(theme song playing)
CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
(bell ringing)
(whistle blows)
(playing the blues)
(honking horn)
(tires screeching)
D'oh! (screams)
(tires screeching)
BART: Whoa!
-(Homer yelling) -(crashing)
MAN (on TV): The Cyborganizer.
A high-tech robocop
created for one purpose only,
to help the N.Y.P.D. tackle its tedious paperwork.
Good work, Cyborganizer.
I can streamline any procedure
except this thing you call "love."
Aw... Poor Cyborganizer.
Homer, sitting that close to the TV can't be good for you.
Talking while the TV's on can't be good for you.
You should get your eyes checked.
I'm taking Bart to the mall
to buy camping supplies.
Why don't you come along?
Nah, I want to enjoy the show
before the network retools it.
How can I organize this modeling agency
and still be a good single father?
I love you, Daddy.
Aw! Too late!
We need something quick.
My husband's eyes are really shot.
Whee! Touch the sky, Maggie.
Whee! Touch the sky!
Dad, I've got Maggie.
Who said that?
(exclaims angrily)
Come on, Bart.
While your dad gets his glasses,
we'll go shop for your trip.
Oh, I hate shopping.
Just get me a deck of cards and I'll win whatever I need
from the other kids.
But you need to try things on.
Every brand has a different idea of husky.
(grunts) I'm in tantrum position.
"T" minus five, four, three...
Remembering dead cat for real tears.
(crying)
Fine. You win.
I'll do your shopping for you.
Tantrum averted.
But now I can't forget the cat. (sobbing)
OK, let's get started.
-(snoring) -Oh! Hey, wake up!
(mumbling) Sorry.
-Now, read the first line. -"I, eight, p-p."
-(giggling) -Why you little...
-(grunting) -(gagging)
WOMAN: Better, or worse?
HOMER: Worse! (grunting)
WOMAN: Better, or worse?
HOMER: Much better!
(gagging) Dad!
That pair's popular with celebrities like Val Kilmer.
-Ooh, my favorite Door. -And Yoko Ono.
Ew! She ruined The Plastic Ono Band.
Maybe you're a candidate for laser eye surgery.
Will it get me out of having to choosing glasses?
Well, yes, but I must warn you
it's an experimental procedure and we still don't know
-the long-term effects. -Less yappin', more zappin'!
Well, looks like we got everything
for Bart's camping trip.
Blair Witch repellent, antler saw,
and deep woods Scrabble.
(gasps) Ooh, Tango De La Muerte!
I've been dying to see that movie.
It got rave reviews from both the Entertainment Radio Network
and the Radio Entertainment Network.
Let's go.
-(zapping) -(Homer screaming)
Wait. You've got to use these drops.
They prevent your eyes from crusting over.
Oh, here we go with the add-ons. No, thanks.
Now that my severed foot has been reattached,
I must win back the coveted dance title
"Locolegs."
As your wise but alcoholic dance coach,
I know that somewhere
your father is looking down on you
and smiling.
Oh, there he is.
And now, I must choose a beautiful partner
for the big dance contest.
Hmm...
(grunts)
Mm-hmm...
(grunts)
No. (gasps) Hmm...
Oh, he'll never dance with her.
She'll have to settle for some Mexican Milhouse.
I demand to know your name.
My name is Lisabella.
(gasping) That's my name with "bella" on the end of it.
Ask her. Oh, God, please, ask her to dance.
I shall dance... with her.
-(grunts) - Que malo.
Once again, I must sugar my own churro.
But I am just a simple librarian.
I've only read about dancing in books.
(chuckles) I will show you something that is in no book.
-(all gasping) -(gasping) Ooh...
(moaning and gasps) Mmm...
She's not plain. She's beautiful.
(tango music playing)
(applause)
There is just one dance that will beat them,
The tango de la muerte.
(gasps) Only one was crazy enough
to dance that dance and he is dead.
My twin brother, Freduardo.
But where he died, I shall live,
in his apartment.
(tango music playing)
(all gasping)
(applause)
You are now carrying my child.
But how?
It is the mystery of the dance.
Oh, Mom, I want to be a dancer.
That's wonderful, honey.
We should ask your father, though.
Where is he, anyway?
(imitating Marge) Now, Homey, when we get to the liquor store
buy me some Jack Daniels and a carton of smokes.
-Yes, dear. -(snickering)
(metal squealing)
MARGE: Mmm... I remember Little Vicki Valentine.
Her perky smile and dancing
brought America right out of the depression.
Well, I think World War II helped a little, Mom.
Don't smart-mouth, Lisa.
-A great big sunshine hello to you. -Hi, Little Vicki.
(chuckles) That was such a long time ago.
I'm just plain Vicki now.
All right. I'd like to sign
my daughter up for lessons, Vicki.
-"Little Vicki." -But you just said--
So, what dance style were you interested in?
We have ever so many.
There's ballroom...
Ow! You stepped on my toes again!
If you would just let me lead...
You're not a leader, Seymour.
Never have been, never will be.
Oh!
There's square-dancing...
♪ Oh, the birdie in the cage odd lady in the center ♪
♪ Now the birdie is purty and the crows hop in ♪
♪ Pluck the feather all together ♪
♪ Hell-bent for leather... ♪
Or there's the dance
that made me ever so famous, tap.
(tapping)
But I want to learn a dance I can use in real life
like the tango de la muerte.
Oh, bless your heart.
Let's get you some tap shoes.
Uh, Little Vicki,
I really think she had her heart set on--
A little advice... Don't live through your child.
OK.
Camp is going to be great.
Seven days without parents, homework or ear medicine.
-(grunts) -Yes, sir.
This is going to be the best week
of our young lives.
I'm going to pound you two all week.
Oh, what'd we do?
Nothing. But I got to pound somebody.
NELSON: Ha-ha!
Now where do we go?
Well, I don't want to go home.
My grandma's sleeping in my bed
and she has skin like a basketball.
Wait a minute.
Everybody thinks we're at camp this week.
We can stay wherever we want!
Yeah! Like the four seasons!
Each room has its own safe.
I've got a better place.
-The mall? -Yeah.
It's just like my dad always says,
For an evening or a week,
there's no place like the mall.
Food, fun and fashion,
the mall has it all.
What? What did he say?
Now, the key to great dancing is one word,
tapa-tapa-tapa.
Tapa-tapa-tapa.
Teacher, my shoes are making noise.
You must be Ralph.
My daddy shoots people.
Good.
Good. Wait a minute, somebody's off the beat.
Let me hear you two.
OK, now you.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
(all laughing)
Children, stop it! For all you know, she has a medical condition.
-Nope. -I see.
(groans)
This is way better than camp.
No mosquitoes, no stupid camp songs...
♪ If you're happy and you know it, shop at Stan's ♪
♪ Giant discounts on your favorite major brands... ♪
Attention, shoppers.
The mall is now closed.
OK, folks, you heard the recording, clear out.
(both gasping)
Quick! Up here!
(both grunting)
Where are we going?
Quiet. Just keep scurrying.
BOTH: Whoa!
-Worms! -Gold!
Wait. This is just chocolate.
Chocolate!
And these are Gummy Worms!
-Gummy! -Warheads, Jelly Bellies...
We're like two kids in a candy store!
BOTH: Yes!
Flavor's gone.
Shoe fight!
(both grunting)
Ow! No golf shoes!
-Ready, Milhouse? -Gimme a sec.
(grunting)
BART: Ready? Jump! (grunts)
BOTH: Whoa!
(both screaming)
Whoa!
Whoa! We're lumberjacks!
Oh, my God! Look at this place!
How could this happen?
Candy chewed, wigs pulled from stands,
cheese packages poked and re-poked.
Every sign points to one obvious culprit,
a giant rat.
You'll have to shut down the mall.
On Presidents' Day weekend?
Are you crazy?
Crazy with concern
for the public, yes.
Now shut this place down
before the old folks come in
for their morning walk.
(feeble moaning)
Open...
Tapa-tapa-tapa.
-Oh, whoa! -Ow!
Sorry. The floor's kind of at an angle here.
I'm going to move over there.
OK, from tapa-tapa-tapa.
Wh... (groaning)
Lisa's bad dancing makes my feet sad.
(sighs exasperatedly) Let's take five.
What am I doing wrong, Little Vicki?
Well, you're falling a lot.
-Maybe you should work on that. -Yeah, well, no offense, but maybe I need
a little more instruction than just tapa-tapa-tapa.
Why, back when I was your age,
I had 43 movies under my belt,
and I had to do it without tapa-tapa-tapa.
I would've killed for tapa-tapa-tapa.
Sorry. I'm just frustrated.
Well, you'll never save
Grampa's farm with that attitude.
You've just got to turn that frown upside down.
That's a smile, not an upside-down frown!
Work on that, too.
Hey, we got a postcard from Bart.
"Dear Mom and Homer,
I'm having fun."
Aw, it sounds like he's having fun.
Why does it have a picture of Vitamin Barn?
Didn't you ever go to camp?
The old Vitamin Barn.
There's our Broadway baby!
(groans)
Hey, dig that crazy rhythm!
I'm just walking.
Listen, I know I said I wanted to be a dancer but--
And you will be a dancer.
Look at you, all sugar and spice
instead of equations and test tubes.
Your daddy's precious dancing queen.
-And you look adorable! -(groans)
Now, honey, what were you trying to say
before we kept interrupting with our loving proudness?
Yes, our tiny tapper.
What was it you were going to say
after "I wanted to be a dancer, but..."?
But I just
need more practice.
-See ya! -(tapping)
Oh, what's that awful sound?
-The furnace? -It's me!
BOTH: Aww.
Why is you so down, Little Miss Vicki?
My kitty cat's sick
and I'd be ever so sad if she should die.
(coughing)
Well, I'm no animal doctor, or nothing,
but whenever I'm feeling poorly,
you know what fixes me up?
-Dancin'! -Dancin'?
Dancin'.
But I don't know how to dance.
Oh, I'll show you how.
There! Now you're gettin' it.
Look at me, Powder Puff! I'm dancin'!
(sighs) That cat dances better than I do.
WIGGUM: We'll catch that mall rat.
Sure hope this Acme kit works.
Gosh, that cheese looks good.
Think I could grab it before that anvil hits?
I don't know, Chief. It's a million to one.
I like those odds.
Ah!
-(both snickering) -(Wiggum groans)
My mistake was grabbing the cheese. (groans)
(humming)
Professor Frink, will that spaceship be ready for the recital?
I have visited the future, and yes, it will. (chuckles)
OK, kids, tonight's the big night.
Now, remember, the important thing is
-to just dance flawlessly. -LISA: Excuse me.
-Why isn't my name in the program? -It is, silly.
You've got the most important part of all.
"Curtain puller"?
No one can see the show if the curtain isn't open.
But... my parents are counting on seeing me dance
And I've worked ever so hard.
I'm sorry, Lisa, but giving everyone an equal part
when they're clearly not equal is called what again, class?
ALL: Communism!
That's right. And I didn't tap
all those morse-code messages
to the allies till my shoes filled with blood
just to roll out the welcome mat for the reds.
(sighs) All right.
I'll be the stupid curtain puller. (grunts)
Smoothly.
Pull-a, pull-a, pull-a.
(grumbling) I got your "pull-a, pull-a, pull-a."
Excuse me, Lisa, but I couldn't help but overhear
your nerdly predicament.
Maybe I can be of assistance
with the dancing, and the twisting...
♪ And the kung fu fighting ♪
(scatting)
I first observed this technology
at the airport gift shop.
-(clicking rhythmically) -As you see,
it responds to any percussive sound
with an exuberant shaking
if it's groove-thing, yeah, yeah.
It's most entertaining, but how does that help me?
Observe.
Ooh!
That's brilliant, Professor. What will you think of next?
Well, I also found this at the gift shop.
Isn't it cute?
I'm hoping to turn it into a weapon.
(laughing maniacally) It'll kill ya.
I've got to go now.
OK, Mr. Rat, we've got a little playmate for you.
-(snarling) -(clanks)
Should I get the backup lion, Chief?
Would you?
(sniffing)
(whispering) Can you see the lion anywhere?
(growling)
-(squeaking) -Well, do you see him or not?
(squeaking)
Are you saying he's right on the other side of that plant?
(squeaking)
-(growling) -OK. Run!
-(roaring) -(both screaming)
(both gasping)
This way!
(both panting)
BOTH: Uh-oh.
-(lion growling) -(both whimpering)
-(roars) -(grunts)
(purring)
Bart, you're a genius.
Ah!
You OK, Milhouse?
Nothing that a handful of
Gummy Bears can't fix.
(both laughing)
Well, well, looks like the cat got the rat.
And that's the end of that tale.
Uh, Chief, should we try and get the mountain lion
-back in its crate? -I repeat...
OK, everyone,
we need big smiles out there,
so line up for dimpling.
Now this may hurt a lot.
-(gasps) -What am I saying, "may"?
-(firing) -Ow!
Now, that's a happy face.
Little Vicki, I figured out how to dance.
I can be in the show now.
I'm sorry, Lisa.
People go to a children's dance recital
expecting a certain level of professionalism.
But... But you don't understand.
(groaning)
I ate too much plastic candy.
Heavens to Betsy!
The star of the show is sick!
Whatever will we do?
There's only one person who can get us out of this pickle.
-Lisa? -Yes?
-Help me into Ralph's costume. -(sighs)
-(piano playing) -Show time, children.
Let's go.
OK, curtain puller,
this is your moment to shine.
Oh, it's too important, I'll do it for you.
(groans)
Lean, muscular children of Mars,
we bring you candy.
(all giggling)
Let's walk over to them.
Why walk when you can dance?
(all rhythmically tapping)
Where's Lisa?
Shh! This plot is hard enough to follow as it is.
♪ On the spaceship ♪
ALL: ♪ Lollipop ♪
♪ Gingerbread men ♪
♪ Like to do hip-hop ♪
-♪ And chocolate chips... ♪ -Huh?
♪ Make a rockin' fuel for rocket ships ♪
♪ We just love to dance on Mars ♪
♪ Where everything's made... ♪
There she is! Hi, honey!
Wow! Look at her go!
Yeah, that pressure we put on her
really paid off.
What are you doing?
I can't help it, it's the shoes.
Nobody upstages Little Vicki. (hissing)
Oh... please stop.
I'm just getting started!
(audience gasping)
(cheering and whistling)
Stop clapping! Whoa!
Wha...! Whoa!
Go, Lisa! Come on, everybody,
give it up for my little girl!
-(girls screaming) -Whoa...
Whoa... Please...
Stop clapping! You'll kill us all!
(screaming)
(all screaming)
Lisa's gone berserk!
Do something, Homer! Do something!
(yelping and groans)
Oh, thanks, Dad.
I didn't think, I... just acted.
Self-tapping shoes?
-I'm ever so pissed. -I'm sorry, Vicki.
I just wanted to be a dancer so badly.
(sighs) I understand.
We all do crazy things when we're desperate.
I once destroyed Buddy Ebsen's credit rating.
-Why? -He knows why.
Jesus, Mary and Glavin!
These shoes are in the "off" position!
You mean, I danced all by myself?
See, honey? All you needed was to believe in--
What are you talking about, Professor Frink?
They're clearly in the "on" position. See? "On."
I was merely trying to spare the girl's feelings,
-you insensitive clod. -Oh... Oh!
Well, now that I look even closer--
Forget it, Dad.
(groans) I guess I'm never going to be your Broadway baby.
That's not true, honey. You can always write
a depressing Broadway play of some kind.
-You think so? -Sure.
It could be a story about people
coming to terms with things.
Hey, yeah. You could load it up with lots of swears.
That's what David Mamet does.
Ah, I love you guys.
Uh-oh! It's out of its matrix! Nobody move!
Why, it's just a cute little weasel.
(cooing) Hello, there, Mr. Weasel.
-(loud zapping) -(Homer screaming)
I'm down!
Captioned by Visual Data Media Services