12:19,572 Oh, yeah, right. You ain't seen nobody. 275 00:12:19,655 --> 00:12:22,450 (laughter, chatter) 276 00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:24,368 Please don't tell anyone we're here. 277 00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:26,495 You've got to keep our secret, Homer. 278 00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:28,581 Homer, we're out of vodka. 279 00:12:29,039 --> 00:12:30,291 Tell the people, Homer. 280 00:12:30,374 --> 00:12:33,252 They have a right to know about the celebrity summer house. 281 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,629 -Who the hell are you? -What do you care? 282 00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:37,214 I'm telling you what you want to hear. 283 00:12:38,048 --> 00:12:40,634 All right, I'm going to let you guys in on something, 284 00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:44,805 but you've got to keep it much more secret than I did. 285 00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:46,223 (grunts) 286 00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:48,768 -(grunts) -(grunts) 287 00:12:49,226 --> 00:12:52,313 Yes! In your freckled face, Howard! 288 00:12:54,064 --> 00:12:55,399 (mutters) Unbelievable. 289 00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:57,860 -What? -Nothing, nothing. Good hustle. 290 00:13:01,739 --> 00:13:03,032 My God! The lemonade! 291 00:13:03,407 --> 00:13:04,658 Look at the lemonade! 292 00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:09,121 -(rumbling) -Uh-oh. 293 00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:11,290 (rumbling) 294 00:13:11,373 --> 00:13:14,668 (clamoring) 295 00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:16,670 Quick! Everybody inside. 296 00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:21,926 The shuttlecock! Where's the shuttlecock? 297 00:13:22,009 --> 00:13:23,636 (clamoring) 298 00:13:23,719 --> 00:13:25,304 -(gasping) -(door shuts) 299 00:13:25,387 --> 00:13:30,643 (clamoring) 300 00:13:30,726 --> 00:13:33,896 Yeah, I loved Splash , Mr. Howard. 301 00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:35,898 It was totally, uh... 302 00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:37,608 (grunts) 303 00:13:37,691 --> 00:13:39,276 Uh, Miss Basinger, those red pumps you wore 304 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:40,903 in LA Confidential were fabulous. 305 00:13:40,986 --> 00:13:43,405 Where could I get a pair for my, uh, mother? 306 00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:45,241 -She wears a 12, double "E." -Alec, Alec! 307 00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:46,867 Regarding that so-called 308 00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:49,829 silent propulsion system in The Hunt For Red October, 309 00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:54,208 I printed out a list of technical errors, which I think you'd enjoy discussing. 310 00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:58,504 Somebody must have told them we live here. 311 00:13:58,587 --> 00:14:00,506 I'm looking at you, horshack. 312 00:14:00,589 --> 00:14:02,842 Homer, how could you? 313 00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:05,845 OK, OK, it was me. I'm sorry, I blew your secret, 314 00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:07,972 but you don't know what it's like to be a nobody. 315 00:14:08,055 --> 00:14:11,100 I just wanted to bask in your reflected glory. 316 00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:13,477 Reflected glory! 317 00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:16,146 Homer, you betrayed our confidence. 318 00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:19,358 I just don't think we can be friends anymore. 319 00:14:19,441 --> 00:14:21,902 But... Where will I bask? 320 00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:23,487 Anywhere but here. 321 00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:26,198 Come on, Ron, we're not wanted here. 322 00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:29,493 All right, I'll go. 323 00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:30,870 But the next time you want someone 324 00:14:30,953 --> 00:14:33,372 to remind you which brother is which 325 00:14:33,455 --> 00:14:34,707 or smell your hair 326 00:14:34,790 --> 00:14:35,875 -while you're sleeping... -(gasps) 327 00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:39,837 ...just remember, old Homer won't be here anymore. 328 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:41,380 (people clamoring) 329 00:14:41,463 --> 00:14:43,966 Wait a minute. Somebody's coming out. 330 00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:45,593 Who is it? Is it anybody? 331 00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:47,595 Nah, nah. It's nobody. 332 00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:49,763 Throw your stones. It's nobody. 333 00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:54,018 (clamoring) 334 00:14:58,355 --> 00:15:02,359 Oh, how could Alec and Kim just cut me out of their lives? 335 00:15:02,776 --> 00:15:05,029 Homie, you haven't touched your food. 336 00:15:06,655 --> 00:15:10,701 Oh, when Kim makes a manwich, she uses focaccia bread. 337 00:15:10,784 --> 00:15:12,912 And would it kill you to put some fennel in it? 338 00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:14,955 Alec Baldwin? Wow! 339 00:15:15,039 --> 00:15:17,583 That is the coolest person you've ever been fired by. 340 00:15:17,666 --> 00:15:18,792 What was it like at their house? 341 00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:20,669 Oh, it was so great. 342 00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:22,421 I didn't have to fake it with them. 343 00:15:22,504 --> 00:15:25,174 I was actually excited to hear about their day. 344 00:15:25,257 --> 00:15:26,675 I washed the dog today. 345 00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,510 Was it the dog from the Beethoven movies? 346 00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:29,595 Of course not. 347 00:15:29,678 --> 00:15:32,097 Oh! Our dog isn't famous, 348 00:15:32,181 --> 00:15:34,850 and you kids aren't exactly John and Joan Cusack. 349 00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:38,187 And you, you couldn't open a movie if your life depended on it. 350 00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:40,481 I'm about ready to ankle this family. 351 00:15:40,564 --> 00:15:44,318 "Ankle"? "Focaccia"? What are you talking about? 352 00:15:44,401 --> 00:15:48,155 See? It's like we don't even speak the same language anymore! 353 00:15:48,238 --> 00:15:51,784 The only one who understands me is that guy who married Martha Raye. 354 00:15:51,867 --> 00:15:52,993 Don't blame us, Dad. 355 00:15:53,077 --> 00:15:54,787 The celebrities are the ones who canned you. 356 00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:57,873 Hmm, she may not be famous, but she's right. 357 00:15:57,957 --> 00:16:00,960 Those big-shot stars used me up and spit me out! 358 00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:03,420 I did their laundry, got their pictures developed, 359 00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:05,047 took their garbage to the dump, 360 00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:08,467 and I still got a car full of their crap. 361 00:16:09,343 --> 00:16:11,136 Crap, eh? 362 00:16:15,432 --> 00:16:18,227 Hey, is it too late to see the movie stars? 363 00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:20,854 Nah, nah, just hop that fence, 364 00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:23,232 sneak up and, uh, peek in the window there. 365 00:16:23,315 --> 00:16:24,358 All right. 366 00:16:24,942 --> 00:16:26,276 (grunts) 367 00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:29,321 (laughs) I never get tired of that. 368 00:16:30,447 --> 00:16:33,033 HOMER: Attention, star-struck fools! 369 00:16:34,076 --> 00:16:36,912 Step right up and see the world's greatest mobile collection 370 00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:39,957 of Alec and Ron and Kim-orabilia. 371 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:41,375 (clamoring) 372 00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:43,210 Only five... No, wait. Ten dollars. 373 00:16:43,293 --> 00:16:45,462 You heard right, $20! 374 00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:46,588 (clamoring) 375 00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:51,093 (indistinct chatter) 376 00:16:51,719 --> 00:16:54,471 Hey, it's Alec Baldwin's MedicAlert bracelet! 377 00:16:54,555 --> 00:16:58,183 That's right. Mr. Tough Guy can't handle a little penicillin. 378 00:16:58,267 --> 00:16:59,184 Oh, and look at this. 379 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,311 We can't even pay our bills 380 00:17:01,395 --> 00:17:05,357 and they're drinking (mocking) Royal Crown Cola. 381 00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:08,027 Hey, hey, go easy on the celebrities, eh? 382 00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:09,778 -Yeah, what gives you the right? -Yeah. 383 00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:11,321 We love celebrities. 384 00:17:11,405 --> 00:17:13,866 Oh, yeah? What have they ever done for you? 385 00:17:13,949 --> 00:17:17,661 When was the last time Barbra Streisand cleaned out your garage? 386 00:17:18,078 --> 00:17:22,249 And when it's time to do the dishes, where's Ray Bolger? 387 00:17:22,332 --> 00:17:27,421 I'll tell you, Ray Bolger is looking out for Ray Bolger! 388 00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:31,300 KIM: Oh, look. 389 00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:33,135 {\an8}Wasn't that a fun weekend? 390 00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:35,971 {\an8}Yeah. Homer was a pretty good guy, 391 00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:38,807 {\an8}and we just tossed him out like a Golden Globe award. 392 00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:42,061 {\an8}I've got to admit, I miss the way he used to tuck us in 393 00:17:42,144 --> 00:17:44,438 {\an8}-and kiss us on the forehead. -Forehead? 394 00:17:44,521 --> 00:17:46,940 Ah, maybe I should have made his movie. 395 00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:48,734 Yeah, it wasn't that bad. 396 00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:52,654 I mean, the script might even work if you got rid of the talking pie. 397 00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:54,948 What, are you crazy? It's a buddy picture. 398 00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:56,116 Without the pie, 399 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,035 it would just be me on screen for two hours. 400 00:17:58,118 --> 00:17:59,578 Oh, yeah, and you'd hate that. 401 00:17:59,661 --> 00:18:01,371 No, no, no. You can't lose the pie. 402 00:18:01,455 --> 00:18:02,998 The pie is your heart. 403 00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:05,250 {\an8}OK, OK. Keep the damn pie. 404 00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:08,003 {\an8}The point is, we weren't fair to Homer. 405 00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:11,006 He screwed up, but he deserves another chance. 406 00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,674 Yeah, everyone makes mistakes. 407 00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:16,762 I mean, we'd want another chance if one of us ever made a bad film, right? 408 00:18:27,815 --> 00:18:30,400 I'm really looking forward to seeing Homer again. 409 00:18:30,734 --> 00:18:33,278 He always has the most interesting odors. 410 00:18:34,571 --> 00:18:36,615 Ooh, look at me! 411 00:18:36,698 --> 00:18:39,910 I'm Kim Basinger, the big movie star. 412 00:18:39,993 --> 00:18:43,413 I'm so beautiful. I think I'm so great. 413 00:18:43,497 --> 00:18:46,291 I'm too important to take Homer to the Oscars. 414 00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:47,835 -What the-- -(grunts) 415 00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:50,087 And to think we were supporting the museum of Hollywood jerks. 416 00:18:50,587 --> 00:18:51,713 (tires screeching) 417 00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:52,798 Let's get him. 418 00:18:52,881 --> 00:18:55,217 And this time, it's personal. 419 00:18:56,051 --> 00:18:57,594 What? It is personal. 420 00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:00,430 He's got our underpants! 421 00:19:00,514 --> 00:19:03,100 (tires screeching) 422 00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:06,687 (horn honking) 423 00:19:06,770 --> 00:19:08,564 I'll never outrun them in a museum! 424 00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:11,191 -Pull over, you maniac! -No! 425 00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:14,194 Just jump over there, Alec. It's not that far. 426 00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:16,363 Yeah, you're a big screen tough guy. 427 00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:17,781 Gee, I'd love to, 428 00:19:17,865 --> 00:19:19,575 but I'm not really wearing the right shoes. 429 00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:22,703 (imitating a chicken) 430 00:19:22,786 --> 00:19:23,829 Fine. 431 00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:28,375 -(grunts) -(shrieks) 432 00:19:29,626 --> 00:19:30,627 {\an8}(laughs) 433 00:19:30,711 --> 00:19:32,713 {\an8}Hey, I made it all by myself. 434 00:19:32,796 --> 00:19:34,590 Hey, were you watching, sweetheart? I made it! 435 00:19:34,673 --> 00:19:36,133 -(thud) -(grunts) 436 00:19:36,216 --> 00:19:38,468 {\an8}(yells) My watch is caught! 437 00:19:38,552 --> 00:19:39,761 Oh, for the love of... 438 00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:42,598 Hold on. Can you drive? 439 00:19:42,681 --> 00:19:45,434 Not well, but I'll give it a shot. 440 00:19:48,770 --> 00:19:49,855 -(grunts) -(rattling) 441 00:19:49,938 --> 00:19:51,273 Oh, God! 442 00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:55,527 (screaming) 443 00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:57,571 (grunting) 444 00:19:58,197 --> 00:19:59,323 I guess it's up to me. 445 00:20:00,908 --> 00:20:02,159 (sighs) 446 00:20:02,826 --> 00:20:03,994 (groaning) 447 00:20:04,077 --> 00:20:05,621 BOTH: Ron! 448 00:20:06,830 --> 00:20:08,874 You killed Ron Howard! 449 00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:10,250 OK, I'll stop. 450 00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:13,503 (gavel banging) 451 00:20:16,131 --> 00:20:19,468 Mr. Simpson, do you have anything to say for yourself? 452 00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:20,594 Yes, I do. 453 00:20:20,677 --> 00:20:23,555 I believe that famous people have a debt to everyone. 454 00:20:23,639 --> 00:20:26,266 If celebrities didn't want people pawing through their garbage 455 00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:27,517 and saying they're gay, 456 00:20:27,935 --> 00:20:31,146 they shouldn't have tried to express themselves creatively. 457 00:20:33,273 --> 00:20:34,316 In closing, 458 00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:36,318 you people must realize 459 00:20:36,401 --> 00:20:38,403 that the public owns you for life. 460 00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:39,738 And when you're dead, 461 00:20:39,821 --> 00:20:41,740 you'll all be in commercials, 462 00:20:41,823 --> 00:20:43,742 dancing with vacuum cleaners. 463 00:20:44,159 --> 00:20:46,078 Thank you, your honor. 464 00:20:46,161 --> 00:20:49,623 Mr. Simpson, you are forbidden to come within 500 miles 465 00:20:49,706 --> 00:20:52,167 of any celebrity, living or dead. 466 00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:53,919 -(gavel banging) -Whoo-hoo! 467 00:20:55,504 --> 00:20:57,881 Well, I'll always have my crank calls. 468 00:20:57,965 --> 00:20:59,925 (phone dialing) 469 00:21:00,008 --> 00:21:02,135 Hello, old lady from Titanic ? 470 00:21:02,219 --> 00:21:05,389 You stink! (laughing) 471 00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:12,187 And it grows to a powerful, emotional climax 472 00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:14,147 when the father has to choose 473 00:21:14,231 --> 00:21:16,400 which one of his children will live, 474 00:21:17,609 --> 00:21:20,654 and which one... will die. 475 00:21:21,238 --> 00:21:23,323 -Pass. -(sobbing) 476 00:21:23,407 --> 00:21:24,408 What else you got? 477 00:21:24,491 --> 00:21:25,826 Uh... 478 00:21:26,326 --> 00:21:28,203 Well, well, there is this one thing. 479 00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:30,872 It's about a killer robot driving instructor 480 00:21:30,956 --> 00:21:33,417 that travels back in time for some reason. 481 00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:34,459 I'm listening. 482 00:21:34,543 --> 00:21:36,503 OK, OK, well, you see, 483 00:21:36,586 --> 00:21:40,048 this robot, he's got a heartbreaking decision to make 484 00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:42,175 about whether his best friend lives... 485 00:21:42,801 --> 00:21:44,177 or dies. 486 00:21:44,511 --> 00:21:45,804 Eh. 487 00:21:45,887 --> 00:21:47,180 His best friend's a talking pie. 488 00:21:48,056 --> 00:21:50,851 Sold! Howard, you've done it again. 489 00:21:50,934 --> 00:21:53,228 ♪ These happy days Are yours and mine ♪ 490 00:21:53,312 --> 00:21:55,731 ♪ These happy days Are yours and mine ♪ 491 00:21:55,814 --> 00:21:56,898 ♪ Happy days ♪ 492 00:21:58,358 --> 00:22:00,319 (theme music playing) 493 00:22:37,606 --> 00:22:38,648 Shh. 494 00:22:39,316 --> 00:22:40,859 Homer, we're out of vodka. 495 00:22:41,818 --> 00:22:43,820 {\an8}Captioned by Visual Data Media Services