1 00:00:01,918 --> 00:00:02,836 (theme music playing) 2 00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:06,548 CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 3 00:00:16,933 --> 00:00:18,643 (bell ringing) 4 00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,275 (whistle blows) 5 00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:30,822 (beeping) 6 00:00:35,326 --> 00:00:37,620 (playing the blues) 7 00:00:38,246 --> 00:00:40,874 (jazzy solo) 8 00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:48,590 (chimes) 9 00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:53,970 (tires screeching) 10 00:00:58,850 --> 00:00:59,851 (honking horn) 11 00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:05,398 D'oh! 12 00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:06,733 (screaming) 13 00:01:06,816 --> 00:01:07,817 (tires screeching) 14 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:09,235 -Whee! -Whoo-hoo! 15 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:11,863 -Ya-haa! -Yee-- Oh! D'oh! 16 00:01:20,830 --> 00:01:23,083 (sign buzzing) 17 00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:28,588 {\an8}♪ Happy First "A" Bart Simpson ♪ 18 00:01:28,671 --> 00:01:31,591 {\an8}♪ Happy First "A" 19 00:01:31,674 --> 00:01:35,053 {\an8}♪ To you ♪ 20 00:01:35,136 --> 00:01:37,472 {\an8}-Hey! -Oh, yes! 21 00:01:37,555 --> 00:01:39,099 {\an8}Thank you, thank you. 22 00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:41,226 {\an8}Now that our son is an honor student 23 00:01:41,309 --> 00:01:43,436 {\an8}I'm going to get one of those bumper stickers 24 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:46,022 {\an8}that informs strangers of that fact. 25 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,398 {\an8}Just a cotton-picking minute! 26 00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:49,651 {\an8}I've been getting A's since Gymboree. 27 00:01:49,734 --> 00:01:50,735 {\an8}What do you want, a medal? 28 00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:52,028 You gave Bart one. 29 00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:53,279 (Bart chuckles) 30 00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:55,323 (whimpering) We love you. 31 00:01:55,406 --> 00:01:58,118 An "A" in Astronomy! 32 00:01:58,201 --> 00:01:59,619 {\an8}How'd you do it? 33 00:01:59,702 --> 00:02:01,454 {\an8}I just buckled down and studied. 34 00:02:01,538 --> 00:02:02,872 {\an8}(laughs) No, really. 35 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:03,873 {\an8}Well, 36 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:07,585 {\an8}it all started last week in Krabappel's class. 37 00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:11,881 I was trying to breed the hamster with the lizard 38 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,134 to create an unholy super-creature 39 00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:18,429 when I saw an even worse crime against nature! 40 00:02:18,513 --> 00:02:21,891 (both moaning) 41 00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,977 {\an8}Ah, head lice inspection day. 42 00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:25,478 {\an8}While the kids are out getting their nits picked, 43 00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:27,522 {\an8}we can have our own private cootie call. 44 00:02:27,605 --> 00:02:28,982 {\an8}Oh, you talk too much. 45 00:02:29,065 --> 00:02:30,316 {\an8}Let's do it on Martin's desk. 46 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:31,985 It is usually the cleanest. 47 00:02:32,068 --> 00:02:33,403 (both grunt) 48 00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:36,072 KRABAPPEL: Ooh! 49 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,198 {\an8}Oh! 50 00:02:37,282 --> 00:02:39,325 {\an8}BART: I needed to get my mind on something else. 51 00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:40,618 Anything else. 52 00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:42,162 And for the first time in my life, 53 00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:44,289 education was the answer. 54 00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:46,624 "Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars..." 55 00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:48,168 SKINNER: Come on, Edna, don't be tardy! 56 00:02:48,251 --> 00:02:49,794 {\an8}"Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars... 57 00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,254 {\an8}Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, 58 00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:52,255 {\an8}Pluto." 59 00:02:52,755 --> 00:02:54,507 {\an8}So when I took the test, 60 00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:56,676 {\an8}the answers were stuck in my brain. 61 00:02:56,759 --> 00:02:58,803 {\an8}It was like a whole different kind of cheating! 62 00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:00,930 {\an8}Well, we couldn't be prouder. 63 00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,140 {\an8}Excuse me, sir. 64 00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:04,100 {\an8}Your credit card has been rejected. 65 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,768 (computerized male voice) D eadbeat. Deadbeat. Deadbeat. 66 00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:07,729 {\an8}Oh, how embarrassing. 67 00:03:07,812 --> 00:03:11,024 {\an8}Well, let me just give you one of my many other valid-- (yells) 68 00:03:11,107 --> 00:03:12,859 {\an8}-Run! -(yelling) 69 00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:15,361 {\an8}♪ They're getting away ♪ 70 00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:18,198 {\an8}♪ Stop them, Mary Kay ♪ 71 00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:22,076 {\an8}(gasps) 72 00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:27,123 OK. So we can't pay for your precious food. 73 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,708 What are you gonna do about it? 74 00:03:28,791 --> 00:03:31,169 ♪ Baila bamba ♪ 75 00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:33,671 {\an8}♪ Baila bamba ♪ 76 00:03:34,839 --> 00:03:37,258 {\an8}(plays chord flourish) 77 00:03:37,342 --> 00:03:39,510 {\an8}(groans) Can we go now? 78 00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:40,428 No, no. 79 00:03:40,511 --> 00:03:43,139 {\an8}Your playing, while technically proficient, lacks passion. 80 00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:46,476 Fine. You want passion? I'll give you passion. 81 00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:49,145 (deep, sultry voice): ♪ Blue ♪ 82 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:52,982 ♪ Spanish eyes ♪ 83 00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:58,905 ♪ Teardrops are falling from your Spanish eyes ♪♪ 84 00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:03,743 When did this happen? 85 00:04:03,826 --> 00:04:07,413 When did we become the bottom rung of society? 86 00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:10,500 I think it was when that cold snap killed off all the hoboes. 87 00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:12,627 Dad, what happened to the backseat? 88 00:04:12,710 --> 00:04:14,754 I had to sell it for gas money. 89 00:04:14,837 --> 00:04:16,923 (engine sputtering) 90 00:04:17,006 --> 00:04:17,882 (engine stops) 91 00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:20,635 Which I spent on a novelty horn. 92 00:04:20,718 --> 00:04:22,470 (horn plays "Charge!") 93 00:04:22,553 --> 00:04:25,265 Maybe we should talk to a financial planner. 94 00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:27,976 Financial panther, eh? 95 00:04:29,519 --> 00:04:32,272 Mr. Simpson, you're a dollar overdrawn. 96 00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:33,273 Get him, Sheba! 97 00:04:33,356 --> 00:04:34,315 (growling) 98 00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:35,942 -Ow, ow! -(laughing) 99 00:04:36,025 --> 00:04:36,901 I'm on board. 100 00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:40,488 You haven't set aside anything for the future. 101 00:04:40,571 --> 00:04:41,990 You know how it is with cops. 102 00:04:42,073 --> 00:04:44,200 I'll get shot three days before retirement. 103 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:47,662 -In the business we call it "retirony." -What if you don't get shot? 104 00:04:47,745 --> 00:04:49,747 -What a terrible thing to say. -(crying) 105 00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:51,791 Now, look. You made my wife cry. 106 00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:55,878 Well, I see you have several mortgages... 107 00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:59,299 credit card debt, no savings, and you're supporting your father? 108 00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:03,011 -Just give the word, and I'll cut him off. -I couldn't ask you to do that. 109 00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:04,262 -Consider it done. -(computer beeping) 110 00:05:04,345 --> 00:05:05,305 Based on these figures, 111 00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:08,683 I'm afraid you'll need to declare bankruptcy... several times. 112 00:05:08,766 --> 00:05:09,976 Just look at this projection. 113 00:05:10,059 --> 00:05:11,019 {\an8}(music playing) 114 00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:17,692 {\an8}(Homer gasps) Marge, your posture looks terrible. 115 00:05:17,775 --> 00:05:21,988 What's interesting is you'll continue losing money even after you're dead. 116 00:05:22,071 --> 00:05:24,615 Your grave sites will go untended and vandalized. 117 00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:26,743 Ha-ha! (coughs) 118 00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:30,538 Mr. Simpson, your intelligence profile indicates that you're too... 119 00:05:30,621 --> 00:05:32,415 "stupid" to stick to a budget. 120 00:05:32,498 --> 00:05:34,959 -Yes. Go on. -So, let me put this simply. 121 00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:37,503 -You need more money. -But how do I get it? 122 00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:41,466 (laughs) I'm a financial planner, not a financial consultant. 123 00:05:41,549 --> 00:05:43,426 -HOMER: Sorry. -Now I'd like my fee, please. 124 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:46,554 (grunts) 125 00:05:47,096 --> 00:05:49,015 I know you're not a deaf-mute, Mr. Simpson. 126 00:05:49,098 --> 00:05:51,059 We've been talking for the last 20 minutes. 127 00:05:52,810 --> 00:05:54,562 -(yells) -Ah! 128 00:05:55,563 --> 00:05:56,481 (crow caws) 129 00:05:58,274 --> 00:06:00,943 Uh, sir, I have a small personal request. 130 00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:03,154 Oh, of course, Smithers. Anything. 131 00:06:05,323 --> 00:06:08,701 I disabled the button, sir. Anyway, I need some time off. 132 00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:11,954 {\an8}As you know, I've been writing a musical about the Malibu Stacy doll. 133 00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:14,791 A show about a doll? (laughs) 134 00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:18,711 Why-- Why not write a musical about the common cat or the king of Siam? 135 00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:21,214 (laughs) Give it up, Smithers. 136 00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:24,008 Actually, sir, we've been booked into a small theater in New Mexico. 137 00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:28,596 Whoa. Whoa. Slow down there, maestro. There's a new Mexico? 138 00:06:28,679 --> 00:06:32,725 Yes. I want to go there and make my dream come true. I'll just be gone for a week. 139 00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:36,312 Oh, fine. I can amuse myself. 140 00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:38,314 {\an8}Curses. It's jammed. 141 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:39,524 {\an8}(groans) 142 00:06:39,607 --> 00:06:41,901 Ho, ho, ho, hi-larious! 143 00:06:44,737 --> 00:06:46,697 Well, with the old ball and chain gone, 144 00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:49,242 maybe I can finally have a little fun at the office. 145 00:06:49,325 --> 00:06:51,536 (humming) 146 00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:53,663 Ah! A candy shop. 147 00:06:53,746 --> 00:06:56,332 Yes. I'll take two pounds of Bristol's toffee. 148 00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:59,252 Oh, and don't wrap it too tightly. I'm hungry now. 149 00:07:02,046 --> 00:07:05,216 You've made a powerful enemy today, my friend. 150 00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:08,302 Ah! 151 00:07:08,386 --> 00:07:11,514 Wow. I never seen you have so many lunch beers before, Homer. 152 00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:12,807 Oh, I... concur. 153 00:07:13,891 --> 00:07:15,101 Word-a-day Calendar. 154 00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:20,523 I'm just trying to work up the courage to ask Burns for a raise. 155 00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:22,859 Or a highly paid internship. 156 00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:25,194 Something to solve my money woes. 157 00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:29,615 Hmm. This must be some sort of cafetorium. 158 00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:33,369 Uh, here's your chance, Homer. Mr. Burns just... 159 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:34,704 entered the room. 160 00:07:37,331 --> 00:07:38,207 Hmm. 161 00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:42,628 (grunting) What is this? 162 00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:45,631 Some kind of force field around these vegetables. 163 00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:50,011 That's the sneeze guard. You have to lean under it to get salad or sneeze on stuff. 164 00:07:50,094 --> 00:07:53,973 Ah. Everything's so green and alive. 165 00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:59,520 Mr. Burns, I was wondering if I could get a raise. 166 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,772 What kind of a raise? 167 00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:04,025 -Whopping? -I see. 168 00:08:04,108 --> 00:08:06,652 You have 30 seconds to wow me. 169 00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:09,947 Well, sir-- You see, sir, I've worked here a long time 170 00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:11,908 and my wife has a game leg. 171 00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:13,826 And my kids have game things as well. 172 00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:16,245 (scoffs) I don't want to hear your whining. 173 00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:20,208 I'm a bored and joyless old man. Give me a "larf." 174 00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:23,127 A " larf'? OK. Let's see what's in the news today. 175 00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:24,629 Oh, for the love of-- 176 00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:29,050 -Hurl this at that. -At Lenny? But he's a war hero. 177 00:08:29,133 --> 00:08:31,511 -Well, let's decorate him then. -No! 178 00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:35,306 -Not even for... four dollars? -(grunts) 179 00:08:35,389 --> 00:08:38,809 Ow! My eye! I'm not supposed to get pudding in it! 180 00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:40,019 (laughs) 181 00:08:40,102 --> 00:08:43,064 That was capital. My lung is aching. 182 00:08:43,147 --> 00:08:45,316 I liked when I threw the pudding. 183 00:08:45,399 --> 00:08:47,360 Do it again. I'll make it an even eight. 184 00:08:47,443 --> 00:08:50,696 -You're the boss. (grunts) -Ow! I'm in hell! 185 00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:53,324 (laughing) 186 00:08:53,407 --> 00:08:55,451 Let's keep the laughs coming, eh, Simpson? 187 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:58,996 What say I make you my executive in charge of recreation? 188 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:02,083 No. No. Better yet, my prank monkey. 189 00:09:02,166 --> 00:09:03,501 Will you keep giving me money? 190 00:09:03,584 --> 00:09:06,379 I can't have my little monkey running around in rags. 191 00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:07,797 Whoo-hoo! 192 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:09,048 Hey! 193 00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:12,677 What are you doing, man? That's Carl! 194 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:13,928 Let me help you. 195 00:09:14,011 --> 00:09:16,264 (groaning) 196 00:09:16,347 --> 00:09:17,557 There, there. 197 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:18,558 CARL: Ah! 198 00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:20,351 (chuckles nervously) 199 00:09:22,019 --> 00:09:24,897 MR. BURNS: All right, prank monkey. Let's make mischief. 200 00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:26,399 {\an8}(gulping) Ninety-eight... 201 00:09:27,483 --> 00:09:28,484 ninety-nine... 202 00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:29,902 one hundred. 203 00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:32,863 Oh, if only the real chicks went down this easy. 204 00:09:33,489 --> 00:09:37,910 Look at that comic book fellow calmly eating candy like a Spaniard. 205 00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:40,705 Time for monkey to shine. 206 00:09:40,788 --> 00:09:42,999 (bell jingles) 207 00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:46,836 I'd like to buy a mint condition Spider-Man number one, please. 208 00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:50,089 And I'd like an hour on the holodeck with Seven of Nine. 209 00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:53,884 Oh! Saturn's rings! 210 00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:55,928 Let me get that for you. 211 00:10:06,522 --> 00:10:08,482 {\an8}Paper bag or triple Mylar? 212 00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:10,401 Uh, no, thanks. I'll just eat it here. 213 00:10:11,193 --> 00:10:14,113 Oh, ooh! No! What are you doing? 214 00:10:14,196 --> 00:10:16,782 Good, fair, poor! 215 00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:18,701 (sobbing) 216 00:10:21,203 --> 00:10:24,749 (cackling) 217 00:10:24,832 --> 00:10:27,918 Ah, that was uproarious. First-rate job, monkey. 218 00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:31,589 -Do I get paid now? -Oh, where are my manners? 219 00:10:31,672 --> 00:10:33,966 -There. -(whimpers) 220 00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:35,926 D'oh! 221 00:10:37,845 --> 00:10:40,056 You're so much more fun than Smithers. 222 00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:42,600 Why, he doesn't know the meaning of the word "gay." 223 00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:44,018 (romantic piano intro) 224 00:10:45,853 --> 00:10:49,774 ♪ Sold separately ♪ 225 00:10:49,857 --> 00:10:54,278 ♪ Sometimes I feel like I've been sold ♪ 226 00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:56,781 ♪ Separately ♪ 227 00:10:56,864 --> 00:10:58,616 ♪ But out of the box ♪ 228 00:10:58,699 --> 00:11:03,120 ♪ I find you poseable ♪ 229 00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:06,457 ♪ Lovable ♪ 230 00:11:06,540 --> 00:11:12,296 ♪Just like me ♪ 231 00:11:15,132 --> 00:11:17,343 This is better than a movie... why? 232 00:11:17,426 --> 00:11:19,970 (crowd cheering) 233 00:11:20,846 --> 00:11:22,181 (toilet flushes) 234 00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:25,184 -OK... now! -(grunts) 235 00:11:25,267 --> 00:11:27,687 Little help? Little help, please. 236 00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:29,647 I made a boom-boom. 237 00:11:29,730 --> 00:11:31,482 -Oh, gross! -Not where I pee! 238 00:11:31,565 --> 00:11:33,150 Get that out of here! 239 00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:35,111 The line in the ladies' room is far too long. 240 00:11:35,194 --> 00:11:37,405 and so I hope you don't mind if I-- Oh! 241 00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:38,948 Baby made a boom-boom. 242 00:11:39,281 --> 00:11:42,368 Oh, good heavens! Oh! 243 00:11:42,451 --> 00:11:45,121 -(laughs) Here you go, monkey. -(chuckles) 244 00:11:47,456 --> 00:11:48,457 Ow! 245 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:52,211 (chuckles) There. That's six years' worth of inoculations. 246 00:11:52,294 --> 00:11:54,046 Here you are, my good man. 247 00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:57,383 And while you're at it, throw in one of those polio shots. 248 00:11:57,466 --> 00:11:59,093 Ooh, yes, sir. 249 00:11:59,927 --> 00:12:02,263 Uh, anti-polio. 250 00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:06,559 Homie, where did you get that ball of money? 251 00:12:06,642 --> 00:12:09,979 I've been doing some outside projects for Mr. Burns. 252 00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:12,565 -Really? Like what? -Ah, you know. 253 00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:14,859 Business stuff. Uh, downsizing... 254 00:12:14,942 --> 00:12:17,153 e-solutions, the glass ceiling. 255 00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:21,323 Hmm. Well, I'm proud of you. (affectionate grunt) 256 00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:24,452 You're such a good provider. Kids, come on. 257 00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:26,495 Thank your father for the injections. 258 00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:27,538 BOTH: Thank you, Dad. 259 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:31,000 (elephant trumpets) 260 00:12:37,214 --> 00:12:40,259 Hey, Dad. Can I have some money for a panda cone? 261 00:12:40,342 --> 00:12:43,429 Gah! What do you do with the $68 I send your mother every month? 262 00:12:43,512 --> 00:12:46,140 Weekday Dad wanted a DVD player. 263 00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:49,602 Look at their proud, hopeful faces. 264 00:12:49,685 --> 00:12:52,605 Wait till they see that their rare Chinese panda 265 00:12:52,688 --> 00:12:54,774 is nothing but a fat guy in a suit. 266 00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:56,776 Why do I have to do the Lindy Hop? 267 00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:59,403 Oh, that's the heart of the bit. 268 00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:01,322 (grunting) 269 00:13:01,405 --> 00:13:06,535 Now, courtesy of an anonymous donor, please welcome our new panda, Sim Sim. 270 00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,329 ALL: Yea! 271 00:13:08,412 --> 00:13:11,499 ANNOUNCER: Don't be shy. That-a-girl. 272 00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:13,542 Oh, I think she's getting ready to-- 273 00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,628 Yeah. She's doing the Lindy Hop. 274 00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:18,714 That's it. Twenty-three skiddoo, 24... 275 00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,674 twenty-five skiddoo. 276 00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:23,928 (humming) 277 00:13:24,011 --> 00:13:27,389 Well, it looks like Sim Sim is a little frisky today. 278 00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:29,892 So our trainers are gonna calm her down. 279 00:13:29,975 --> 00:13:31,060 Huh? 280 00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:33,979 Ow! (groaning) Ah! 281 00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:36,816 Don't worry, folks. Because of their thick, thick hides, 282 00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:40,778 pandas only feel the slightest tickle from these powerful electric shocks. 283 00:13:40,861 --> 00:13:43,364 Ow! (screams) 284 00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,158 (happy panda sounds) 285 00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:48,202 Ohh. She's saying "I love you." 286 00:13:48,577 --> 00:13:49,995 (cheering) 287 00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:54,166 Can't... take... the pain. Ow! 288 00:13:54,542 --> 00:13:57,503 -(groaning) -(cheering) 289 00:13:57,586 --> 00:14:01,799 -Sim Sim likes to boogie. -Something's wrong-- terribly wrong. 290 00:14:01,882 --> 00:14:04,718 Hey, there's our resident bull panda, Ping Ping. 291 00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:08,097 With any luck, folks, these two will become 292 00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:10,474 {\an8}very, very close, if you know what I mean. 293 00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:15,437 HOMER: Huh? Help! Mr. Burns! 294 00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:16,397 (cackling) 295 00:14:17,606 --> 00:14:19,316 Ah! (groans) 296 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,151 Oh, look. She's presenting. 297 00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:23,279 We thought this would take years to happen. 298 00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:25,865 (grunting) 299 00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:28,158 -(cheering) -(Homer shrieking) 300 00:14:29,618 --> 00:14:31,912 Ping Ping just asked Sim Sim to marry him... 301 00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:34,331 and I think she just said yes. 302 00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:36,750 CROWD: Aw. 303 00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:39,837 -(screaming) -(Ping Ping growling) 304 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:41,714 HOMER: Oh, my God! 305 00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:44,216 Ha! You ain't goin' nowhere, cutie. 306 00:14:46,927 --> 00:14:48,596 (whimpering) 307 00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:58,397 (grunting) 308 00:14:59,940 --> 00:15:02,776 (whimpering) 309 00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:05,321 Am I glad to see you guys. You gotta call-- 310 00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:08,240 (groans, whimpers) 311 00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:11,327 Dad? The panda was you? 312 00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:14,330 Did you see Daddy dance? 313 00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:16,957 They all saw me dance. 314 00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:19,126 Oh, Dad. 315 00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:23,130 (monkey chittering) 316 00:15:23,213 --> 00:15:26,634 So this is your mysterious new job for Mr. Burns. 317 00:15:26,717 --> 00:15:32,473 Yes. I humiliate myself for fistfuls of cash. (sobbing) 318 00:15:32,556 --> 00:15:34,433 Oh, Dad, you have to stop. 319 00:15:34,516 --> 00:15:37,853 -I know. -(laughing) Well done, monkey. 320 00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:41,315 That other panda gave some unexpected zazz to the festivities, eh? 321 00:15:41,398 --> 00:15:44,068 Maybe for you. How come you didn't rescue me? 322 00:15:44,151 --> 00:15:47,655 (laughs) Too busy trying to keep my sides from splitting. 323 00:15:47,738 --> 00:15:49,907 It's happened before. 324 00:15:49,990 --> 00:15:52,952 Monty say, monkey do. What could be better? 325 00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:54,995 Well, you could treat me with a little respect. 326 00:15:55,079 --> 00:15:57,122 Oh, shut up, you tub of guts. 327 00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:58,958 You see? That's what I'm saying. 328 00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:02,044 Well, a little do-re-mi will smooth this over. 329 00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:04,129 He doesn't want your dirty money. 330 00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:07,132 Oh, come now. Everyone has his price. 331 00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:09,176 -Not my dad. -Shh, shh. 332 00:16:09,259 --> 00:16:11,637 -The grown-ups are talking, honey. -Dad, 333 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:15,099 -how can you put a price on your dignity? -She's right. 334 00:16:15,182 --> 00:16:17,810 Yes, I may be naked and reeking of panda love, 335 00:16:17,893 --> 00:16:21,271 but I've got to stop this before it goes too far. 336 00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:24,650 Take that back... for $903. 337 00:16:24,733 --> 00:16:26,777 -I retract my statement. -BURNS: Ha! 338 00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:29,488 -Dad. -I mean, screw you! 339 00:16:29,571 --> 00:16:33,784 Well, well. It looks like my monkey has evolved into a man. 340 00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,370 A poor man. 341 00:16:36,453 --> 00:16:40,916 Wha-- Oh, why did he have to say that extra thing? 342 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,669 Forget about him, Dad. I'm proud of you. 343 00:16:43,752 --> 00:16:46,255 Aw, thank you, sweetheart. 344 00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:49,591 But what should I do with all this dirty, ill-gotten money? 345 00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,385 I better throw it in the garbage. 346 00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:53,637 Well, there's lots of needy kids out there. 347 00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:56,557 I see what you're saying. I need to buy a gun. 348 00:16:56,640 --> 00:17:01,145 No, Dad. You could really brighten the holidays for those less fortunate. 349 00:17:01,228 --> 00:17:04,690 Yeah, right. It's time to rebuild my self-esteem. 350 00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:07,317 Hey, what happened to-- (gasps) 351 00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:09,695 Oh, good Lord! What a week! 352 00:17:10,946 --> 00:17:14,450 -Excuse me, sir. -Yes? 353 00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:18,829 I'd like to buy all these toys for some needy children. 354 00:17:18,912 --> 00:17:21,040 Is this enough dirty, dirty money? 355 00:17:21,123 --> 00:17:23,459 (thoughtful humming) 356 00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:25,711 Why, it most certainly is! 357 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:30,382 Mr. Costington, something quite wonderful has happened. 358 00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:32,468 Uh, no. Uh, no. 359 00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:34,386 Uh, yes! 360 00:17:35,512 --> 00:17:38,223 Why, I don't think I've ever seen such generosity. 361 00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:40,184 You're a modern day Kriss Kringle, sir. 362 00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:43,312 I'm just trying to dig myself out of a pit of shame. 363 00:17:43,395 --> 00:17:47,232 Say no more. I've had a bit of a shoe-sniffing problem myself. 364 00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:49,985 I'm still not allowed on the third floor. 365 00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:50,986 It's OK. 366 00:17:52,279 --> 00:17:54,114 Mr. Simpson, I just had a crazy thought. 367 00:17:54,198 --> 00:17:57,076 We do a little Thanksgiving Day parade around here, 368 00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:58,660 and you're about the right build 369 00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:00,996 for a little fella they call Kriss Kringle. 370 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,957 -Hold still. -I'm so proud. 371 00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:07,419 My dad will be the grand finale of the Thanksgiving Day parade. 372 00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:10,714 -Wanna rehearse, Dad? -I don't need to rehearse. 373 00:18:10,798 --> 00:18:14,468 Ho, ho, ho! Merry-- 374 00:18:14,551 --> 00:18:16,011 -Line. -Christmas. 375 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,930 Wha-- Let me see that. 376 00:18:18,013 --> 00:18:21,517 Well, looks like another beautiful 80-degree Thanksgiving Day 377 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:22,935 thanks to global warming. 378 00:18:23,018 --> 00:18:26,897 -Isn't that right, Leeza Gibbons? -That's right, Kent Brockman. 379 00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:31,026 Our broadcast is brought to you today by Costington's department store, 380 00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,028 the thing downtown that's open 381 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,947 right next to the men's shelter. 382 00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:36,073 (marching band) 383 00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:40,035 BART: Rusty the Clown? 384 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,788 Ah, Springfield gets the lamest balloons. 385 00:18:42,871 --> 00:18:46,083 Are you kidding? There's Funky Winkerbean! 386 00:18:46,166 --> 00:18:48,627 Over here, Funky! (gasps) 387 00:18:48,710 --> 00:18:52,756 Look, it's the Noid. Avoid the Noid. He ruins pizzas. 388 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:55,926 Hey, lady. Santa Claus is gonna be here, right? 389 00:18:56,009 --> 00:18:59,263 -He just has to. -Something tells me he is. 390 00:18:59,346 --> 00:19:01,890 Don't touch me! Nothing gives you that right! 391 00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:05,352 -Say, Leeza. Do you like gingerbread? -No, not really. 392 00:19:05,435 --> 00:19:07,354 Well, then you'll love this next float. 393 00:19:07,437 --> 00:19:09,815 It's an all-gingerbread desk set. 394 00:19:15,445 --> 00:19:17,322 (cheering) 395 00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:21,326 Ho, ho, ho! Merry Everyone! 396 00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:27,374 {\an8}BURNS: Ahoy-hoy, St. Nick. 397 00:19:27,457 --> 00:19:29,668 "Pranksgiving?" Uh-oh. 398 00:19:29,751 --> 00:19:32,045 Prepare to be boarded. 399 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:33,755 (grunts) 400 00:19:35,507 --> 00:19:38,760 What are you doing here? I told you. I'm not your monkey anymore. 401 00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:41,638 Silence, monkey. Now that you're Father Christmas, 402 00:19:41,722 --> 00:19:44,308 we have an opportunity to bend this town over our knee... 403 00:19:44,391 --> 00:19:46,185 and give it a pranking it will never forget. 404 00:19:46,768 --> 00:19:49,771 -Here's what we do. (whispering) -(gasps) 405 00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:52,107 Here's a float saluting the Native Americans, 406 00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:54,526 who taught us how to celebrate Thanksgiving. 407 00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:56,320 LEEZA: Interesting side note on this float. 408 00:19:56,403 --> 00:20:00,490 The papier-mache is composed entirely of broken treaties. 409 00:20:00,574 --> 00:20:03,202 (laughs) They're good sports. 410 00:20:03,285 --> 00:20:07,706 The answer is no, Mr. Burns. Not for any amount of money. 411 00:20:07,789 --> 00:20:09,875 BURNS: Not for one million dollars? 412 00:20:09,958 --> 00:20:12,961 -(gasps) Oh, so much money. -(children shouting) 413 00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:15,422 HOMER: But Santa can't be evil. 414 00:20:15,505 --> 00:20:18,008 But it's so much money. 415 00:20:18,091 --> 00:20:21,428 And here's the float everyone's been waiting for. 416 00:20:21,511 --> 00:20:24,097 Yes. Whether you're Christian or just non-Jewish, 417 00:20:24,181 --> 00:20:26,225 everybody loves Santa Claus. 418 00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:27,559 (cheering) 419 00:20:27,643 --> 00:20:30,062 Oh, he was supposed to be throwing out toys 420 00:20:30,145 --> 00:20:33,148 but he seems to be hurling some sort of candy treats, Leeza. 421 00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:35,567 Wait a minute, Kent. That is not candy. 422 00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:37,402 That's fish guts. 423 00:20:37,486 --> 00:20:39,071 ALL: Oh! 424 00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:42,157 There's Santa! Over here, Santa! 425 00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:44,409 (groans) What did I do? 426 00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:47,704 Ah, the doctor said I could take this patch off five minutes a day. 427 00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:50,749 Hey, that's just enough time to see Santy Claus. 428 00:20:51,166 --> 00:20:53,502 Oh! Why, Santa? Why? 429 00:20:53,585 --> 00:20:56,463 Oh, no. Here come the gulls! 430 00:20:56,546 --> 00:20:58,507 (squawking) 431 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:01,009 (jabbering) Oh, nice birdie. 432 00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:03,387 Nice birdie. No! Not so nice! 433 00:21:03,470 --> 00:21:04,471 Ow! 434 00:21:05,639 --> 00:21:07,474 (pop, air hisses) 435 00:21:07,557 --> 00:21:10,894 Oh, Dad. You sold your soul. 436 00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:13,480 -HOMER: Not yet, honey. -Dad! 437 00:21:13,563 --> 00:21:16,650 But if you're here, who's that on the float? 438 00:21:16,733 --> 00:21:18,944 Ho, ho, ho! Merry "Fishmas"! 439 00:21:19,027 --> 00:21:20,362 What's going on? 440 00:21:20,445 --> 00:21:23,949 Let's just say Lisa gave me an early Christmas present, 441 00:21:24,032 --> 00:21:25,784 the gift of dignity. 442 00:21:26,243 --> 00:21:27,911 (all groan) 443 00:21:30,872 --> 00:21:32,499 (music playing) 444 00:21:33,750 --> 00:21:35,252 (theme music playing) 445 00:22:14,374 --> 00:22:17,002 -Shh! -HOMER: Baby made a boom-boom. 446 00:22:18,337 --> 00:22:20,380 Captioned by Visual Data Media Services