1 00:00:02,961 --> 00:00:06,506 CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:11,094 (theme music playing) 3 00:00:16,891 --> 00:00:18,810 (bell ringing) 4 00:00:23,398 --> 00:00:25,025 (whistle blows) 5 00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:30,989 (beeping) 6 00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:40,832 (playing the blues) 7 00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:47,380 (tires screeching) 8 00:00:47,464 --> 00:00:48,423 (clanks) 9 00:00:53,094 --> 00:00:55,180 (tires screeching) 10 00:00:58,224 --> 00:00:59,809 (honking horn) 11 00:01:00,685 --> 00:01:01,811 (tires screeching) 12 00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:07,734 -D'oh! (screams) -(tires screeching) 13 00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:11,821 ALL: (screaming) 14 00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:27,420 {\an8}♪ O'er the land of the free ♪ 15 00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:31,591 ♪ And the home ♪ 16 00:01:32,133 --> 00:01:33,635 {\an8}♪ Home of the brave ♪ 17 00:01:33,718 --> 00:01:36,971 {\an8}♪ Oh, America's The home of the brave ♪ 18 00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:40,016 {\an8}♪ The brave, America the brave ♪ 19 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,351 {\an8}♪ The brave ♪ 20 00:01:41,434 --> 00:01:44,187 {\an8}♪ Home of the brave ♪ 21 00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:45,730 {\an8}Thank you, Springfield! 22 00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:47,607 {\an8}I love you! Peace! 23 00:01:47,690 --> 00:01:50,235 {\an8}CONROY: Thank you, Cyndi Lauper. 24 00:01:50,318 --> 00:01:53,446 {\an8}Just a reminder, folks. We do have a baseball game today. 25 00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:54,656 {\an8}-MAN: All right. -(chuckles) 26 00:01:54,739 --> 00:01:56,032 {\an8}I am Dennis Conroy, 27 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:58,701 {\an8}and here come your Isotopes! 28 00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:01,663 {\an8}-CROWD: (booing) -(all gasping) 29 00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:04,165 {\an8}Let's welcome two new additions to the team, 30 00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:06,835 {\an8}Smash Diggins and Fishbone Walker. 31 00:02:06,918 --> 00:02:08,670 {\an8}Lucky for us, they were sent down 32 00:02:08,753 --> 00:02:10,964 from the Majors for drug violations. 33 00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:12,841 (crowd cheering) 34 00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:16,594 {\an8}Oh, stupid Isotopes. 35 00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:19,597 {\an8}Hurry up and lose so we can get out of here! 36 00:02:19,681 --> 00:02:22,058 {\an8}Why do you hate the Isotopes so much, Dad? 37 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:24,811 {\an8}Because I loved them once and they broke my heart. 38 00:02:24,894 --> 00:02:26,604 {\an8}Let that be a lesson to you, sweetie. 39 00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:28,022 {\an8}Never love anything. 40 00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:30,400 {\an8}-Even you? -Especially me. 41 00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:32,068 {\an8}But you've got to support the team, Dad. 42 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:34,404 {\an8}They're already threatening to move to Moose Jaw. 43 00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:35,530 {\an8}That's right. 44 00:02:35,613 --> 00:02:36,698 {\an8}Like my mother always said, 45 00:02:36,781 --> 00:02:37,949 {\an8}"You've got to stick it out 46 00:02:38,032 --> 00:02:39,409 {\an8}even if you picked a loser..." 47 00:02:40,910 --> 00:02:42,745 {\an8}-Hmm. -"...to the bitter end." 48 00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:45,081 {\an8}CONROY: First pitch of the game. 49 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:46,499 {\an8}(screams) 50 00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:47,667 {\an8}That's a rotator cuff. 51 00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:48,835 {\an8}His career is over. 52 00:02:48,918 --> 00:02:50,086 {\an8}I'm going to warm up the car. 53 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,713 {\an8}But there's only been one pitch. 54 00:02:51,796 --> 00:02:53,131 {\an8}And it sucked. 55 00:02:53,214 --> 00:02:54,257 CONROY: Bases loaded, 56 00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:55,758 two outs, bottom of the ninth, 57 00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:57,552 and it's do or die. 58 00:02:57,635 --> 00:02:58,803 HOMER (singing): ♪ Hitler is a jerk ♪ 59 00:02:58,887 --> 00:02:59,888 ♪ Mussolini ♪ 60 00:02:59,971 --> 00:03:02,473 {\an8}That'll bring up Babe Ruth IV. 61 00:03:02,557 --> 00:03:04,309 {\an8}'Course, he's no Babe Ruth III, 62 00:03:04,392 --> 00:03:06,811 {\an8}but the franchise is very excited 63 00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:10,190 about this illegitimate great grand bambino! 64 00:03:10,273 --> 00:03:11,941 And... what's this? 65 00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,235 He's pointing to the right field bleachers, 66 00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:16,487 probably at a dying little boy. 67 00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:19,991 -Mom, am I dying? -No, of course not. 68 00:03:20,074 --> 00:03:22,952 -Is he, Mom? You can tell me. -No. 69 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,829 CONROY: Now he's pointing to the ground. 70 00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:28,041 Is he indicating a bunt? Yes, he's bunting! 71 00:03:28,124 --> 00:03:31,002 (crowd booing) 72 00:03:31,085 --> 00:03:32,629 MARGE: Good hustle, kid! 73 00:03:32,712 --> 00:03:34,756 HOMER (singing): ♪ No, it doesn't work ♪ 74 00:03:34,839 --> 00:03:36,883 So who won? The losers? 75 00:03:36,966 --> 00:03:38,218 No, they lost. 76 00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:40,220 (chuckling) Losers. 77 00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:42,555 But only by two points, and they didn't resort 78 00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:44,307 to stealing bases like the other team, 79 00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:46,100 so it's kind of a moral victory. 80 00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:47,769 With a little middle relief, 81 00:03:47,852 --> 00:03:49,354 they might even make the playoffs! 82 00:03:49,437 --> 00:03:51,522 You'll be in your cold, cold grave 83 00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:52,899 before that ever happens. 84 00:03:52,982 --> 00:03:53,900 Homer, would you please 85 00:03:53,983 --> 00:03:56,819 stop talking about the childrens' graves? 86 00:03:58,196 --> 00:04:01,241 (loud chatter, cheering) 87 00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:02,450 -MAN: Whoo! -(grunts) 88 00:04:02,533 --> 00:04:03,660 What's the hubbub? 89 00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:05,328 Did Moe finally blow his brains out? 90 00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:07,163 Quiet! We're watching the Isotopes! 91 00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:10,166 {\an8}Shut it off. They're losers. 92 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,252 Where you been? The Isotopes are on fire. 93 00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:14,462 Yeah. That sniper at the all-star game 94 00:04:14,545 --> 00:04:16,256 was a blessing in disguise. 95 00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:18,216 Now we're in the championship game. 96 00:04:18,299 --> 00:04:20,051 Championship? Hmm. 97 00:04:22,136 --> 00:04:24,097 Whoo! 'Topes rule! 98 00:04:25,765 --> 00:04:27,100 Well, here's a die-hard fan. 99 00:04:27,183 --> 00:04:28,434 Sir, your beloved Isotopes 100 00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:29,852 are about to make history. 101 00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:30,979 Any thoughts? 102 00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:32,730 Ah! It's a great team, Kent. 103 00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:33,982 They never gave up hope. 104 00:04:34,315 --> 00:04:35,817 I want to thank Jesus 105 00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:38,152 and say "Hi" to my special lady, Marge. 106 00:04:38,569 --> 00:04:41,739 We did it, baby! Whoo! Whoo! 107 00:04:41,823 --> 00:04:43,533 The inspiring words of a fan 108 00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:46,995 who'll always root, root, root for the home team, 109 00:04:47,078 --> 00:04:48,454 even if they lose this game. 110 00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:50,331 They lost? Those losers! 111 00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:52,458 No, no, no. The game's not over. 112 00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:55,253 Whoo! Not over! Whoo! 113 00:04:55,336 --> 00:04:57,588 There you have it. Whoo! 114 00:04:58,423 --> 00:05:01,134 (all cheering) 115 00:05:01,217 --> 00:05:03,052 CONROY: Bottom of the ninth, two outs. 116 00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,846 It all comes down to this. 117 00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:06,597 And here's the pitch. 118 00:05:07,181 --> 00:05:10,560 Humping Hesus. He got all of that one. 119 00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:14,230 It's going... going... going. 120 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,691 Our technical director today was Stan Kadlubowski. 121 00:05:16,774 --> 00:05:19,277 It's out of here! 'Topes win! 122 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:25,199 -(all cheering) -Isotopes! Come on! 123 00:05:25,283 --> 00:05:28,244 (cheering continues) 124 00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:29,996 (sighs) Nobody touched my rumaki. 125 00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:31,914 Whoo! Rumaki! 126 00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:33,791 -(honking) -Yay! 127 00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:36,919 Isotopes! Whoo! 128 00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:38,254 (grunts) 129 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,214 -Isotopes. -(grunts) 130 00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:41,924 -Isotopes. -(grunts) 131 00:05:42,884 --> 00:05:43,760 MAN: Isotopes. 132 00:05:44,260 --> 00:05:45,887 You know what I'm sayin' to you, baby? 133 00:05:46,804 --> 00:05:49,766 Hey, a baseball field. Batter up. 134 00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:52,518 -(all yelling) -MAN: Go, baby! Steal second! 135 00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:54,187 I think I'm going to puke! 136 00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:55,855 -Hey, who's on first? -Touchdown! 137 00:05:55,938 --> 00:05:56,981 BARNEY: Slide! 138 00:05:57,482 --> 00:05:59,025 (tires screeching) 139 00:06:00,818 --> 00:06:04,155 -HOMER: Safe! -(all cheering) 140 00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:07,116 (cheering continues) 141 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,910 Hey, Carl. Isotopes! 142 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:14,957 (all groaning, grunting) 143 00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:19,337 (drunkenly) ♪ We are the champions ♪ 144 00:06:19,420 --> 00:06:22,673 ♪ We are the champions ♪ 145 00:06:22,757 --> 00:06:25,676 ♪ You got mud on your face Big disgrace ♪ 146 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:27,553 -(screams) -Whoop! Careful. 147 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:31,432 (munching) 148 00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:33,851 Wow! You look really hungover, Dad. 149 00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:35,645 What did you do last night? 150 00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:38,815 Last night? Uh, um... 151 00:06:55,164 --> 00:06:59,043 Hmm, huh. Hello, Big Maggie. 152 00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:00,878 Yes! Yes! Yes! 153 00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:02,713 Someone trashed the school. 154 00:07:02,797 --> 00:07:04,173 What the dilly-yo? 155 00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,174 Where this morning, 156 00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:06,634 the three "Rs" stand for 157 00:07:06,717 --> 00:07:08,428 "rowdiness, ransacking 158 00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:10,388 and irresponsibility." 159 00:07:10,471 --> 00:07:12,390 -Any suspects, chief? -None. 160 00:07:12,473 --> 00:07:14,267 That's why we're jumping to the conclusion 161 00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:17,019 that this was the work of no-good, punk kids. 162 00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:18,438 Kids? 163 00:07:18,521 --> 00:07:19,981 Therefore, effective immediately, 164 00:07:20,064 --> 00:07:22,024 I am imposing a curfew. 165 00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:25,528 Any kid caught on the street after dark will be shot, 166 00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:29,657 or returned to their parents as the situation may warrant. 167 00:07:29,740 --> 00:07:31,951 -(gasps) Curfew? -Whoa! 168 00:07:32,034 --> 00:07:34,162 Serves you little punks right. 169 00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:36,581 So, maybe next time, you'll think before-- 170 00:07:36,664 --> 00:07:38,040 Oh, my God! 171 00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:42,253 Look what those rotten kids did to my car! (crying) 172 00:07:46,799 --> 00:07:48,801 The cops can't just slap a curfew on us. 173 00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:50,845 -We have rights. -Sure, you do. 174 00:07:50,928 --> 00:07:53,181 You have the right to remain silent. 175 00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:55,057 (both laughing) 176 00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:56,767 That was cold-blooded, Marge. 177 00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:58,269 -Yeah. -But it's not fair. 178 00:07:58,352 --> 00:08:00,897 Adults always blame kids for everything. 179 00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:02,064 Well, if kids are so innocent, 180 00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:04,358 {\an8}why is everything bad named after them? 181 00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:08,404 {\an8}Acting childish, kidnapping, child abuse. 182 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:10,156 What about adultery? 183 00:08:10,239 --> 00:08:11,532 Not until you're older, son. 184 00:08:12,033 --> 00:08:13,826 (children giggling) 185 00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:14,994 Okay, go deep! 186 00:08:17,079 --> 00:08:18,748 Ice cream truck! 187 00:08:19,415 --> 00:08:20,374 Hey, quit pushing! 188 00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:21,459 I was here first! 189 00:08:21,542 --> 00:08:22,627 Get out of my way! 190 00:08:22,710 --> 00:08:24,253 (soft tune playing) 191 00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:26,714 (exclaiming) 192 00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:29,133 -(siren wailing) -(tires screeching) 193 00:08:29,217 --> 00:08:31,260 Achtung, babies! 194 00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:33,304 Curfew is in effect. 195 00:08:33,387 --> 00:08:35,515 Return to your homes, immediately. 196 00:08:35,598 --> 00:08:37,517 (screaming) 197 00:08:40,937 --> 00:08:43,231 All right, let's see some IDs, boys. 198 00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:46,692 Huh. You two scofflaws are violating curfew. 199 00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:48,236 I'm taking you downtown. 200 00:08:48,569 --> 00:08:51,447 Oh, uh, sorry to disturb you, Dr. Hibbert. 201 00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,032 (deep voice) Not at all, officer. 202 00:08:53,115 --> 00:08:56,536 (laughing like Hibbert) 203 00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:02,291 Hah! What a beautiful night. Fireflies, full moon. 204 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,377 And here we are, locked inside. 205 00:09:05,127 --> 00:09:07,630 Kids, the carnival's in town for one night only. 206 00:09:07,713 --> 00:09:09,799 And they've got cotton candy and hats with feathers. 207 00:09:09,882 --> 00:09:11,092 And there's no lines 208 00:09:11,175 --> 00:09:13,928 because all the stupid kids have curfew, so... 209 00:09:15,012 --> 00:09:15,972 Oh, right. Sorry. 210 00:09:16,764 --> 00:09:18,975 (giggling) 211 00:09:19,850 --> 00:09:21,978 -Hmm. -(sighs) 212 00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:24,230 Why don't you kids play one of your old board games? 213 00:09:24,939 --> 00:09:27,817 {\an8}When was the last time you played Citizenship? 214 00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:30,528 -BART: Energy Shortage. -LISA: Hippo in the House? 215 00:09:30,611 --> 00:09:32,363 {\an8}MARGE: Ooh! The Game of Lent. 216 00:09:32,446 --> 00:09:34,657 Oh, can't we just go to bed? 217 00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:36,450 It's only 5:30. 218 00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:38,494 Fine. We'll play Hippo in the House . 219 00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:42,081 Oh, the hippo's missing. 220 00:09:42,164 --> 00:09:43,624 (both groaning) 221 00:09:44,458 --> 00:09:46,127 You think that's bad? 222 00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:48,004 I had to talk to my mom all night. 223 00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:51,924 She's got problems. Scary problems. 224 00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:53,634 Adults blow. 225 00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:55,595 Yeah. Just look at them over there. 226 00:09:55,678 --> 00:09:58,014 Smoking their cigarettes. 227 00:09:58,097 --> 00:09:59,515 Drinking their coffee. 228 00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:01,892 Scratching their big butts. 229 00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:04,854 Your metabolism will change someday, too, young man. 230 00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:07,773 (mutters, clears throat) 231 00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:13,446 That ought to show little Timmy and Tammy scumbag 232 00:10:13,529 --> 00:10:15,448 who's in charge around here. 233 00:10:15,531 --> 00:10:17,199 Gee, chief, all those gears and motors 234 00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:18,784 must have cost a fortune. 235 00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:21,037 Well, you got to spend money to make money, Lou. 236 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:22,163 Uh-huh. 237 00:10:23,372 --> 00:10:26,125 {\an8}(yawning) You want to hold it for a while? 238 00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:27,543 Nah. 239 00:10:28,544 --> 00:10:30,087 MARGE: (humming) 240 00:10:30,171 --> 00:10:31,464 Marge. Kite. 241 00:10:31,547 --> 00:10:33,341 Hey, there is one thing we could do. 242 00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:35,760 -(music playing on TV) -(gasps) Lise, no. It's prime time! 243 00:10:35,843 --> 00:10:37,803 You robbed me of my manhood. 244 00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:39,805 That's petty theft. 245 00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:41,766 (audience exclaiming) 246 00:10:41,849 --> 00:10:43,225 Don't go there. 247 00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:46,604 (audience laughing, applauding) 248 00:10:46,687 --> 00:10:48,314 {\an8}Don't Go There will be right back. 249 00:10:48,397 --> 00:10:51,317 -Oh, no. It won't. -Wait, there's a commercial. 250 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:54,945 (spooky music plays) 251 00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:57,073 -Ah, oh... yeah. -Whoa. 252 00:10:58,532 --> 00:10:59,909 MALE NARRATOR: 40 years ago, 253 00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:02,161 a film appeared that was so shocking, 254 00:11:02,244 --> 00:11:05,122 so terrifying, it was sealed in a concrete vault 255 00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:06,415 deep beneath the earth. 256 00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:09,085 But even the new management of Sony/TriStar 257 00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:11,379 could not contain the pure evil 258 00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:13,005 of The Bloodening. 259 00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:15,716 (woman screaming) 260 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,677 {\an8}Milhouse, do you see what's on channel six? 261 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,887 Uh, yeah, it-it's really something. 262 00:11:19,970 --> 00:11:21,430 (gasps) 263 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:22,723 MALE NARRATOR: A registered nurse trained 264 00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:24,308 in the treatment of terror 265 00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:26,352 will be on duty during the showing of... 266 00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:28,479 {\an8}The Bloodening. 267 00:11:29,063 --> 00:11:30,815 {\an8}(evil laughter) 268 00:11:30,898 --> 00:11:32,483 {\an8}(normal voice) Now playing at the Springfield drive-in... 269 00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:34,402 {\an8}after dark. 270 00:11:34,485 --> 00:11:35,653 Milhouse, spread the word. 271 00:11:35,736 --> 00:11:37,279 We're seeing this movie, tonight. 272 00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:40,700 That's right. We're breaking curfew. 273 00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:44,453 (both grunting) 274 00:11:47,289 --> 00:11:48,332 Come on. 275 00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:52,837 (grunting) 276 00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:56,257 -Breaking curfew, Mom! -WOMAN: We're out of skoal! 277 00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:05,099 Due to the likelihood of fear-induced heart attacks, 278 00:12:05,182 --> 00:12:08,602 we're offering all patrons million-dollar life insurance policies. 279 00:12:08,686 --> 00:12:10,646 Life insurance? Hmm. 280 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,523 {\an8}Will I be able to borrow against the equity? 281 00:12:12,606 --> 00:12:15,151 Uh, I don't know, sir. It comes free with the popcorn. 282 00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:16,318 Is that air-popped? 283 00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:17,278 MAN: Skinner! 284 00:12:17,361 --> 00:12:19,739 -We're losing valuable make-out time. -WOMAN: (groans) 285 00:12:21,073 --> 00:12:23,159 (grunts) 286 00:12:23,242 --> 00:12:25,077 -Little help. -Sure. 287 00:12:25,161 --> 00:12:26,495 (grunts) 288 00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:29,290 -(groans) -(grunts) 289 00:12:29,373 --> 00:12:31,041 -Lisa. -Nelson. 290 00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:34,336 CHORUS (singing): ♪ Let's all go to the lobby ♪ 291 00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:37,673 ♪ To get ourselves some drinks ♪ 292 00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:47,057 Get off of my moor, you mischievous weans. 293 00:12:47,141 --> 00:12:49,977 Actually, we'd prefer to stay. 294 00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:53,606 You're thinking about hurting us. 295 00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:55,274 (groans) 296 00:12:55,357 --> 00:12:56,400 Now you're thinking, 297 00:12:56,484 --> 00:12:58,527 "How did they know what I was thinking?" 298 00:12:58,611 --> 00:12:59,987 Now you're thinking, 299 00:13:00,070 --> 00:13:02,907 {\an8}"I hope that's shepherd's pie in my knickers." 300 00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:04,408 (groans) 301 00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:08,287 (screaming) 302 00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:10,206 -Wow! -They showed him. 303 00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:13,709 Man, I never liked Shakespeare until now. 304 00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:16,170 Right, you little blighters. 305 00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:18,214 We've had quite enough of your evil mischief. 306 00:13:18,297 --> 00:13:20,424 But you're the one who's been bad. 307 00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:22,426 You've been sneaking puddings. 308 00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:24,470 But-but, how did you know? 309 00:13:24,553 --> 00:13:27,306 We know all your secrets. 310 00:13:27,389 --> 00:13:29,892 -And you pilfered the poor box. -(gasps) 311 00:13:29,975 --> 00:13:31,936 And, doctor, we know that you and the bootblack 312 00:13:32,019 --> 00:13:35,189 have been rogering the fishwife in the crumpet shop. 313 00:13:35,272 --> 00:13:36,857 -(blows raspberry) -(gasps) 314 00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:39,485 -Lies! How dare you! -Get them! Quickly! 315 00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:42,071 We can't have that. 316 00:13:45,991 --> 00:13:46,992 (gasps) 317 00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:48,160 (gasps) 318 00:13:50,037 --> 00:13:52,414 (grunts) 319 00:13:55,626 --> 00:13:57,837 -Take that, you suckers! -Way to go! 320 00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,672 In your face, fishwife. 321 00:13:59,755 --> 00:14:01,006 (thud) 322 00:14:02,049 --> 00:14:03,843 Enjoying the movie, kids? 323 00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:05,928 ALL: (screaming) 324 00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:07,221 Listen up, punks. 325 00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:09,348 The moral of the story is, 326 00:14:09,431 --> 00:14:11,684 the adults always win. 327 00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:13,561 (yells) 328 00:14:15,771 --> 00:14:18,357 Stop crying out loud, Eddie, you scared the hell out of me. 329 00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:22,027 Sorry, chief. (evil chuckle) 330 00:14:24,321 --> 00:14:29,159 KIDS: (groaning) 331 00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:31,662 CLANCY WIGGUM: Don't forget to clean under the jowls. 332 00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:34,039 That spot is club med for mildew. 333 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,501 And let this be a lesson to you. 334 00:14:37,585 --> 00:14:40,379 Kids never learn. (grunts) 335 00:14:40,462 --> 00:14:41,630 (tires screeching) 336 00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:44,216 (all coughing, retching) 337 00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:45,718 Oh, that is it. 338 00:14:45,801 --> 00:14:48,137 I'm tired of being pushed around by grownups. 339 00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:49,889 It's time to fight back! 340 00:14:49,972 --> 00:14:53,058 ALL: Yeah! Fight back! 341 00:14:53,142 --> 00:14:55,936 Man, if we had eye power like those kids in that movie, 342 00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:58,564 we could read the adults' mind and tell their secrets, 343 00:14:58,647 --> 00:15:01,025 and make them pitchfork each other and junk. 344 00:15:01,108 --> 00:15:03,444 (laughing, cheering) 345 00:15:03,527 --> 00:15:06,363 Wait! We don't need supernatural powers. 346 00:15:06,447 --> 00:15:08,866 -We already know their secrets. -She's right. 347 00:15:08,949 --> 00:15:11,410 Homer's done a ton of crap that never made the papers. 348 00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:13,621 My mom shoplifts all the time, 349 00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:15,164 stuff she doesn't even need. 350 00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:17,958 My dad gets in car accidents on purpose. 351 00:15:18,042 --> 00:15:20,085 Great. This is all gold. 352 00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:22,671 MILHOUSE: We got to spread this stuff around. 353 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,131 Let's put it on the Internet. 354 00:15:24,214 --> 00:15:25,674 BART: No, we have to reach people 355 00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:27,676 whose opinions actually matter, 356 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,511 and I think I know how. 357 00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:30,638 Why don't we just... 358 00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:34,767 (chatter) 359 00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:37,061 Attention, hemline and midriff monitors. 360 00:15:37,144 --> 00:15:38,187 -(tapping) -Um. 361 00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:39,813 -(squeaky sound) -(gasps) 362 00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:41,690 Willie, get my Windex. 363 00:15:43,567 --> 00:15:45,945 (snoring) 364 00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:51,241 (cat meows) 365 00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:55,496 200 channels, and nothing but cats. 366 00:16:04,713 --> 00:16:06,632 So, Marge, ready for another episode 367 00:16:06,715 --> 00:16:08,425 of Don't Go There? 368 00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:10,469 I'm tired of that show, 369 00:16:10,552 --> 00:16:13,347 but I've been hearing good things about Talk to the Hand. 370 00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:17,017 Tom Shales says the writing snaps, crackles, and pops. 371 00:16:17,518 --> 00:16:19,728 Okay, whatever takes my mind off my life. 372 00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:22,564 {\an8}(theme music playing) ♪ Talk to the hand, they say... ♪ 373 00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:24,400 Hey, look what I found. 374 00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:26,652 Grandpa's old radio. 375 00:16:26,735 --> 00:16:29,613 Oh, wouldn't it be grand to gather round 376 00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:31,031 and have a listen? 377 00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:32,616 Well, turn something on. 378 00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:33,742 I'm starting to think. 379 00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:36,078 (big band music) 380 00:16:36,161 --> 00:16:37,621 (rock music) 381 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,957 FRANKLIN ROOSEVELT: A date which will live... 382 00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,084 in infamy. 383 00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:45,212 Good evening, adults. We interrupt this broadcast 384 00:16:45,295 --> 00:16:48,090 to bring you a very special presentation. 385 00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:50,134 Tonight's program is entitled... 386 00:16:50,217 --> 00:16:53,846 KIDS: We Know All Your Secrets. 387 00:16:53,929 --> 00:16:55,347 Boring. 388 00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:57,057 Go back to that "infamy" guy. 389 00:16:57,433 --> 00:16:59,852 BART: Constable Wiggum likes to act tough. 390 00:16:59,935 --> 00:17:01,520 But he also likes to walk the beat 391 00:17:01,603 --> 00:17:03,397 in control-top pantyhose. 392 00:17:03,814 --> 00:17:05,065 (gasping) 393 00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:07,693 Heh-heh! Well, heh, 394 00:17:07,776 --> 00:17:09,278 it's not like that's a crime. 395 00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:10,738 I'm afraid it is, chief. 396 00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:12,197 -Um. -(handcuffs ratcheting) 397 00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:14,116 BART: And Schoolmistress Krabapple 398 00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:17,369 has been stealing supplies from the school cafeteria. 399 00:17:17,453 --> 00:17:20,372 {\an8}(gasps) Edna, how could you? 400 00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:22,833 {\an8}Don't get up. I'll bus my own tray. 401 00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:27,755 BART: And now we come to Mr. Homer Simpson. 402 00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:28,881 (gasps) 403 00:17:28,964 --> 00:17:30,549 Did you know, he likes to eat 404 00:17:30,632 --> 00:17:32,676 out of the Flanders' garbage? 405 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,553 Oh, no. Homer. 406 00:17:34,636 --> 00:17:36,305 I have a problem. 407 00:17:36,388 --> 00:17:38,265 Tune in tomorrow and every day 408 00:17:38,348 --> 00:17:39,641 until the curfew is lifted 409 00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:42,144 because we'll be revealing embarrassing secrets about 410 00:17:42,227 --> 00:17:43,937 Springfield's other adults. 411 00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:46,231 Well, at least they've already done me. 412 00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:48,192 And we have plenty more on Homer Simpson. 413 00:17:48,275 --> 00:17:49,276 D'oh! 414 00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:51,111 I've called this meeting to determine 415 00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:52,988 what to do about those blabbermouth kids 416 00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:55,074 and their creepy English accents. 417 00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:58,285 Hey, shut up, Mayor. They're telling secrets again. 418 00:17:58,368 --> 00:17:59,578 ALL: (gasp) 419 00:17:59,661 --> 00:18:02,164 Oh, I hope they don't reveal this is a comb-over. 420 00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:04,792 LISA (over radio): Our top secret tonight, 421 00:18:04,875 --> 00:18:07,628 Gay divorcee Luanne Van Houten 422 00:18:07,711 --> 00:18:10,464 has been cheating on her boyfriend, Pyro... 423 00:18:10,547 --> 00:18:13,759 -CROWD: (gasp) -...with his best friend, Gyro. 424 00:18:13,842 --> 00:18:16,303 How many times have I fought beside you, Gyro? 425 00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:18,222 And this is how you repay me? 426 00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:20,390 (both grunting) 427 00:18:20,474 --> 00:18:22,935 Pyro, Gyro, settle down. 428 00:18:23,018 --> 00:18:26,438 Can't we shut down that infernal transmitter? 429 00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:28,899 -Can't we just blow it up? -You go ahead, girlfriend. 430 00:18:28,982 --> 00:18:33,028 (chattering) 431 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,446 -Settle down, people. -(gavel banging) 432 00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:36,782 As we speak, Chief Wiggum is tracking down 433 00:18:36,865 --> 00:18:38,867 those little squealers using the latest 434 00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:41,036 in crime-fighting technology. 435 00:18:42,079 --> 00:18:44,039 Ah, I got nothing. How about you, frinky? 436 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,958 I have captured the signal, 437 00:18:46,041 --> 00:18:48,710 and am presently triangulating the vectors 438 00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:50,546 and compressing the data down 439 00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:53,757 in order to express it as a function of my hand. 440 00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:55,425 They're over there. 441 00:18:58,428 --> 00:19:00,180 And guess who's been practicing medicine 442 00:19:00,264 --> 00:19:01,473 without a license? 443 00:19:01,890 --> 00:19:03,016 (gulps) 444 00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:05,269 That's right. Homer Simpson. 445 00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:07,771 Freeze, you little shock jocks. 446 00:19:07,855 --> 00:19:08,897 (guns cocking) 447 00:19:14,069 --> 00:19:15,028 Brilliant. 448 00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:17,531 They transduced amplitude modulation 449 00:19:17,614 --> 00:19:21,410 via the concavity of that over-sized beverage conveyance. 450 00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:24,204 I mean, that is some clever goyvin. 451 00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:26,290 All right, you kids, come down now. 452 00:19:26,373 --> 00:19:27,791 We promise, we won't kill you. 453 00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:30,294 Speak for yourself. Bart, get down here! 454 00:19:30,377 --> 00:19:33,213 I'm going to spank you back to the Stone Age. 455 00:19:33,297 --> 00:19:34,798 You can't make us come down. 456 00:19:34,882 --> 00:19:37,301 You adults are always giving us orders. 457 00:19:37,384 --> 00:19:39,178 Well, you kids are always disobeying them. 458 00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:41,889 Well, adults treat kids like children. 459 00:19:41,972 --> 00:19:44,433 Kids treat adults like cash machines. 460 00:19:44,516 --> 00:19:47,186 -Adults! Adults! Adults! -Kids! Kids! Kids! 461 00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:50,439 (singing) ♪ Kids, you've had your fun ♪ Now we've had our fill ♪ 462 00:19:51,481 --> 00:19:54,568 ♪ Yeah, you're only here 'Cause Marge forgot her pill ♪ 463 00:19:54,651 --> 00:19:55,694 (sneers) 464 00:19:55,777 --> 00:19:57,279 {\an8}♪ Kids, you're all just ♪ 465 00:19:57,362 --> 00:19:59,448 {\an8}♪ Scandalizing, vandalizing punks ♪ 466 00:20:00,115 --> 00:20:03,160 ♪ Channel-hoppin', Ritalin-poppin' monkeys ♪ 467 00:20:03,243 --> 00:20:04,411 But please don't quit the fan club. 468 00:20:04,494 --> 00:20:05,954 ♪ Kids, I can nag and nag ♪ 469 00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:07,706 ♪ Till my hair turns blue ♪ 470 00:20:08,624 --> 00:20:11,919 ♪ Kids, you bum my smokes And don't say thank you ♪ 471 00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:15,088 ♪ Why can't you be like we are? ♪ 472 00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:17,925 ♪ Oh, what a bunch of brats ♪ 473 00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:20,928 ♪ We ought to drown you just like cats ♪ 474 00:20:21,011 --> 00:20:22,095 (cat meows) 475 00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:24,806 ♪ Adults, you run our lives ♪ 476 00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:26,600 ♪ Like you're Colonel Klink ♪ 477 00:20:26,683 --> 00:20:30,812 ♪ Adults, you strut around like your farts don't stink ♪ 478 00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:33,315 ♪ Adults, you're such a drooling, snoring ♪ 479 00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:35,234 ♪ Boozing, boring bunch ♪ 480 00:20:35,317 --> 00:20:38,487 ♪ Surly, meanie, Three-martini lunchers ♪ 481 00:20:38,570 --> 00:20:39,905 I just ate a thumbtack. 482 00:20:40,405 --> 00:20:43,075 ♪ Adults, they're always telling us to-- ♪ 483 00:20:43,158 --> 00:20:44,201 Shut your traps! 484 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:48,455 ♪ Eh, we're fed up with all of you whippersnaps ♪ 485 00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:51,541 ♪ We're tryin' to get some sleep here ♪ 486 00:20:51,625 --> 00:20:53,585 ♪ It's almost 6:15 ♪ 487 00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:54,795 ♪ What's the matter with ♪ 488 00:20:54,878 --> 00:20:55,921 ♪ Don't you treat us like ♪ 489 00:20:56,004 --> 00:20:57,047 ♪ Can't you just lay off ♪ 490 00:20:57,130 --> 00:20:58,257 ♪ We're sick of all of you ♪ 491 00:20:58,340 --> 00:21:04,179 ADULTS: ♪ Kids... to... day... ♪ 492 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:09,601 We're going to teach all you rugrats a lesson. 493 00:21:09,685 --> 00:21:11,144 Oh, yeah? (blows raspberry) 494 00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:13,855 What can you old people do to us? 495 00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:16,692 -Yeah, you old fogies. -Buzz off, you old buzzards. 496 00:21:16,775 --> 00:21:19,152 (chatter) 497 00:21:19,236 --> 00:21:20,612 ...iron you. 498 00:21:20,696 --> 00:21:24,324 This is Kent Brockman reporting from my own home 499 00:21:24,408 --> 00:21:25,993 in accordance with a new curfew 500 00:21:26,076 --> 00:21:28,120 for anyone under 70. 501 00:21:28,203 --> 00:21:31,039 -(growls) I can't believe that passed. -(Homer speaking inaudibly) 502 00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:34,626 I warned you guys that seniors always vote in record numbers. 503 00:21:34,710 --> 00:21:38,213 The controversial measure passed by a single vote. 504 00:21:38,297 --> 00:21:40,757 Um, you really should have voted, Homer. 505 00:21:40,841 --> 00:21:42,801 Pfft. It wouldn't have made a difference. 506 00:21:42,884 --> 00:21:45,554 Lights out, you punk kids! 507 00:21:47,931 --> 00:21:51,393 Yay! We took back the night! 508 00:21:52,352 --> 00:21:53,395 MAN: Hey, fellas! 509 00:21:53,895 --> 00:21:55,522 Hey, you wanna stop with the kicking? 510 00:21:55,605 --> 00:21:57,399 My pills are in that can. 511 00:21:58,108 --> 00:21:59,234 Good gravy. 512 00:21:59,776 --> 00:22:01,236 I don't kick your things. 513 00:22:02,237 --> 00:22:04,072 When you're trying to breathe on the machine, 514 00:22:04,156 --> 00:22:05,949 do I go up and kick it? 515 00:22:06,033 --> 00:22:08,035 Oh, now, look at that. It went down the sewer. 516 00:22:08,118 --> 00:22:10,245 {\an8}You're happy? I'm gonna sue now. 517 00:22:10,329 --> 00:22:12,039 {\an8}Now it's time for the lawyers. 518 00:22:12,748 --> 00:22:14,583 (theme music playing) 519 00:22:40,817 --> 00:22:41,943 Shh. 520 00:22:42,027 --> 00:22:44,738 MAN: Don't tell me to shush, you stupid lady! 521 00:22:45,155 --> 00:22:47,157 {\an8}Captioned by Visual Data Media Services