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CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
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(theme music playing)
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(bell ringing)
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(whistle blows)
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(beeping)
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(playing the blues)
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(jazzy solo)
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(chimes)
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(tires screeching)
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(honking horn)
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D'oh!
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(screaming)
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(tires screeching)
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{\an8}LISA: How much farther
to the campground?
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{\an8}Let's see,
judging from the bug buildup
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{\an8}we're getting close.
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{\an8}I'm not sure mosquito season
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{\an8}is the best time to visit Larva Lake.
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(tires screech)
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{\an8}Folks, you're gonna
want to turn around.
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{\an8}The bugs are firmly in charge.
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{\an8}-What?
-Please, just go.
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{\an8}They've taken the Visitors' Center.
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{\an8}(stammers)
They ate the comment book!
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{\an8}All right. Geez.
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(buzzing)
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(screaming)
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Ay! Hey! My class ring!
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Oh, thanks a lot.
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{\an8}Hey, an Indian casino.
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{\an8}HOMER:
God bless Native America.
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(tires screech)
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{\an8}Let's go, Marge.
Come on, come on, come on.
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{\an8}Homer, you know I had
a gambling problem.
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{\an8}Well, what better place
to celebrate your recovery
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{\an8}than amidst
the frenzied excitement
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{\an8}of the casino floor?
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{\an8}Hmph.
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{\an8}Lisa?
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{\an8}Ah, something troubles me
about Indian gaming.
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On the one hand,
the revenue helps the tribe...
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HOMER: Sure we can't talk you into it?
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-No minors.
-Yeah, but I really want to--
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{\an8}Sorry, son.
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{\an8}Although they seem strange to us
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{\an8}we must respect the ways
of the Indian.
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{\an8}(chanting)
Hi-how-are-ya, hi-how-are-ya,
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{\an8}hi-how-are-ya, hi-how-are-ya.
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{\an8}(sighs)
I got to get in that casino.
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{\an8}The Great Gabbo
demands a free night
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{\an8}in the Presidential Suite
while performing.
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{\an8}We'll give you a free pass
to the pasta bar.
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{\an8}The Great Gabbo
accepts your terms.
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{\an8}(gasps)
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{\an8}(Bart laughs)
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{\an8}Ooh.
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{\an8}(Bart laughing)
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{\an8}Quiet, Gabbo.
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{\an8}I'd like to introduce you
to my little wooden friend.
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{\an8}He's in his box, pining away.
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{\an8}(laughing)
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{\an8}(banging)
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{\an8}Say hello to...
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{\an8}-(breathing heavily)
-(gasping)
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{\an8}Gabbo, you've become a real boy!
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{\an8}All right!
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{\an8}Time for some underage gambling.
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{\an8}So long, sucker.
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{\an8}(exclaims)
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{\an8}Your linen service has broken
many promises to us.
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{\an8}Laundry bills soar like eagle.
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{\an8}Jerk.
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{\an8}So...
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You like to sneak into casinos.
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I wasn't going to gamble.
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I just wanted a Bloody Mary.
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Listen to me.
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Unless you change
your deceitful ways
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I foresee a life of bitterness
and failure for you...
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Bart Simpson.
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How'd you know my name?
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Your father just took out
a second mortgage downstairs.
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You're listed as collateral.
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Oh, I thought maybe you were
some kind of Indian mystic
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who could tell the future.
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Who says I'm not?
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Whoa!
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If you want to see your future
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throw a treasured
personal item into the fire.
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OK. (exclaims)
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(loud pop)
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Not a firecracker!
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Hey, I bought it from a guy
on your reservation.
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That's Crazy Talk.
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-No, it's true.
-No, I know.
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That's my brother, Crazy Talk.
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We're all
a little worried about him.
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Now, look into the flame.
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Look ahead 30 years
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to the man you will become.
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BART: Ew, that's me
in the future?
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CASINO MANAGER: Quiet.
You're about to say something.
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{\an8}(belches)
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Check, check.
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Hello, Capital City.
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Oh, way to make a guitar, Sears.
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Hey, Bart, any clean towels?
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Nah. Use this.
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I'm sick of having to dry myself
with a newspaper.
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You could at least do some laundry.
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I pay the rent.
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Dude, you know I'm good for it.
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I'll have plenty of money
when my lawsuit pays off.
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You mean the spider bite
at Disneyland?
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Or the incident
with the over-salted fries.
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(knock at door)
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Hologram for Bart Simpson.
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Hey, dingus, your band
can play at my club tonight.
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Yes!
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But I can only pay you
in popcorn shrimp.
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Smell you later.
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I can't believe "smell you later"
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replaced "good-bye."
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Smell you later.
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-Smell you later.
-Smell you later.
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All right, we got our first gig!
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But you traded your amplifier
for a Boogie Board.
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No prob. I'll just mooch
some green off my folks.
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Should we take the hover bus
or the non-hover bus?
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Non-hover.
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(gulping)
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Bleh! This virtual fudge
tastes like crap.
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Mmm. Mmm. Not half as good
as cyber-fudge.
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Yo, it's me.
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(screams)
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Oh, what a bleak,
horrible future we live in!
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Don't you mean "present"?
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Right, right, present.
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Anyway, can I get you
some Soylent Green?
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Isn't that made of people?
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Oh, here we go.
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Hey, Dad. My band finally got a break.
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I just need a little moolah
to get my amp out of hock.
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How about a little loan-ski?
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Oh, I'm tired of giving you money.
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Why can't you be more like Lisa?
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Ugh. I am so sick of hearing about Lisa.
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Just because she's doing
a little better than me...
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She's President of the United States.
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President-elect.
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I could have been president,
but I'm too real.
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People can't deal with
what I'm laying down.
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They're like, "Whoa, dude,
you can't say that"
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And I'm like, "Watch me."
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We're not giving you money.
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Oh, but I want some.
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You should have thought of that
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before you dropped out
of the DeVry Institute.
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What happened to you, man?
You used to be cool.
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I'm still cool.
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Nah. You've changed, man.
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Well, I do have this robotic prostate,
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but you can't see it.
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Oh, you can.
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(ringing doorbell)
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Flanders is a soft touch.
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He'll give us the money for sure.
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Jesus, is that you?
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Mr. Flanders, you're blind-e-ded.
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Ah, yeah, I never should have
had that trendy laser surgery.
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(laughs) It was great at first,
but, you know,
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at the ten-year mark your eyes fall out.
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-Listen, dude...
-Oh, hi, Bart.
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How much this time?
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Dude, you got me all wrong.
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Yeah. (scoffs)
Just answer me this.
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Are you holding your mooching sack?
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My little one.
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Bart, you're never going to grow up
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if I keep bailing you out.
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Then, please, help me help myself.
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Oh, all right,
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but only because you haven't
outed Rod and Todd.
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Hey, y'all ready to party?
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(electrical crackling)
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(loud feedback)
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Now, we'd like to play
a Jimmy Buffet song,
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but he un-coolly charges
people to cover them.
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So here's a Captain Bart...
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Original.
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(strumming guitar)
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♪ Wasted once more ♪
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♪ In Daquiritaville... ♪
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Rip-off!
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Get off the stage!
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(angry shouting)
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(glass shattering)
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We need more power.
199
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The shield won't hold much longer.
200
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Oh, no, I've got half a beer in there
201
00:08:45,566 --> 00:08:47,193
and Bewitched is on.
202
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Now we've got no home, no money
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and our band's going nowhere
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and it's all your fault.
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Smell you later, Bart.
206
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Smell you later forever.
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00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:00,206
Oh, he's right.
208
00:09:00,289 --> 00:09:01,332
I'm a loser.
209
00:09:01,415 --> 00:09:04,460
There's only one way out of this mess.
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00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:05,836
(electrical surging)
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00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:09,966
{\an8}From around the globe
to your frontal lobe,
212
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:12,009
{\an8}this is Brain Vision News.
213
00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:14,929
{\an8}Tonight's winning lotto number:
4-4-6.
214
00:09:15,012 --> 00:09:16,305
Damn! I was so close.
215
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:17,765
I had 3-2-7.
216
00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:19,892
In other news,
President-elect Lisa Simpson
217
00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:21,519
moves into
the White House tomorrow.
218
00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:24,564
The 17-bedroom home
features free long-distance,
219
00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:27,275
laundry service
and three food kitchens.
220
00:09:28,109 --> 00:09:29,860
So, I'm the President's
no-good brother.
221
00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:31,028
"Moochie-moochie."
222
00:09:33,489 --> 00:09:34,907
Lisa's the President?
223
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:36,534
I'm a pathetic loser?
224
00:09:36,617 --> 00:09:37,702
I got to be honest.
225
00:09:37,785 --> 00:09:39,453
I'm not loving this vision.
226
00:09:39,537 --> 00:09:42,790
The fire has more wisdom
to impart to you
227
00:09:42,873 --> 00:09:44,292
in three, two...
228
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,547
1596...
229
00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:52,800
1598...
230
00:09:55,469 --> 00:09:56,596
1600.
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00:09:57,555 --> 00:09:58,931
Sweet.
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00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:00,266
Excellent question.
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00:10:00,349 --> 00:10:01,517
Yes, I am proud to be
234
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:04,395
America's first straight female president.
235
00:10:04,478 --> 00:10:05,605
-(reporters chattering)
-Helen?
236
00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:08,149
Wasn't I wearing a hat?
237
00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:09,859
Yes. Yes, you were.
238
00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:11,152
Now, in conclusion,
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00:10:11,235 --> 00:10:13,863
my administration will focus
on the three R's--
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Reading, writing,
and refilling the ocean.
241
00:10:16,657 --> 00:10:17,825
Thank you very much.
242
00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:19,368
(shutter clicking)
243
00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:24,457
As you know, we've inherited
244
00:10:24,540 --> 00:10:26,792
quite a budget crunch
from President Trump.
245
00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:28,961
How bad is it,
Secretary Van Houten?
246
00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:31,422
We're broke.
247
00:10:31,505 --> 00:10:33,341
The country is broke?
248
00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:34,675
How can that be?
249
00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:37,470
Well, remember when
the last administration decided
250
00:10:37,553 --> 00:10:39,764
to invest in our nation's children?
251
00:10:39,847 --> 00:10:41,223
Big mistake.
252
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:43,434
The balanced breakfast program
just created a generation
253
00:10:43,517 --> 00:10:45,311
of ultra-strong super criminals.
254
00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:46,520
And midnight basketball taught them
255
00:10:46,604 --> 00:10:48,314
to function without sleep.
256
00:10:48,397 --> 00:10:51,275
What about my pledge to build
the world's largest bookmobile?
257
00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:53,069
Isn't there any money left for that?
258
00:10:53,152 --> 00:10:55,905
No. And we borrowed
from every country in the world.
259
00:10:55,988 --> 00:10:58,157
Quick, Lisa, call off your...
(screams and thuds)
260
00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:00,868
-Bart!
-Ow! Watch the ponytail.
261
00:11:00,951 --> 00:11:02,203
Let him up, please?
262
00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:04,538
What are you doing here?
263
00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:06,540
I knew you'd need some help
keeping it real
264
00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:10,336
so I figured I could be,
like, your... co-president.
265
00:11:10,419 --> 00:11:11,921
Co-president?
266
00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:13,422
Are you crazy?
267
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,841
Mom, Lisa won't share!
268
00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:18,010
Be nice to your brother, Lisa.
269
00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:20,388
(groans)
270
00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:22,723
(Homer chomping loudly)
271
00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:24,392
Don't you think
we should wait for Lisa?
272
00:11:24,475 --> 00:11:25,851
She is the President.
273
00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:28,771
She knows what time dinner is.
(chomping)
274
00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:31,899
("Hail To The Chief" playing)
275
00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:38,280
Sorry I'm late.
I've been racking my brain
276
00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:40,825
trying to think of something
to cut from the budget.
277
00:11:40,908 --> 00:11:43,494
(whistling nonchalantly)
278
00:11:43,577 --> 00:11:45,705
(all chomping)
279
00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:46,997
Hey, where's Maggie?
280
00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:49,291
Here she is...
281
00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:51,252
And look how big she's gotten.
282
00:11:51,335 --> 00:11:54,630
Aw, just like her mommy, Maggie Senior.
283
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:57,717
So, what did everyone do today?
284
00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,135
Appointed a Supreme Court justice.
285
00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:00,136
MARGE: Oh!
286
00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:01,929
-Bewitched marathon.
-MARGE: Mmm.
287
00:12:02,012 --> 00:12:03,431
Searched for Lincoln's gold.
288
00:12:03,514 --> 00:12:05,015
Dad, that's just a myth.
289
00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:07,601
Lincoln didn't hide any gold
in the White House.
290
00:12:07,685 --> 00:12:09,895
Then what is
his ghost protecting?
291
00:12:09,979 --> 00:12:12,940
Hey, that's my helicopter.
292
00:12:13,023 --> 00:12:14,567
Yeah, I sent it to pick up Ralph,
293
00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:15,609
no one was using it.
294
00:12:18,487 --> 00:12:20,281
I fell out two times.
295
00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:23,033
Bart, you do not send
a billion-dollar helicopter
296
00:12:23,117 --> 00:12:24,744
to pick up your drinking buddy.
297
00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:27,121
You've changed, Lisa,
you used to be cool.
298
00:12:27,204 --> 00:12:28,289
No, I didn't.
299
00:12:28,372 --> 00:12:30,541
I am proud to honor
the players of
300
00:12:30,624 --> 00:12:32,126
the Negro Leagues of Rollerball
301
00:12:32,209 --> 00:12:33,252
And as we strive
302
00:12:33,335 --> 00:12:35,838
for the desegregation
of all death sports,
303
00:12:35,921 --> 00:12:37,715
we cannot help but be inspired by...
304
00:12:37,798 --> 00:12:39,008
-BART: Heads.
-(grunts)
305
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:48,726
Hey, you guys owe me
a Frisbee... a new one.
306
00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:50,352
Bart, get out of here.
307
00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:52,354
Relax, Lis, you'll live longer.
308
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:53,856
I can't relax.
309
00:12:53,939 --> 00:12:55,816
Being president is hard work.
310
00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:57,860
Maybe you should try doing
something with your life.
311
00:12:57,943 --> 00:12:59,653
-I'm gonna.
-Yeah, did you even call
312
00:12:59,737 --> 00:13:01,405
about that messenger job?
313
00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:02,615
Yeah, but they said I wouldn't get
314
00:13:02,698 --> 00:13:04,408
my first check for two weeks.
315
00:13:04,492 --> 00:13:07,453
Meanwhile, they're making
major interest on my salary.
316
00:13:07,536 --> 00:13:10,414
-Hey, maybe I could sue 'em.
-(sighs)
317
00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:11,916
HOMER: Four score and four,
318
00:13:11,999 --> 00:13:13,876
four score and five, four score and six,
319
00:13:13,959 --> 00:13:17,671
four score and seven paces.
(grunts)
320
00:13:17,755 --> 00:13:19,799
Wait! How do you know
321
00:13:19,882 --> 00:13:21,717
this is where
Lincoln buried the gold?
322
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:24,720
You just started counting
from an arbitrary place.
323
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:25,888
I started what from a what?
324
00:13:25,971 --> 00:13:28,265
Your plan makes no sense.
325
00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:31,936
Gold bars discovered
by Marge-- Zero.
326
00:13:32,019 --> 00:13:33,854
Gold bars discovered by Homer...
327
00:13:33,938 --> 00:13:35,856
Well, let's just see.
328
00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:38,108
-(grunts)
-Oops. Sorry, honey.
329
00:13:38,192 --> 00:13:39,819
Gold bars discovered by Homer...
330
00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:40,820
Shut up.
331
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:42,696
LISA: If I'm going to bail
the country out,
332
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:44,448
I'll have to raise taxes.
333
00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:46,617
But in my speech, I'd like to avoid
334
00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:49,370
calling it
a "painful emergency tax."
335
00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:52,039
What about
"colossal salary grab"?
336
00:13:52,122 --> 00:13:53,833
See, that has the same problem.
337
00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:55,459
We need to soften the blow.
338
00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:58,420
Well, if you just want
to out-and-out lie...
339
00:13:59,421 --> 00:14:00,631
MILHOUSE: OK.
340
00:14:00,714 --> 00:14:02,174
We could call it
341
00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:04,468
a "temporary refund adjustment."
342
00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:06,387
-I love it.
-Really?
343
00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:08,347
What else do you love, Lisa?
344
00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:09,765
Fiscal solvency.
345
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:11,809
Oh... Yeah. Me, too.
346
00:14:11,892 --> 00:14:13,143
Thirty seconds, Madam President.
347
00:14:13,227 --> 00:14:14,228
Hey, Lis, I need a favor.
348
00:14:14,311 --> 00:14:16,730
Not now, Bart. I'm about
to speak to 100 million people.
349
00:14:16,814 --> 00:14:19,066
This speech could make
or break my presidency.
350
00:14:19,149 --> 00:14:20,985
I hear you.
All I want you to do
351
00:14:21,068 --> 00:14:22,319
is play my demo tape in the background
352
00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:23,904
while you're yakking
about whatever.
353
00:14:23,988 --> 00:14:25,489
Now, this play button
is a little screwed up,
354
00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:26,907
so you got to hold it down.
355
00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:28,492
-Are you insane?
-What?
356
00:14:28,576 --> 00:14:30,494
You told me I should
do something with my life.
357
00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:31,704
Five seconds.
358
00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:33,414
(loud crash)
359
00:14:33,497 --> 00:14:34,540
Mom!
360
00:14:35,916 --> 00:14:38,210
(clears throat)
My fellow Americans
361
00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:40,296
and voting illegal aliens,
362
00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:41,881
I will not mince words.
363
00:14:41,964 --> 00:14:43,841
Your country needs you.
364
00:14:43,924 --> 00:14:47,845
That's why today I'm proposing
a temporary refund adjustment.
365
00:14:47,928 --> 00:14:49,930
"Refund"? Hey,
sounds good to me.
366
00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:51,181
Sure beats a tax.
367
00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:52,975
We love you, President Simpson.
368
00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:55,603
The months ahead will be
long and arduous
369
00:14:55,686 --> 00:14:57,605
But it is only
through arduousity that--
370
00:14:57,688 --> 00:14:58,647
(singing to the tune of
"The Pina Colada Song")
371
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:00,190
♪ If you like refund adjustments ♪
372
00:15:00,274 --> 00:15:02,359
♪ And the music I play ♪
373
00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:04,778
♪ Send a check
to my friend, Ralph ♪
374
00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:06,447
♪ And he'll mail you a tape ♪
375
00:15:06,530 --> 00:15:07,823
(laughs nervously)
376
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:11,243
Uh, this is my brother, Bart,
377
00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:12,620
who doesn't seem to realize
378
00:15:12,703 --> 00:15:14,830
this isn't the best
time for his music.
379
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,790
He's one of the people I want
to help with my programs.
380
00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:19,126
Hey, Lis, my music is gonna
make it a lot easier
381
00:15:19,209 --> 00:15:21,170
for America to swallow
your big tax hike.
382
00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:22,838
-(gasps)
-"Tax hike"?
383
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,048
Hold the phone, Mabel.
384
00:15:24,131 --> 00:15:25,466
You know, I never trusted her.
385
00:15:25,549 --> 00:15:26,467
Don't blame me.
386
00:15:26,550 --> 00:15:28,552
I voted for Chastity Bono.
387
00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:29,511
(singing to the tune of
"Banana Boat Song")
388
00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,513
♪ Daylight come
and you want-a my tape ♪
389
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:34,975
♪ Tape! He say tape-o ♪
390
00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:37,603
♪ Post office box 30452 ♪
391
00:15:37,686 --> 00:15:38,938
Good night, America.
392
00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:40,230
And we're out.
393
00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:42,024
-Why you little...
-(choking)
394
00:15:42,107 --> 00:15:43,943
Help! Secret service!
395
00:15:44,026 --> 00:15:47,863
(gasping and choking)
396
00:15:49,990 --> 00:15:52,451
According to polls,
Americans have emphatically said
397
00:15:52,534 --> 00:15:53,702
"smell you later"
398
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:55,621
to President Simpson's
refund adjustment.
399
00:15:55,704 --> 00:15:57,206
And that's the news.
400
00:15:57,289 --> 00:15:59,041
We'll smell you later at 11:00.
401
00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:01,877
Thanks a lot, Bart.
402
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,671
All right. How do we pay off
our foreign debt?
403
00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:05,589
I'm afraid it looks pretty grim.
404
00:16:05,673 --> 00:16:07,424
We're going to have to give them
the amber waves of grain,
405
00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:09,551
the purple mountains' majesty
and the shores of Tripoli.
406
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:11,095
We don't own the shores of Tripoli.
407
00:16:11,178 --> 00:16:12,471
Shh. By the time they find out
408
00:16:12,554 --> 00:16:14,181
we'll have taken our cyanide pills.
409
00:16:14,264 --> 00:16:15,432
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
410
00:16:15,516 --> 00:16:18,185
Why don't we just invite
our creditor nations here
411
00:16:18,268 --> 00:16:21,188
and gently remind them
of America's past generosity?
412
00:16:21,271 --> 00:16:23,315
-(murmuring agreement)
-Yeah, now that I like.
413
00:16:23,399 --> 00:16:26,110
Oh, but Bart
could screw everything up.
414
00:16:26,193 --> 00:16:27,403
You want him eliminated?
415
00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:28,904
No. Just keep him
out of my hair.
416
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,781
Out of your hair
with extreme severity?
417
00:16:30,864 --> 00:16:32,408
-No.
-Come on. Every president
418
00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:34,243
gets three secret murders.
If you don't use them
419
00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:35,703
by the end of the term...
Pbft! They're gone.
420
00:16:35,786 --> 00:16:36,662
(door opens)
421
00:16:36,745 --> 00:16:37,746
All right, which one of you suits
422
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:38,998
ran over my moped?
423
00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:40,749
I just put a dollar's worth
of gas in that thing.
424
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,126
Bart, we're having a meeting.
425
00:16:42,209 --> 00:16:43,210
You had a meeting this morning.
426
00:16:43,293 --> 00:16:45,629
I have a lot of meetings.
I'm the President.
427
00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:49,133
Of what? The United States
of Dorksylvania? (snickers)
428
00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:51,051
Don't leave me hanging, Greenspan.
429
00:16:53,345 --> 00:16:54,680
You know something, Bart?
430
00:16:54,763 --> 00:16:56,223
You're right. My lack of coolness
431
00:16:56,306 --> 00:16:58,892
is really holding America back.
432
00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:00,811
Thank you. Down low.
433
00:17:00,894 --> 00:17:02,229
Too slow.
434
00:17:02,312 --> 00:17:04,398
(laughs nervously)
You're too much, Bart.
435
00:17:04,481 --> 00:17:08,068
That's why I'm appointing you
Secretary of Keeping It Real.
436
00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:10,529
Wow. You're really asking
for my help?
437
00:17:10,612 --> 00:17:11,655
Absolutely.
438
00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:13,073
I want you and your pals
439
00:17:13,157 --> 00:17:14,575
to go away to Camp David
440
00:17:14,658 --> 00:17:16,744
and write up a report on coolness.
441
00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:19,621
Well, if my country needs me...
442
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:20,622
Can we skinny dip?
443
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:22,791
At Camp David? Sure.
444
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:25,377
They couldn't keep pants on Kissinger.
445
00:17:25,919 --> 00:17:26,837
Phew.
446
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:28,213
(clamoring)
447
00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:29,590
-MAN: Peace, peace.
-BART: Settle down.
448
00:17:29,673 --> 00:17:31,258
Settle down!
449
00:17:31,341 --> 00:17:33,927
I invited you guys here
to help me with this report.
450
00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:35,012
Any ideas?
451
00:17:35,095 --> 00:17:36,972
Let's start off with a joke.
452
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,432
I got one. Give me that.
453
00:17:38,515 --> 00:17:40,184
Uh, "What's the difference
454
00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:42,936
between Pakistan and a pancake?
455
00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:45,856
I don't know any pancakes
that were nuked by India."
456
00:17:45,939 --> 00:17:46,940
Ha-ha.
457
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:49,485
What? Too soon?
458
00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:52,488
Come on, people.
We got to buckle down here.
459
00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:53,447
When we're finished,
460
00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:55,824
we can go through
Bill Clinton's porno stash.
461
00:17:56,533 --> 00:18:00,245
{\an8}(all clamoring excitedly)
462
00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:10,005
(sighs) Lisa's counting on me
for this coolness report.
463
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:11,048
-Coolness report?
-(gasps)
464
00:18:11,131 --> 00:18:13,092
Huh! You been had, boy.
465
00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:14,551
Billy Carter's ghost?
466
00:18:14,635 --> 00:18:16,553
Damn straight,
and I'm here to tell you
467
00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:18,555
you've been sent on a wild goose chase.
468
00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:20,641
You mean Lisa wanted
to get rid of me?
469
00:18:20,724 --> 00:18:22,059
Well, that's a big 10-4.
470
00:18:22,142 --> 00:18:24,269
When my brother Jimmy was making
peace in the Middle East,
471
00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:26,605
He sent me to
Belly Flop Academy.
472
00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:30,567
-I guess I am an embarrassment.
-You sure are.
473
00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:33,320
And, hey, there's
an embarrassment of riches
474
00:18:33,403 --> 00:18:35,072
{\an8}at the Caesar's
Pow-Wow Indian Casino.
475
00:18:35,155 --> 00:18:37,366
{\an8}You can bet on it.
(clicks tongue)
476
00:18:38,867 --> 00:18:40,452
You put an ad in my vision?
477
00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:42,663
Yeah, Crazy Talk came up with that.
478
00:18:42,746 --> 00:18:46,166
He got idea from
Dances with Focus Groups.
479
00:18:46,250 --> 00:18:48,585
(grunting)
480
00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:53,465
Marge, I did it!
I found Lincoln's gold!
481
00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:55,759
-(gasps)
-Huh?
482
00:18:57,761 --> 00:18:59,138
"Dear countryman,
483
00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:00,848
you have come in search
of my gold
484
00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:03,267
-and I will not disappoint you."
-Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.
485
00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:07,396
"My gold is in the heart of
every freedom-loving American."
486
00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:08,897
Aw, crap!
487
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:11,692
"It's in our mighty rivers,
our majestic..."
488
00:19:11,775 --> 00:19:13,485
Well, isn't that clever?
489
00:19:13,569 --> 00:19:15,112
It's a metaphor.
490
00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:18,073
That lying, rail-splitting,
491
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,701
theater-going freak! (groans)
492
00:19:20,784 --> 00:19:22,161
-Pay your debt!
-(speaks French)
493
00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:23,203
We demand remittance.
494
00:19:23,287 --> 00:19:25,122
Please! Calm down.
495
00:19:25,205 --> 00:19:26,707
We can work something out.
496
00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:29,251
(German accent) We Germans
are not a warlike people,
497
00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:31,336
but even we have limits.
498
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:33,130
Right! Let's bash her noggin.
499
00:19:33,213 --> 00:19:34,673
-Yeah, get her!
-That's the spirit!
500
00:19:34,756 --> 00:19:36,842
BART: You guys should relax.
501
00:19:36,925 --> 00:19:38,427
You'll live longer.
502
00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:40,679
Bart, you're supposed
to be at Camp David.
503
00:19:41,096 --> 00:19:42,264
You're meeting with debt collectors
504
00:19:42,347 --> 00:19:43,557
and you don't want my help?
505
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:45,517
Do you know how crazy that is?
506
00:19:45,601 --> 00:19:48,437
Guys, the thing is,
we totally have the money
507
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,272
and we tried to wire it to you,
508
00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:52,316
but you know how banks screw up.
509
00:19:52,399 --> 00:19:54,067
(French accent)
I do not understand.
510
00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:55,861
We tried to call you all day Saturday.
511
00:19:55,944 --> 00:19:57,654
We were there Saturday.
512
00:19:57,738 --> 00:19:58,822
Dude, I know.
513
00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:01,158
I left a message
with some guy named Hans.
514
00:20:01,241 --> 00:20:02,367
Hans?
515
00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:04,536
He might have been a temp.
Very surly.
516
00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:06,455
We have had a lot of turnover.
517
00:20:06,538 --> 00:20:08,290
You pay now. Now!
518
00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:10,334
What happened to you, China.
519
00:20:10,417 --> 00:20:11,585
You used to be cool.
520
00:20:11,668 --> 00:20:13,212
Hey, China is still cool.
521
00:20:13,295 --> 00:20:14,379
You pay later. Later!
522
00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:15,797
Solid. The rest of you,
523
00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:17,674
go on home and look
in your mailboxes,
524
00:20:17,758 --> 00:20:19,843
'cause I totally remember
sending checks out.
525
00:20:19,927 --> 00:20:22,638
(murmuring agreement
in different languages)
526
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:28,352
Thanks, Bart.
527
00:20:28,435 --> 00:20:29,978
You bought us some time.
528
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:31,438
What can I do to thank you?
529
00:20:31,521 --> 00:20:32,606
Legalize it.
530
00:20:32,689 --> 00:20:33,690
Legalize what?
531
00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:38,195
Oh. Oh, consider it done.
532
00:20:38,278 --> 00:20:41,573
Tasty. That calls for some tune-skis.
533
00:20:41,657 --> 00:20:43,242
(pop rock music playing)
534
00:20:43,325 --> 00:20:45,327
-(warped music)
-Oh, great.
535
00:20:45,410 --> 00:20:47,329
Anyone have a paper clip?
536
00:20:50,415 --> 00:20:52,459
It gets kind of hazy after that.
537
00:20:52,542 --> 00:20:54,211
Why did a vision of my future
538
00:20:54,294 --> 00:20:56,630
include a story about
Homer and Lincoln's gold?
539
00:20:56,713 --> 00:20:57,965
I guess the spirits thought
540
00:20:58,048 --> 00:20:59,174
the main vision was a little thin.
541
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:00,634
Anyway, the point is
542
00:21:00,717 --> 00:21:03,011
you still have the power
to change your future.
543
00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:04,346
I'll do my best.
544
00:21:04,429 --> 00:21:05,681
You're a good kid.
545
00:21:05,764 --> 00:21:07,641
Here's a coupon for some crab claws.
546
00:21:08,141 --> 00:21:09,810
Hey, this is expired.
547
00:21:13,230 --> 00:21:14,523
There you are.
548
00:21:14,606 --> 00:21:16,441
Come on. We have to go.
549
00:21:16,525 --> 00:21:20,237
Dad pushed a waitress,
and Mom lost $20,000.
550
00:21:22,864 --> 00:21:24,283
You're not going to believe it, Lis.
551
00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:26,576
This cool Indian guy
showed me our future.
552
00:21:26,660 --> 00:21:28,161
Really? Anything good?
553
00:21:28,245 --> 00:21:29,997
I'll say. I've got my own band
554
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:30,998
and a moped.
555
00:21:31,081 --> 00:21:31,999
What about me?
556
00:21:32,082 --> 00:21:34,084
Eh, some government job.
557
00:21:42,592 --> 00:21:44,761
(theme music playing)
558
00:22:20,005 --> 00:22:20,881
Shh!
559
00:22:20,964 --> 00:22:22,049
BART: Moochie-moochie.
560
00:22:24,468 --> 00:22:26,053
Captioned by
Visual Data Media Services