1 00:00:01,251 --> 00:00:02,252 (theme music playing) 2 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:06,506 ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 3 00:00:16,891 --> 00:00:18,560 (bell ringing) 4 00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:25,150 (whistle blowing) 5 00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:30,989 (beeping) 6 00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:37,704 (playing the blues) 7 00:00:37,787 --> 00:00:39,289 (jazzy solo) 8 00:00:46,337 --> 00:00:47,297 (tires screeching) 9 00:00:47,630 --> 00:00:48,465 (chimes) 10 00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:53,845 (tires screeching) 11 00:00:58,892 --> 00:00:59,726 (honking horn) 12 00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:05,023 D'oh! 13 00:01:05,106 --> 00:01:05,940 (screams) 14 00:01:08,693 --> 00:01:09,986 (all yelling) 15 00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:25,043 (loud chattering) 16 00:01:25,126 --> 00:01:27,420 {\an8}Hey, hey. Settle down, children. 17 00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:30,423 {\an8}Now, who's ever wondered how the post office works? 18 00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:32,759 No one? 19 00:01:33,134 --> 00:01:35,512 {\an8}I did until we came here last year. 20 00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:38,014 {\an8}Ah, yes. Last year. 21 00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,307 {\an8}Anyway, look. 22 00:01:39,390 --> 00:01:42,477 {\an8}Here comes our guide for the day, Postmaster Bill. 23 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:45,105 {\an8}(chuckling) Howdy, partners. 24 00:01:45,188 --> 00:01:47,148 {\an8}Welcome to your post office. 25 00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:49,734 {\an8}Wow! It's ours? (grunts) 26 00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:52,278 {\an8}SKINNER: Bart! 27 00:01:52,362 --> 00:01:53,613 {\an8}Be with you in a minute. 28 00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,324 {\an8}This is the lobby where customers come 29 00:01:56,407 --> 00:01:58,535 {\an8}for all their postalistic needs. 30 00:01:59,035 --> 00:02:01,663 Legends Of Comedy, my tuches. 31 00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:04,541 What has fatty Arbuckle done that I haven't done? 32 00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:06,960 {\an8}This machine reads zip codes. 33 00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:10,213 {\an8}These five digits tell us where to direct your mail. 34 00:02:10,296 --> 00:02:11,881 {\an8}But it's nine digits now. 35 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:13,591 {\an8}What's the point of these other four numbers? 36 00:02:13,675 --> 00:02:16,010 {\an8}Those are citizen relocation codes. 37 00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:18,555 {\an8}With any luck, we'll never need 'em. 38 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,016 She's on to us. Should I flood the chamber? 39 00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:23,643 Not yet. Let's get some lunch. 40 00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:27,105 {\an8}Well, children, any questions for Postmaster Bill? 41 00:02:27,772 --> 00:02:29,607 {\an8}You ever gone on a killing spree? 42 00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:32,986 {\an8}(chuckling) No, no. 43 00:02:33,069 --> 00:02:35,446 {\an8}The day of the gun-toting, disgruntled postman 44 00:02:35,530 --> 00:02:38,491 {\an8}shooting up the place went out with the Macarena. 45 00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:41,578 {\an8}Well, I'm just glad I work at an elementary school. 46 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:45,540 {\an8}And this is where our employees gather to unwind 47 00:02:45,623 --> 00:02:48,376 {\an8}after a hard day of serving the public. 48 00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:52,005 -Bingo! Birthday card! -Graduation! 49 00:02:52,088 --> 00:02:53,256 Ding, ding, ding! Wedding. 50 00:02:53,339 --> 00:02:55,341 (cheering) 51 00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:57,927 {\an8}(chuckling, groans) 52 00:02:58,511 --> 00:03:01,097 {\an8}I'm sure you all heard of the dead letter office. 53 00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,600 Well, as a souvenir of your visit 54 00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:05,101 {\an8}you can each help yourself 55 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,478 {\an8}to one piece of undeliverable mail. 56 00:03:07,562 --> 00:03:09,189 (cheering) 57 00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:10,148 RALPH: I'll take you. 58 00:03:10,231 --> 00:03:11,816 (children shouting) 59 00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:15,320 {\an8}(barking) 60 00:03:15,403 --> 00:03:16,905 I got some dog food. 61 00:03:16,988 --> 00:03:19,616 I got my letter to Santa. 62 00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:21,367 A coupon book? 63 00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:23,494 What am I gonna do with this piece of junk? 64 00:03:23,578 --> 00:03:24,621 Happy birthday, Dad. 65 00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:25,580 Wow! 66 00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:28,333 A Val-U-Qual coupon book. 67 00:03:28,416 --> 00:03:30,960 Let's see. Ten percent off carpet cleaning. 68 00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:31,920 Ten! (gasps) 69 00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:35,548 Two pizzas for the price of one at Doughy's! 70 00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:37,967 Doughy's has terrible pizza. 71 00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:40,011 Yeah, but there's two! 72 00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:43,097 Ooh, free foot pain analysis. 73 00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:45,516 Oh, Marge, that's just a trick to get you in there, 74 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,268 so they can cure your foot pain. 75 00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:50,438 I guess. (moans softly) 76 00:03:50,521 --> 00:03:52,732 See you, kids. Me and my Val-U-Qual book 77 00:03:52,815 --> 00:03:56,527 are gonna paint the town red with savings. 78 00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:57,987 I'll start with a couple of pizzas, 79 00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:00,531 then a complimentary tango lesson, 80 00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:04,577 and I'll cap it off with a smooth, refreshing colonic. 81 00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:05,662 Um, Dad... 82 00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:08,581 ♪ Do you like pina colonic ♪ 83 00:04:08,665 --> 00:04:10,792 ♪ And getting caught In the rain? ♪ 84 00:04:10,875 --> 00:04:13,086 ♪ Passing out in the ocean... ♪ 85 00:04:15,463 --> 00:04:19,342 Now this wheel balancing is free, right? 86 00:04:19,425 --> 00:04:22,136 Oh, you betcha. Absolutely. 87 00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:24,555 Eh... uh-oh. Wait a minute. 88 00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:27,183 These tires won't take a balance. 89 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,101 They won't? 90 00:04:28,184 --> 00:04:30,103 Nah, nah, no. You hear that clunk? 91 00:04:30,186 --> 00:04:31,020 No. 92 00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:33,273 Well, that tells me you need four new tires. 93 00:04:33,356 --> 00:04:34,983 -Really? -Yeah. 94 00:04:35,066 --> 00:04:37,443 Legally, I can't even let you drive out of here on these. 95 00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:40,071 Oh, please, can't you let me slide this time? 96 00:04:40,154 --> 00:04:43,825 Gee, I'd really like to, but if my boss found out... 97 00:04:43,908 --> 00:04:45,243 Hey, what's going on over here? 98 00:04:45,326 --> 00:04:47,829 Were you gonna let this man drive out of here on unsafe tires? 99 00:04:47,912 --> 00:04:49,247 No, boss. I swear. 100 00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:51,249 Uh, that's it. You're fired! 101 00:04:51,332 --> 00:04:53,751 No. Wait. This is all my fault. 102 00:04:53,835 --> 00:04:55,920 Oh, if I could only turn back the clock 103 00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:58,131 and buy four new tires. 104 00:05:00,508 --> 00:05:03,761 (muzak playing) 105 00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:10,435 Oh. 106 00:05:12,353 --> 00:05:14,147 Ooh, I know that look. (giggles) 107 00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:16,065 You came in for the free wheel balance 108 00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:18,318 and now it's costing you 500 simoleans. 109 00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:19,902 Six with the tip. 110 00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,362 Hey, you got off easy. 111 00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:22,655 I just came in to use the phone 112 00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:25,033 and they got me for the whole road king package... 113 00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:28,328 alignment, shocks, armor all, stem lube. 114 00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:30,413 (chuckling) Stem lube. 115 00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:34,083 Even I didn't fall for that although winter is coming. 116 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:38,171 Man, we are a couple of grade A suckers. (chuckles) 117 00:05:38,254 --> 00:05:39,505 Wally Kogen. 118 00:05:39,589 --> 00:05:41,341 Hey, I know you. 119 00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:43,259 We were in the same pyramid scheme. 120 00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:44,844 Oh, don't remind me. 121 00:05:44,927 --> 00:05:47,555 Friends helping friends, my ass. 122 00:05:47,972 --> 00:05:50,016 Say, you want to grab a beer while we're waiting? 123 00:05:50,099 --> 00:05:50,933 Yeah. 124 00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,061 I'm getting tired of them pointing and laughing at us. 125 00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:55,188 (all laughing) 126 00:05:57,190 --> 00:06:00,443 COMMENTATOR: The road to the Super Bowl is long and pointless. 127 00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:02,278 I mean, when you think about it... 128 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:03,738 (chuckles) 129 00:06:03,821 --> 00:06:05,198 Football's so great. 130 00:06:05,531 --> 00:06:07,575 COMMENTATOR: But now, the two conference champs 131 00:06:07,658 --> 00:06:09,744 must survive a harrowing bye week 132 00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:11,037 that no one enjoys. 133 00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:21,798 Bye weeks. Bronko Nagurski didn't get no bye weeks, 134 00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:23,049 and now he's dead. 135 00:06:24,008 --> 00:06:25,385 Well, maybe they're a good thing. 136 00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:27,303 Yeah, how about that Super Bowl? 137 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:28,221 You going this year? 138 00:06:28,304 --> 00:06:29,597 Me? Nah. 139 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:33,059 (gasps) Unless there's a coupon for it! Nah. 140 00:06:33,142 --> 00:06:35,728 Well, I run the Springfield Travel Agency. 141 00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:38,606 {\an8}We've got a charter bus going down to the game. 142 00:06:38,689 --> 00:06:40,566 You help us fill it, you can ride for free. 143 00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:43,653 Homer Simpson at the Super Bowl? 144 00:06:44,612 --> 00:06:45,613 (crowd cheering) 145 00:06:45,696 --> 00:06:46,531 Dang. 146 00:06:46,614 --> 00:06:49,158 That was my last quarterback. Now what am I gonna do? 147 00:06:49,617 --> 00:06:50,451 You. 148 00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:52,453 -Me? -Yeah, you. 149 00:06:52,537 --> 00:06:54,038 Get your hand off my wife's leg. 150 00:06:54,122 --> 00:06:54,956 Sorry. 151 00:06:56,999 --> 00:06:58,418 It's a deal. 152 00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:01,629 Hey, Moe, you wanna come with me and Wally to the Super Bowl? 153 00:07:01,712 --> 00:07:03,965 Oh, absolutely. My favorite team's in it! 154 00:07:04,048 --> 00:07:06,050 The Atlanta Falcons. 155 00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:09,720 Yeah, every since I was a boy, I've always loved 156 00:07:09,804 --> 00:07:11,264 the Atlanta Falcons. 157 00:07:11,347 --> 00:07:13,182 Yeah, they're good but I wouldn't count out the... 158 00:07:13,599 --> 00:07:14,725 Denver Broncos. 159 00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:18,312 Yeah, I hear that President... Clinton 160 00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:21,482 is gonna be watching with his wife... Hillary. 161 00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:25,528 Come on, Lenny, 162 00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:27,780 I need four more guys to fill my Super Bowl bus. 163 00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:28,698 What do you say? 164 00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:30,741 -LENNY (whining): Nah. -Come on... 165 00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:33,202 -LENNY (whining): Nah. -Come on! 166 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:35,913 -LENNY (whining): Nah. -Oh, come on. 167 00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:37,248 -LENNY: Ah... -Yes! 168 00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:40,751 Now that Lenny's in Carl will fall like a domino. 169 00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:43,379 I'm so happy you're going to the big game. 170 00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:47,967 My dream has always been to see the Bolshoi Ballet. 171 00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:50,303 Yeah, yeah. Do we have any pencils that work? 172 00:07:50,386 --> 00:07:53,097 Wow, you've signed up quite a few people, Dad... 173 00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:55,141 the Sea Captain, Bumblebee man, 174 00:07:55,224 --> 00:07:57,602 comic-book guy, the squeaky-voiced teen... 175 00:07:57,685 --> 00:07:59,061 Yeah, it's a good group. 176 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:02,899 I gotta hand it to you, Homer. 177 00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:04,317 It's really a good group. 178 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:06,569 Yeah. Not a dame in sight. 179 00:08:06,652 --> 00:08:08,488 Oh, thank God. 180 00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:10,239 Now we can stop holding it in. 181 00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:14,076 (all sighing) 182 00:08:15,536 --> 00:08:17,413 All aboard for Miami. 183 00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:18,331 (all groaning) 184 00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:20,541 I don't know if I can last that long. 185 00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:25,713 Super Bowl, please, and step on it! 186 00:08:25,796 --> 00:08:28,341 (all cheering) 187 00:08:28,424 --> 00:08:29,258 Hey, wait up. 188 00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:31,677 Ah, crap. It's that pip-squeak Rudy. 189 00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:33,262 (panting) 190 00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:35,097 What is it, Rudy? 191 00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:36,182 Can I come, too? 192 00:08:36,265 --> 00:08:37,433 Forget it, kid. 193 00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,894 You're too small to go to the Super Bowl. 194 00:08:39,977 --> 00:08:42,063 But what I lack in size, I make up for in... 195 00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:45,107 obnoxiousness. (grunts) 196 00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:47,860 (all cheering) 197 00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:53,699 ("Wild Weekend" by NRBQ playing) 198 00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:55,409 ♪ Hey, boys it's a wild weekend ♪ 199 00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:56,327 -(raucous laughter) -Whoo! 200 00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:59,163 ♪ We did it then and we'll do it again ♪ 201 00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:03,042 Well, sports fans, I see you've located the beer supply, 202 00:09:03,125 --> 00:09:06,128 so let's all enjoy it in moderation. 203 00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:07,129 MAN: Boo! 204 00:09:07,713 --> 00:09:09,799 Hey, don't make me come back there. 205 00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:12,635 Seriously, now, if you have any questions, 206 00:09:12,718 --> 00:09:15,179 just ask our team leader, Homer Simpson. 207 00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:17,848 (singing drunkenly) 208 00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:20,393 Or me. Be-- Better ask me. 209 00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:24,105 (sighs) 210 00:09:24,188 --> 00:09:27,400 It's so nice to have a peaceful weekend together. 211 00:09:27,483 --> 00:09:29,026 Yeah, I'm bored, too. 212 00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:30,236 Mm-hmm. 213 00:09:30,319 --> 00:09:32,947 Hey, why don't we do one of those craft kits 214 00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:34,448 Aunt Patty always gives us? 215 00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:39,996 Hmm... ooh, how about Paint-By-Numbers? 216 00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:41,872 It's so rigid and uncreative. 217 00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:43,291 {\an8}OK. 218 00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:44,875 {\an8}Oh, Leather Craft. 219 00:09:44,959 --> 00:09:47,545 {\an8}Oh! Those poor, helpless cows. 220 00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:49,714 {\an8}Mm-hmm. What about Clay? 221 00:09:49,797 --> 00:09:51,882 {\an8}You got any problem with Clay? 222 00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:54,093 Hey, what's this? (blows) 223 00:09:54,176 --> 00:09:56,721 "Vincent Price's Egg Magic." 224 00:09:56,804 --> 00:09:58,681 Well, what are we waiting for? 225 00:10:00,057 --> 00:10:02,143 Keep-away Lovejoy's collar. 226 00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:05,396 (all laughing) 227 00:10:05,479 --> 00:10:07,273 Now look what you've done. 228 00:10:07,356 --> 00:10:08,608 All right, all right, 229 00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:11,652 you guys have had way too much booze. 230 00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:13,070 Last call. 231 00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:14,614 (clamoring) 232 00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:18,743 Come on, come on, give me an excuse. 233 00:10:21,203 --> 00:10:24,123 Pro player stadium, Super Bowl. 234 00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:27,043 (all cheering) 235 00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,174 (bleating) 236 00:10:33,257 --> 00:10:34,925 (chuckles) I'm sorry. 237 00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:37,511 The guys made kind of a mess in your bathroom. 238 00:10:37,595 --> 00:10:38,929 What bathroom? 239 00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:42,308 Uh, OK, fellas, enjoy the pre-game fun. 240 00:10:42,391 --> 00:10:44,226 I don't wanna be a panicky Pete, 241 00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:46,854 but it's Sunday and I haven't been to church yet. 242 00:10:46,937 --> 00:10:50,066 No problem. The NFL's got you covered. 243 00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:52,360 ...and that the wandering Oakland Raiders 244 00:10:52,443 --> 00:10:53,903 may someday find a home. 245 00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:57,657 Lord, hear our prayer. Can I get an amen to that? 246 00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:58,866 ALL: Amen. 247 00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:02,495 Cool! The NFL's oldest surviving player. 248 00:11:02,578 --> 00:11:05,873 I'm 53 years young. 249 00:11:06,207 --> 00:11:07,166 Ugh. 250 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:08,501 MAN: Whoo! 251 00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:09,877 Hey, Troy Aikman. 252 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,880 So, Ned, you like dune buggies? 253 00:11:12,963 --> 00:11:15,299 Well... (giggles) not my cup of... 254 00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:16,509 Sure, you do. 255 00:11:16,592 --> 00:11:18,177 Everyone likes dune buggies. 256 00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:22,640 (grunts) 257 00:11:22,723 --> 00:11:24,558 Great spiral, Daniel. 258 00:11:25,393 --> 00:11:26,686 Man, that hurts. 259 00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:28,145 Excuse me. Coming through. 260 00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:29,355 Friends of Dan Marino. 261 00:11:29,438 --> 00:11:31,357 OK, Dan, fire away. 262 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:35,194 (scoffs) I'm Dan's manager. This is Dan. 263 00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:36,404 Go long, son. 264 00:11:36,487 --> 00:11:37,321 Yes, sir. 265 00:11:40,991 --> 00:11:42,952 (whimpering) 266 00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:45,162 I'm catching a pass from Dan Marino. 267 00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:46,539 This is the greatest moment of my-- 268 00:11:46,622 --> 00:11:48,958 Whoo-hoo! Homer Simpson with a pick! 269 00:11:49,041 --> 00:11:51,627 Hey, Bubba, Hacksaw, get that moron. 270 00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:53,254 (growling) 271 00:11:53,337 --> 00:11:54,922 Uh-oh. Lateral to Bart! 272 00:11:55,005 --> 00:11:56,006 (growling) 273 00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:57,341 (screams) 274 00:11:57,425 --> 00:11:58,509 -(cracking) -HOMER: My spine. 275 00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:06,475 Oh, honey, that is egg-ceptional. 276 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,728 (giggling) 277 00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:11,647 OK, now we just have to stick the feet on. 278 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:14,734 Right. Now... hmm. 279 00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:18,112 Lisa, I don't want to alarm you but I'm not finding any. 280 00:12:18,195 --> 00:12:19,905 {\an8}But it clearly says feet included. 281 00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:21,115 They have to be here. 282 00:12:21,198 --> 00:12:23,159 No, nothing. 283 00:12:23,617 --> 00:12:25,119 I can't believe Vincent Price 284 00:12:25,202 --> 00:12:27,246 would lend his name to such a shoddy product. 285 00:12:27,329 --> 00:12:28,664 Now what do we do? 286 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:29,999 Let's call the company. 287 00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:32,334 Mom, this was made in 1967. 288 00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:33,794 They're probably out of business. 289 00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:35,671 Well, we'll just see. 290 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:39,175 Murray Hill, 5-9-2-3-2. 291 00:12:39,258 --> 00:12:40,634 (telephone ringing) 292 00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:42,928 VINCENT (over telephone): Hello. This is Vincent Price. 293 00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:44,722 (gasps) It's Vincent Price. 294 00:12:44,805 --> 00:12:46,015 I thought he was dead. 295 00:12:46,098 --> 00:12:49,101 VINCENT: You should know the grave could never tame me. 296 00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:50,603 (ghoulish laugh) 297 00:12:50,686 --> 00:12:54,899 Oh, Mr. Price, I loved you in the Abominable Doct-- 298 00:12:54,982 --> 00:12:56,859 VINCENT: If you are calling about the missing feet, 299 00:12:56,942 --> 00:12:59,403 leave your address and the replacement feet 300 00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:02,531 will be rushed to you by my grandson Jody. 301 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,325 And now, I must return 302 00:13:04,408 --> 00:13:06,577 to the sweet embrace of the crypt, 303 00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:07,787 but I'll be back. 304 00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:09,789 (ghoulish laugh) 305 00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:11,916 So, is he alive or not? 306 00:13:11,999 --> 00:13:16,003 -(beep) -742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield. 307 00:13:16,086 --> 00:13:17,171 Oh, hiya, Maude. 308 00:13:17,254 --> 00:13:18,255 Come on in. 309 00:13:21,550 --> 00:13:23,886 Who needs tickets? Tickets right here. 310 00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:24,804 How about you, slick? 311 00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:27,640 Scalping tickets to the Super Bowl. 312 00:13:27,723 --> 00:13:29,433 Have you no shame, sir? 313 00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:31,185 I should give you a royal caning. 314 00:13:31,268 --> 00:13:34,438 (cheering in agreement) 315 00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:36,774 Hey, hey, I'm just trying to make an honest buck. 316 00:13:36,857 --> 00:13:40,194 Ah, get lost, you bloodsucking parasite. 317 00:13:40,277 --> 00:13:42,029 Wally and I have all the tickets we need. 318 00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:46,200 Uh, sorry, fellas, but these tickets are counterfeit. 319 00:13:46,283 --> 00:13:48,160 -What? -Counterfeit? 320 00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:49,954 Yeah, see, the hologram's missing, 321 00:13:50,037 --> 00:13:52,665 and there's no such team as The Spungos, 322 00:13:52,748 --> 00:13:56,585 and finally, these seem to be printed on some sort of cracker. 323 00:13:57,002 --> 00:13:58,754 Stop eating our tickets! 324 00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:01,757 Oh, how could I fall for fake tickets? 325 00:14:02,216 --> 00:14:04,468 Gee, the fellas are gonna be crestfallen. 326 00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:07,513 Yes, if by "crestfallen," you mean "kill us." 327 00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:08,722 Listen, let me talk to them. 328 00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:10,057 Maybe I can smooth this over. 329 00:14:10,432 --> 00:14:12,142 (sweetly) My friends... 330 00:14:12,226 --> 00:14:13,644 They don't have the tickets! 331 00:14:13,727 --> 00:14:14,937 -Kill 'em! -(all shouting) 332 00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:16,564 Please, my friends... Ow! 333 00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:18,482 All right! I'll get you into the game! 334 00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:23,737 Excuse me, uh... Mr. Scalper, sir. 335 00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:25,531 Have I told you that I love you? 336 00:14:25,614 --> 00:14:26,490 Forget it. 337 00:14:26,574 --> 00:14:28,868 You'll just hurt me like all the others. 338 00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:31,412 OK, Moe, I believe you had me by the throat. 339 00:14:31,495 --> 00:14:33,581 Reverend Lovejoy was working the body. 340 00:14:33,664 --> 00:14:35,374 Wait. Dad, look. 341 00:14:36,917 --> 00:14:38,252 Hello. 342 00:14:38,335 --> 00:14:40,212 Gentlemen, I have an idea. 343 00:14:42,756 --> 00:14:43,924 (grunts) Run! 344 00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:46,302 (cheering and hooting) 345 00:14:46,927 --> 00:14:48,012 -OFFICER: Get back here! -(whistling) 346 00:14:48,095 --> 00:14:50,180 We can still make the kickoff! 347 00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:51,807 Here comes the kick! 348 00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:55,269 (yell crescendos) 349 00:14:55,352 --> 00:14:56,395 Ow! 350 00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:58,230 Yay! 351 00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:00,608 As a doctor, I'd say he's had enough... 352 00:15:00,983 --> 00:15:02,860 but as a football fan... 353 00:15:02,943 --> 00:15:06,071 -(yell crescendos) -Aaah! 354 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:10,200 (wind whistling) 355 00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:22,171 (honks) 356 00:15:22,254 --> 00:15:26,884 (ZZ Top's "Legs" playing) 357 00:15:38,312 --> 00:15:39,271 MAN: The church... 358 00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:41,690 we've made a few changes. 359 00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:46,111 These Super Bowl commercials are weird. 360 00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:48,614 MAN: Just about ready for the second quarter here in Miami. 361 00:15:48,697 --> 00:15:49,573 I tell you, Pat, 362 00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:51,951 that wild first quarter blew out my telestrator, 363 00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:53,702 and now the fans are screaming for more. 364 00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:55,663 (screaming) 365 00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:57,164 Let us out of here! 366 00:15:57,247 --> 00:15:58,916 Relax, Simpson, relax. 367 00:15:58,999 --> 00:16:00,918 A little-known fact about jail cells 368 00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:04,630 is they always have one phony bar for, like, emergencies. 369 00:16:05,172 --> 00:16:08,634 Real, real, real, real, real. 370 00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:10,928 So, by the process of elimination, 371 00:16:11,011 --> 00:16:12,304 this one is the fake. 372 00:16:13,263 --> 00:16:15,724 (yells) Ah, that's painful. 373 00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:17,643 (crowd cheering on TV) 374 00:16:17,726 --> 00:16:20,562 Ah, nuts. That sounds like a touchdown. 375 00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:21,772 (all groaning) 376 00:16:21,855 --> 00:16:23,732 No, no, no. I know my roars, 377 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,193 and that was most definitely a safety. 378 00:16:26,276 --> 00:16:27,361 (groaning) 379 00:16:27,444 --> 00:16:28,278 Man. 380 00:16:28,362 --> 00:16:30,823 Gosh, fellas, to see you all stuck in here 381 00:16:30,906 --> 00:16:33,617 when even guys in China can watch all the action 382 00:16:33,701 --> 00:16:35,995 from their town squares or what have you, 383 00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:39,248 well, I just feel pretty doggone bad. 384 00:16:39,331 --> 00:16:41,208 If they were electing a president of Dumbville, 385 00:16:41,291 --> 00:16:42,960 I'd have to nominate me. 386 00:16:43,043 --> 00:16:44,086 You got my vote. 387 00:16:44,169 --> 00:16:45,754 Oh, we're never going to get out of... 388 00:16:46,755 --> 00:16:48,132 Psst! Cleaning lady! 389 00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:49,842 Would you let us out of here? 390 00:16:49,925 --> 00:16:52,511 Me? I'm Dolly Parton. 391 00:16:52,594 --> 00:16:54,221 I didn't ask for your life story, just the key. 392 00:16:54,304 --> 00:16:58,183 Young man, where I come from, the South, folks say "please," 393 00:16:58,267 --> 00:17:00,185 and besides, I got to go sing a medley 394 00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:01,854 with Rob Lowe and Stomp. 395 00:17:02,521 --> 00:17:03,397 Dolly, wait! 396 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:04,481 Wally? 397 00:17:04,565 --> 00:17:06,400 You know Dolly Parton? 398 00:17:06,483 --> 00:17:08,736 Yeah. I book a lot of package tours to Dollywood 399 00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:10,070 and Euro-Dollywood. 400 00:17:10,154 --> 00:17:11,071 That's in Alabama. 401 00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:12,531 Wally Kogen, 402 00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:15,284 what are you doing in Super Bowl jail? 403 00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:17,036 Ask her if she'll go out with me. 404 00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:19,204 We had a little ticket snafu. 405 00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:21,498 Do you think you can bust old Wally and his pals 406 00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:22,416 out of the pokey? 407 00:17:22,499 --> 00:17:23,917 Well, I do have 408 00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:26,295 some of my extra-strength makeup remover. 409 00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:27,588 Uh, shield your eyes. 410 00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:31,258 (sizzling) 411 00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:34,094 (all cheering) 412 00:17:34,178 --> 00:17:35,679 Oh, thanks, Miss Parton. 413 00:17:35,763 --> 00:17:37,514 Oh, way to go, Dolly. 414 00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:38,432 -Thanks, babe. -Will you go out with me? 415 00:17:38,515 --> 00:17:40,017 Ooh, look at the time. 416 00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:42,061 I better scoot to that halftime show. 417 00:17:42,144 --> 00:17:43,270 See y'all. 418 00:17:44,688 --> 00:17:47,024 Oh, man, that's gonna be some show. 419 00:17:47,608 --> 00:17:50,736 Who's ready for some football? 420 00:17:50,819 --> 00:17:52,488 Football! 421 00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:53,822 (cheering) 422 00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:55,365 ("Song 2" by Blur playing) 423 00:18:00,996 --> 00:18:03,415 Hey, Homer, we've been running around cheering for an hour. 424 00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:04,500 Where the hell's the game? 425 00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:06,794 -Yeah, where's the game? -BART: Yeah, where's the game? 426 00:18:06,877 --> 00:18:08,504 You guys are following me? 427 00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:10,380 I was following Flanders. 428 00:18:11,548 --> 00:18:12,966 Hey, look what I found. 429 00:18:14,885 --> 00:18:15,928 Whoo-hoo! 430 00:18:16,011 --> 00:18:18,722 (crowd cheering) 431 00:18:20,724 --> 00:18:21,558 Hey. 432 00:18:23,227 --> 00:18:25,104 -Hey, somebody just scored. -HOMER: In a minute. 433 00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:28,107 (all chattering) 434 00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:29,274 (helicopter whirring) 435 00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:31,401 HOMER: Hey, it's the beer copter! 436 00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:38,784 What the bloody hell? 437 00:18:38,867 --> 00:18:42,371 Hit the road, gramps. This is a private sky box. 438 00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:44,706 I'm Rupert Murdoch, the billionaire tyrant, 439 00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:46,416 and this is my sky box. 440 00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:48,794 If you're Rupert Murdoch, prove it. 441 00:18:48,877 --> 00:18:50,754 (whispering) 442 00:18:51,505 --> 00:18:53,340 (20th Century Fox Fanfare) 443 00:18:53,882 --> 00:18:55,592 CROWD: Hi, Rupert! 444 00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:57,177 ALL: Uh-oh. 445 00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:58,637 Well, I'm convinced. 446 00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:00,222 Tell you what, Mr. Murdoch, 447 00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:01,807 let's just split the difference. 448 00:19:01,890 --> 00:19:04,268 The boys and I will just crouch here quietly 449 00:19:04,351 --> 00:19:05,727 and take it easy on the snacks... 450 00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:06,687 Silence! 451 00:19:08,021 --> 00:19:09,022 Seize them! 452 00:19:09,106 --> 00:19:11,441 (terrified yelling) 453 00:19:13,735 --> 00:19:15,654 Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi! 454 00:19:15,737 --> 00:19:17,865 (crowd cheering) 455 00:19:17,948 --> 00:19:19,491 The game! We're so close. 456 00:19:19,575 --> 00:19:21,118 Follow me, boys! 457 00:19:21,201 --> 00:19:24,246 We're finally going to the Super... Ow! 458 00:19:24,329 --> 00:19:26,039 We did it! We're number one! 459 00:19:26,123 --> 00:19:26,999 We're rich! 460 00:19:27,082 --> 00:19:28,250 How does it feel? 461 00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:29,418 Did you ever stop believing? 462 00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:30,878 Does this suit make me look fat? 463 00:19:32,212 --> 00:19:34,214 Players and VIPs only. 464 00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:35,966 (reporters groaning) 465 00:19:36,049 --> 00:19:38,343 (cheering) 466 00:19:38,427 --> 00:19:39,636 I can't believe it! 467 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,847 We're actually in the winning locker room. 468 00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:44,141 Whoo! I'm going to Disneyland. 469 00:19:44,224 --> 00:19:46,435 Really? Cause I'm a travel agent 470 00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:48,645 and I've heard nothing but bad things. 471 00:19:49,771 --> 00:19:51,023 (grunting) 472 00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:55,485 (phone ringing) 473 00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:56,403 Y'ello. 474 00:19:56,486 --> 00:19:58,280 Uh, hello, this is President Clinton. 475 00:19:58,363 --> 00:19:59,615 Hey, how you doing? 476 00:19:59,698 --> 00:20:01,491 You know, your determination and grit 477 00:20:01,575 --> 00:20:04,077 under extreme pressure are an inspiration. 478 00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:06,163 The whole country is proud of you. 479 00:20:06,246 --> 00:20:08,123 Well, it's about time. 480 00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:10,459 And on behalf of America, I'd like to-- 481 00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:11,418 Ow! 482 00:20:11,501 --> 00:20:13,545 (laughing) Oh! All right, Lovejoy. 483 00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:14,755 You're gonna get it. 484 00:20:14,838 --> 00:20:16,381 Hello? Hello? 485 00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:17,966 I command you to answer me! 486 00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:19,092 Hello? 487 00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:21,762 Al, do you have to do that right now? 488 00:20:24,848 --> 00:20:27,434 What are you gonna do with your Super Bowl ring, Carl? 489 00:20:27,517 --> 00:20:28,936 I'll probably give it to my wife. 490 00:20:29,019 --> 00:20:30,145 It's our anniversary today. 491 00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:31,647 ALL: Ah! 492 00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:33,148 Dad, that doesn't belong to you. 493 00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:35,525 But this might be my last chance to win one. 494 00:20:35,609 --> 00:20:38,528 Well, we sure put together a heck of a trip, Homer. 495 00:20:38,612 --> 00:20:40,113 Ever thought about being a travel agent? 496 00:20:40,197 --> 00:20:42,574 Wally, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't. 497 00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:45,869 Cause you can really "go places" in the travel business. 498 00:20:45,953 --> 00:20:47,120 (laughs) 499 00:20:47,204 --> 00:20:48,705 Feel free to use that one. 500 00:20:48,789 --> 00:20:49,665 What one? 501 00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:55,254 Well, John, what did you think of tonight's episode? 502 00:20:55,337 --> 00:20:56,255 I loved it. 503 00:20:56,338 --> 00:20:58,840 The last-minute addition of Wally Kogen to the lineup 504 00:20:58,924 --> 00:21:01,426 was a bit of a gamble, but it really paid off. 505 00:21:01,510 --> 00:21:03,887 Marge and Lisa painting eggs? 506 00:21:03,971 --> 00:21:04,805 Did that work for you? 507 00:21:04,888 --> 00:21:06,181 Oh, big time. 508 00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:08,767 They came off the bench with a huge effort 509 00:21:08,850 --> 00:21:11,979 that allowed Homer and Bart to make some significant gains. 510 00:21:12,062 --> 00:21:13,313 Did it strike you as odd 511 00:21:13,397 --> 00:21:15,732 that in a Super Bowl show with Dolly Parton, 512 00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:17,943 we didn't see any football or singing? 513 00:21:18,026 --> 00:21:19,611 I hadn't thought about it, Pat, 514 00:21:19,695 --> 00:21:21,738 but in retrospect, it was kind of a rip-off. 515 00:21:21,822 --> 00:21:23,949 What a way to treat the loyal fans 516 00:21:24,032 --> 00:21:27,035 who put up with so much nonsense from this franchise. 517 00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:28,578 Any final thoughts? 518 00:21:28,662 --> 00:21:29,663 Nah, I'm too mad. 519 00:21:29,746 --> 00:21:30,831 Let's get the heck out of here. 520 00:21:32,499 --> 00:21:33,959 All aboard, boys. 521 00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:35,961 I've been waiting for you. 522 00:21:36,461 --> 00:21:38,547 Now, I'll tell you. That doesn't make a lick of sense. 523 00:21:38,630 --> 00:21:40,757 I know. Just get on the bus. 524 00:21:40,841 --> 00:21:41,842 (gears grinding) 525 00:21:41,925 --> 00:21:43,677 VINCENT: Where's that infernal clutch? 526 00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:46,263 Wait, wait. I'll get it. 527 00:21:46,638 --> 00:21:48,223 JODY: Give it some gas, Grandpa. 528 00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:50,767 VINCENT: Oh, quiet, Jody. You're not helping. 529 00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:52,394 (gears grinding) 530 00:21:52,477 --> 00:21:54,187 (rock music) 531 00:21:57,816 --> 00:22:00,736 (theme music playing) 532 00:22:38,565 --> 00:22:39,441 RUPERT MURDOCH: Silence! 533 00:22:42,778 --> 00:22:44,821 {\an8}Captioned by Visual Data Media Services