1
00:00:02,794 --> 00:00:06,548
CHORUS: <i>♪ The Simpsons ♪</i>

2
00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:12,053
(theme music playing)

3
00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:19,811
(bell ringing)

4
00:00:23,940 --> 00:00:25,275
(whistle blows)

5
00:00:30,238 --> 00:00:31,281
(beeping)

6
00:00:34,826 --> 00:00:38,872
(playing the blues)

7
00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:00,310
(honking horn)

8
00:01:00,852 --> 00:01:02,020
(tires screeching)

9
00:01:04,189 --> 00:01:05,940
D'oh. (screams)

10
00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:07,776
(tires screeching)

11
00:01:10,028 --> 00:01:11,780
(all screaming)

12
00:01:24,292 --> 00:01:25,877
{\an8}Ah, trash night.

13
00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:29,297
{\an8}In France, they call it
<i>La Nuit Des Poubelles.</i>

14
00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:31,633
{\an8}In Germany, it's "Crappenfest."

15
00:01:31,716 --> 00:01:34,886
{\an8}I can't believe it only comes
52 times a year.

16
00:01:34,969 --> 00:01:36,471
{\an8}Quit gabbing and start grabbing.

17
00:01:36,554 --> 00:01:38,681
{\an8}And remember the best stuff is usually

18
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,058
{\an8}deep in the garbage juice.

19
00:01:41,351 --> 00:01:43,728
{\an8}See? A new pacifier for Maggie.

20
00:01:45,188 --> 00:01:48,358
{\an8}Looky here. Cardy-board tubes.

21
00:01:48,441 --> 00:01:50,360
{\an8}Now we can have indoor plumbing

22
00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:52,737
{\an8}just like they's got
at the women's lock-up.

23
00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:54,781
{\an8}They spoilt you, Brandine.

24
00:01:54,864 --> 00:01:58,493
{\an8}Sometimes I don't even know
who you are anymore.

25
00:01:59,994 --> 00:02:01,454
{\an8}Ha! Looks like Milhouse's mom

26
00:02:01,538 --> 00:02:03,289
{\an8}finally threw out his blanky.

27
00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:04,958
{\an8}He'll pay a lot to get this back.

28
00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:07,836
{\an8}Especially when we send it
to him piece by piece.

29
00:02:07,919 --> 00:02:08,837
{\an8}(evil laughing)

30
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:10,171
(groaning)

31
00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:12,090
(humming)

32
00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:14,134
Shh. Quiet.

33
00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:17,387
{\an8}It seems I will never sell
these <i>She-Hulk vs.</i>

34
00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:19,055
{\an8}<i>Leon Spinks Comics.</i>

35
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:20,932
{\an8}Worst cross-over ever.

36
00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:27,063
{\an8}(mumbling)

37
00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:30,900
(screaming)

38
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:32,068
Shoo, nerds, shoo!

39
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,444
(chittering)

40
00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:38,700
{\an8}Well, this muscle shirt's
a pretty good find.

41
00:02:38,783 --> 00:02:40,201
{\an8}Dad, that's a sports bra.

42
00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:42,162
All I know is, I'm finally getting

43
00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:43,329
the support I need.

44
00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:45,206
Look, Dad, barber hair.

45
00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:46,207
(sniffing)

46
00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:47,667
{\an8}Ooh, Italian.

47
00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:52,130
Hey, Vinnie, how's about a pizza?

48
00:02:52,213 --> 00:02:53,715
I got-a no job.

49
00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:55,592
{\an8}(gasps) Mama Mia.

50
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:57,927
Look what the
Hawaiian restaurant threw out.

51
00:02:59,137 --> 00:03:01,472
Get out of my dreams and into my car.

52
00:03:01,556 --> 00:03:02,807
(hissing)

53
00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:07,979
{\an8}I don't remember the air
in the kitchen being so wavy.

54
00:03:08,396 --> 00:03:11,024
{\an8}(sniffs) Good lord, that's gas.

55
00:03:11,524 --> 00:03:13,818
(grunts)

56
00:03:15,612 --> 00:03:16,613
HOMER: Behold,

57
00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:19,240
I am king Talkie-Tiki.

58
00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:20,617
(both scream)

59
00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:21,701
{\an8}Hey, Flanders.

60
00:03:21,784 --> 00:03:23,494
{\an8}Can your god do that?

61
00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:26,998
{\an8}Actually, Homer, you
and I worship the same god, so...

62
00:03:27,081 --> 00:03:30,335
{\an8}HOMER: Irregardless, I am your God now.

63
00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:31,794
(grunts)

64
00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:33,004
(laughing)

65
00:03:33,087 --> 00:03:34,255
{\an8}Homer, you just can't reroute

66
00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:35,715
{\an8}the gas line.

67
00:03:35,798 --> 00:03:37,300
{\an8}Do you know how dangerous that is?

68
00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:39,510
{\an8}HOMER: Do not anger Talkie-Tiki!

69
00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:41,095
{\an8}I am all-power...

70
00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:43,097
{\an8}-(screams)
-I'll be at Moe's.

71
00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:47,018
{\an8}So I says to the cop,

72
00:03:47,101 --> 00:03:49,604
{\an8}"No, <i>you're </i>driving under the influence

73
00:03:49,687 --> 00:03:51,231
{\an8}of being a jerk."

74
00:03:51,314 --> 00:03:53,524
{\an8}(laughing)

75
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,276
{\an8}(sighs)

76
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,528
{\an8}Hey, Barney, what's with the glum face?

77
00:03:57,612 --> 00:04:00,031
You glum or something? Huh, glummy?

78
00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:02,825
You know, it was my birthday last week

79
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:04,202
and no one remembered.

80
00:04:04,285 --> 00:04:05,453
What are you, nuts?

81
00:04:05,536 --> 00:04:07,205
I threw you a party at my house.

82
00:04:07,288 --> 00:04:08,498
You lie!

83
00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:10,917
Why would I not remember my own...

84
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:14,462
-Birthday?
-But we did have

85
00:04:14,545 --> 00:04:15,755
a shindig for you, Barn.

86
00:04:15,838 --> 00:04:17,548
We even videotaped it. Look.

87
00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:23,554
MOE: Oh, that's it, baby.

88
00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:24,806
All for Moe.

89
00:04:25,556 --> 00:04:26,891
Oh, yeah, work the slot.

90
00:04:26,975 --> 00:04:28,184
Show me the package.

91
00:04:28,559 --> 00:04:30,687
(chuckles) Whoa...
That's, that's a project

92
00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:31,813
I'm working on. Sorry.

93
00:04:33,564 --> 00:04:34,649
BART: OK, Mom, we're rolling.

94
00:04:34,732 --> 00:04:36,234
I wrote a poem for Barney

95
00:04:36,317 --> 00:04:37,610
on this special occasion.

96
00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:40,154
"Now that you're one year older,

97
00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:42,657
the time flew by so fast..."

98
00:04:42,740 --> 00:04:44,492
-Bart!
-(Bart laughs)

99
00:04:44,575 --> 00:04:45,535
Give me that.

100
00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:46,619
(grunts)

101
00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:47,912
I'm just saying that,

102
00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,205
when we die

103
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:50,498
there's going to be a planet

104
00:04:50,581 --> 00:04:51,499
for the French,

105
00:04:51,582 --> 00:04:53,418
a planet for the Chinese,

106
00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:55,420
and we'll all be a lot happier.

107
00:04:55,503 --> 00:04:57,338
Mr. Gumbel, you're upsetting me.

108
00:04:57,422 --> 00:04:58,423
No, I'm not.

109
00:04:58,923 --> 00:05:02,552
{\an8}Gee, is that who I look like
when I'm drunk?

110
00:05:02,885 --> 00:05:03,970
You wish.

111
00:05:04,053 --> 00:05:05,430
That's the stage we call

112
00:05:05,513 --> 00:05:06,848
Professor Barney--

113
00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:09,559
Talkative, coherent, even insightful.

114
00:05:09,892 --> 00:05:11,185
Here's drunk.

115
00:05:11,269 --> 00:05:12,895
(spueaking)

116
00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:16,566
(high voice) Well, I'm off to market.

117
00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:17,567
(belches)

118
00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:18,609
Marge, you're making

119
00:05:18,693 --> 00:05:20,028
a complete fool of your...

120
00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:22,322
Oh, it's just Barney.

121
00:05:22,405 --> 00:05:23,740
(screams)

122
00:05:25,616 --> 00:05:27,618
(gasps) Precious alcohol

123
00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:29,579
soaking into shag.

124
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,666
(growls)

125
00:05:35,251 --> 00:05:37,545
Oh, how embarrassing.

126
00:05:38,129 --> 00:05:39,422
How did this happen?

127
00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:41,257
Oh, that. You've had that for a while.

128
00:05:41,632 --> 00:05:43,509
Yeah, I can't really
picture you without it.

129
00:05:44,802 --> 00:05:47,013
Oh, I'm a disgrace.

130
00:05:47,096 --> 00:05:49,057
Disgracefully hilarious.

131
00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:52,060
You passed out before we could
even give you your presents.

132
00:05:52,143 --> 00:05:53,144
I still got mine.

133
00:05:53,227 --> 00:05:54,228
Barney, I got you what

134
00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:55,521
no drunk can do without--

135
00:05:55,605 --> 00:05:57,398
Morning-after stationery.

136
00:05:57,482 --> 00:05:59,734
(laughing)

137
00:05:59,817 --> 00:06:02,070
And I got you helicopter flying lessons.

138
00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:05,323
Can you imagine this boozebag
at the wheel of a whirlybird?

139
00:06:05,406 --> 00:06:07,325
(laughs) He'd be all "look at me--

140
00:06:07,408 --> 00:06:09,827
I'm a tanked-up loser in a helicopter!"

141
00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:12,497
(laughs)

142
00:06:12,580 --> 00:06:15,249
Ah, anyway, happy b-day, punkin.

143
00:06:17,418 --> 00:06:20,213
So, I'm a tanked-up loser?

144
00:06:20,588 --> 00:06:22,256
Is that how you see me?

145
00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:24,842
Oh, sounds like a certain loser

146
00:06:24,926 --> 00:06:26,260
could use some tanking up.

147
00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:29,430
(grunts)

148
00:06:29,514 --> 00:06:30,556
Hey, hey. Where you going?

149
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,558
I'll show you. I'm going to take

150
00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:34,143
these helicopter lessons.

151
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:35,353
Wait a minute, Barney.

152
00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:37,230
You got to be sober to fly.

153
00:06:37,313 --> 00:06:38,940
I mean, it's not like driving a car.

154
00:06:39,315 --> 00:06:40,817
And I'm going to quit drinking.

155
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:42,860
(laughing)

156
00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:43,986
No, I mean it.

157
00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:46,030
(laughing)

158
00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:48,366
You won't see me here again, <i>ever.</i>

159
00:06:48,449 --> 00:06:50,076
(laughs)

160
00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:53,579
Wait, that ain't funny.

161
00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:54,914
He's my best customer.

162
00:06:54,997 --> 00:06:56,666
Well, the handwriting's on the wall.

163
00:06:56,999 --> 00:06:59,252
To stay afloat, this bar's
going to have to go queer.

164
00:06:59,627 --> 00:07:00,586
You mean, it's not?

165
00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:01,587
Oh!

166
00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:02,672
Wrong again,

167
00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:04,507
<i>Gay Guide to Springfield.</i>

168
00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:12,598
Farewell, my long-necked friends.

169
00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:14,308
(grunts)

170
00:07:20,648 --> 00:07:24,152
All right, world, get ready
to meet the clean and sober

171
00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:25,403
Barney Gumbel.

172
00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:28,656
Whee!

173
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:30,032
Give me a beer.

174
00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:31,784
I knew you'd be back.

175
00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:34,328
(quietly) Santeria, you're the greatest.

176
00:07:35,496 --> 00:07:38,082
Barney, didn't you say you
were going to stop drinking?

177
00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:40,960
I know... but it's so hard!

178
00:07:41,043 --> 00:07:42,712
Please help me, Homer!

179
00:07:42,795 --> 00:07:44,213
You came to the right guy.

180
00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:45,631
I'll straighten you out

181
00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:47,341
right after I finish this beer.

182
00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:50,595
(sighs)

183
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,517
Ah, man, that's sweet.

184
00:07:57,101 --> 00:07:58,144
OK, let's go.

185
00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:03,232
{\an8}My name is Barney,
and... I'm an alcoholic.

186
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:06,777
I feel for you, pally, but, uh, you want
A.A.-- This is triple "A."

187
00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:07,904
Oh. My name is Homer,

188
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:09,113
and I'm planning a trip

189
00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:10,990
-to St. Louis.
-East St. Louis?

190
00:08:11,073 --> 00:08:12,950
Is there any other St. Louis?

191
00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:17,413
(indistinct chatter)

192
00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:20,750
Ah, welcome back, Homer.

193
00:08:21,292 --> 00:08:23,794
I see you've finally hit rock bottom.

194
00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:25,421
(scoffing) Not a chance.

195
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:27,256
I can sink <i>way </i>lower.

196
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:29,217
I just came to help my friend Barney.

197
00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:31,093
We all know why we're here, don't we?

198
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:34,055
To keep ourselves sober and to network.

199
00:08:34,138 --> 00:08:35,264
So let's get started.

200
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:36,641
Well, after I lost

201
00:08:36,724 --> 00:08:38,309
my third job in two days

202
00:08:38,392 --> 00:08:40,520
old Gil was in a pit of despair.

203
00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:43,147
And that's when you realized
you were an alcoholic.

204
00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:44,857
Oh, no, I never touch the stuff,

205
00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:47,318
but you don't have to be drunk
to know the value of Amway.

206
00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:48,528
-Oh.
-Huh-huh.

207
00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:50,696
Now, this is used crankcase oil

208
00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:53,866
which you ladies know is
murder to clean up, you know

209
00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:55,409
and company's coming.

210
00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:56,619
Ah! You're doing this

211
00:08:56,702 --> 00:08:58,287
at the worst possible time.

212
00:08:58,371 --> 00:08:59,914
GIL: Ah, your finger is in my eye.

213
00:09:01,749 --> 00:09:04,710
I have a problem with alcohol,
and I need help.

214
00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:07,129
Well, your recovery begins today

215
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:08,965
and we promise you all the sugar cookies

216
00:09:09,048 --> 00:09:11,008
and secondhand smoke you can handle.

217
00:09:11,092 --> 00:09:13,261
These sugar cookies you speak of--

218
00:09:13,594 --> 00:09:15,471
Are they real or symbolic?

219
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,098
They're on that table over there.

220
00:09:17,431 --> 00:09:19,892
Oh, I don't want to walk <i>that </i>far.

221
00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:24,564
Anything that takes 12 steps
isn't worth doing.

222
00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:26,857
Get it? Huh? 12?

223
00:09:26,941 --> 00:09:27,858
(laughing)

224
00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:28,985
Steps?

225
00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:32,572
Hey, how did I get out here?

226
00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:35,408
(giggling)

227
00:09:35,491 --> 00:09:36,867
Hurt everyone.

228
00:09:36,951 --> 00:09:39,036
Did Gaga just say "hurt everyone"?

229
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:40,496
(laughing) Gaga-- cute name.

230
00:09:40,871 --> 00:09:42,456
ANNOUNCER<i>: The Springfield phone book</i>

231
00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:43,791
<i>needs a new cover.</i>

232
00:09:43,874 --> 00:09:45,209
-It does?
-It does?

233
00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:46,377
<i>Send us your snapshots,</i>

234
00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:47,587
<i>and, if we select yours,</i>

235
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:48,838
<i>you win a fabulous</i>

236
00:09:48,921 --> 00:09:50,047
<i>mystery prize.</i>

237
00:09:50,131 --> 00:09:51,048
<i>To enter, send your film</i>

238
00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:52,133
<i>to this address.</i>

239
00:09:52,216 --> 00:09:53,676
<i>Too quick? Try again.</i>

240
00:09:54,093 --> 00:09:55,761
<i>Did you get it? Here it is.</i>

241
00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:56,929
<i>Coming in from the left.</i>

242
00:09:57,346 --> 00:09:58,764
<i>Don't delay. Do it today!</i>

243
00:09:59,098 --> 00:10:00,057
You think we should enter?

244
00:10:00,141 --> 00:10:01,350
Well, it shouldn't be too hard

245
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:02,602
to beat the old photo.

246
00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:03,728
(Lisa exclaims)

247
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:08,733
Hmm, it's gotta be here somewhere.

248
00:10:11,402 --> 00:10:12,570
Hey, here's a camera.

249
00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:16,866
And it's still got a roll of film in it.

250
00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:19,368
Man, these old cameras
are really built solid.

251
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,288
Bart, we need that to win the contest.

252
00:10:22,371 --> 00:10:23,497
Win the what now?

253
00:10:28,669 --> 00:10:30,046
(sighs)

254
00:10:30,129 --> 00:10:31,130
Here it goes.

255
00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:34,258
So he's so busy worrying
about the front rotor

256
00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:35,843
he walks right into the back one.

257
00:10:35,926 --> 00:10:37,595
(laughing)

258
00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:39,180
Only in this business.

259
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:42,558
I'd like to sign up
for helicopter lessons.

260
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:45,561
Sorry, pal, but it takes
a special kind of man

261
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:46,896
to pilot these birds.

262
00:10:46,979 --> 00:10:47,980
I got a coupon.

263
00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:49,106
OK, get in.

264
00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:54,570
Elvis played a chopper pilot one time.

265
00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:57,865
He made so many darn mistakes

266
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:00,201
We were just laughing at him.

267
00:11:00,284 --> 00:11:01,577
Great singer, though.

268
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:02,703
Oh, absolutely. You know

269
00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:03,788
who else I like

270
00:11:03,871 --> 00:11:05,831
is that, uh, Leo Sayer.

271
00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:08,459
Anyway, we're nice and level now.

272
00:11:08,542 --> 00:11:10,503
How'd you like to take the controls?

273
00:11:10,586 --> 00:11:12,046
You think I'm ready?

274
00:11:12,129 --> 00:11:13,798
Sure, I do. One sec.

275
00:11:13,881 --> 00:11:16,050
Testing black box-- one, two.

276
00:11:16,384 --> 00:11:19,053
(screaming)

277
00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:21,013
She's all yours, friend.

278
00:11:23,599 --> 00:11:25,101
BARNEY: Whoa! Whoa!

279
00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:26,227
Oh!

280
00:11:26,310 --> 00:11:27,436
Oh! Hey!

281
00:11:27,978 --> 00:11:29,397
I think I'm getting it.

282
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:30,773
Yes, that's great.

283
00:11:31,148 --> 00:11:32,858
Now let's just pull ourselves

284
00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:34,568
out of this tailspin here.

285
00:11:37,071 --> 00:11:39,198
Ooh! Oh, I'm sorry about that.

286
00:11:39,281 --> 00:11:41,826
It's OK. That's what the diapers are for.

287
00:11:44,912 --> 00:11:47,415
Now, when the mamma bird
returns to feed her babies,

288
00:11:47,498 --> 00:11:49,125
we'll have a prize-winning picture.

289
00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:52,128
Lisa, people these days don't
want to see a baby bird.

290
00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:53,963
They want to see celebrities
at their worst.

291
00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:55,506
(bell rings)

292
00:11:57,758 --> 00:11:59,468
Is that Rainier Wolfcastle?

293
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:00,720
Check out the gut.

294
00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:01,971
It's for a movie.

295
00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:03,806
I'm playing a fat secret agent.

296
00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:09,562
Hey, Homer.

297
00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:11,021
Oh, no, no, no. Don't sit there.

298
00:12:11,105 --> 00:12:12,898
Take this seat, right next to the tap.

299
00:12:12,982 --> 00:12:15,067
But that's Barney's seat.

300
00:12:15,484 --> 00:12:17,570
Are you trying to make me the new Barney?

301
00:12:17,653 --> 00:12:20,406
Hey, every bar needs a world-class drunk.

302
00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:23,409
Yeah, someone who makes
our alcoholism seem less raging.

303
00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:25,244
Well, forget it, guys.

304
00:12:25,327 --> 00:12:26,662
I am not Barney.

305
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:27,663
(belches)

306
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:29,582
(all laughing)

307
00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:32,418
See, Homer? It's not so bad.

308
00:12:32,501 --> 00:12:33,544
Now dance, Rummy!

309
00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:35,087
O-OK.

310
00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:38,507
(mumbling melody)

311
00:12:43,137 --> 00:12:45,806
You danced for hours just because
they told you to?

312
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,850
If I didn't, I'd lose their respect.

313
00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:49,727
(helicopter approaching)

314
00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:51,270
Check it out, Homer!

315
00:12:51,353 --> 00:12:52,980
I'm flying this thing!

316
00:12:53,063 --> 00:12:55,024
Get it away from the house!

317
00:12:55,107 --> 00:12:56,358
Want to go for a ride?

318
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:57,443
Can I, Marge? Can I?

319
00:12:57,526 --> 00:12:59,487
Yes, go! Just go!

320
00:13:01,989 --> 00:13:04,241
So you missed some big changes at Moe's.

321
00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:06,994
He hangs newspapers over the urinals now.

322
00:13:07,077 --> 00:13:09,622
You can read the sports page
while you pee!

323
00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:11,791
Very la-di-da.

324
00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:13,876
I've made some big changes, too.

325
00:13:13,959 --> 00:13:16,086
Can you believe I'm flying
this helicopter?

326
00:13:16,170 --> 00:13:17,421
Powerlines! Powerlines!

327
00:13:17,505 --> 00:13:18,506
Whoops, sorry.

328
00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:23,844
When I think about all the time
I've wasted at Moe's...

329
00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:24,929
Wasted?

330
00:13:25,012 --> 00:13:26,514
What about our staring contests

331
00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:28,933
and the way we always knew
what football coaches

332
00:13:29,016 --> 00:13:30,976
should've done Remember the day we jumped

333
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:33,145
that census guy and stole his clicker?

334
00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:35,731
Those are all priceless memories, Homer,

335
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:38,400
{\an8}but I don't want to do that stuff anymore.

336
00:13:38,776 --> 00:13:41,028
Oh, so you're better than me, is that it?

337
00:13:41,111 --> 00:13:42,863
I didn't say that.

338
00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:44,031
Take me home.

339
00:13:44,114 --> 00:13:45,282
Oh, don't be that way, Homer.

340
00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:47,284
-I'll scream.
-OK, OK.

341
00:13:52,581 --> 00:13:54,250
So how was your ride with Barney?

342
00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:55,751
I don't want to talk about it.

343
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:56,752
(crying)

344
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:57,837
(slams door)

345
00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,547
(sobbing)

346
00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:00,631
(grunts)

347
00:14:08,472 --> 00:14:09,640
(grunting)

348
00:14:09,723 --> 00:14:10,891
Stupid Barney.

349
00:14:10,975 --> 00:14:12,309
Thinks he's too good for me.

350
00:14:12,393 --> 00:14:13,727
Cheer up, Homie.

351
00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:16,063
You don't need friends to be happy.

352
00:14:16,146 --> 00:14:18,274
I haven't had a friend in years.

353
00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:19,483
But you've got me.

354
00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:20,526
What have I got?

355
00:14:20,609 --> 00:14:23,988
Oh. Well, you still have Lenny and Carl.

356
00:14:24,071 --> 00:14:26,365
Aw, Lenny and Carl suck.

357
00:14:26,782 --> 00:14:28,450
Please don't tell Lenny
and Carl I said that

358
00:14:28,534 --> 00:14:30,077
'cause if I ever lost them as friends...

359
00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:31,620
{\an8}Look, if Barney's that important to you

360
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:33,622
you've got to work it out.

361
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,332
Old friends stick together

362
00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:37,084
Like O.J. and A.C.

363
00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:38,961
Or <i>The Falcon and the Snowman.</i>

364
00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:41,005
Oh, why can't I have a nickname?

365
00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:44,633
(sighs)

366
00:14:46,510 --> 00:14:47,761
LISA: OK, that's it.

367
00:14:49,346 --> 00:14:50,389
Looks good.

368
00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:53,517
Aw, Bart, the bulldog didn't ante.

369
00:14:55,227 --> 00:14:56,228
OK, on three.

370
00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:57,438
One, two...

371
00:14:58,063 --> 00:15:00,649
Perfect! Phone book cover, here I come!

372
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:03,527
{\an8}-Ha! Ha!
-Hey! No fair!

373
00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:05,946
Oh, we'll never get a good picture.

374
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:08,032
Hey, why don't we dump
spaghetti on Maggie's head?

375
00:15:08,115 --> 00:15:09,742
That picture's a cliche.

376
00:15:09,825 --> 00:15:10,826
Picture?

377
00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:17,249
Hey, Apu, you got any
of those potato chips

378
00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:18,375
that give you diarrhea?

379
00:15:18,834 --> 00:15:20,794
I need to do a little spring cleaning.

380
00:15:21,128 --> 00:15:23,339
They're in the safety cabinet.
I'll get the key.

381
00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:24,506
(bell rings)

382
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:27,801
Oh, hello, Homer.

383
00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:29,386
Barney.

384
00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:30,387
Beer, huh?

385
00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:31,388
That's right.

386
00:15:31,472 --> 00:15:32,598
Enjoy.

387
00:15:32,681 --> 00:15:34,141
-That, I will.
-Then we agree.

388
00:15:34,224 --> 00:15:35,184
{\an8}You keep thinking that.

389
00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:36,644
{\an8}-I will.
-Me, too.

390
00:15:36,727 --> 00:15:38,437
-Good day then.
-Good day, then is right.

391
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:39,772
-Ta.
-Ta-ta.

392
00:15:39,855 --> 00:15:40,856
(bell rings)

393
00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:42,900
Hey, you did not pay for that beer!

394
00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:44,652
(yells)

395
00:15:48,322 --> 00:15:50,199
Boy, you can see everything

396
00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:51,575
from Mount Springfield--

397
00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:53,702
The squidport, the old monorail...

398
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:54,787
BART: The play-doh factory.

399
00:15:57,706 --> 00:15:58,791
(buzzer)

400
00:15:58,874 --> 00:16:00,501
Crescent moon! Crescent moon!

401
00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:03,128
(clicking)

402
00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:04,588
Come on, Springfield.

403
00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:05,673
Sparkle for me, baby.

404
00:16:06,048 --> 00:16:07,132
That's it.

405
00:16:07,883 --> 00:16:08,801
Heads up!

406
00:16:08,884 --> 00:16:09,927
Ow!

407
00:16:10,010 --> 00:16:11,804
Bart, that's hot.

408
00:16:11,887 --> 00:16:12,972
I said, "Heads up."

409
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:18,811
(crackling)

410
00:16:20,771 --> 00:16:23,273
Lenny, Carl, I know a lot
of people badmouth you

411
00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:26,068
and focus on how you suck, but not me.

412
00:16:26,443 --> 00:16:28,570
To me, you're true blue.

413
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:30,280
Aw, thanks, big guy.

414
00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:31,532
Now dance, Rummy!

415
00:16:31,615 --> 00:16:32,533
OK.

416
00:16:32,616 --> 00:16:34,535
(mumbling melody)

417
00:16:35,577 --> 00:16:36,495
Hiya, Moe.

418
00:16:36,578 --> 00:16:38,080
Well, if it isn't little

419
00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:40,874
Miss I'm-not-wasting- my-life-anymore--

420
00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:42,126
Which he <i>is.</i>

421
00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:44,670
Moe, I've come here to make amends

422
00:16:44,753 --> 00:16:47,673
for my disgraceful behavior
over the last 20 years.

423
00:16:47,756 --> 00:16:49,174
No, that's OK, Barn.

424
00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:50,300
No, it's not OK.

425
00:16:50,384 --> 00:16:51,885
I broke barstools,

426
00:16:51,969 --> 00:16:53,429
befouled your broom closet

427
00:16:53,512 --> 00:16:55,848
and made sweet love to your pool table

428
00:16:55,931 --> 00:16:57,349
which I then befouled.

429
00:16:57,683 --> 00:17:00,436
Well, that would explain
the drop-off in play.

430
00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:02,521
<i>This is a Channel Six news bulletin.</i>

431
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,232
{\an8}<i>Fire has broken out on Mount Springfield</i>

432
00:17:05,315 --> 00:17:07,860
<i>trapping two youngsters and their camera.</i>

433
00:17:07,943 --> 00:17:09,862
Oh, no! That's Bart and Lisa!

434
00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:13,115
<i>Unfortunately, fire trucks are</i>
<i>unavailable to fight the blaze</i>

435
00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:15,617
<i>as they're all being used to film the new</i>
<i>Burt Reynolds movie</i>

436
00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:17,244
Fireball and Mudflap.

437
00:17:17,786 --> 00:17:19,121
<i>I caught up with Burt on the set.</i>

438
00:17:19,496 --> 00:17:20,998
<i>So, Burt, tell us a little</i>

439
00:17:21,081 --> 00:17:22,791
<i>about </i>Fireball and Mudflap.

440
00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:24,960
Well, I play Jerry "Fireball" mudflap,

441
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:26,712
a feisty supreme court justice

442
00:17:26,795 --> 00:17:28,464
who's searching for his birth-mother

443
00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:30,924
while competing in a cross-country
fire truck race.

444
00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:32,426
It's garbage.

445
00:17:35,304 --> 00:17:37,890
Barney, you got to fly us
up there and save my kids!

446
00:17:37,973 --> 00:17:38,974
{\an8}I can't.

447
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,642
{\an8}I've never flown solo.

448
00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:44,146
Barney, the call is from heroism.

449
00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:46,440
Will you accept the charges?

450
00:17:47,775 --> 00:17:49,359
(flames crackling)

451
00:17:53,947 --> 00:17:55,741
Where you going? The fire's that way!

452
00:17:56,116 --> 00:17:57,242
I know, I know!

453
00:17:57,576 --> 00:17:59,286
I haven't learned right turns yet.

454
00:17:59,369 --> 00:18:00,746
Aah! Look out!

455
00:18:00,829 --> 00:18:03,207
(screaming)

456
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:07,002
(cars honking)

457
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,379
(tires screeching)

458
00:18:09,797 --> 00:18:10,964
I can't do this.

459
00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:12,382
My nerves are shot.

460
00:18:15,344 --> 00:18:16,929
(tires screeching)

461
00:18:17,012 --> 00:18:19,223
(clattering)

462
00:18:19,681 --> 00:18:21,391
Beer! That's what I need!

463
00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:23,393
Barney, no, don't!

464
00:18:23,477 --> 00:18:24,603
Yes, I need it!

465
00:18:24,686 --> 00:18:25,687
(moans)

466
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:28,398
No! You've got to be sober for this.

467
00:18:28,482 --> 00:18:29,525
Give me that!

468
00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:31,527
Ew, it's warm.

469
00:18:33,445 --> 00:18:34,738
You can't drink them all!

470
00:18:34,822 --> 00:18:35,864
Oh, yes, I can.

471
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:37,199
(both grunting)

472
00:18:37,282 --> 00:18:38,283
Give me that!

473
00:18:39,159 --> 00:18:40,077
(tops popping)

474
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:42,287
(gulping)

475
00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:47,459
I won't let you give up now
when you've worked so hard

476
00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:49,920
(slurring) to be the greatest pal

477
00:18:50,003 --> 00:18:51,171
in the world.

478
00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:53,382
I love you.

479
00:18:53,465 --> 00:18:56,009
Let's not lose touch after graduation.

480
00:18:56,093 --> 00:18:58,345
(snoring)

481
00:19:00,514 --> 00:19:01,557
You brave man.

482
00:19:02,057 --> 00:19:04,143
You took six silver bullets for me.

483
00:19:04,518 --> 00:19:06,645
Stay away from my wife!

484
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:08,147
(groans)

485
00:19:09,189 --> 00:19:10,983
Looks like it's up to me.

486
00:19:20,909 --> 00:19:22,536
(both panting)

487
00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:23,954
We should be safe up here.

488
00:19:24,037 --> 00:19:25,998
I'm pretty sure fires can't climb trees.

489
00:19:26,081 --> 00:19:27,124
Ow!

490
00:19:27,207 --> 00:19:28,125
Dad!

491
00:19:28,208 --> 00:19:29,209
Hi, kids!

492
00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:30,627
-(laughing)
-Hang on!

493
00:19:30,711 --> 00:19:31,879
I'll throw you a ladder!

494
00:19:34,923 --> 00:19:36,800
(all screaming)

495
00:19:38,427 --> 00:19:40,220
(shrieks) Get off! Get off!

496
00:19:43,473 --> 00:19:44,474
(thuds)

497
00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:48,395
(both whimpering)

498
00:19:48,478 --> 00:19:50,105
Dad, help!

499
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:51,899
All right, I'm coming!

500
00:19:51,982 --> 00:19:52,941
Whoa!

501
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,276
(screams)

502
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:56,820
Let me know if you're going
to do that again, Homer.

503
00:20:11,585 --> 00:20:12,794
You did it, Dad.

504
00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:15,422
You can't prove I did it.

505
00:20:15,505 --> 00:20:18,175
No, you saved our lives.

506
00:20:18,258 --> 00:20:21,303
I could do a lot of things
if I had some money.

507
00:20:21,386 --> 00:20:22,429
What?

508
00:20:22,512 --> 00:20:24,181
Now <i>there's </i>a picture.

509
00:20:30,812 --> 00:20:31,897
Kids!

510
00:20:31,980 --> 00:20:33,565
The new phone books are here

511
00:20:33,649 --> 00:20:35,901
and your picture's on the cover!

512
00:20:36,276 --> 00:20:37,694
-All right!
-Wow, cool!

513
00:20:37,778 --> 00:20:38,779
Let me see!

514
00:20:39,404 --> 00:20:40,822
(both scream)

515
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,824
MARGE: Isn't it adorable?

516
00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:45,535
I guess some baby pictures
were on that old roll of film.

517
00:20:45,619 --> 00:20:48,664
Aw, we'll be the laughingstock
of the whole town.

518
00:20:48,747 --> 00:20:50,916
Well, at least we won the bike.

519
00:20:50,999 --> 00:20:53,293
Actually, I took the picture.

520
00:20:53,377 --> 00:20:55,879
So I gave my prize to the orphanage.

521
00:20:55,963 --> 00:20:57,297
-What?
-How could you?

522
00:20:57,381 --> 00:20:58,423
Just kidding.

523
00:20:58,507 --> 00:20:59,925
I would never do that.

524
00:21:06,223 --> 00:21:08,475
Well, I'm glad we're friends again.

525
00:21:08,558 --> 00:21:09,601
Yeah.

526
00:21:09,977 --> 00:21:11,561
So what do you call this stuff?

527
00:21:11,645 --> 00:21:13,939
A double tall mocha latte.

528
00:21:15,732 --> 00:21:16,733
It's not bad.

529
00:21:16,817 --> 00:21:18,360
Well, it ain't beer.

530
00:21:19,361 --> 00:21:22,322
But at least I got
that monkey off my back.

531
00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:29,413
Oh... (belches)

532
00:21:30,956 --> 00:21:32,708
Nobody gets away from Moe.

533
00:21:33,417 --> 00:21:34,626
{\an8}Nobody.

534
00:21:35,377 --> 00:21:37,421
(steam hissing)

535
00:21:39,881 --> 00:21:42,926
(laughs)

536
00:21:43,010 --> 00:21:44,636
(coughs)

537
00:22:24,551 --> 00:22:25,969
-(murmuring)
-Shh.

538
00:22:29,389 --> 00:22:31,391
{\an8}Captioned by
Visual Data Media Services