1 00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:06,131 CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:19,060 (bell ringing) 3 00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:25,233 (whistle blows) 4 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:31,364 {\an8}(beeping) 5 00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:38,872 (playing the blues) 6 00:00:47,922 --> 00:00:48,923 (tinkles) 7 00:00:58,850 --> 00:00:59,851 (honking horn) 8 00:01:00,935 --> 00:01:02,562 (tires screeching) 9 00:01:04,272 --> 00:01:06,024 D'oh! (screams) 10 00:01:06,107 --> 00:01:07,192 (tires screeching) 11 00:01:27,337 --> 00:01:29,839 {\an8}Hello! I'm Kent Brockman. 12 00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:31,299 {\an8}(polite applause) 13 00:01:31,382 --> 00:01:34,385 {\an8}And I'm teen sensation, Britney Spears. 14 00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:35,637 {\an8}(wild cheering) 15 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:37,097 {\an8}And I'm Kent Brockman. 16 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:41,518 {\an8}With Britney Spears! 17 00:01:43,311 --> 00:01:44,729 {\an8}And we're here to present the... 18 00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:46,397 {\an8}-...sixty-fifth... -...Annual... 19 00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:47,524 {\an8}-...Spring... -...Field... 20 00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:49,150 {\an8}-...Pride A- -wards. 21 00:01:50,902 --> 00:01:52,570 {\an8}Tonight, we'll be recognizing 22 00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:53,822 {\an8}outstanding members 23 00:01:53,905 --> 00:01:54,906 {\an8}-of... -The... 24 00:01:54,989 --> 00:01:56,032 {\an8}Springfield community! 25 00:01:57,659 --> 00:01:59,119 {\an8}This is my year, Marge. 26 00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:01,454 Everyone knows I'm what makes this city great! 27 00:02:01,538 --> 00:02:03,164 {\an8}I don't know. There's a lot of buzz 28 00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:04,249 {\an8}around Lenny. 29 00:02:05,917 --> 00:02:08,294 {\an8}Our first Springfield Pride Award 30 00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:10,463 {\an8}goes to a local legend. 31 00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:13,049 {\an8}A man who brings laughter and joy 32 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,759 {\an8}to the children of Springfield. 33 00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:17,512 {\an8}With his big red nose and baggy pants... 34 00:02:17,595 --> 00:02:19,430 {\an8}-BROCKMAN: Krusty the Clown! -Hey, hey! 35 00:02:19,514 --> 00:02:20,849 {\an8}-(applause) -What? 36 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,518 {\an8}-Who are you? -Seat filler. 37 00:02:23,601 --> 00:02:24,686 {\an8}Aw... 38 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,989 {\an8}Everyone gets an award, but me. 39 00:02:36,072 --> 00:02:39,450 {\an8}I can't help it if I donated the most blood. 40 00:02:39,534 --> 00:02:43,621 {\an8}Oh, I'm feeling kind of woozy. (groans) 41 00:02:46,958 --> 00:02:49,669 {\an8}Oh, why won't anyone give me an award? 42 00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:51,045 {\an8}You won a Grammy. 43 00:02:51,129 --> 00:02:53,089 {\an8}I mean an award that's worth winning. 44 00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:07,312 {\an8}You know, Kent, in today's youth-obsessed culture, 45 00:03:07,395 --> 00:03:10,106 {\an8}we sometimes forget that older people are still alive. 46 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,733 {\an8}I told ya! 47 00:03:11,816 --> 00:03:13,151 {\an8}Well, sorry ! 48 00:03:14,819 --> 00:03:17,030 {\an8}And that's why our final award honors a man 49 00:03:17,113 --> 00:03:21,284 {\an8}who's lived in Springfield for 108 years. 50 00:03:21,367 --> 00:03:22,869 {\an8}Our oldest resident, 51 00:03:22,952 --> 00:03:25,580 -Cornelius Chapman! -(applause) 52 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:28,166 SPEARS: Cornelius Chapman built the first log cabin 53 00:03:28,249 --> 00:03:29,375 in Springfield 54 00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:30,835 and introduced the toothbrush 55 00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:33,880 -to our fair city. -(people exclaiming) 56 00:03:35,423 --> 00:03:36,883 BROCKMAN: For years, he was Springfield's 57 00:03:36,966 --> 00:03:38,301 only basketball player, 58 00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:39,761 but he still managed 59 00:03:39,844 --> 00:03:41,971 -to entertain the crowd. -(cheering) 60 00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:44,140 SPEARS: In the market crash of 1929, 61 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:47,018 he helped people jump out of windows to avoid disgrace. 62 00:03:47,101 --> 00:03:48,394 You're doing the right thing. 63 00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:49,562 Oh-oh, out you go! 64 00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:50,855 -Oh! -(chuckling) 65 00:03:50,939 --> 00:03:52,315 My! You're a big one! 66 00:03:52,398 --> 00:03:54,108 No-no. No turning back now. 67 00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:56,736 Off a tall building! That's a great way to do it! 68 00:03:56,819 --> 00:03:59,447 And in 1935, our honoree 69 00:03:59,530 --> 00:04:01,491 took a bullet for Huey Long. 70 00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:02,951 (groans) 71 00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:05,245 -No! -(groans) 72 00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:08,331 And now, Springfield's oldest citizen... 73 00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:10,208 He is, like, totally venerable. 74 00:04:10,291 --> 00:04:12,418 -Cornelius Chapman! -(applause) 75 00:04:13,836 --> 00:04:16,339 -Mwah! -(gagging) 76 00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:17,757 (all gasp) 77 00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,092 Well, guess we should've 78 00:04:19,175 --> 00:04:20,426 expected that. 79 00:04:23,179 --> 00:04:24,931 Well, this award has to go to somebody. 80 00:04:25,014 --> 00:04:28,768 Would everyone, who is 60 or older, please stand up? 81 00:04:30,478 --> 00:04:31,896 Over 80? 82 00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:34,315 Ninety? 83 00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:37,318 One hundred years old? 84 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:40,738 Homer, sit down! 85 00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:43,366 -What's that, sonny? -(growling) 86 00:04:43,449 --> 00:04:46,744 (cheering) 87 00:04:48,413 --> 00:04:50,915 Well, this is all so sudden. 88 00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:52,875 Ah! Don't give me that kiss of death, 89 00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:53,960 you black widow! 90 00:04:55,169 --> 00:04:57,880 Argh! Ah! Boy, he didn't want to let go of that! 91 00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:03,845 OK, let's see. I don't have a speech prepared, 92 00:05:03,928 --> 00:05:04,887 but, uh... 93 00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:06,306 Abracadaver! 94 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,058 "Thank you all so much. 95 00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:11,227 I love Springfield 96 00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,813 from the cuddliest infant to the... 97 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,066 (whispering) puppies, patriotism... 98 00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,151 bluebirds." 99 00:05:19,235 --> 00:05:20,903 I'm not reading this drivel. 100 00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:21,904 This speech is over. 101 00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:23,156 (sparse applause) 102 00:05:25,908 --> 00:05:27,452 (grunting) 103 00:05:27,535 --> 00:05:30,955 Well, that was a great night for us all! 104 00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:32,206 That's not an award. 105 00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:34,083 That's part of the set. 106 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:36,711 Nothing you can say will diminish this honor. 107 00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:38,713 (grunting) 108 00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:42,884 (sighs) Now that I'm 109 00:05:42,967 --> 00:05:45,553 the town's oldest man, I'm starting to realize 110 00:05:45,636 --> 00:05:47,472 I'm not a young man anymore! 111 00:05:47,555 --> 00:05:50,016 I'll have to start taking better care of myself. 112 00:05:50,099 --> 00:05:52,185 You know, I haven't had a medicine-o checkup in ages. 113 00:05:52,268 --> 00:05:54,687 Sir, you deserve the finest doctors in the world. 114 00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:56,939 I'm taking you to the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota. 115 00:05:57,023 --> 00:06:00,526 Very well, but I'll need someone to watch my house. 116 00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:03,863 Who's that fella who always screws up and creates havoc? 117 00:06:03,946 --> 00:06:04,989 Homer Simpson, sir? 118 00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:07,950 Yes! The way I figure it, 119 00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:09,952 he's due for a good performance. 120 00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:11,037 (groaning) 121 00:06:12,997 --> 00:06:17,377 Now, if the house catches fire, I want you to call this number. 122 00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,295 Uh-huh. The fire department. 123 00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,297 Yes. They're new, but they're good. 124 00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:22,632 Sir, we should get going. 125 00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:26,302 Don't worry about a thing. 126 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:29,222 We'll take good care of your house. 127 00:06:29,764 --> 00:06:30,848 HOMER: Look at me! 128 00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:32,725 I'm a billionaire! 129 00:06:33,976 --> 00:06:35,603 (yelling) 130 00:06:36,854 --> 00:06:38,022 I forgot my... 131 00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:39,732 (chuckling) 132 00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:45,029 Good Lord! 133 00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:47,657 This bedroom is as big as our house. 134 00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:49,909 And the bed never needs to be made. 135 00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:50,993 Check it out. 136 00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:55,540 (chuckling and gasping) 137 00:06:55,623 --> 00:06:57,625 Hmm. Seems a little wasteful. 138 00:06:57,708 --> 00:06:59,836 Wasteful and practical. 139 00:07:00,878 --> 00:07:02,839 A mechanical dressing dealy. 140 00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:04,006 Watch this, Marge. 141 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:05,383 (gears grinding) 142 00:07:05,466 --> 00:07:08,469 Oh! Oh! Ow! Oh, no! Oh! 143 00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:09,554 (bell dings) 144 00:07:10,012 --> 00:07:11,889 Now I'm ready to hit the town. 145 00:07:16,394 --> 00:07:17,478 Hmm. 146 00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:27,321 (chuckles) 147 00:07:30,366 --> 00:07:31,451 (tumblers click) 148 00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:33,870 -Close that door. -(Bart screams) 149 00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:38,416 Wow! He's got every Nancy Drew. 150 00:07:38,499 --> 00:07:40,626 Even the controversial Clue In The Clock. 151 00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:44,338 Tsk-tsk-tsk, so many swears. 152 00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:47,300 (panting) 153 00:07:47,383 --> 00:07:48,676 I'm Al Unser Jr.! 154 00:07:48,759 --> 00:07:50,970 -I'm Princess Margaret! -(horse neighing) 155 00:07:51,053 --> 00:07:52,680 I'm drunk! 156 00:07:52,763 --> 00:07:54,098 (groaning) 157 00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:02,148 It's nothing serious. Just lay off the chili 158 00:08:02,231 --> 00:08:04,567 -and you should be fine. -(laughing) 159 00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:08,196 Don't you laugh, Fidel. I've been in the car with you. 160 00:08:08,529 --> 00:08:10,364 Let's see. Social security number: 161 00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:12,700 Naught-naught-naught... Naught-naught... 162 00:08:12,783 --> 00:08:15,244 Naught-naught-naught-two. 163 00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:16,913 (whispers) Damn Roosevelt! 164 00:08:16,996 --> 00:08:20,500 Cause of parents' death, got in my way. 165 00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:28,090 Mom, Bart's making faces at me! 166 00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:33,679 -I think. -Look how loud I have to yell! 167 00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:37,391 This all seems a little elaborate for sloppy joes. 168 00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:40,561 Hmm. I know what the other 11 forks are for, 169 00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:42,396 but what do you do with this one? 170 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:43,981 Why, Marge, I believe 171 00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:46,067 you're supposed to scratch your ass with it. 172 00:08:46,150 --> 00:08:47,443 Homer, watch your lang-- 173 00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:51,197 Oh! That's a lifesaver! 174 00:08:53,741 --> 00:08:56,327 Man, this is living! 175 00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:00,873 Hmm. Stop that! 176 00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:04,168 Cigars are for rich people and legendary comedians, 177 00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:06,754 like Bill Crosby and David Letterson. 178 00:09:06,837 --> 00:09:08,965 (humming) 179 00:09:09,048 --> 00:09:10,550 Oops! Forgot to swirl it. 180 00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:16,305 Homer, did you jimmy open Mr. Burns's liquor cabinet? 181 00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,975 "Jimmy" is such an ugly word, Marge, 182 00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,227 Unless you're talking about Jimmy Smits. 183 00:09:21,310 --> 00:09:22,603 (sexy growl) 184 00:09:22,687 --> 00:09:24,939 But house-sitting is a sacred... Hey! 185 00:09:25,022 --> 00:09:26,774 MARGE: Stop swirling, Homer. 186 00:09:26,857 --> 00:09:30,444 Listen, I worked long and hard for this place, 187 00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:32,530 and no one's going to take it away from me. 188 00:09:32,613 --> 00:09:34,532 Not you, not its rightful owner, 189 00:09:34,615 --> 00:09:35,908 not anybody. 190 00:09:37,743 --> 00:09:39,870 And another thing, if I ev-- 191 00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:45,585 Operator, get me Thailand. 192 00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:49,088 T-I... And so on. 193 00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:53,134 Homer, who are you calling? 194 00:09:53,217 --> 00:09:55,803 Everybody. I found Burnsy's address book. 195 00:09:55,886 --> 00:09:58,180 I called the New York Yankees and told them to bunt. 196 00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:00,141 And then I called the Queen of England and asked her 197 00:10:00,224 --> 00:10:01,851 how it was going. And then, I-- 198 00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:04,270 Well, don't run up Mr. Burns' phone bill. 199 00:10:04,353 --> 00:10:06,814 Just a second, Marge. Hello, Thailand? 200 00:10:06,897 --> 00:10:08,399 How's everything on your end? 201 00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:12,445 Uh-huh. That's some language you got there. 202 00:10:12,528 --> 00:10:16,198 And you talk like that 24/7, huh? Hey! 203 00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:19,243 Homer, you've got to stop pretending this is your house. 204 00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:21,454 You're not a billionaire. 205 00:10:21,537 --> 00:10:24,081 Geez, way to burst my bubble, Marge. 206 00:10:24,165 --> 00:10:26,917 All I'm saying is don't get too comfortable. 207 00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:29,003 Mr. Burns will be back tomorrow. 208 00:10:29,086 --> 00:10:30,630 Marge, you're right. 209 00:10:30,713 --> 00:10:32,298 We do have to have a party. 210 00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:35,718 Party? No. No parties. 211 00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:37,553 What about "partays"? 212 00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,347 No partays, no shindigs, 213 00:10:39,430 --> 00:10:40,765 no keggers, no hootenannies, 214 00:10:40,848 --> 00:10:41,932 no mixers, no raves, 215 00:10:42,016 --> 00:10:44,143 -no box socials. -Damn! 216 00:10:44,685 --> 00:10:46,228 And I looked so good on that bike. 217 00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:51,817 Now, doctor, I want you to test me 218 00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:55,071 for everything... Every disease on this chart. 219 00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:58,616 Fine. We'll just start by drawing some blood. 220 00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:01,827 Well, isn't that odd? It's like poking 221 00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:04,497 -through meringue. -Oh, try this arm. 222 00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:06,415 I saw some blood in there the other day. 223 00:11:10,002 --> 00:11:12,046 Come on, keep blowing. 224 00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:17,760 OK, 12 centimeters. Excellent! 225 00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:20,471 I'm a big boy! 226 00:11:20,554 --> 00:11:23,891 (machine whirring) 227 00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:31,065 -There's your problem. -(growls) 228 00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:36,696 (snarls) 229 00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:38,614 (Moe humming) 230 00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,950 Having a party, Moe. I'll need four kegs 231 00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:44,036 of your finest imported-sounding beer. 232 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:47,456 How about Tuborg, the beer of Danish kings? 233 00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:50,167 Mm! Danish. 234 00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:52,586 Now, you know I can't sell you no beer till 2:00 p.m. 235 00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:53,879 on account of it's Sunday. 236 00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:56,132 Huh? If you can't sell beer, 237 00:11:56,215 --> 00:11:57,925 what are Lenny and Carl doing here? 238 00:11:58,008 --> 00:12:00,886 Huh? Oh, we're just watching the sun move across the sky. 239 00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:03,639 {\an8}When it gets to here, we can drink again. 240 00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:05,558 But I need that beer now. 241 00:12:05,641 --> 00:12:07,226 Sorry, 2:00 p.m. 242 00:12:07,685 --> 00:12:08,936 Or you can steal a boat 243 00:12:09,019 --> 00:12:10,730 and sail out to international waters. 244 00:12:10,813 --> 00:12:12,481 {\an8}-Huh! -What's that, a theme park? 245 00:12:13,190 --> 00:12:14,316 No. The ocean. 246 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,735 Once you get 12 miles out, 247 00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:17,695 there's no laws. That's where they held 248 00:12:17,778 --> 00:12:19,363 the Tyson-Secretariat fight. 249 00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:21,782 HOMER: He-he. They were so drunk. 250 00:12:22,199 --> 00:12:24,493 Gentlemen, get off your knees. 251 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,078 Your rich uncle, Homer, 252 00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:28,664 is throwing the wildest Box Social 253 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:31,375 the high seas have ever seen! 254 00:12:34,295 --> 00:12:35,296 And you're invited. 255 00:12:35,379 --> 00:12:36,756 Yeah! All right! 256 00:12:37,673 --> 00:12:39,425 (yelling) 257 00:12:39,508 --> 00:12:41,260 Oh, no, you don't. 258 00:12:41,343 --> 00:12:44,263 I'm not going to let you trash Mr. Burns' yacht. 259 00:12:44,346 --> 00:12:47,099 Marge, you know I normally listen to you, 260 00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:49,727 but I got to seize this opportunity... 261 00:12:49,810 --> 00:12:52,605 Just in case I never become a real billionaire. 262 00:12:52,688 --> 00:12:57,067 Oh, Homie, I don't care if you're a billionaire. 263 00:12:57,151 --> 00:12:59,236 -I love you because... -Hey, there's another way 264 00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:00,863 -to get on the boat! -Whoo-hoo! 265 00:13:00,946 --> 00:13:02,865 (laughing) 266 00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:07,536 Propellers... spinning! 267 00:13:08,078 --> 00:13:09,914 Turn... left! 268 00:13:09,997 --> 00:13:11,665 Boat go... there! 269 00:13:11,749 --> 00:13:13,417 (all cheering) 270 00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:16,253 {\an8}Don't worry, Mom. I'm sure he'll be OK. 271 00:13:16,337 --> 00:13:18,881 The boat's going sideways. 272 00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:20,925 -HOMER: Chips ahoy! -(all cheering) 273 00:13:21,008 --> 00:13:24,845 Well done, Mr. Lenny! Well done. 274 00:13:29,225 --> 00:13:31,143 Homer, have we hit international waters yet? 275 00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:33,187 Because, uh, things are getting real ugly. 276 00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:36,857 I can't sell you beer till we cross the line! 277 00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:39,235 Legally, you could give us free beer. 278 00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:42,071 Ow! 279 00:13:42,738 --> 00:13:44,114 Could you give us rubbing alcohol 280 00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:45,199 for our wounds? 281 00:13:46,283 --> 00:13:48,702 Hey. Ha-ha-ha. Sucker! 282 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:51,121 Ow! 283 00:13:56,293 --> 00:13:57,378 We made it, son! 284 00:13:57,461 --> 00:13:58,963 International waters, 285 00:13:59,046 --> 00:14:01,090 the land that law forgot. 286 00:14:01,715 --> 00:14:02,967 -(music playing) -(laughing) 287 00:14:03,050 --> 00:14:04,051 Yee-haw! 288 00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:08,806 Yahoo! 289 00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:10,182 (bull bellows) 290 00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:13,727 Wow, you can do anything out here! 291 00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:14,979 That's right. 292 00:14:15,062 --> 00:14:16,313 See that ship over there? 293 00:14:16,397 --> 00:14:17,773 They're rebroadcasting 294 00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:19,567 major league baseball with implied 295 00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:22,987 oral consent. Not expressed written consent. 296 00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:25,030 Or so the legend goes. 297 00:14:26,574 --> 00:14:28,492 Darr... I now pronounce ya... 298 00:14:28,576 --> 00:14:30,077 man and cow. 299 00:14:31,579 --> 00:14:32,580 (glass breaking) 300 00:14:32,663 --> 00:14:33,581 Please accept these 301 00:14:33,664 --> 00:14:34,874 illegal fireworks 302 00:14:34,957 --> 00:14:36,250 with my blessing. 303 00:14:36,333 --> 00:14:37,376 (chuckling) Yarr... 304 00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:43,632 There are no laws. 305 00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:46,552 We can do anything we want. Anything. 306 00:14:46,635 --> 00:14:48,804 Ow! Ow! 307 00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,764 Oh, real mature, Lenny. 308 00:14:51,974 --> 00:14:54,643 Well, doc, I think I did pretty well on my tests. 309 00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:56,937 You may shake my hand if you like. 310 00:14:57,021 --> 00:14:59,064 Well, under the circumstances, I'd rather not. 311 00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:01,150 -Eh? -Mr. Burns I'm afraid 312 00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:03,444 you are the sickest man in the United States. 313 00:15:03,527 --> 00:15:04,778 You have everything. 314 00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:06,363 -You mean I have pneumonia? -Yes. 315 00:15:06,447 --> 00:15:07,948 {\an8}-Juvenile diabetes? -Yes. 316 00:15:08,032 --> 00:15:10,576 {\an8}-Hysterical pregnancy? -A little bit, yes. 317 00:15:10,659 --> 00:15:12,036 You also have several diseases 318 00:15:12,119 --> 00:15:14,163 that have just been discovered... in you. 319 00:15:14,246 --> 00:15:16,206 I see. You sure you just haven't made 320 00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:17,458 thousands of mistakes? 321 00:15:17,541 --> 00:15:19,418 Uh, no. No, I'm afraid not. 322 00:15:19,501 --> 00:15:22,046 {\an8}-This sounds like bad news. -Well, you'd think so, 323 00:15:22,129 --> 00:15:24,882 but all of your diseases are in perfect balance. 324 00:15:24,965 --> 00:15:26,759 I-If you have a moment, I can explain. 325 00:15:26,842 --> 00:15:28,052 -Well! -Here's the door 326 00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:29,470 to your body, you see? 327 00:15:29,553 --> 00:15:32,348 And these are over-sized novelty germs. 328 00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:34,600 Uh, that's influenza, that's bronchitis. 329 00:15:34,683 --> 00:15:37,227 And this cute little cuddle bug Is pancreatic cancer. 330 00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:39,647 Ah! Here's what happens when they all try 331 00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:41,190 to get through the door at once. 332 00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,360 (imitates the Three Stooges grunts) 333 00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:45,444 Move it, chowderhead! 334 00:15:45,861 --> 00:15:47,947 We call it "Three Stooges Syndrome." 335 00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:50,074 So what you're saying is... 336 00:15:50,157 --> 00:15:51,617 I'm indestructible. 337 00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:53,077 Oh, no, no. In fact, 338 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:54,620 even a slight breeze could-- 339 00:15:54,703 --> 00:15:57,081 Indestructible. 340 00:16:02,419 --> 00:16:03,796 Why are we cleaning this room? 341 00:16:03,879 --> 00:16:05,798 I don't think we were even in here. 342 00:16:05,881 --> 00:16:08,092 Honey, we want Mr. Burns to find this place 343 00:16:08,175 --> 00:16:09,718 exactly the way he left it. 344 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:14,640 (humming) 345 00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:15,808 (gasps) 346 00:16:17,851 --> 00:16:19,061 (humming) 347 00:16:19,853 --> 00:16:25,067 -(music playing) -(all laughing and cheering) 348 00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:27,528 Look at those poor saps back on land 349 00:16:27,611 --> 00:16:29,989 with their "laws and ethics." 350 00:16:30,072 --> 00:16:32,616 They'll never know the simple joys 351 00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:34,201 of a monkey knife fight. 352 00:16:34,284 --> 00:16:35,828 Give it to him boy! Give it to him! 353 00:16:35,911 --> 00:16:38,789 -(monkey chattering) -(all encouraging) 354 00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:41,125 MOE: Thrust! Parry! 355 00:16:41,208 --> 00:16:42,251 Stab, stab, stab, stab! 356 00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:43,627 -(Moe laughing) -(thud) 357 00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:45,504 Oh, he ain't pretty no more. 358 00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:48,382 -(ship bell ringing) - Hey, coast guard! 359 00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:49,550 Try and stop us now, 360 00:16:49,633 --> 00:16:51,093 You lousy Americans! 361 00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:52,970 MAN: We can't hear you. 362 00:16:53,053 --> 00:16:55,806 Come 300 feet closer. 363 00:16:55,889 --> 00:16:58,142 Nice try. You're not gonna nail us. 364 00:16:58,225 --> 00:17:00,436 MAN: But we just want to party. 365 00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:01,645 Oh, really? 366 00:17:01,729 --> 00:17:03,063 Then, play some rock music. 367 00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:05,482 (man imitating "China Grove" guitar riff) 368 00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:08,986 ♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo doo, doo-doo, doo-doo ♪ 369 00:17:09,069 --> 00:17:10,738 Come on, Bart. The coast guard's 370 00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:12,489 covering the doo. 371 00:17:12,573 --> 00:17:15,784 ♪ A-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ 372 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,369 ♪ A-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ 373 00:17:17,453 --> 00:17:19,204 ♪ A-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo... ♪ 374 00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:23,000 Who's the greatest billionaire in the world? 375 00:17:23,083 --> 00:17:24,626 ALL: You are! 376 00:17:28,505 --> 00:17:31,425 Looks like another homosexual party boat. 377 00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:35,054 They always have such nice things. 378 00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:37,431 Perhaps we should pay them a visit. 379 00:17:37,514 --> 00:17:39,016 A deadly visit? 380 00:17:39,099 --> 00:17:40,893 Well, let's play it by ear. 381 00:17:43,145 --> 00:17:45,981 -("China Grove" playing) -(all laughing) 382 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,941 (laughing) 383 00:17:48,275 --> 00:17:49,401 (gasps) 384 00:17:49,485 --> 00:17:52,446 ♪ China Grove... ♪ 385 00:17:52,529 --> 00:17:53,906 (shrieks) Pirates! 386 00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:55,282 Are you friendly pirates? 387 00:17:55,365 --> 00:17:56,992 Uh, not really. No. 388 00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,411 Then what have you done with my party guests? 389 00:18:00,496 --> 00:18:01,497 (yelling) 390 00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:04,666 They got my bus pass. 391 00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:06,418 They got my bus pass! 392 00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:08,962 Whoa! They're poking every nook and cranny. 393 00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:10,756 Well, every cranny, anyway. 394 00:18:10,839 --> 00:18:12,466 So far, the nook is relatively... 395 00:18:12,549 --> 00:18:14,802 Oh, no! No, it isn't! 396 00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:19,890 Set a course for hidden pirate island... 397 00:18:19,973 --> 00:18:22,267 {\an8}a.k.a. Hong Kong. 398 00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:24,103 Aye, aye, Captain. 399 00:18:26,063 --> 00:18:28,607 Help! Pirates! 400 00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:31,276 MAN: Navy SEALs are on the way. 401 00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:32,903 Oh, bless you! 402 00:18:32,986 --> 00:18:36,198 MAN: How about a tactical nuclear strike? 403 00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:37,908 Oh, that would be just... 404 00:18:37,991 --> 00:18:41,829 Oh! You're just yanking my chain, aren't you? 405 00:18:41,912 --> 00:18:45,415 MAN: Perhaps this foghorn will answer your question. 406 00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:47,417 (horn blows cartoon sound effect) 407 00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:49,586 Enough! Get in the net. 408 00:18:49,670 --> 00:18:51,213 I don't want to! 409 00:18:51,296 --> 00:18:54,133 (Homer grunting and parrots squawking) 410 00:18:59,012 --> 00:19:01,598 Aha! Prepare to die! 411 00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:02,683 You, too. 412 00:19:03,767 --> 00:19:05,519 {\an8}(yelling painfully) Rope burns! 413 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:08,272 Ooh, ooh, Charley horse! Charley horse! 414 00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:09,815 (yells painfully) 415 00:19:09,898 --> 00:19:11,733 My mouth! (groaning weakly) 416 00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:14,570 In the net, right? 417 00:19:19,533 --> 00:19:20,993 {\an8}Some party, Homer! 418 00:19:21,076 --> 00:19:22,452 Shut up, net face. 419 00:19:22,536 --> 00:19:23,996 {\an8}Hey, you're in the net, too. 420 00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:26,707 I said, "Shut up, net face." 421 00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:30,085 Aw, we're going to die, and I never tasted cantaloupe. 422 00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:31,920 Ah, you didn't miss much. 423 00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:34,173 Honeydew is the money melon. 424 00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:36,341 And now, we will cut you loose. 425 00:19:36,717 --> 00:19:38,427 For liability purposes, 426 00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:41,180 it is the ocean that will kill you, not us. 427 00:19:43,098 --> 00:19:44,725 (all screaming) 428 00:19:47,811 --> 00:19:49,938 Hey, what do you know? It floats. 429 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,982 That was my plan all along. 430 00:19:52,065 --> 00:19:55,485 Now, relax and the currents will take us home. 431 00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:57,321 What about the people on the bottom? 432 00:19:57,404 --> 00:19:59,489 They're the greatest heroes of all. 433 00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:01,992 Hey, something's clawing at my leg. 434 00:20:02,576 --> 00:20:03,660 OK, it stopped. 435 00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:08,624 It looks great! I can't believe we scrubbed 436 00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:12,336 that old-man smell out of 137 rooms. 437 00:20:12,419 --> 00:20:14,671 Smithers, old chum, there's nothing like coming home 438 00:20:14,755 --> 00:20:16,131 with a clean bill of health. 439 00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:18,217 Oh, and sorry about your news. 440 00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:20,510 -Thank you, sir. -Do they know how many eggs 441 00:20:20,594 --> 00:20:21,595 it laid in your brain? 442 00:20:21,678 --> 00:20:22,888 I prefer not to know. 443 00:20:22,971 --> 00:20:24,139 Frankly, one is too many. 444 00:20:25,849 --> 00:20:26,934 Ugh! 445 00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:28,560 The foul stench of youth. 446 00:20:29,561 --> 00:20:32,481 Well, let's see. Ming vase on narrow column 447 00:20:32,564 --> 00:20:34,191 not knocked down. 448 00:20:34,274 --> 00:20:36,944 Priceless coins not used in vending machine. 449 00:20:37,027 --> 00:20:38,153 Yes, not bad. 450 00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:39,905 Uh, Mr. Burns, 451 00:20:39,988 --> 00:20:41,281 pirates got your yacht! 452 00:20:41,365 --> 00:20:42,366 What? 453 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,911 Well, I suppose some mishaps are unavoidable. 454 00:20:45,994 --> 00:20:48,914 (monkey chattering) 455 00:20:49,623 --> 00:20:50,624 (metal clangs) 456 00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:54,461 {\an8}(gasping) Furious George! 457 00:20:54,544 --> 00:20:56,630 What have they done to your beautiful face? 458 00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:58,882 Oh... There, there. 459 00:20:59,716 --> 00:21:02,302 Smithers, this monkey's going to need most of your skin. 460 00:21:02,386 --> 00:21:03,720 (groans) 461 00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:07,557 Ah! It's good to be home. 462 00:21:09,309 --> 00:21:11,687 I don't know. After living like a billionaire, 463 00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:13,772 this place is kind of a dump. 464 00:21:13,855 --> 00:21:15,232 Ah, it's not so bad. 465 00:21:15,315 --> 00:21:16,733 Here we can spit on the floor. 466 00:21:17,484 --> 00:21:19,194 Bart, stop that! 467 00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:21,947 Now, we may not have antique furniture 468 00:21:22,030 --> 00:21:23,907 or priceless artwork, 469 00:21:23,991 --> 00:21:26,451 but we have everything we need right here. 470 00:21:26,535 --> 00:21:27,786 That's right. 471 00:21:27,869 --> 00:21:29,538 Just because we're not rich 472 00:21:29,621 --> 00:21:31,665 doesn't mean that we don't have... 473 00:21:31,748 --> 00:21:33,333 (sobbing) 474 00:21:33,417 --> 00:21:35,961 Oh, I can't even finish. 475 00:21:36,044 --> 00:21:37,629 I want to be rich... 476 00:21:37,713 --> 00:21:41,633 (sobbing) 477 00:21:41,717 --> 00:21:43,302 Like these guys! 478 00:21:43,385 --> 00:21:46,054 (sobbing aloud) 479 00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:49,141 And look at all these rich people here. 480 00:21:49,224 --> 00:21:51,810 Not as rich as they should be, of course, 481 00:21:51,893 --> 00:21:53,228 but still rich. 482 00:21:53,312 --> 00:21:54,354 (sobbing continues) 483 00:21:54,438 --> 00:21:56,481 Look at all the big money. 484 00:21:56,565 --> 00:22:00,027 Look at all the names got all the money... 485 00:22:00,110 --> 00:22:01,737 and have lots of money. 486 00:22:01,820 --> 00:22:03,405 (sobbing continues) 487 00:22:03,488 --> 00:22:04,865 Oh, he's bored. 488 00:22:04,948 --> 00:22:07,826 But look at all the other people. 489 00:22:07,909 --> 00:22:10,871 Oh! Look at all the people who can buy and sell me. 490 00:22:10,954 --> 00:22:15,083 I should send a list of these names to the I.R.S. 491 00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:19,171 I'm taking them all down. (sobbing) 492 00:22:19,254 --> 00:22:21,214 Oh, look at all the rich people. 493 00:22:21,631 --> 00:22:25,761 -Oh! Oh, look at the rich. -WOMAN: Shh! 494 00:22:25,844 --> 00:22:27,637 HOMER: Don't shush me, you rich bastard! 495 00:22:29,514 --> 00:22:31,516 {\an8}Captioned by Visual Data Media Services