1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,169
(theme music playing)

2
00:00:03,253 --> 00:00:06,297
CHORUS: <i>♪ The Simpsons ♪</i>

3
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,810
(bell ringing)

4
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(whistle blows)

5
00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:31,322
(beeping)

6
00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:38,204
(playing the blues)

7
00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:47,505
(tires screech)

8
00:00:58,975 --> 00:00:59,893
(honking)

9
00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:06,066
D-oh! (screams)

10
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(tires screeching)

11
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MARGE: Mmm.

12
00:01:23,666 --> 00:01:26,628
{\an8}Mmm... good pancakes, Mom.

13
00:01:26,711 --> 00:01:28,046
{\an8}Well, thank you, honey.

14
00:01:28,129 --> 00:01:30,173
{\an8}They come in a squeeze bottle now.

15
00:01:30,715 --> 00:01:33,051
{\an8}-(flatulating noise)
-Ooh! (scoffs)

16
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{\an8}I better put on the silencer.

17
00:01:36,387 --> 00:01:37,472
{\an8}(muted flatulating)

18
00:01:37,555 --> 00:01:39,015
{\an8}You know what would be good with these

19
00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:41,226
{\an8}is some Ms. Butterworth.

20
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:43,394
{\an8}Let's have a breakfast meeting.

21
00:01:43,978 --> 00:01:44,854
{\an8}Eww!

22
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:47,315
{\an8}How long has this baking soda
been in here?

23
00:01:47,398 --> 00:01:49,400
{\an8}I don't know. It came with the house.

24
00:01:50,401 --> 00:01:52,904
{\an8}Hey, Dad, bet you five bucks
you can't eat the whole box.

25
00:01:52,987 --> 00:01:56,074
{\an8}Five? Why don't we make it $50?

26
00:01:56,157 --> 00:01:58,118
{\an8}(laughing) You're going to regret this.

27
00:01:59,035 --> 00:02:01,037
{\an8}I'll call Poison Control.

28
00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:03,206
{\an8}Fran? It's me.

29
00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:04,374
{\an8}Just a heads-up.

30
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{\an8}Wow... (sniffing)

31
00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:11,089
{\an8}The absorbed odors of a million meals.

32
00:02:12,340 --> 00:02:14,175
{\an8}Oh, so many flavors.

33
00:02:14,884 --> 00:02:17,387
{\an8}All those tasty memories flooding back...

34
00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:18,972
{\an8}(gasping)

35
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{\an8}MAN: <i>If it doesn't fit, you must acquit.</i>

36
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:26,855
{\an8}RICHARD NIXON: <i>Therefore, I shall resign</i>
<i>the Presidency...</i>

37
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{\an8}NEIL ARMSTRONG: <i>That's one small step</i>
<i>for man...</i>

38
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{\an8}<i>one giant leap for mankind.</i>

39
00:02:35,446 --> 00:02:37,532
{\an8}(giggling)

40
00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:39,534
{\an8}Uh-oh.

41
00:02:39,617 --> 00:02:41,619
{\an8}Dad's having an antacid trip.

42
00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:43,413
{\an8}And I won 50 bucks.

43
00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:47,000
{\an8}Can I see the 50, Bart?

44
00:02:47,083 --> 00:02:48,459
{\an8}Can I? Huh?

45
00:02:48,543 --> 00:02:49,669
{\an8}Milhouse, my friend

46
00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:52,463
{\an8}you and I are going on a spending spree.

47
00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:53,464
{\an8}My doctor says

48
00:02:53,548 --> 00:02:55,550
{\an8}I'm not supposed to go on sprees.

49
00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:56,926
{\an8}What about jags?

50
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,052
{\an8}Jags are fine.

51
00:02:58,136 --> 00:02:59,470
{\an8}Wonderful.

52
00:03:02,557 --> 00:03:05,560
{\an8}-(clearing throat)
-A $50 bill!

53
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,063
{\an8}Gentlemen...

54
00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:10,231
{\an8}let us shop.

55
00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:11,858
{\an8}Our wide variety of gum

56
00:03:11,941 --> 00:03:13,568
{\an8}comes in both stick and ball.

57
00:03:13,651 --> 00:03:15,236
{\an8}I'm not really about gum

58
00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:16,905
{\an8}but I like the whole chewing thing.

59
00:03:16,988 --> 00:03:18,698
{\an8}Are you averse to crispy centers, sir?

60
00:03:18,781 --> 00:03:21,075
{\an8}-Not at all.
-Then we have much to discuss.

61
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:24,954
{\an8}Oh... too much raw bacon.

62
00:03:25,371 --> 00:03:26,331
{\an8}Come on, Bart.

63
00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:28,082
{\an8}We can't stop spending now.

64
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:31,127
{\an8}There's one thing
I've always wanted to do.

65
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,881
{\an8}My Mom doesn't believe in fabric softener,

66
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:37,300
{\an8}but <i>she's </i>not around.

67
00:03:38,968 --> 00:03:40,428
{\an8}I'm picking the next thing.

68
00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:43,598
{\an8}It looks like we're down
to our last ten bucks.

69
00:03:44,098 --> 00:03:45,767
{\an8}Hello.

70
00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:51,773
{\an8}Radioactive Man number 1000, please.

71
00:03:51,856 --> 00:03:53,900
{\an8}Ten dollars? I laugh at you.

72
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:57,111
{\an8}Please to note,
this is no ordinary comic book.

73
00:03:57,195 --> 00:03:58,947
It is in Perma-Mint condition.

74
00:03:59,030 --> 00:04:00,073
If you spill soda on it

75
00:04:00,156 --> 00:04:02,575
the drops fly off harmlessly
onto lesser comics.

76
00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:03,618
BOTH: Whoa!

77
00:04:03,701 --> 00:04:05,119
Yes, you are quite correct to gasp.

78
00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:08,164
Also note the price, $25.

79
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,750
We had to buy lunch for that homeless guy.

80
00:04:10,833 --> 00:04:12,377
While my son's at fat camp

81
00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:13,670
{\an8}I cleaned out his room.

82
00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:15,421
{\an8}How much will you give me for this?

83
00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:17,799
{\an8}Probably nothing, but let us see.

84
00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:22,178
{\an8}Oh... handwritten script
for <i>Star Wars </i>by George Lucas?

85
00:04:22,553 --> 00:04:24,722
{\an8}Princess Leia's anti-jiggle breast tape?

86
00:04:24,806 --> 00:04:26,015
{\an8}Film reel labeled

87
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:29,143
{\an8}"Alternate Ending:
Luke's Father is Chewbacca"?

88
00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:30,520
{\an8}Ooh! Ooh!

89
00:04:31,145 --> 00:04:32,647
{\an8}I'll give you five dollars for the box.

90
00:04:32,730 --> 00:04:33,564
Sold.

91
00:04:35,191 --> 00:04:37,402
{\an8}Don't do it, lady.
That stuff's worth thousands.

92
00:04:37,485 --> 00:04:39,320
{\an8}Yeah. He's ripping you off.

93
00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:43,032
Well! If this is valuable

94
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,493
{\an8}then back to the leaky basement it goes.

95
00:04:45,576 --> 00:04:46,536
Hmm!

96
00:04:47,036 --> 00:04:48,162
Smile, please.

97
00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:49,080
(shutter clicks)

98
00:04:49,163 --> 00:04:50,164
Thank you.

99
00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:53,918
(gasps)

100
00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,632
Son, I know it hurts.

101
00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:02,719
I still remember
my first lifetime banning.

102
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:05,513
(applauding)

103
00:05:07,765 --> 00:05:09,809
(grunting) Oh!

104
00:05:10,685 --> 00:05:12,061
Hey, where's my melon?

105
00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:13,604
What the...

106
00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:17,317
Ahh!

107
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:18,735
And you are banned for life

108
00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:21,362
from all of my performances
and TV specials.

109
00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:22,989
But I can still see your movies, right?

110
00:05:23,072 --> 00:05:23,948
(grunts)

111
00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:27,243
(crying)

112
00:05:34,709 --> 00:05:37,003
And I never saw Gallagher again.

113
00:05:37,086 --> 00:05:38,379
Ooh, it says here

114
00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:40,673
that special effects whiz Tom Savini

115
00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:43,384
is going to be appearing
at the comic book store tonight.

116
00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:44,510
Tom Savini?

117
00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:45,928
Yes. It says here

118
00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:48,598
he's the movie magician behind <i>Creepshow</i>

119
00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:50,892
<i>Friday the 13th, </i>and <i>Dawn of the Dead.</i>

120
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,728
{\an8}Oh... I can't believe
I'm going to miss that.

121
00:05:54,145 --> 00:05:56,647
Don't worry your spiky little head.

122
00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:59,025
I've got it all planned out.

123
00:05:59,108 --> 00:06:00,485
{\an8}How could you have it planned out?

124
00:06:00,568 --> 00:06:01,986
{\an8}You just heard about the problem.

125
00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:03,613
You're right. Give me a minute.

126
00:06:03,988 --> 00:06:05,156
Hmm...

127
00:06:09,118 --> 00:06:11,662
Mr. Simpson, it hurts.

128
00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:13,331
{\an8}Yeah, and why did we have to do this

129
00:06:13,414 --> 00:06:14,665
{\an8}all the way from home?

130
00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:16,667
For once in my life, I'm tall.

131
00:06:16,751 --> 00:06:18,211
Don't take that away from me.

132
00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:19,879
(affected voice) Hello...

133
00:06:19,962 --> 00:06:22,215
I'm Shaquille O'Neal.

134
00:06:22,298 --> 00:06:23,925
Let us in, please.

135
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:25,343
(all exclaiming)

136
00:06:25,426 --> 00:06:27,762
You two are not welcome.

137
00:06:29,514 --> 00:06:30,515
Sorry, son.

138
00:06:30,598 --> 00:06:32,308
-Thanks for the tip-off.
-No problem.

139
00:06:34,769 --> 00:06:37,688
Appearing exclusively here
at the Android's Dungeon...

140
00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:40,691
Take that, Messieurs Barnes and Noble.

141
00:06:40,775 --> 00:06:43,027
...the king of splatter, Tom Savini.

142
00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:44,237
(applause)

143
00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:45,905
Good evening.

144
00:06:45,988 --> 00:06:46,906
(belches)

145
00:06:46,989 --> 00:06:49,117
Sorry. I had a really big dinner.

146
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:50,284
Whoo! Dinner!

147
00:06:50,368 --> 00:06:52,787
But I'm sure one more French fry
wouldn't hurt.

148
00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:55,498
(groaning)

149
00:06:58,167 --> 00:07:00,503
(cheers)

150
00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:03,881
Oh, we missed "the gut-buster."

151
00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:06,467
Yeah, that should be us
covered with blood.

152
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:10,430
Sure, computer technology is here to stay

153
00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:11,722
but there'll always be a place

154
00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:14,058
for the practical special effects wizard.

155
00:07:16,185 --> 00:07:18,896
(cheering)

156
00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:20,731
I love the theater.

157
00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:22,024
Oh, please.

158
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:23,025
I saw Paul Lynde

159
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:25,445
do that same hackneyed trick on <i>Bewitched.</i>

160
00:07:27,321 --> 00:07:29,532
Try to explode this out of my belly.

161
00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:30,658
That's not a cookie.

162
00:07:31,159 --> 00:07:32,326
[exclaiming)

163
00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:34,495
That's a time-release blood pack.

164
00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:36,164
(groaning)

165
00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:38,040
You, sir, are a perfect patsy.

166
00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:39,500
Let me shake your hand.

167
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:43,087
Ugh. To the gag, I will give a D-plus.

168
00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:45,256
As for the workmanship on the hand...

169
00:07:45,339 --> 00:07:46,632
Ooh...

170
00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:48,092
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

171
00:07:48,176 --> 00:07:49,635
That's not right.

172
00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:51,596
(all laughing)

173
00:07:51,679 --> 00:07:53,014
You mocking me.

174
00:07:53,097 --> 00:07:54,348
Oh, that is rich.

175
00:07:54,432 --> 00:07:55,600
(groaning)

176
00:07:55,683 --> 00:07:58,352
(laughing continues)

177
00:07:59,061 --> 00:08:00,146
Stop your laughing!

178
00:08:00,229 --> 00:08:01,272
You're all banned!

179
00:08:01,355 --> 00:08:02,773
Banned, I tell you!

180
00:08:04,817 --> 00:08:07,570
Ooh... Breath... short

181
00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:09,614
left arm... numb.

182
00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:11,324
Can't go on...

183
00:08:11,407 --> 00:08:13,618
describing symptoms much longer.

184
00:08:13,701 --> 00:08:15,119
(groaning)

185
00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:18,956
(gasps)

186
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,625
I think he's had a heart attack.

187
00:08:20,708 --> 00:08:21,918
(all gasping)

188
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:27,924
Young man, you've had what we call

189
00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:29,800
a "cardiac episode."

190
00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:32,136
Worst... episode... ever.

191
00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:34,347
Oh, not even close.

192
00:08:34,430 --> 00:08:36,557
If these boys hadn't called 911

193
00:08:36,641 --> 00:08:38,518
I'd be wearing that watch right now.

194
00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:40,269
(laughing) I'm just kidding.

195
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:41,729
{\an8}But you would be dead.

196
00:08:41,812 --> 00:08:43,648
You saved my life?

197
00:08:43,731 --> 00:08:45,775
Yeah, after you were so mean to us.

198
00:08:46,150 --> 00:08:47,318
So now we're even.

199
00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:50,446
{\an8}My prognosis... or is it diagnosis?

200
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:53,491
{\an8}Whichever. You need to avoid stress.

201
00:08:53,574 --> 00:08:55,368
{\an8}Now, what kind of work do you do?

202
00:08:55,451 --> 00:08:56,953
I run a comic book store.

203
00:08:57,411 --> 00:08:58,829
Oh, dear Lord!

204
00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:00,581
We call that profession "The Widowmaker."

205
00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:03,376
{\an8}Or we would, if any of
the proprietors were married.

206
00:09:03,459 --> 00:09:05,753
{\an8}You should close down
the store for a while.

207
00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:09,006
But I'd lose all my business
to Frodo's of Shelbyville.

208
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:10,925
{\an8}Well, then get a friend to run it for you.

209
00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:14,845
You... do have friends, don't you?

210
00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:16,847
Well, the Superfriends.

211
00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:17,932
You should get some friends

212
00:09:18,015 --> 00:09:19,392
who aren't printed on paper.

213
00:09:19,475 --> 00:09:21,060
What? You mean action figures?

214
00:09:21,143 --> 00:09:22,770
We'll run the store for you.

215
00:09:22,853 --> 00:09:25,606
Two ten-year-olds running my store?

216
00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:29,193
W--what is this? Bizarro World?

217
00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:30,570
Calm down.

218
00:09:30,653 --> 00:09:32,822
Don't make me put a dog heart in there.

219
00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:37,493
Can you believe it, Bart?

220
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,912
We're actually running a comic book store.

221
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:43,457
Looks like our lifetime ban just expired.

222
00:09:43,916 --> 00:09:45,585
(alarm blaring)

223
00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:46,961
Sorry. Sorry.

224
00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:50,172
OK, here's Comic Book Guy's instructions,

225
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:52,008
"A carton of malted milk balls

226
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:54,176
"one box confectioner's sugar

227
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:56,429
a can of chocolate frosting..."

228
00:09:56,512 --> 00:09:58,014
That's just his shopping list.

229
00:09:58,097 --> 00:09:59,974
{\an8}No, it's his instructions.

230
00:10:00,057 --> 00:10:02,435
Well, we're going to make
some changes around here.

231
00:10:02,518 --> 00:10:04,562
This store is going to be run by kids

232
00:10:04,645 --> 00:10:05,688
and for kids.

233
00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:07,857
You said it, partner.

234
00:10:11,235 --> 00:10:12,653
Oh, nice to see you.

235
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:14,447
Hey, how about that <i>Bloodzilla?</i>

236
00:10:14,822 --> 00:10:15,823
(laughing)

237
00:10:15,906 --> 00:10:17,158
<i>Vampire Dinosaur.</i>

238
00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:19,910
Oh... you can't make that stuff up.

239
00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:21,621
<i>The Death of Sad Sack.</i>

240
00:10:22,204 --> 00:10:24,165
This better not be another fake-out.

241
00:10:24,832 --> 00:10:27,084
Uh-uh. You've got to be 40 inches tall

242
00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:28,377
for the adult section.

243
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:30,129
Please!

244
00:10:30,546 --> 00:10:33,132
OK, but get on your tippy-toes.

245
00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:39,180
Everybody's hugging.

246
00:10:40,556 --> 00:10:42,016
Hey, Bart, I finished

247
00:10:42,099 --> 00:10:43,517
organizing the stockroom.

248
00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:44,852
Mark down the Poochie crap.

249
00:10:44,935 --> 00:10:46,354
Then unstick all the Supergirls.

250
00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:50,358
You know, if we're partners,
maybe you should do some of the work.

251
00:10:50,441 --> 00:10:52,234
Less barking, more marking.

252
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:54,278
Yes, sir, partner.

253
00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:56,072
(exit bell rings)

254
00:10:57,406 --> 00:10:58,282
Hmm.

255
00:10:58,366 --> 00:11:01,285
Now, when you've got
a bum ticker like we do

256
00:11:01,369 --> 00:11:03,537
you need all the friends you can get.

257
00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:06,791
And Moe's is the friendliest
place in the Rum District.

258
00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:11,921
Get out and take your
Sacajawea dollars with you.

259
00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:13,172
I'll give you till three.

260
00:11:13,255 --> 00:11:14,423
One...

261
00:11:15,257 --> 00:11:16,175
(body thuds)

262
00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:17,760
Hey, Homer, who's the manatee?

263
00:11:17,843 --> 00:11:20,096
(patrons laughing)

264
00:11:21,013 --> 00:11:22,098
Oh, now be nice, Moe.

265
00:11:22,181 --> 00:11:23,641
This guy just got out of the hospital.

266
00:11:23,724 --> 00:11:26,060
Oh, sorry. Let me buy you a drink.

267
00:11:26,143 --> 00:11:27,061
Very well.

268
00:11:27,853 --> 00:11:29,855
I will have a shot of cranberry schnapps.

269
00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:33,651
Uh, these, uh...
they're just painted on there.

270
00:11:33,734 --> 00:11:36,696
Your choices are beer
and, uh, egg soakings.

271
00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:37,822
I'll pass.

272
00:11:37,905 --> 00:11:40,116
Beer is the nectar of the nitwit.

273
00:11:40,199 --> 00:11:42,076
Hey... you knocking beer?

274
00:11:42,159 --> 00:11:44,286
Nobody badmouths Duff.

275
00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:47,415
Oh, piece of crap.

276
00:11:47,915 --> 00:11:49,959
Come on. You're here to make friends.

277
00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:52,378
Please, if I wanted to hear
mindless droning

278
00:11:52,461 --> 00:11:54,463
I'd befriend an air conditioner.

279
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,632
Oh, now he's ragging on air conditioners.

280
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,968
Hey, they keep us cool in the summer, pal.

281
00:11:59,051 --> 00:11:59,885
Get him!

282
00:12:00,511 --> 00:12:01,887
And stay out!

283
00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:10,604
Is there a word in Klingon
for "loneliness"?

284
00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:13,107
Ah, yes.

285
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,192
<i>Garrlll dak!</i>

286
00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:18,529
LISA: Milhouse, I'm impressed.

287
00:12:18,612 --> 00:12:20,156
The store is so busy.

288
00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:22,241
You and Bart are really great businessmen.

289
00:12:22,324 --> 00:12:24,326
Well, I'm really the brains.

290
00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:25,995
Bart's just the eye candy.

291
00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:28,247
Hi. Eric Reynolds, Plan Nine Comics.

292
00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:29,707
Is the manager here?

293
00:12:29,790 --> 00:12:33,502
Well... I'm kind of the co-manager.

294
00:12:35,546 --> 00:12:36,964
Tough break, Toots.

295
00:12:37,047 --> 00:12:39,842
I need a man who answers to no one.

296
00:12:40,676 --> 00:12:42,803
A full manager.

297
00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:45,598
Hatchi-matchi!

298
00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:48,601
{\an8}I can help you, sir.

299
00:12:49,143 --> 00:12:51,687
{\an8}And I answer to no one.

300
00:12:53,689 --> 00:12:55,733
Well, then, you'll want to stock up

301
00:12:55,816 --> 00:12:57,276
on our new superhero.

302
00:12:57,651 --> 00:13:00,279
{\an8}Would you say he's the <i>ultimate </i>superhero?

303
00:13:00,362 --> 00:13:02,072
Oh, very ultimate indeed.

304
00:13:02,656 --> 00:13:03,949
Point your peepers

305
00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:05,284
at <i>Biclops.</i>

306
00:13:05,367 --> 00:13:06,368
(gasps)

307
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:09,163
A superhero with glasses!

308
00:13:09,246 --> 00:13:10,915
Oh, yeah, thick glasses...

309
00:13:10,998 --> 00:13:12,166
kind of like yours.

310
00:13:13,375 --> 00:13:15,503
So, how many do you need? 500? 600?

311
00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:17,129
Six hundred sounds good.

312
00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:18,923
Oh, that's too bad.

313
00:13:19,006 --> 00:13:20,549
There's a price break at 1,000.

314
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:23,219
Oh, man.

315
00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:29,475
{\an8}I'll take 2,000.

316
00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:37,525
Human contact... the final frontier.

317
00:13:37,858 --> 00:13:38,943
(sighing)

318
00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:41,153
Out of the way, Tubby.

319
00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:43,405
Oh, pardon me, "Oldie Hawn."

320
00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:44,490
Wh... ah!

321
00:13:44,573 --> 00:13:47,576
Why you ill-mannered sack of crap!

322
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:48,661
Oh, goody.

323
00:13:48,744 --> 00:13:51,372
Now I know whatever happened to Baby Jane.

324
00:13:51,872 --> 00:13:54,500
You are the rudest man who ever...

325
00:13:54,875 --> 00:13:56,585
bought me dinner.

326
00:13:57,002 --> 00:13:58,963
Correction. I do not believe

327
00:13:59,046 --> 00:14:01,423
I have ever bought you... Oh.

328
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:05,261
(theme from <i>A Summer Place </i>playing)

329
00:14:12,643 --> 00:14:15,479
So, how many issues of <i>Biclops</i>
would you like?

330
00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:16,856
Biclops?

331
00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:19,066
Who's his girlfriend? Lois Lame?

332
00:14:19,149 --> 00:14:20,818
He's kinda afraid of girls.

333
00:14:21,485 --> 00:14:23,571
Ah, it doesn't even smack good.

334
00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:26,365
How could you spend all our money

335
00:14:26,448 --> 00:14:28,951
on a comic book published by LensCrafters?

336
00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:30,786
We'll never sell these.

337
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,663
Birds won't even use them in their nests.

338
00:14:32,746 --> 00:14:34,206
(squawking)

339
00:14:34,623 --> 00:14:36,709
(grumbling squawks)

340
00:14:38,002 --> 00:14:41,589
OK. So I made <i>one </i>bad decision.

341
00:14:41,672 --> 00:14:42,798
(sighing) It's my fault

342
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:44,258
for leaving you in charge.

343
00:14:44,341 --> 00:14:46,385
Sometimes, I forget how young you are.

344
00:14:46,468 --> 00:14:48,429
I'm only three months younger than you.

345
00:14:48,512 --> 00:14:50,556
Oh, look, you're getting cranky.

346
00:14:50,639 --> 00:14:52,099
You haven't had your juice.

347
00:14:52,182 --> 00:14:54,435
Well, my straw broke off in the carton.

348
00:14:55,102 --> 00:14:56,520
That's not the point!

349
00:14:56,854 --> 00:14:58,480
We're supposed to be partners

350
00:14:58,564 --> 00:14:59,690
and you're pushing me around

351
00:14:59,773 --> 00:15:02,026
like a Playskool Corn Popper.

352
00:15:02,109 --> 00:15:03,694
It's a vacuum cleaner, Milhouse.

353
00:15:03,777 --> 00:15:06,614
Whatever! I demand respect!

354
00:15:06,697 --> 00:15:08,240
I have feelings!

355
00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:10,242
I'm a human boy!

356
00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:12,369
Just like you!

357
00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:15,623
(quietly) Shh. Use your indoor voice.

358
00:15:15,706 --> 00:15:17,499
OK, that's it.

359
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,169
(groans)

360
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:23,130
(screaming)

361
00:15:28,886 --> 00:15:30,095
(screaming)

362
00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:36,769
En garde!

363
00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:41,607
Oh!

364
00:15:41,690 --> 00:15:43,817
(grunting with effort)

365
00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:52,159
Eat watering can, partner!

366
00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:54,244
(thudding)

367
00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:57,081
Whoa!

368
00:15:57,456 --> 00:16:00,459
Comic Book Guy's secret stash!

369
00:16:00,542 --> 00:16:02,670
Look all these bootleg videos!

370
00:16:03,337 --> 00:16:04,713
<i>Alien Autopsy.</i>

371
00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:07,132
<i>Illegal Alien Autopsy.</i>

372
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:09,593
<i>Godfather III, </i>good version.

373
00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:11,470
He's got the tape of Kent Brockman

374
00:16:11,553 --> 00:16:12,680
picking his nose!

375
00:16:13,305 --> 00:16:16,350
Look! He's picking his nose!

376
00:16:16,433 --> 00:16:17,726
(clock ticking)

377
00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:28,070
MRS. SKINNER: (flirty) I'll be right down!

378
00:16:28,153 --> 00:16:30,823
I'm just putting on my witch hazel.

379
00:16:30,906 --> 00:16:33,242
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

380
00:16:33,867 --> 00:16:35,953
So, uh, your mother tells me

381
00:16:36,036 --> 00:16:37,830
you go to Springfield Elementary.

382
00:16:37,913 --> 00:16:40,666
Exactly what is your interest
in my mother?

383
00:16:40,749 --> 00:16:42,126
She makes me laugh.

384
00:16:42,209 --> 00:16:44,920
Here I come!

385
00:16:45,587 --> 00:16:46,714
(loud squeaking)

386
00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:51,844
(gasping) Good Lord,
Mother, I can see your...

387
00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:53,262
figure.

388
00:16:53,637 --> 00:16:57,474
{\an8}Oh, you see a lot more
when you do my daily mole check.

389
00:16:57,808 --> 00:17:01,395
What I do for my allowance money
is nobody's business.

390
00:17:01,729 --> 00:17:03,605
He's not nobody.

391
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:06,525
He might even be your new daddy.

392
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,527
(cackling)

393
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,738
(snickering)

394
00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:11,947
(strangled gulp)

395
00:17:12,489 --> 00:17:14,199
"Police informant tape"?

396
00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:16,410
These are never supposed
to leave the station.

397
00:17:17,661 --> 00:17:19,496
<i>I really hate to be a snitch.</i>

398
00:17:19,580 --> 00:17:20,622
WIGGUM: <i>Don't worry.</i>

399
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:22,624
<i>Your yellow-bellied ratting will be held</i>

400
00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:24,126
<i>in the strictest confidence.</i>

401
00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:25,836
(sighs) <i>Well, in that case...</i>

402
00:17:26,253 --> 00:17:29,548
<i>My neighbor Homer</i>
<i>released a radioactive ape in my house.</i>

403
00:17:29,631 --> 00:17:32,509
<i>It's, uh, it's taken over</i>
<i>the whole top floor.</i>

404
00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:34,261
It wasn't Dad's fault.

405
00:17:34,344 --> 00:17:35,596
The ape tricked him.

406
00:17:35,929 --> 00:17:36,889
What's next?

407
00:17:37,431 --> 00:17:39,266
"Mr. Rogers drunk."

408
00:17:43,103 --> 00:17:44,146
MR. ROGERS: <i>Well, what do you mean</i>

409
00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:46,565
<i>I can't take off my sweater?</i>

410
00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:48,358
(screaming) <i>I'm hot!</i>

411
00:17:48,442 --> 00:17:51,445
You know, I'll bet kids
would pay to see this stuff.

412
00:17:51,528 --> 00:17:54,573
We could have a midnight screening
right here in the store!

413
00:17:54,656 --> 00:17:55,574
(gasps)

414
00:17:55,657 --> 00:17:57,534
{\an8}That's actually a great idea, Milhouse.

415
00:17:57,618 --> 00:17:58,744
{\an8}Really?

416
00:17:58,827 --> 00:18:00,871
{\an8}Well, I was due.

417
00:18:01,288 --> 00:18:03,874
I'll say... partner.

418
00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:07,044
MARGE: So many restaurants.

419
00:18:07,127 --> 00:18:09,129
Oh, I can't decide!

420
00:18:09,213 --> 00:18:12,591
I throw myself on the mercy
of the food court.

421
00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:18,263
{\an8}Um... I guess I'll have
the chicken tandoori.

422
00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:20,099
And I'll have the beef Wellington.

423
00:18:21,683 --> 00:18:23,185
{\an8}(buzzer beeping)

424
00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:30,067
Oh, look at you two!

425
00:18:30,150 --> 00:18:31,902
You look so couply.

426
00:18:31,985 --> 00:18:34,113
Yes, we're a perfect match.

427
00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:36,615
Her sneer just lights up my day.

428
00:18:36,698 --> 00:18:39,409
And we're always
finishing each other's insults.

429
00:18:39,493 --> 00:18:41,411
<i>♪ And they called it ♪</i>

430
00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:45,207
<i>♪ Puppy love ♪</i>

431
00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:49,837
<i>♪ Oh, I guess they'll never know ♪</i>

432
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,005
(both guffawing)

433
00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:54,675
Oh, that does my heart good.

434
00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:59,596
<i>♪ Really feels ♪</i>

435
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:04,977
<i>♪ And I love her so ♪</i>

436
00:19:05,727 --> 00:19:07,020
AGNES: Sunsets.

437
00:19:07,437 --> 00:19:10,149
Thank God there's only one of these a day.

438
00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:12,484
Could it be any more orange?

439
00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:13,944
(sighs contentedly)

440
00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:18,991
I must warn you that
once this next tape starts

441
00:19:19,074 --> 00:19:22,703
it will not stop,
because that button is broken.

442
00:19:22,786 --> 00:19:23,996
Let's watch.

443
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:27,082
<i>If you are watching this tape</i>

444
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,042
<i>you are the President</i>
<i>of the United States.</i>

445
00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:30,502
<i>Hello, sir or ma'am.</i>

446
00:19:30,961 --> 00:19:31,879
<i>Hopefully sir.</i>

447
00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:32,963
Got that right.

448
00:19:33,046 --> 00:19:33,964
BOTH: Yes!

449
00:19:34,047 --> 00:19:36,758
<i>The town of Springfield</i>
<i>has been classified NWB</i>

450
00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:38,302
<i>or "Nuclear Whipping Boy."</i>

451
00:19:38,385 --> 00:19:40,095
<i>In the first moments of a nuclear war</i>

452
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:43,056
<i>Springfield will be bombed</i>
<i>at will by all friendly nations</i>

453
00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:44,266
<i>to calibrate their missiles.</i>

454
00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:46,101
(cheering)

455
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:49,354
<i>Now for total security,</i>
<i>I will terminate the cameraman.</i>

456
00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:50,898
-(groaning)
-(body thuds)

457
00:19:50,981 --> 00:19:52,524
Thanks a lot, Steve.

458
00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:54,735
(all laughing)

459
00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:57,446
All right, this is a raid!

460
00:19:58,238 --> 00:20:00,657
(heads thudding)

461
00:20:02,117 --> 00:20:03,202
Well, well, well...

462
00:20:03,535 --> 00:20:06,455
this place has got
more pirated tapes than a...

463
00:20:06,997 --> 00:20:08,457
A Chinese K-Mart?

464
00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:09,833
Well, that'll have to do.

465
00:20:10,250 --> 00:20:11,877
Uh, these yours, son?

466
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:12,878
No, sir.

467
00:20:12,961 --> 00:20:16,006
We're just exhibiting them
for profit without permission.

468
00:20:16,089 --> 00:20:17,216
Fair enough.

469
00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:19,843
But the owner is in more hot water than...

470
00:20:20,802 --> 00:20:22,471
A Japanese tea bag?

471
00:20:22,554 --> 00:20:24,139
Why don't you lay off the Asians, Lou?

472
00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:27,267
<i>♪ Baby, I'm-a want you ♪</i>

473
00:20:27,684 --> 00:20:29,436
<i>♪ Baby, I'm-a need you ♪</i>

474
00:20:29,519 --> 00:20:31,230
Well, you've changed me, Agnes.

475
00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:34,942
Maybe there is room in my store
for romance comics.

476
00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:36,401
Nobody'll buy those.

477
00:20:36,485 --> 00:20:37,861
Your store smells.

478
00:20:37,945 --> 00:20:39,821
Now kiss me, Funny Face.

479
00:20:42,741 --> 00:20:43,575
All right!

480
00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:45,786
Oh, oh! Dear God!

481
00:20:45,869 --> 00:20:47,204
Cover your eyes, boys.

482
00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:49,122
(retching)

483
00:20:49,206 --> 00:20:50,249
It's OK, man.

484
00:20:50,332 --> 00:20:52,542
If it doesn't affect you,
you're not human.

485
00:20:52,626 --> 00:20:55,128
Uh, Comic Book Guy, you're under arrest

486
00:20:55,212 --> 00:20:56,964
for the possession of illegal videos.

487
00:20:57,047 --> 00:20:58,090
But we'll reduce the sentence

488
00:20:58,173 --> 00:21:00,467
if you put your pants on, fast!

489
00:21:00,550 --> 00:21:01,385
God!

490
00:21:01,468 --> 00:21:02,636
Come on, Romeo.

491
00:21:05,389 --> 00:21:07,432
They can't lock me up for long, Agnes.

492
00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:08,517
Will you wait for me?

493
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:09,977
Are you crazy?

494
00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:11,895
My bones are half dust.

495
00:21:13,438 --> 00:21:15,440
Well, we may not have the store

496
00:21:15,524 --> 00:21:17,567
but at least we're friends again.

497
00:21:17,651 --> 00:21:18,527
Yep.

498
00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:20,404
And we haven't been to school

499
00:21:20,487 --> 00:21:23,073
in days and days and days.

500
00:21:23,156 --> 00:21:24,408
Oh, well.

501
00:21:24,491 --> 00:21:27,202
Looks like everything's back to normal.

502
00:21:29,496 --> 00:21:30,455
Ow!

503
00:21:30,539 --> 00:21:34,793
Look, if you want me to turn, just point.

504
00:21:34,876 --> 00:21:36,128
That-- ow!

505
00:21:36,586 --> 00:21:38,755
It's one way!

506
00:21:38,839 --> 00:21:39,756
(monkey gibbering)

507
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:41,842
{\an8}NED: <i>Ow! Ow! Now what was that for?</i>

508
00:21:41,925 --> 00:21:43,427
{\an8}-(monkey slapping)
-NED: <i>Ow! Ow! Ow!</i>

509
00:21:44,511 --> 00:21:47,306
(closing theme music)

510
00:22:25,260 --> 00:22:26,136
{\an8}Shh!

511
00:22:26,219 --> 00:22:28,930
{\an8}AGNES: <i>Why, you ill-mannered sack of crap!</i>

512
00:22:29,765 --> 00:22:31,767
{\an8}Captioned by
Visual Data Media Services