1 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:06,589 CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:10,135 --> 00:00:11,553 (theme music playing) 3 00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,810 (bell ringing) 4 00:00:24,065 --> 00:00:25,108 [alarm sounding) 5 00:00:29,904 --> 00:00:30,864 (beeps) 6 00:00:35,368 --> 00:00:38,204 (playing the blues) 7 00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:39,456 (jazzy solo) 8 00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:48,548 (clinks) 9 00:00:58,933 --> 00:00:59,934 (horn honking) 10 00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:02,687 (tires screeching) 11 00:01:04,355 --> 00:01:06,107 D'oh! (screams) 12 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:11,571 (yelling) 13 00:01:22,957 --> 00:01:25,502 {\an8}ANNOUNCER: Okay, FDR is in the White House, 14 00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:27,712 {\an8}an ice cream cone costs a nickel, 15 00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:30,048 {\an8}and a hot new tune by Benny Goodman 16 00:01:30,131 --> 00:01:31,466 {\an8}is hitting the charts. 17 00:01:31,549 --> 00:01:34,803 {\an8}-The year is 1939. -(snoring) 18 00:01:34,886 --> 00:01:37,180 {\an8}19... 1939! 19 00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:39,557 {\an8}Oh, my God. I've gone back in time! 20 00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:41,976 {\an8}I've got to warn everybody about Hitler! 21 00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:43,770 {\an8}And get to the ice cream store! 22 00:01:43,853 --> 00:01:45,688 {\an8}Hey, Homer, what's all the hubbub? 23 00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:48,108 {\an8}Let me guess-- you travel back in time again? 24 00:01:48,191 --> 00:01:50,527 {\an8}Shut up. You haven't even been born yet. 25 00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:52,529 {\an8}Easy, Homer, I'll bring you back. 26 00:01:53,863 --> 00:01:54,823 {\an8}(tuning radio) 27 00:01:54,906 --> 00:01:57,033 {\an8}("The Safety Dance" playing) 28 00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:59,786 {\an8}Oh, boy, am I glad to see you guys. 29 00:01:59,869 --> 00:02:01,663 {\an8}MARTY: That was Men Without Hats. 30 00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:05,250 {\an8}Or as they're known today... Men Without Jobs! 31 00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:06,626 {\an8}(laughing) 32 00:02:06,709 --> 00:02:07,919 {\an8}BILL: Hey, don't go there, Marty. 33 00:02:08,002 --> 00:02:08,920 {\an8}MARTY: I'm not going anywhere. 34 00:02:09,003 --> 00:02:11,881 {\an8}I'm staying right here at P. J. O'Harrigan's! 35 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,425 {\an8}We're broadcasting live from P. J. O'H's 36 00:02:14,509 --> 00:02:15,969 {\an8}and this place makes Animal House 37 00:02:16,052 --> 00:02:17,595 {\an8}look like Terms of Endearment! 38 00:02:17,679 --> 00:02:19,806 {\an8}We're kicking off our 35th consecutive happy hour 39 00:02:19,889 --> 00:02:20,974 {\an8}with no end in sight. 40 00:02:21,057 --> 00:02:23,309 {\an8}-So come on down. -(cheering) 41 00:02:23,393 --> 00:02:25,687 {\an8}Man, that sounds like a swinging shindig. 42 00:02:25,770 --> 00:02:28,231 {\an8}Yeah, too bad we got to work, huh, Homer? 43 00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:29,399 {\an8}Homer? 44 00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:31,401 {\an8}HOMER: Woo-hoo! Let's party! 45 00:02:31,484 --> 00:02:33,403 {\an8}Wake up, Homer. 46 00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:34,487 {\an8}Eh? 47 00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:35,905 {\an8}Come on. Move your butt. 48 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,532 {\an8}You're blocking traffic. 49 00:02:37,615 --> 00:02:38,700 {\an8}(honking horn) 50 00:02:38,783 --> 00:02:40,160 {\an8}That's no way to address 51 00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:41,369 {\an8}Sir Drinks-A-Lot. 52 00:02:41,452 --> 00:02:43,037 {\an8}(groans) 53 00:02:43,121 --> 00:02:44,873 {\an8}Come on. Let's get you inside 54 00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:46,624 {\an8}and scrape the gum out of your hair. 55 00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:47,876 {\an8}Okay... 56 00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:49,294 {\an8}Hey, Marge, 57 00:02:49,377 --> 00:02:52,589 what's your favorite radio station? 58 00:02:55,049 --> 00:02:57,343 {\an8}-Well, Marge... -What? 59 00:02:57,427 --> 00:02:59,345 {\an8}What's your favorite radio station? 60 00:02:59,429 --> 00:03:00,930 {\an8}Okay, Dad. We're ready. 61 00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,432 Hey, that's super. 62 00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:03,600 See you later. 63 00:03:04,559 --> 00:03:05,894 Dad, don't you remember? 64 00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:07,687 It's our special Saturday. 65 00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:09,898 You agreed to spend one Saturday a month 66 00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:11,316 doing something with the kids. 67 00:03:11,399 --> 00:03:12,859 Oh! 68 00:03:12,942 --> 00:03:14,402 Oh, quit complaining. 69 00:03:14,485 --> 00:03:16,154 It's half the work of a divorced dad. 70 00:03:16,237 --> 00:03:19,532 Yeah, but it's twice as much as a deadbeat dad. 71 00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:20,867 Homer! 72 00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:22,702 They know I'm kidding. 73 00:03:22,785 --> 00:03:24,162 (both moaning) 74 00:03:24,537 --> 00:03:26,581 Okay, Bart, it's your turn to pick. 75 00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:29,209 Where are we headed? Bowling? Demolition Derby? 76 00:03:29,292 --> 00:03:30,919 P. J. O'Harrigan's? 77 00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:33,171 Isn't that a funny name? Huh? Huh? 78 00:03:33,254 --> 00:03:36,216 {\an8}Hysterical. But I traded my turn to Lisa for her dessert. 79 00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:39,594 -No! We did a Lisa thing last month! -MARGE: (grumbles) 80 00:03:39,677 --> 00:03:42,055 (laughing) And I'm glad we did. 81 00:03:42,138 --> 00:03:43,806 But now I think we should do something 82 00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:45,099 normal people would like. 83 00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:46,267 Why do you assume that I won't 84 00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:47,602 pick something fun? 85 00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:49,729 Let's see. 86 00:03:49,812 --> 00:03:52,023 -Oh, this looks very educational. -Oh! 87 00:03:52,106 --> 00:03:54,359 Well, this could be quite enlightening. 88 00:03:54,442 --> 00:03:57,362 -Oh! Oh! -Fine. How about-- 89 00:03:57,445 --> 00:03:59,239 She didn't say it yet. 90 00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:01,199 -Go ahead, sweetie. -The book fair? 91 00:04:01,282 --> 00:04:02,575 Oh, no. 92 00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:04,077 I'm not falling for that again. 93 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:06,287 If it doesn't have Siamese twins in a jar, 94 00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:07,747 it's not a fair. 95 00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:11,084 Oh, this is perfect. 96 00:04:11,167 --> 00:04:12,919 We're going to go see Marmaduke? 97 00:04:13,002 --> 00:04:15,630 No, the Smithsonian Traveling Exhibit. 98 00:04:15,713 --> 00:04:19,050 It encapsulates America and makes history come alive. 99 00:04:19,133 --> 00:04:20,510 What? And Marmaduke doesn't? 100 00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:22,804 Sorry, Dad. My mind is made up. 101 00:04:22,887 --> 00:04:25,598 This is your fault for trading away your turn. 102 00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:27,225 Just for that, no dessert tonight. 103 00:04:27,308 --> 00:04:28,226 Trade you my next turn for your dessert. 104 00:04:28,309 --> 00:04:29,352 -Deal. -D'oh! 105 00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:33,147 Hey, how come the Smithsonian 106 00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:36,150 needs to be sponsored by a cell phone company? 107 00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:37,568 I can answer that. 108 00:04:37,652 --> 00:04:38,945 Uncle Sam needs to spend our tax dollars 109 00:04:39,028 --> 00:04:40,154 on the essentials. 110 00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:41,906 Anti-tobacco programs, 111 00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:43,241 pro-tobacco programs, 112 00:04:43,324 --> 00:04:45,451 killing wild donkeys, and Israel. 113 00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:46,953 Good old government. 114 00:04:47,036 --> 00:04:48,871 Yeah, but corporate sponsorship 115 00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:51,291 cheapens our nation's treasures. 116 00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:53,626 Actually, they're Omnitouch's treasures now. 117 00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:55,586 We bought them during the last budget crisis. 118 00:05:01,384 --> 00:05:03,928 {\an8}(gasping) Look, they have Lincoln's hat. 119 00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:08,349 Thank God for grave robbers. 120 00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:10,810 Oh, America's greatest citizen 121 00:05:10,893 --> 00:05:13,438 summed up in one piece of clothing. 122 00:05:13,521 --> 00:05:15,648 HOMER (gasping): Fonzie's jacket! 123 00:05:16,607 --> 00:05:17,608 Who's Fonzie? 124 00:05:17,692 --> 00:05:19,110 "Who's Fonzie?" 125 00:05:19,193 --> 00:05:21,029 Don't they teach you anything in school? 126 00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:22,947 He freed the squares. 127 00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:25,241 How can they put a prop from a TV show 128 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,493 next to the Bill of Rights? 129 00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:29,746 So what's so great about the Bill of Rights? 130 00:05:29,829 --> 00:05:32,707 It guarantees all of the basic freedoms. 131 00:05:32,790 --> 00:05:35,918 {\an8}Speech, religion, the right to a speedy trial... 132 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:37,045 HOMER: Where? I don't see that. 133 00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:38,338 (gasping) Dad! 134 00:05:38,421 --> 00:05:39,797 Don't do that! 135 00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:42,050 -(alarm buzzing) -(guns cocking) 136 00:05:42,133 --> 00:05:44,218 Get out of Archie Bunker's chair! Now! 137 00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:47,096 Relax. I'm just boning up on the old constitution. 138 00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:50,391 Oh, you're going to regret that, pinko. 139 00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:51,893 Oh, I am so sick of people 140 00:05:51,976 --> 00:05:53,227 hiding behind the Bill of Rights. 141 00:05:53,311 --> 00:05:55,021 Look, he got chocolate on it. 142 00:05:55,104 --> 00:05:57,732 I didn't mean to. Look... 143 00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:00,610 Mm-hmm. You just licked off the part 144 00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:02,362 that forbids cruel and unusual punishment. 145 00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:03,696 (chuckling) 146 00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:05,198 Beautiful. 147 00:06:05,281 --> 00:06:07,158 Really? That much? 148 00:06:07,241 --> 00:06:10,119 It's going to cost $10,000 to repair that document. 149 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:11,245 What? 150 00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:13,081 Of course, Omnitouch understands 151 00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:15,875 that real money doesn't grow on trees. Not these days. 152 00:06:15,958 --> 00:06:19,087 Finally, a company that understands my needs. 153 00:06:19,170 --> 00:06:20,421 We sure do. 154 00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:21,589 It's called caring. 155 00:06:21,672 --> 00:06:22,882 So, we're even then? 156 00:06:22,965 --> 00:06:24,592 Not by a long shot. 157 00:06:24,675 --> 00:06:26,719 But I have a solution that'll work out for both of us. 158 00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:27,804 Especially you. 159 00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:32,517 I don't want a cellular transmitter 160 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:34,185 sticking out of my roof. 161 00:06:34,268 --> 00:06:36,854 We prefer to think of them as "keep in touch towers." 162 00:06:36,938 --> 00:06:39,065 It's called caring, Marge. 163 00:06:39,148 --> 00:06:40,483 Plus, you've increased 164 00:06:40,566 --> 00:06:42,735 Springfield's roaming capabilities 64%. 165 00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:44,821 You've got to admit, Marge, that's a lot more roaming. 166 00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:47,073 Oh, I guess. 167 00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:52,203 Hey, this is pretty comfortable. 168 00:06:52,286 --> 00:06:54,914 That Andy Capp was on to something. 169 00:06:54,997 --> 00:06:57,417 Ugh. That antenna is an eyesore. 170 00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,085 Just pretend it's a tree, honey. 171 00:06:59,168 --> 00:07:02,922 Or as we say at Omnitouch, a "progress tree." 172 00:07:03,005 --> 00:07:05,091 Yeah, well, I hope it doesn't hum too loud 173 00:07:05,174 --> 00:07:06,592 'cause I have a ton of homework to do 174 00:07:06,676 --> 00:07:07,844 and if don't finish it by... 175 00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:08,928 (screams) 176 00:07:09,011 --> 00:07:10,596 My room! 177 00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:13,474 What? I heard a yell. 178 00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:14,767 Did you touch a wire? 179 00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:16,936 What happened to my room? 180 00:07:17,019 --> 00:07:19,063 Nothing. They just needed a place to put 181 00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:20,857 all the electronic gizmos 182 00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:24,068 and I know much you like that science-y stuff, so I decid-- 183 00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:27,238 You gave away my room? 184 00:07:27,321 --> 00:07:29,240 Come on, Lisa, try and see this 185 00:07:29,323 --> 00:07:31,868 from the Omnitouch Corporation's point of view. 186 00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:33,161 Your father's right, Lisa. 187 00:07:33,244 --> 00:07:34,662 Cellular service is about 188 00:07:34,745 --> 00:07:36,080 communication and unity. 189 00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:37,373 Community. 190 00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:39,542 Hmm. 191 00:07:40,334 --> 00:07:42,378 Oh... 192 00:07:50,344 --> 00:07:52,138 I can't believe you did this, Dad. 193 00:07:52,221 --> 00:07:54,599 Why didn't you put that thing in your room? 194 00:07:54,682 --> 00:07:56,726 Hmm, that thought never occurred to me. 195 00:07:56,809 --> 00:07:58,644 Funny how your mind works in a crisis. 196 00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:00,146 It's just until we pay off 197 00:08:00,229 --> 00:08:02,482 Daddy's desecration of a priceless artifact. 198 00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:05,318 {\an8}I thought I'd never have to say that again. 199 00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:08,237 Uh. But where am I supposed to live? 200 00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:11,532 Lisa... what's your favorite movie? 201 00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:13,993 {\an8}Until you taped over it, The Little Mermaid. 202 00:08:14,076 --> 00:08:16,454 That's right, The Odd Couple. 203 00:08:16,537 --> 00:08:17,914 So meet your comically 204 00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:20,500 mismatched roommate, Bart Simpson! 205 00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:22,752 (hums "The Odd Couple" theme) 206 00:08:25,129 --> 00:08:27,632 I'm going to make your life a living hell. 207 00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:28,633 Uh-oh. 208 00:08:28,716 --> 00:08:30,343 (humming continues) 209 00:08:33,262 --> 00:08:34,138 Dad! 210 00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:37,433 Whoa. 211 00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:42,104 Okay, if you're going to live in my room 212 00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:43,940 you're going to obey my rules. 213 00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:46,359 One, I am Bart, thy god. 214 00:08:46,442 --> 00:08:48,861 If I am out, the Krusty doll is thy god. 215 00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:50,238 If the doll's with me, 216 00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:51,364 you will worship the Night-light. 217 00:08:51,447 --> 00:08:52,698 Should the Night-light 218 00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:53,824 be unable to fulfill its duties... 219 00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:55,493 -Shut up. -You shut up. 220 00:08:55,576 --> 00:08:57,828 Oh, this is not going to work. 221 00:08:57,912 --> 00:08:58,996 No, you shut up. 222 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:00,623 (groaning) Oh... 223 00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:01,791 (electric current crackling) 224 00:09:09,298 --> 00:09:11,342 -PRINCIPAL SKINNER: Hello, Mother? -(gasping) Maggie? 225 00:09:11,425 --> 00:09:12,969 MRS. SKINNER: Seymour, you were supposed 226 00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:15,179 to call me three minutes ago. 227 00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:17,014 Sorry, Mother, I was driving through a tunnel 228 00:09:17,098 --> 00:09:18,432 and my cell phone wouldn't work. 229 00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:20,643 I don't want you driving through tunnels. 230 00:09:20,726 --> 00:09:22,144 You know what that symbolizes. 231 00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:24,939 But, Mother, it cuts 90 minutes off my drive. 232 00:09:25,022 --> 00:09:26,482 MRS. SKINNER: No tunnels! 233 00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,109 Homer, we're picking up cell phone calls 234 00:09:28,192 --> 00:09:29,360 over the baby monitor. 235 00:09:29,443 --> 00:09:31,070 Whoo! Anything spicy? 236 00:09:31,153 --> 00:09:32,655 Oh, that's not the point. 237 00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:35,157 We should report this to an Omnitouch care rep. 238 00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:37,159 People's privacy is at stake. 239 00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:39,120 Great. I'm going to eat mayonnaise. 240 00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:42,790 (groans) 241 00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,210 (chair squeaking) 242 00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:47,628 Bart, stop it. 243 00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:50,089 -Stop what? -Squeaking that chair. 244 00:09:50,172 --> 00:09:52,008 Hey, that's what I do in my room, Lis. 245 00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:53,259 I squeak my chair. 246 00:09:53,342 --> 00:09:54,760 -(squeaking faster) -Argh! 247 00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:57,638 Oh, quit it, quit it, quit it, quit it! 248 00:09:57,722 --> 00:10:00,433 Well, well, if it isn't Frick and Frack, 249 00:10:00,516 --> 00:10:02,977 Jack and Jill, Fred and Ethel, the three... 250 00:10:03,060 --> 00:10:05,730 Dad, will you please tell Bart to stop squeaking his chair? 251 00:10:05,813 --> 00:10:07,690 I'm trying to do my homework. 252 00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:09,775 Bart, stop squeaking your chair. 253 00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:12,820 If you've got to do something, click this pen. 254 00:10:12,903 --> 00:10:13,946 (clicking) 255 00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:15,364 No! 256 00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:17,491 -Hey, that looks like fun. -Race you. 257 00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:19,535 You're on. Lisa, you play winner. 258 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,120 (rapid clicking) 259 00:10:21,203 --> 00:10:22,788 Come on, come on! 260 00:10:22,872 --> 00:10:24,332 -I'm gaining on ya! -(both laughing) 261 00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,877 Oh, honey, you missed a great race. 262 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:28,961 Bart was winning, but then he said, 263 00:10:29,045 --> 00:10:30,046 "this is stupid," 264 00:10:30,129 --> 00:10:31,464 and he stopped and I won. 265 00:10:31,547 --> 00:10:34,842 Dad, I am trying to do my homework. 266 00:10:34,925 --> 00:10:37,470 Hmm. Hey, you're mad at me. 267 00:10:37,553 --> 00:10:39,138 That wasn't your mayonnaise, was it? 268 00:10:39,221 --> 00:10:42,141 Dad, why did you have to take away my room? 269 00:10:42,224 --> 00:10:43,476 Maybe you'd feel better 270 00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:45,311 if we watched some TV together. 271 00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:47,605 (groans) I just want to study. 272 00:10:47,688 --> 00:10:50,107 -That's no fun. -It is to me. 273 00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:52,109 -No, it's not. -Dad! 274 00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:55,404 Oh, here's something you'll like-- 275 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,573 "When animals attack magicians." 276 00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,241 MAN: Pick a card, any... 277 00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:01,285 -(baboon screeches) -(man screams) 278 00:11:01,369 --> 00:11:03,829 -(chuckling) -That's awful. 279 00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:05,706 -Awful entertaining. -(stomach gurgling) 280 00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:08,751 Oh, my stomach hurts. 281 00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,378 Hey, it's Krusty. 282 00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:12,546 I need you to get me out of another jam. 283 00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:15,049 I picked up this chick last night. 284 00:11:15,132 --> 00:11:16,967 At least I thought she was a chick. 285 00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:18,678 (laughing) 286 00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:21,806 Showbiz is so fascinating. 287 00:11:21,889 --> 00:11:25,768 Uh, Mom, I don't feel so good. 288 00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:27,103 (groans) 289 00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:28,312 What is it, honey? 290 00:11:28,396 --> 00:11:30,690 My tummy really hurts. 291 00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:34,777 Somebody wants mommy to change baby's diaper. 292 00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:37,029 Is that somebody you, Homer? 293 00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:38,823 Yes, it is. 294 00:11:38,906 --> 00:11:41,492 Okay, then you can take Lisa to Dr. Hibbert's. 295 00:11:41,575 --> 00:11:43,661 Great. Maybe on the way back, 296 00:11:43,744 --> 00:11:45,579 we can swing by the Demolition Derby 297 00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:47,206 and have a nice talk. 298 00:11:47,289 --> 00:11:49,208 Oh, sounds great. 299 00:11:49,291 --> 00:11:50,960 -(gurgling) -Lisa, I'm afraid 300 00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:53,546 your tummy ache may be caused by stress. 301 00:11:53,629 --> 00:11:55,214 Well, that's a relief. 302 00:11:55,297 --> 00:11:58,008 (chuckles) Yes. Anyway, when it comes to stress, 303 00:11:58,092 --> 00:12:00,386 I believe laughter is the best medicine. 304 00:12:00,469 --> 00:12:02,471 You know, before I learned to chuckle mindlessly, 305 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,515 I was headed for an early grave myself. 306 00:12:04,598 --> 00:12:06,976 (chuckling) 307 00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:08,102 Give it a try, honey. 308 00:12:08,185 --> 00:12:11,063 (half-hearted chuckling) 309 00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:13,149 Oh, now, you call that chuckling? 310 00:12:13,232 --> 00:12:14,608 Come on, child, force it. 311 00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,610 I'm really not the chuckling type. 312 00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:19,405 It's true. I'm always making clever noises 313 00:12:19,488 --> 00:12:21,449 and she never chuckles at 'em. 314 00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:24,326 Well, I could prescribe some harsh antacids, 315 00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:26,495 but I think Lisa would benefit more 316 00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:29,331 from some herbal teas or aromatherapy. 317 00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:31,709 Yeah, you know, some of that all-natural stuff 318 00:12:31,792 --> 00:12:32,710 is really very... 319 00:12:32,793 --> 00:12:33,794 Oh, no, you don't. 320 00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:36,380 Screw that touchy-queery crap. 321 00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:37,923 We'll take the harsh antacids. 322 00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:40,926 Nothing's too good for my little girl. 323 00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:42,928 I sure settled his hash. 324 00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:44,597 Imagine that quack thinking you'd try 325 00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:46,849 one of those crazy new-age cures. 326 00:12:46,932 --> 00:12:48,768 They're not all crazy, Dad. 327 00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:51,103 Sure they are, honey. 328 00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:53,564 You know, just because you say something is crazy 329 00:12:53,647 --> 00:12:55,566 doesn't make it so, and just because you think 330 00:12:55,649 --> 00:12:57,651 museums are boring and demolition derbies are fun 331 00:12:57,735 --> 00:12:59,278 doesn't make that true, either! 332 00:13:00,905 --> 00:13:02,823 I'm sorry, Lisa. 333 00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:05,159 Oh, it's not your fault. 334 00:13:05,242 --> 00:13:06,994 I know we love each other, Dad, 335 00:13:07,077 --> 00:13:08,871 but we're two very different people, 336 00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:12,625 and, much as I hate to say it, as time goes on, 337 00:13:12,708 --> 00:13:15,503 we'll probably just drift further and further apart. 338 00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:18,756 HOMER: Oh, Lisa, honey, I won't ever let that happen. 339 00:13:20,049 --> 00:13:21,050 Oh. 340 00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:26,889 Dad, you don't have to go to a new-age store just for me. 341 00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:28,974 I know you think this stuff is stupid. 342 00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:30,768 Nah, you must be thinking of your mother. 343 00:13:30,851 --> 00:13:33,395 I'm always exploring alternatives 344 00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:36,524 and expanding my horizons into realms of... 345 00:13:37,858 --> 00:13:38,818 Can't we just go in? 346 00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:39,944 (bell ringing) 347 00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,489 Oh, good... I've been meaning to buy a... 348 00:13:43,572 --> 00:13:45,866 {\an8}"dream-catcher"? Give me a break. 349 00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:47,743 {\an8}I just wish you could keep an open mind 350 00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:49,078 {\an8}about other cultures. 351 00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:50,496 Other cultures are fine. 352 00:13:50,579 --> 00:13:51,872 I'm just saying I can get along in life 353 00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:54,208 without a... "toothbrush." 354 00:13:54,291 --> 00:13:55,501 Namaste. 355 00:13:55,584 --> 00:13:57,837 And, uh, ooga-booga to you, too. 356 00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:00,089 May I tell you about our white-light specials? 357 00:14:00,172 --> 00:14:02,967 Absolutely not. My little girl's tummy hurts. 358 00:14:03,050 --> 00:14:04,802 Do you have anything to stop her complaining? 359 00:14:04,885 --> 00:14:06,178 Dad! 360 00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:07,388 Here... 361 00:14:07,471 --> 00:14:08,973 try this wheat grass juice. 362 00:14:10,015 --> 00:14:11,725 (slurping) Blah! 363 00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:13,435 Well, your tongue works. 364 00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:14,812 Mm-hmm. Hmm... 365 00:14:14,895 --> 00:14:16,438 Let's try some oil of Lorenzo, 366 00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:18,566 and, uh, what's keeping Joan Rivers alive? 367 00:14:18,649 --> 00:14:20,067 Fetal grindings, 368 00:14:20,150 --> 00:14:21,819 but I have a better idea. 369 00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:24,655 Oh, no, no freezing. 370 00:14:24,738 --> 00:14:26,198 No, Mr. Simpson, 371 00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:28,868 this is a sensory-deprivation tank. 372 00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:31,495 It blocks out all the external distractions 373 00:14:31,579 --> 00:14:33,706 -that bombard our souls. -Can you pee in it? 374 00:14:33,789 --> 00:14:35,624 -I'll take two hours. -Me, too. 375 00:14:36,917 --> 00:14:39,420 You're about to take a journey into the mind. 376 00:14:39,503 --> 00:14:41,297 You may see and experience things 377 00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:43,048 that are strange and frightening, 378 00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:45,843 but remember, they can't physically harm you, 379 00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:47,887 though they may destroy you mentally. 380 00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:49,013 HOMER: So what? 381 00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,731 LISA: Ah, this is kind of relaxing, 382 00:14:58,814 --> 00:15:00,774 but it's so hard to turn off my brain. 383 00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:02,651 I have to stop thinking, 384 00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,862 starting... now. 385 00:15:04,945 --> 00:15:06,280 Hey, it worked. 386 00:15:06,363 --> 00:15:07,489 Oh, no, that's thinking. 387 00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:10,826 HOMER: Boring. 388 00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:14,872 (over radio) Lenny, how you doing? It's Moe. 389 00:15:14,955 --> 00:15:16,749 I got some class-three gossip here. 390 00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:18,083 LENNY: Well... dish. 391 00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:19,460 MOE: Groundskeeper Willie, 392 00:15:19,543 --> 00:15:21,003 you know, the guy in the skirt? 393 00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:22,630 He bought himself a mail-order bride, 394 00:15:22,713 --> 00:15:24,715 but he was too cheap to pay the C.O.D. Right? 395 00:15:24,798 --> 00:15:27,384 So she's still in the crate down at the post office. 396 00:15:27,468 --> 00:15:30,012 -You want to go... -Ooh, this sounds juicy. 397 00:15:31,972 --> 00:15:33,223 Hmm... 398 00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:35,893 Hey, Milhouse, want to have some fun? 399 00:15:35,976 --> 00:15:36,894 Uh... 400 00:15:36,977 --> 00:15:38,312 Okay. 401 00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:44,693 {\an8}How am I supposed to hallucinate with all these swirling colors 402 00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:45,986 {\an8}distracting me? 403 00:15:47,821 --> 00:15:49,073 Hey... 404 00:15:49,156 --> 00:15:51,575 Oh, it's a ball of yarn. 405 00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:52,743 That's funny. 406 00:15:52,826 --> 00:15:54,787 I feel like batting it around. 407 00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:56,789 Wow, I have a paw! 408 00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:02,169 Oh, my gosh. 409 00:16:02,252 --> 00:16:04,421 I've entered the body of our cat. 410 00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:05,631 (sucking) 411 00:16:05,714 --> 00:16:07,508 Ah! Maggie! 412 00:16:07,591 --> 00:16:10,094 Hey, hey, get your sticky hands off me. 413 00:16:10,177 --> 00:16:11,095 Ow! 414 00:16:11,178 --> 00:16:12,513 (hisses) 415 00:16:12,596 --> 00:16:14,640 Oh, bad cat. Leave her alone. 416 00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:15,849 (grunts) 417 00:16:15,933 --> 00:16:17,059 LISA: (screams) 418 00:16:18,686 --> 00:16:22,106 {\an8}Wow, my mind just created that out of nothing. 419 00:16:22,189 --> 00:16:25,484 {\an8}This tank is releasing the full potential of my brain. 420 00:16:25,567 --> 00:16:27,152 ♪ Ooh-eee ooh-ah-ah ♪ 421 00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:29,154 ♪ Ting-tang, walla-walla-bing-bang ♪ 422 00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:30,698 ♪ Ooh-eee ooh-ah-ah ♪ 423 00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:32,324 ♪ Walla-bing-bang ting-ting, too... ♪ 424 00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:36,829 Come on, come on, I need some gossip here. 425 00:16:36,912 --> 00:16:38,330 Where is everybody? 426 00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:40,499 Does this town shut down at 5:00? 427 00:16:40,582 --> 00:16:42,418 Frankie, it's me, Killer. 428 00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:45,170 I just busted out of prison and the cops are after me. 429 00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:47,756 Ooh, talk to me, baby. 430 00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:50,926 Okay, I think I lost them. 431 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,595 -(mooing) -Uh-oh, a cow. 432 00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:55,014 Eat lead, bossy. 433 00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:57,725 Listen, Tony, I need someplace to hide. 434 00:16:57,808 --> 00:17:00,352 Oh, this place looks good-- 435 00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:03,689 "742 Evergreen Terrace." 436 00:17:03,772 --> 00:17:06,233 -(gasps) -Now, to open the door 437 00:17:06,316 --> 00:17:09,778 and kill whoever's inside. 438 00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:12,781 I'll start by turning the knob. 439 00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,116 (laughing) 440 00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:15,784 Got you, Mrs... 441 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:16,994 (groans) 442 00:17:17,077 --> 00:17:18,078 Oh, my God. 443 00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:20,748 BART: (laughing) 444 00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:22,833 Oh, Mom, you are a prankster's dream. 445 00:17:22,916 --> 00:17:24,043 (laughs) 446 00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:25,878 Wow, you really clobbered him. 447 00:17:25,961 --> 00:17:28,714 That was a horrible trick to play on your mother. 448 00:17:28,797 --> 00:17:30,883 Yeah, well, it serves you right for eavesdropping. 449 00:17:30,966 --> 00:17:32,676 Hmm. 450 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:36,096 Well, I guess we both learned a lesson... 451 00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:38,474 But, if anybody asks, you hit him. 452 00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:40,350 (groaning) 453 00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:42,811 CLERK: But you can't just repossess our merchandise. 454 00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:45,481 The I Ching said I had six months till bankruptcy. 455 00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:48,984 Hey, channel somebody who gives a damn. 456 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,737 Can't we discuss this over some sympathy tea? 457 00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:55,240 Sorry, the teas are already on the truck. 458 00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:56,617 There's only enough room 459 00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:58,368 on the truck for this one. 460 00:17:58,452 --> 00:18:00,329 We'll get the other one later. 461 00:18:00,412 --> 00:18:01,705 (both grunting) 462 00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:04,249 Hey... this piece of junk 463 00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:06,418 is finally doing something. 464 00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:07,753 (laughs) 465 00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:09,296 Oh, man, this is heavy! 466 00:18:09,379 --> 00:18:11,215 You should lift with your legs. 467 00:18:11,298 --> 00:18:14,134 Yeah, aw, screw it. I got health insurance. Oh! 468 00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:22,768 Abracadabra. 469 00:18:22,851 --> 00:18:25,896 The crystal says, "Your baby shall be a girl." 470 00:18:25,979 --> 00:18:26,897 Shut up! 471 00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:28,607 (tires squealing) 472 00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:29,817 (crashes) 473 00:18:31,610 --> 00:18:34,488 Whoo! Sensory deprivation kicks ass! 474 00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:39,076 -(brakes squealing) -(gasping) 475 00:18:39,159 --> 00:18:40,744 Oh, Neddy, you almost hit that coffin. 476 00:18:42,329 --> 00:18:43,956 (gasping) Leapin' Lazarus! 477 00:18:44,039 --> 00:18:46,542 Is this what passes for eternal rest these days? 478 00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:48,710 Rod, go get Daddy his burying shovel. 479 00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:50,003 Yay! 480 00:18:51,755 --> 00:18:53,340 You sure buried him deep, Daddy. 481 00:18:53,423 --> 00:18:56,510 (laughing) Not so deep the Lord can't find him... 482 00:18:56,593 --> 00:18:58,262 and judge him. 483 00:18:58,345 --> 00:19:01,056 This is the best birthday I ever had. 484 00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:06,186 Okay, I'm ready to get out now. 485 00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:08,522 Yoo-hoo, hippie lady. 486 00:19:08,605 --> 00:19:09,857 Hippie lady? 487 00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:12,442 Hey, hippie lady! (yelling) 488 00:19:12,526 --> 00:19:14,820 Oh! What's going on? 489 00:19:16,738 --> 00:19:18,740 (yelling) 490 00:19:19,741 --> 00:19:21,577 Oh! Ow! Oh! 491 00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:24,329 This inner-peace stuff is tough on the old coconut! 492 00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:25,956 (grunting) 493 00:19:26,039 --> 00:19:27,958 Hippie lady, I want to get out. 494 00:19:28,041 --> 00:19:29,168 Oh! 495 00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:32,546 (humming) 496 00:19:32,629 --> 00:19:35,340 Hmm? Look, Daddy, a whale egg. 497 00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:38,510 Oh, geez, I am so sick of companies dumping their crud 498 00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:40,095 in our ocean without a permit. 499 00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:42,306 It's not like those permits are hard to get. 500 00:19:42,389 --> 00:19:44,933 You're going right back where you came from. 501 00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,186 But, Daddy, you're on vacation. 502 00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:49,479 Crime doesn't take a vacation. 503 00:19:51,315 --> 00:19:53,525 Hey, hey, hey, careful! You'll pop it! 504 00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:57,404 Wow, I've been a cat, a tree, and Cokie Roberts. 505 00:19:57,487 --> 00:19:59,364 (gasps) It's happening again. 506 00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:01,366 I wonder where I'm going this time. 507 00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:03,577 What's that? Oh, yuck! 508 00:20:03,660 --> 00:20:05,329 That sandwich is full of meat! 509 00:20:05,412 --> 00:20:07,539 There's... bacon... 510 00:20:07,623 --> 00:20:09,458 Canadian bacon... 511 00:20:09,541 --> 00:20:11,001 Mexican bacon... 512 00:20:11,084 --> 00:20:13,253 (loudly salivating) 513 00:20:15,088 --> 00:20:18,550 LISA: (as Homer) And a mouthwatering veal chop. 514 00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:19,760 (slurping) 515 00:20:19,843 --> 00:20:22,846 Oh, no. Now I'm Dad. 516 00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:26,183 Oh... and I'm at a stupid, boring ballet. 517 00:20:26,266 --> 00:20:28,101 (yawning) 518 00:20:28,185 --> 00:20:31,021 (snoring) 519 00:20:31,104 --> 00:20:32,940 Dad! Wake up! 520 00:20:33,023 --> 00:20:35,067 Your snoring is disturbing the dancers. 521 00:20:35,150 --> 00:20:36,652 Hmm. 522 00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:38,695 How can you embarrass me like this? 523 00:20:38,779 --> 00:20:40,280 Ooh, you won't sit through anything 524 00:20:40,364 --> 00:20:42,199 that doesn't have car crashes. 525 00:20:42,282 --> 00:20:43,408 I'm sorry, honey. 526 00:20:43,492 --> 00:20:45,827 Jeez, why's she so mad at me? 527 00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:48,372 I only came to this dump so I could be with her. 528 00:20:48,455 --> 00:20:50,457 And what happened to my big sandwich? 529 00:20:50,540 --> 00:20:53,126 (snoring) 530 00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:55,712 (snoring) 531 00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:57,130 (sighs) 532 00:20:57,214 --> 00:20:58,590 (groans) 533 00:20:58,674 --> 00:21:01,385 Boy... I can really be a pain in the butt. 534 00:21:01,468 --> 00:21:04,888 -(creaking) -Gee, I should cut Dad some slack. 535 00:21:04,972 --> 00:21:07,099 After all, he did take me to the ballet 536 00:21:07,182 --> 00:21:09,685 and the Smithsonian Exhibit. 537 00:21:09,768 --> 00:21:13,522 In fact, he takes me lots of places he hates. 538 00:21:13,605 --> 00:21:15,399 HOMER: ♪ I told the witch doctor ♪ 539 00:21:15,482 --> 00:21:17,818 ♪ There's tightness in my chest, bom-bom-bom-bom-bom ♪ 540 00:21:17,901 --> 00:21:21,405 ♪ I told the witch doctor he had to run a test... ♪ 541 00:21:21,488 --> 00:21:22,781 Hi, sweetie. 542 00:21:22,864 --> 00:21:24,324 Hi, Dad. How was it? 543 00:21:24,408 --> 00:21:26,368 I went on a wild ride 544 00:21:26,451 --> 00:21:28,328 without ever leaving the building. 545 00:21:28,412 --> 00:21:29,663 How was yours? 546 00:21:29,746 --> 00:21:31,456 Pretty cool, but now what do you say 547 00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:34,293 we go do something we'll both enjoy? 548 00:21:34,376 --> 00:21:35,752 Oh... like what? 549 00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:37,462 (screeching) 550 00:21:37,546 --> 00:21:38,755 (crashing) 551 00:21:38,839 --> 00:21:41,300 Whoa, look at that car burn. 552 00:21:41,383 --> 00:21:43,343 Does it get any better than this? 553 00:21:43,427 --> 00:21:45,345 Not to me, Dad. 554 00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:47,681 (screeching and crashing) 555 00:21:47,764 --> 00:21:48,807 Oh! 556 00:21:48,890 --> 00:21:50,017 (laughter) 557 00:21:50,100 --> 00:21:51,018 (siren wailing) 558 00:21:51,101 --> 00:21:52,144 ANNOUNCER: (laughs) 559 00:21:52,227 --> 00:21:56,231 Here comes the ambulance. 560 00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:02,529 (theme music playing) 561 00:22:40,776 --> 00:22:41,902 Shh. 562 00:22:45,155 --> 00:22:47,157 {\an8}Captioned by Visual Data Media Services