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CHORUS: ♪ <i>The Simpsons </i>♪

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(theme music playing)

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(bell ringing)

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(whistle blows)

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(beeping)

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(playing the blues)

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(jazzy solo)

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(chimes)

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(tires screeching)

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(honking horn)

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D'oh!

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(screaming)

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(tires screeching)

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{\an8}ANNOUNCER: <i>You're watching PBS.</i>

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{\an8}<i>You're </i>watching PBS?

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{\an8}Hey, I'm as surprised as you,

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{\an8}but I've stumbled upon
the most delicious British sitcom.

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{\an8}<i>Do shut up?</i>

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{\an8}It's about a hard-drinking

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{\an8}yet loving family of soccer hooligans.

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{\an8}If they're not having a go with a bird,

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{\an8}they're having a row with a wanker.

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{\an8}Cheeky.

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{\an8}(punk rock playing)

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{\an8}<i>♪ A no feelings ♪</i>

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{\an8}<i>♪ A no feelings... ♪</i>

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{\an8}Jolly sodding Xmas, Major.

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{\an8}Choke on it!

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{\an8}(both laughing)

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{\an8}Ohh, crikey!

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{\an8}You gave me a smash
on the noggin <i>last </i>year.

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{\an8}Not in my parlor, you don't!

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{\an8}-Me eye!
-I'm scalded, I am!

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{\an8}(both laughing)

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{\an8}The mother's the voice of reason.

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{\an8}Here come the cricket bats.

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{\an8}You don't have the cobbles.

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{\an8}(chuckling)

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{\an8}Classic.

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{\an8}Not hard to see why it's

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{\an8}England's longest-running series.

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{\an8}And, today, we're showing
all seven episodes.

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{\an8}Hey, what the hell's going on?

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{\an8}If you like great PBS programs

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{\an8}like <i>Do Shut Up </i>and <i>Shut Your Gob,</i>

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{\an8}you'll want to support our pledge drive.

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{\an8}BART: Pledge drive? Ugh!

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{\an8}That's right, Betty White.

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{\an8}Absolutely.

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{\an8}If you watch even one second
of PBS and don't contribute,

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{\an8}you are a thief.

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{\an8}A common thief.

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{\an8}OK, take it easy, Betty.

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{\an8}Sorry, but these thieves
make me so damn mad.

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{\an8}You know who you are.
Thieves!

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<i>You're </i>mad? Where's my show?

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And now it's time to go back
to <i>Do Shut Up.</i>

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-HOMER: Finally.
-But first...

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-Oh!
-With your donation,

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{\an8}you'll receive this classic PBS tote bag.

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{\an8}Or this umbrella featuring a picture

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{\an8}of our classic tote bag.

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And the next 20 callers will
get this album of museum noises.

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Now your music room
can sound just like

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The Metropolitan Museum in New York.

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(footsteps)

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(museum guard clearing throat)

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Outstanding.

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Why are you torturing me?

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I'm just a man!

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You know, I've worked with so many

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legendary actors over the years

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who could be counted
on to "phone it in."

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Well, now, it's <i>your </i>turn

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{\an8}to phone it in-- your pledge, that is.

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Please. Please!

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We're only $10,000 away
from returning to our show.

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Well, why didn't you say so?

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(phone ringing)

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Yes, I'd like to pledge $10,000

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to get them to shut up.

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From anonymous.

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Done and done.

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Dad, you don't have $10,000.

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Aw, how they going to find me?

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Folks, we just reached
our goal of $10,700,

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and it's all thanks
to one generous caller

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who didn't leave his name.

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(laughing)

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But thanks to Insta-Trace,

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we learned it's Homer Simpson,
of 742 Evergreen Terrace.

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(screams) Oh, why did I
register with Insta-Trace?

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Our pledge-enforcement van
will be at his house in moments.

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Uh-oh. You got to help me, Bart.

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That's it, boy. Go get help.

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D-oh!

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OK, Homer, don't panic.

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Let me do the talking.

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Here he is, folks--

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The man who saved PBS--
Homer Simpson!

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(crowd cheering)

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Mom, Dad's on PBS.

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Hmm? They don't show
police chases, do they?

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<i>Um... It's an honor to give $10,000.</i>

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<i>Especially now, when the rich</i>
<i>mosaic of cable programming</i>

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<i>has made public television</i>
<i>so very, very unnecessary.</i>

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(clapping)

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From now on, one of us always stays home.

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Agreed.

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Well said, Homer.

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And now for the moment of generosity.

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Will cash be OK?

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Absolutely.

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Well, then we got a problem.
The banks are closed by now.

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It's 12:15.

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Maybe your movie star banks
are open crazy hours,

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but we in Springfield are simple folk.

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We like our cars fast
and our banks closed.

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OK, fine, we'll go down there,

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but they're not going to be open.

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Yeah... It's a real ghost town
in there.

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Get in there.

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I'd like to withdraw $10,000, please.

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"You are on television.

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Please play along."

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Are you robbing me?

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I'll pay you later.

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Um, is there a problem, Mr. Simpson?

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Uh. Why, no.

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Everything is just...

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(sputtering)

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Oh! I can't do it!

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I can't kill a man.

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(sputtering)

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You don't have the money,
do you, Homer?

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Mm-mmm.

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And you thought you could
stab your problems away?

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Mm-hmm.

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Silly goose. Why didn't you say so?

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Get him, boys.

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Ah! The hooligans!

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Bash his eyes out!

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(screams)

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(groans)

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(clamoring)

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It's a beautiful day

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to kick your ass!

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You die now!

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(groans)

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(groans)

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(squawking)

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Bingo!

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Sanctuary!

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Sanctuary!

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Oh, why did I teach him that word?

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Quick, you got
to hide me from PBS.

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Their bloodthirsty pursuit
is made possible

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by a grant from the Chubb Group.

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Give us the money!

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Elmo knows where you live.

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Please help me. I'll do anything.

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I'll light a candle.

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I'll help with your next charity scam.

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The word is "drive."

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Sure, sure. Bob's your uncle.

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Let's just get out of here.

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Open the door!

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(crowd yelling)

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(clears throat)
Nothing to see here, people.

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Just headed down to the dump

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with these children's letters to god.

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(squeals)

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We'll send you someplace safe

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till the heat dies down.

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Great, but why am I on a plane?

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Homer, how would you like
to be a missionary

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in the South Pacific?

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South Pacific? I didn't agree to...

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(groans)

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Wa-Wait! I'm no missionary.

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I don't even believe in Jebus.

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Let me out!

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Sorry. No can do.

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Oh, save me, Jebus!

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Mmm.

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(chuckling)

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Ah!

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Mmm...

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(smacking)

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Well... little piece there.

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(smacking) Mmm.

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(clears throat)

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So, you said on the phone

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you had something to tell me?

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Hmm? Oh, yes.

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-Your husband's in Microatia.
-(gasps)

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Microatia?

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That's 12,000 miles away.

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Uh-huh. He needed
to get away for a while.

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I suggested missionary work,
and he jumped at the idea.

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Missionary work?

202
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He's dead, isn't he?

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No, no. You can even keep
in touch with him

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on this ham radio.

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HOMER: <i>Jebus, where are you?</i>

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<i>Homer to Jebus.</i>

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(groaning) <i>Oh...</i>

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(groans) Oh.

209
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This doesn't look so bad.

210
00:09:15,304 --> 00:09:17,139
Aw... Hi, there, little fella.

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(mumbles)

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00:09:19,350 --> 00:09:21,143
(gasping in horror)

213
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Welcome aboard, brother.

214
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You must be Homer.

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00:09:27,149 --> 00:09:28,609
I'm Craig. That's Amy.

216
00:09:29,026 --> 00:09:30,069
Well, see ya.

217
00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:31,028
You're leaving?

218
00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:32,572
Wait! What do I do here?

219
00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:34,282
First of all, forget everything

220
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you learned in missionary school.

221
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Done.

222
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We taught them some English

223
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:40,788
and ridiculed away most of their beliefs.

224
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So, you can take it from there. Bye.

225
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:44,750
Don't let the bed bugs bite.

226
00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:46,377
Seriously.

227
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Me Homer.

228
00:09:53,634 --> 00:09:55,595
Me hiding from PBS.

229
00:09:55,678 --> 00:09:58,889
I am Qtoktok, and this is Ak.

230
00:10:01,183 --> 00:10:02,727
Welcome, Reverend Homer.

231
00:10:02,810 --> 00:10:05,062
We look forward to learning
about the Bible from you.

232
00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:07,732
Here you go. Knock yourself out.

233
00:10:07,815 --> 00:10:08,816
We cannot read.

234
00:10:08,899 --> 00:10:10,943
Oh! Does the word "jet lag"

235
00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:12,403
mean anything to you people?

236
00:10:12,486 --> 00:10:14,488
HOMER: Jet... lag.

237
00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:17,825
(Homer slurping)

238
00:10:17,908 --> 00:10:20,119
Are you enjoying your ox testicle?

239
00:10:20,202 --> 00:10:22,163
Oh, yes. Very much so.

240
00:10:22,246 --> 00:10:23,205
Really?

241
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,791
You sure you wouldn't
rather have a coconut?

242
00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:27,710
(chuckling) They're delicious.

243
00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:28,628
No. I'm good.

244
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:32,423
Um...

245
00:10:32,757 --> 00:10:34,717
Hey, what happened
to all the shirtless girls

246
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,594
you see in all
the geographical magazines?

247
00:10:36,677 --> 00:10:39,555
Craig and Amy gave us the gift of shame.

248
00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:42,475
All the naked women are on that island.

249
00:10:42,558 --> 00:10:43,976
(women giggling)

250
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:46,145
Yeah, anything
goes over there. (chuckles)

251
00:10:46,228 --> 00:10:47,146
Bouncy, bouncy.

252
00:10:47,229 --> 00:10:48,481
-Ah!
-(rumbling)

253
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:50,191
What was that?

254
00:10:50,274 --> 00:10:51,734
Oh, we call that...

255
00:10:51,817 --> 00:10:55,154
(gagging)

256
00:10:55,529 --> 00:10:57,448
Sorry, fishbone in my throat.

257
00:10:57,531 --> 00:10:58,783
We call that "earthquake."

258
00:10:58,866 --> 00:11:01,702
Great. Now my
testicle's got ants on it.

259
00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:05,831
Thanks, sweetheart.

260
00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:06,874
Have a Bible.

261
00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:08,501
My name's Homer.

262
00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:09,418
What's yours?

263
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:12,004
I am Oovilu-Eeoo-Kitana-Wanjay.

264
00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:15,758
I'm going to call you Lisa Junior.

265
00:11:16,550 --> 00:11:18,719
So, what do you do
for fun around here?

266
00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:21,514
Craig and Amy were digging a well.

267
00:11:22,181 --> 00:11:24,725
Craig and Amy were
also building a chapel.

268
00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:26,936
"Craig and Amy, Craig and Amy."

269
00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:28,646
Why don't you just
marry Craig and Amy?

270
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,440
I told you we should have asked them.

271
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,275
Oh, how's the TV reception here?

272
00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:34,193
Excellent or...?

273
00:11:34,276 --> 00:11:35,986
T... V?

274
00:11:36,070 --> 00:11:37,113
You don't have TV?

275
00:11:37,571 --> 00:11:39,699
But what will I watch
while I'm sitting on the couch?

276
00:11:39,782 --> 00:11:41,409
Cou-ouch?

277
00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:43,244
No couches either?

278
00:11:43,577 --> 00:11:45,413
Oh, man, I need a beer.

279
00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:48,708
(gasps)

280
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,209
Oh, god! Oh, god!

281
00:11:50,292 --> 00:11:51,502
Oh, god! Oh, god!

282
00:11:51,585 --> 00:11:52,878
NATIVES: Oh, god, oh, god.

283
00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:54,380
Oh, god, oh, god.

284
00:11:59,176 --> 00:12:00,511
(grunting)

285
00:12:00,594 --> 00:12:01,762
(smacking)

286
00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:03,848
Nothing.

287
00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:06,350
Here we go.

288
00:12:07,101 --> 00:12:08,477
Ee... Yeah.

289
00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:10,229
(Marge's voice) Homer?

290
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:11,605
Homer!

291
00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:13,399
Huh? What the...?

292
00:12:13,482 --> 00:12:15,609
Hello! Hello! Hello!

293
00:12:16,026 --> 00:12:17,820
<i>Is there anybody in there?</i>

294
00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:19,238
Marge!

295
00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:22,032
Homer, are you all right?

296
00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:24,160
I guess so, but that first month
was pretty rough.

297
00:12:24,243 --> 00:12:25,911
You've only been gone two days.

298
00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:28,330
Really? Without TV, it's hard to know

299
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,166
when one day begins and the other ends.

300
00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:31,250
I miss you, Dad.

301
00:12:31,333 --> 00:12:33,127
Mom won't let me read
<i>Hagar the Horrible.</i>

302
00:12:33,210 --> 00:12:35,254
I just don't think it's funny.

303
00:12:35,337 --> 00:12:38,048
Mmm, I can see the house
is falling apart without me

304
00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:39,300
so here's the new order:

305
00:12:39,383 --> 00:12:41,385
<i>-Bart, you're the man of the house.</i>
-Mmm.

306
00:12:41,469 --> 00:12:42,970
-HOMER: <i>Lisa, I'm promoting you to boy.</i>
-(growls)

307
00:12:43,387 --> 00:12:45,139
HOMER: <i>Maggie's now the brainy girl.</i>

308
00:12:45,222 --> 00:12:46,557
<i>The toaster can fill in for Maggie.</i>

309
00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:48,893
<i>And, Marge, you're a consultant.</i>

310
00:12:48,976 --> 00:12:49,977
(groans) Oh...

311
00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:51,937
-Dad?
-Yes, boy?

312
00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:54,690
I just want to tell you
how proud I am that you're showing

313
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,275
an interest in your fellow man.

314
00:12:56,358 --> 00:12:57,735
Really?

315
00:12:58,110 --> 00:12:59,153
You're proud of me?

316
00:12:59,236 --> 00:13:00,362
Oh, yes.

317
00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:03,115
The whole town thinks
you're a real humanitarian.

318
00:13:03,199 --> 00:13:05,534
Ned Flanders is green with envy.

319
00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:07,703
Oh, <i>really?</i>

320
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:11,665
Well, if you'll excuse me,
I've got some civilization

321
00:13:11,749 --> 00:13:14,293
to spread like butter
on the English muffin

322
00:13:14,376 --> 00:13:18,214
that is these people, with all
their little nooks and crannies.

323
00:13:18,297 --> 00:13:20,174
Dad, are you licking toads?

324
00:13:20,257 --> 00:13:22,134
I'm not not licking toads.

325
00:13:22,718 --> 00:13:24,136
Well, it's time to get to work.

326
00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:27,056
Humanitarian Homer Simpson,
over and out.

327
00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:27,973
(static)

328
00:13:29,099 --> 00:13:30,059
(croaking)

329
00:13:30,434 --> 00:13:32,436
Ah... Um...

330
00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:34,480
-(croaks)
-(chuckles)

331
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:36,774
Gather 'round, everyone.

332
00:13:36,857 --> 00:13:39,109
I'm going to teach you about religion.

333
00:13:39,193 --> 00:13:41,445
NATIVES: Oh, god,
oh, god, oh, god.

334
00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:43,697
Please, please, that's not necessary.

335
00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:45,741
I'm just God's messenger.

336
00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:49,453
{\an8}And lo,
what a wondrous message it is.

337
00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:53,833
{\an8}Like this,
from the book of... P-salms.

338
00:13:54,291 --> 00:13:57,378
{\an8}God will shatter the heads
of his enemies.

339
00:13:57,461 --> 00:14:01,131
{\an8}The hairy crown of those
who walk in their guilty ways.

340
00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:03,384
{\an8}That you may bathe
your feet in blood.

341
00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:07,763
As true today as it was
when it was written.

342
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,515
Now, let's open it up
to some "Q" and "A."

343
00:14:10,307 --> 00:14:11,976
Yes, Lisa Junior?

344
00:14:12,434 --> 00:14:14,436
Amy said there are lots of religions.

345
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:15,604
Which is the right one?

346
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:16,981
Well, not the Unitarians.

347
00:14:17,064 --> 00:14:19,316
If that's the one true faith,
I'll eat my hat.

348
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,819
Um, if the Lord is all powerful

349
00:14:22,152 --> 00:14:24,572
why does he care whether
we worship him or not?

350
00:14:25,489 --> 00:14:26,532
Ak just saying.

351
00:14:26,615 --> 00:14:28,784
Well, Ak, it's because

352
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:31,704
God is powerful but also insecure

353
00:14:31,787 --> 00:14:34,790
like Barbra Streisand before James Brolin.

354
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,625
Oh, he's been a rock.

355
00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:40,296
Oh, who am I kidding?

356
00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:42,006
The truth is, I'm no missionary.

357
00:14:42,089 --> 00:14:44,049
I work in a nuclear power plant.

358
00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:47,720
Ooh, tell us all you know
about nuclear power.

359
00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:52,266
Look, the point is, I want to help

360
00:14:52,349 --> 00:14:54,351
but you don't need a well or a chapel

361
00:14:54,435 --> 00:14:55,978
or an immunization center.

362
00:14:56,061 --> 00:14:58,397
What you need is a little razzle-dazzle.

363
00:14:58,480 --> 00:14:59,356
(snaps fingers)

364
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:02,276
Qtoktok, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

365
00:15:02,359 --> 00:15:03,277
I am Ak.

366
00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:04,987
Hey, that's great.

367
00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:06,030
Now let's get to work.

368
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:10,326
Now, if <i>the Flintstones</i>
has taught us anything

369
00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:13,245
it's that pelicans
can be used to mix cement.

370
00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:15,414
Come on, little friend,
make a wisecrack.

371
00:15:15,497 --> 00:15:18,334
You know, "it's a living,"
that sort of thing.

372
00:15:19,293 --> 00:15:20,377
Oopsie.

373
00:15:24,131 --> 00:15:25,841
-Hiya, Homer.
-That's not Homer.

374
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:28,093
It's got to be.
He's parking in Homer's space.

375
00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:33,682
Well, time to get to work.

376
00:15:34,058 --> 00:15:35,017
(sighs)

377
00:15:35,517 --> 00:15:36,352
-Simpson.
-D-ah!

378
00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:37,645
I've just reviewed your ten-year

379
00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:40,356
performance record,
and it's appalling.

380
00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:41,523
But I'm not Homer Simpson.

381
00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:43,901
I think I know
who Homer Simpson is.

382
00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:45,611
{\an8}In ten short years,

383
00:15:45,694 --> 00:15:47,905
you've caused 17 meltdowns.

384
00:15:47,988 --> 00:15:49,406
-One is too many.
-Yeah, but...

385
00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:50,908
You sold weapons-grade plutonium

386
00:15:50,991 --> 00:15:53,327
-to the Iraqis with no markup.
-But...

387
00:15:53,410 --> 00:15:54,870
And worst of all, you took

388
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,538
the Hamburglar's birthday off

389
00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:58,958
last Monday and Wednesday.
Which is it?

390
00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:00,918
(sighs) Now my voice is giving out

391
00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:03,420
so I'm just going to poke you
for the next hour or so.

392
00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:04,338
-(grunts)
-(groans)

393
00:16:04,421 --> 00:16:06,131
-(groans)
-(grunts)

394
00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:08,258
(groaning)

395
00:16:08,676 --> 00:16:11,345
Friends, when I came here
one month ago

396
00:16:11,428 --> 00:16:14,473
this seemed like a strange
and frightening place.

397
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:16,767
But now I've learned to love
this island

398
00:16:16,850 --> 00:16:17,851
-as my second--
-(chopper blades whirring)

399
00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:18,852
A plane!

400
00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:21,313
Stop! Get me off this stinking rock!

401
00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:22,564
(sighs)

402
00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:26,652
Anyhow, I'm about to share
with you a modern-day miracle--

403
00:16:26,735 --> 00:16:28,904
Something that has revitalized cities

404
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:31,573
from east St. Louis
to Biloxi, Mississippi--

405
00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:36,704
The magic medicine of...
casino gambling!

406
00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:41,959
"The Lucky Savage?"

407
00:16:42,042 --> 00:16:43,919
It could be <i>you.</i>

408
00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:46,588
Check it out.

409
00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:47,840
There's Island Blackjack,

410
00:16:47,923 --> 00:16:48,841
Island Craps,

411
00:16:48,924 --> 00:16:50,259
Island Texas hold them...

412
00:16:50,342 --> 00:16:51,343
But if like me--

413
00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:53,053
you're mesmerized by pretty colors

414
00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:54,263
and spinning things--

415
00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:55,973
you'll prefer roulette.

416
00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:58,142
Four sand dollars
on number six, please.

417
00:17:04,565 --> 00:17:05,524
So, how you doing?

418
00:17:05,607 --> 00:17:06,525
Staying out of trouble?

419
00:17:06,608 --> 00:17:07,443
Yes, sir.

420
00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:09,361
-Number six.
-Whoo-hoo!

421
00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:12,281
HOMER: D-oh!

422
00:17:12,364 --> 00:17:15,659
Now, over here, I've brewed up
my favorite beverage, beer.

423
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:18,787
It's mostly Dristan and holy water,
but it does the job.

424
00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:21,957
Mmm, <i>ooga booga.</i>

425
00:17:22,499 --> 00:17:23,667
(clamoring)

426
00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:25,085
So, have fun, everybody.

427
00:17:25,169 --> 00:17:26,462
And who knows?

428
00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:29,006
Maybe you'll hit the jackpot,
get off this island

429
00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:32,801
and spend the rest of your days
in a tropical paradise.

430
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:34,428
(murmuring assent)

431
00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:42,978
Homer, I'm so impressed.

432
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:45,355
Everything you're doing
sounds so rewarding.

433
00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:47,733
Oh, you should have seen
their faces, honey.

434
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:50,527
Now I know how Bob Stupak feels.

435
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:53,906
(whistling happily)

436
00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:56,492
Is everybody happy?

437
00:17:56,575 --> 00:17:57,826
(natives shouting)

438
00:18:04,208 --> 00:18:05,292
(sighs)

439
00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:07,628
Oh, my god.

440
00:18:08,253 --> 00:18:10,798
(slurring) How can
Ace be one <i>and </i>11?

441
00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:12,132
Huh?

442
00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:14,051
What kind of god
would allow that?

443
00:18:14,134 --> 00:18:15,969
(grunting weakly)

444
00:18:17,596 --> 00:18:18,514
(groans)

445
00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:23,811
(gasps)

446
00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:25,687
Oh, what happened?

447
00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,606
I gave you a glittering Vegas

448
00:18:27,689 --> 00:18:31,276
and you turned it
into a skanky Atlantic city.

449
00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:33,487
Your alcohol and inexpensive buffets

450
00:18:33,570 --> 00:18:34,446
have corrupted us.

451
00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:36,532
I don't even like macaroni salad

452
00:18:36,865 --> 00:18:38,033
but look at me!

453
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:39,827
(gobbling)

454
00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:44,748
Please help us.

455
00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:46,667
Our island has not been this damaged

456
00:18:46,750 --> 00:18:48,252
since the A-bomb tests.

457
00:18:52,339 --> 00:18:53,590
(sighs)

458
00:18:54,216 --> 00:18:56,677
Guess who I saw
at the supermarket today.

459
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:57,678
Can it wait?

460
00:18:57,761 --> 00:18:58,804
I just got off work.

461
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,764
I'm sorry, honey, I just thought...

462
00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:03,183
Don't you do enough yakking
at the beauty parlor?

463
00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:04,434
That's it, Bart.

464
00:19:04,518 --> 00:19:06,812
You're taking this
man-of-the-house thing too far.

465
00:19:06,895 --> 00:19:09,022
You're right. I'm sorry.
Tell you what--

466
00:19:09,106 --> 00:19:10,482
Saturday night we'll go out for steaks,

467
00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:11,567
just you and me.

468
00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:12,609
Hmm.

469
00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:14,361
A night out is a night out.

470
00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:18,490
(grunting)

471
00:19:19,533 --> 00:19:23,829
{\an8}(speaking native language)

472
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:28,959
Why are you building chapel?

473
00:19:29,042 --> 00:19:31,336
Because you're all terrible sinners.

474
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:32,421
Since when?

475
00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:33,714
Since I got here.

476
00:19:34,047 --> 00:19:36,258
Now, either grab a stone or go to hell.

477
00:19:36,967 --> 00:19:38,093
(all gasping)

478
00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:41,263
(groaning)

479
00:19:44,099 --> 00:19:46,351
HOMER: Well, I may not know
much about God,

480
00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:50,439
but I have to say, we built
a pretty nice cage for him.

481
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:52,232
(chattering)

482
00:19:52,316 --> 00:19:53,692
These are from the children.

483
00:19:53,775 --> 00:19:56,403
Thanks to you, they finally
have a place to pray.

484
00:19:56,486 --> 00:19:57,446
Aw...

485
00:19:57,529 --> 00:20:00,032
And I'm in a gambling program

486
00:20:00,115 --> 00:20:01,241
for real, this time.

487
00:20:01,325 --> 00:20:02,784
How many times must we

488
00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:04,578
go to church to avoid hell?

489
00:20:04,661 --> 00:20:06,955
Every Sunday for the rest of our lives.

490
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:08,123
(laughing)

491
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:09,917
-No, really?
-(bell ringing)

492
00:20:13,754 --> 00:20:16,048
Not bad, Lisa Junior.

493
00:20:16,131 --> 00:20:19,384
But god's palace is
way up on the moon

494
00:20:20,260 --> 00:20:21,887
so if we want him to hear us

495
00:20:22,512 --> 00:20:24,348
we've got to crank up the volume.

496
00:20:25,307 --> 00:20:26,558
You hear me, Lord?

497
00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:28,685
Homer's doing your work.

498
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:31,480
I'm the greatest missionary

499
00:20:31,563 --> 00:20:34,024
(echoing) of all time!

500
00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:40,948
(screaming)

501
00:20:50,207 --> 00:20:51,250
(yells)

502
00:20:56,838 --> 00:20:59,591
Oh, no. This looks like the end.

503
00:21:00,175 --> 00:21:04,054
(screaming)

504
00:21:04,137 --> 00:21:06,098
(chuckling) Oh, that Homer--

505
00:21:06,181 --> 00:21:07,683
Always getting into trouble

506
00:21:07,766 --> 00:21:09,268
and if you're one of the millions

507
00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:10,978
who enjoys his adventures--

508
00:21:11,061 --> 00:21:12,813
Or should I say, misadventures--

509
00:21:12,896 --> 00:21:14,815
It's time to show your support.

510
00:21:15,148 --> 00:21:17,442
Sure, Fox makes
a fortune from advertising,

511
00:21:17,526 --> 00:21:19,319
but it's still not enough.

512
00:21:19,403 --> 00:21:20,612
Not nearly enough.

513
00:21:20,696 --> 00:21:24,199
{\an8}So if you don't want to see
crude, lowbrow programming

514
00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:26,076
{\an8}disappear from the airwaves...

515
00:21:26,576 --> 00:21:28,036
Please, call now.

516
00:21:29,371 --> 00:21:30,330
{\an8}(phone ringing)

517
00:21:30,414 --> 00:21:31,707
Hello. Murdoch here.

518
00:21:33,166 --> 00:21:34,584
Ten thousand dollars?

519
00:21:35,210 --> 00:21:36,628
You've saved my network.

520
00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:38,171
Wouldn't be the first time.

521
00:21:39,381 --> 00:21:40,465
(theme music playing)

522
00:22:25,469 --> 00:22:26,345
Shh.

523
00:22:26,428 --> 00:22:28,513
HOMER: <i>Save me, Jebus</i>!

524
00:22:29,681 --> 00:22:31,683
Captioned by Visual Data Media Services