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(theme music playing)
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CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
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(bell ringing)
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(whistle blows)
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(beeping)
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(playing the blues)
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(tires screeching)
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(honking horn)
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(tires screeching)
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D'oh!
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(tires screeching)
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(Homer grunting and screaming)
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MAN: Hey, kids,
look who's making breakfast.
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BOTH: Itchy and Scratchy?
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That's right, kids.
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Never start the day on an empty stomach.
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(gags)
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{\an8}It's delicious.
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{\an8}Want to try?
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{\an8}-Yay!
-Yay!
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(Scratchy grunting)
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{\an8}Ooh, so cold.
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Wow, pink daggers.
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Green hatchets.
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Yellow ice picks.
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And Stabby-Oh's are part of
this nutritious breakfast.
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{\an8}Hey, if you guys
made breakfast, where's Mom?
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{\an8}MOM: Here I am...
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{\an8}but thanks to Stabby-Oh's,
most of me is still in bed.
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{\an8}That ad campaign may have crossed a line.
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{\an8}Ah, what can you do? Sex sells.
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{\an8}(Marge groans) Homer, you're still here?
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{\an8}You should've left for work an hour ago.
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{\an8}They said if I come in
late again, I'm fired.
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{\an8}I can't take that chance.
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{\an8}And, kids, you're going to miss
the school bus.
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{\an8}(gasps) It's only two blocks away.
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(both gasping)
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{\an8}(both groaning)
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{\an8}(Marge groaning)
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{\an8}But I got to spit.
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{\an8}You can spit on the bus.
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{\an8}Uh, Mom...
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{\an8}Not now, Lisa.
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{\an8}Chew, chew, chew.
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{\an8}Swallow, swallow, swallow.
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{\an8}(choking)
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{\an8}(coughs)
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Mmmm.
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(panting)
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(honking horn)
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{\an8}Aw, darn.
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{\an8}Looks like we'll have to stay home today.
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{\an8}Not on my watch.
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{\an8}-(car horn honks)
-Stop!
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{\an8}-(car horn honks)
-Stop!
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{\an8}Oh, you want to drag?
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{\an8}CHILDREN: Yay!
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(gasps and groans)
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{\an8}I'm not racing!
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{\an8}It's me, Marge Simpson!
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{\an8}No, you eat my dust.
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{\an8}(cheers)
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{\an8}(tires screeching)
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Woah, it's like Speed 2
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only with a bus instead of a boat.
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(horn honking)
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(yelps)
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(tires screeching)
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{\an8}I did it!
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{\an8}I caught the school bus!
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{\an8}Now, hurry up and get on.
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{\an8}But, Mom, the school's right here.
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{\an8}I won.
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{\an8}Don't take that away from me.
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{\an8}(hydraulics whooshing)
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{\an8}OK, everybody off.
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{\an8}Oops, almost forgot.
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{\an8}Picking up a new kid today.
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{\an8}-CHILDREN: Whoa!
-CHILD: Oh, neato.
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{\an8}-New kid...
-Wow...
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{\an8}a new kid!
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{\an8}I wonder what they're like?
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{\an8}(sighs)
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{\an8}(moaning)
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{\an8}(sighs)
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(bleating)
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(giggling)
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{\an8}(grunts)
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{\an8}Red hair?
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{\an8}What's she trying to pull?
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{\an8}Those shoes look Canadian.
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{\an8}She'll never fit in.
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Oh, it's tough being the new kid.
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Someone should go talk to her.
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Yeah, somebody should.
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"One-hour dry cleaner"?
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Man, that's fast.
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Kids gone?
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Yep.
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It's great to have some time
just to ourselves, huh?
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You read my mind.
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So...
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this coffee's good, huh?
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Yeah.
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The, uh... the milk
really takes the edge off.
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You know, I think our marriage is
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(door bell rings)
BOTH: I got it! I got it!
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-No, I got it!
-No, I do!
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Your baby is dead.
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(gasping)
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That's what you'd hear,
if your baby fell victim
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to the thousands of deathtraps
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lurking in the average American home.
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(sighs)
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"Springfield Baby-Proofing"?
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(sighing) You-you really scared us.
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Sorry about that, but the truth is
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your baby, Maggie Simpson, is dead...
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(gasping)
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dead tired of baby-proofers
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who don't provide a free estimate.
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Let's start in the kitchen.
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Now, pretend I'm a baby.
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[mumbles]
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(baby-talk): Me like to explore.
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That's a pretty big caboose for a baby.
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Homer. Don't be... Wow, that is huge.
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(baby talk continuing): Ooh...
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pretty colors.
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Me want to drink.
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(straining and groaning)
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(banging)
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(sputtering)
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(grunting)
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(grunts)
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(gasps) She got it open.
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You see how quickly your baby
could've been drinking
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this... "Similac Baby Formula"?
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No!
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(grunts)
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(murmurs)
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This is such an eye-opener.
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I always pictured the kids
dying in the living room.
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OK, with the window bars,
toilet latches, dingo alarm
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and grapefruit-squirt shield,
your total cost would be...
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Wow, I'm rich.
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$3.00? That doesn't seem so bad.
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That's the price of the clipboard.
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Here's your estimate.
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Mm-hmm. Mm.
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{\an8}(screaming)
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{\an8}(grunts)
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We don't need
your high-priced safety junk.
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Thank you.
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Look at the new kid
hogging the teeter-totter.
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It's like she owns the place.
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Yeah, she thinks
she's Babe: Pig in the City.
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Give her a break.
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Remember your first day at school?
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Not as long as I keep taking these.
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{\an8}Well, someone's got
to make her feel welcome.
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Hi, there.
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My name's Lisa.
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What's yours?
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(grunts)
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(Lisa groaning)
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Now, don't feel bad, honey.
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Did you know back in grade school
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I had a bully problem myself?
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♪ Everybody was Kung-Fu fighting ♪
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(playing accompaniment)
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♪ Those cats were fast as lightning ♪
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Good times.
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(Lisa groans)
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{\an8}Why don't you try
reaching out to this new girl?
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{\an8}See if you two have a common interest.
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00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:07,987
Hmm. Well, lots of people
like jazz fusion.
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(complex saxophone solo)
180
00:08:11,073 --> 00:08:13,743
OK, that's in the "maybe" file.
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00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:17,246
What if you two bond
over your Malibu Stacey dolls?
182
00:08:17,663 --> 00:08:20,625
They're not dolls,
they're aspiration figures.
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But it might work.
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That baby-proofing crook wanted to sell us
185
00:08:26,797 --> 00:08:28,966
safety covers for the electrical outlets.
186
00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:31,719
But I'll just draw bunny faces on them
187
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to scare Maggie away.
188
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She's not afraid of bunnies.
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She will be.
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Uh, Francine?
191
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I think we got off to a bad start so...
192
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Hey-- you like Malibu Stacey, too?
193
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Oh, yeah.
194
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(gasps) And you like the same one I like--
195
00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:55,743
with the "Grad-student Glamour Pack"
196
00:08:55,826 --> 00:08:57,453
just like the one in my...
197
00:08:58,162 --> 00:08:59,080
locker.
198
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That's mine, isn't it?
199
00:09:05,294 --> 00:09:06,629
Tastes like yours.
200
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(whimpering)
201
00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:12,552
How about jazz?
202
00:09:12,635 --> 00:09:14,011
Do you like jazz?
203
00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:15,930
MILHOUSE: I like jazz.
204
00:09:16,013 --> 00:09:18,558
Milhouse? She got you, too?
205
00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:20,309
Yeah. But it's not so bad--
206
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,644
I'm standing on Ralph.
207
00:09:21,727 --> 00:09:23,354
We're a totem pole!
208
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(chanting): Hiya, hiya, hoya, hiya!
209
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(whistling)
210
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And, and, there.
211
00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:33,281
See, honey, Daddy's protecting you
212
00:09:33,364 --> 00:09:35,491
from all the sharp scary things.
213
00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,410
-Here, hold this a sec.
-(Maggie coos)
214
00:09:37,493 --> 00:09:38,661
-(nail gun firing)
-Ow!
215
00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:40,329
Oh, my...
216
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:41,664
(cooing)
217
00:09:41,747 --> 00:09:42,582
Oow!
218
00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:45,459
OK, Maggie, put it down.
219
00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:47,753
-D'oh! O-OK, now.
-(giggling)
220
00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:48,963
Put-- D'oh!
221
00:09:49,046 --> 00:09:50,089
It--
222
00:09:50,172 --> 00:09:51,465
down. D-ohh!
223
00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:52,758
Oh! (laughs)
224
00:09:52,842 --> 00:09:54,468
OK, that's quite enough.
225
00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:55,928
{\an8}It's not funny anymore.
226
00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:57,722
D-ohh! D-ohh!
227
00:09:58,180 --> 00:09:59,223
(gasping)
228
00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:01,100
No, no, no!
229
00:10:01,183 --> 00:10:02,810
Oh, Homie.
230
00:10:03,227 --> 00:10:04,103
Ow.
231
00:10:04,186 --> 00:10:05,980
Ooh! Ow, ow, ow.
232
00:10:06,063 --> 00:10:09,275
Now do you realize how unsafe
the American home is?
233
00:10:09,358 --> 00:10:12,612
Baby accidents occur every three minutes.
234
00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:14,488
I'm the one who told you that.
235
00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:16,198
Yeah, but this is me talking.
236
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:19,076
Look, I've already encased
the telephone in concrete.
237
00:10:19,785 --> 00:10:21,537
How are you supposed to dial?
238
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:22,747
Reach into these holes.
239
00:10:22,830 --> 00:10:24,165
I use a carrot.
240
00:10:24,248 --> 00:10:25,416
Isn't that a little excessive?
241
00:10:25,499 --> 00:10:27,585
I mean, how are the buttons dangerous?
242
00:10:27,668 --> 00:10:29,253
Baby could order poison.
243
00:10:29,337 --> 00:10:31,297
Oh, that's ridiculous.
244
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:35,051
MALE CLERK: Poison Delivery Service.
245
00:10:35,134 --> 00:10:37,720
A gift basket of poisons is on its way.
246
00:10:37,803 --> 00:10:39,722
Oh, I'm a horrible mother.
247
00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:41,807
Of course you are.
248
00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:45,019
Marge, I've finally discovered
the reason God made me...
249
00:10:45,102 --> 00:10:48,356
to protect his tiniest,
most breakable creatures.
250
00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:51,484
And I've got to share
that gift with the world.
251
00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:53,819
-Ow!
-(Marge gasps)
252
00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:55,446
Get her out of here.
253
00:10:56,072 --> 00:10:57,365
(Nelson grunting)
254
00:10:57,448 --> 00:10:59,950
Why you throwing tomatoes
at yourself, huh?
255
00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:01,952
Why you throwing tomatoes at yourself?
256
00:11:02,036 --> 00:11:03,913
{\an8}Your very question is faulty.
257
00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:05,373
You're faulty.
258
00:11:07,124 --> 00:11:08,125
Knock-knock...
259
00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:10,086
What do you want?
260
00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:12,963
Would you bullies be interested
in some bodyguard work?
261
00:11:13,047 --> 00:11:14,715
Oh, this is so funny.
262
00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:17,009
We were just talking about
moving into protection.
263
00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:19,053
We're offering a recess-and-lunch package
264
00:11:19,136 --> 00:11:20,638
that's very affordable.
265
00:11:20,721 --> 00:11:22,223
Well, I'm going to need full coverage.
266
00:11:22,306 --> 00:11:23,849
My bully is highly aggressive.
267
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:25,351
Check out these Indian burns.
268
00:11:25,434 --> 00:11:27,144
-Good technique.
-Wow, check it out.
269
00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:30,022
Triple twist. Nice work.
270
00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:32,066
You sure this was done by hand?
271
00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:33,901
Yeah, she's a real purist.
272
00:11:33,984 --> 00:11:34,902
She?
273
00:11:34,985 --> 00:11:36,779
Sorry, we don't do girls.
274
00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:38,322
They bite and kick and scratch.
275
00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:40,616
And sometimes we fall in love.
276
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:41,701
(all sigh)
277
00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:44,370
{\an8}Wow... there's so much I don't
understand about bullying.
278
00:11:44,453 --> 00:11:47,081
Yeah... there's a lot of history there.
279
00:11:47,164 --> 00:11:49,625
Did you know it predates agriculture?
280
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,752
-Mm-hmm.
-Let's walk.
281
00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:54,338
Finish the job.
282
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:55,881
(grunting)
283
00:11:56,465 --> 00:11:59,093
I just don't understand
Francine's motivation.
284
00:11:59,176 --> 00:12:00,094
Whoa!
285
00:12:00,177 --> 00:12:01,804
Whaa!
286
00:12:01,887 --> 00:12:04,890
(humming)
287
00:12:04,974 --> 00:12:07,351
Why does she only go after the smart ones?
288
00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:09,645
That's like asking
the square root of a million.
289
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,272
No one will ever know.
290
00:12:11,355 --> 00:12:12,523
Someone will.
291
00:12:12,606 --> 00:12:14,608
I'm going to crack the bully code.
292
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,193
♪ Oh, dee, doo, doo ♪
293
00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:17,987
♪ Savin' those babies ♪
294
00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:19,947
♪ And the soft spots on their heads ♪
295
00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:21,407
♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo ♪
296
00:12:21,949 --> 00:12:24,118
Problem, a pointy deity.
297
00:12:24,201 --> 00:12:26,328
And I've got the perfect solution.
298
00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:31,083
Oh, thank you.
299
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:33,711
No more Shiva-related pokings.
300
00:12:33,794 --> 00:12:35,880
Yeah, you know down the line,
you might want to switch
301
00:12:35,963 --> 00:12:37,715
to a nice, round Buddha.
302
00:12:37,798 --> 00:12:38,632
Oh!
303
00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:40,092
But... we are Hindu.
304
00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:42,261
So am I, but I don't
get all huffy about it.
305
00:12:42,344 --> 00:12:43,763
MALE SINGER: ♪ Just had a whim ♪
306
00:12:44,513 --> 00:12:46,640
♪ To go take a swim ♪
307
00:12:49,059 --> 00:12:50,269
♪ Out on a limb ♪
308
00:12:50,352 --> 00:12:52,396
♪ Just haul off and jump right in ♪
309
00:12:56,275 --> 00:12:58,569
♪ Slow down, buckle up ♪
310
00:12:58,652 --> 00:13:01,322
♪ Take the time, rehearse ♪
311
00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:04,033
♪ Always... ♪
312
00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:07,745
♪ Safety first ♪
313
00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:13,876
(indistinct chattering)
314
00:13:19,131 --> 00:13:22,468
Ach! 'Tis a mighty puddle of puke.
315
00:13:22,551 --> 00:13:23,928
I'm sorry.
316
00:13:24,011 --> 00:13:26,138
Ah, that's all right, lad.
317
00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:28,933
It reminds me why I got
into this business.
318
00:13:29,016 --> 00:13:32,394
Willie, I need to see
the school security tapes.
319
00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:36,524
Security tapes? There's no security tapes.
320
00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:38,859
{\an8}It's hard to miss the cameras.
321
00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:43,864
{\an8}Aye... Willie's a stinkin' liar.
322
00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:51,664
Why does the school need
to watch us all the time?
323
00:13:51,747 --> 00:13:52,581
School?
324
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,708
Oh, here's the tape I need.
325
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,253
Oh, my God!
326
00:13:57,336 --> 00:14:00,464
That roll of towels is nearin' the end!
327
00:14:00,548 --> 00:14:04,093
Ach! It's on double red stripe!
328
00:14:18,148 --> 00:14:20,734
How did she know I was there?
329
00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:29,827
{\an8}Hey, that time she looked right
at me and didn't touch me.
330
00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:34,373
Hmm...
331
00:14:35,499 --> 00:14:38,252
Of course! The nose clip.
332
00:14:38,919 --> 00:14:40,921
Hey, Willie, I think I'm on to something.
333
00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:42,047
Check this out.
334
00:14:43,632 --> 00:14:45,217
Not talking, eh, Willie?
335
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:46,302
Just listen, then.
336
00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:48,262
I think I figured out
337
00:14:48,345 --> 00:14:51,265
what sets off that big ape, Francine.
338
00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:53,559
Willie?
339
00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:55,686
Willie? Whoa!
340
00:14:55,769 --> 00:14:59,064
(punches landing)
341
00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:00,441
Yeah!
342
00:15:04,278 --> 00:15:06,155
(all panting and grunting)
343
00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:08,324
Come on, people.
344
00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:10,492
Move it. I want to see some sweat.
345
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:12,745
I am not mastering another stair
346
00:15:12,828 --> 00:15:17,374
until you explain the purpose
of this monstrous experiment.
347
00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:20,252
I believe the key to bully-nerd antagonism
348
00:15:20,336 --> 00:15:22,004
lies in your drippings.
349
00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:24,548
Then I shall drip like a pot roast.
350
00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:25,966
Excellent.
351
00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:27,843
Now don't mind the squeegee.
352
00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:32,932
Ah.
353
00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:35,267
Ah, the scraping seems wrong
354
00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:37,144
but it feels so right.
355
00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:41,732
And so, as Heavyweight Champion
356
00:15:41,815 --> 00:15:45,319
recognized by nine of the
forteen sanctioning bodies
357
00:15:45,402 --> 00:15:47,988
I sincerely urge you all
to stay in school.
358
00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:49,406
Uh, thank you.
359
00:15:51,533 --> 00:15:56,038
Thank you, Drederick Tatum.
That was truly a K.O...
360
00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:58,123
knockout oration. Heh.
361
00:15:58,207 --> 00:15:59,667
Need a ride home?
362
00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:02,086
You really don't want that. Trust me.
363
00:16:02,169 --> 00:16:03,253
Mr. Tatum...
364
00:16:03,337 --> 00:16:06,173
{\an8}do you mind if I swab you
with this damp rag?
365
00:16:06,256 --> 00:16:08,634
No, not at all. Swab away.
366
00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:10,260
Whoa, whoa.
367
00:16:10,344 --> 00:16:11,887
Nobody mentioned a beaker.
368
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,639
{\an8}Please? It's for science.
369
00:16:13,722 --> 00:16:16,141
Oh, for science. In that case, proceed.
370
00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:19,228
Lisa, this is outrageous.
Explain yourself.
371
00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:21,438
Shh, it's working. Look.
372
00:16:25,025 --> 00:16:27,444
Nelson, what are you doing?
373
00:16:27,528 --> 00:16:28,529
I don't know.
374
00:16:28,612 --> 00:16:30,572
I can't help myself.
375
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:33,242
Hey, cut it out. I insist that you desist.
376
00:16:34,743 --> 00:16:38,080
Sorry. I'm so sorry.
377
00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:40,207
Yes.
378
00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:46,046
Oh, please, don't hurt me.
379
00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:47,673
You leave me little recourse.
380
00:16:47,756 --> 00:16:52,052
ANNOUNCER: And now, the Estrogen
Network presents, Afternoon Yak.
381
00:16:52,136 --> 00:16:55,806
(applause and whistles)
382
00:16:55,889 --> 00:16:56,974
Men...
383
00:16:57,057 --> 00:16:58,517
(booing)
384
00:16:58,600 --> 00:16:59,518
Canceled.
385
00:16:59,601 --> 00:17:01,812
The safe-baby craze.
386
00:17:01,895 --> 00:17:05,649
It's sweeping Springfield,
thanks to one crusading parent.
387
00:17:05,733 --> 00:17:07,901
That's me. Safety dance.
388
00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:09,069
♪ You can dance ♪
389
00:17:09,153 --> 00:17:10,237
♪ You can dance ♪
390
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:12,156
♪ Everybody look at your pants ♪
391
00:17:12,239 --> 00:17:14,616
But while Homer Simpson
has made our babies safe
392
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:17,244
he's made our infant-related
businesses cry.
393
00:17:17,327 --> 00:17:19,246
All the way away from the bank.
394
00:17:19,329 --> 00:17:21,665
How are your baby crutch sales?
395
00:17:21,749 --> 00:17:22,875
Uh, terrible, Kent.
396
00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:24,585
And cartoon-character Band-Aids?
397
00:17:24,668 --> 00:17:25,627
Forget about it.
398
00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:26,879
Look at this baby.
399
00:17:26,962 --> 00:17:29,673
Not a scratch on him.
And I got boat payments.
400
00:17:31,341 --> 00:17:32,926
The dream is over.
401
00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:36,138
-Shut her down, boys.
-(squeals)
402
00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:42,227
Dear God, what have I done?
403
00:17:43,395 --> 00:17:45,856
Babies of Springfield, we need your help.
404
00:17:45,939 --> 00:17:46,899
Please.
405
00:17:46,982 --> 00:17:48,150
Skin your knees.
406
00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:49,985
Put dice up your nose.
407
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:52,446
Let cats sleep on your face.
408
00:17:55,616 --> 00:17:56,450
{\an8}The problem?
409
00:17:56,533 --> 00:17:58,952
Constant flying saucer attacks.
410
00:17:59,036 --> 00:18:00,662
(buzzing sound)
411
00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:02,164
{\an8}The solution?
412
00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:04,541
{\an8}And thus, the earth is saved.
413
00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:06,752
-MAN: That's a winner, Steve.
-WOMAN: Marvelous.
414
00:18:06,835 --> 00:18:09,546
That's quite an act to follow, Lisa.
415
00:18:09,630 --> 00:18:12,174
I know, and the crowd is so distinguished.
416
00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:14,510
{\an8}The inventor of the
walkie-talkie is out there.
417
00:18:14,593 --> 00:18:15,511
{\an8}Where?
418
00:18:15,594 --> 00:18:17,054
{\an8}Third row, near the aisle.
419
00:18:17,137 --> 00:18:20,432
(gasps) Ooh, your right.
And that's not his wife.
420
00:18:20,516 --> 00:18:21,517
(indistinct voices)
421
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:23,227
Scientists... scientists, please.
422
00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:24,561
Looking for some order...
423
00:18:24,645 --> 00:18:26,313
some order, please...
with the eyes forward
424
00:18:26,396 --> 00:18:28,273
and the hands neatly folded.
425
00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:30,150
and the paying of attention.
426
00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:31,485
Pi is exactly three.
427
00:18:31,568 --> 00:18:32,820
(gasping)
428
00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:35,531
Very sorry that it had to come to that.
429
00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:37,282
But now that I have your attention
430
00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:39,743
we have some exciting, new research
431
00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:41,203
from young Lisa Simpson.
432
00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:42,746
-Let's bring her out and pay attention.
-(scattered applause)
433
00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:44,665
MAN: She's just a little girl...
434
00:18:44,748 --> 00:18:46,125
... in the larval stage...
435
00:18:46,208 --> 00:18:47,751
Let's not listen...
436
00:18:47,835 --> 00:18:49,253
(clearing throat)
437
00:18:49,336 --> 00:18:50,796
My study is entitled
438
00:18:50,879 --> 00:18:53,882
"Airborne Pheromones
and Aggression in Bullies."
439
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:55,509
Bullies? Where?
440
00:18:55,592 --> 00:18:57,886
For as long as there have been
smart people
441
00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,805
there have been bullies to prey on them.
442
00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:01,765
From Galileo...
443
00:19:02,516 --> 00:19:03,976
To Sir Isaac Newton...
444
00:19:04,059 --> 00:19:06,645
and even in the animal kingdom.
445
00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:10,774
But why do the brawny prey on the brainy?
446
00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:12,985
-Is it jealousy?
-Yes. Yes. Of course, yes.
447
00:19:13,068 --> 00:19:15,696
No. The reason is chemical.
448
00:19:15,779 --> 00:19:16,905
No, no. That's not possible.
449
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:19,074
That's impossible.
Chemicals are our friends.
450
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:20,200
She's a witch.
451
00:19:20,284 --> 00:19:23,162
Please, Dr. Koop, let me demonstrate.
452
00:19:24,538 --> 00:19:25,789
(wheels squeaking)
453
00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:28,542
This is my test subject, Francine.
454
00:19:28,625 --> 00:19:29,626
(growls)
455
00:19:29,710 --> 00:19:30,919
(gasping)
456
00:19:32,212 --> 00:19:34,798
I'd like to thank her parents
for helping with the caging.
457
00:19:35,966 --> 00:19:37,968
Let me out of here!
458
00:19:38,051 --> 00:19:40,679
{\an8}I have isolated the chemical
which is emitted
459
00:19:40,762 --> 00:19:43,223
{\an8}by every geek, dork and four-eyes.
460
00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:45,559
{\an8}I call it "Poindextrose."
461
00:19:45,642 --> 00:19:47,769
Woo-hoo! Simpsons rule.
462
00:19:48,353 --> 00:19:49,271
Sorry.
463
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:56,403
(growling) You're dead, nerd.
464
00:19:56,486 --> 00:19:59,656
{\an8}The bully has caught my scent,
and she's at maximum rage.
465
00:20:00,782 --> 00:20:01,783
Professor Frink?
466
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:03,452
(grunting)
467
00:20:03,535 --> 00:20:05,454
Very well, Lisa, I'll just finagle the...
468
00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:06,788
(audience gasping)
469
00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:10,042
Are you mad, Frink?
Put down that science pole.
470
00:20:10,125 --> 00:20:11,668
(door squeaks)
471
00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:15,297
(screams)
472
00:20:18,091 --> 00:20:19,134
Huh?
473
00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:21,345
My God, she stopped in her tracks.
474
00:20:21,428 --> 00:20:24,723
The little girl's invented
some sort of bully repellent.
475
00:20:24,806 --> 00:20:25,974
-Yes, yes, you're right.
-Let's not listen.
476
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:28,518
Actually, it's just ordinary
salad dressing.
477
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:30,729
So that's where that went.
478
00:20:30,812 --> 00:20:33,106
The pungent vinegar
and tangy Roquefort block
479
00:20:33,190 --> 00:20:35,817
the smell receptors,
rendering the bully harmless.
480
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:37,569
-Oh, wonderful.
-Oh.
481
00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:38,737
Wonderful.
482
00:20:38,820 --> 00:20:40,364
Congratulations, Lisa.
483
00:20:40,447 --> 00:20:42,199
You are truly the standout
484
00:20:42,282 --> 00:20:44,576
of this year's Big Science Thing.
485
00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:47,663
A gift certificate from J.C. Penney?
486
00:20:47,746 --> 00:20:49,498
Yes, you'll love their slacks.
487
00:20:49,581 --> 00:20:50,540
(laughs)
488
00:20:50,624 --> 00:20:53,752
Oh, honey, we're so proud of you.
489
00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:59,007
So, all her bullying was
just to get some attention?
490
00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:00,259
No, Dad.
491
00:21:00,342 --> 00:21:01,969
Didn't you listen to anything I said?
492
00:21:02,052 --> 00:21:04,763
Just to get some attention.
493
00:21:04,846 --> 00:21:06,098
FRINK: Lisa, help.
494
00:21:10,143 --> 00:21:11,436
(Francine grunts)
495
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:13,272
The repellent's all gone.
496
00:21:13,355 --> 00:21:15,732
Don't worry. She'll punch herself out.
497
00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:17,818
Suck fist, Doctor Dork.
498
00:21:17,901 --> 00:21:20,362
Someone's going to sleep well tonight.
499
00:21:20,445 --> 00:21:22,906
(laughing)
500
00:21:23,573 --> 00:21:24,574
(grunting)
501
00:21:24,658 --> 00:21:27,911
-MARGE: What a cutie.
-Look at her pound that nerd.
502
00:21:27,995 --> 00:21:30,664
(grunting)
503
00:21:33,875 --> 00:21:35,168
(sniffing)
504
00:21:37,337 --> 00:21:40,007
(screams)
505
00:21:44,469 --> 00:21:48,348
♪ I'm feelin' free I'll go climb a tree ♪
506
00:21:51,018 --> 00:21:54,896
♪ Oh monkey me,
I'm just like a chimpanzee ♪
507
00:21:57,899 --> 00:22:03,322
♪ But it's way too high and so
this time I'll just pretend ♪
508
00:22:03,947 --> 00:22:09,828
♪ Ah, and then
I will live to climb again ♪
509
00:22:10,620 --> 00:22:12,831
♪ Ah... ♪
510
00:22:14,041 --> 00:22:16,209
♪ Ah... ♪
511
00:22:17,210 --> 00:22:21,423
♪ Ah, just remember ♪
512
00:22:22,215 --> 00:22:27,721
♪ Always Safety First ♪
513
00:22:29,973 --> 00:22:31,892
Captioned by
Visual Data Media Services