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CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
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(theme music playing)
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(bell ringing)
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(whistle blows)
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(beeping)
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(playing the blues)
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(horn honking)
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(tires screeching)
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D'oh! (screams)
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(tires screeching)
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(all yelling)
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{\an8}(playing "Stars and Stripes Forever")
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♪ Those stars and stripes ♪
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♪ Those crazy stripes ♪
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♪ Let's end together ♪
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{\an8}Yay! (sighs)
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{\an8}You'll have to do a lot better than that,
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{\an8}especially since we've just been accepted
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{\an8}in the school band competition
at the county fair!
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{\an8}I'm sorry. I mean the state fair.
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{\an8}(all cheering)
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{\an8}I hate to be a killjoy,
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{\an8}but do you really think we can win
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{\an8}playing "Stars and Stripes Forever"?
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{\an8}It's so beginner band
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{\an8}and we're advanced beginner band.
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{\an8}-This is band?
-Very well, Lisa.
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{\an8}What rousing Sousa march
would you have us play?
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{\an8}Well, I thought maybe,
for once, we could play a song
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{\an8}that wasn't written by Sousa.
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{\an8}You mean something just arranged by Sousa?
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{\an8}No. Something fresh and bold.
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{\an8}Well, darling, you have lost me.
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{\an8}How about something cool,
like "Camptown Races"?
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{\an8}Hey, Grandpa, the Civil War's over.
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{\an8}How about "Little Brown Jug"?
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{\an8}♪ Ya-ha-ha, hee-hee-hee ♪
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{\an8}♪ Little brown jug, how I love thee ♪
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{\an8}Oh! Stop with your devil music.
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{\an8}Lisa, this is all your fault.
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{\an8}Hey, the blond broad's got a point.
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{\an8}We need something
with a little ring-a-ding-ding.
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{\an8}Take your arm off me.
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{\an8}Ooh! This kitten's got claws.
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{\an8}OK, we'll do a different song.
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{\an8}Who cares? They all end up
sounding the same anyway.
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{\an8}What a fruit fly.
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{\an8}(country music playing)
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Vietnam veteran.
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Do you have a military ID?
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{\an8}ID? Man, Charlie didn't ask for ID
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{\an8}when I fought at La Choy and Chun King.
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I saw my best friend's head
explode at Margaret Cho.
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Homer, give him the 50 cents.
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Why should I?
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Did my country give me a parade?
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No, man! They spat at me and...
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-Just go.
-Thank you.
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This closes the saddest chapter
in American history.
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I can't wait to do some shopping.
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Look at all these innovative products.
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Miracle shears.
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Oh!
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The drain bugger!
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Huh?
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Folks, how often have you
opened your morning paper
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only to have the rubber band fly off
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and hit you right in the eye?
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Never, but it's my number one concern.
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Well, with the Omnigogs system
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those worries are a thing of the past.
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-Oh!
-(gasping)
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I'm all right, folks,
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thanks to my Omnigogs!
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(all cheering)
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A little late for Lenny.
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Who are those pleasant old men?
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It's B.T.O.
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They're Canada's answer to E.L.P.
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Their big hit was "T.C.B."
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That's how we talked in the '70s.
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We didn't have a moment to spare.
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Hello, Springfield!
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(crowd cheering)
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We're going to play
all your old favorites.
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But first, we'd like to dip
into our new CD.
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"Takin' Care Of Business"!
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Don't worry, sir. We'll get to that one.
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No talking! No new crap!
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"Takin' Care Of Business" now!
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♪ You get up every morning ♪
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♪ From the alarm clock's warning ♪
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♪ Take the 8:15 into the city... ♪
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Get to the working overtime part!
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-Unbelievable.
-Dumb-ass.
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♪ Working overtime... ♪
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Work out!
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(music continues)
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♪ Baby, you ain't seen ♪
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♪ Nothing yet ♪
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Oh!
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(music ends)
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Play "Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet"!
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We just did!
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Whatever!
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Be sure to stick around
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for the battle
of the elementary school bands.
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Oh!
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Homer, Lisa's in that.
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I stand by my disappointed groan.
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(playing "Living In America")
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(cutting loose with a rousing solo)
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(slurping)
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(improvising)
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Check out Lisa. She's a sax machine.
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{\an8}Makes me think I should have
done something with my life.
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Oh, well.
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(music stops)
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(cheering and applause)
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Beautiful. Just beautiful.
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This is what comptrolling is all about.
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{\an8}(judges exclaiming)
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Anybody got a building permit?
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'Cause we nailed it!
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Way to blow, Lis!
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That is the best version
of "Living in America"
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I've ever heard.
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Third best for me.
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Well, unless there's another band
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I think we have a winner.
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Oh, wait.
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There is another band-- from Ogdenville.
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Uh, please welcome the Ogdenville band.
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(audience applauding)
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(playing "Stars and Stripes Forever")
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"Stars and Stripes Forever"?
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Oh, man. They're toast.
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(music ends)
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(crowd cheering)
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LISA: Oh! Glow Sticks?
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But visual aids are against the rules.
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Whoo, baby!
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Well, it's not going to be easy
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to pick a winner, but...
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ALL: Ogdenville! Ogdenville!
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{\an8}But I think one school red,
white and blue us all away!
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-(gasps) Oh.
-Hmm.
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And the winner is... Ogdenville!
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I hope you enjoy your plaque, cheater.
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Well, I was going to give you
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the good sportsmanship award,
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but now I'm just going to be sick.
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I can't believe those idiot judges
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were impressed by glowing plastic tubes.
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Look, Lisa!
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It glows! Ooh.
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Let's forget about the band contest
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and just have fun at the state fair.
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You mean state unfair.
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Yeah, right, that's what I meant, Lisa.
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-State unfair.
-Zing!
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See, Marge?
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I told you they could deep fry my shirt.
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I didn't say they couldn't.
I said you shouldn't.
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Step right up and see Duncan,
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the Incredible Diving Horse!
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I wish people would stop
telling me to step right up.
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(frightened neighing)
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Looks like he's ready to dive, folks!
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(whimpering)
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(screaming)
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(gasping)
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(cheering)
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Another incredible performance
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by this water-loving wonder horse!
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What's that, Duncan?
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You say you want to dive again?
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Well...
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This is clearly a case of animal cruelty.
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Uh, do you have a permit for that?
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No problem, sir. It's in my car.
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You got to stop being so trusting, Chief.
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I'd rather let 1,000 guilty men go free
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than chase after them.
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All right, show's over, folks.
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I'm afraid this horse is going
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to the dog food factory.
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Good luck getting a horse to eat dog food.
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You can't do that to Duncan.
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It's not his fault
that his owner was a sleaze.
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Look, I just want the horse
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to have a good home or be food.
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If you want to take him, fine with me.
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Hmm.
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Should the Simpsons get a horse?
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Excuse me, but I believe
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this family already had a horse
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and the expense forced Homer
to work at the Kwik-E-Mart
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with hilarious consequences.
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Anybody care what this guy thinks?
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ALL: No!
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Tunnel!
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(neighs)
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(neighs)
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Oh, my. Oh.
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It's going to cost us $500
a week to keep Duncan.
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00:09:19,850 --> 00:09:21,936
But he'll bring us joy, Marge--
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unlike all your silly gewgaws.
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At least you don't have to feed
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any of the stuff I bought at the fair...
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Well, except the mop.
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(chomping)
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Marge, your pro-mop, anti-horse agenda
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has been clear for some time.
215
00:09:36,784 --> 00:09:39,495
But don't worry, I have a way
for Duncan to earn his keep.
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(whinnying)
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Mm, that's terrific, Duncan.
218
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You're 10 for 10.
219
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Now let's look in the rule book
220
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and see if horses can play in the NFL.
221
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D'oh!
222
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{\an8}He's a diving horse--
223
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{\an8}maybe he could dive for pearls.
224
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Pearls, eh?
225
00:10:02,184 --> 00:10:04,478
Breakfast is served.
226
00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:08,482
(chomping)
227
00:10:10,776 --> 00:10:13,779
(laughing)
228
00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:19,410
-Hey, Dad?
-Huh?
229
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This horse is pretty fast.
230
00:10:20,494 --> 00:10:21,912
Maybe we can race him.
231
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Racehorse, eh?
232
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(laughing)
233
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:29,462
Dear Mr. President...
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00:10:29,545 --> 00:10:30,880
What are you doing, Lisa?
235
00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:32,632
Writing a letter to President Clinton
236
00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:35,426
about that travesty of a band contest.
237
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As a fellow sax player,
I'm sure he'll be outraged.
238
00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:40,806
Honey, don't get obsessed with that.
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00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:42,516
Focus on the good things--
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like this fire extinguisher
I got at the fair...
241
00:10:44,685 --> 00:10:47,480
Mom, really it's...
Hey, what are you doing?
242
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It's the only fire extinguisher
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endorsed by both Lynda Carter
and George Foreman.
244
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I wonder what would happen
if they had a baby?
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(laughing hysterically)
246
00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:04,413
Dad, if we're going to race Duncan
247
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shouldn't we hire a professional trainer?
248
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Son, I learned everything I needed to know
249
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from The Horse Whisperer.
250
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Step one-- seduce a lonely housewife.
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00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:14,382
Ma'am.
252
00:11:15,716 --> 00:11:17,385
Now for the actual horse whispering.
253
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When the race starts, run really fast.
254
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Aw, come on! Come on!
There's got to a winner
255
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on this floor somewhere.
256
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Bingo!
257
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Hey, let go, you lousy, stinkin'...
258
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{\an8}What?
259
00:11:37,738 --> 00:11:39,198
You're...
260
00:11:39,281 --> 00:11:41,242
beau-tee-full.
261
00:11:41,325 --> 00:11:42,660
(thumping loudly)
262
00:11:42,743 --> 00:11:44,704
Uh-oh. This is a serious medical problem.
263
00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:45,871
Uh, I got to go.
264
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Just once I'd like to ride clockwise.
265
00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:51,627
Really? I thought I was the only one.
266
00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:55,381
-(air horn blaring)
-(whinnying)
267
00:11:55,464 --> 00:11:56,716
Champion horse coming through.
268
00:11:56,799 --> 00:11:58,342
-What the...
-(air horn blaring)
269
00:11:58,426 --> 00:12:01,220
Good horse. Here's one taco
270
00:12:01,303 --> 00:12:03,347
and you'll get another when you win.
271
00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:06,183
Hey, where do you get those
metal dealies for his feet?
272
00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:08,269
You mean horseshoes?
273
00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:10,938
Hey, what's with the attitude?
I just want some dealies.
274
00:12:11,021 --> 00:12:13,524
You really think that horse can
run a mile and a half?
275
00:12:13,607 --> 00:12:15,651
He ran all the way here.
276
00:12:17,945 --> 00:12:20,197
(playing "Call To Post")
277
00:12:22,658 --> 00:12:24,034
You can do it, Duncan.
278
00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:26,370
I don't care if your odds are...
279
00:12:26,454 --> 00:12:29,123
five million to one? Oh...
280
00:12:29,206 --> 00:12:30,458
Don't worry, boy.
281
00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:32,209
I'll love you even if you don't win.
282
00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:33,794
(snorting)
283
00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:38,507
That horse better win
284
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:42,094
or we're taking a trip to the glue factory
285
00:12:42,178 --> 00:12:43,846
and he won't get to come.
286
00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:45,014
Yeah, that's a great tour,
287
00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:47,183
but you can't see it all in one day.
288
00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:48,809
-Hey, be quiet.
-(bell rings)
289
00:12:48,893 --> 00:12:50,394
TRACK ANNOUNCER: And away they go!
290
00:12:50,478 --> 00:12:52,104
-Go, Duncan!
-Go, number five!
291
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:53,230
-Go number five!
-Do it for Lenny!
292
00:12:53,314 --> 00:12:54,440
It's Chock Full o' Drugs,
293
00:12:54,523 --> 00:12:55,941
followed closely by Stalker
294
00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:58,319
with Old Levis fading fast.
295
00:12:58,402 --> 00:12:59,695
What's this?
296
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,447
Number five, Duncan,
297
00:13:01,530 --> 00:13:03,949
the horse no one expected to do anything
298
00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:05,367
isn't doing anything!
299
00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:07,453
He hasn't even left the starting gate!
300
00:13:07,536 --> 00:13:08,954
Come on, boy. I know you're scared,
301
00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:09,997
but you can do this.
302
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:11,332
I believe in you!
303
00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:14,251
(neighing)
304
00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:15,419
Would you look at this?
305
00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:17,254
The straggler, Duncan,
306
00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:19,048
has exploded out of the gate
307
00:13:19,131 --> 00:13:20,758
and is making a big move!
308
00:13:20,841 --> 00:13:24,053
He's showing more heart
than any horse I've ever seen!
309
00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:26,764
What a shame the race is already over.
310
00:13:26,847 --> 00:13:28,224
(camera shutter clicking)
311
00:13:29,391 --> 00:13:30,935
Hmm.
312
00:13:34,855 --> 00:13:35,898
Cheer up, son.
313
00:13:35,981 --> 00:13:36,982
I thought you looked
314
00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:38,734
damn good out there.
315
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:39,735
Oh, wait.
316
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,529
You were number five?
317
00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:44,365
Ew! You st...
318
00:13:44,448 --> 00:13:46,242
Damn good.
319
00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:49,495
(both laughing)
320
00:13:49,578 --> 00:13:51,038
Duncan's really fast, Dad.
321
00:13:51,121 --> 00:13:53,165
He was just intimidated
by those other horses.
322
00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:56,085
Well, he's not going
to be intimidated anymore.
323
00:13:56,168 --> 00:13:58,546
We're going to toughen him up.
324
00:13:58,629 --> 00:14:00,339
Give him a new bad-ass attitude.
325
00:14:00,422 --> 00:14:02,550
All those other horses will be shaking
326
00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:04,593
in their horse dealies.
327
00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:08,347
Hello. I'd like to speak
to President Clinton, please.
328
00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:10,766
I wrote to him, and he never wrote back.
329
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,852
No, I don't want Al Gore.
330
00:14:12,935 --> 00:14:16,230
Lisa, you've got to learn
that life isn't always fair.
331
00:14:16,313 --> 00:14:18,274
Try to channel your disappointment
332
00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:19,900
into something creative
333
00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:21,277
like a sampler.
334
00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:24,238
(screaming)
335
00:14:24,321 --> 00:14:25,489
Is that Duncan?
336
00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:26,866
Not anymore.
337
00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:29,034
Ladies, say hello to...
338
00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:30,744
MARGE: Furious D?
339
00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:32,121
He's the bad boy of racing.
340
00:14:32,204 --> 00:14:33,622
He's got attitude and bad-itude.
341
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:34,832
So show him some latitude
342
00:14:34,915 --> 00:14:36,125
and you'll win his gratitude.
343
00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:38,294
-Only in America.
-Ew!
344
00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:40,671
You used my bracelet for a nose ring!
345
00:14:40,754 --> 00:14:43,090
Possessions are fleeting.
346
00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:48,929
Why, look at that disgraceful beast.
347
00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:50,306
Good lord.
348
00:14:50,389 --> 00:14:52,141
What has become of the sport of kings?
349
00:14:52,224 --> 00:14:53,267
Get bent.
350
00:14:53,350 --> 00:14:54,768
(gasps)
351
00:14:54,852 --> 00:14:56,437
{\an8}That's my third monocle this week.
352
00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:58,814
{\an8}I simply must stop being so horrified.
353
00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:02,443
So many horses.
354
00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:04,904
I don't know who to vote for.
355
00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:06,405
Can't I just bet that all the horses
356
00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:07,740
will have a fun time?
357
00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:09,617
Yeah, I think you want that line.
358
00:15:13,996 --> 00:15:15,664
Whoa. He looks scary.
359
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,708
Yeah, I'm shaking in my silks.
360
00:15:17,791 --> 00:15:20,336
-(shuddering)
-(both laughing)
361
00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:21,921
Don't listen to them, D. Just remember,
362
00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:23,589
you've got a new persona.
363
00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:26,550
A new per-so-na.
364
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:30,721
-(bell rings)
-ANNOUNCER: And away they go.
365
00:15:30,804 --> 00:15:32,264
(cheering)
366
00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:35,517
OK, Lisa, I've got
Furious D across the board
367
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:37,144
boxed with the three and the eight
368
00:15:37,227 --> 00:15:38,979
and wheeled up and down.
369
00:15:39,063 --> 00:15:41,982
Mom, I think you might be
developing a gambling problem.
370
00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:43,400
Hey, I'm watching you.
371
00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:44,443
They're tightly bunched
372
00:15:44,526 --> 00:15:45,986
as they round the far turn.
373
00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:47,196
Wait a minute.
374
00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:49,031
Hang on to your monocles
375
00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:50,574
'cause Furious D
376
00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:53,243
is closing like a horse possessed.
377
00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:54,620
(yelling)
378
00:15:55,245 --> 00:15:56,372
Ahh!
379
00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:59,458
That's it, D. Don't let anyone
push you around.
380
00:15:59,541 --> 00:16:01,293
Be as bad as you want to be.
381
00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:04,630
-And the winner-- Furious D.
-(bell rings)
382
00:16:05,881 --> 00:16:08,300
(snorting) (whinnying)
383
00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:11,679
Oh, man, that horse
don't take no guff from nobody.
384
00:16:11,762 --> 00:16:13,889
-BOTH: Guff?
-I mean, sh...
385
00:16:15,516 --> 00:16:16,475
Whoo-hoo!
386
00:16:16,558 --> 00:16:18,477
In your little faces!
387
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:19,728
(horn blaring)
388
00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:24,149
♪ He's going the distance ♪
389
00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:25,859
♪ He's going for speed ♪
390
00:16:25,943 --> 00:16:27,486
(whinnying)
391
00:16:27,569 --> 00:16:28,946
♪ Because he's racing and pacing ♪
392
00:16:29,029 --> 00:16:30,239
♪ And plotting the course ♪
393
00:16:30,322 --> 00:16:31,532
♪ He's fighting and biting ♪
394
00:16:31,615 --> 00:16:33,242
♪ And riding on his horse ♪
395
00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:35,661
♪ He's going the distance ♪
396
00:16:35,744 --> 00:16:38,706
♪ Ah, ah ♪
397
00:16:41,583 --> 00:16:43,669
Man, I got more trophies
398
00:16:43,752 --> 00:16:46,547
than Wayne Gretzky and the Pope combined.
399
00:16:46,630 --> 00:16:48,215
You're quite a trainer, Mr. Simpson.
400
00:16:48,298 --> 00:16:50,718
Care to join us for a beer
in the jockey's lounge?
401
00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:53,679
I've been waiting
all my life to hear that.
402
00:16:53,762 --> 00:16:55,597
Hey, where'd you go?
403
00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:57,349
Little man? (yelps)
404
00:16:57,433 --> 00:16:59,727
(screaming)
405
00:17:01,353 --> 00:17:02,312
What happened?
406
00:17:02,396 --> 00:17:04,690
(giggling)
407
00:17:04,773 --> 00:17:06,817
What is this place?
408
00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:10,946
Welcome to the secret land of the jockeys.
409
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:14,533
(giggling)
410
00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:16,535
Why are you talking like that?
411
00:17:16,618 --> 00:17:18,704
These are our real voices.
412
00:17:18,787 --> 00:17:21,165
{\an8}(deeper) We only talk like this
on your surface world.
413
00:17:21,248 --> 00:17:23,000
But you're respected athletes.
414
00:17:23,083 --> 00:17:25,919
You own car dealerships
and marry beauty queens.
415
00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:27,337
All a lie.
416
00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:29,089
{\an8}What woman would marry us?
417
00:17:29,173 --> 00:17:30,632
{\an8}We're freaks.
418
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:33,969
ALL: Freaks... Freaks... Freaks...
419
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:37,598
♪ We are the jockeys jockeys are we ♪
420
00:17:37,681 --> 00:17:41,810
♪ We live underground
in a fiberglass tree ♪
421
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,020
Ha!
422
00:17:43,103 --> 00:17:45,481
-Ooh!
-Ha-ha!
423
00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:49,401
♪ 'Tween earth and hell we reign supreme ♪
424
00:17:49,485 --> 00:17:53,489
♪ On toadstool thrones
by a chocolate stream ♪
425
00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:58,285
♪ But all is not well in jockey town ♪
426
00:17:58,368 --> 00:18:03,624
{\an8}♪ Your renegade horse is making us frown ♪
427
00:18:03,707 --> 00:18:05,209
What do you want me to do?
428
00:18:05,292 --> 00:18:06,960
♪ Your horse must lose ♪
429
00:18:07,044 --> 00:18:08,962
{\an8}My horse must lose?
430
00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:10,714
{\an8}♪ No win... No show... No place... ♪
431
00:18:10,798 --> 00:18:14,635
♪ Just lose the stinkin' race ♪
432
00:18:14,718 --> 00:18:17,262
And what if I refuse to lose?
433
00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:19,139
We'll eat your brain.
434
00:18:19,223 --> 00:18:25,229
♪ My horse must lose! ♪
435
00:18:25,687 --> 00:18:26,897
Ow!
436
00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:29,399
Ah! (whimpers)
437
00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:31,235
Did that really happen
438
00:18:31,318 --> 00:18:33,612
or was it just a wonderful dream?
439
00:18:33,695 --> 00:18:35,781
No dream. Lose the race, fat boy.
440
00:18:35,864 --> 00:18:36,782
(sobbing)
441
00:18:36,865 --> 00:18:38,242
HOMER: Son, don't ask why
442
00:18:38,325 --> 00:18:39,910
but you have to lose the big race.
443
00:18:39,993 --> 00:18:42,371
You want me to lose the Springfield Derby?
444
00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:45,290
But you always taught me
that winning was everything.
445
00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:47,751
Oh, it is, it is,
446
00:18:47,835 --> 00:18:51,171
but we've been pushing
that poor horse too hard.
447
00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:53,382
{\an8}Maybe, but, if Duncan wins the derby
448
00:18:53,465 --> 00:18:55,634
{\an8}he can spend the rest
of his days as a stud.
449
00:18:55,717 --> 00:18:58,762
Well, it is a good life, believe me...
450
00:18:58,846 --> 00:19:00,264
(chuckles)
451
00:19:00,347 --> 00:19:02,391
All right. We'll give it a shot.
452
00:19:02,474 --> 00:19:04,685
I'll deal with those murderous trolls.
453
00:19:04,768 --> 00:19:06,061
{\an8}-Huh?
-I mean...
454
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:08,522
I'll deal with those murderous trolls.
455
00:19:08,605 --> 00:19:10,774
ANNOUNCER: Welcome
to the Springfield Derby--
456
00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:14,862
the fifth and penultimate duel
of racing's triple crown.
457
00:19:14,945 --> 00:19:16,113
Good luck today, Bill.
458
00:19:16,196 --> 00:19:17,739
-(growling)
-(gasps)
459
00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:20,701
-(bell rings)
-And away they go.
460
00:19:20,784 --> 00:19:23,871
Furious D takes the early lead.
461
00:19:23,954 --> 00:19:25,664
Ow! Ooh! Oh!
462
00:19:25,747 --> 00:19:27,082
ANNOUNCER: What a shameful display
463
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:28,750
by these tiny hotheads.
464
00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:30,836
Let's try to remember
the good little people
465
00:19:30,919 --> 00:19:33,714
like James Madison
or Oscar-winner Linda Hunt.
466
00:19:35,674 --> 00:19:37,426
Ow! Ack! Ow!
467
00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:40,470
Oh, I, uh... what's going on?
468
00:19:40,554 --> 00:19:41,805
(screaming)
469
00:19:41,889 --> 00:19:44,391
Could it be? In a bizarre twist,
470
00:19:44,474 --> 00:19:46,476
a horse is abusing a jockey.
471
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:47,769
Might this be the start of
472
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:49,897
a terrifying Planet of the Horses?
473
00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:53,400
In this announcer's opinion,
almost certainly yes,
474
00:19:53,483 --> 00:19:55,152
and away I go.
475
00:19:55,235 --> 00:19:56,278
(door slams)
476
00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:58,864
(crowd cheering)
477
00:19:58,947 --> 00:20:00,157
Go, son!
478
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:01,742
Do it for the normals!
479
00:20:01,825 --> 00:20:03,994
-(bell ringing)
-(audience cheering)
480
00:20:04,077 --> 00:20:07,080
I can't stress enough how easy it was
481
00:20:07,164 --> 00:20:10,626
to win this prestigious race
and furthermore...
482
00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:15,756
{\an8}Hollywood is leading our kids
down a moral sewer. Got to go.
483
00:20:18,133 --> 00:20:19,468
(all yelling)
484
00:20:21,678 --> 00:20:23,430
(jockeys whooping)
485
00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:27,476
You must die!
486
00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:29,645
(war whoops)
487
00:20:29,728 --> 00:20:31,104
Hey, need any help, Homer?
488
00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:32,272
No, we're cool.
489
00:20:34,024 --> 00:20:35,484
Marge, now!
490
00:20:37,819 --> 00:20:39,905
(all groaning)
491
00:20:39,988 --> 00:20:42,032
(moans and groans)
492
00:20:42,115 --> 00:20:44,660
Son, go get me a trash bag.
493
00:20:45,327 --> 00:20:46,411
-Hey!
-Let us out!
494
00:20:46,495 --> 00:20:48,288
-Let me out of here!
-Please!
495
00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:49,790
We'll give you gold!
496
00:20:49,873 --> 00:20:51,750
Now that you're champion
497
00:20:51,833 --> 00:20:53,752
{\an8}you have your pick of the fillies.
498
00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:56,672
(whinnying)
499
00:20:57,673 --> 00:20:59,174
(whinnying)
500
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:00,676
Yeah, she's the best.
501
00:21:00,759 --> 00:21:04,513
Whoo, can you imagine
her face on her body?
502
00:21:04,596 --> 00:21:06,139
-(snorts)
-(doorbell ringing)
503
00:21:07,557 --> 00:21:09,101
President Clinton?
504
00:21:09,184 --> 00:21:11,561
Yeah, hi. I'm here to see Lisa Simpson.
505
00:21:11,645 --> 00:21:13,689
(gasps) You read my letter?
506
00:21:13,772 --> 00:21:15,357
Much of it, yeah,
507
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:18,151
and those glow-sticks
were wrong, very wrong.
508
00:21:18,235 --> 00:21:20,362
So I've personally overturned the results
509
00:21:20,445 --> 00:21:21,822
of that band contest.
510
00:21:21,905 --> 00:21:22,990
-Congratulations.
-(gasps)
511
00:21:23,073 --> 00:21:24,449
Thank you, Mr. President.
512
00:21:24,533 --> 00:21:26,034
No, thank you, Lisa,
513
00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:27,703
for teaching kids everywhere
514
00:21:27,786 --> 00:21:28,912
a valuable lesson.
515
00:21:28,996 --> 00:21:30,539
If things don't go your way
516
00:21:30,622 --> 00:21:33,417
just keep complaining
until your dreams come true.
517
00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:35,210
That's a pretty lousy lesson.
518
00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:37,838
Hey, I'm a pretty lousy president.
519
00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:41,508
(fair music playing)
520
00:21:45,095 --> 00:21:47,472
{\an8}(theme music playing)
521
00:22:25,093 --> 00:22:26,595
-(murmuring)
-Shh.
522
00:22:26,678 --> 00:22:29,514
COMIC BOOK GUY: Worst episode ever.
523
00:22:30,140 --> 00:22:32,142
{\an8}Captioned by
Visual Data Media Services