(theme music playing)
CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
(theme music playing)
(bell ringing)
(whistle blowing)
(beeping)
(playing the blues)
(tires screeching)
(honking horn)
D'oh! (screams)
(tires screeching)
(screaming)
NARRATOR: Is this the kind of air
we want to leave for our children?
(children coughing)
(grunts)
NARRATOR: Don't they deserve better?
(chewing)
(gulping)
NARRATOR: Electricity, the fuel of the future.
(gasping, murmuring)
NARRATOR: Test-drive the Elec-Taurus today
and get a free gift.
(gasps, sniffs)
My children deserve to see me
get a free gift.
I'm proud of you, Dad.
Buying an electric car will help clean the air up
and protect the earth's supply--
You're faking this to get the gift, aren't you?
But I like the nice things you said about me.
Thinking of saying good-bye to gas?
You betcha. (burps)
Bart! (farts)
Well, that shut me up.
Hello. I, uh, love your planet deeply
and I'm interested in purchasing
one of your electronic autos.
(snickering)
Well, it's always nice to meet people
concerned about the environment.
What kind of mint?
Boy, that quiet engine
sure makes conversation a lot easier.
Yeah, it's got a lot of other problems, too.
Uh, Dad, you're headed for the harbor!
HOMER: Relax. We're in an electric car.
(screaming)
See, everything's fine.
(gasps) Dolphins.
Oopsie.
Hi, girls.
(screaming)
HOMER: Oh...
Saltwater seems to be good for it.
(Bart coughing)
(Homer humming)
Um, I'm sorry,
the car does not meet my eco-concern.
Can I have my prize now?
Certainly.
What the...
CAR COMPUTER: Help! Help! It burns!
Hey, we never opened that envelope
to see what our gift is.
We didn't?
That's odd.
Seems like we would have done that
right after we left the car place.
I know, but we didn't.
Well, here it is.
So we can open it and find out now.
Perfect.
Aw, movie tickets?
It hardly seems worth destroying a car.
They're passes to a test screening
of a new movie starring...
(gasps)
Mel Gibson.
Who else is in it?
Who cares? Mel Gibson.
Mel Gibson is just a guy, Marge.
No different than me or Lenny.
Were you or Lenny ever named sexiest man alive?
Hmm, I'm not certain about Lenny.
Besides, it's not just his chiseled good looks.
People magazine says he's a devoted father,
goes to church every week,
and likes to fix things around the...
-Homer, let's make love. -Uh, okay.
(smooching)
Uh, you're thinking about me, right?
Of course, Homie.
Aren't you thinking about me?
Well, I will now!
Easy, easy, there, buster.
But how did they know?
I had a mouse.
Thank you.
(clearing throat) Good evening.
I'm Edward Christian,
Assistant VP of finance and distribution
at Polystar Pictures.
(applause and cheers)
Dang, I should have brought the camera.
Also with me tonight are the dynamic duo,
William Milo and Robin Hannah
who green-lighted all of Shaquille O'Neal's movies,
including Kazaam!
(all murmuring)
How's the popcorn, guys?
-Needs salt! -Needs salt!
(all laughing)
Anyhoo, welcome to our test screening
of Mel Gibson's directorial follow-up to Braveheart,
a remake of the Jimmy Stewart classic,
Mr. Smith Goes To Washington.
(applause and cheers)
I knew I shouldn't have passed on that.
Now, after the film,
I'll be handing out these cards for your opinion.
We then take your cards
to Hollywood, California.
(all gasping)
...And change the movie based on your suggestions.
Any, uh, questions?
Yes. Over here and thank you.
(clears throat) Hi. Will there be
any Flubber in this movie?
Uh-hi. Glayvin.
(laughs) No, I'm afraid not.
Ah, for cryin' out, Glayvin!
Is Mel Gibson here?
No, sorry, but like all celebrities,
he's in Hollywood attending benefits for various diseases.
(applause and cheers)
-(gasping) -Did they like it?
Well, they haven't seen it yet, Mel.
How'd you get here from LA so fast?
John Travolta flew me in his jet.
Now I have to help him move next weekend.
He deliberately waited
till we were in the air to ask me.
You know, you really didn't have to make this trip, Mel.
The screening is going to go fine. Believe me.
I don't know. I think this movie was a big mistake.
All I do is talk for two hours.
I don't shoot anybody. What was I thinking?
You shouldn't worry about the movie.
William and I both think it's fabulous.
And I think we know a little something
about the movie business.
(chuckles) Oh, Robin. You've got to see
the director's cut of Booty Call.
It's fabulous.
What, even better than the original?
'Cause that was pretty fabulous, too.
...And he fought for them once.
For the only reason any man ever does
because of one plain, simple rule:
Love thy neighbor.
Boring.
It's not boring.
He's passionate about government.
Pft. At least the Jimmy Stewart version
had that giant rabbit who ran the savings and loan.
Shh!
(all murmuring)
Excellent.
That man knows how to filibuster.
Well, that was a stinker.
I liked it.
It was nice to see a movie
where people solve their problems with words
instead of bullets and chasing.
Oh, you're just saying that
because your boyfriend was in it.
I'll bet you would have hated it
if me and Lenny were Mr. Smith.
Will you stop acting so jealous!
Listen, I don't want to get spotted by the crowd,
so I'm going to take a leak behind the dumpster.
(alarm ringing)
(all gasping)
Look! It's Mel Gibson.
Hey, everybody rush over there.
(all screaming)
WIGGUM: Hi, Mel. Hi.
Hi, Mel, Mel.
Hi, everybody.
(all gasp)
Hi, Mr. Gibson.
Thanks for coming, folks.
And don't be afraid to be completely truthful
when you fill out your opinion cards.
Honesty is the foundation of the movie business.
Oh, we'll be honest. (chuckles)
We could never lie to you, Mel. (chuckles)
Um, will you be reading
the cards yourself, Mel?
Well, I'll be reading yours personally.
(sexy growl)
-(panting) -(all gasp)
(all laughing)
(grunts)
That's it. I'm telling Mr. Stupidest man alive
what I really thought of his movie.
-Hey, Gibson! -Uh, yes, sir.
-Got a pencil? -There you go.
Thanks.
(muttering) You waste my time in front of this stupid--
Appreciate it. (grunts)
(muttering)
The movie tested through the roof, Mel.
The sea captain gave it "Four Arrrrs."
Bumblebee man says, "Muy bueno."
And we were worried about the Latino market, huh?
-Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. -Huh? Huh? Huh?
Worried.
Come on, they can't all have loved it.
"Loved it." "Loved it." "Loved it."
"Loved it despite absence of Flubber, Glayvin"?
Oh, here we go. "Your movie
was more boring than church.
All you did was yak, yak, yak.
You didn't even shoot anybody." Damn, I knew it!
Oh, don't do this to yourself, Mel.
The guy's obviously a nut.
Maybe. Or maybe he's the only person
with the guts to tell me the truth.
Turn the plane around.
I want to go to 742 Evergreen Terrace.
But you promised to help me move.
Oh, geez!
(aircraft approaching)
(loud rumbling)
-(doorbell ringing) -Door, Marge.
(growls)
(gasps)
I'm looking for... Homer Simpson.
And I've been looking for you, too, pal.
Pound him, Dad.
Bart, don't.
Quiet. Dad's going to get his butt kicked by Mel Gibson.
Knock his teeth out, Homer!
Listen, Gibson, I'm tired of Hollywood pretty boys
like you and Jack Valenti
thinking you can have any woman you want.
You see this?
It symbolizes that she's my property
and I own her.
Mr. Simpson, I need your help.
Uh?
I think you're right about my movie,
and I want you to help me make it better.
Really? You want my help?
Marge, did you hear that?
Mel Gibson wants my help.
Mel Gibson.
But, Dad, I thought you hated...
Shut up.
Homer doesn't know anything about making movies.
Don't sell your husband short, Mrs. Simpson.
She's always doing that, Mel.
-Oh... -Homer is a brutally honest man.
Completely tactless and insensitive.
(giggles) Guilty as charged.
The problem I have is
people love me so much, they never criticize me.
I speed all the time, but cops never give me a ticket.
If I don't pay my taxes,
the IRS pays them for me.
Oh, you poor thing.
It's hell being Mel.
(horn honking)
Come on. Geez.
I don't have much time, Homer.
Will you come to Hollywood with me?
(sniffs) You had me at "hello."
I didn't say "hello."
MARGE: Hollywood, here we come!
Hollywood, here we are!
LISA: Stop doing that, Mom.
A mini-van.
Oh, boy, you celebrities sure know how to live.
What is this, Toyota Previa?
Dodge Caravan.
(whistles)
Sweet.
Look, they're making a movie!
Robert Downey Jr. is shooting it out
with the police.
I don't see any cameras.
Okay, while Mel and I are working,
why don't you guys do the town?
I hear all the stars eat at a place
called Planet Hollywood.
Can I stay with you, Dad?
Sorry, son, but we're going to be very busy.
Mel's movie really stinks.
Okay, this opening scene
should be in fast motion.
Everybody likes that 'cause it looks funny.
(talking in fast motion) Mr. Smith is coming to Washington.
He's really honest, that could be bad news for us corrupt politicians.
-Well, if he is, big deal. -How do you figure?
If he doesn't play ball, we'll teach him a thing or two if you know what I mean.
-Bye-bye. -See ya.
(laughing) Look at that.
I don't think so.
Okay, here you need a musical montage
where you try on lots of funny hats.
It'll let us see your playful side.
-No. Just no. -Yeah, but...
Uh, for those of you who have always wanted to see
the famous Brown Derby restaurant...
-Oh. -...that's where it used to be.
-Oh. -And on your left,
is the notorious spot where Hugh Grant...
-Hugh? -...filmed the movie
-Nine Months. -Eww!
You want me to replace the villain with a dog?
I mean, nobody will know what's going on.
They will if you set up that the dog is evil.
All you have to do is show him doing this...
(humming sinister tune)
And people will suspect the dog.
Maybe this wasn't a good idea, Homer.
I'm sorry I dragged you out here.
Let me pay your bus fare home.
Uh-uh-uh, now, here's
your biggest problem of all.
The filibuster scene?
That was Jimmy Stewart's favorite.
And it was fine for the 1930s.
The country was doing great back then.
Everyone was into talking.
But now, in whatever year this is,
the audience wants action,
and seats with beverage holders,
but mainly action.
You really think the end is boring?
Oh, Mel, it's the most boring piece of garbage
I've ever seen.
And it's not easy for me to say that.
Hmm, I guess it's a little flat.
Okay, let's reshoot the ending.
I'll call the hair and makeup ladies,
you see if the teamsters will work for free.
Piece of cake.
Now, where's that kid with my latte?
According to the map,
this house is owned
-by the dog from Frasier. -(dog barking)
And that's where Ellen Degeneres and Anne Heche live.
-We're lesbians! -We're lesbians!
(dog barking)
Okay, uh, this new ending...
that we shot last night...
is a little different than what we had,
but I think you'll like it.
It's missing some sound effects,
and the computer guys haven't added the twinkle in my eye.
Mel, you're coming off desperate.
Roll it, Louie!
(movie reel rolling)
HOMER: Here comes two.
Well, I'm not licked.
And I'm going to stay right here
and fight for this lost cause.
Somebody will listen to me.
Somebody will...
(surprised murmurs)
I believe the senator has yielded the floor.
(all laughing)
Yield this, Senator Payne.
(grunts)
(groans)
-(chuckles) -(grunts)
I move we impose some serious term limits.
I second that motion...
with a vengeance.
All in favor, say "die."
(imitating Curly)
(people screaming)
Mr. Smith, this is highly unorthodox.
(people screaming)
I'm the President of the United States
and I demand to know what's going on here.
(grunts)
(screams)
Happy birthday, Mr. President.
(cheering)
Pretty cool, huh?
You, uh, you chopped off
the president's head.
Bet you didn't see that coming.
You impaled a United States Senator
with the American flag.
Why did Mr. Smith kill everybody?
It was symbolism.
He was mad.
But this was going to be the studio's prestige picture
like Howard's End or Sophie's Choice.
Eww, those movies sucked.
I only saw them to get Marge into the sack.
PS: Mission accomplished.
But we've already bought five Golden Globe Awards.
I don't make movies to win awards,
especially now that I have two Oscars.
I make movies for guys like him.
-Yeah, guys like me. -Who are you anyway?
Do the words "executive producer"
mean anything to you?
-Executive producer? -We'll talk.
You've desecrated a classic film.
This is worse than Godfather III.
Whoa. Whoa, hey, whoa,
let's not say things we can't take back.
All right, all right, I'm sorry,
but this film
is never going to see the light of day.
(both gasps)
Look, they're towing away a range rover.
(gasping)
-WOMAN: There's no... -Yoink! Come on, Homer.
We got a movie to premiere.
-HOMER: Woo-hoo! -We've got to get that film back
or we'll all be fired. You know what I mean?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fired. -Huh? Huh? Huh?
-Give us the film! -Never.
TOUR GUIDE: And on your left,
you'll see Rainier Wolfcastle
filming his latest movie, Saving Irene Ryan.
You put me down, you big lummox!
Jed!
Shut up, old lady, and stop kicking me there.
-Watch out! Coming through! -(people yelling)
Move!
Homer! Land mine!
I'm on it.
(both screaming)
Good night, Mr. Gibson.
Night, Gus.
(both screaming)
Oh, I'm getting too old for this crap.
How old are you anyway?
Well, I've been told I can play anywhere from 28 to--
Sorry I asked.
Aw, crap, here they come.
Well, that's it, Homer.
We should have known better than to match wits
with studio executives.
Hey, come on, turn that down-under frown upside down.
We're not finished yet.
Wow, these dummies look pretty good.
Well, I've had a lot of surgery, old chum.
Shh. Mr. Limato said he'd fire us
if you didn't stop bothering the customers.
Homer, what are you doing here?
No time talk. Need steal car.
Must save powerful, but controversial movie. (gasp)
(stammering)
Hello.
Quick, Mel, get in.
(sighs) Forget it, Homer.
Let's just give them the stupid movie.
Movies aren't stupid.
They fill us with romance and hatred
and revenge fantasies.
Lethal Weapon showed us that suicide is funny.
That really wasn't my intention.
Before Lethal Weapon 2, I never thought
there could be a bomb in my toilet.
But now I check every time.
It's true. He does.
Movies mean that much to you, Homer?
They're my only escape
from the drudgery of work and family.
-No offense. -Oh, what the heck.
Let's hit the road.
Shove over, junior.
That thoughtless destruction
will surely bankrupt the museum, old chum.
Shut up.
Mom, you got to take my picture in this car
so I can show Milhouse.
Oh, sorry, honey.
I used up the last roll on that man
I thought was Judge Judy.
Well, I think we lost them.
-(car slamming) -(screams)
Oh, wait. There they are. (grunts)
Let me try something. Take the wheel, Lisa.
-But my dad can-- -I said you.
We've got them now.
(screaming)
Oh, no! We killed Mel Gibson!
You all saw it.
He came at me with a knife, right?
Wait a minute. He's just a dummy.
I know, but he sells tickets.
Let's go.
Oh, great idea, Mel.
Now it's my turn.
-What are you doing? -I'm tired of running away.
Did Braveheart run away?
Did Payback run away?
It's time we showed those suits
what we're made of.
The heck is that?
Well, the one on the left is Mel Gibson.
I don't know who the other two guys are.
Will you please tell me the rest of the plan?
It's your plan from Braveheart.
Your army mooned the enemy
until they could take no more
and surrendered.
No. They didn't. They attacked us
in a horribly bloody battle, remember?
Actually, I didn't see it, but on the poster...
Jump!
(yelling)
Homer, are you okay?
I think so.
No.
MR. SMITH: All in favor, say, "die."
(automatic gunfire)
Ooh, that digital sound
really lets you hear the blood splatter.
I don't get it, Mel.
How can you be so calm and cool?
My stomach's full of vomiting butterflies.
Okay, that's it.
(hums)
Let's get ready to meet our public.
(people grumbling)
Oh, well, that was disgusting.
Worst ending ever.
I think I'm going to be sick.
I'm Jimmy Stewart's granddaughter,
and you'll be hearing from my attorney.
-D'oh. -Ow.
Oh, we should have put in the dog
with the shifty eyes.
Oh!
I'm sorry I ruined your career, Mel.
It's not your fault, Homer.
I guess there's just no room
in today's crazy, gentle America
for violent dinosaurs like us.
How did the country lose its way, Mel?
When did we stop rooting
for the man with the flame thrower
or an acid-spraying gun of some kind?
I blame the internet and the return of swing music.
Well, whatever it is,
we got to get rolling on our next picture.
Hey, what about a prequel or something?
Everybody loves prequels.
-I don't. -(grumbles)
Okay, Mr. Difficult.
How about a teen sex romp
where you and your buddies
are always trying to get some?
No, wait. A ghost who wins the lottery!
You could be the ghost or the lottery commissioner.
Ooh! What about Indiana Jones?
Does anyone own the rights to that?
Ohh!
Hey, Mel, I fell out!
(dog barking)
(theme music playing)
-(murmuring) -Shh!
(gibberish)
Captioned by Visual Data Media Services