1
00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:02,836
(theme music playing)
2
00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:06,715
CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
3
00:00:16,933 --> 00:00:18,852
(bell ringing)
4
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:25,316
(whistle blows)
5
00:00:29,946 --> 00:00:30,905
(beeping)
6
00:00:35,326 --> 00:00:37,620
(playing the blues)
7
00:00:38,246 --> 00:00:40,999
(jazzy solo)
8
00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:48,590
(chimes)
9
00:00:53,094 --> 00:00:54,054
(tires screeching)
10
00:00:58,933 --> 00:00:59,934
(honking horn)
11
00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:05,398
D'oh!
12
00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:06,733
(screaming)
13
00:01:06,816 --> 00:01:07,901
(tires screeching)
14
00:01:11,029 --> 00:01:11,905
(sighs)
15
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,126
(gunfire)
16
00:01:25,210 --> 00:01:26,920
(explosions)
17
00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:31,049
(indistinct shouts)
18
00:01:34,219 --> 00:01:35,053
(groans)
19
00:01:35,136 --> 00:01:38,014
{\an8}Oh, my. War is terrible.
20
00:01:44,020 --> 00:01:44,938
Ahh!
21
00:01:45,021 --> 00:01:47,190
NARRATOR: Buzz cola,
The taste you'll kill for.
22
00:01:47,273 --> 00:01:48,942
Available in "ze" lobby.
23
00:01:49,984 --> 00:01:51,528
{\an8}Do they really think
cheapening the memory
24
00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:53,446
{\an8}of our veterans will sell soda?
25
00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:54,989
{\an8}I have to go to "ze" lobby!
26
00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:57,700
{\an8}I'm sorry,
but we're not supposed to put
27
00:01:57,784 --> 00:01:59,327
{\an8}butter on the milk duds.
28
00:01:59,410 --> 00:02:00,954
{\an8}You're not supposed
to go to the bathroom
29
00:02:01,037 --> 00:02:02,831
{\an8}without washing your hands either.
30
00:02:03,414 --> 00:02:04,415
{\an8}Touché.
31
00:02:06,668 --> 00:02:07,836
{\an8}To the top, please.
32
00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:11,714
Swim, my pretties.
33
00:02:18,555 --> 00:02:20,431
{\an8}(all groan)
34
00:02:20,515 --> 00:02:24,686
{\an8}Sacre Bleu!
"The deadly poke of Zorro!"
35
00:02:28,022 --> 00:02:29,107
What? "N"?
36
00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:30,567
What does "N" stand for?
37
00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:33,945
{\an8}No, no. It's a "Z"
I am Zorro. "Z" for Zorro.
38
00:02:34,028 --> 00:02:36,447
{\an8}I have come to return
King Arthur to the throne.
39
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:39,159
{\an8}It's a history lesson come to life!
40
00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:41,202
{\an8}No, it isn't. It's totally inaccu--
41
00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:42,579
{\an8}Quiet! Here come the ninjas.
42
00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:46,457
{\an8}(men blows landing, grunting)
43
00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:49,794
{\an8}What part of
"stop cutting my dress off"
44
00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,546
{\an8}don't you understand?
45
00:02:51,629 --> 00:02:53,173
(chuckles) "S.P."?
46
00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:54,924
The Scarlet Pimpernel?
47
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:56,801
We're just... uh, friends.
48
00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:58,428
She's lying!
Slice her head off!.
49
00:02:58,511 --> 00:03:00,805
{\an8}Your honor has been insulted!
50
00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:03,266
{\an8}This will not stand!
51
00:03:05,351 --> 00:03:07,896
{\an8}Ooh, you don't want to get Zorro mad.
52
00:03:07,979 --> 00:03:09,898
{\an8}You're pouring hot butter on my leg!
53
00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:10,815
Shh, shh, shh!
54
00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:12,942
(woman singing "Aria")
55
00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:19,824
{\an8}Sir, I demand satisfaction.
56
00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:21,534
{\an8}I challenge you to a duel.
57
00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:23,161
{\an8}(all gasp)
58
00:03:23,244 --> 00:03:24,287
{\an8}(gasps)
59
00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:27,749
{\an8}Do you accept
or are you a coward?
60
00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:30,752
{\an8}I... am a coward!
61
00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:33,546
{\an8}♪(audience cheering)
62
00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,715
Whoo! You go, Zorro!
63
00:03:35,798 --> 00:03:39,886
I, King Arthur, declare Zorro
the new king of England!
64
00:03:39,969 --> 00:03:40,845
Yes!
65
00:03:40,929 --> 00:03:44,224
(cheering)
66
00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:46,726
{\an8}♪ From the "Z"to the "O"
to the double "R"-"O" ♪
67
00:03:46,809 --> 00:03:49,270
♪ He's the dude
in a mask from the Barrio ♪
68
00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:51,606
♪ With his horse and his
mask and his big ol' sword ♪
69
00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:54,234
♪ He'll cut your butt
from a '52 Ford ♪
70
00:03:54,859 --> 00:03:56,611
(chattering)
71
00:03:56,694 --> 00:03:58,363
Oh, move it, Q-tip! Ha!
72
00:03:58,446 --> 00:03:59,364
(groans)
73
00:03:59,447 --> 00:04:01,241
Why that little--
He insulted your honor!
74
00:04:02,992 --> 00:04:05,203
Sir, I demand satisfaction!
(grunts)
75
00:04:05,286 --> 00:04:06,746
Are you crazy, dude?
76
00:04:06,829 --> 00:04:08,873
I challenge you to a duel!
77
00:04:08,957 --> 00:04:10,583
(grunts, chuckles)
78
00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:11,751
The dude is crazy!
79
00:04:11,834 --> 00:04:14,337
Will you duel,
or are you a coward?
80
00:04:14,712 --> 00:04:17,298
Would a coward do this?
81
00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:18,216
Bye!
82
00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:21,469
(cheering)
83
00:04:21,552 --> 00:04:23,805
Mwah! My hero!
84
00:04:25,306 --> 00:04:27,517
{\an8}(grunts)
"H" is for Homer!
85
00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:29,519
Thanks, Homer.
86
00:04:32,438 --> 00:04:34,816
I told you not to drink
all those Frescos
87
00:04:34,899 --> 00:04:35,900
before we got in the car!
88
00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:37,944
Mother, please!
You're embarrassing me.
89
00:04:38,027 --> 00:04:39,487
No, I'm not.
90
00:04:39,570 --> 00:04:41,698
Seymour needs the toilet!
91
00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:44,200
His bladder's full, full of urine!
92
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,368
Yeah, thanks.
93
00:04:45,451 --> 00:04:46,494
It's just past the end of the bar
94
00:04:46,577 --> 00:04:47,704
next to the heavyset guy.
95
00:04:47,787 --> 00:04:49,455
Heavyset?
What's that supposed to mean?
96
00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:50,999
All right, take it easy. Take it easy.
97
00:04:51,082 --> 00:04:53,167
I'm just sayin'.
You ain't no, uh, Tommy Tune.
98
00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:56,296
No Tommy Tune, eh? Oh, that's it!
99
00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:57,297
You insulted my honor!
100
00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:58,464
I did your what now?
101
00:04:58,548 --> 00:05:00,925
-I demand satisfaction!
-(grunts)
102
00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:02,051
I challenge you to a duel!
103
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:03,136
Hey, a duel?
104
00:05:03,219 --> 00:05:05,471
I, eh-- isn't that a little extreme?
105
00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,056
Here, here, have a free beer.
106
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:10,310
Really? But you've never
given anyone a free beer.
107
00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:11,936
Yeah, I ain't never been slapped
108
00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:13,604
with no dueling glove before either.
109
00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:16,941
Wow. A free beer.
110
00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:19,694
And I owe it all to a little glove slap.
111
00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:22,613
♪ Glove slap, baby, glove slap ♪
112
00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:23,656
Hmm!
113
00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:26,868
WOMAN (singing): ♪ A glove slap
to the little ol' face ♪
114
00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:32,957
♪ Will get you satisfaction ♪
115
00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:36,919
♪ Glove slap, baby ♪
116
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:38,963
MAN (singing):
♪ A glove slap, baby ♪
117
00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:41,716
WOMAN (singing):
♪ Glove slap, baby, glove slap ♪
118
00:05:41,799 --> 00:05:44,719
♪ Glove slap, I don't take crap ♪
119
00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:48,181
♪ Glove slap, shut your big yap ♪
120
00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,061
Coming through.
Challenge. Duel. Hi, Lenny.
121
00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:54,854
How dare you?
Demand satisfaction.
122
00:05:54,937 --> 00:05:56,981
COLONEL: Sir, your challenge is accepted.
123
00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:59,400
-Huh?
-I agree to the duel, sir.
124
00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:01,152
I choose pistols at dawn.
125
00:06:01,235 --> 00:06:02,987
Pistols at dawn?
126
00:06:03,321 --> 00:06:05,865
Oh, why did I have to slap
a guy who says "sir"?
127
00:06:05,948 --> 00:06:08,993
You'll need a will
and a headstone. Aisle six.
128
00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:11,496
Aisle six? (groans)
129
00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:15,333
Dueling at dawn?
How did it ever come to this?
130
00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:18,878
The national weather service
says dawn is still scheduled
131
00:06:18,961 --> 00:06:21,255
for 06:20 tomorrow,
and to please stop calling.
132
00:06:21,339 --> 00:06:23,174
Oh, Homer,
I bet that southern colonel
133
00:06:23,257 --> 00:06:24,467
doesn't even show up.
134
00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:26,886
Yeah, he's probably just
a big blowhard like you.
135
00:06:26,969 --> 00:06:28,596
Sir, that is an insult!
136
00:06:28,679 --> 00:06:30,014
I challenge you...
137
00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:31,557
What?
138
00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:35,019
(whimpering)
139
00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:37,313
(yelping, gasping)
140
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:40,024
Oh, honey,
I had the worst nightmare.
141
00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:42,026
This glove kept slapping people
142
00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:43,236
and I was getting blamed.
143
00:06:43,319 --> 00:06:44,862
(Dixie vehicle horn)
144
00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:46,697
COLONEL: Sir! I'll say, sir!
145
00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:47,865
The time has come!
146
00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:53,246
Oh, no!
147
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:04,424
He's out there, isn't he?
148
00:07:04,507 --> 00:07:07,009
I'm afraid so,
and his wife's with him.
149
00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:09,595
(Homer growls)
150
00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:11,347
-Homer!
-Hey, I'm not dead yet!
151
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:12,515
-(knocking)
-(gasping)
152
00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:14,642
Save me, Marge! I saved you!
153
00:07:14,725 --> 00:07:17,061
Why don't you have
the Colonel's wife save you?
154
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:20,356
Oh, Marge, that's in the past.
Just let it go.
155
00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:23,067
Sir! I'll say, sir!
156
00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:24,819
The hour is upon us, sir!
157
00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:28,156
Hello. My husband
will be right with you.
158
00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:29,282
We're just taking this
159
00:07:29,365 --> 00:07:30,783
old Christmas tree to the dump.
160
00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:33,619
Ah, well, now, I wouldn't be
much of a southern gentleman
161
00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:35,621
if I didn't help you carry that tree.
162
00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:37,081
No, no, no, no.
163
00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:39,125
You'll get sap
on your dueling blouse.
164
00:07:39,208 --> 00:07:41,127
Well, at least let me shoot it
165
00:07:41,210 --> 00:07:43,087
into smaller pieces for you, ma'am.
166
00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:44,547
Well, it's worth a try. Don't you--
167
00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:45,715
We're fine, Colonel.
168
00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:47,133
Good day.
169
00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:53,764
It looks like you were saved
by a Christmas tree.
170
00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:57,226
And somebody wanted
to get rid of it in April.
171
00:07:57,810 --> 00:07:59,103
Flanders, you gotta help me.
172
00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:01,522
Is there a southern couple
parked in front of my house?
173
00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:03,691
Ooh, yes, indeedy, Homer.
174
00:08:03,774 --> 00:08:06,402
Looks like they're
settlin' in for a long stay.
175
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:07,487
(chiming)
176
00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:09,113
I was afraid of that.
177
00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:11,365
Well, good-bye,
my gentle neighbor.
178
00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:14,202
You know, I've always wanted
to tell you how much--
179
00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:15,119
(automated female voice)
To continue talking
180
00:08:15,203 --> 00:08:16,078
please deposit 10 cents.
181
00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:16,996
Eh, screw it.
182
00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:19,332
(tires screech)
183
00:08:19,790 --> 00:08:21,375
We can't go back home?
184
00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:22,960
Where are we gonna live?
185
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,587
Ooh!
How 'bout that house?
186
00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:25,755
LISA:
That has people living in it.
187
00:08:25,838 --> 00:08:27,465
You can see them
through the windows.
188
00:08:27,548 --> 00:08:29,133
Lousy showoffs.
189
00:08:29,217 --> 00:08:31,010
{\an8}Look! It's Jimmy Carter!
190
00:08:31,093 --> 00:08:33,054
Could you build us a house,
President Carter?
191
00:08:33,137 --> 00:08:34,847
We can't go back to ours.
192
00:08:34,931 --> 00:08:37,141
I'm sorry.
These are for the truly needy.
193
00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:39,769
Yeah.
Get your own habitat.
194
00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:42,730
Come on, Carter.
Build us a house, you lazy bum!
195
00:08:42,813 --> 00:08:45,149
You have offended me, sir.
I challenge you to--
196
00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:46,192
(screams)
197
00:08:46,275 --> 00:08:47,485
Come back here! Why,
you yellow-bellied--
198
00:08:49,570 --> 00:08:51,405
-(horn honking)
-Come on! Move it!
199
00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:53,991
-Where are we going, Dad?
-How should I know?
200
00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:55,826
Then why are you driving
so fast?
201
00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:57,954
'Cause I'm trying to think!
202
00:08:58,037 --> 00:09:00,498
What would Zorro do?
203
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:04,961
Zorro!
(sobs)
204
00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:07,505
"Rural Route 9"?
205
00:09:07,588 --> 00:09:08,881
That's it!
206
00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:11,050
We can hide out
at the farm where I grew up!
207
00:09:11,133 --> 00:09:12,802
You mean Grampa's old farm?
208
00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:14,262
Yeah. It'll be fun.
209
00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:15,555
Fresh country air
210
00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:18,599
apples for the picking,
sing-along hay rides.
211
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:19,976
BART: What a dump!
212
00:09:22,186 --> 00:09:23,813
Race you to the swimmin' hole!
213
00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:25,273
(laughing)
214
00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:28,109
(gasps)
215
00:09:28,192 --> 00:09:30,236
Come on, Ma! Bring the young-uns!
216
00:09:30,319 --> 00:09:31,696
-There's no leeches!
-(rattling)
217
00:09:31,779 --> 00:09:34,448
Ow, ow, ow!
Lots of snakes though!
218
00:09:34,532 --> 00:09:35,741
(laughing)
219
00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:36,659
Whoo!
220
00:09:44,875 --> 00:09:47,169
Holy Moly! We can't stay here!
221
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:48,754
It's full of raccoons!
222
00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:51,132
Just think of 'em as cats with rabies.
223
00:09:51,215 --> 00:09:53,467
-(purrs)
-Hello, kitty.
224
00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:54,719
Ow!
225
00:09:54,802 --> 00:09:57,555
Oh, yeah, you little scamp!
226
00:09:57,638 --> 00:10:00,224
Are we really gonna
live here and grow crops?
227
00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:02,602
Absolutely.
This is our big chance.
228
00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:04,228
The Simpsons will be reborn
229
00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:06,397
as a bunch of gap-toothed bumpkins!
230
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:07,440
I'll dig an outhouse!
231
00:10:07,523 --> 00:10:08,566
I'll weed the floor!
232
00:10:08,649 --> 00:10:10,484
I'll repress the rage I'm feeling!
233
00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:11,694
That's my girl.
234
00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:13,738
Let the agriculture begin!
235
00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:16,907
All right. Let's see
what the old girl can do.
236
00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:19,160
-(engine starts)
-Mm-hmm.
237
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,413
It doesn't sound very tractor-y.
238
00:10:22,496 --> 00:10:24,498
Hang on... and there.
239
00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:25,666
(clattering, chugging)
240
00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:27,877
(shouting)
Now we're talking!
241
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:28,878
(backfires)
242
00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:29,879
D'oh!
243
00:10:29,962 --> 00:10:30,880
Dad!
244
00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:32,882
-Go get lassie!
-Lassie?
245
00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:34,133
I mean Lisa.
246
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,805
Oh, you poor little sheep!
247
00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:42,058
No one's sheared you for years.
248
00:10:42,141 --> 00:10:43,643
(clippers buzzing)
249
00:10:43,726 --> 00:10:46,896
All right.
Almost done, my little friend.
250
00:10:46,979 --> 00:10:48,981
Soon you'll be a nice, cool...
251
00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:50,441
(screams)
Rat!
252
00:10:50,524 --> 00:10:52,234
(squeaking)
253
00:10:55,154 --> 00:10:56,072
Well, well.
254
00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:57,573
Look at the city slicker
255
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,909
pulling up in his
fancy German car.
256
00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:01,160
This car was made in Guatemala.
257
00:11:01,243 --> 00:11:05,039
Well, pardon us, Mr. Gucci loafers.
258
00:11:05,122 --> 00:11:07,166
I bought these shoes from a hobo.
259
00:11:07,249 --> 00:11:10,044
Well, la-dee-da,
Mr. Park Avenue manicure.
260
00:11:10,127 --> 00:11:12,421
I'm sorry.
I believe in good grooming.
261
00:11:15,549 --> 00:11:17,885
(groans)You're not gonna grow nothin'
on the old Simpson place.
262
00:11:17,968 --> 00:11:19,470
That's why your daddy
abandoned it.
263
00:11:19,553 --> 00:11:20,513
Oh, what do you know?
264
00:11:20,596 --> 00:11:23,182
Well, I know your soil
Ph is up around 9.6
265
00:11:23,265 --> 00:11:24,934
and you need
it seven to eight max.
266
00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:26,352
Oh, that's just superstition!
267
00:11:27,853 --> 00:11:29,689
You watch me.
I'll grow something out there.
268
00:11:29,772 --> 00:11:32,316
Not if you're
plantin' gummy bears.
269
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:33,359
D'oh!
270
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,155
Ah! Wow, Dad!
271
00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:40,116
This is the juiciest
watermelon I ever tasted.
272
00:11:40,199 --> 00:11:42,493
Yeah. I hope I can
grow some like that.
273
00:11:42,576 --> 00:11:43,494
What are you planting?
274
00:11:43,577 --> 00:11:45,371
HOMER: Oh, a little bit of everything.
275
00:11:45,454 --> 00:11:48,708
Something will thrive
in this harsh, merciless soil.
276
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:51,252
And for those
who face nature unafraid...
277
00:11:51,335 --> 00:11:53,504
-It is they who reach...
-(crash)
278
00:11:53,879 --> 00:11:55,256
-I'm down.
-Pa!
279
00:11:55,339 --> 00:11:56,924
Move the hand brake!
280
00:11:57,007 --> 00:11:58,384
(straining)
281
00:11:58,467 --> 00:12:00,302
Ohh, that's heaven.
282
00:12:02,012 --> 00:12:04,890
Oh, it's been a month.
Why won't anything grow?
283
00:12:04,974 --> 00:12:07,268
Maybe it needs more fertilizer.
284
00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:09,270
I'm only one man, Marge.
285
00:12:09,353 --> 00:12:12,231
Well, it's probably
just a bad growing season.
286
00:12:12,314 --> 00:12:14,608
Hot diggety! It's up to her eye!
287
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,902
-Time to harvest, boys!
-ALL: Whoo!
288
00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:18,529
Nice work, Petunia.
289
00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:20,740
-(sniffing)
-'Ere you go.
290
00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:21,907
(growls)
291
00:12:23,075 --> 00:12:25,870
Oh, who am I kidding?
I'm no farmer.
292
00:12:26,203 --> 00:12:28,622
Well, if it isn't Mr. Salad Fork.
293
00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:30,499
You couldn't grow stink on a monkey.
294
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,084
Leave me alone, you big bully.
295
00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:34,795
Oh, I'm just razzin' ya. It's my way.
296
00:12:34,879 --> 00:12:36,589
Here, have an ear on me.
297
00:12:37,631 --> 00:12:38,924
(grunting)
298
00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:41,302
More tumbleweed, Lisa?
299
00:12:41,385 --> 00:12:44,346
(lisping) No, thanks.
I'm still finishing my thistles.
300
00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:46,015
Dad, if we leave for town right now,
301
00:12:46,098 --> 00:12:47,600
we could catch the dinner
special at Krusty Burger.
302
00:12:47,683 --> 00:12:48,517
Sorry, boy.
303
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,895
Going back to Springfield
would be a coward's way out.
304
00:12:50,978 --> 00:12:52,605
Wasn't skipping town
in the first place
305
00:12:52,688 --> 00:12:53,647
a coward's way out?
306
00:12:53,731 --> 00:12:57,610
Oh, you're right! I'm a coward!
(sobs)
307
00:12:58,110 --> 00:13:01,363
I made such a mess of things!
(sobs)
308
00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:04,158
If only there was some magic potion
309
00:13:04,241 --> 00:13:06,118
that would make those crops grow.
310
00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:07,745
Wait a minute.
311
00:13:08,996 --> 00:13:10,539
(ringing)
312
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:11,665
Plutonium?
313
00:13:11,749 --> 00:13:13,793
Gee, Homer, isn't that kind of risky?
314
00:13:14,376 --> 00:13:16,045
Yeah, I guess you're right. It's not.
315
00:13:19,006 --> 00:13:21,050
Hey, Lenny,
sending some outgoing mail?
316
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:22,218
You know it.
317
00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:23,844
I'll probably send some tomorrow.
318
00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:25,221
I hear that.
319
00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:37,817
Easy.
320
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:39,693
Careful.
321
00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:40,778
Steady.
322
00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:46,200
Mmm... Hmm.
323
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:51,497
Time to give mother nature
a little goose.
324
00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:53,040
HOMER: Well, Marge...
325
00:13:53,123 --> 00:13:55,209
have you ever seen
a field glow like that?
326
00:13:55,626 --> 00:13:57,086
It's eerily beautiful.
327
00:13:57,169 --> 00:13:59,004
But are you sure this is safe?
328
00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:01,966
Of course, not!
But you know something?
329
00:14:02,049 --> 00:14:04,260
"Sometimes you have to break the rules
330
00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:05,886
to free your heart."
331
00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:08,305
You got that from a movie poster.
332
00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:10,057
Well, "When there's nothing left
333
00:14:10,140 --> 00:14:12,560
to believe in, believe in hope."
334
00:14:12,643 --> 00:14:13,602
Where'd you get that?
335
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:16,856
From the producers of Waiting to Exhale.
336
00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:19,108
Is that Plutonium on your gums?
337
00:14:19,191 --> 00:14:20,359
Shut up and kiss me.
338
00:14:20,442 --> 00:14:22,653
-Mmmmwah!
-Mmm!
339
00:14:25,656 --> 00:14:27,783
(crowing)
340
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:28,951
Wake up, honey.
341
00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:32,872
It's time to harvest
our radioactive super-crop.
342
00:14:32,955 --> 00:14:34,582
But it's only been one night.
343
00:14:34,665 --> 00:14:36,208
That's all it takes.
344
00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:37,585
If we learned one thing
345
00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:40,254
from The Amazing Colossal Man
and Grasshopper-us,
346
00:14:40,337 --> 00:14:44,508
it's that radiation makes stuff
grow real big real fast.
347
00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:47,803
But didn't Grasshopper-us
kill Chad Everett?
348
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,555
Only 'cause he tried to reason with him.
349
00:14:49,638 --> 00:14:50,556
Oh.
350
00:14:50,639 --> 00:14:52,391
Brace yourselves, everybody.
351
00:14:52,474 --> 00:14:54,935
You're about to see the hugest, juiciest,
352
00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:57,730
possibly super-intelligent vegetables
353
00:14:57,813 --> 00:14:59,148
man has ever known.
354
00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:00,065
You might want to crane
355
00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:02,026
your necks upward now to save time.
356
00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:03,861
Ta-da!
357
00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:08,073
(wind whistling)
358
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:09,325
All right now, don't panic.
359
00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:11,577
It's possible the giant
vegetables are invisible.
360
00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:13,245
(excited gasping)
361
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:18,334
Oh! Where are you?
(yelps)
362
00:15:18,417 --> 00:15:19,710
Oh, honey, give it up.
363
00:15:19,793 --> 00:15:21,253
Oh, you're right.
364
00:15:21,337 --> 00:15:22,630
This farm's hopeless.
365
00:15:22,713 --> 00:15:24,590
Why didn't I listen
to those inbred hicks?
366
00:15:24,673 --> 00:15:27,009
I guess I'll just go
hang myself in the barn.
367
00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:28,010
Homer, no!
368
00:15:28,093 --> 00:15:29,345
Let him go, Mom.
369
00:15:29,428 --> 00:15:30,804
Wait, Dad!
You don't have to kill yourself.
370
00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:31,931
This better be good.
371
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:34,808
Something is growing.
372
00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:36,352
(gasps) A sprout!
373
00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:38,437
And there's some more!
374
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:39,647
What is it? Carrots? Peas?
375
00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:41,065
(gasps)
Maybe it's okra!
376
00:15:41,148 --> 00:15:43,025
Who cares what it is? It's growing.
377
00:15:43,108 --> 00:15:45,527
I've saved the farm! Yeah! Oh!
378
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,413
Look at my babies.
379
00:15:56,497 --> 00:15:59,458
This tomato will be Heinz ketchup.
380
00:15:59,541 --> 00:16:03,087
And this tomato will be Hunt's catsup.
381
00:16:04,755 --> 00:16:06,632
(gags, coughs)
382
00:16:06,715 --> 00:16:08,467
Tastes like cigarette butts!
383
00:16:08,550 --> 00:16:10,094
Hmm. That's odd.
384
00:16:10,177 --> 00:16:11,929
The outside looks like a tomato
385
00:16:12,012 --> 00:16:13,639
but the inside is brown.
386
00:16:13,722 --> 00:16:15,516
Maybe the tomato seeds crossbred
387
00:16:15,599 --> 00:16:17,226
with the tobacco seeds.
388
00:16:17,309 --> 00:16:18,978
Oh, great. I got a field full of mutants.
389
00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:21,397
Gimme! I want more!
390
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:22,606
Mmm!
391
00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:24,316
I thought you said it tasted terrible.
392
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:25,317
It does...
393
00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:27,569
But it's smooth and mild.
394
00:16:29,279 --> 00:16:32,074
And refreshingly addictive.
Mmm, mmm!
395
00:16:32,157 --> 00:16:33,617
Addictive, eh?
396
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,330
"Tomacco"?
That's pretty clever, Dad.
397
00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:41,000
I mean, for a product
that's evil and deadly.
398
00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:42,459
Aw, thanks, honey.
399
00:16:42,543 --> 00:16:45,170
I'm not crazy about
the plutonium or nicotine.
400
00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:48,674
But it is very nice to see
Bart eating his vegetables.
401
00:16:48,757 --> 00:16:50,592
Mmm, mmm.
402
00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:54,263
Excuse me, Mr. Farmer Man.
403
00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:57,641
I promised my son he could
tip over his first cow.
404
00:16:57,725 --> 00:16:59,643
And I... "Tomacco"?
405
00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:03,522
Yes, it's the latest craze.
Try some, won't you?
406
00:17:03,605 --> 00:17:04,732
Go ahead, Ralphie.
407
00:17:04,815 --> 00:17:06,942
The stranger is offering you a treat.
408
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:07,860
Mmm.
409
00:17:08,193 --> 00:17:11,739
Oh, Daddy!
This tastes like Grandma!
410
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:16,702
Holy Moses!
It does taste like Grandma!
411
00:17:16,785 --> 00:17:18,454
-I want more!
-Yeah, me too.
412
00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:20,581
We'll take a bushel or a pack
or just give it to me!
413
00:17:20,664 --> 00:17:23,292
(chuckles)
414
00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:24,334
Yech!
415
00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:25,836
(groans)
416
00:17:25,919 --> 00:17:28,380
{\an8}Can I interest you
in a mincemeat pie?
417
00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:30,049
{\an8}-They're very--
-Does it have Tomacco in it?
418
00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:31,633
{\an8}-No, but I use only the--
-Pass!
419
00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:33,802
-I was here first.
-Come on, come on, people!
420
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:37,056
Don't push. There's plenty
of Tomacco for everyone.
421
00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:38,974
Have your cash
or food stamps ready.
422
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,893
Don't forget your mincemeat pie.
423
00:17:40,976 --> 00:17:42,853
You're scaring the customers, honey.
424
00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:47,983
Hello, folks.
425
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:50,110
Would you and your family
like to take a ride with us?
426
00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:51,028
OK.
427
00:17:52,446 --> 00:17:53,781
Meet the Laramie cigarette team.
428
00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:56,909
This is Mindy, J.P. and Emil.
429
00:17:56,992 --> 00:17:59,369
Homer, we're in a bit of a pickle.
430
00:17:59,453 --> 00:18:01,789
Kids are crazy about tobacco
431
00:18:01,872 --> 00:18:03,665
but the politicians
won't let us sell it to them.
432
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:06,001
-Those dirty, rotten--
-Tell me about it.
433
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:09,004
But there's no law against
selling kids Tomacco.
434
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:11,006
That little "M" is worth
a lot of money to us
435
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:11,924
and to you.
436
00:18:12,007 --> 00:18:13,008
How much?
437
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,301
Well, let's say a hundred...
438
00:18:14,384 --> 00:18:15,636
-and 50...
-(gasps)
439
00:18:15,719 --> 00:18:16,553
...million dollars.
440
00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:18,806
One hundred and...
441
00:18:18,889 --> 00:18:20,224
May I speak to my
family for a moment?
442
00:18:20,307 --> 00:18:21,308
{\an8}(lock clicks)
443
00:18:22,142 --> 00:18:24,770
Did you see the way
Emil's looking at Mindy?
444
00:18:24,853 --> 00:18:26,939
Hoo-hoo! I think
something's going on there.
445
00:18:27,022 --> 00:18:30,150
Shouldn't we be talking about
the $150 million offer?
446
00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:31,401
Oh, yeah. Let's take it.
447
00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:33,112
Dad, it's a tobacco company!
448
00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:34,655
They make billions off the suffering
449
00:18:34,738 --> 00:18:35,739
and deaths of others.
450
00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:36,907
She's right, Dad.
451
00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:38,659
-They can afford a lot more.
-No!
452
00:18:38,742 --> 00:18:41,411
I'm with Lisa.
Let's take 'em to the cleaners.
453
00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:44,331
We all agree that 150 million
is an insult.
454
00:18:44,748 --> 00:18:47,376
The least we can accept
is 150 billion!
455
00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:48,335
(tires screehing)
456
00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:53,423
They'll be back.
457
00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:56,051
We control the world's
supply of Tomacco
458
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:57,636
and no one can
take that away from...
459
00:18:57,719 --> 00:18:58,679
(shrieks)
460
00:18:58,762 --> 00:18:59,805
(animals lowing, bleating)
461
00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:01,056
Stop eating our future!
462
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:04,560
Get the... get outta...
bad animals! Go home!
463
00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:06,103
Thank God. There's one left.
464
00:19:06,186 --> 00:19:07,563
(grunting) You...
465
00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:11,108
-(grunting)
-(lowing)
466
00:19:11,191 --> 00:19:13,110
-Look! A flying saucer!
-Hmm?
467
00:19:13,193 --> 00:19:14,153
(laughing)
468
00:19:14,236 --> 00:19:15,154
Hmm.
469
00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:18,824
There, there.
We had quite a scare today.
470
00:19:18,907 --> 00:19:21,034
But you're gonna make us millions.
471
00:19:21,118 --> 00:19:22,202
Yes, you are!
472
00:19:22,286 --> 00:19:24,955
You're about to launch
a terrible evil on the world!
473
00:19:25,038 --> 00:19:26,498
You've gotta destroy this plant!
474
00:19:26,582 --> 00:19:27,708
I know, honey.
475
00:19:27,791 --> 00:19:30,335
But what can I do as an individual?
476
00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:31,753
I wouldn't know where to begin.
477
00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:34,339
Just burn that plant right now
and end this madness!
478
00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:36,633
I wish I could make a difference, Lisa.
479
00:19:36,717 --> 00:19:37,843
But I'm just one man!
480
00:19:37,926 --> 00:19:40,512
-(groans)
-I agree. But how?
481
00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:41,763
(screams)
482
00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:43,807
(bleating)
483
00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:45,350
(bleating)
484
00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:46,268
(neighing)
485
00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:47,603
They're after the Tomacco!
486
00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:55,068
Now you can't tell me
Nicotine's not addictive!
487
00:19:55,152 --> 00:19:57,196
Lisa, there's absolutely
no evidence--
488
00:19:57,279 --> 00:19:58,238
(lowing)
489
00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:01,783
Tomacco!
490
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:03,994
(yelping)
491
00:20:04,661 --> 00:20:06,622
(trumpeting)
492
00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:08,415
(all screaming)
493
00:20:08,498 --> 00:20:10,167
Give them the plant, Homer!
494
00:20:10,250 --> 00:20:12,377
No. I'd rather die!
495
00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:14,588
-(screeches)
-Aah! Take it!
496
00:20:19,259 --> 00:20:21,678
Well, what a lovely gift. Gotta run.
497
00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:23,555
So, Mindy...
498
00:20:23,639 --> 00:20:26,099
How did you want to pay me
the 150 million?
499
00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:29,102
Cash'll be OK. Or stock!
500
00:20:29,186 --> 00:20:30,812
Does your company have stock?
501
00:20:31,438 --> 00:20:32,773
Mindy!
502
00:20:32,856 --> 00:20:34,024
Mindy and I are just hammering out
503
00:20:34,107 --> 00:20:35,317
a payment plan.
504
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,527
We'll talk Monday!
505
00:20:37,611 --> 00:20:41,156
Hey, props to Mindy
on the grab! Boo-ya!
506
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,784
Guys, we seem to be carrying
a little extra weight.
507
00:20:43,867 --> 00:20:47,371
(chuckles) Don't look at me.
I'm on sugar busters.
508
00:20:47,454 --> 00:20:48,330
(snarling)
509
00:20:48,413 --> 00:20:49,915
(passengers screaming)
510
00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:53,502
(bleating)
511
00:20:55,545 --> 00:20:58,006
I've never been so glad to be home.
512
00:20:58,090 --> 00:21:00,676
I don't know why we ever
left in the first place.
513
00:21:01,134 --> 00:21:01,969
D'oh!
514
00:21:02,052 --> 00:21:04,179
COLONEL: Five, six, seven...
515
00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:05,180
(whimpering)
516
00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:06,306
Eight... I say, eight...
517
00:21:07,140 --> 00:21:10,811
Nine and 10.
(sniffing)
518
00:21:10,894 --> 00:21:13,230
What is that intoxicatin' aroma?
519
00:21:13,313 --> 00:21:16,525
Could that be... I say,
could that be mincemeat pie?
520
00:21:16,608 --> 00:21:17,859
It certainly is.
521
00:21:17,943 --> 00:21:20,487
Why don't you put down
your gun and have a slice?
522
00:21:20,570 --> 00:21:22,281
Ah, don't mind if I do.
523
00:21:22,364 --> 00:21:23,282
HOMER: Hey!
524
00:21:23,365 --> 00:21:24,825
Are we duelin'or what?
525
00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:26,743
Oh, where are my manners?
526
00:21:26,827 --> 00:21:28,453
(screaming)
527
00:21:30,330 --> 00:21:31,790
You OK, Dad?
528
00:21:31,873 --> 00:21:32,874
I think so.
529
00:21:33,333 --> 00:21:34,751
The bone stopped the bullet.
530
00:21:34,835 --> 00:21:36,920
Dad, this might be
one of those things
531
00:21:37,004 --> 00:21:38,130
you should go to the hospital for.
532
00:21:38,213 --> 00:21:39,298
After pie.
533
00:21:44,761 --> 00:21:48,223
WOMAN (singing): ♪ Glove slap
shut your big yap ♪
534
00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:51,435
♪ Glove slap baby, glove slap ♪
535
00:21:51,518 --> 00:21:55,188
MAN (singing): ♪ Ooh, glove baby
that's where it's at ♪
536
00:21:55,272 --> 00:21:57,524
♪ Yeah glove, baby ♪
537
00:21:57,607 --> 00:21:58,775
♪ Give it a slap ♪
538
00:22:06,158 --> 00:22:09,870
WOMAN (singing): ♪ Glove slap
I don't take crap ♪
539
00:22:09,953 --> 00:22:12,998
♪ Glove slap
shut your big yap ♪
540
00:22:13,081 --> 00:22:16,668
♪ A glove slap
to the little ol' face ♪
541
00:22:16,752 --> 00:22:18,754
♪ Will get you ♪
542
00:22:18,837 --> 00:22:22,424
♪ Satisfaction ♪
543
00:22:22,507 --> 00:22:25,135
♪ Glove slap, baby ♪
544
00:22:25,635 --> 00:22:26,470
Shh!
545
00:22:29,598 --> 00:22:31,600
{\an8}Captioned by
Visual Data Media Services