CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
(theme music playing)
(bell ringing)
(whistle blowing)
(beeping)
(playing the blues)
(tires screeching)
(clanging)
(honking horn)
D'oh!
-(screams) -(tires screeching)
(indistinct chatter)
(giggling)
Five, four, three, two, one.
Well, that's all the time we have.
So long, kids!
-(laughing) -(cheering)
ANNOUNCER: Krusty the Clown is brought to you by
the new GameStation 256.
It's slightly faster, to the max.
BART: 256?
Oh, and I'm stuck with this useless 252.
(voice from playstation) Don't destroy me.
I can still make you happy to the max!
Here's a headline for Jay,
"Ketchup Truck Hits Hamburger Stand."
(chortling)
Mom, can I have 200 bucks for a 256-K GameStation?
That's less than a dollar a K!
Oh, I might be able to help you.
With a song about thrift. (plays reference note)
♪ When you get a penny from a chum ♪
♪ Don't just buy some bubble gum ♪
♪ Put it in your cap put it in your cap ♪
♪ When you find a nickel in the snow ♪
♪ Don't blow it on a picture show ♪
♪ Put it in your cap put it in your cap ♪
I don't have a cap.
♪ When you spy a quarter in a pie... ♪
(sighs)
You want money?
Get a job, like your old man.
Well, maybe I should.
So, now you're smarter than your old man, eh?
-I guess. -I like your attitude.
Take what you need.
(sighs)
(bell dinging)
Nice day's work, kid.
This is for you.
BART: You're paying me in hair? Are you insane?
(laughing maniacally)
(whimpers)
Man, I need a job.
You need job.
I have job for you.
You take these.
You hang Thai menu on door.
I get more business.
Send daughters to small, liberal arts college.
Swarthmore, maybe Sarah Lawrence.
Call professors by first name...
Ha! Dynamite!
Hang them on the door, got it.
(Bart whistling)
Hey, no menus!
Or I'll cut you like a box...
along the flaps!
(panting)
You quitter!
(in sing-song voice) Quitter boy! Quitter Boy!
I'm sorry.
Now, restaurant fail.
Children go to state college.
Serious students powerless against drunken jockocracy.
Baseball hats everywhere.
Hey, man, this job is too dangerous.
Menu boy no be coward, like shrimp.
Menu boy be brave, like prawn.
Menu boy must move silently, like ghost.
Leave no footprint, only lunch specials.
Hai.
(grunting)
(theme music from The Matrix playing)
(snarling)
(inaudible dialogue)
(gasping and muttering)
Well, I never...
(groans) What a waste.
(splashing)
(gasps)
There you go little fish.
Oh...
Bart, do you know how many trees died
to make those menus?
I don't know. A million?
You're ruining the Earth.
True, but I gots to get paid.
Money was funny, Sister.
BART: Oh, Betty.
Bart, it's so sweet of you
to take the family out to Krusty Burger.
Hey, some people in this family are doers
and some are don't-ers.
Don't you call me a--
(grunts)
Take that, Lisa's beliefs.
(laughing)
Oh, how cute!
Kids, look who's on the roof!
I knew this day would come.
The cows are taking back what's theirs.
No. I think they're protesters.
Hey, there are cows on the roof.
I thought my pager was busted.
-(boots squeaking) -Get back in.
It's only funny with a small car.
(sighing)
(sirens blaring)
ALL (chanting): Take down the clown!
Take down the clown!
Listen, I'm on your side.
Let's get a dialogue going.
Take out the mother cow.
-The rest will follow. -(guns cocking)
(man's voice) Your corporation cuts down the rain forest
to create grazing land for cattle!
Oh, for the love of...
Give me that!
(crowd gasping)
No, you can't!
Don't worry, honey.
They're just firing beanbags.
(all groaning)
(man's voice) You can't silence the truth with beanbags.
Oh! (groans)
That's nice work with the bag-zooka.
Got to love what you do, chief. Mm-hmm.
(gasping) Are you all right?
(strains)
I've had worse.
(gasping)
In New Orleans, they hose us with Tabasco.
Oh, you're so heroic.
All right, cow-boy.
I'll see you in moo-nicipal court.
Huh! Good one, Chief.
What? What'd I say?
I can't believe how young he is.
He'd be cute if he weren't so idealistic.
Mmm!
(horn honking)
Look, Marge, I'm in a limo!
The Simpsons are going to Paris.
The eco-radical group Dirt First,
staged a daring protest today at Krusty Burger.
Krusty the Clown has issued the following statement,
"This, I don't need."
The group is led by teenage activist Jesse Grass,
a dreadlocked dreamboat whose Birken... stock is on the rise.
(sighing deeply)
HOMER: Boring.
Ah, the Luftwaffe.
The Washington Generals of the History Channel.
Dad, change it back.
Yeah, that was the boy Lisa likes.
No, I don't.
"Lisa and Jesse sitting in a tree
"K-I-S-S-I-N-G"
Shut up!
"First comes love, then comes..." Um...
Damn it, I know this.
I'd like to visit a prisoner.
Yeah, sure.
Aren't you coming with me?
Hey, I get enough flaming toilet paper
thrown on me at home.
MAN: Fire in the hole!
Jesse?
(exhales)
You do yoga?
Yeah, but I started before it was cool.
My name's Lisa Simpson.
I think your protest was incredibly brave.
Thank you. This planet needs every friend it can get.
Oh, the Earth is the best.
That's why I'm a vegetarian.
(chuckles) Well, that's a start.
Oh, well, um, I was thinking of going vegan.
(chuckles) I'm a level-five vegan.
I won't eat anything that casts a shadow.
Wow.
Um, I started an organic compost pile at home.
Only at home?
You mean you don't pocket-mulch?
Oh, it's so decomposed.
Do you think I could join Dirt First?
Well, we might have an opening at the poser level.
Oh, thank you, thank you!
Have a good time at your hippie club.
You've welcome to come, too.
No, I like to save the environment my own way.
(tires squealing)
HOMER: Mmm... donuts.
I am happy to report we've succeeded in blocking
the St. Patrick's Day Parade,
which every year steps on several lizards.
-Right on! -Death to humans!
Don't celebrate yet.
The mayor had a secret tree auction last night.
What am I bid for the logging rights
to Springfield's oldest redwood tree?
$30,000 to make cages for animal experimentation.
$50,000 for Thai menus.
Daughter on wait list at Bennington.
100,000 simoleons
to make the world's first drive-through humidor.
Sold to the rich Texan.
Yee-haw! Yippi-i-ki-yi-yay!
Whoo, doggies!
(whooping)
Thanks to Caleb for the tape.
How'd you sneak that camera in?
I got my ways.
They can't cut down that sequoia
if one of us is living in it.
Any volunteers?
I'll do it!
Man, I am so there!
Me, me, me.
Whoa, hold on.
Once you're up there, you can't come down.
Not for a Phish concert, not even for Burning Man.
(subdued murmuring)
Well, someone will hear the call...
and whoever does will have a place in my heart.
Mm-hmm. (sighs)
Sheesh, look at these refugees.
How about a smile?
They've undergone terrible hardships.
Well, moping won't make it better.
Mom, Dad, there's something I have to do.
You're not going to like it,
but I really believe it's the right thing.
Marge, she's going to narc on our stash.
We don't have a stash.
No, of... course not.
(grunts)
(gasps)
Wow.
Oh, I didn't think it would be so high.
Maybe I could just circulate a petition.
(chuckles weakly)
(clucking)
Ooh, I'll show you.
(grunting)
(grunting continues)
(moaning)
(panting)
Well, this looks like a good place to set up camp.
Wow, what a view.
(vehicles approaching)
Gentlemen, start your chainsaw.
(chainsaws buzzing)
LISA: Not so fast!
Now, you come down from there, missy.
(loudly) I won't come down till you spare this tree!
Hang in there, Laura!
It's Lisa!
Right. Lisa! You're hard-core!
(softly) Oh, he said I was hard-core.
(yelling)
(grunting)
(tires screeching)
Oh, no! My baby's up there!
It's OK, Mom! I have a safety line.
This is your fault with your non-threatening
Bobby Sherman-style good looks.
No girl could resist your charms.
This was her choice, Mr. Simpson.
I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.
I was lost in your eyes.
All right! A care bucket.
(grunting)
Hot Thai soup.
Oh, Bart.
"Dear Lisa, you rock.
Mom is calling rescue agencies.
Dad is building a giant ladder, but it is of poor quality.
We miss you. Bart."
Ah!
It's day four
for Springfield's "li'lest" tree hugger. (chuckles)
Excuse me. That's "littlest" tree hugger.
And whether you love or hate her politics,
you've got to go gawk at this crazy idiot.
(thunder cracking)
Oh... Oh, 7:00.
The family's just sitting down to dinner.
Aw...
-(choking) -(grunting)
You call that saying grace?
(yelling)
(thunder rumbling)
LISA: Oh, now, they're making popcorn
and hanging Christmas stockings
and coloring Easter eggs.
Oh, I can't take it.
Would it be so bad if I just went home for an hour?
(grunting) Whoa.
Don't worry, I'll be right back. (kissing)
Ew, someone's been marking their territory.
Hey, everybody, I'm...
(snoring)
Aw...
I'll just rest here for a minute.
(sighs)
(birds twittering)
(Maggie babbling)
(gasps) Oh.
Oh, it's morning. I got to get back.
(gasps)
Oh, no!
Oh, Mom, those loggers chopped down the tree.
Why did I have to leave my post?
Now, honey, let's turn on the news
and forget our troubles.
Springfield's oldest resident has died.
No, it wasn't Mr. Burns.
It was this majestic, old redwood
which was brutally cut down last night.
(sighs)
Not by loggers, but by lightning.
Lightning?
(relieved sigh)
At least, it wasn't my fault.
Lightning attracted by this metal bucket.
(groans)
Still unknown is the fate
of tree-sitter Lisa Simpson.
I'm afraid it doesn't look good, Kent.
We found her sleeping bag right here.
Our working theory is that
the lightning exploded her.
-Back to you, Kent. -You don't get to say that.
KENT: Good-bye, Lisa. We'll miss you.
Oh, no! Lisa's gone!
And nothing will bring her back!
(sobs)
Unless...
Dad! I'm not dead.
Oh, praise God! You're alive!
Unless...
Oh, my! They made you a shrine.
I loved Lisa Simpson.
Loved her like shrub
and I would give anything to see her sweet face again.
Oh. (giggling)
But in death, she will do more for our cause
than she ever could've done in life.
Uh-huh. In Texas, we do tragedy right.
That's why, in memory of that poor little girl,
I'm turning this entire forest
into the Lisa Simpson Wilderness Preserve.
We won, Lisa.
We finally won.
This... is for you.
(gasps) He cut off his favorite dread.
(clicks TV off) We have to tell them
you're not dead.
No, Mom! It's a memorial forest now.
If I'm alive, they'll cut it down.
You are not pretending to be dead, young lady.
This family has had nothing but bad luck
-when it comes to farce. -(doorbell rings)
Homer, it's Neddy!
I baked you a little something to ease the pain.
Oh! (groaning)
Must hide Lisa.
(falsetto) Come in!
So, Bart, our school policy is to give students
in your situation... straight A's.
Get out! What's the catch?
The tragic loss of your sister.
Ah, yes. Ghastly business, that.
(tires screeching)
Grieving father, coming through.
Homer, uh, booze is on the house,
seeing as how Lisa is, um...
How do I put this, uh...
riding the midnight train to Slab City.
Thanks for the beer, Moe.
But before Lisa died, she made this tape
that I think you should hear.
LISA: Dear Moe, if anything should ever happen to me,
I want you to tear up my Dad's tab
and pour cocktail onions... Dad, I can't--
HOMER (on tape): Read it!
LISA: ...pour cocktail onions
down your pants.
Well, I ain't never said no to a dead girl yet.
(groans)
And now Branford Marsalis will play
using Lisa's very own saxophone.
Don't touch it!
They can clone her from the spit!
(sobbing)
Good luck, Milhouse.
And finally, an exciting announcement
from our good friends at Omni-Pave.
Folks, last night, the dear, departed Lisa came to me in a dream.
She told me her fondest wish was that this forest
would become the world's rootin'est,
tootin'est, pollutin'est amusement park!
(shocked murmurs)
APU: It was Lisa's dream.
You promised us a nature preserve.
Now, don't you fret.
We're sensitive to all your eco concerns.
-(chainsaw buzzing) -That's it, boys.
The gift shop will go right there.
Yee-haw! Cut it down! (laughs)
-LISA: No! -(crowd murmuring)
(all gasping)
(stuttering) A girl!
I'm not dead.
And neither is my sense of moral outrage.
Oh, here we go.
Sir, have you no shame?
Clearly, I don't.
(chittering)
Now get your heinie off of Lisa Land.
A redwood is not a promotional tool.
Good Lord! He's cutting the guy-wires.
(crackling)
(tree creaking)
(screaming)
(crowd clamoring)
(cheering)
Nice work, tree.
Now, return to me.
What?
Oh, right. I don't have superpowers...
just yet.
Sweet!
It's headed for the business district.
Not my company!
(screams)
(glass shattering)
No!
It was Finger Ling-Ling Good!
-(screams) -(glass shattering)
ALL: No!
Yee-haw!
Score one for the bad guys! (laughs)
Hey, Lisa.
Aw, Jesse, they locked you up again.
Yeah, but I'm still fighting for the Earth.
I even got them to install a solar-powered electric chair.
Dude, we've been here all morning.
Could you at least re-moisten my head sponge?
Well, I'll write you letters
on rice paper, with a soy pencil.
Aw, you're sweet.
-(kisses) -(giddy sigh)
Did they ever stop the log?
Not yet.
What's up with that?
("This Land Is Your Land" parody playing)
♪ This log is your log ♪
♪ This log is my log ♪
♪ When lightning struck it ♪
♪ It kicked the bucket ♪
♪ I poured some onions ♪
♪ Inside my trou...sers ♪
♪ This log it used to be a tree ♪
(honks horn)
♪ Now, it spreads love to you and me ♪
♪ Hey, look it's heading out to sea ♪
(theme music from The Matrix playing)
Shh!
Captioned by Visual Data Media Services