1 00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:02,919 (theme music playing) 2 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:06,464 CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 3 00:00:16,933 --> 00:00:18,643 (bell ringing) 4 00:00:23,982 --> 00:00:25,025 (whistle blows) 5 00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:30,697 (beeping) 6 00:00:35,285 --> 00:00:37,537 (playing the blues) 7 00:00:38,246 --> 00:00:40,874 (jazzy solo) 8 00:00:47,505 --> 00:00:48,465 (chimes) 9 00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:53,970 (tires screeching) 10 00:00:58,850 --> 00:00:59,851 (honking horn) 11 00:01:00,935 --> 00:01:02,395 (tires screeching) 12 00:01:04,272 --> 00:01:05,398 D'oh! 13 00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:06,733 (screams) 14 00:01:06,816 --> 00:01:07,817 (tires screeching) 15 00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:27,378 Welcome to the Springfield YMCA. 16 00:01:27,462 --> 00:01:30,423 {\an8}Tonight you can sample all of our classes for free. 17 00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:32,258 {\an8}and if you find one you like, 18 00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:34,677 {\an8}you can pay the membership fee and enroll. 19 00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:36,679 {\an8}(laughter) 20 00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:39,849 {\an8}(laughs) I know. We'll never see any of you again. 21 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,184 {\an8}-(assenting) -HOMER: You got that right. 22 00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:43,144 {\an8}(ball bouncing) 23 00:01:43,228 --> 00:01:45,271 {\an8}Alley-oop. 24 00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:49,609 {\an8}Three to one. Ooh, this is a high-scoring affair. 25 00:01:49,692 --> 00:01:52,654 {\an8}Yeah? Well, it's your turn to get the ball out of the peach basket. 26 00:01:52,737 --> 00:01:56,699 {\an8}(muttering) I'll get a ball out of your peach basket one of these days. 27 00:01:56,783 --> 00:01:58,535 Welcome to gymnastics. 28 00:01:58,618 --> 00:02:00,161 {\an8}I am Coach Lugash. 29 00:02:00,245 --> 00:02:04,874 {\an8}I came to this country in '83 by cartwheeling over Berlin Wall. 30 00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:07,001 (giggles) 31 00:02:07,085 --> 00:02:09,921 -No giggling! It weakens the haunches! -(students gasp) 32 00:02:10,004 --> 00:02:13,174 {\an8}What a little angel. How old are you? 33 00:02:13,258 --> 00:02:17,679 {\an8}-Eight. -Eight? Too old! Go home, Grandma! 34 00:02:17,762 --> 00:02:19,681 {\an8}I am sorry, little girl. 35 00:02:19,764 --> 00:02:23,726 {\an8}Lugash must go next door to anger management class. 36 00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:27,564 {\an8}Worthless anger management class! 37 00:02:27,647 --> 00:02:32,110 {\an8}I hate it so much! I spit on it! 38 00:02:33,278 --> 00:02:35,405 {\an8}Yo, boy, this class is tight. 39 00:02:35,488 --> 00:02:37,782 {\an8}You go from "sloppa" to "proppa." 40 00:02:37,866 --> 00:02:39,117 {\an8}Cool. 41 00:02:39,784 --> 00:02:43,163 {\an8}-(gasps) -Welcome to my etiquette class: 42 00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:46,332 -The Proper Young Man. -But the black man said-- 43 00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:50,670 {\an8}Are you accusing my husband of misleading you? Good gracious! 44 00:02:50,753 --> 00:02:52,589 I should bust a cap in your ass! 45 00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:55,091 Mmm, I'll pick, uh, Carl. 46 00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:58,011 Lenny and Carl. I kinda like the sound of that. 47 00:02:58,094 --> 00:03:01,431 My turn, huh? Let's see. 48 00:03:01,514 --> 00:03:03,349 {\an8}Pick me! Pick me! I got hoop dreams, Coach! 49 00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:04,726 {\an8}I got 'em bad! 50 00:03:04,809 --> 00:03:07,103 {\an8}-OK. Homer! -Yes! 51 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:10,982 {\an8}Losers! Losers, losers, l-- 52 00:03:11,065 --> 00:03:12,483 -You said "Homer," right? -Mm-hmm. 53 00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:13,735 Losers! 54 00:03:13,818 --> 00:03:15,612 I'll take Professor Frink. 55 00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:17,989 {\an8}Ah, you won't regret it, my good man. 56 00:03:18,072 --> 00:03:19,908 {\an8}What with the passing, and the dribbling... 57 00:03:19,991 --> 00:03:22,535 {\an8}and my shoes made of the flubber! 58 00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:24,913 {\an8}And away I go! It's frightening. 59 00:03:24,996 --> 00:03:28,833 {\an8}Ow, that was painful. Oh, the flubber is burning my feet! 60 00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:30,210 {\an8}Now before we begin... 61 00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:31,836 {\an8}fitness buff Rainier Wolfcastle 62 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,672 would like to say a few words about the Springfield YMCA. 63 00:03:34,756 --> 00:03:38,092 (grunts) Oh, hello. 64 00:03:40,136 --> 00:03:42,931 I have purchased the Springfield YMCA. 65 00:03:43,014 --> 00:03:46,643 I plan to tear it down and turn the land into a nature preserve... 66 00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:50,396 where I will hunt the deadliest game of all... man! 67 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:52,273 Now let's play ball! 68 00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:55,360 Ooh, and Lenny is taking off! 69 00:03:56,569 --> 00:03:58,655 -(grunts) -That's a foul. 70 00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:01,991 I am taking the ball and going home. 71 00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,160 Hey! Hey, that's not your ball! 72 00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:07,330 (rifle clicks) The chase begins. 73 00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:08,581 (gasps) 74 00:04:10,124 --> 00:04:15,255 Whoo! You da man, Carl! I believe you can fly! 75 00:04:15,338 --> 00:04:17,548 Boy, I am so sick of everyone assuming 76 00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:20,343 I'm good at basketball because I'm African-American. 77 00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:22,720 (grunts) 78 00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:26,432 (chanting) Go, Carl. Go, Carl. 79 00:04:26,516 --> 00:04:28,851 It's my birthday. It's my birthday. 80 00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:31,646 Three-peat! You got mail, baby! 81 00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:36,609 -(shrieks) -(groans) 82 00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:41,281 Willie tickles the twine for two! Oy! Oy! 83 00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:45,994 OK, guys. I got a secret play I've been saving for the Olympics... 84 00:04:46,077 --> 00:04:47,662 or possibly the Final Four. 85 00:04:47,745 --> 00:04:49,998 And it goes something like this. 86 00:04:50,081 --> 00:04:52,875 (quietly) All right, Skinner, I want you to block out Carl. 87 00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:55,128 Moe, you can take Professor Frink. 88 00:04:55,211 --> 00:04:57,171 Homer, you take Groundskeeper Willie. 89 00:04:57,255 --> 00:04:59,090 No way am I taking Groundskeeper Willie. 90 00:04:59,173 --> 00:05:01,592 Yes, you are. Are you a team player or not? 91 00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:05,680 Oh, my goodness, an untied shoelace. 92 00:05:06,097 --> 00:05:09,392 I'll just get down on one knee and re-tie that. 93 00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:13,146 (grunts) Eat my dust, mortals! 94 00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:16,274 (groans) I'm OK. 95 00:05:16,357 --> 00:05:18,568 -(metal squeaks) -(gasp) 96 00:05:18,901 --> 00:05:20,361 (groans) 97 00:05:23,072 --> 00:05:24,615 Homer, I'm afraid you've torn out 98 00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:26,701 your anterior cruciate ligament. 99 00:05:26,784 --> 00:05:30,747 -Did you say "anterior"? -Yes. 100 00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:32,582 (screaming) 101 00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:34,167 Now how did this happen? 102 00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:39,172 {\an8}Maybe a little morphine would refresh my memory. 103 00:05:39,255 --> 00:05:41,382 {\an8}(chuckles, moans with pleasure) 104 00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:44,302 {\an8}I don't know. I'm still a little hazy. 105 00:05:44,385 --> 00:05:47,221 {\an8}Ga! Oh, yeah. 106 00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:50,183 {\an8}Now I remember it like it was yesterday. 107 00:05:50,266 --> 00:05:51,684 It happened today. 108 00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:54,437 Hey, man, you're harshing my buzz. 109 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:59,150 Anyway, it all started when I was-- 110 00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:03,321 (straining) 111 00:06:03,404 --> 00:06:04,989 You go, Homer. 112 00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:09,285 -(grunt) Whoosh! -(crowd cheers) 113 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:12,830 Ow! Jetson! 114 00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:15,249 We've got to get you into surgery. 115 00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:18,628 {\an8}Maybe a little morphine would get me there quicker. 116 00:06:18,711 --> 00:06:19,962 (sighs) 117 00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:21,506 {\an8}(moans) 118 00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:27,345 So many times we've seen our father go under the knife. 119 00:06:27,428 --> 00:06:30,056 One more and I get a free hysterectomy. 120 00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:36,521 Now, Homer, you'll have a full recovery from your spinal cord injury. 121 00:06:36,604 --> 00:06:39,774 -What spinal cord injury? -Oh, he fell off the gurney. 122 00:06:39,857 --> 00:06:43,611 But it will take plenty of time and rehab before you can go back to work. 123 00:06:43,694 --> 00:06:47,532 Miss work? But my life would be nothing without the nucleon plant. 124 00:06:47,615 --> 00:06:51,035 Oh, you're also responsible for this hefty hospital bill. 125 00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:52,328 You shouldn't have ordered all those 126 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,580 hospital haircuts and porno films. 127 00:06:54,664 --> 00:06:57,917 But Doctor Screwlittle sounded like a delightful romp. 128 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,253 {\an8}But you don't have to worry about the bill. 129 00:07:00,336 --> 00:07:02,839 {\an8}We've never welshed on a-- Look, a bear! 130 00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:04,465 Run! 131 00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:08,010 -(snapping) -Ow. 132 00:07:09,470 --> 00:07:10,555 (growling) 133 00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:19,272 Now, Homer, I want you to stay off that leg for two weeks. 134 00:07:19,355 --> 00:07:22,066 Two weeks? What am I supposed to do? 135 00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:26,154 Just sit on my ass and watch TV? That ain't my style, man. 136 00:07:26,237 --> 00:07:28,698 Now, Homer, there are people right through that door 137 00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:30,783 that have it much worse than you. 138 00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:32,827 (sniff) No, they don't. 139 00:07:34,203 --> 00:07:38,124 Mmm, everyone's having fun but me. 140 00:07:38,207 --> 00:07:42,336 -(humming) -Boingy, boingy, boingy, boingy, boingy. 141 00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:45,131 Mrs. Simpson, can Homer come out and play? 142 00:07:45,214 --> 00:07:48,217 No, Homer won't be able to play for a long time. 143 00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,803 (groans) Would you make me some Jell-O? 144 00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:52,805 You shoo, Barney Gumble. 145 00:07:54,098 --> 00:07:57,351 (sighs) Well, I can still hang out with you guys. 146 00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:59,479 Sorry. I got a baseball game in 15 minutes. 147 00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:02,565 And I've got a rally for Take Back the Afternoon. 148 00:08:02,648 --> 00:08:06,486 (chuckles) So, the tables have turned! 149 00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:08,070 Now you're the shut-in, 150 00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:10,698 -and I'm the hip young dude! -(cracking noise) 151 00:08:10,781 --> 00:08:13,159 (gasps) There goes my wagging finger. 152 00:08:13,242 --> 00:08:15,369 I'm so bored! 153 00:08:15,453 --> 00:08:18,789 Aw, come on. There's lots of ways to pass the time. 154 00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:21,918 Hitch up your pants, air whittle. 155 00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:24,003 ♪ Di dee di di dee di di ♪ 156 00:08:24,086 --> 00:08:26,923 Make friends with a Chinese man. 157 00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:29,175 Uh, Mr. Simpson, you weren't supposed to leave the home. 158 00:08:29,258 --> 00:08:31,594 -Thank you, Ping-Pong. -My name is Craig. 159 00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:34,472 Sure, it is. 160 00:08:36,557 --> 00:08:38,559 This place is so boring. 161 00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:41,521 I got to do something to keep from going crazy. 162 00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:46,692 I know. I'll breed the pets... to each other. (evil laugh) 163 00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:48,486 -(meows) -(whines) 164 00:08:48,569 --> 00:08:50,863 -(yelps) -(meows) 165 00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:53,241 Soon I will have a miracle hybrid 166 00:08:53,324 --> 00:08:57,203 with the loyalty of a cat and the cleanliness of a dog! 167 00:08:57,286 --> 00:08:58,204 ("Let's Get It On" plays) 168 00:08:58,287 --> 00:08:59,622 ♪ Let's get it on ♪ 169 00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:03,918 -(barking) -(yowling) 170 00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:08,631 {\an8}-(dog whines) -No. That's not how you do it! (gasps) 171 00:09:08,714 --> 00:09:10,174 -(yowls) -Quitters! 172 00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:12,051 -(dog yelping) -Hey, Homer. 173 00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:16,389 Oh, it feels so good to talk to another human being! 174 00:09:16,472 --> 00:09:18,224 Stupid Flanders. 175 00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:19,850 Hey, Homer, I need to ask you a favor. 176 00:09:19,934 --> 00:09:23,312 My babysitter canceled, and I got tickets to a Christian rock concert. 177 00:09:24,146 --> 00:09:26,941 (laughs) It's gonna be one wholesome evening. 178 00:09:27,024 --> 00:09:30,987 So, you think Marge could take care of Rowdy Roddy and Typhoon Todd? 179 00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:34,532 Well, Marge isn't here. She had to identify a body at the morgue. 180 00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:41,455 That's not my Uncle Lou. And this man's not dead. 181 00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:45,126 That's what I've been trying to tell you! 182 00:09:45,209 --> 00:09:48,004 -That's just gas escaping. -(cries) 183 00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:51,215 Would you mind watching the kids? I'm kinda in a pickle here. 184 00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:53,384 Well, they would keep me company. 185 00:09:53,467 --> 00:09:56,804 And this pickle you're offering only sweetens the deal. 186 00:09:56,887 --> 00:09:57,763 (cheering on TV) 187 00:09:57,847 --> 00:09:59,181 (grunts) 188 00:10:02,101 --> 00:10:06,522 Mr. Simpson, can we have another jelly and candy sandwich? 189 00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,190 Sure. Knock yourselves out. 190 00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:10,026 -And call me Homer. -(boys gasp) 191 00:10:10,109 --> 00:10:13,654 Daddy said it's rude to call grown-ups by their first name. 192 00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:17,950 -Daddy's not here, is he? -(all laugh) 193 00:10:19,035 --> 00:10:20,077 (cheering on TV) 194 00:10:21,203 --> 00:10:24,457 Now, my good man, what do you like to play? 195 00:10:24,540 --> 00:10:27,585 -Pokémon! -Pokémon? Pokémon? 196 00:10:27,668 --> 00:10:30,296 With the pokey and the man... and the... (blabbering) 197 00:10:30,379 --> 00:10:32,340 ...the guy comes out of the (blabbering) 198 00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:40,056 -(all laugh) -That is the darnedest thing. 199 00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:42,016 So did you boys have a good time? 200 00:10:42,099 --> 00:10:44,644 Yeah. Mr. Simpson was really funny. 201 00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:48,105 He told us how the world keeps screwing him over. 202 00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:50,941 (laughs) Yeah. Well, how was the concert? 203 00:10:51,025 --> 00:10:55,071 Well, sir, I've never heard a preacher use the "M-F" word so many times. 204 00:10:55,154 --> 00:10:57,156 Anyway, thanks again. 205 00:10:57,239 --> 00:11:00,868 Hey, it was fun. My kids are sick of all my stories. 206 00:11:00,951 --> 00:11:03,412 But they just can't get enough of me. 207 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,539 Can Mr. Simpson watch us every day? 208 00:11:05,623 --> 00:11:09,335 {\an8}(laughs) Oh, Roddy, he's not running a day care center. 209 00:11:09,418 --> 00:11:10,836 Don't tell me what I'm not doing. 210 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,630 So you are running a day care center? 211 00:11:12,713 --> 00:11:14,590 Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? 212 00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:18,344 Oh, I sure would. It would give the boys a place to go after school. 213 00:11:18,427 --> 00:11:21,305 Then I'll do it, just to see the look on your face. 214 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:23,808 That's the one. 215 00:11:23,891 --> 00:11:26,644 {\an8}♪ This world is whistles and missiles ♪ 216 00:11:26,727 --> 00:11:28,771 ♪ Bones and trombones ♪ 217 00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,690 Why did you put my name on the sign? 218 00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:33,859 It's just a legal thing to protect me. 219 00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:36,237 Is your knee really gross under there? 220 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:39,949 -See for yourself. -Ew! 221 00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:42,702 -Can I touch it? -Sure. Go for the gusto. 222 00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:46,330 (whimpers) It's healing over my hand. 223 00:11:48,916 --> 00:11:52,128 -It knows you're afraid. -(doorbell rings) 224 00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:53,254 -(chattering) -Hello. 225 00:11:53,337 --> 00:11:55,923 I would like to take advantage of your baby prison. 226 00:11:56,006 --> 00:11:59,385 -We're calling it day care. -Yes, whatever. Just take them! 227 00:11:59,468 --> 00:12:02,096 Aw, aren't they sweet? 228 00:12:02,179 --> 00:12:05,141 -Any medical things I should know about? -APU: Yes, probably! 229 00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:12,022 Why, Homer, your surgical incision is completely healed. 230 00:12:12,106 --> 00:12:14,984 I owe it all to my rewarding work with children. 231 00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:16,444 And not picking at it. 232 00:12:16,527 --> 00:12:18,487 Ah, yes, how is your day care center doing? 233 00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:19,613 Wonderful! 234 00:12:19,697 --> 00:12:23,242 Being with those kids gives me a high only morphine can top. 235 00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:27,621 -You got any? -(chuckles) Always with the morphine. 236 00:12:27,705 --> 00:12:29,915 (chuckles) Mmm. 237 00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:35,629 Peekaboo! Peekaboo! Peekaboo! Peekaboo! 238 00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:37,798 Dad's been doing that for two hours! 239 00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:41,051 I've never seen the baby get tired of it before the adult. 240 00:12:42,094 --> 00:12:45,765 -(chuckles) Peek... a... boo! -(whines) 241 00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:48,642 Uncle Homer, will you sing that crazy song we love? 242 00:12:48,726 --> 00:12:51,020 (chuckles) OK. 243 00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:54,440 ♪ Is that all there is? ♪ 244 00:12:54,523 --> 00:12:58,068 ♪ Is that all there is? ♪ 245 00:12:58,152 --> 00:13:01,989 ♪ If that's all there is, my friend ♪ 246 00:13:02,072 --> 00:13:05,451 ♪ Then let's keep dancing... ♪ 247 00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:06,827 (laughs) 248 00:13:06,911 --> 00:13:10,372 I can't remember the last time Dad sang us a torch song. 249 00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:11,373 Yeah! 250 00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:13,667 Hey, Homer, I thought you were only gonna do this day care thing 251 00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:14,877 till your knee was better. 252 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:19,006 Yes. But then I discovered the joys of raising children. 253 00:13:19,089 --> 00:13:21,884 -What about us? -Don't worry, honey. 254 00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:24,220 You'll have children of your own someday. 255 00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:26,514 Then you'll know my joy. 256 00:13:31,018 --> 00:13:34,230 Hey, Bart, your dad gave me this temp tattoo. 257 00:13:34,313 --> 00:13:36,440 {\an8}It's so cool! 258 00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:37,691 (making motorcycle noises) 259 00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:43,280 You have the "bestest" dad. 260 00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:45,783 He read me a story about Chinese food. 261 00:13:45,866 --> 00:13:49,286 You haven't seen the real Homer. It's all burping and neglect. 262 00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:53,457 I think we know your dad a little bit better than you do, Bart. 263 00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:54,959 Is that my jacket? 264 00:13:55,042 --> 00:13:58,671 -He said it looked better on me! -(groans) 265 00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:01,715 ♪ If you're happy and you know it ♪ 266 00:14:01,799 --> 00:14:02,758 ♪ Say a swear... ♪ 267 00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,510 -Boobs! -Hiney! 268 00:14:04,593 --> 00:14:05,427 Mitten! 269 00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:08,889 (all laugh) 270 00:14:08,973 --> 00:14:12,601 They're always laughing. Laughing at nothing. 271 00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:14,520 How come parents are always nicer to other kids 272 00:14:14,603 --> 00:14:15,938 than they are to their own? 273 00:14:16,021 --> 00:14:18,274 I guess Dad just takes us for granted. 274 00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:20,025 Well, don't worry. 275 00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:23,028 This'll give his heartstrings a much-needed plucking. 276 00:14:26,073 --> 00:14:28,367 (laughs) 277 00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:29,493 Huh? 278 00:14:31,036 --> 00:14:33,873 Aw, what a beautiful frame. 279 00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:36,584 Perfect for my day care permit. 280 00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:38,335 Sweet. 281 00:14:38,419 --> 00:14:40,254 Mm-hmm. 282 00:14:40,337 --> 00:14:42,256 (both groan) 283 00:14:45,467 --> 00:14:49,305 Hang on, everybody! Three... two... one, blast off! 284 00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:52,641 (screaming and laughing) 285 00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:54,894 That was "tree-mendous!" 286 00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:56,896 (chuckles) Where's Ralph? 287 00:14:56,979 --> 00:14:59,023 I almost died! 288 00:15:00,941 --> 00:15:03,068 Homer, this man is from the Good Guy Awards. 289 00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:05,863 {\an8}We honor people who make life better for the community. 290 00:15:05,946 --> 00:15:07,531 {\an8}Like you with your day care center. 291 00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:11,744 -I contributed by not objecting too much. -Aw, that's my girl. 292 00:15:11,827 --> 00:15:14,455 Anyway, this film crew will shoot some behind-the-scenes footage 293 00:15:14,538 --> 00:15:16,123 of your amazing work. 294 00:15:16,206 --> 00:15:18,083 -Is there a snack table? -It's already set up. 295 00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:21,211 (giggles) (chomping) 296 00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:22,338 {\an8}Don't film this! 297 00:15:27,426 --> 00:15:29,845 Uh, excuse me. This is a hot set. No visitors. 298 00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:33,474 -It's my room. -Well, if you want, you can sit on this. 299 00:15:33,557 --> 00:15:34,558 (grumbling) 300 00:15:35,392 --> 00:15:36,727 Teamsters are sleeping in my room. 301 00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:38,729 MAN: We're just resting our eyes. 302 00:15:38,812 --> 00:15:41,732 'Cause the thing is, there are no bad kids. 303 00:15:41,815 --> 00:15:43,943 Ow! You stepped on my arm! 304 00:15:44,026 --> 00:15:46,820 Sorry. Daddy thought you were a pile of cable. 305 00:15:46,904 --> 00:15:48,989 Tell me about the Homer Cares Program. 306 00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:52,952 My kids wear these hearts to remind them they are always loved. 307 00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:55,621 Aww. Did you make 'em yourself? 308 00:15:55,704 --> 00:15:58,332 Yes. Through the magic of caring. 309 00:15:58,415 --> 00:15:59,959 Night will come soon. 310 00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:02,503 There's gotta be a way to get back at Dad. 311 00:16:02,878 --> 00:16:06,298 Well, I've been cutting the felt kind of crooked. 312 00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:09,551 No. We've gotta show the world what Dad's really like. 313 00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:12,513 Then everything will be back to normal. 314 00:16:12,596 --> 00:16:16,475 (sinister laughing) Back to normal. 315 00:16:16,558 --> 00:16:17,935 BOTH: (laughing) 316 00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:26,402 ♪ I'm a nice guy I'm a hell of a guy ♪ 317 00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:29,029 ♪ And tonight we honor you ♪ 318 00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:31,407 -Stop the music! Stop it! -(music stops) 319 00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:33,659 One more line, and we have to pay for the song! 320 00:16:33,742 --> 00:16:38,205 -Now, is anyone here from Springfield? -You know we are! 321 00:16:38,288 --> 00:16:41,959 Oh, tough crowd. (laughs) 322 00:16:42,042 --> 00:16:43,711 So what's in the news? 323 00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:48,924 Oh, right. The bus disaster-- very sad. 324 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:52,553 Now our first award is for biggest people pleaser. 325 00:16:52,636 --> 00:16:56,181 You can walk all over these doormats. (laughs) 326 00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:58,517 -And the nominees are... -(drumrolls) 327 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:02,563 {\an8}Ned Flanders, Principal Seymour Skinner... 328 00:17:02,646 --> 00:17:04,815 and Mother Teresa Junior. 329 00:17:05,315 --> 00:17:08,652 And the winner is... Principal Skinner! 330 00:17:09,653 --> 00:17:12,698 -(grunts) -(growls) 331 00:17:12,781 --> 00:17:17,703 (chuckles) Now I'm told there's a glitch in our Internet webcast. 332 00:17:17,786 --> 00:17:23,667 So all of you out there, type Control, backslash, semicolon, Alt, dot, Escape, 333 00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:24,752 and you'll be fine. 334 00:17:25,836 --> 00:17:28,088 -(grunts) Ah, perfect. -(beeps) 335 00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:31,467 Hey, hey. Hey, hey. Hey, hey. Hey, hey. 336 00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:35,637 We'd like to thank our sponsor, Hansen's Hypno-Coins. 337 00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:38,390 If you can find a sturdier hypno-coin, 338 00:17:38,474 --> 00:17:39,808 -you buy it. -(applause) 339 00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:43,645 Now, every year we find one Good Samaritan so deserving 340 00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:45,397 that not recognizing him 341 00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:49,068 would make Santa Claus himself vomit with rage. 342 00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:51,403 (groans) Who writes this stuff? 343 00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:55,115 {\an8}(chimp chitters) 344 00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:56,742 (growls) 345 00:17:57,993 --> 00:18:01,330 This year's winner of The Saint Who Walks Among Us Award... 346 00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:05,000 Please let me win this, Lord, 'cause if you don't-- 347 00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,877 KRUSTY: ...Homer Simpson! 348 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:08,921 -Yes! -(cheering and applause) 349 00:18:09,004 --> 00:18:12,299 All my love has come back in trophy form. 350 00:18:12,382 --> 00:18:15,969 Now let's take a look at Homer's wonderful work. 351 00:18:16,053 --> 00:18:18,514 MAN (narrating): It looks like any other home in America. 352 00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:20,933 But this is the house that love built. 353 00:18:21,016 --> 00:18:22,726 KIDS: (grunting) 354 00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:25,562 -(engine hums) -(tires screech) 355 00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:29,691 (laughs) 356 00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:36,615 MAN (narrating): His scabby red knee became an infectious beacon of hope. 357 00:18:36,698 --> 00:18:38,075 Aww. 358 00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:43,247 MAN (narrating): I guess you could sum up Homer in two words: 359 00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:45,290 -BART: Big phony! -(gasp) 360 00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:47,417 This is the real Homer Simpson- 361 00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:49,670 -A beer-drinking meanie! -(sniffs) 362 00:18:49,753 --> 00:18:52,464 (groans) 363 00:18:52,548 --> 00:18:53,632 Huh? 364 00:18:53,715 --> 00:18:56,426 -And he gambles like crazy. -(laughs) 365 00:18:57,636 --> 00:18:59,680 -I'll call. -Three nines. 366 00:18:59,763 --> 00:19:02,141 Oh! I almost had a straight! 367 00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:04,268 Come to new papa. 368 00:19:04,351 --> 00:19:07,146 -(gasping, murmuring) -Hey, what's the deal? 369 00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:10,899 We just spliced in some home movies. What do you think? 370 00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:14,945 Well, I'd rather reserve judgment until l-- Oh, my God! 371 00:19:15,028 --> 00:19:18,198 -I'll mace you good! -(screams) 372 00:19:18,282 --> 00:19:21,618 -(gasps) -That is completely taken out of context! 373 00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:26,415 -Why you little-- -(both screaming) 374 00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:29,168 Our children aren't safe with that monster! 375 00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:31,587 Yeah, keep away from him, Milhouse! 376 00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:34,089 You too, Ralphie. You're out of that day care center. 377 00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:37,467 Oh! My polite indignation knows no bounds! 378 00:19:37,551 --> 00:19:39,887 (grunts) No! No! 379 00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:42,431 No one is taking my kids from me! 380 00:19:42,514 --> 00:19:45,517 (grunts) Run, children, run! 381 00:19:45,601 --> 00:19:47,853 MAN: Come back here with my young'un! 382 00:19:49,813 --> 00:19:54,109 The term "soccer mom" is thrown around all too often these days. 383 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,403 But the nominees in our next category... 384 00:19:56,486 --> 00:20:00,157 -(chattering) -Where are we going? 385 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:03,327 Uh, for frosty chocolate milk shakes! (insane laugh) 386 00:20:03,410 --> 00:20:05,704 Frosty chocolate milk shakes! 387 00:20:08,415 --> 00:20:09,583 (tires screeching) 388 00:20:09,666 --> 00:20:11,877 An award ceremony erupted in kidnapping tonight, 389 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:15,088 as alleged "Good Guy" Homer Simpson absconded with several children 390 00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:16,924 in a stolen paddy wagon. 391 00:20:17,007 --> 00:20:19,551 Now let's go to Arnie Pie in the Sky. 392 00:20:19,635 --> 00:20:21,511 -(sirens wailing) -ARNIE: I can see them right below me. 393 00:20:21,595 --> 00:20:23,931 I'm gonna try to nail the driver with one of my shoes. 394 00:20:24,014 --> 00:20:26,391 Arnie, please leave this to the police. 395 00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:29,228 I'm sick of being a reporter. I want to make the news! 396 00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:30,687 Arnie, this is not the time! 397 00:20:30,771 --> 00:20:33,398 You're not the time, Kent! You're not the time! 398 00:20:34,942 --> 00:20:36,985 Where are we going, Mr. Simpson? 399 00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:39,488 I'll tell you where we're not going. 400 00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:41,698 -Jail! -Then you better turn. 401 00:20:41,782 --> 00:20:45,118 -Uh-oh! Aaah! -(tires screech) 402 00:20:45,202 --> 00:20:46,995 (groaning) 403 00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:49,498 ARNIE: He's jumping out of the car, Kent! 404 00:20:49,581 --> 00:20:51,959 He's trying to climb over the fence! 405 00:20:52,042 --> 00:20:54,044 Now he's realizing he's too fat. 406 00:20:54,127 --> 00:20:56,713 -He's digging a hole like a dog. -(Homer sobbing) 407 00:20:56,797 --> 00:20:59,925 Now he's given up on that and he's running back and forth. 408 00:21:00,008 --> 00:21:03,512 He's climbing into a pipe and he seems to be stuck. 409 00:21:03,595 --> 00:21:05,847 His legs are dangling in a comical fashion. 410 00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:08,392 Oh, it's the saddest thing I've ever seen. 411 00:21:08,475 --> 00:21:10,435 KENT: Arnie, Arnie, how are the children? 412 00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:13,689 ARNIE: I can't see through metal, Kent! 413 00:21:13,772 --> 00:21:16,233 All right, Fatty. Out of the pipe! 414 00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:20,445 Why did you rat me out, kids? 415 00:21:20,529 --> 00:21:24,408 Was it because I showered love on those other children while ignoring you? 416 00:21:24,491 --> 00:21:25,867 -Yep. -Pretty much. 417 00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:27,577 Well, I learned my lesson. 418 00:21:27,661 --> 00:21:30,289 From now on, you two are the only kids I'll care about. 419 00:21:30,372 --> 00:21:31,331 Oh, and Maggie. 420 00:21:31,415 --> 00:21:34,960 Now let's all enjoy the snack table while we still have it. 421 00:21:35,043 --> 00:21:37,546 The teamsters said they'd pick it up by 5:00. 422 00:21:37,629 --> 00:21:39,381 Yeah. That'll happen. 423 00:21:39,464 --> 00:21:42,676 (all laugh) 424 00:21:42,759 --> 00:21:44,886 HOMER: Teamsters. 425 00:21:44,970 --> 00:21:46,013 (theme music playing) 426 00:22:24,843 --> 00:22:26,970 -BILL COSBY: Pokémon? Pokémon? -Shh. 427 00:22:27,054 --> 00:22:29,681 With the pokey and the man... and the... (blabbering) 428 00:22:29,765 --> 00:22:31,725 where if a guy comes out of... (blabbering) 429 00:22:31,808 --> 00:22:33,060 {\an8}Captioned by Visual Data Media Services