1 00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:06,589 CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,810 (bell ringing) 3 00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:25,275 (whistle blows) 4 00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:31,364 (beeping) 5 00:00:35,827 --> 00:00:38,913 (playing the blues) 6 00:00:38,997 --> 00:00:40,957 (jazzy solo) 7 00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:47,630 (tires screech) 8 00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:48,590 (chimes) 9 00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:00,518 (honking horn) 10 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,103 (tires screeching) 11 00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:06,066 D'oh. (screams) 12 00:01:08,818 --> 00:01:10,987 (Homer screams) 13 00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:28,797 {\an8}Now, remember, we have to leave nature 14 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:30,340 {\an8}just the way we found it. 15 00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:32,759 {\an8}Everything we pack in, we pack out. 16 00:01:32,842 --> 00:01:34,594 {\an8}What if I have to do my business? 17 00:01:34,677 --> 00:01:36,012 {\an8}Use this plastic bag. 18 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,139 {\an8}Oh, how come bears can crap in the woods 19 00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:39,140 {\an8}and I can't? 20 00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:42,602 {\an8}(grunts) 21 00:01:44,562 --> 00:01:48,108 {\an8}Ah, we're so lucky to have this untouched piece of paradise 22 00:01:48,191 --> 00:01:49,567 {\an8}so close to Springfield. 23 00:01:50,318 --> 00:01:52,654 {\an8}-(buzzing) -(gasps) Bees! 24 00:01:52,737 --> 00:01:55,490 {\an8}They sound angry and Africanized. 25 00:01:55,824 --> 00:01:56,950 {\an8}OK, nobody panic. 26 00:01:57,033 --> 00:01:58,535 {\an8}There's plenty of spray for me. 27 00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:07,627 {\an8}-(tires squealing) -That doesn't sound like bees. 28 00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:10,171 {\an8}Oh, my god! 29 00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:11,714 {\an8}It's a racetrack. 30 00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:15,135 {\an8}(gasps) The bird sanctuary. 31 00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:16,386 {\an8}They ruined it. 32 00:02:16,469 --> 00:02:18,012 {\an8}HOMER: No, they didn't. 33 00:02:18,346 --> 00:02:21,266 {\an8}They just surrounded it with something wonderful. 34 00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:23,768 {\an8}Like a raisin covered in chocolate. 35 00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:26,062 {\an8}Or a monkey in a cowboy suit. 36 00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:28,857 {\an8}-HOMER: Hmm. -LISA: Whoa! 37 00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:31,442 {\an8}-HOMER: Hmm. -LISA: Whoa! 38 00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:37,073 {\an8}See? Animals can get used to anything. 39 00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:38,992 {\an8}(grunting) 40 00:02:40,952 --> 00:02:42,704 {\an8}(squawks) Start your engines! 41 00:02:42,787 --> 00:02:44,873 {\an8}Show us your boobs. Show us your boobs. 42 00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:47,208 {\an8}Oh, you better do what he says, Marge. 43 00:02:51,462 --> 00:02:52,589 BART: Cool! 44 00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:54,591 {\an8}Way to adapt, little guy. 45 00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:58,303 Why do jerks think everyone wants 46 00:02:58,386 --> 00:03:00,138 to see their stupid name? 47 00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:06,769 (screams) 48 00:03:08,271 --> 00:03:09,105 (grunts) 49 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,691 Sorry to break up your picnic, folks. 50 00:03:11,774 --> 00:03:14,068 I'm two-time fast car champ Clay Babcock. 51 00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:15,486 You're on fire! 52 00:03:15,570 --> 00:03:16,779 Yeah, I have won a lot of races, 53 00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:18,615 but it's all thanks to my crew, really. 54 00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:20,491 Eh! Ah! Hoo! There it is. 55 00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:22,285 Mr. Babcock, can I take a ride in you car? 56 00:03:22,368 --> 00:03:23,995 Well, my "A" car was just incinerated, 57 00:03:24,078 --> 00:03:25,663 but, uh, you could ride in my "B" car. 58 00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:28,833 {\an8}I don't see why not. 59 00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,086 Bart, these are the time trials 60 00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:34,172 that determine the pole position. 61 00:03:34,255 --> 00:03:35,965 Shouldn't you be keeping your hands on the wheel? 62 00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:37,342 Oh, sure, if you want to drive 63 00:03:37,425 --> 00:03:39,219 the traditional way. 64 00:03:40,136 --> 00:03:41,221 -Whoa! -Sorry. 65 00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:43,806 Boy, these cars are surprisingly roomy. 66 00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:45,433 Yeah, we like to bring our families along 67 00:03:45,516 --> 00:03:46,726 on the longer races. 68 00:03:46,809 --> 00:03:48,937 If I get tired, I let my wife drive. 69 00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:49,979 She's good. 70 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:52,148 Get your feet off the upholstery. 71 00:03:53,024 --> 00:03:54,359 (tires screeching) 72 00:03:54,442 --> 00:03:55,652 Folks, I got some spare tickets 73 00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:57,278 if you'd like to stick around for the race. 74 00:03:57,362 --> 00:03:58,321 {\an8}That's very sweet, 75 00:03:58,404 --> 00:04:00,490 {\an8}but we have a full day of hiking planned. 76 00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:01,866 We can hike anytime. 77 00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:04,452 This is our chance to see cars driving. 78 00:04:04,535 --> 00:04:05,411 -LISA: Oh. -HOMER: Hmm. 79 00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:10,541 Hi-diddly-ho, pedal-to-the-metal-o-philes. 80 00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:13,336 Flanders? Since when do you like anything cool? 81 00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:14,837 Well, I don't care for the speed, 82 00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:17,257 but I can't get enough of that safety gear. 83 00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,300 Helmets, roll bars, caution flags. 84 00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:20,843 I like the fresh air 85 00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:23,179 and looking at the poor people in the infield. 86 00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:24,681 (cheering) 87 00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:27,767 Dang, Cletus! 88 00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:29,644 Why did you have to park by my parents? 89 00:04:29,727 --> 00:04:32,730 Now, honey, they's my parents, too. 90 00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:36,109 ANNOUNCER: Gentlemen, 91 00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:38,945 start your engines! 92 00:04:39,028 --> 00:04:39,862 (engines start) 93 00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:41,364 Daddy, can we move closer? 94 00:04:41,447 --> 00:04:43,116 Abso-not-ly, hot-roddy. 95 00:04:43,199 --> 00:04:44,742 We're up here out of range of the crashes 96 00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:46,077 and the drivers cussing. 97 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:47,829 -Move your damn butt! -Bite me! 98 00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:53,501 (all gasping) 99 00:04:55,044 --> 00:04:56,254 (disappointed groaning) 100 00:04:57,588 --> 00:04:58,589 (all gasping) 101 00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:00,383 (disappointed groaning) 102 00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:02,635 Come on! Somebody crash! 103 00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:04,470 Be patient, son. 104 00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:06,848 A watched car never crashes. 105 00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:09,100 -(crash) -Oh, I missed one! 106 00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:12,562 MAN: Let's go! Let's go! 107 00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:17,108 The dice! The dice! The dice! 108 00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:22,071 Eight seconds. Great job, boys. 109 00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:29,871 Let's go! New tires! Come on! Come on! 110 00:05:29,954 --> 00:05:32,123 We're going as fast as we can. 111 00:05:32,206 --> 00:05:33,166 Hey, who are you? 112 00:05:33,249 --> 00:05:35,084 {\an8}Oh, how rude of me. My name is... 113 00:05:38,796 --> 00:05:39,630 My bad. 114 00:05:40,256 --> 00:05:41,466 ANNOUNCER: And now, 115 00:05:41,549 --> 00:05:43,676 here's something for the guys. 116 00:05:44,093 --> 00:05:44,969 Finally. 117 00:05:45,053 --> 00:05:46,596 ANNOUNCER: Let's hear it 118 00:05:46,679 --> 00:05:50,433 for Fan-demonium! 119 00:05:50,516 --> 00:05:52,310 Hey, racing fans, 120 00:05:52,393 --> 00:05:55,146 who wants a free t-shirt? 121 00:05:55,646 --> 00:05:57,398 -(all yelling) -Me, me. 122 00:05:57,482 --> 00:05:58,566 (speaking in Spanish) 123 00:05:58,649 --> 00:05:59,984 I do, I do. 124 00:06:00,735 --> 00:06:02,487 Wait. No, I don't. 125 00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:10,703 Hmm. A Ford urinating on a Chevrolet. 126 00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:12,747 Don't you usually laugh at everything? 127 00:06:12,830 --> 00:06:15,375 Yes. Yes, I do. 128 00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:16,667 Come on! Right here! 129 00:06:16,751 --> 00:06:18,294 -Ow! -(all gasping) 130 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:19,796 I'm OK, folks. 131 00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:21,255 (disappointed groaning) 132 00:06:21,339 --> 00:06:22,423 I need a shirt! 133 00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:23,591 Give me a shirt! 134 00:06:23,674 --> 00:06:25,301 Mommy has bosoms like that. 135 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:26,803 Yeah, I wish. 136 00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:29,180 Neddy, I've had about all I can take 137 00:06:29,263 --> 00:06:30,765 of Homer Simpson's torso. 138 00:06:30,848 --> 00:06:31,933 I'll get some hot dogs. 139 00:06:32,016 --> 00:06:33,184 No foot-longs. 140 00:06:33,267 --> 00:06:34,185 I know. 141 00:06:34,268 --> 00:06:35,520 -They make you uncomfortable. -(Homer humming) 142 00:06:36,687 --> 00:06:39,148 Well, I guess no one else 143 00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:40,733 wants a t-shirt. 144 00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:42,860 That's a damn lie and you know it! 145 00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:44,070 Give me a shirt! 146 00:06:44,153 --> 00:06:45,988 You heard him, girls. 147 00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:51,744 Hey, t-shirt, t-shirt, t-shirt! 148 00:06:52,161 --> 00:06:53,079 Fire! 149 00:06:54,747 --> 00:06:56,082 Ooh! A bobby pin. 150 00:06:56,833 --> 00:06:58,209 (screaming) 151 00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:01,379 (gasping) Maude? 152 00:07:03,714 --> 00:07:05,466 (speaking indistinctly) 153 00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:08,344 Oh, my lord! She's dead. 154 00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:10,388 (gasps) Ah... 155 00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:15,601 It's hard to believe 156 00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:17,895 we're never going to see Maude again. 157 00:07:17,979 --> 00:07:20,982 And poor Ned didn't get a chance to say good-bye. 158 00:07:21,065 --> 00:07:23,443 Well, from now on, I'm never going to let you leave the room 159 00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:25,403 without telling you how much I love you 160 00:07:25,486 --> 00:07:27,488 and how truly special-- 161 00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:29,240 This is really eating up a lot time. 162 00:07:29,323 --> 00:07:30,533 Maybe just a pat on the butt. 163 00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:32,034 Yeah, that works. 164 00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:35,663 Now, Homie, you know Ned and the boys need us 165 00:07:35,746 --> 00:07:37,373 and you know what that means. 166 00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:38,499 I know. 167 00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:40,209 No more being a jerk. 168 00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:41,252 That's right. 169 00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:43,337 (sniffs) 170 00:07:55,057 --> 00:07:58,728 In many ways, Maude Flanders was a supporting player 171 00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:00,271 in our lives. 172 00:08:00,354 --> 00:08:02,190 She didn't grab our attention 173 00:08:02,273 --> 00:08:04,358 with memorable catch phrases, 174 00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:06,444 or comical accents. 175 00:08:06,527 --> 00:08:07,862 -Aye. -Arrgh. 176 00:08:07,945 --> 00:08:10,656 (speaking gibberish) 177 00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:13,326 But whether you noticed her or not, 178 00:08:13,409 --> 00:08:16,162 Maude was always there. 179 00:08:16,245 --> 00:08:19,040 And we thought she always would be. 180 00:08:19,123 --> 00:08:21,542 My friends, life is about change. 181 00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:24,921 Just yesterday, Apu was a lonely bachelor. 182 00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:26,214 (babies crying) 183 00:08:26,297 --> 00:08:28,257 Yes, thank God, those days are over. 184 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,343 And the Van Houtens were enjoying 185 00:08:30,426 --> 00:08:32,178 a storybook marriage. 186 00:08:32,261 --> 00:08:35,139 Yeah. Lots of storybooks have witches. 187 00:08:35,223 --> 00:08:36,766 -Shut up, Kirk. -Sorry. 188 00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:38,768 And now the good people at Fan-demonium, 189 00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:40,019 as part of a generous settlement 190 00:08:40,102 --> 00:08:42,605 will fire a 21 t-shirt salute. 191 00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:45,233 (trigger cocking and gunshot) 192 00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:46,817 {\an8}(piper piping) 193 00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:48,069 {\an8}(trigger cocking and gunshot) 194 00:08:49,612 --> 00:08:50,738 {\an8}(trigger cocking and gunshot) 195 00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:54,867 {\an8}Finally! 196 00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:04,168 Ned, my friend, please know that the Kwik-E-Mart 197 00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:06,420 is there for you 24 hours a day. 198 00:09:06,754 --> 00:09:08,548 Oh, thank you, Apu. 199 00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:10,007 And I'm going to give you 200 00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:12,176 all of Maude's frequent-squishee points. 201 00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:14,303 The boys at headquarters will not like it, 202 00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:17,098 but I'm getting pretty sick of them and their Bombay attitude. 203 00:09:17,181 --> 00:09:18,432 Yeah, that's enough there, 'pu. 204 00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:20,268 Look, Ned, I know we ain't hung out much, 205 00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:22,270 uh, what with your insane fear of drinking, 206 00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:24,313 and me being banned from the church and all, 207 00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:27,233 but, uh, but that Maude, she was really something. 208 00:09:27,316 --> 00:09:29,902 Oh, wasn't she? Thank you, Moe. I appreciate that. 209 00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:31,028 No, I really mean it, though. 210 00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:32,530 I mean, if it was you that died, 211 00:09:32,613 --> 00:09:34,198 I would have been on her so fast. 212 00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:35,241 What are you saying? 213 00:09:35,324 --> 00:09:36,701 What? Nothing. She was hot! 214 00:09:36,784 --> 00:09:38,035 What, you can't take a compliment? 215 00:09:38,119 --> 00:09:40,162 You said "hot." You monster! 216 00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:41,247 (grunts) 217 00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:42,915 That's good. Now, let it out. 218 00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:44,041 That's it. Let it out. 219 00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:45,042 Send me to Maude. 220 00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:46,335 That's it! Ah. 221 00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,254 Oh, here I come, baby! Oh, yeah! 222 00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:51,591 (Bart chuckles) Mmm. 223 00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:54,302 Bart? Honey, I think you should go play 224 00:09:54,385 --> 00:09:55,720 with Rod and Todd. 225 00:09:58,055 --> 00:10:00,933 Aw, man, why does everything bad have to happen to me? 226 00:10:02,101 --> 00:10:03,269 When I'm feeling low, 227 00:10:03,352 --> 00:10:05,062 you know what always cheers me up? 228 00:10:05,396 --> 00:10:06,814 Is it love? 229 00:10:06,897 --> 00:10:07,940 Kindness? 230 00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:09,692 Ooh, tough room. 231 00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:11,902 Video games! What do you got? 232 00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:14,071 "Billy Graham's Bible Blaster"? 233 00:10:14,905 --> 00:10:17,617 Keep firing! Convert the heathens! 234 00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:19,243 (video game music plays) 235 00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:23,706 -Got him. -No, you just winged him 236 00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:25,249 and made him a Unitarian. 237 00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:28,169 Look out, Bart! The gentle Baha'i! 238 00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:32,006 -(fanfare music plays) -All right! Full conversion. 239 00:10:32,089 --> 00:10:33,799 Thanks, guys. This really cheered me up. 240 00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:35,885 (male computerized voice) Second coming. Reload, reload. 241 00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:37,720 Can we play now? 242 00:10:37,803 --> 00:10:39,555 You are playing. We're a team. 243 00:10:40,931 --> 00:10:42,266 -Yay! -Yay! 244 00:10:45,269 --> 00:10:47,438 Now, if there's anything, anything at all 245 00:10:47,521 --> 00:10:48,856 I can do to help out. 246 00:10:48,939 --> 00:10:50,024 Quit hogging Flanders. 247 00:10:50,107 --> 00:10:51,275 I want to comfort him. 248 00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:53,319 (laughs) That's nice of you, Homer, 249 00:10:53,402 --> 00:10:55,863 but... (sniffling) I think I'll just go to bed. 250 00:10:55,946 --> 00:10:58,032 Then I insist on walking you home. 251 00:10:58,616 --> 00:11:00,326 Homer, this really isn't necessary. 252 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,495 Those feelings are normal, Ned. 253 00:11:02,578 --> 00:11:04,163 They're part of the process. 254 00:11:04,246 --> 00:11:05,247 Watch the sprinkler. 255 00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:07,166 Hey, that's my sprinkler. 256 00:11:07,249 --> 00:11:09,085 It's natural to feel that way, 257 00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:10,711 but the sprinkler is gone. 258 00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:11,879 It's time to let go. 259 00:11:11,962 --> 00:11:13,631 I just bought that. 260 00:11:13,714 --> 00:11:15,132 I know, I know. 261 00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:16,676 It's never easy. 262 00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:19,011 Do you want anything else? Water? Chili fries? 263 00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:20,096 How about some white noise? 264 00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:22,056 -(imitating white noise) -Oh, Homer... 265 00:11:22,139 --> 00:11:23,516 (yawning) ...you don't have to... 266 00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:25,726 (snoring) 267 00:11:28,479 --> 00:11:29,522 Sleep tight, Neddie. 268 00:11:29,605 --> 00:11:30,648 (groans) 269 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:33,401 (door closes) 270 00:11:36,487 --> 00:11:37,863 (rock clanging) 271 00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:39,865 -Ah... What the... -(rock clanging) 272 00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:44,620 {\an8}Oh, you want a rock fight, eh? (chuckles) 273 00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:46,872 No, Homer! I just need to talk. 274 00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:48,541 OK, be right down. 275 00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:51,711 (laughs) 276 00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:55,089 I just keep replaying the whole thing in my head. 277 00:11:55,172 --> 00:11:57,967 I can't believe my last words to Maude 278 00:11:58,050 --> 00:12:00,010 were "no foot-longs." 279 00:12:00,344 --> 00:12:02,054 Yep, it would have been a lot better 280 00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:04,432 if you'd said "I love you" or "you're special". 281 00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:06,851 You know, something sweet instead of that hot dog crap. 282 00:12:06,934 --> 00:12:08,936 If I'd only been a gentleman 283 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:11,105 and got the hot dogs myself, 284 00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:12,982 she'd still be here. 285 00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:15,151 Now, now, now, don't beat yourself up. 286 00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:17,319 I'm the one who drove her out of her seat. 287 00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:20,406 I'm the one who provoked the lethal barrage of t-shirts. 288 00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:22,408 I'm the one who parked in the ambulance zone 289 00:12:22,491 --> 00:12:24,660 preventing any possible resuscitation. 290 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:27,872 Ah, but, uh, there's no point in playing the blame game. 291 00:12:27,955 --> 00:12:29,123 Eh, you're right. 292 00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:31,751 I just got to work through the grief. (sighs) 293 00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:33,961 There's not going to be an easy answer. 294 00:12:34,044 --> 00:12:35,921 Easy answer, eh? 295 00:12:40,509 --> 00:12:42,136 Oh, yeah, that's it, baby. 296 00:12:42,219 --> 00:12:43,262 {\an8}That's the money shot. 297 00:12:43,345 --> 00:12:44,805 {\an8}Yeah, the camera loves you. 298 00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:47,308 {\an8}Oh-ho-ho, you tease, you. (chuckles) 299 00:12:47,641 --> 00:12:49,351 Why are you taping Flanders, Dad? 300 00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:50,686 You'll see. 301 00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,605 Do you even have a job anymore? 302 00:12:52,688 --> 00:12:55,357 I think it's pretty obvious that I don't. 303 00:12:56,817 --> 00:12:58,861 {\an8}OK, I finished the gardening sequence. 304 00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:00,321 OK, from here, we star-wipe 305 00:13:00,404 --> 00:13:01,989 to a glamor shot of Flanders 306 00:13:02,072 --> 00:13:03,824 -paying his bills... -(speaking indistinctly) 307 00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:06,368 ...then we star-wipe to Flanders brushing his... 308 00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:09,830 Dad, there are other wipes beside star-wipes. 309 00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:12,291 Why eat hamburger when you can have steak? 310 00:13:12,374 --> 00:13:14,251 I'm taking my name off this thing. 311 00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:16,545 So, how you doing, Ned? 312 00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:18,339 Oh, it's been a hard couple of months, 313 00:13:18,422 --> 00:13:20,132 but I feel like I've turned a corner. 314 00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:21,884 Well, that's all going to change, 315 00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:24,386 -thanks to this tape. -Tape? 316 00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:25,846 Now, the audio needs some tweaking 317 00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:27,723 and there's some footage of Maggie being born 318 00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:28,808 that I couldn't get rid of... 319 00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:29,934 Anyway, enjoy. 320 00:13:31,435 --> 00:13:33,103 HOMER: Single women of Springfield, 321 00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:35,564 your prayers have been flan-swered... 322 00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:38,818 Ned Flan-swered, that is. 323 00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:41,320 -Is this a dating video? -Shush. 324 00:13:41,403 --> 00:13:42,363 HOMER: What would you say about a man 325 00:13:42,446 --> 00:13:45,491 who owns his own house and his own car? 326 00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:47,701 That's Ned Flanders... 327 00:13:49,078 --> 00:13:51,497 a man who's not afraid to cry. 328 00:13:51,580 --> 00:13:52,581 -Hey, Ned! -(sobbing) 329 00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:55,459 So that's why you maced me. 330 00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:56,961 (chuckles) Yeah. 331 00:13:57,044 --> 00:13:59,004 Ned does everything with class. 332 00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:01,090 Whether he's punching in his ATM code... 333 00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:05,511 or keeping clean in the shower. 334 00:14:05,594 --> 00:14:06,554 Homer! 335 00:14:06,637 --> 00:14:08,305 HOMER: But don't take my word for it. 336 00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:10,391 Listen to this testimonial. 337 00:14:10,474 --> 00:14:11,892 {\an8}Oh, I would date Ned in a second 338 00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:13,811 {\an8}if I was a woman, or gay. 339 00:14:13,894 --> 00:14:15,604 {\an8}He looks like a cuddler, that Ned. 340 00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:16,814 I--I like that. 341 00:14:16,897 --> 00:14:19,358 I like to be held, I like to be pampered... 342 00:14:19,441 --> 00:14:20,693 -(bell ringing) -(gunshot) 343 00:14:20,776 --> 00:14:21,610 (tires screeching) 344 00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:24,321 HOMER: So if you're tired of dating the same old losers... 345 00:14:24,405 --> 00:14:25,239 What are you doing, Homer? 346 00:14:25,322 --> 00:14:26,490 HOMER: Step up to the best. 347 00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:29,994 Ned Flanders, the man with the chest. 348 00:14:30,077 --> 00:14:30,953 (instrumental music plays) 349 00:14:31,036 --> 00:14:32,204 (panting ferociously) 350 00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:34,415 (grunting loudly) 351 00:14:34,498 --> 00:14:35,666 Eww... 352 00:14:35,749 --> 00:14:38,168 Now, we'll just send this to the dating service, 353 00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:40,671 the chicks'll fall for you, and bam! 354 00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:42,381 The healing begins. 355 00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:46,510 Homer, you obviously went to a lot of trouble, but dating? 356 00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:48,721 It just feels way too soon. 357 00:14:48,804 --> 00:14:51,265 Oh-ho-ho, that's great! 358 00:14:51,348 --> 00:14:53,475 Chicks really dig sensitivity. 359 00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:54,435 Did you get that, Bart? 360 00:14:54,518 --> 00:14:57,062 -Got it. -Beautiful. And star-wipe 361 00:14:57,146 --> 00:14:58,856 and we're out. 362 00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:00,816 Hmm... 363 00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:04,778 Well, with triple word score, that's 90. 364 00:15:05,195 --> 00:15:08,782 (laughs) I guess my luck is starting to even out. 365 00:15:08,866 --> 00:15:11,577 Ah, I'm just a Q without a U. 366 00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:12,536 Mm. 367 00:15:26,342 --> 00:15:28,093 (chuckling) 368 00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:30,054 (chuckling continues) 369 00:15:30,679 --> 00:15:31,513 Hello? 370 00:15:31,972 --> 00:15:32,848 Mailman? 371 00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:40,230 These are the women who saw your videotape 372 00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:41,273 and are interested. 373 00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:43,442 And feel free to root around In the one-nighter bin. 374 00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:45,861 The bin is spoken for. 375 00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,529 Are you going to call all those women? 376 00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:50,282 No, the tapes will do just fine, thank you. 377 00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:51,742 Homer, I'm having second thoughts. 378 00:15:51,825 --> 00:15:54,119 This feels so disloyal to Maude. 379 00:15:54,203 --> 00:15:55,704 Oh, wake up, Ned. 380 00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,539 You think Maude isn't dating in heaven? 381 00:15:57,623 --> 00:15:58,457 You think she would? 382 00:15:58,540 --> 00:15:59,625 How could she not. 383 00:15:59,708 --> 00:16:01,961 The place is full of eligible bachelors. 384 00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:05,798 John Wayne, Tupac Shakur, Sherlock Holmes... 385 00:16:05,881 --> 00:16:08,050 (chuckles) Sherlock Holmes was just a character. 386 00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:09,343 He sure is. 387 00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:10,761 (sexy growl) 388 00:16:10,844 --> 00:16:12,262 FLANDERS: OK, here goes nothing. 389 00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:13,222 (inserts videotape) 390 00:16:13,597 --> 00:16:14,640 WOMAN: If you select me, 391 00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:16,600 you'll get a lot more than a Wharton MBA 392 00:16:16,684 --> 00:16:18,227 pulling in 200K. 393 00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:20,813 You'll get a woman who's poised, articulate, 394 00:16:20,896 --> 00:16:22,398 sophisticated, confident, 395 00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:23,816 and highly sexual. 396 00:16:23,899 --> 00:16:25,025 Hang on, I'm getting a fax. 397 00:16:26,902 --> 00:16:28,445 Damn, I've just been indicted. 398 00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:30,114 Looks like we're going to have to reschedule. 399 00:16:30,197 --> 00:16:31,657 -How's your July? -Well, I-- 400 00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:33,492 Mine's terrible. Let's talk in August. 401 00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:35,119 (sighs) 402 00:16:36,912 --> 00:16:37,746 Mmm... 403 00:16:38,497 --> 00:16:40,666 Dinner was delicious, Edna. 404 00:16:40,749 --> 00:16:42,418 But I can't shake the feeling 405 00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:43,669 that you're just using me 406 00:16:43,752 --> 00:16:45,462 to get Principal Skinner jealous. 407 00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:47,006 Oh, please. 408 00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:50,843 I don't care what Mr. Engaged-to-be-engaged thinks. 409 00:16:50,926 --> 00:16:51,760 Hear that, Seymour? 410 00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,178 SKINNER (over phone): Edna, this is childish. 411 00:16:53,262 --> 00:16:54,221 Fine, then hang up. 412 00:16:54,304 --> 00:16:56,181 SKINNER (over phone): I will hang up when he leaves. 413 00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:57,391 (sighs) 414 00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:01,145 Well, Diane, I've sure enjoyed chatting with you 415 00:17:01,228 --> 00:17:02,730 about your problems with your mother. 416 00:17:03,188 --> 00:17:04,982 Did you hear that, Foofie? 417 00:17:05,065 --> 00:17:06,859 Sounds like somebody loves us. 418 00:17:06,942 --> 00:17:08,444 -(chuckles) -DIANE: Yes, he does. 419 00:17:08,527 --> 00:17:11,572 Yeah, well, maybe I'll call you again sometime. 420 00:17:11,655 --> 00:17:15,159 Ooh, Foofie doesn't like the sound of that "maybe" 421 00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:17,578 'cause him's a commitment dog. 422 00:17:17,661 --> 00:17:18,912 Isn't him? 423 00:17:18,996 --> 00:17:21,749 (panicks) 424 00:17:25,669 --> 00:17:27,379 {\an8}So how'd you do tonight, Romeo? 425 00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:30,424 Well, I just can't relate to the women of today, Homer. 426 00:17:30,841 --> 00:17:31,800 Ah, it's probably me. 427 00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:34,053 I'm about as exciting as a baked potato. 428 00:17:34,136 --> 00:17:36,055 You're darn right you are. 429 00:17:36,138 --> 00:17:38,557 And you've got lots of other great qualities, too. 430 00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:39,808 That's right, Ned. 431 00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:42,978 Those floozies we married in Vegas were crazy about you. 432 00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:44,980 What floozies? What are you talking... 433 00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,399 Marge, we're trying to help Ned. 434 00:17:48,692 --> 00:17:50,027 Lord, I never question you, 435 00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:50,944 but I've been wondering 436 00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:53,280 if your decision to take Maude was... 437 00:17:53,363 --> 00:17:55,199 well, wrong. 438 00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:58,410 Unless this is part of your divine plan. 439 00:17:58,494 --> 00:18:01,121 Oh... could you just give me some kind of sign? 440 00:18:02,706 --> 00:18:03,624 Anything? 441 00:18:05,292 --> 00:18:08,212 Oh, and after all that church chocolate I bought, 442 00:18:08,295 --> 00:18:11,048 which by the way, was gritty 443 00:18:11,131 --> 00:18:13,634 and had that white stuff on it. (sniffles) 444 00:18:13,717 --> 00:18:14,551 Well, I've had it. 445 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:24,353 Daddy, get up. You'll be late for church. 446 00:18:24,436 --> 00:18:26,063 Well, you boys can go with the Simpsons. 447 00:18:26,146 --> 00:18:27,439 I'm not going to church today. 448 00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:29,066 -(both gasping) -That's right. 449 00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:31,151 And I may not go to church tomorrow. 450 00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:33,737 (both screaming) 451 00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:35,364 No, I'm not kidding. 452 00:18:35,697 --> 00:18:37,699 I am going to sit right here and miss church. 453 00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:40,160 You just watch. 454 00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:43,580 Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry... 455 00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:48,961 While our organist is on a much-needed vacation, 456 00:18:49,044 --> 00:18:50,546 we thought we'd try something new. 457 00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:52,840 So get down and put your knees together 458 00:18:52,923 --> 00:18:56,969 for the Christian Rock Stylings of... Kovenant. 459 00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:03,100 Hey, isn't that the bass player from Satanica? 460 00:19:03,183 --> 00:19:04,810 I think it is. 461 00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:07,104 (tires screech) 462 00:19:09,022 --> 00:19:11,608 (gasps) Electric guitars in church? 463 00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:12,609 Oh, my gosh. 464 00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:14,903 Some dropouts must have overpowered the reverend. 465 00:19:17,906 --> 00:19:21,243 This is a love song about a dude I met in a sleazy motel. 466 00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:23,745 -(gasps) -A dude named God. 467 00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:25,247 Ohh... 468 00:19:26,623 --> 00:19:29,376 ♪ In a motel room in Delacroix ♪ 469 00:19:29,459 --> 00:19:31,753 ♪ I was drinkin' like a Dartmouth boy ♪ 470 00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:34,006 ♪ And thinkin' 'bout the wrong turns ♪ 471 00:19:34,089 --> 00:19:34,965 ♪ That I took ♪ 472 00:19:35,048 --> 00:19:35,924 (snoring) 473 00:19:36,258 --> 00:19:39,094 ♪ Well, I woke up on the puke-green floor ♪ 474 00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,388 ♪ And opened up a dresser drawer ♪ 475 00:19:41,471 --> 00:19:45,684 ♪ A-lookin' for a bottle, but instead I found a book ♪ 476 00:19:46,226 --> 00:19:47,561 She's talking about the Bible. 477 00:19:47,644 --> 00:19:48,729 So? She's good-looking. 478 00:19:48,812 --> 00:19:50,022 -Shut up. -You shut up. 479 00:19:51,773 --> 00:19:53,442 ♪ A book about a man ♪ 480 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,570 ♪ A book about the dude who lives above ♪ 481 00:19:56,653 --> 00:19:58,322 ♪ A book about a man ♪ 482 00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:03,410 ♪ Who drives a pickup full of sweet, sweet love ♪ 483 00:20:03,493 --> 00:20:05,787 (humming) 484 00:20:06,538 --> 00:20:09,208 ♪ Now if you think he doesn't care ♪ 485 00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:11,543 ♪ Or maybe that he isn't there ♪ 486 00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:14,922 ♪ It's not too late to see how wrong you are ♪ 487 00:20:16,298 --> 00:20:18,759 ♪ So when your soul has gone astray ♪ 488 00:20:18,842 --> 00:20:21,053 ♪ Just let God be your triple-a ♪ 489 00:20:21,136 --> 00:20:23,263 ♪ He'll tow you to salvation ♪ 490 00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:26,058 ♪ And he'll overhaul your heart ♪ 491 00:20:30,854 --> 00:20:32,272 Glad you made it, Ned. 492 00:20:32,773 --> 00:20:33,982 I knew he would. 493 00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:37,778 (grunting) 494 00:20:38,278 --> 00:20:39,696 I'll be right back, boys. 495 00:20:39,780 --> 00:20:41,031 I'm going to go help that lady. 496 00:20:41,657 --> 00:20:43,158 Homer, you help, too. 497 00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:45,744 I toileth not on ye sabbath, woman. 498 00:20:45,827 --> 00:20:47,788 -A pox on thee. -Hmm. 499 00:20:49,456 --> 00:20:51,583 {\an8}(grunting) 500 00:20:53,210 --> 00:20:55,254 Ah, that was a lovely song. (chuckles) 501 00:20:55,671 --> 00:20:57,089 It really got to me. 502 00:20:57,172 --> 00:20:58,966 Been through some rough times yourself? 503 00:20:59,299 --> 00:21:01,009 I... I recently lost my wife. 504 00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:03,595 (gasps) I'm real sorry to hear that. 505 00:21:03,679 --> 00:21:05,097 We just lost our drummer. 506 00:21:05,180 --> 00:21:07,224 {\an8}To a Pentecostal ska band. 507 00:21:07,307 --> 00:21:08,892 {\an8}Uh, I mean I know it's not the same but... 508 00:21:08,976 --> 00:21:10,143 No, I hear what you're saying. 509 00:21:10,227 --> 00:21:12,062 It's always hard to replace someone. 510 00:21:12,396 --> 00:21:13,272 Yeah. 511 00:21:13,355 --> 00:21:14,856 My name's Rachel Jordan. 512 00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:17,859 If you feel like talking, maybe we could grab a coffee. 513 00:21:17,943 --> 00:21:20,612 Well, that... that sounds real nice, Rachel, but, uh... 514 00:21:20,988 --> 00:21:22,948 I'm (clears throat) I'm not quite... 515 00:21:23,031 --> 00:21:24,366 {\an8}I understand. 516 00:21:25,409 --> 00:21:26,743 {\an8}Listen, we're heading out on tour 517 00:21:26,827 --> 00:21:28,829 {\an8}with the Monsters of Christian Rock. 518 00:21:28,912 --> 00:21:31,164 Maybe when we get back, you and I could get together. 519 00:21:31,248 --> 00:21:32,416 (chuckles) Maybe we can. 520 00:21:32,833 --> 00:21:34,501 My name is Ned Flanders 521 00:21:34,584 --> 00:21:36,086 And I'm here every week. 522 00:21:36,753 --> 00:21:38,547 Rain or shine. 523 00:21:44,344 --> 00:21:46,263 ♪ it's a show about Ned ♪ 524 00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:49,391 ♪ About him losin' his sweet wife ♪ 525 00:21:49,474 --> 00:21:51,059 ♪ She landed on her head ♪ 526 00:21:51,518 --> 00:21:53,645 ♪ But now it's time to get on ♪ 527 00:21:53,729 --> 00:21:56,356 ♪ With his life ♪ 528 00:21:58,150 --> 00:21:59,484 (theme music playing) 529 00:22:25,302 --> 00:22:26,345 Shh! 530 00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:31,266 Captioned by Visual Data Media Services