(theme music playing)
CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
(bell rings)
(whistle blows)
(beeping)
(playing the blues)
(tires screeching)
(honking horn)
(tires screeching)
D'oh!
(tires screeching)
(siren blaring)
(TV switches on)
(Olympic Theme playing)
ANNOUNCER: Welcome back Great Moments in Olympic History.
At the 1936 Berlin Games
Jesse Owens humiliates Adolf Hitler
by outracing his zeppelin.
(exasperated grunt)
1968, Mexico City,
Bob Beamon shatters the world long jump record.
Woah, woah!
-(tires screech, car crashes) -(screams)
(in German) Ach, du lieber!
ANNOUNCER (in English): And in 1984, Portugal's Carlos Lopez
becomes the oldest Olympic marathon winner ever
-at age 38. -(grunts)
(gasp) Thirty-eight? That's roughly my age!
Marge, after a lot of thought
I've decided to run the Springfield Marathon.
Oh, please, you get exhausted
watching the Twilight Zone marathon.
(chuckles)
I'm a regular Billy Crystal.
You got that right.
Well, Dad, I think running's good exercise.
It adds years to your life.
Stay out of this, Lisa.
Marge, I've made up my mind.
I'll do your job for a day
and you do mine.
Then we'll see who has it tougher.
(haughty chuckle)
(door slams shut)
Good afternoon and welcome to the 97th Springfield Marathon
commemorating the time Jebediah Springfield ran
across six states to avoid his creditors.
You got all your equipment, Dad?
Let's see. Sweat band... check.
Anti-chafing nipple tape... check, check and check.
Attention, runners: on your mark, get set...
Now, get out of here before I change my mind.
I can't believe it!
I'm actually running a marathon!
Oh, I hit the wall!
This is so painful!
Hey, I got my second wind!
D'oh! Another wall!
Woo-hoo! Third wind!
Faster, rickshaw driver, faster!
Ow! Sir, the whip isn't helping.
Silence! You call yourself Chinese?
No one can outrun the Flash.
Curses, one of my superfoes has set a trap for me.
(grunting)
(groaning and panting)
Hey, Grandpa's running.
That's not Grandpa.
Dad's just dehydrated.
(expanding squeak)
(groans)
BROCKMAN: And with 500 yards to go
the runners from Australia and Djibouti are neck and neck.
Two weary warriors now burning with pain and exhaustion
but only one will win the grand prize:
a walking tour of Springfield.
(both panting)
(chuckles) That tour is mine.
(chuckling)
Well, hold the phone, Dora.
A new challenger has emerged out of nowhere.
He's running on shear pluck, moxie and grit
all of which he'll be tested for after the race.
(Italian accent) Hey, I win the race.
Viva Italia!
Folks, our winner seems to be from Italy.
I love-a you all.
I use up all-a my English.
Grazie, Springfield.
-(caws) -(screams)
He's a phony!
Lousy cheater!
I demand a re-race.
I got a better idea.
Let's have a fun run on his trachea.
-Yeah. -Kill him!
Make him pay!
(tires screeching)
Get in, hurry!
BART: Mob... stranger?
Mob... stranger. Stranger.
(grunts)
(tires screeching)
Who are you?
Oh, you'll find out in due time.
Well, it says here
your name is L.T. Smash.
The time has come.
I'm L.T. Smash.
Thank you so much for saving our son
from that murderous mob.
Well, thank you for letting me chill in your crib.
And thank you for assuming we're hip.
All right. Now here's the 4-1-1.
I'm a record producer, see?
I'm starting a new boy band
and there's a place in it for Bart.
My Bart?
Oh, yeah. That stunt he pulled at the race shows me
he's the bad boy I'm looking for.
(chuckles)
Now listen to me, Smash.
We're not signing anything unless it's a contract.
Why do you want Bart?
He's not much of a singer.
Marge, it's not the singing that brings in the Sacajaweas.
Bart's a rebel, and that's what I need for my new band
the Party Posse.
Now hold on. I have some concerns.
Please, Mom,
my dream is to be a rock star.
And my dream is to get rid of Bart.
-But... -How many lives must you ruin?
Oh, OK.
Bart, I want you to meet and greet the other members
of the Party Posse.
He's smart, he's soulful,
he's Milhouse.
What up, G Money?
Next, he'll break your nose,
your glasses, and your heart,
Nelson.
Wait, these are just guys from school.
Who's next, Ralph Wiggum?
Whee! I'm a pop sensation.
And I'm the mack daddy behind such groups as
New Kids in the Ditch and Boy-nudo.
I'm going to make you stars.
Sneer, sneer.
Two, three, four, and thrust,
and grab yourself right there.
Now let go and flirt.
You call that a flirt?
I'm not melting!
OK, your tunes are fly,
and your threads are dope
All that's left is the singing.
"Party Posse, we rule the earth.
The greatest band since music's birth."
Isn't this song a little boastful?
No one told me there was gonna be boasting.
Just take it from the top.
♪ Party Posse We rule the earth ♪
♪ The greatest band since music's birth ♪
(shudders)
Thank you, NASA.
(funky pop intro playing)
(perfect harmony) ♪ We love to sweat and we love to sing ♪
♪ We're real funky but not threatening ♪
♪ We're the best band in the world ♪
♪ But we'd give it all up for that special girl ♪
♪ You're my special girl ♪
♪ Special girl ♪
(gasping and twittering)
♪ You're my special girl ♪
♪ You... ♪
So, from now on anything caught in your zipper
will be handled by the school nurse and not me.
And now are you adequately prepared to rock?
(all cheering)
Silence!
Here they are, the Party Posse.
Hello, Springfield!
Now here's a song
that your Principal Skinner doesn't want us to play.
ALL: Boo!
That's not true!
This assembly was my idea.
I like your brand of inoffensive pop rock.
Screw you, man!
We're going to play it anyway!
(all cheering)
Mmm.
(pop ballad intro playing)
♪ I saw you last night at the spelling bee ♪
♪ I knew right then that it was L-U-V ♪
♪ I gotta spell out what you mean to me ♪
♪ 'Cause I can no longer be ♪
♪ A silent "G" ♪
♪ I've gotta spell out ♪
♪ I gotta spell out... ♪
♪ I've gotta spell out what you mean to me ♪
Oh, man, they're going to be big.
And you stood in their way.
No, I didn't.
I even came in early and made orange drink.
Orange drink?
What, do you live with your mama?
She's lives with me.
(audience cheering)
I can't believe it. They loved us.
I'm wearing a bathrobe and I'm not even sick.
Yo, dudes! Awesome show.
(gasp) It's 'N Sync!
(driving pop rock playing)
Word.
What brings you to Springfield?
We saw your band formation notice in the paper.
Really? You saw our BFN?
I can't believe I'm meeting Milhouse.
Word.
(grunt)
So, anyway, we brought you this wicked gift basket.
Stubble glitter, a crowd taser...
"Crowd taser"?
Yeah, it's perfect
for getting through the fans to your limousine.
(grunts) Yo!
-(watch alarm beeps) -Dudes, we got to go.
Our clothes are getting a little out of date.
To the Bandanna Republic!
Word.
(driving pop rock playing)
Now we got to send them a basket.
BART: Oh, yeah, that's the spot.
(groans)
That is perfect.
Mom, can't Bart get his massage somewhere else?
Don't be selfish, Lisa.
Will you two shut up?
I'm missing precious VJ prattle.
Whoo! That was the latest ad for Stridex Pads, medicated.
OK, coming at you
a world-premiere video from P-Squared--
that's the Par-tay Pos-se!
Whoo, yeah! All right!
Rock! Whoo!
♪ Oh, say can you rock? ♪
♪ There's trouble in a far off nation ♪
♪ Time to get in love formation ♪
♪ Your love's more deadly than Saddam ♪
♪ That's why I got to drop da bomb ♪
Party Posse!
(indistinct chatter)
♪ Yvan eht nioj ♪
♪ Yvan eht nioj... nioj ♪
♪ Yvan eht nioj ♪
You gotta love that crazy chorus.
What does it mean?
It doesn't mean anything.
It's like "Rama lama ding-dong" or "Give peace a chance."
♪ This party is happening ♪
♪ It's no mirage ♪
♪ So sing it again ♪
♪ Yvan eht nioj ♪
(indistinct chatter)
LISA: There's something weird about that video.
None of those girls has had three kids.
I can tell you that.
No, something else.
♪ Yvan eht nioj ♪
Yvan eht nioj. They keep saying that.
Wait, what was that?
Uncle Sam?!
Let me play this backwards.
♪ Join the Navy ♪
(gasps)
They're recruiting people with subliminal messages!
(honking)
Otto, what are you doing?
I don't know.
I just got an urge to join the Navy.
You're being brainwashed!
Yeah, probably.
Yvan eht nioj!
L.T., thank God you're here!
The government's putting subliminal messages in your videos.
Subliminal messages?
Do you have any idea how insane that sounds?
Is that a Navy tattoo?
A Navy tattoo? Do you have any idea how insane that sounds?
(gasps)
Lieutenant Smash.
Yeah, that's right.
Lieutenant L.T. Smash.
A wig!
But... but your pant legs...
Oh! How could you soil the good name of Star Blitzzz Promotions?
Oh, come on, Lisa.
We've always used pop stars to recruit people...
going back to Elvis.
Then there was Sergeant Pepper's,
the Captain & Tennille,
and the Kiss army.
But you have recruiting ads on TV.
Why do you need subliminal messages?
It's a three-pronged attack...
subliminal, liminal, and super-liminal.
Super-liminal?
I'll show you.
Hey, you! Join the Navy!
-Uh... yeah, all right. -I'm in.
Now that you know, Lisa,
I'm afraid I can't let you leave.
Oh.
Wait a minute. Bart's band is brainwashing kids
with subliminal messages?
That's pretty far-fetched, Lisa.
Are you sure someone hasn't been bitten
by the jealousy bug?
(laughs) Here comes the jealousy bug!
-Gonna get you! -Hey!
Cut it out. You're a grown man.
(gasps) I want to go home now.
Nobody's going home.
We're going to see Bart's concert.
LISA: An aircraft carrier?
Oh, that's subtle.
Good Afternoon and welcome to the USS Sea Spanker Naval Museum.
Are you ready to tear it up?
(audience cheering)
I can't hear you.
(loud cheering and applause)
Do you maggots want to see a show or not?
I mean, uh... uh... here they are...
The Party Posse!
(cheering)
(up-tempo pop playing)
♪ Had a girl in every port ♪
♪ From here to Barcelona ♪
♪ But now I'm docked in Springfield ♪
♪ And, girl, I'm gonna phone ya ♪
(cheering)
♪ Stormed a lot of beaches ♪
♪ But you're the one that I missed ♪
♪ Let's get back together, girl ♪
♪ Let's reenlist ♪
Ow! Hot! Hot! Hot!
♪ So sign me up for a hitch of love ♪
♪ Recruit my heart ♪
♪ Four sweet years of love ♪
Everybody ball-walk!
Oh, yeah!
Looking good, guys.
And double time!
That's it.
Protect the country.
(growling)
Groovy, dudes.
Burn down the barbershops!
I hate America!
(grunts)
MAN: Lieutenant! Lieutenant Smash!
Huh? Oh, Admiral.
The hippie fantasy again?
They're getting less frequent, sir.
Excellent.
Well, there's no easy way to say this,
the new administration is shutting down Project Boy Band.
Shutting it down?
Permission to say, "That's crazy," sir?
You won't say it's crazy
when you see next week's issue of Mad magazine.
Oh, dear God.
When this satirical bombshell hits the stands tomorrow
your band will have as much recruiting power
as a wax apple.
I don't follow, sir.
It's over, L.T.
(gasps)
♪ Let's march all day, and clean latrines all night ♪
(off-key) ♪ Don't bust me down ♪
♪ Let's re-up tonight... ♪
-What are they doing? -Oh, my brain!
(screeching) ♪ Let's re-up tonight! ♪
-You suck out loud! -Major!
I'm outta here!
You fool!
Look what you done!
Well, now it's my turn.
Don't do it, L.T.!
You leave me no choice.
No!
(whimpering) No!
(all screaming)
So, uh... what songs did I miss?
Dad, L.T.'s gone crazy.
(cackles)
Yeah, that's the look.
(chuckling)
(horn blaring)
Do you think he's going to do something dangerous?
How should I know?
Just keep loading missiles.
Pop music's hard work.
The Statue of Liberty?
Where are we?
(horn blares)
All right, Posse, that's our target.
(all gasping)
(gasps) Not Mad!
That's our nation's largest
mental illness-themed humor magazine.
Why don't we call it Everybody Hates Raymond?
(all laughing)
Well, we stayed up all night,
but it was worth it.
We can't let L.T. blow up Mad.
Tina Brown was just starting to turn it around.
We got to mellow him out.
But how? We would need the ultimate chill-out song.
And fast.
(pop rock playing)
(screeches)
We heard what you said.
Yeah. Heard it old school.
(gasps) It's 'N Sync!
Can the chitchat, Milhouse.
We've got just the song you need
to defuse this wack-attack.
Defuse it old school!
'Bout time.
Radical!
Awesome!
I can't read.
I can't sing without dancing.
Fine.
Thrust, spin, turn.
Pivot, pout, jiggy.
Jiggy, robot, do-si-do.
And close with a Matrix.
(groans)
Nobody pouts going into a jiggy.
-Yeah, that's stupid. -I want to twirl.
Aw, come on, guys.
We've only got a few minutes to... uh-oh.
Everybody OK?
Uh, yeah, I'm fine.
-Yeah, I'm fine. -I actually feel better.
(laughing)
Well, boys, the Party Posse is over
but at least I saved you from a public spoofing.
Aw, man!
We could have been on the cover of Mad.
They called me "Smelson."
(laughs)
(all laughing)
"Smelson."
It's funny 'cause you smell.
(laughing)
"Smelson."
I could have thought of that.
Sure you could have.
Off you go now.
You know, we've had a lot of fun tonight
at the expense of the U.S. Navy.
But they're out there every day
protecting us from Godzilla.
And don't forget pirates.
And jellyfish.
Those wack invertebrates will sting you old school!
So check out the Navy for a two-or a four-year hitch.
We signed J.C. up yesterday.
What?
Nooo!
♪ Join the Navy ♪
It's 'N Sync!
(whistling theme song)
(all laughing)
D'oh!
I can't believe I'm meeting Milhouse.
Yeah, heard it old school!
No!
Bart was so cool.
-A little short. -He's about this tall.
Don't print that.
(whistling theme song)
-Bravo! -Word.
That just sounds like something I would say.
Shh.
Captioned by Visual Data Media Services