(thunder rumbling)
(grunting)
(theme music playing)
(laughing)
(grunts)
Hmm.
(laughing)
Hey, who cut out Beetle Bailey?
I need my Miss Buxley fix.
I don't like you ogling her.
Why don't you read Cathy?
She's hilarious.
Ah, too much baggage.
Ooh, my horoscope.
"Taurus: Today you will die."
-What? -(gasps)
"And you may get a compliment
from an attractive coworker."
Lenny?
It really says "die"?
That sounds unusually specific for a horoscope.
Mmm, maybe I better check mine.
"Today your husband will die."
(gasps) Homer, I'm scared.
Ooh, scary newspaper.
Don't hurt me, horoscope.
I'm afraid... Ow! Oh!
Paper cut! Paper cut!
(screams)
Missed me!
Stupid horoscope.
Ha-ha-ha... Stupid horoscope.
(rattling)
(grunts)
(chuckles)
Clupid bloropope.
Homer, if I may compliment you...
Yes, go on.
That is one handsome rattlesnake.
You got biting your arm there.
Yeah, that's quite fetching.
But, uh, aren't you worried
about the deadliness?
No, he'll get tired of biting
in an hour or so.
Snakes, nature's quitters.
That horoscope was baloney.
Nothing happened except for the pickax in my head,
the rattlesnake bite and the testicle thing.
What's for dessert?
No dessert until you eat
your broccoli.
Oh... fine.
(grunts)
Mm, another broccoli-related death.
But I thought broccoli was...
Oh, yes, one of the deadliest
plants on earth. Why,
it tries to warn you itself
with its terrible taste.
Sure is easy when they're stiff like this...
and very sad.
HOMER: St. Peter.
Whoo-hoo!
Got to heaven before you, Flanders!
(mocking grunts)
I wouldn't celebrate so soon, Mr. Simpson.
I don't see a single good deed next to your name.
Well, the thing about that is...
(screams)
Homer, settle down.
I'll give you a chance to get into heaven.
You have 24 hours to go back
and do one good deed.
I'm sorry, I didn't get the number of hours or good deeds.
(yells)
Oh, Homie, I still can't believe
a piece of broccoli killed you.
What the hell was I thinking?
(gasps)
I tried the broccoli again.
Uh. You have 23 hours left.
(yells)
(wind howling)
(ghost-like voice) Marge Simpson...
Homer, it's you!
I thought I'd never see you again.
You were wrong.
Dead wrong!
Do you have to talk like that?
(normal voice) No, not really.
Marge, you got to help me.
I have to do one good deed
to get into heaven.
Well, I've got a whole list of chores.
"Clean the garage,
paint the house, grout the--"
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'm just trying to get in.
I'm not running for Jesus.
OK, good deed. Good deed.
Hello.
(horn honking)
BOY SCOUTS: Hey, a chance for a good deed.
No, she's mine!
Oh, my Lord--
Wh-what's happening to me?
People can see up my bustle.
Hey, stop squirming.
(yells)
(loud splat)
Uh-oh.
Uh... I'm pretty sure
she was going to be the next Hitler.
Hello? Good deed done.
(bell rings)
Let's see... Good deed.
(yells)
(screams)
Got to find a good deed.
(groaning and laughing)
Bingo!
♪ Your daddy's dead ♪
♪ Mine's just in jail ♪
Nelson...
Huh? Who said that?
I am the ghost of...
Gotcha.
(laughing)
Bart, help!
(yelling and moaning)
Just one minute left to get into heaven.
There's got to be some good deed I can do.
Come on. Think. Think!
-My baby! -(baby crying)
Stop that crying.
Man, you're annoying.
Oh, it's a miracle!
Thank heavens.
HOMER: Whoo-hoo!
Did you see that?
I did the deed! Open up!
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I wasn't looking.
Hey, I thought you guys could see everything.
No, you're thinking of Santa Claus.
Well, I'll be damned.
I'm afraid so, yes.
(screaming)
(whimpering)
I am Homer Simpson.
Silence, sinner!
Prepare for an eternity
of horrible pain!
(whimpering)
Ha-ha.
(screaming and crying)
Oh, be quiet.
You'll wake up John Wayne.
I'm already up.
(buzzing)
Son, I don't like you watching that fire.
It's too violent.
(explosion)
(laughing)
You're missing the best part, sister.
Forget that stupid book.
But these fairy tales take me away
from the harsh reality of peasant life.
Aw, it's not so bad.
Ow!
Oh, I just got over the plague.
Hello, wife.
Hello, children.
Who's up for a merry jig?
Do-de-do, do-de-do...
Ow!
Oh, who am I kidding?
I'm not merry.
I lost my job as an oaf today.
What?
Oh, why are the oafs
always the first to go?
Maybe you could be a dunce, father.
-Really? -Hey!
What do you think?
Do you love it?
(screams) Oh, oh!
Oh, I'm no dunce.
I was born an oaf and I'll die an oaf.
But, husband, without your weekly pittance,
how shall we feed our children?
Don't worry.
No child will ever starve in my home.
So long kids.
-(kids scream) -Enjoy your new home!
Say hi to your other brother and sister.
(both grunt)
Other brother and sister?
(both scream)
Face it, they're not great parents.
No! That bridge has a troll under it.
-Yah! -Yah!
Everything in this forest is from a fairy tale.
And this book can keep us one step ahead.
Ah Jeez, I came on too strong again.
Oh, I'm so desperately lonely.
(owl hooting)
Hello!
Lost lovable orphans!
-(creaking) -(gasps)
Hmm, bowls of porridge.
Oh, this seems somehow familiar.
Let's see.
Hmm...
Oh, whoa, too hot.
Oh, too cold.
Well, this doesn't take a genius.
(gasp)
We're in the Three Bears' house!
(creaking)
(gasps)
(humming)
(slam)
(panting)
That was close.
I wonder where Goldilocks was?
(yawning)
Oh, that bed was just right.
Gah!
Oh, no!
(bears roaring)
(pounding)
(Goldilocks screaming)
(moaning)
Boy, dumping your kids in the forest
sure gets your hands dusty.
What?
You threw our precious babies
into the woods?
We could have sold them.
Go back and get them.
Here's a better idea.
I know how we can replace those children.
(purrs)
Son!
Daughter!
I'm ever so sorry!
(woman la-la-ing to tune of "Greensleeves")
Brave sir knight, I pray you!
Climb up and rescue me!
Hmm. Hmm.
Ow! No, wait!
Wait!
-(ripping) -D'oh!
(groans)
(whistling)
Wow, a house made of gingerbread.
Come on in, my darlings.
The best candies are inside.
Wait. Let me check the book.
(cackling)
Aw, she seems nice.
I'm going to go with my gut and trust her.
You're probably right.
(cackling)
Sweep faster. It's almost time for your beating.
Oh, this is horrible.
Horribly delicious.
(chomping)
You know, she's only fattening you up
so she can eat you.
Ah, what are you going to do?
Well, at least stop basting yourself.
Stop your chattering and sweep!
-This house is filthy. -So what do you care?
It's not like you have friends.
I have a boyfriend.
-Yeah, right. -Sure.
What? I do!
Oh, yeah? What's his name?
Uh, George...
Cauldron.
George Cauldron?
Maybe he can fix me up with Ed Ladle.
(laughing)
That's it!
Into the oven with you!
No! (screaming)
Oh, no!
-Ah! -What?
Mmm, sugar walls.
Father, I knew you'd rescue us!
Hmm. Rescue you, stuff myself with candy, it's all good.
Oh, that's a load-bearing candy cane!
You clumsy oaf!
D'oh!
(whimpering)
(gasps)
Hyah!
(shouts) Ooh!
(shouts)
(gasps)
That all you got?
Huh, huh?
(grunting and groaning)
(sniffing)
Hmm, fish.
Oh, no, that's me! Agh!
Come on. Get me out of here!
(speaking indistinctly)
(doorbell ringing)
Just a minute!
(grunting)
(screaming)
WITCH: Oh, god, no!
Let me out!
I couldn't be in more pain!
(screaming)
(crackling)
(sighs)
Er, hello, I'm George Cauldron.
Is Suzanne ready yet?
Almost, just give her another 20 minutes.
(laughing)
But the concert's at 8:00.
(chomping)
Well, we're still poor
but thanks to your father,
we'll never go hungry.
Speaking of which, how about seconds?
Coming up.
(humming)
(panting, straining)
D'oh!
(crowd speaking indistinctly)
Let's give Snorky a big hand.
-(applause) -Whoo! Yay, Snorky!
Now, we're going to need a volunteer to frolic with Snorky
so raise your hand if you want to be--
(clamoring)
(shrieks, whines)
Oh, Snorky.
MAN: Folks, we're heating up the lobster tank
so hurry on over
if you want to pet 'em
before you eat 'em.
(indistinct chatter)
It's OK. They're gone now.
You can...
Hey, where you going?
(chittering, dolphins calling)
(chittering)
Oh. You want to be with your friends.
Um...
(squeaks)
Oh...
(alarm buzzing)
It's getting away.
Kill it!
Go on.
Swim to freedom. Go!
(guns cocking)
Ahh!
(chittering)
Ahh!
Ew, yech!
(chittering)
(squeaking)
(chittering)
(squeaking)
(continues squeaking)
Mmm. Alcohol and night swimming.
It's a winning combination.
Uh-oh. Sharks.
The assassins of the sea.
-(chittering) -Ooh. Hey, you're not sharks.
You're dolphins.
The clowns of the sea.
Ow! Ow!
Hey, what's the gag?
(shrieking) Ow!
Hmm. Bottlenose bruises.
Blowhole burns.
Flipper prints.
This looks like the work of rowdy teens.
Lou, cancel the prom.
Yarrgh. It begins.
The dolphins are upon us
and only this old sea dog
knows how to stop the... Yarrgh!
Ar. Arr!
(laughing)
(squeaking)
(chittering)
(squeaking)
(chanting)
(repeating chanting)
(whining)
(whimpers)
HOMER: Two krusty shakes, a doughnut burger with cheese
and a party-size bucket of flan.
(dolphin chittering)
Yes, I will have fries with that.
-(engine revving) -(tires screeching)
Huh. Anything to get out of work.
Our top story-- killer dolphins.
Kill dolphins?
The recent wave of murders...
(man shrieks)
(groans)
Um... Di... Did I say "killer dolphins"?
I meant killer... Italians.
Great, bottlenose, intelligent Italians.
Intelligent Italians?
Something's wrong.
It's dolphins.
We have to stop them.
If we speak in low-frequency voices
I don't think they can...
Ow!
(all gasping)
Those dolphins seem bent on mayhem.
We've got to warn grampa.
(busy signal)
Hmm. Phone's off the hook.
Everything must be OK.
(straining)
Oh, I'm going to give your liver such a punching!
(murmuring)
(banging gavel)
People, please.
We're all frightened and horny,
but we can't let some killer dolphins
keep us from living and scoring.
(squeaking)
(all gasping)
(squeaking)
Willie, must you do that now?
Ugh. You want streaks?
'Cause if you interrupt me, that's what you'll get.
Och.
-(guns cocking) -(gasping)
(all gasping)
(chittering)
It's approaching the podium.
Surely it cannot speak.
Snorky... talk...
man...
(clearing throat)
I'm sorry, let me start over.
Eons ago, dolphins lived on the land.
-(gasping) -What did he say?
He said dolphins used
to live on the land.
What?
Then your ancestors
drove us into the sea
where we've suffered for millions of years.
But you seemed so happy in the ocean.
All that playful leaping.
We were trying to get out.
It's cold, it's wet.
Every morning I wake up phlegmy.
That's all that sewage we keep dumping.
(gasps) That was you?
It was her all right.
Take the one who wronged you.
I, King Snorky, hereby banish all humans to the sea.
(gasping)
Yeah!
(indistinct chatter)
KRUSTY: Pushy dolphins.
(indistinct chatter)
I-I tuned out. W-where we going?
Wait. Stop.
We can outsmart those dolphins.
Don't forget, we invented computers,
leg-warmers, bendy straws, peel-and-eat shrimp,
the glory hole, and the pudding cup.
I'm not going to let a few hoop-jumping tuna-munchers
push me around!
(grunts)
Uh-oh.
(all gasping)
(squeaks)
Jeez, so many dolphins.
(squeaking)
-(whimpers) -Oh, no, you poor thing...
Here... Ow!
-Son of a-- -Hey, leave my daughter alone.
Come on, humans.
We've wiped out entire species before,
we can do it again!
Yeah!
Get 'em!
(punches landing)
(grunting and groaning)
Ah! Oh! Ah! Oh! Help!
Ooh! If I could just...
Ooh! This is really not... Ooh!
You're hurting my... Ooh!
Ow!
Ow! Ooh! Ow!
(slingshot thwacks)
Come on, lads!
Let's drive 'em back to the ocean!
(crowd screaming)
(bell chiming)
Well, you got to hand it to those dolphins.
They just wanted it more.
I kind of wish I hadn't freed their leader.
And, you know... doomed mankind.
Oh, honey, I wouldn't say "doomed."
It's going to be an adjustment, no question.
But... Ugh...
Can you believe it, Kodos?
They left us out of the Halloween show.
Are you sure the space phone is working?
-(dial tone) -Hang up.
They could be trying to call right now.
I knew we should have sent them a muffin basket.
(phone ringing)
Kang and Kodos productions.
Uh-huh. Yes.
Just a second.
Do we want to do a commercial
for something called "Old Navy"?
Mmm, work is work.
(theme music playing)
(screaming)
Captioned by Visual Data Media Services