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CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
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(theme music playing)
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(school bell ringing)
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(whistle blowing)
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(beeping)
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(playing the blues)
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(tires screeching)
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(clanging)
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(honking horn)
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D'oh!
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-(screams)
-(tires screeching)
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Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me.
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-Mmm.
-Hey.
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{\an8}Ah, but Paris would make a très bon site
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{\an8}for the next Olympic Games.
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{\an8}And, uh, why is that?
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{\an8}We don't have to explain ourselves
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{\an8}to the likes of you.
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{\an8}I await your reply.
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{\an8}I recommend Moscow
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{\an8}where the American dollar
buys seven rubles.
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{\an8}-(pager beeping)
-12 rubles.
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{\an8}-(pager beeping)
-60 rubles.
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{\an8}-(pager beeping)
-1,000 rubles.
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{\an8}I must go!
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{\an8}-I suggest Motown.
-Detroit?
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{\an8}No, no. Mongolia town,
home of the Motown sound.
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{\an8}(singing loudly)
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{\an8}(clicking tongue)
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{\an8}You are all crazy.
The answer is Buenos Aires.
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{\an8}-Hokkaido.
-Budapest.
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{\an8}-Cleveland.
-England.
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{\an8}-London.
-Bangkok.
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{\an8}People! People, please. You're forgetting
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{\an8}what the Olympics are all about.
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{\an8}Giving out medals of beautiful gold,
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{\an8}so-so silver and shameful bronze.
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{\an8}(groaning and muttering)
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{\an8}I have here a letter
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{\an8}from a little girl named Lisa Simpson.
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{\an8}She says her town
might not be important enough
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{\an8}to host the Olympics,
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{\an8}but she asks if the torch
could just pass by
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{\an8}so she can experience the glow
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{\an8}that we feel every day.
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{\an8}Well, I say we don't bring her the torch.
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{\an8}I say we bring her the Olympic Games!
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{\an8}Who is with me?
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{\an8}Well, I don't care. It's my decision.
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{\an8}Springfield was shocked today
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{\an8}to learn it will host the next Olympics.
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{\an8}Economists predict our city
will experience the same boom
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{\an8}that Sarajevo enjoyed
after the 1984 games.
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{\an8}And it's all because of your letter, Lisa.
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{\an8}Well, actually, I just wrote it
for a school assignment.
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{\an8}Everyone else wrote
to the Backstreet Boys.
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{\an8}To honor the arrival of
our foreign friends and enemies,
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{\an8}Channel Six is sponsoring
a contest to find
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a Springfield Olympic mascot.
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The winner will join
such other memorable mascots
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as the Atlanta "Whatzit"
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and the Montreal "Vampire."
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{\an8}A mascot contest?
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I'm sure to win that...
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unless one of you jinxes me.
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No one's going to jinx you, Homer.
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In fact, we're rooting for you.
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Yeah! Go for the gold, Dad!
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Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
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Well, you said I couldn't do it,
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but here it is.
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{\an8}Meet Abby, the Olympic tabby.
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BART: How did you get the eyes to move?
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(meowing)
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You papier-mâche'd my cat?
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Just for the prototype, honey.
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(meows, slurps)
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-(hisses)
-Huh?
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Knowing you always hate my first idea,
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I prepared a backup.
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How about a big Olympic hello
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for Springy, the Springfield spring?
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BART: Those aren't
the dog's eyes, are they?
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Hey, that's cute.
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Good work, Dad.
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It's fun for the whole family
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and the ends are razor-sharp
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to protect our nation and its interests.
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Ow!
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God bless America!
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Hit the road, Lefty!
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You, too, Rizzo.
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-(squeaking)
-Oh, Cinnamon.
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Don't make this harder than it already is.
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{\an8}(crowd cheering and whooping)
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Bravo, Springfield.
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I've never seen such a clean sewer.
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And we are positively inspired
by your solar power plant.
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Yes, love that sun, man.
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And we will do anything
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including but not limited to anything
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to make your stay here tolerable.
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Yes, you'll be completely above the law.
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Uh, women, guns, cash...
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uh, whatever you need, it's yours.
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(man whistles)
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And that's not all.
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We've just chosen
our official Olympic mascot.
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(crowd gasps and applauds)
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-(whistles)
-(indistinct chatter)
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(gasping) They picked Springy!
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In your face, Patty and Selma.
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Well, we still love you, Ciggy.
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SELMA: Yeah.
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Mmm... That glue really gives it a pop.
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And now, because the children
are our future,
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here are the children
of Springfield Elementary
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with a song they call
"The Children Are Our Future."
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Children?
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(upbeat pop music playing)
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CHORUS: ♪ Children ♪
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♪ Children ♪
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♪ Future ♪
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♪ Future ♪
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♪ Are you ready for the ♪
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CHORUS: ♪ Children! Whoa, whoa, whoa! ♪
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♪ The future is a ♪
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CHORUS: ♪ Coming! Hey, hey, hey! ♪
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♪ Children ♪
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♪ Children ♪
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♪ Future ♪
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♪ Future... ♪
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I've never wanted a beer worse in my life.
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(gasps)
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I love you, honey.
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Are you talking to me or the beer?
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To you my bubbly, long-necked,
beechwood-aged lover.
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CHORUS: ♪ Children, children ♪
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♪ Children are the future ♪
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♪ Kids! ♪
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Bravo!
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Magnifique!
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(crowd cheering)
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Muy bueno.
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It gives me great pride
to officially declare
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the next Olympics
will be held right here in--
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Wait, wait. We have one more act.
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The patriotic comedy stylings
of Bart Simpson.
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MAN: Oh, Bart.
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Thank you, thank you.
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So, uh, you're from Russia, huh?
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Da!
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-You drunk yet?
-Da.
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Poland, eh? Ha.
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Too easy.
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{\an8}How you doing, Germany?
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{\an8}Here's my impression
of an East German woman:
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{\an8}Kiss me, or I'll crush you.
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(laughing)
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He says what we're all thinking.
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I'm not thinking that.
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Hey, Swiss miss.
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There no missing you, babe. (laughs)
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-Lay off the cocoa.
-(growls)
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{\an8}(kids laughing)
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{\an8}(speaking Swiss German)
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(in English) Now, I'd like to
say one last thing
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to our Olympic representatives.
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If there was a medal
for horrible audiences,
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you'd get the gold.
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Peace out.
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(microphone feedback)
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(all gasp)
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(growls)
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(tires screeching)
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Skinner!
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How could you put this boy on
with that horrible material?
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Well, it really did seem
funny in rehearsal.
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And he didn't even get
to his Ubangi routine.
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(laughing)
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Ha, ha, ha. Laugh it up, you punks,
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'cause you and Jan Murray here
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just cost our town the Olympics.
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Hey, Chalmers, where are you from?
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I... Oh, well, I was born in Queens,
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went to Ball State,
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then made the move
to Intercourse, Pennsylvania.
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Uh, why do you ask?
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Don't worry, sir.
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I'll teach these children
respect for their town.
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I'm assigning each of you
20 hours of community service.
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ALL: Oh.
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Community service?
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No, no!
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"Intercourse"?
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{\an8}What if we refuse?
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{\an8}You won't pass to the next grade.
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{\an8}I fail to see the threat.
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Skinner! Good idea.
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Now, if you'll excuse me,
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I'm off to vacation at Lake Titicaca.
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Let's see you make a joke
out of that, Mr. Smart Guy.
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All right, Martin,
for your community service
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you'll be setting up
a midnight basketball program
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for inner-city street gangs.
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All right, gang, shirts and skins.
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Let's hustle!
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(gunshot)
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(tires screeching)
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00:09:00,915 --> 00:09:02,833
Milhouse, do you like the beach?
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00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:04,126
Who doesn't?
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00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:05,294
SEYMOUR: Good.
213
00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:08,548
I want you to pick up
all this medical waste
214
00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:11,217
that's washed up on the shore here.
215
00:09:12,843 --> 00:09:15,388
Ow! I pricked myself.
216
00:09:15,471 --> 00:09:17,056
Well, just keep working.
217
00:09:17,139 --> 00:09:18,599
You'll prick yourself with the antidote
218
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:20,184
-sooner or later.
-(sighs)
219
00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:23,896
What are you going to do to me?
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00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:27,066
Bart, not all community service
is gang warfare
221
00:09:27,149 --> 00:09:29,443
and dangerous infection,
and to illustrate that point,
222
00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:31,779
here's where you'll be working.
223
00:09:31,862 --> 00:09:34,156
The fireworks, candy and puppy dog store?
224
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:37,410
(puppies barking)
225
00:09:37,493 --> 00:09:39,078
No, no, no. Next to it.
226
00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:45,126
Settle a bet, boil or mole?
227
00:09:45,209 --> 00:09:46,752
(groans)
228
00:09:52,508 --> 00:09:54,594
OK, just breathe through your mouth
229
00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:56,345
and don't ask how they're feeling.
230
00:09:58,306 --> 00:09:59,849
(Muzak playing "Zippity Doo Dah")
231
00:10:00,224 --> 00:10:02,518
(both groaning)
232
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,186
{\an8}Oh, man.
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00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,188
(shrieks)
234
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:07,273
Whoa!
235
00:10:07,356 --> 00:10:08,733
(grunts)
236
00:10:08,816 --> 00:10:10,568
(teeth chattering)
237
00:10:10,651 --> 00:10:12,862
(all talking together)
Oh, aren't you beautiful.
238
00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:14,739
-Let's pull his skin.
-(yelps)
239
00:10:14,822 --> 00:10:16,240
Look at that.
240
00:10:16,324 --> 00:10:19,201
Oh, be a dear and snap
my support hose to my girdle.
241
00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:20,870
(shuddering)
242
00:10:20,953 --> 00:10:23,748
(bell ringing) Two o'clock.
Recreation time.
243
00:10:23,831 --> 00:10:25,666
Phew. Saved by the bell. Whoa.
244
00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:27,376
Where do you think you're going?
245
00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:29,128
(gulps)
246
00:10:32,506 --> 00:10:34,592
Oh, no, Lis. They got you, too?
247
00:10:34,675 --> 00:10:36,093
Got me? What are you talking about?
248
00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:37,970
I've been volunteering here for a year.
249
00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:40,306
MAN: Hello, let's hear some numbers.
250
00:10:40,389 --> 00:10:42,725
I got a nice diagonal going here.
251
00:10:43,851 --> 00:10:44,894
B-3.
252
00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:46,395
You sunk my battleship.
253
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,606
(laughing)
254
00:10:48,689 --> 00:10:50,232
G-52.
255
00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:52,401
You sunk my battleship.
256
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:53,986
(laughing)
257
00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:56,572
Oh, I got a bingo! What do I win?
258
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:57,740
A banana!
259
00:10:57,823 --> 00:10:58,866
A whole one?
260
00:10:58,949 --> 00:11:00,034
Yep.
261
00:11:00,117 --> 00:11:02,203
That's the prize? A banana?
262
00:11:02,286 --> 00:11:03,954
Their natural mushiness prevents choking
263
00:11:04,038 --> 00:11:05,706
and promotes regularity.
264
00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:07,249
They're not babies, Lisa.
265
00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:10,169
Give them something fun,
like cigars or booze.
266
00:11:10,252 --> 00:11:12,213
We tried giving them eggnog at Christmas
267
00:11:12,296 --> 00:11:14,465
but it led to widespread de-shawling.
268
00:11:14,548 --> 00:11:15,841
Well, that's what they get
269
00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:18,886
for wearing such tight, little shawls.
270
00:11:18,969 --> 00:11:20,012
-Oh!
-(laughs)
271
00:11:20,888 --> 00:11:23,265
OK, four o'clock, nap time.
272
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:24,308
(all snoring)
273
00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:25,976
You tell them when to sleep?
274
00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:27,687
Shh. Don't wake them.
275
00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:29,271
(vacuum whirring)
276
00:11:31,107 --> 00:11:32,316
While they sleep,
277
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,402
we suck up excess dirt and crumbs.
278
00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:37,863
Here you go. Make sure you get
into every crevice.
279
00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:39,448
(snoring)
280
00:11:40,074 --> 00:11:41,325
Cool!
281
00:11:41,409 --> 00:11:43,577
Grampa... Homer.
282
00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:45,621
Grampa... Homer.
283
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,957
Don't play with the faces.
284
00:11:50,334 --> 00:11:51,335
(all munching)
285
00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:54,588
So, Bart, how was your first day
of forced volunteerism?
286
00:11:54,672 --> 00:11:56,173
That place sucks.
287
00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:58,592
The nurses don't let Grampa do anything.
288
00:11:58,676 --> 00:12:00,636
They practically chew his food for him.
289
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,096
Lucky stiff.
290
00:12:02,179 --> 00:12:03,848
I'm working my ass off here.
291
00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:06,058
Good steak, honey.
292
00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:08,269
The elderly aren't like you or me, Bart.
293
00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:10,604
They thrive on consistency,
predictability,
294
00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:12,273
and a life with no surprises.
295
00:12:12,356 --> 00:12:13,566
Sounds good to me.
296
00:12:13,649 --> 00:12:14,650
(doorbell ringing)
297
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:15,735
I'll get it.
298
00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:17,361
(chortling)
299
00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:19,864
Delivery for Homer Simpson.
300
00:12:19,947 --> 00:12:22,283
(grunting)
301
00:12:22,783 --> 00:12:24,326
Mmm. Whoo-hoo!
302
00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:26,370
My springs! They finally came!
303
00:12:26,454 --> 00:12:28,789
But we lost the Olympics to Shelbyville.
304
00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:30,499
Yeah, but I should have no problem
305
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,001
selling a thousand springs.
306
00:12:32,084 --> 00:12:33,669
-To who?
-Idiots.
307
00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:36,630
Ooh, these are fun!
308
00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:40,217
Oh, Rhett.
309
00:12:41,093 --> 00:12:44,889
Rhett! Oh, Rhett, where will I go?
310
00:12:44,972 --> 00:12:46,557
What'll I do?
311
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:48,976
Frankly, my dear, I love you.
312
00:12:49,059 --> 00:12:50,478
Let's remarry.
313
00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:52,563
(seniors applauding)
314
00:12:52,646 --> 00:12:54,482
Oh, what a lovely ending.
315
00:12:54,565 --> 00:12:56,150
That's sweet.
316
00:12:56,233 --> 00:12:57,985
They cut out the best word!
317
00:12:58,068 --> 00:13:01,322
Didn't that movie used
to have a war in it?
318
00:13:01,405 --> 00:13:03,199
Come on. Get up! You've been warned.
319
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:06,535
Picture yourself
on a beautiful sailboat...
320
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,204
(tape playing ocean noises)
321
00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:11,165
Ah, can't you just feel
the sea breeze in your hair?
322
00:13:12,374 --> 00:13:13,709
Or scalps?
323
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:16,587
Say, I hear a foghorn.
324
00:13:16,670 --> 00:13:18,798
(imitating foghorn) Boooor-ing.
325
00:13:18,881 --> 00:13:21,467
Come on, Bart, we don't want
to overstimulate these people.
326
00:13:21,550 --> 00:13:22,968
They just had pudding.
327
00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:24,512
(ringing doorbell)
328
00:13:26,096 --> 00:13:28,641
Hello, little girl. Is your mommy home?
329
00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:30,476
You'll need to ask her for five dollars
330
00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:32,144
to buy Mr. Bouncy Best-friend!
331
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:34,146
I know you.
332
00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:37,233
Your little smart-mouthed boy
cost this town the Olympics.
333
00:13:37,316 --> 00:13:38,150
MRS.SKINNER: Yow!
334
00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:39,235
SKINNER: Who is it, mother?
335
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:40,820
Bart Simpson's father.
336
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:42,154
Oh, I'll be right down.
337
00:13:42,238 --> 00:13:43,906
(footsteps on stairs)
338
00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:45,950
(grunting in pain)
339
00:13:48,327 --> 00:13:49,829
(continues grunting)
340
00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:51,205
HOMER: Boy, Lenny
341
00:13:51,288 --> 00:13:54,458
You sure look hungry. Have some nuts.
342
00:13:54,542 --> 00:13:58,379
Hey, thanks. Ow! My eye! Ow! Ow! Ow!
343
00:13:58,462 --> 00:14:00,172
(laughing)
344
00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:02,925
Now, if you want to be the life
of the party like Lenny here,
345
00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:04,218
just place your order
346
00:14:04,301 --> 00:14:06,846
for this hilarious novelty item.
347
00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:09,098
Homer, get out of here.
348
00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:11,267
Boy, Moe, you sure look angry.
349
00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:12,810
Here, have some nuts.
350
00:14:12,893 --> 00:14:13,978
Hey, thanks.
351
00:14:14,061 --> 00:14:15,062
Ow!
352
00:14:15,145 --> 00:14:16,397
God, my eye!
353
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,440
-Get it out! Geez!
-(Lenny moaning)
354
00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:20,359
Ahh! Ow! Ow!
355
00:14:20,442 --> 00:14:22,736
-Don't pull. Don't pull.
-(straining)
356
00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:26,198
I said don't pull. Don't.
357
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:28,284
Now we're pulling into port.
358
00:14:28,367 --> 00:14:31,203
(gasps) And who's waiting
for us at the dock?
359
00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:33,622
Why, it's all your childhood dogs.
360
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:36,333
I see Petey and Blackie
and Schnoodle and...
361
00:14:36,417 --> 00:14:38,294
-Oh, no! Pirates!
-Pirates?
362
00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:40,963
Ahoy, mateys, it's me, Long Bart Silver
363
00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:43,090
And I'm going to rip you a new IV hole.
364
00:14:43,173 --> 00:14:44,174
(anxious gasps)
365
00:14:44,258 --> 00:14:45,843
Bart, what are you doing?
366
00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:47,928
I'm just trying
to liven things up around here.
367
00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:49,513
These people need to ride motorcycles
368
00:14:49,597 --> 00:14:51,056
and play rockin' electric guitars
369
00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:52,558
like the old people on TV.
370
00:14:52,641 --> 00:14:55,019
Excuse me, but when those pirates boarded
371
00:14:55,102 --> 00:14:57,813
I swallowed my wedding ring
for safekeeping.
372
00:14:57,897 --> 00:14:58,939
Get me some Ipecac.
373
00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:00,482
I'd like to expunge it.
374
00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:01,817
(groans)
375
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:02,902
OK, she's gone,
376
00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:04,320
let's break out of here and have some fun.
377
00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:05,821
Should we ask someone...
378
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:08,657
But if I get up,
somebody'll take my chair.
379
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:09,742
Got that right.
380
00:15:09,825 --> 00:15:10,993
It's the only one left with padding.
381
00:15:11,076 --> 00:15:12,703
ALL (in hushed tones): Padding...
382
00:15:12,786 --> 00:15:13,996
(groans)
383
00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:15,623
What about you, Chief?
384
00:15:15,706 --> 00:15:17,499
Don't you want to be free like the eagle?
385
00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:18,626
Oh, I don't live here.
386
00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:21,629
I'm just dropping off
Indian casino pamphlets.
387
00:15:21,712 --> 00:15:24,131
Vote yes on Prop 217.
388
00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:26,926
-(grunts)
-(glass shattering)
389
00:15:29,553 --> 00:15:33,140
You know, the door was open,
Chief Break-everything!
390
00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:35,351
Come on, people!
391
00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:36,727
You don't want to stay in a place
392
00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:38,145
where they vacuum you while you sleep.
393
00:15:38,228 --> 00:15:39,188
They do what now?
394
00:15:39,271 --> 00:15:41,690
Now's our chance. Let's go!
395
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,484
(all chattering excitedly)
396
00:15:47,696 --> 00:15:50,115
Oh, no. Bart has stolen the elderly.
397
00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:52,368
-(glass shattering)
-(exclaims)
398
00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:53,452
Forgot my hat.
399
00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:04,588
(song playing)
♪ Can't buy me love ♪
400
00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:05,589
(impact grunt)
401
00:16:05,673 --> 00:16:07,466
♪ Love ♪
402
00:16:07,549 --> 00:16:11,303
(song playing) ♪ Can't buy me love ♪
403
00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:13,555
♪ I'll buy you a diamond ring my friend ♪
404
00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:15,474
♪ If it makes you feel all right ♪
405
00:16:15,557 --> 00:16:16,475
(laughing)
406
00:16:16,558 --> 00:16:19,228
♪ I'll get you anything my friend ♪
407
00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:21,397
♪ If it makes you feel all right ♪
408
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:22,314
(both grunting)
409
00:16:22,398 --> 00:16:24,858
♪ 'Cause I don't care too much for money ♪
410
00:16:24,942 --> 00:16:27,820
♪ Money can't buy me love ♪
411
00:16:27,903 --> 00:16:30,239
♪ I'll give you all I've got to give ♪
412
00:16:30,322 --> 00:16:33,200
♪ If you say you love me, too ♪
413
00:16:33,283 --> 00:16:35,411
♪ I may not have a lot
to give, but what I got ♪
414
00:16:35,494 --> 00:16:36,495
(grunt)
415
00:16:36,578 --> 00:16:37,871
♪ I'll give to you ♪
416
00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:38,789
Oy!
417
00:16:38,872 --> 00:16:39,957
♪ I don't care too much for money ♪
418
00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:40,916
Uh-oh!
419
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:44,211
♪ Money can't buy me love ♪
420
00:16:44,586 --> 00:16:48,465
{\an8}Ow! Today's grass is far sharper
than the grass in my day.
421
00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:49,633
{\an8}BART: Hey, everybody
422
00:16:49,717 --> 00:16:51,593
{\an8}How'd you like to go on a real boat trip?
423
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:53,012
(upbeat chattering)
424
00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:54,221
Hello!
425
00:16:58,892 --> 00:17:01,353
Argh, not a looker among 'em.
426
00:17:01,437 --> 00:17:04,106
Full speed ahead. Damn the torpedoes.
427
00:17:04,898 --> 00:17:07,151
What'd he say? Put on our tuxedos?
428
00:17:07,234 --> 00:17:08,944
I want some taquitos.
429
00:17:09,445 --> 00:17:10,612
HOMER: Welcome to the kitchen
430
00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:13,198
of tomorrow... today!
431
00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:14,491
Marge, how much would you pay
432
00:17:14,575 --> 00:17:16,368
for a self-flipping hamburger pan?
433
00:17:16,452 --> 00:17:17,786
-Nothing.
-Don't answer yet.
434
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,456
Watch how easy it is
to flip hamburgers with the help
435
00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:22,833
of God's greatest creation, the spring!
436
00:17:22,916 --> 00:17:24,126
Now, watch this.
437
00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:29,423
(screaming)
438
00:17:35,554 --> 00:17:36,680
Are you OK?
439
00:17:36,764 --> 00:17:38,307
Some second-degree burns,
440
00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:39,975
but some first-class burgers.
441
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,393
(groans)
442
00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:43,854
I want you to get rid of these springs.
443
00:17:43,937 --> 00:17:46,231
But you haven't seen the baby of tomorrow.
444
00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:47,316
Ta-da!
445
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:50,402
Now if I drop her, no more tears!
446
00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:53,739
(humming "Sweet Georgia Brown")
447
00:17:53,822 --> 00:17:55,199
Give me my baby.
448
00:17:55,282 --> 00:17:56,742
"D" it up, Marge. I'm going to the hole.
449
00:17:56,825 --> 00:17:57,951
(Marge straining)
450
00:18:00,496 --> 00:18:02,873
MARGE: I want these springs
out of our house today.
451
00:18:02,956 --> 00:18:04,500
(toilet flushing)
452
00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:07,711
♪ You flush one down it swirls around ♪
453
00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:11,131
♪ 999 springs to flush down... ♪
454
00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:12,925
You're not flushing those springs
455
00:18:13,008 --> 00:18:14,635
down our toilet, are you?
456
00:18:14,718 --> 00:18:16,470
-HOMER: Of course not.
-(toilet flushing)
457
00:18:16,553 --> 00:18:19,014
(Homer singing)
♪ 996 springs to flush down ♪
458
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,349
♪ 996 springs ♪
459
00:18:20,432 --> 00:18:21,475
(resigned sigh)
460
00:18:22,893 --> 00:18:26,271
('40s dance music playing)
461
00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:29,775
Oh, Abe, you dance divinely.
462
00:18:29,858 --> 00:18:33,028
I haven't felt this relaxed and carefree
463
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:35,864
since I was watch commander
at Pearl Harbor.
464
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:39,910
Aw, geez, this place used to be
crawling with Russian subs.
465
00:18:39,993 --> 00:18:41,120
Now, there's just four.
466
00:18:42,162 --> 00:18:44,039
BART: Ah! Sea Hag!
467
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,374
Bart Simpson!
468
00:18:46,917 --> 00:18:49,253
(pants) Bart, are you crazy?
469
00:18:49,336 --> 00:18:50,921
You've got to get the old folks home
470
00:18:51,004 --> 00:18:52,506
to the old folks' home.
471
00:18:52,589 --> 00:18:53,757
No way.
472
00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:56,009
They're finally having some fun.
473
00:18:56,093 --> 00:18:58,679
How low can I go?
474
00:18:58,762 --> 00:18:59,805
(bone cracking)
475
00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:00,889
That's it.
476
00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:02,599
Gee, Bart, maybe you're right.
477
00:19:02,683 --> 00:19:04,351
-(beeping)
-They don't even seem to care
478
00:19:04,434 --> 00:19:06,228
that it's medication time.
479
00:19:06,311 --> 00:19:07,896
Medication time? Hot dog!
480
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,148
Give me! Give me! Give me!
481
00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:10,732
-I want some pills!
-Blue ones!
482
00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:11,733
(overlapping dialogs)
483
00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:13,026
But I've set you free.
484
00:19:13,485 --> 00:19:15,571
No more nap time, no more bingo.
485
00:19:15,654 --> 00:19:16,738
You can do whatever you want.
486
00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:19,366
Let's play bingo.
487
00:19:19,449 --> 00:19:20,993
Yeah, let's play bingo.
488
00:19:21,076 --> 00:19:22,494
You sunk my battleship.
489
00:19:22,578 --> 00:19:24,705
(laughing)
490
00:19:24,788 --> 00:19:25,873
No.
491
00:19:30,252 --> 00:19:31,253
Now, Smithers,
492
00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:33,964
You say you painted
all your Navy buddies this way?
493
00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:36,216
Until I was discharged, sir.
494
00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:42,181
I don't get it, Grampa.
495
00:19:42,264 --> 00:19:44,141
If you guys like all that boring stuff,
496
00:19:44,224 --> 00:19:45,767
why did you follow me out here?
497
00:19:46,685 --> 00:19:48,395
Got to do something till bingo.
498
00:19:48,478 --> 00:19:51,064
(all gasping and screaming)
499
00:19:53,066 --> 00:19:54,693
How could you miss that huge boat
500
00:19:54,776 --> 00:19:55,944
coming right at us?
501
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:57,905
Oh, two glass eyes.
502
00:19:57,988 --> 00:19:59,031
(clinking)
503
00:20:03,410 --> 00:20:04,578
Oh, it's not fair.
504
00:20:04,661 --> 00:20:06,205
I'm not supposed to die now.
505
00:20:06,288 --> 00:20:08,540
I'm supposed to die
in a foolish motorcycle stunt
506
00:20:08,624 --> 00:20:09,833
at the age of 15.
507
00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:11,543
Ha-ha! You're not dead yet,
508
00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:13,045
you pudgy little pisher.
509
00:20:13,128 --> 00:20:14,630
-Jack LaLanne!
-Jack LaLanne!
510
00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:17,841
Don't worry. I'll save you
The Jack LaLanne Way.
511
00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:21,178
Ah!
512
00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:28,101
(all cheering)
513
00:20:31,772 --> 00:20:33,482
(all shouting)
514
00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:35,734
Uh-oh.
515
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:40,405
-This is all Bart's fault.
-Let's get him.
516
00:20:40,489 --> 00:20:42,157
-I blame him.
-He killed us all.
517
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:43,659
I want some taquitos.
518
00:20:43,742 --> 00:20:45,327
Leave him alone!
519
00:20:45,410 --> 00:20:48,747
Sure, Bart's responsible for our deaths,
520
00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:51,875
but he gave us the most fun
we had in 20 years.
521
00:20:51,959 --> 00:20:55,087
So, before we go to our watery graves,
522
00:20:55,170 --> 00:20:56,088
I think that...
523
00:20:56,171 --> 00:20:58,048
(gurgling sounds)
524
00:20:58,131 --> 00:21:00,634
(all screaming)
525
00:21:02,511 --> 00:21:03,804
(relieved sighing)
526
00:21:03,887 --> 00:21:07,432
(screaming)
527
00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:09,768
(sighing)
528
00:21:09,851 --> 00:21:11,395
(screaming)
529
00:21:11,478 --> 00:21:12,396
(sighing)
530
00:21:12,479 --> 00:21:13,855
What the heck's going on?
531
00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:18,318
HOMER'S VOICE (through pipe):
♪ 135 springs to flush down... ♪
532
00:21:18,402 --> 00:21:20,737
♪ 135 springs ♪
533
00:21:27,703 --> 00:21:30,539
Ah, what a shame.
Not a looker in the bunch.
534
00:21:33,667 --> 00:21:36,878
So, you working tomorrow
at the home, Bart?
535
00:21:36,962 --> 00:21:39,548
Well, I finished my community service.
536
00:21:39,631 --> 00:21:42,342
Oh... right.
537
00:21:42,426 --> 00:21:45,304
But I could swing by after school.
538
00:21:45,387 --> 00:21:46,513
I'll bring the limbo stick.
539
00:21:46,596 --> 00:21:47,597
Hot diggity!
540
00:21:50,267 --> 00:21:52,185
(Grampa humming)
541
00:21:52,269 --> 00:21:53,854
BART: Hey, stop shaking the harness.
542
00:21:53,937 --> 00:21:56,606
GRAMPA: How low can I go?
543
00:21:56,690 --> 00:21:58,150
(water splashing)
544
00:22:00,986 --> 00:22:03,697
♪ Say you don't need no diamond ring ♪
545
00:22:03,780 --> 00:22:06,491
♪ And I'll be satisfied ♪
546
00:22:06,575 --> 00:22:09,244
♪ Tell me that you want
those kind of things ♪
547
00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:12,122
♪ That money just can't buy ♪
548
00:22:12,205 --> 00:22:15,125
♪ I don't care too much for money ♪
549
00:22:15,208 --> 00:22:17,794
♪ Money can't buy me love ♪
550
00:22:17,878 --> 00:22:19,421
(high-pitched scream)
551
00:22:19,504 --> 00:22:22,382
(strumming guitar)
552
00:22:35,604 --> 00:22:38,732
♪ Can't buy me love ♪
553
00:22:38,815 --> 00:22:40,859
♪ Love ♪
554
00:22:40,942 --> 00:22:45,364
♪ Can't buy me love ♪
555
00:22:45,864 --> 00:22:47,616
Captioned by
Visual Data Media Services