1 00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:06,256 CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,339 --> 00:00:09,467 (theme music playing) 3 00:00:17,183 --> 00:00:20,228 {\an8}(bell ringing) 4 00:00:24,107 --> 00:00:25,400 (whistle blows) 5 00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:32,198 (beeping) 6 00:00:35,368 --> 00:00:38,663 {\an8}(playing the blues) 7 00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:48,089 (tires sreeching) 8 00:00:59,267 --> 00:01:00,518 (honking horn) 9 00:01:04,272 --> 00:01:06,149 D'oh! (screams) 10 00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:07,942 (tires screeching) 11 00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:11,946 {\an8}Whoo-hoo! 12 00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:25,043 {\an8}♪ You put the beer in the coconut and drink it all up ♪ 13 00:01:25,126 --> 00:01:27,253 {\an8}♪ You put the beer in the coconut ♪ 14 00:01:27,337 --> 00:01:29,130 {\an8}♪ And throw the can away... ♪ 15 00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:30,340 {\an8}Homer! 16 00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:31,841 {\an8}♪ You throw the can away... ♪ 17 00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:33,676 {\an8}I said, "Homer!" 18 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,595 {\an8}♪ You throw the can away ♪ 19 00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:37,597 {\an8}Marge, I'm out of beer. 20 00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:40,391 {\an8}You know, Homie, a lot of men use their Saturdays 21 00:01:40,475 --> 00:01:43,603 {\an8}to do things around the house. Hint, hint. 22 00:01:43,686 --> 00:01:46,481 {\an8}But, Marge, I'm not like other men. 23 00:01:46,564 --> 00:01:49,943 {\an8}That's why you buy my pants at that special store. 24 00:01:50,026 --> 00:01:53,321 {\an8}I'm serious. You never finished painting the garage... 25 00:01:54,155 --> 00:01:57,367 {\an8}And you could at least get that snake out of the piano. 26 00:01:57,450 --> 00:02:00,328 {\an8}-(playing dance hall tune) -(snake hissing) 27 00:02:00,411 --> 00:02:03,915 {\an8}Fine. I'll drop everything I'm doing just for you. 28 00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:07,293 {\an8}But you'll have to live with the guilt of ruining my Saturday. 29 00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:08,711 {\an8}Can you live with that, Marge? 30 00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:10,255 {\an8}Huh? Can you? 31 00:02:10,338 --> 00:02:12,048 {\an8}-Yup! -Can you? 32 00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:14,467 {\an8}Oh... 33 00:02:14,551 --> 00:02:16,594 {\an8}FLANDERS: God... bless him! 34 00:02:22,183 --> 00:02:24,018 {\an8}Excuse me, I have a few questions for Pop. 35 00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:25,103 {\an8}That's me. 36 00:02:25,186 --> 00:02:26,771 {\an8}You're Pop? 37 00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:29,065 {\an8}No offense, but even I could kick your ass. 38 00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:30,483 {\an8}Hey, get off my case. 39 00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:32,026 {\an8}The only reason I'm working here is 40 00:02:32,110 --> 00:02:33,820 {\an8}'cause I'm trying to get a date with Mom. 41 00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:39,951 {\an8}Look, Pop, I'm planning some expert home repairs 42 00:02:40,034 --> 00:02:42,620 {\an8}and I need a pair of bolt cutters or wire cutters, 43 00:02:42,704 --> 00:02:45,165 {\an8}or something to get the lock off my toolbox. 44 00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:47,333 {\an8}Aisle one, next to the cat poison. 45 00:02:49,502 --> 00:02:53,298 {\an8}Edna, look. A dimmer switch could ratchet up the romance 46 00:02:53,381 --> 00:02:54,591 {\an8}in our love nest. 47 00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:57,177 {\an8}You mean the janitor's closet? Ha! 48 00:02:57,260 --> 00:02:59,345 (sighs) What's the matter, Edna? 49 00:02:59,429 --> 00:03:02,056 {\an8}Lately you just say "ha" to everything. 50 00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:03,975 I want a baby... now. 51 00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:09,480 Why don't we continue this in Pool Supplies? 52 00:03:10,773 --> 00:03:12,108 Hi, I'm Doug Vaccaro. 53 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:13,484 You know me as Chip, 54 00:03:13,568 --> 00:03:14,861 the wisecracking assistant 55 00:03:14,944 --> 00:03:17,030 on the hit sitcom Toolin' Around. 56 00:03:17,113 --> 00:03:19,991 (snickering) A man in an apron. (guffawing) 57 00:03:20,074 --> 00:03:23,828 But today, I'm here as a "tool" of Global Dynamics Corp. 58 00:03:23,912 --> 00:03:26,998 You know, installing your own barbecue pit is no harder 59 00:03:27,081 --> 00:03:29,959 than adding an aviary or Olympic-sized swimming pool. 60 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,878 In fact, it's a snap. 61 00:03:33,421 --> 00:03:34,923 Or if you're not into chicken... 62 00:03:35,006 --> 00:03:36,257 No, no! I'm into chicken! 63 00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:38,218 How about wild boar, 64 00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:39,552 or swordfish, 65 00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:41,012 or hippo? 66 00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:44,349 Mmm... Hippo. 67 00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:46,476 (gurgling) 68 00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:48,353 ANNOUNCER: Light-hearted apron not included. 69 00:03:48,436 --> 00:03:50,355 Snapping fingers may not make food appear. 70 00:03:51,522 --> 00:03:52,565 {\an8}How about it, Bart? 71 00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:55,193 {\an8}Would you like a new backyard barbecue pit? 72 00:03:55,276 --> 00:03:56,569 {\an8}Can I burn evidence in it? 73 00:03:56,653 --> 00:03:59,614 We can all burn evidence in it. 74 00:04:02,283 --> 00:04:05,453 There. That wasn't so hard, was it, honey? 75 00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,706 Dad, I really need to rest my back. 76 00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:11,668 OK, sweetie. Daddy'll take over. 77 00:04:12,877 --> 00:04:15,672 Oh, yeah. That's a fine-looking... 78 00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:17,382 -(contents breaking) -D'oh! 79 00:04:17,882 --> 00:04:19,008 OK, no big deal. 80 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,468 (straining) 81 00:04:21,552 --> 00:04:22,971 {\an8}(shrieks) Stupid Lisa! 82 00:04:23,429 --> 00:04:26,808 (whimpering) I got to build fast. Cement drying! 83 00:04:26,891 --> 00:04:27,976 All right, let's see. 84 00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:30,353 {\an8}Oh... English side ruined. 85 00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:32,689 {\an8}Must use French instructions. 86 00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:34,274 "Le grille"? 87 00:04:34,357 --> 00:04:36,109 What the hell is that? 88 00:04:36,192 --> 00:04:38,695 Aw, come here... Get... (grunts) 89 00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:40,196 Come on, fit. You... 90 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,824 (mumbling) 91 00:04:42,907 --> 00:04:45,118 Huh? (grunting) 92 00:04:45,201 --> 00:04:46,452 (sighs) 93 00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:50,623 {\an8}Yeah, that's one fine-looking barbecue pit. 94 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,251 Why doesn't mine look like that? 95 00:04:53,334 --> 00:04:54,877 (screaming) 96 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,963 Why? (grunts) Why? 97 00:04:57,046 --> 00:04:59,716 Why must life be so hard? 98 00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:03,636 Why must I fail in every attempt at masonry? 99 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,054 (screaming and sobbing) 100 00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,348 How's your father's project coming along? 101 00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:08,683 {\an8}I think he's almost done. 102 00:05:08,766 --> 00:05:10,560 (screaming) 103 00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:12,520 Yeah, he's done. 104 00:05:16,482 --> 00:05:18,985 (clears throat) I'd like to return this barbecue kit. 105 00:05:19,068 --> 00:05:21,029 All returned items must be in a box 106 00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:22,530 {\an8}and accompanied by a receipt. 107 00:05:22,613 --> 00:05:24,532 Well, if you'll follow the flashlight, 108 00:05:24,615 --> 00:05:27,785 you'll see the receipt embedded here, and here, 109 00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:30,621 and elements of the box here, here, and possibly here. 110 00:05:30,705 --> 00:05:32,957 Sorry, I didn't get this hammer hat 111 00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:34,959 by handing out refunds. 112 00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:36,044 {\an8}Oh! 113 00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:38,421 {\an8}(grunting) Come on. 114 00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:41,507 Hold on, there, Santa Claus. 115 00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:43,468 That box is for toys only. 116 00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:44,635 Well, of course. 117 00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:46,763 Any kid would love to have this, 118 00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:49,140 uh, activity center. 119 00:05:49,223 --> 00:05:51,225 It teaches them while they learn. 120 00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:53,478 Yeah, nice try, Saint Nick. 121 00:05:53,561 --> 00:05:55,688 Now, hit the road, Kris Kringle. 122 00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:59,484 -But... but... -You heard me, "Pear" Noel. 123 00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:03,237 (groans) 124 00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:07,367 {\an8}-What you got there? -Beanie Baby. 125 00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:12,789 (wheels rattling) 126 00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:17,752 {\an8}I'll never get rid of it. 127 00:06:17,835 --> 00:06:19,629 {\an8}It'll follow me to the ends of the Earth. 128 00:06:19,712 --> 00:06:22,507 (clanking and scraping) 129 00:06:22,590 --> 00:06:24,801 All right! My bumper fell off! 130 00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:28,179 -(scraping) -(honking and tires screeching) 131 00:06:28,262 --> 00:06:31,641 Not my fault. Act of God. Act of God. (laughing) 132 00:06:35,686 --> 00:06:36,687 Uh-oh. 133 00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:39,273 Ah... 134 00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:41,401 (tires screeching) 135 00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:46,656 ♪ Shaving my shoulders ♪ 136 00:06:46,739 --> 00:06:49,075 ♪ I'm getting it all shaved off ♪ 137 00:06:49,158 --> 00:06:50,952 Homie, someone's at the door. 138 00:06:51,035 --> 00:06:54,414 They want to talk to you about some sort of car accident. 139 00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:55,915 Take the kids out back. 140 00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:58,709 I'll handle this. 141 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:01,921 Mr. Simpson? 142 00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:06,300 I believe something of yours struck my car yesterday. 143 00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:07,635 Oh, yeah. Prove it. 144 00:07:09,178 --> 00:07:11,305 {\an8}That's your license plate, isn't it? 145 00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:13,975 Uh... 146 00:07:14,058 --> 00:07:15,893 (sobbing) 147 00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:18,438 All right, just go ahead and sue me! 148 00:07:18,521 --> 00:07:19,939 Everybody else does. 149 00:07:20,022 --> 00:07:22,859 The average settlement is $68,000. 150 00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:25,278 (chuckling) I'm not here to sue you. 151 00:07:25,361 --> 00:07:27,321 My name is Astrid Weller. 152 00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:28,739 I own an art gallery 153 00:07:28,823 --> 00:07:31,242 and I'd love to display your piece. 154 00:07:31,325 --> 00:07:34,203 You mean this hunk of junk? This isn't art. 155 00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:36,706 It's just the barbecue that pushed me over the edge. 156 00:07:36,789 --> 00:07:38,332 Didn't you? Didn't you? 157 00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:40,835 You stupid... (screams) 158 00:07:40,918 --> 00:07:43,171 Art isn't just pretty pictures. 159 00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:45,923 It's an expression of raw human emotion. 160 00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:47,800 In your case, rage. 161 00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:49,552 Oh, I got that, lady. 162 00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:51,095 Is everything OK? 163 00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:53,514 I got worried when I didn't hear any shots. 164 00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:55,391 This lady says I'm an artist. 165 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,351 You? An artist? 166 00:07:57,435 --> 00:08:01,564 Your husband's work is what we call "outsider art." 167 00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:03,608 It could be by a mental patient, 168 00:08:03,691 --> 00:08:06,152 or a hillbilly, or a chimpanzee. 169 00:08:06,235 --> 00:08:07,987 (gasps) In high school, I was voted 170 00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:09,906 "Most likely to be a mental patient, 171 00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:11,532 hillbilly, or chimpanzee." 172 00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:14,243 Well, you should be very excited, 173 00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:17,538 because outsider art couldn't be hotter. 174 00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:19,415 So you'd better catch the fever. 175 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,334 Catch it. 176 00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:30,426 {\an8}(munching) 177 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,178 {\an8}Dad, chew with your mouth closed. 178 00:08:32,261 --> 00:08:34,222 {\an8}You're losing your mystique. 179 00:08:34,889 --> 00:08:37,600 Lisa, all great artists love free food. 180 00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:39,393 Check out Jasper Johns. 181 00:08:40,269 --> 00:08:42,522 You squeal on me, I'll kill you. 182 00:08:43,814 --> 00:08:46,275 Mmm. I don't know. 183 00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:49,904 I studied art for years, but I just don't get this. 184 00:08:49,987 --> 00:08:52,698 Sounds like somebody's jealous. 185 00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:54,617 No, I'm not. 186 00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,410 I just can't believe some people 187 00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:58,162 are paying hundreds of dollars 188 00:08:58,246 --> 00:09:00,915 for something a hillbilly pulled out of the trash. 189 00:09:00,998 --> 00:09:02,917 Hey, I done studied for years 190 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:06,170 on how to get over that junkyard fence. 191 00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:09,590 Then I learnt the gate was open. 192 00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:12,718 Smithers, I think I'm in love... 193 00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:15,388 -(gasps) -...with this sculpture. 194 00:09:15,471 --> 00:09:17,974 Sir, that's by Homer Simpson. 195 00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:19,809 I don't think you want to buy it. 196 00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:22,728 Smithers, years ago, I blew the chance 197 00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:25,690 to buy Picasso's Guernica for a song. 198 00:09:25,773 --> 00:09:27,441 Luckily, that song was "White Christmas." 199 00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:29,777 And by hanging on to it, I made billions. 200 00:09:29,860 --> 00:09:32,822 Anyway, I love this hideous thing. 201 00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:35,157 Young lady, I'll take it. 202 00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:37,159 {\an8}Congratulations, Homer. 203 00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:39,870 {\an8}You're now a professional artist. 204 00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:42,999 Whoo-hoo! Look, Marge, my first sale! 205 00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:45,251 In your face Jasper Johns! 206 00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:46,502 Huh? 207 00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:54,302 (grunting) 208 00:09:54,385 --> 00:09:56,012 Where are you going with that junk, Dad? 209 00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:57,888 I'm going to be an outsider artist. 210 00:09:57,972 --> 00:10:00,182 That way, I can turn all these old baseball cards, 211 00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:03,477 Disney memorabilia and antiques into something valuable. 212 00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:06,731 Homie, I'm really happy you sold your sculpture, 213 00:10:06,814 --> 00:10:08,983 but don't you think it may have been a fluke? 214 00:10:09,066 --> 00:10:10,860 Hey, I've always had an interest in art 215 00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:13,112 dating back to my schoolgirl days, 216 00:10:13,195 --> 00:10:16,407 when I painted portrait after portrait of Ringo Starr. 217 00:10:16,490 --> 00:10:18,618 That's my life you're describing. 218 00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:22,330 I think I remember my own life, Marge. 219 00:10:22,413 --> 00:10:25,833 Astrid said the key to my art is anger, but you know me. 220 00:10:25,916 --> 00:10:28,002 -I'm Mr. Mellow. -BOTH: Hmm? 221 00:10:28,085 --> 00:10:31,047 So, I'm giving you kids permission to get me mad. 222 00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:32,214 Come on. Gimme what you got. 223 00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:34,967 Well, if it'll help, um... 224 00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:37,928 Mom found out her engagement ring is made of rock candy. 225 00:10:38,846 --> 00:10:41,891 (grunting) Good work, honey. Keep it coming. 226 00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:43,476 Well, I'm flunking math, and the other day 227 00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:45,144 I was a little attracted to Milhouse. 228 00:10:45,227 --> 00:10:46,937 (yelling) 229 00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:50,775 (screaming) 230 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,403 Moe, this is Astrid, my dealer. 231 00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:56,572 And these are my fans, Gunter, Kyoto 232 00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,699 and Cecil Hampstead-on-Cecil-Cecil. 233 00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:01,619 So, uh, you guys are Eurotrash, huh? 234 00:11:01,702 --> 00:11:03,537 How's that, uh, working out for you? 235 00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:06,207 Eh, to be honest, we are adrift 236 00:11:06,290 --> 00:11:10,336 in a sea of decadent luxury and meaningless sex. 237 00:11:10,419 --> 00:11:14,674 Uh-huh. So, where might this sea be located? Hmm? 238 00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:16,133 I must get back to my hotel 239 00:11:16,217 --> 00:11:18,427 and practice my affectations for tomorrow. 240 00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:19,887 [in French] Bon soir. 241 00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:21,472 [in English] What do we owe you, Moe? 242 00:11:21,555 --> 00:11:22,598 Nothing, nothing. 243 00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:24,183 Just give me a priceless sketch 244 00:11:24,266 --> 00:11:26,018 with a certificate of authenticity. 245 00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:28,521 All right. (mumbling) 246 00:11:28,604 --> 00:11:31,065 Hey, Moe, could I pay with a drawing? 247 00:11:31,148 --> 00:11:32,900 Yeah, nice try, there, 12-step. 248 00:11:32,983 --> 00:11:34,360 Aw! 249 00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:42,535 Uh, Homer, you're making us a little bit uncomfortable. 250 00:11:42,618 --> 00:11:46,247 Relax, big guy. He's just doing this for his art. Right, Homer? 251 00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:49,625 {\an8}Oh, yeah... art. 252 00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,879 Why won't you be art? (grunts) 253 00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:55,131 Here he is. 254 00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:58,175 This is where the magic happens. 255 00:11:58,259 --> 00:11:59,427 Wonderful news, Homer. 256 00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:00,803 Is it about pies? 257 00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:02,805 Uh, um, no. 258 00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:07,101 We're going to hold a show devoted entirely to you. 259 00:12:07,184 --> 00:12:12,231 Wow. It's like Marge's dream come true for me. 260 00:12:12,314 --> 00:12:14,942 Isn't that great, Marge? For me. 261 00:12:15,025 --> 00:12:16,444 (Marge groaning) 262 00:12:17,862 --> 00:12:21,407 Look, Marge. They're advertising my show in Art in America. 263 00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:24,869 It's the first time I've been mentioned there that I know of. 264 00:12:24,952 --> 00:12:26,912 I'm happy for you. Now, good night. 265 00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:28,247 Good night. 266 00:12:29,123 --> 00:12:30,750 You're upset about something. 267 00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:32,626 Is this about that trip Barney and I took 268 00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:34,044 to Machu Picchu? 269 00:12:34,128 --> 00:12:35,129 Now, Homer, 270 00:12:35,212 --> 00:12:36,964 being an artist was my dream. 271 00:12:37,047 --> 00:12:39,467 But now, without even trying, 272 00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:40,926 you've accomplished more in a week 273 00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:42,970 than I have in my whole life. 274 00:12:43,053 --> 00:12:45,556 Aw, honey, I've always liked your art. 275 00:12:45,639 --> 00:12:48,726 Your paintings look like the things they look like. 276 00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:50,352 That's sweet, but... 277 00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:52,146 How would you like it if I, 278 00:12:52,229 --> 00:12:55,483 I don't know, entered a belching contest? 279 00:12:55,566 --> 00:12:57,401 Frankly, I'd be a little turned on. 280 00:12:57,485 --> 00:13:00,029 (sighs) You don't understand. 281 00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:03,324 Marge, I've screwed up everything I've ever done. 282 00:13:03,407 --> 00:13:05,493 I mean, look at Bart. 283 00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:07,369 But I finally found something 284 00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:09,997 where people worship me for screwing up, 285 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:11,916 and that feels pretty good. 286 00:13:11,999 --> 00:13:13,667 {\an8}I guess nothing else matters 287 00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:15,586 {\an8}as long as you're happy. 288 00:13:15,669 --> 00:13:18,589 Now you're making sense. Good night. 289 00:13:18,672 --> 00:13:24,178 {\an8}(Homer snoring) 290 00:13:24,678 --> 00:13:27,765 (indistinct chattering) 291 00:13:30,351 --> 00:13:33,896 -Then I bought a Rembrandt. -(burps) 292 00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:38,901 Homer is the most dangerous artist on the Springfield scene. 293 00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:42,363 Now, let's see what surprises he has for us tonight. 294 00:13:42,446 --> 00:13:44,490 (applause) 295 00:13:44,573 --> 00:13:46,492 I give you "botched hibachi." 296 00:13:46,575 --> 00:13:49,119 The tricycle's on loan from the Maggie Simpson collection. 297 00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:52,373 This piece I call "failed shelving unit 298 00:13:52,456 --> 00:13:55,209 with stupid, stuck chainsaw and applesauce." 299 00:13:55,292 --> 00:13:58,462 And finally, my thing de resistance, 300 00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:01,674 "attempted birdhouse one." 301 00:14:01,757 --> 00:14:04,218 (cawing) 302 00:14:04,301 --> 00:14:06,387 (appalled murmuring) 303 00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:09,723 Shall we start the bidding at, say, $10,000? 304 00:14:10,432 --> 00:14:12,268 (indistinct throat-clearing) 305 00:14:12,351 --> 00:14:14,854 {\an8}All right, how about a million? 306 00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:17,898 {\an8}I'll give you two bucks for the bird if it's still alive. 307 00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:21,235 What's going on here? 308 00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:22,987 You weirdos love this stuff. 309 00:14:23,070 --> 00:14:26,240 Homer, I'm afraid they only love what's new and shocking. 310 00:14:26,323 --> 00:14:28,909 These pieces are just like your earlier work. 311 00:14:28,993 --> 00:14:31,662 You've gone from hip to boring. 312 00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:34,456 Why don't you call us when you get to kitsch? 313 00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:35,875 (strained laugh) 314 00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:37,585 Come on, Gunter, Kyoto. 315 00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:40,504 If we hurry, we can still catch the heroin craze. Mm. 316 00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:43,257 Wait! Come back! I'm a God to you! 317 00:14:43,340 --> 00:14:44,550 Worship me 318 00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:46,510 or fear my wrath! 319 00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:49,263 Oh, please, fear my wrath! 320 00:14:49,346 --> 00:14:50,806 Please! 321 00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:52,683 Call me. 322 00:14:56,270 --> 00:14:57,563 {\an8}I don't get it. 323 00:14:57,646 --> 00:15:00,316 Why don't people like my art anymore? 324 00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:02,026 Homer, I know you worked hard, 325 00:15:02,109 --> 00:15:06,113 but all of your things were kind of the same. 326 00:15:06,196 --> 00:15:08,574 Hey, Ray Jay Johnson never changed his act. 327 00:15:08,657 --> 00:15:10,868 And he's more popular now than he's ever been. 328 00:15:10,951 --> 00:15:11,869 Who? 329 00:15:11,952 --> 00:15:13,120 ♪ You can call him Ray ♪ 330 00:15:13,203 --> 00:15:15,039 ♪ Or you can call him Jay ♪ 331 00:15:15,122 --> 00:15:17,041 ♪ Or you can call him Ray-Jay ♪ 332 00:15:17,124 --> 00:15:18,542 ♪ But you doesn't have to... ♪ 333 00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:20,336 I'm sick of him already. 334 00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:23,756 The point is, great artists are always trying new things. 335 00:15:23,839 --> 00:15:26,634 Like Michelangelo, or Shaquille O'Neal. 336 00:15:26,717 --> 00:15:29,219 You just need some inspiration. 337 00:15:30,846 --> 00:15:34,058 It's so exciting to do something cultural together. 338 00:15:34,975 --> 00:15:37,478 Matt Groening? What's he doing in a museum? 339 00:15:37,561 --> 00:15:39,396 He can barely draw. 340 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:42,566 Ow! Oh, no! I'm being erased! 341 00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:45,819 Move it, bub. We got an installation to installate. 342 00:15:47,154 --> 00:15:49,657 Mm, a Claes Oldenburg. 343 00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:52,242 {\an8}He's a European who defied convention 344 00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:54,703 {\an8}and embraced American popular culture. 345 00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,038 (whistles) 346 00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:58,707 He must be 100 feet tall. 347 00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:02,461 Now this is a Joseph Turner. 348 00:16:02,544 --> 00:16:05,214 In an era when everyone else painted portraits, 349 00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:08,342 he broke away by painting the Venetian canals. 350 00:16:08,425 --> 00:16:11,845 It's glorious. The streets are paved with water. 351 00:16:11,929 --> 00:16:13,847 You could ride a walrus to work. 352 00:16:13,931 --> 00:16:17,267 And Picasso started out painting realistically, 353 00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:18,936 then moved on to cubism. 354 00:16:19,019 --> 00:16:21,021 By the end of his life, he was just painting 355 00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:22,815 crank letters to the editor. 356 00:16:22,898 --> 00:16:25,109 {\an8}they call it his "angry jerk" period. 357 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,569 (gurgling) 358 00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:29,738 Mm... Split-pea. 359 00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,657 (gasping) With ham! 360 00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:33,450 Any ideas yet? 361 00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:35,869 No. These guys are geniuses. 362 00:16:35,953 --> 00:16:39,289 I could never think of something like soup or a pencil. 363 00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:40,916 Oh! 364 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,669 I'm just going to rest for a minute. 365 00:16:44,795 --> 00:16:47,172 (snoring) 366 00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:51,468 (growling) 367 00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:52,803 (sniffing) 368 00:16:53,387 --> 00:16:55,014 What the... Who the... Hey! 369 00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:56,432 (karate yell) 370 00:16:56,515 --> 00:17:01,520 (yelping) You're mean. 371 00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:04,857 (playing happy Spanish music) 372 00:17:04,940 --> 00:17:08,068 -(guns cocking) -Hasta la vista, baby! 373 00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:09,236 (machine gun firing) 374 00:17:09,319 --> 00:17:12,197 (moaning) 375 00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:15,075 Hmm? (groans) What the... 376 00:17:15,534 --> 00:17:16,660 Ew! 377 00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:18,495 (gasps) D'oh! 378 00:17:19,955 --> 00:17:22,708 (grunts) Soup's on, fat boy. 379 00:17:22,791 --> 00:17:25,586 Ow! (screams) No! 380 00:17:25,669 --> 00:17:28,756 {\an8}Ow! No! Ow! No. No. 381 00:17:28,839 --> 00:17:31,592 -Andy, no! -Homer. Homer! 382 00:17:31,675 --> 00:17:34,678 Marge! Oh, why does art hate me? 383 00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:36,764 I never did anything to art. 384 00:17:36,847 --> 00:17:38,265 Oh. Let's get out of here. 385 00:17:40,392 --> 00:17:43,228 Well, Dad, if the museum didn't inspire you, 386 00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:46,356 maybe you should do something really radical, like Christo. 387 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:47,608 Is he that jerk that revealed 388 00:17:47,691 --> 00:17:48,984 the magician's secrets? 389 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,111 No. Christo is a conceptual artist 390 00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:53,322 who does huge outdoor projects. 391 00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:55,741 He once wrapped the Reichstag in plastic. 392 00:17:55,824 --> 00:17:57,701 Not the Reichstag! 393 00:17:57,785 --> 00:18:00,454 Oh, yes, and he also set up hundreds of yellow umbrellas 394 00:18:00,537 --> 00:18:03,373 -along the California highway. -Why did he do that? 395 00:18:03,457 --> 00:18:06,126 To make the world a more magical place, I guess, 396 00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:08,670 Although they did blow over and kill some people. 397 00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:10,214 Killer umbrellas? 398 00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:11,924 Of course. 399 00:18:12,007 --> 00:18:13,634 Exquisite. 400 00:18:13,717 --> 00:18:15,427 No, Dad. No. My point is, you have to do 401 00:18:15,511 --> 00:18:17,387 something big and daring. 402 00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:19,723 Big? Daring? Lisa, that's it! 403 00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:22,476 I've got an idea for a wonderful art project 404 00:18:22,559 --> 00:18:24,436 that'll make everyone love me again. 405 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:27,773 Step one, steal all the doormats in town. 406 00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:30,359 Hit the road, "Welcome home." 407 00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:33,028 Adios , "Casa de Flanders." 408 00:18:34,029 --> 00:18:36,156 See ya in hell, "God bless this house." 409 00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:39,118 So long, "The Simpsons." 410 00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:40,410 D'oh! 411 00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:44,456 HOMER: Step two, snorkel the animals. 412 00:18:48,585 --> 00:18:52,297 {\an8}(panting) It wasn't easy But I got all the grizzlies. 413 00:18:52,381 --> 00:18:55,050 Great. I'll do the pony while you do the lions. 414 00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:57,010 Make sure you strap 'em on real tight. 415 00:18:57,511 --> 00:18:59,096 Now, step three. 416 00:19:01,181 --> 00:19:03,851 Are you sure this is art and not vandalism? 417 00:19:03,934 --> 00:19:06,353 That's for the courts to decide, son. 418 00:19:06,436 --> 00:19:09,648 -(water gurgling) -(birds chirping) 419 00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:11,900 (creaking) 420 00:19:13,026 --> 00:19:15,404 HOMER: Wake up! Wake up, Springfield! 421 00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:18,407 I've got a surprise for you. 422 00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:20,701 Oh, Lord, what now? 423 00:19:20,784 --> 00:19:22,035 (dolphin clicking) 424 00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:23,745 Oh, that can't be good. 425 00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:25,539 People of Springfield, 426 00:19:25,622 --> 00:19:27,499 behold, my latest work! 427 00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:30,294 Homer, what have you done? 428 00:19:30,377 --> 00:19:31,879 It's conceptual art. 429 00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:33,881 The grand canals of Springfield. 430 00:19:33,964 --> 00:19:37,009 Just like Venice, without the black plague. What do you think? 431 00:19:37,092 --> 00:19:39,469 I think some people are going to be upset. 432 00:19:39,553 --> 00:19:41,263 I love it, Homer. 433 00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:44,099 You've turned this town into a work of art. 434 00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:47,519 I just wish Jasper Johns hadn't stolen my boat. 435 00:19:47,936 --> 00:19:49,771 -(screams) -So long, suckers! 436 00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:51,857 Well, they're in the business. 437 00:19:51,940 --> 00:19:54,943 Real people might not be so understanding. 438 00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:56,778 FLANDERS: What the flood? 439 00:19:57,112 --> 00:19:59,114 Maude, it's a miracle! 440 00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:00,866 The Lord has drowned the wicked 441 00:20:00,949 --> 00:20:02,743 and spared the righteous. 442 00:20:02,826 --> 00:20:05,078 (gasps) Isn't that Homer Simpson? 443 00:20:05,162 --> 00:20:09,416 {\an8}Ugh. Looks like heaven's easier to get into than Arizona State. 444 00:20:10,918 --> 00:20:14,463 Oh! I hate these flood pants. 445 00:20:17,507 --> 00:20:19,509 Hey! They're working! 446 00:20:19,593 --> 00:20:22,638 My feet are soaked, but my cuffs are bone-dry. 447 00:20:22,721 --> 00:20:25,474 Everything's comin' up, Milhouse. 448 00:20:28,977 --> 00:20:30,771 BURN VICTIMS: Ah... 449 00:20:30,854 --> 00:20:36,526 [singing in Italian] ♪ Arrivederci ♪ 450 00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:38,737 ♪ Roma ♪ 451 00:20:42,699 --> 00:20:45,327 Edna, I'm going to pop you a question. 452 00:20:46,328 --> 00:20:48,330 I hope the answer is yes. 453 00:20:48,747 --> 00:20:50,624 Do you think mother would like this hat pin? 454 00:20:50,707 --> 00:20:53,043 Oh... yes. 455 00:20:53,126 --> 00:20:56,213 Oh, you've made me the happiest man on Earth. 456 00:21:05,472 --> 00:21:07,766 Well, Homer, I have to admit, 457 00:21:07,849 --> 00:21:10,727 you created something people really love. 458 00:21:10,811 --> 00:21:12,729 You truly are an artist. 459 00:21:12,813 --> 00:21:16,441 No, I'm just a nut who couldn't build a barbecue. 460 00:21:16,525 --> 00:21:19,236 You'll always be the artist in the family. 461 00:21:19,319 --> 00:21:20,737 Aw. 462 00:21:20,821 --> 00:21:22,197 -Is that our house? -Yep. 463 00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:25,075 -And is that us on the roof? -That's us. 464 00:21:25,158 --> 00:21:27,202 Are we kissing? 465 00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:29,997 Ooh, I don't know. Could be. 466 00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:32,207 I need some inspiration. 467 00:21:33,959 --> 00:21:39,089 [singing in Italian] ♪ Arrivederci ♪ 468 00:21:39,172 --> 00:21:41,008 ♪ Roma ♪ 469 00:21:41,717 --> 00:21:42,926 JASPER JOHNS: Yoink. 470 00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:49,725 ♪ It's time for us to part ♪ 471 00:21:51,935 --> 00:21:57,024 ♪ Save the wedding bells for my returning ♪ 472 00:21:57,107 --> 00:22:01,987 ♪ Keep my lover's arms outstretched and yearning ♪ 473 00:22:02,070 --> 00:22:06,658 ♪ Please be sure the flame of love keeps burning ♪ 474 00:22:06,742 --> 00:22:10,829 ♪ In her heart ♪ 475 00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:32,517 (audience murmuring) 476 00:22:32,601 --> 00:22:33,602 Shh! 477 00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:38,523 {\an8}Captioned by Visual Data Media Services