1 00:00:03,044 --> 00:00:06,214 CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:19,352 (bell ringing) 3 00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:25,108 (whistle blowing) 4 00:00:30,238 --> 00:00:31,322 (beeping) 5 00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:38,872 (playing the blues) 6 00:00:59,184 --> 00:01:00,268 (honking horn) 7 00:01:04,272 --> 00:01:05,398 D'oh! 8 00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:07,442 -(screams) -(tires screeching) 9 00:01:11,237 --> 00:01:12,113 Hmm. 10 00:01:22,665 --> 00:01:24,501 {\an8}-(chewing loudly) -MARGE: Hmm. 11 00:01:24,584 --> 00:01:27,212 {\an8}(chuckling) So I said to that nurse, 12 00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:30,548 {\an8}"You can take your free tetanus shot and shove it." 13 00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:32,175 {\an8}Well, you told her, Dad. 14 00:01:32,258 --> 00:01:35,386 {\an8}You better... believe I did. 15 00:01:35,845 --> 00:01:37,347 {\an8}(grunts) 16 00:01:38,056 --> 00:01:39,349 {\an8}Ahh! Ohh. 17 00:01:39,432 --> 00:01:41,684 {\an8}You still haven't told us why Lenny bit you. 18 00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:44,145 {\an8}Well, I really gave him no choice, you see. 19 00:01:44,229 --> 00:01:46,106 Lousy, meat-eating scum. 20 00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:47,232 -(all gasping) -BART: Huh? 21 00:01:47,315 --> 00:01:48,650 Not you. 22 00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:50,318 (chewing loudly) 23 00:01:50,401 --> 00:01:52,904 {\an8}I'm going over to protest this disgusting new restaurant 24 00:01:52,987 --> 00:01:54,155 {\an8}called The Slaughterhouse. 25 00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:56,950 {\an8}It's decorated with hanging steer carcasses 26 00:01:57,033 --> 00:01:58,201 {\an8}and a fountain of blood. 27 00:01:58,284 --> 00:02:01,663 {\an8}Oh, I heard about that place on The Red Grocer. 28 00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:04,707 {\an8}The worst part is, you pick out your own cow 29 00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:06,334 {\an8}and they kill it right in front of you. 30 00:02:06,417 --> 00:02:09,796 {\an8}Well, maybe the animals don't mind, honey. 31 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:12,298 {\an8}They might enjoy being the center of attention. 32 00:02:12,590 --> 00:02:14,968 {\an8}I think I read somewhere that cows like being killed. 33 00:02:15,051 --> 00:02:17,720 {\an8}Wait. There's a place like that in Springfield? 34 00:02:17,887 --> 00:02:19,806 {\an8}Then why are we eating this crap? 35 00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:20,849 {\an8}(grunts) 36 00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:22,433 {\an8}Come on, everybody. 37 00:02:22,517 --> 00:02:24,936 {\an8}We're going to The Slaughterhouse. 38 00:02:25,186 --> 00:02:27,689 {\an8}You didn't need to knock the food on the floor. 39 00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:28,857 {\an8}Didn't I? 40 00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:36,447 {\an8}(cows mooing) 41 00:02:37,907 --> 00:02:40,577 {\an8}Wow, it's even more wonderful 42 00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:42,412 {\an8}than Lisa said. 43 00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:43,580 {\an8}Oh, whoa, 44 00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:46,040 {\an8}a complimentary basket of hooves. 45 00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:49,586 {\an8}Hmm. Beef salad, beef on the cob, 46 00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:50,920 {\an8}beef-fried beef. 47 00:02:51,129 --> 00:02:53,047 {\an8}Is there anything on the menu that isn't meat? 48 00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:54,591 {\an8}Ha. Not likely. 49 00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:57,218 {\an8}Cool. Even this menu is made of meat. 50 00:02:57,594 --> 00:02:59,387 {\an8}It's an entire chicken pounded flat. 51 00:02:59,470 --> 00:03:00,847 {\an8}How clever. 52 00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,891 {\an8}The kids' menu's on the beak. 53 00:03:02,974 --> 00:03:05,101 {\an8}Hmm. I think I'll take... 54 00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:06,769 {\an8}oh, that one. 55 00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:08,354 {\an8}-(gunshot) -(cow mooing) 56 00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:10,607 {\an8}No, he's a bit listless, isn't he? 57 00:03:10,940 --> 00:03:13,026 Give me... Oh, that spirited fellow. 58 00:03:13,109 --> 00:03:14,235 -(gunshot) -(cow mooing) 59 00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:16,779 Ooh. He didn't put up much of a fight. 60 00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:19,240 Why don't you pick one for me? 61 00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:21,367 -(gunshot) -(cow mooing) 62 00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:22,327 On second thought, 63 00:03:22,493 --> 00:03:23,828 I'll just have a glass of milk. 64 00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:25,914 From that cow. 65 00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:26,873 (surprised) 66 00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:28,541 -(gunshot) -(cow mooing) 67 00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:31,711 {\an8}HOMER: Wait a minute. Is this the biggest steak you've got? 68 00:03:31,794 --> 00:03:33,213 Seventy-two ounces? 69 00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:35,715 I thought this was supposed to be a steak house, 70 00:03:35,924 --> 00:03:38,384 not a little girlie, underpantsy, 71 00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:40,887 pink doily, tea-party place. 72 00:03:41,137 --> 00:03:42,138 Well, there is one steak 73 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,932 that's only available by special request. 74 00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:46,142 Uh. We call it, uh, sir loin-a-lot. 75 00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:48,186 It's, uh, the size of a boogie board. 76 00:03:48,269 --> 00:03:49,395 Ooh, I'll have that one. 77 00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:51,814 And to drink... meatballs. 78 00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,024 Very good, sir. 79 00:03:53,441 --> 00:03:54,776 (ringing) 80 00:03:55,443 --> 00:03:56,402 Ladies and gentlemen, 81 00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:59,739 this brave man has accepted the sir loin-a-lot challenge. 82 00:03:59,822 --> 00:04:02,367 He will pit his stomach against 16 pounds 83 00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:04,077 of indomitable tenderloin. 84 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:05,578 (applause) 85 00:04:05,662 --> 00:04:07,622 They like me because I'm brave. 86 00:04:07,705 --> 00:04:11,084 Only two people have ever finished the whole thing. 87 00:04:12,126 --> 00:04:13,294 (people gasping) 88 00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:15,129 Uh, if you want some friendly advice, pal, 89 00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:17,340 I wouldn't tackle the big one right away. 90 00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:19,384 Oh, yeah? What do you know about it? 91 00:04:25,014 --> 00:04:26,641 (cows mooing) 92 00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:29,811 Hmm. 93 00:04:29,894 --> 00:04:30,895 It's you! 94 00:04:31,312 --> 00:04:33,606 You're him. You're Tony Randall. 95 00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:35,817 Heh. Red Barclay's my name. 96 00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:38,611 I'm a trucker and I've eaten steaks from coast to coast 97 00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:39,988 with taters and toast. 98 00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:41,322 Take my advice, 99 00:04:41,406 --> 00:04:43,449 this one's not for greenhorns. 100 00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:44,784 Greenhorns? 101 00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:46,828 Who's a greenhorn? 102 00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:48,454 What's a greenhorn? 103 00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:51,249 It's an insult. Sock him, Dad. Sock everybody. 104 00:04:51,332 --> 00:04:53,084 Oh, you're just jealous 'cause you don't have 105 00:04:53,167 --> 00:04:56,546 the belly for it anymore, Mr. No-belly. 106 00:04:56,796 --> 00:04:59,215 Mr. Hasn't-got-a-belly. 107 00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,342 Well, I have just finished a whole lamb, 108 00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:03,845 but, uh, I reckon I could take you to school. 109 00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:05,138 You're on, boy. 110 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:07,640 (grunts) 111 00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:10,768 (shuddering) 112 00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:13,313 Is it safe to eat that much food, Dr. Hibbert? 113 00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:14,731 You know, I wouldn't have thought so 114 00:05:14,814 --> 00:05:16,649 before I bought 12% of this restaurant, 115 00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:19,235 but now I feel a balanced diet can include 116 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,737 the occasional eating contest. 117 00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:21,863 But what if he chokes? 118 00:05:21,946 --> 00:05:23,990 Oh-ho-ho-ho ! Not to worry. 119 00:05:24,073 --> 00:05:25,950 We have the latest Heimlich machine. 120 00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:27,702 (gagging) 121 00:05:30,663 --> 00:05:31,914 (gasps) 122 00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:33,499 (grunts) 123 00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:35,168 On your left, 124 00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:38,171 the pride of the American trucking industry, 125 00:05:38,254 --> 00:05:40,840 reliable Red Barclay. 126 00:05:40,923 --> 00:05:43,301 (applause, cheers) 127 00:05:43,384 --> 00:05:44,844 And on your right, Homer somebody. 128 00:05:44,927 --> 00:05:47,472 -Go, Dad! Go, go, go! -Yeah! Come on, Homie! 129 00:05:47,555 --> 00:05:49,265 Gluttons to your marks, 130 00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:51,392 -and Gorge! -(inhaling) 131 00:05:53,436 --> 00:05:55,188 (chanting) Chew! Chew! Chew! 132 00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:57,398 Chew! Chew! Chew! 133 00:05:57,774 --> 00:05:58,608 (humming) 134 00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:00,860 No, Homer! Don't fill up on bread! 135 00:06:01,152 --> 00:06:02,945 Huh? Oh, right. The steak. 136 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:04,489 (smacking) 137 00:06:07,575 --> 00:06:09,077 Come on, Dad, pick up the pace. 138 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:10,953 Chew and swallow. No savoring. 139 00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:12,497 Must eat beef. 140 00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:15,625 Must defeat guy I just met. 141 00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:18,336 (smacking) 142 00:06:22,423 --> 00:06:23,633 So much steak. 143 00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:25,093 Lungs filling. 144 00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:27,512 Sinuses packed with meat. 145 00:06:27,595 --> 00:06:29,972 Oh, come on, Dad, just 12 more pounds. 146 00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:32,683 (groans) 147 00:06:33,184 --> 00:06:35,144 Oh, humans are so ridiculous. 148 00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:36,854 He's not even halfway through Walter, 149 00:06:36,938 --> 00:06:38,815 and he's already hallucinating. 150 00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:40,983 (both chuckling) 151 00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:42,777 Lousy drunks! 152 00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:44,320 I'll show them! 153 00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:48,533 (groans) 154 00:06:52,703 --> 00:06:54,414 (continues to groan) 155 00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:56,457 What's happening to me? 156 00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:59,377 There's still food, but I don't want to eat it. 157 00:07:00,044 --> 00:07:02,588 I've become everything I've ever hated. 158 00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:04,549 (weeping) 159 00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:09,303 -(satisfied grunt) -(applause, cheers) 160 00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:11,556 Winner and still champion, 161 00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:14,225 reliable Red Barclay. 162 00:07:14,308 --> 00:07:15,268 (applause, cheers) 163 00:07:15,351 --> 00:07:16,769 My hat's off to you, Red. 164 00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:18,438 You're a true American hero 165 00:07:18,729 --> 00:07:20,898 and you did it with style and dignity. 166 00:07:20,982 --> 00:07:23,568 and, hey, you're not breathing. 167 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:25,945 Don't people usually breathe? 168 00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:29,782 -This man is dead. -(people gasping) 169 00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:31,367 Looks to me like beef poisoning. 170 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:32,618 (concerned murmuring) 171 00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:34,454 Probably from some other restaurant. 172 00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:36,831 (relieved murmuring) 173 00:07:41,794 --> 00:07:43,504 (grunting) 174 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:45,089 You'd better take one of these, too. 175 00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:46,132 He's eaten quite a lot. 176 00:07:46,799 --> 00:07:48,092 (tires squealing) 177 00:07:48,176 --> 00:07:50,970 There goes the finest trucker who ever lived. 178 00:07:51,053 --> 00:07:53,181 He called me greenhorn. 179 00:07:53,514 --> 00:07:55,433 I called him Tony Randall. 180 00:07:55,766 --> 00:07:57,226 It was this thing we had. 181 00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,729 In 38 years, he never missed a shipment. 182 00:08:00,521 --> 00:08:03,941 But I guess this is one delivery old Red won't be making. 183 00:08:04,775 --> 00:08:06,277 Oh, yes, he will. 184 00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:08,321 And on time, too. 185 00:08:08,404 --> 00:08:10,323 Oh, no. Homer, no. 186 00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:11,949 I've got to, honey. 187 00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:13,326 I owe it to old Red 188 00:08:13,409 --> 00:08:15,328 as both his friend and his killer. 189 00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:17,205 I want to go with you, Dad. 190 00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:18,498 Don't you have school? 191 00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:20,625 -Don't you have work? -Ah, touché. 192 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:21,918 Bye, Marge. 193 00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:23,836 (tires screeching) 194 00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:25,630 Aren't you going to say bye? 195 00:08:25,713 --> 00:08:26,923 Good-bye, Homer. 196 00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:28,799 That didn't sound like you meant it. 197 00:08:28,883 --> 00:08:31,093 Oh, all right. Good-bye, sweetheart. 198 00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:32,261 Have a nice trip. 199 00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:33,971 That's more like it. 200 00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:35,598 So long, suckers! 201 00:08:35,681 --> 00:08:36,557 (laughing) 202 00:08:36,641 --> 00:08:39,101 (honking horn) 203 00:08:45,107 --> 00:08:46,359 (stuttering) 204 00:08:46,442 --> 00:08:48,027 ( Homer grunting ) 205 00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:49,862 HOMER: Why you got to... 206 00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:51,697 (grunting) Come on. 207 00:08:51,781 --> 00:08:52,615 (grunting) 208 00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,660 Ah. Now I'm getting the hang of this thing. 209 00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:58,037 I don't know why I didn't become a trucker before. 210 00:08:58,162 --> 00:08:59,622 Well, you're not really a trucker now. 211 00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:00,623 Oh, yeah? 212 00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:02,583 My left arm says different. 213 00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:04,544 Well, according to Red's schedule, 214 00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:06,837 we have to make it to Atlanta in three days. 215 00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:07,880 Piece of cake. 216 00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:09,757 Just need a little truck-driving music. 217 00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:12,343 (music playing) ♪ If you want to be my lover ♪ 218 00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,512 ♪ You got to get with my friends ♪ 219 00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:16,597 ♪ Make it last forever ♪ 220 00:09:17,306 --> 00:09:18,432 Yeah. 221 00:09:18,849 --> 00:09:20,017 The open road. 222 00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:25,690 Ahh, that little punk. 223 00:09:25,773 --> 00:09:27,191 I'll teach him some manners. 224 00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:30,611 -(screams) -No, Dad, 225 00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:32,071 he wants you to blow your horn. 226 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:33,114 Oh. 227 00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:38,160 That little punk! 228 00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:42,748 Lisa, we got another postcard from your father. 229 00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:44,625 "Wish you were her." 230 00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:46,544 How many of these is he going to send me? 231 00:09:47,461 --> 00:09:49,714 Wow, Dad and Bart have been everywhere. 232 00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:51,674 They've eaten submarine sandwiches, 233 00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:53,467 grinders, and hoagies. 234 00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:54,594 It's not fair. 235 00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:57,346 Your father always gets to have such exciting adventures. 236 00:09:58,097 --> 00:09:59,223 Maybe it's time 237 00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:01,601 we took a walk on the wild side. 238 00:10:03,811 --> 00:10:05,438 We're buying a new doorbell? 239 00:10:05,521 --> 00:10:07,481 A musical doorbell. 240 00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:09,525 (creaking) 241 00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:12,528 So many doorbells! 242 00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:14,322 I'm in way over my head. 243 00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:16,115 (Nelson humming) 244 00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:18,951 (bell ringing) 245 00:10:19,035 --> 00:10:19,910 (laughs) 246 00:10:20,911 --> 00:10:23,039 (grunting) 247 00:10:23,122 --> 00:10:24,498 Oh... 248 00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:26,292 Great. Look at my shoes 249 00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:29,670 and today's my evaluation with senor ding-dong. 250 00:10:29,962 --> 00:10:32,673 Excuse me, Mr... Trainee. 251 00:10:32,757 --> 00:10:34,800 I'm trying to find a musical doorbell. 252 00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:37,345 (laughing) Well, you came to the right place. 253 00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:39,221 We got your ding-dang-dongs 254 00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:40,514 and your do-re-mis 255 00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:42,933 and your, uh, ha-cha-chas, huh? 256 00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:43,851 (laughing) 257 00:10:43,934 --> 00:10:45,519 (humming) 258 00:10:46,187 --> 00:10:48,189 I'm trying to find a particular tune. 259 00:10:48,272 --> 00:10:49,774 It's the one that goes like... 260 00:10:49,857 --> 00:10:52,568 (tuneless humming) 261 00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:53,903 Mom, is this the one you want? 262 00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:57,406 (music playing "Close to You") 263 00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:59,617 Yes, that's it! 264 00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:02,578 Lisa, you ought to be a doorbell salesman. 265 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:03,621 Oh, that's just what I need, 266 00:11:03,704 --> 00:11:04,997 another piranha in the tank. 267 00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:06,749 (music playing) ♪ Well, if it's country music ♪ 268 00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:08,042 ♪ Or rock and roll ♪ 269 00:11:08,125 --> 00:11:09,543 A little more high test, darlin'? 270 00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,295 Sure thing, Gwen. 271 00:11:12,129 --> 00:11:13,381 I'll be right back with your pie, hon. 272 00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:17,510 Ah, that's a nice, friendly gal. 273 00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:19,011 -Yeah. -Wouldn't it be great 274 00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:20,846 to live right here at the truck stop? 275 00:11:21,263 --> 00:11:22,932 Watching all the people come and go. 276 00:11:23,057 --> 00:11:25,476 You could have a different best friend every day. 277 00:11:25,559 --> 00:11:26,477 I suppose. 278 00:11:26,894 --> 00:11:27,895 Great. Now write your mother 279 00:11:27,978 --> 00:11:29,188 and tell her the marriage is off 280 00:11:29,271 --> 00:11:30,773 and then when the paperwork is done, 281 00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:32,733 I'll make Gwen my wife. 282 00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:34,610 Will that be all, sweetie? 283 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:35,736 For now. 284 00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:37,613 The light's on. 285 00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:39,573 All systems are ding-dong. 286 00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:41,450 Come on, Mom. Let's take it for a test drive. 287 00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,369 Oh, it's not a toy, Lisa. 288 00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,788 We'll just have to wait until someone comes. 289 00:11:47,456 --> 00:11:49,542 Anyone? Anyone at all? 290 00:11:49,625 --> 00:11:52,795 Oh! Milhouse is selling seeds and he's coming this way... 291 00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:54,463 Oh, the birds got him. 292 00:11:54,672 --> 00:11:55,715 (screaming) 293 00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:57,174 Not the face! 294 00:11:57,883 --> 00:12:00,302 If your father was here, there'd be process servers, 295 00:12:00,386 --> 00:12:02,930 repo men, and bounty hunters to beat the band. 296 00:12:03,013 --> 00:12:04,640 Wait! People are coming! 297 00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:06,142 I think they're Jehovah's witnesses! 298 00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:07,226 Yes! 299 00:12:09,186 --> 00:12:11,105 Wait, Marlon. You know, I just had a thought. 300 00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:12,273 Maybe we're bothering people 301 00:12:12,356 --> 00:12:13,858 by trying to change their religion. 302 00:12:14,108 --> 00:12:15,901 What if we don't have all the answers? 303 00:12:16,026 --> 00:12:17,111 You're right, Noreen. 304 00:12:17,319 --> 00:12:18,404 Let's go get real jobs. 305 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:24,410 (grumbling) I would have feigned interest. 306 00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:28,706 (grunts) 307 00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:30,666 Still no visitors. 308 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:34,086 It's time we opened up a can of whup-tushy on this situation. 309 00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:35,796 What's the number for Luigi's? 310 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:38,007 Dad's got it on the speed dial under "fire." 311 00:12:39,675 --> 00:12:40,634 (tires screech) 312 00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:42,386 This is it, honey. 313 00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:43,345 We did it. 314 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:45,431 -Damn it! -(sighs) 315 00:12:45,514 --> 00:12:46,766 MARGE: Ring the bell! 316 00:12:46,932 --> 00:12:48,893 Why? You already know I'm here, don't you? 317 00:12:48,976 --> 00:12:49,977 MARGE: Just do it. 318 00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:51,437 Nothing doing, missy. 319 00:12:51,645 --> 00:12:54,064 Now, do you want your half-order of garlic bread or not? 320 00:12:54,148 --> 00:12:55,441 No, but if you'll just ring the... 321 00:12:55,524 --> 00:12:56,942 -(tires screeching) -Hmm. 322 00:12:57,026 --> 00:12:58,778 Oh, that's it. I'm putting an end to this. 323 00:12:58,861 --> 00:12:59,862 Lisa, no, no, don't! It won't be the... 324 00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:02,531 -(music playing "Close to You") -(gasps) Oh... 325 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,408 It's heavenly. 326 00:13:05,117 --> 00:13:07,828 ♪ Why do birds suddenly appear ♪ 327 00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:09,205 ♪ Over there ♪ 328 00:13:09,413 --> 00:13:10,748 ♪ Over here ♪ 329 00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:13,417 Why is it playing over again? 330 00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:14,585 Who cares? 331 00:13:14,710 --> 00:13:16,545 No one could ever get sick of this song. 332 00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:18,631 ♪ Suddenly appear ♪ 333 00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:21,133 (crackling) 334 00:13:21,550 --> 00:13:23,427 MAN: Hey, get that truck out of here. 335 00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:25,721 (chewing loudly) 336 00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:28,098 WOMAN: You mean, it ate Patrick, too? 337 00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:30,226 It ate everybody. 338 00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:32,186 What about Erika? 339 00:13:32,269 --> 00:13:34,939 -BOTH: It ate everybody! - It ate everybody! 340 00:13:35,022 --> 00:13:35,856 Stupid! 341 00:13:37,733 --> 00:13:39,443 I bet old Red caught himself 342 00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:41,779 a mess of catfish with these fishing sticks. 343 00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:44,198 Uh-huh. Bet he used bait, too. 344 00:13:44,448 --> 00:13:46,450 Relax, boy. We're ahead of schedule. 345 00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:49,245 Actually, we have to go 2,200 miles in ten hours. 346 00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:51,497 Ten hours? We got to roll! 347 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,003 Uh, yeah, I need something 348 00:13:58,087 --> 00:13:59,630 that'll keep me awake, alert, and reckless 349 00:13:59,713 --> 00:14:00,631 all night long. 350 00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:03,759 Well, congress is racing back to Washington 351 00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,553 {\an8}-to outlaw these. -Sold! 352 00:14:06,554 --> 00:14:09,598 Hey, you can't take that many pep pills at once. 353 00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,141 No problem. I'll balance it out 354 00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:13,352 with a bottle of sleeping pills. 355 00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:16,689 (giggles) 356 00:14:17,022 --> 00:14:18,774 OK, we're all set. Let's put the pedal to the metal! 357 00:14:19,149 --> 00:14:20,568 (tires screeching) 358 00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:23,654 I wholeheartedly agree. 359 00:14:23,737 --> 00:14:25,865 Oh, man, I'm really wired. This is a big mistake. 360 00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:27,116 I can... Oh... 361 00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:30,244 Here comes the sleeping pills. 362 00:14:30,327 --> 00:14:31,996 So drowsy. 363 00:14:32,079 --> 00:14:33,163 Pep pills perking up again. 364 00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:34,874 I could drive all... 365 00:14:34,957 --> 00:14:36,458 night. 366 00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,128 (snoring) 367 00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:51,807 (signal bell dinging) 368 00:14:56,103 --> 00:14:57,521 (brakes squealing) 369 00:15:02,651 --> 00:15:03,777 (bell dings) 370 00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,362 (snoring) 371 00:15:05,821 --> 00:15:07,156 (screaming) 372 00:15:07,239 --> 00:15:08,616 I fell asleep at the wheel! 373 00:15:08,824 --> 00:15:10,576 (whimpers) 374 00:15:10,826 --> 00:15:11,952 But we didn't crash. 375 00:15:12,119 --> 00:15:13,913 (gasps) It's a miracle. 376 00:15:16,123 --> 00:15:17,583 You'll never believe what happened. 377 00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:19,001 I fell asleep at the wheel 378 00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:21,587 and the truck drove here by itself. 379 00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:23,380 Yeah, that Navitron Auto-Drive system's 380 00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:26,133 made our jobs cushier than ever. (chuckles) 381 00:15:26,216 --> 00:15:28,010 -The what, now? -You know, this thing. 382 00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:30,346 With this baby driving your truck for you, 383 00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:33,807 all you got to do is sit back and feel your ass grow. 384 00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:35,392 The trucks drive themselves? 385 00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:36,644 Shh... Hey, hey, hey, shh... 386 00:15:36,727 --> 00:15:38,854 Didn't your union rep tell you about the scam we got going? 387 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,314 Oh, I'm not really a trucker, 388 00:15:40,397 --> 00:15:41,941 so I don't talk to the rep that often. 389 00:15:42,983 --> 00:15:44,360 All right, listen, pal, here's the deal, 390 00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:45,653 you stumbled on a secret 391 00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:47,696 that only truck drivers are supposed to know. 392 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,281 (laughing) 393 00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:50,574 Hey, pay attention 394 00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:51,617 and stop looking at that squirrel. 395 00:15:51,742 --> 00:15:52,785 (chattering) 396 00:15:52,868 --> 00:15:55,579 We get 40 bucks an hour to drive these rigs. 397 00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:56,956 You think anybody'd hire us 398 00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:58,874 if they knew we weren't really driving the trucks? 399 00:15:58,958 --> 00:15:59,875 Wow! 400 00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:02,211 You guys are even lazier than me! 401 00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:03,629 Well, don't worry. 402 00:16:03,921 --> 00:16:05,089 I'll keep your secret. 403 00:16:05,172 --> 00:16:06,465 See that you do. 404 00:16:10,219 --> 00:16:12,388 Hey, Bart, watch me run down this old lady. 405 00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:13,472 Dad, no! 406 00:16:14,348 --> 00:16:15,307 -(tires screeching) -(grunts) 407 00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:16,225 (beeping) 408 00:16:16,934 --> 00:16:18,060 (screaming) 409 00:16:18,143 --> 00:16:20,187 (laughing) 410 00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:21,563 The second I let go of the wheel, 411 00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:23,190 this little wonder kicks in. 412 00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:24,525 And if scaring old ladies 413 00:16:24,608 --> 00:16:26,151 don't float your boat, watch this. 414 00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:27,319 (grunting) 415 00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,239 Come on out, boy! 416 00:16:30,489 --> 00:16:31,991 It's windy! 417 00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:34,827 Wow, you're right, Dad! 418 00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:35,869 It is windy! 419 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,541 Hey, look, nobody's driving! 420 00:16:40,624 --> 00:16:42,543 -Well, will wonders never cease? -What's that? 421 00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:44,044 Relax, everybody. 422 00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:46,338 The Navitron Auto-Drive system 423 00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:48,132 is driving the truck for me. 424 00:16:48,215 --> 00:16:49,258 But keep it a secret. 425 00:16:49,466 --> 00:16:51,468 It's a big scam, OK? 426 00:16:58,142 --> 00:16:59,226 What the hell? 427 00:16:59,309 --> 00:17:00,310 Breaker, breaker, 428 00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:03,022 looks like we got us a 10-38. 429 00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:06,358 MAN: Uh, 10-38. 430 00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:07,985 Uh, let's see. 431 00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:11,447 Uh, "Outsider blabbing about auto-drive system." 432 00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:14,408 Well, we'll have to teach our friend some discretion. 433 00:17:14,491 --> 00:17:17,202 Yeah, just like we did to Jimmy Hoffa. 434 00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:18,912 -(chuckles) -Hey, shut up! 435 00:17:19,246 --> 00:17:20,497 Calling all big rigs. 436 00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:21,999 Motormouth on highway seven. 437 00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:23,125 You know what to do. 438 00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:24,960 -10-4. -MAN: That's a big 10-4. 439 00:17:25,794 --> 00:17:28,213 -(music playing "Close to You") -Mom, I need to get some sleep. 440 00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:31,050 I have a test tomorrow in birds suddenly appear. 441 00:17:31,341 --> 00:17:32,468 I mean, English. 442 00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:35,095 OK, OK, let me just get the wire cutters. 443 00:17:36,013 --> 00:17:36,889 Oh... 444 00:17:36,972 --> 00:17:39,558 Your father traded our tools for M&M's again. 445 00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:42,603 Oh, the heck with it. (grunts) 446 00:17:42,853 --> 00:17:44,897 (music playing faster) 447 00:17:44,980 --> 00:17:46,815 (dogs howling) 448 00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:49,401 (howling continues) 449 00:17:56,784 --> 00:17:57,951 Look, son. 450 00:17:58,285 --> 00:18:00,746 It's one of nature's most beautiful sights, 451 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,498 the convoy. 452 00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:06,001 (engine revving) 453 00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:07,127 He hit us. 454 00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:09,004 Oh, I should've known. 455 00:18:09,254 --> 00:18:10,380 They're hazing us 456 00:18:10,464 --> 00:18:13,175 to initiate us into the truckers' fraternity. 457 00:18:13,258 --> 00:18:14,676 -(crash) -Thank you, sir. 458 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:15,636 May I have another? 459 00:18:15,719 --> 00:18:16,595 (crash) 460 00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:18,388 Dad, they're trying to kill us. 461 00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:21,350 Oh, why do all my trips end like this? 462 00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:27,439 Eat water, good buddy. 463 00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:28,774 (screaming) 464 00:18:29,399 --> 00:18:31,026 Whoa, look at him roll! 465 00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:32,611 (grunting) 466 00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:35,864 Oh, my good knife! 467 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:37,199 My wife's going to kill me. 468 00:18:37,282 --> 00:18:38,784 HOMER: I think we lost 'em, Bart. 469 00:18:39,034 --> 00:18:39,868 Dad, stop! 470 00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:41,829 (tires squealing) 471 00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:43,247 HOMER: Uh-oh. 472 00:18:43,914 --> 00:18:45,833 Well, well, well. 473 00:18:45,916 --> 00:18:47,334 Looks like we got ourselves 474 00:18:47,417 --> 00:18:49,169 a showdown, boy. 475 00:18:49,878 --> 00:18:51,672 -All right. -What are you doing? 476 00:18:52,005 --> 00:18:55,008 I'm keeping a promise to an American roadmaster. 477 00:18:55,092 --> 00:18:56,468 -Huh? -Red. 478 00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:58,470 The trucker. 479 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,890 Big fat guy, couldn't handle his steak? 480 00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,392 -Oh, yeah. -We'll get past 481 00:19:03,475 --> 00:19:04,852 that barrier somehow. 482 00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:07,938 Ol' Blinky here will find a way. 483 00:19:11,358 --> 00:19:13,610 AUTOMATED VOICE: I'm afraid I can't let you do this, Red. 484 00:19:13,735 --> 00:19:15,279 The risk is unacceptable. 485 00:19:15,362 --> 00:19:16,780 I'm not Red. I'm Homer. 486 00:19:17,072 --> 00:19:18,448 -AUTOMATED VOICE: Got to go. -Uh-oh 487 00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:20,951 (screams) 488 00:19:21,034 --> 00:19:21,952 Dad, do something. 489 00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:24,163 Something better! 490 00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:25,122 -(tires screeching) -(Homer grunting) 491 00:19:25,205 --> 00:19:26,707 (both screaming) 492 00:19:34,923 --> 00:19:35,757 Woo-hoo! 493 00:19:37,342 --> 00:19:39,344 Now that man is a genuine 494 00:19:39,428 --> 00:19:41,388 steel-belted, gear-jamming rig jockey. 495 00:19:41,471 --> 00:19:42,890 -That's a fact. -Boy howdy! 496 00:19:42,973 --> 00:19:44,266 -Boy, you can say that again. -Yeah. 497 00:19:44,516 --> 00:19:45,851 You know, boys, I've been thinking. 498 00:19:46,101 --> 00:19:48,478 Maybe it's time we ditched the high-tech gizmos 499 00:19:48,562 --> 00:19:50,689 and went back to driving like our daddies did. 500 00:19:50,981 --> 00:19:52,774 -Drunk? -No! N-no. 501 00:19:53,108 --> 00:19:55,319 Using our hands and our wits. 502 00:19:55,402 --> 00:19:57,571 Yeah, sure, it's hard work and it's lonely as hell, 503 00:19:57,654 --> 00:19:59,281 but it has meaning and dignity. 504 00:19:59,489 --> 00:20:00,532 Huh? What do you say? 505 00:20:04,077 --> 00:20:06,580 Nah. Let's just find some other scam. 506 00:20:06,663 --> 00:20:09,166 Hey, how about bootlegging beanie babies? 507 00:20:09,249 --> 00:20:11,335 -Sounds good to me. -Oh, I like that. 508 00:20:15,255 --> 00:20:16,798 Yep, you're going to make it, Dad. 509 00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:19,801 And somewhere up there, I bet Red is saying "thanks." 510 00:20:20,969 --> 00:20:22,763 10-4, dead buddy. 511 00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:27,893 This is Red Barclay's shipment, 512 00:20:27,976 --> 00:20:29,436 on time, as always. 513 00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:32,105 All right, let's see. 514 00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:33,565 Artichokes 515 00:20:33,857 --> 00:20:35,150 and migrant workers. 516 00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:36,068 Looking good. 517 00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:38,237 So, where is old Red, anyway? 518 00:20:38,445 --> 00:20:39,738 Well, the last time I saw him, 519 00:20:39,821 --> 00:20:41,740 he was in a big plastic bag. 520 00:20:41,823 --> 00:20:42,699 (laughs) 521 00:20:42,783 --> 00:20:44,660 Yeah, that sounds like Red, all right. 522 00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:48,580 Well, son, I guess it's time to go home. 523 00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:51,041 Any thoughts on how we're going to get there? 524 00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:54,836 No, but I'm sure the good lord will provide. 525 00:20:56,129 --> 00:20:57,130 Are you crazy? 526 00:20:57,297 --> 00:20:59,841 I'm not driving a trainload of napalm to Springfield! 527 00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:02,052 Thank you. 528 00:21:07,182 --> 00:21:09,851 -(music playing "Close to You") -(crowd shouting angrily) 529 00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:11,937 I'm really sorry, everybody, 530 00:21:12,020 --> 00:21:13,355 but I've tried everything. 531 00:21:13,772 --> 00:21:14,773 I'm afraid we're just going 532 00:21:14,856 --> 00:21:16,775 to have to learn to live with it. 533 00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:18,902 No, no, no, no dice! 534 00:21:19,152 --> 00:21:20,612 All right, Chimey, 535 00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:23,532 this time, the bell tolls for thee. 536 00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:26,243 -Huh? -(crowd gasping) 537 00:21:26,326 --> 00:21:28,829 Ay-yi-yi! Senor ding-dong! 538 00:21:28,912 --> 00:21:30,956 I thought you were just a marketing gimmick. 539 00:21:31,039 --> 00:21:33,000 There was a time when that was true, 540 00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:35,627 but now, I am so much more. 541 00:21:36,878 --> 00:21:38,171 -(music stops) -(crowd cheering) 542 00:21:38,255 --> 00:21:40,465 Hmm... Oh, my. 543 00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:41,967 (in Spanish) Gracias, senor. 544 00:21:42,217 --> 00:21:43,135 De nada! 545 00:21:43,510 --> 00:21:44,720 (in English) If you ever need me, 546 00:21:45,262 --> 00:21:46,805 just ring. 547 00:21:47,180 --> 00:21:48,223 (grunts) 548 00:21:48,974 --> 00:21:51,184 (starter chugging) 549 00:21:52,602 --> 00:21:54,813 Does anyone have any jumper cables? 550 00:21:54,896 --> 00:21:56,815 (starter chugging) 551 00:21:58,066 --> 00:22:00,235 Oh, you stinking Chevy! 552 00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:41,902 -(murmuring) -Shh! 553 00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:47,199 {\an8}Captioned by Visual Data Media Services