1
00:00:03,921 --> 00:00:07,590
(SINGING) The Simpsons

2
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,811
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

3
00:00:24,608 --> 00:00:26,150
(HORN BELLOWING)

4
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:44,460
(PLAYING DIFFERENT TUNE)

5
00:00:47,631 --> 00:00:48,715
(TIRES SCREECHING)

6
00:01:00,144 --> 00:01:01,310
(HONKING)

7
00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:03,187
(TIRES SCREECHING)

8
00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:06,190
D'oh!

9
00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:07,442
(SCREAMS)

10
00:01:07,526 --> 00:01:08,651
(BRAKES SCREECHING)

11
00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:11,070
(ALL GRUNTING)

12
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:12,905
(EXCLAIMS)

13
00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:25,543
(LAUGHING)

14
00:01:25,627 --> 00:01:26,919
What are you reading,
Homie?

15
00:01:27,004 --> 00:01:29,088
The Bridge column.
(LAUGHS)

16
00:01:29,715 --> 00:01:33,342
Oh, that South.
You never know
what he'll do next.

17
00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:36,679
Oh, look at that,
"Dad and Drabble."

18
00:01:36,764 --> 00:01:38,890
He's like
an unfunny version of me.

19
00:01:38,974 --> 00:01:42,101
Where's Bart?
His Mountain Dew's
getting flat.

20
00:01:42,186 --> 00:01:45,104
That's odd.
He's outside digging.

21
00:01:45,189 --> 00:01:46,230
Probably digging for drugs.

22
00:01:46,315 --> 00:01:47,940
There's no drugs
out there.

23
00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:49,692
No, of course not.

24
00:01:50,152 --> 00:01:53,112
It's not a school project.
I'd have heard of it.

25
00:01:53,197 --> 00:01:55,364
I'd better go
check it out.

26
00:01:57,075 --> 00:01:58,117
What are you doing?

27
00:01:58,202 --> 00:01:59,786
Digging.
Why?

28
00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:00,828
To make a hole.

29
00:02:00,913 --> 00:02:01,954
A hole for what?

30
00:02:02,039 --> 00:02:03,539
More digging.

31
00:02:03,624 --> 00:02:04,791
(GRUNTING)

32
00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:06,417
Okay, then.

33
00:02:13,175 --> 00:02:15,593
Don't worry, Marge.
I'll find out
what he's up to.

34
00:02:15,677 --> 00:02:17,220
Kids shouldn't
have secrets.

35
00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:18,846
(WHISTLING CASUALLY)

36
00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:22,683
Oh, hello, young man.
Beautiful day for
digging, isn't it?

37
00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:24,477
Yep.
Yeah.

38
00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:26,062
Uh...

39
00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:29,190
Digging for
anything in particular?

40
00:02:29,274 --> 00:02:30,274
Nuh-uh.

41
00:02:30,359 --> 00:02:35,154
So, I guess you
wouldn't mind if I was
to dig a hole of my own?

42
00:02:35,239 --> 00:02:36,656
Go for it.
Maybe I will.

43
00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:39,075
What's stopping you?
Very little.

44
00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:42,912
(GROANS IN PAIN)

45
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,831
I'm having chest pains.

46
00:02:44,915 --> 00:02:47,083
Where's the defibrillator?
Clear!

47
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:48,626
(ELECTRICITY SURGING)
(HOMER SIGHS IN RELIEF)

48
00:02:49,253 --> 00:02:51,087
This thing pays for itself.

49
00:02:53,590 --> 00:02:59,303
Bart? This is Dr. Kaufmann.
He's a special kind
of "talking" doctor.

50
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:00,930
Call me Bob.

51
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,932
Well, that's quite
a hole you're digging.

52
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,100
Thanks, Bob.

53
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:08,020
You know, a hole is
a great place to hide
when people are fighting.

54
00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:09,939
Are there angry people
in your house?

55
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:12,191
My dad's always yelling
that whitey's
keeping him down.

56
00:03:12,276 --> 00:03:13,442
I see.

57
00:03:16,947 --> 00:03:19,991
You keep digging like this,
you're gonna go straight
through to China.

58
00:03:20,075 --> 00:03:22,118
If it happens, it happens.

59
00:03:27,916 --> 00:03:31,544
Those inscrutable Americans.
What are they up to now?

60
00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:36,716
I will stop them.
I am strong.
I am the Great Humungus!

61
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:39,719
We all know you're
the Great Humungus!

62
00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:41,053
Well, I'm just saying...

63
00:03:41,138 --> 00:03:42,847
Oh, you're always
"just saying."

64
00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:45,391
MOE: Homer,
is this story going anywhere?

65
00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:48,477
Yes. Eventually,
I become king
of the Morlocks.

66
00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:50,354
But Morlocks are
from the future.

67
00:03:50,439 --> 00:03:51,814
You calling me a liar?

68
00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:52,899
Wait a minute, Homer.

69
00:03:52,983 --> 00:03:55,902
If it's true,
what about all the stuff
you weren't around for?

70
00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:58,988
Yeah. How'd you know
the Chinese were
spying on you?

71
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,740
Well,
I just naturally assumed.

72
00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:03,117
That is the stupidest
story I ever heard.

73
00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:06,412
And I've read the entire
Sweet Valley High series.

74
00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:09,498
I am sick of you drunks
and your shaggy dog stories.

75
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:10,708
Sorry, Shaggy.

76
00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:11,918
(GROWLING)

77
00:04:13,045 --> 00:04:15,504
Now I got to
go home to that!
Thanks a lot!

78
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,757
Oh, quit your bellyaching,
Coffee Boy.

79
00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:19,342
You're lucky
I let you in here.

80
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:22,094
Geez, Moe. You've been
a real crank lately.

81
00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:23,179
You take that back!

82
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,181
Now you see?
That's what I'm
talking about.

83
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,475
You're always pointing
that shotgun at us.

84
00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:29,352
And calling us "dumbasses."

85
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:30,895
Which we're so not.

86
00:04:30,979 --> 00:04:34,315
Well, can you blame me?
Every day it's
the same old routine.

87
00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:35,942
I serve you drinks,

88
00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:39,570
You yak on and on and on,
and I never get
one stinking tip.

89
00:04:39,655 --> 00:04:42,573
Maybe we'd tip you
if you'd smile
once in awhile.

90
00:04:42,658 --> 00:04:44,825
What do you call this?

91
00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:47,119
(FRIGHTENED SOUNDS)

92
00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:50,039
Don't do that.
Who am I kidding?

93
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:54,001
I ain't smiled for real
since I nailed that
rat with the ice pick.

94
00:04:54,086 --> 00:04:57,129
Remember that?
That was an amazing throw.

95
00:04:57,839 --> 00:04:59,799
How did I lose my
passion for the job?

96
00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:01,300
When I was in
bartending school,

97
00:05:01,385 --> 00:05:03,427
I thought I had
the world by the jigger.

98
00:05:03,512 --> 00:05:05,471
Hey, where'd that
painting come from?

99
00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,890
I put this up recently,
and it's a good thing I did

100
00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:10,601
because it really
illustrates my point.

101
00:05:10,686 --> 00:05:12,937
Yeah, good old Swigmore U.

102
00:05:13,397 --> 00:05:17,441
Gee, when you talk
about that school,
your voice fills with...

103
00:05:17,526 --> 00:05:19,026
What do you call it?
Human feeling.

104
00:05:19,111 --> 00:05:21,696
Yeah. Maybe you should...
What's the expression?

105
00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:22,822
Go back there.

106
00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:24,949
What's the word
I'm searching for?
Uh...

107
00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:26,075
Yeah.

108
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:30,496
A trip to the alma mater
might really rekindle my love
of getting people loaded.

109
00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:32,164
But who'll run the bar
while you're gone?

110
00:05:32,249 --> 00:05:33,708
Ooh! Ooh! Pick me!

111
00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:35,001
Pick me, Lenny!

112
00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:36,836
Oh, pick me!
I'm an urban Lenny!

113
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:40,131
Look, I don't want to start
a tinkling contest here.

114
00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:41,340
Or do I?

115
00:05:42,092 --> 00:05:43,134
Woo-hoo!

116
00:05:43,218 --> 00:05:46,012
Oh, don't look so proud.
That was wind-assisted.

117
00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:48,681
And if anybody
wants potato chips
or anything fancy,

118
00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:49,724
tell them to go to hell!

119
00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:52,852
Can do.
Now don't you
worry about a thing.

120
00:05:53,562 --> 00:05:55,354
(GIGGLING WITH JOY)

121
00:05:55,439 --> 00:05:57,690
Hey, what are you doing?
I got to pay for that!

122
00:05:57,774 --> 00:06:00,109
No, Moe.
You've got it all wrong.

123
00:06:00,402 --> 00:06:02,403
People buy beer from you.

124
00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:06,449
Look, I got to go.

125
00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:10,327
(EXPLODING)

126
00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:12,872
I thought you said
you had to go?

127
00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:14,123
(SIGHS)

128
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:23,257
Ah, the old college gates.

129
00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:31,307
Ah, geez.
The old college clock.

130
00:06:35,479 --> 00:06:38,522
Man, when's the last time
Moe cleaned this?

131
00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:41,317
Hey, Homer, another Duff.

132
00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:47,073
Hey, Homer, do you mind
if I bring in some
outside food?

133
00:06:47,157 --> 00:06:50,618
Well, I don't know.
What would Moe
say about that?

134
00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:54,914
But on the other hand,
Moe's not here.

135
00:06:55,332 --> 00:06:56,332
(HOMER CHUCKLING)

136
00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:59,126
Homer, you're the greatest.
(EXCLAIMS)

137
00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:01,003
Hey!
Lenny!

138
00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:02,254
Sorry. Sorry.

139
00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:05,883
For what?
A little splattered food
never hurt anybody.

140
00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:08,677
Now everybody
shut up and dance!

141
00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:10,846
(SINGING)
Matty told Hatty

142
00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:14,225
About a thing she saw

143
00:07:15,644 --> 00:07:17,937
Had two big horns

144
00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:19,605
(JUKEBOX SWITCHES
TO SLOW MUSIC)

145
00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:22,441
(SINGING)
As time goes on

146
00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:23,943
I realize

147
00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:25,027
I realize...
(JUKEBOX SKIPPING)

148
00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:26,946
Hey, what happened
to the music?

149
00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:30,783
Don't worry.
You got to hit it
just right, like Fonzie.

150
00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:32,201
(IMITATES FONZIE) Eh!

151
00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:34,161
(SCREAMS)
Oh! Whoa!

152
00:07:34,371 --> 00:07:35,996
Hemorrhage-amundo!

153
00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:37,123
Are you gonna be okay?

154
00:07:37,207 --> 00:07:38,791
(IMITATES FONZIE) Eh!

155
00:07:41,253 --> 00:07:45,464
Now can anyone tell me
how much grenadine is in
a Cosmopolitan?

156
00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:46,799
(MURMURING)

157
00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:48,050
None.

158
00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:51,428
A Cosmopolitan is made
with cranberry juice.

159
00:07:51,513 --> 00:07:52,680
(MURMURING)

160
00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:56,392
Moe Szyslak,
you old glasswipe.

161
00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,520
(RINGING)

162
00:07:59,771 --> 00:08:00,938
Yello?

163
00:08:01,022 --> 00:08:04,483
Yeah. I'd like to speak
to a Mr. Tabooger.
First name Ollie.

164
00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:07,194
Ooh! Bart!
My first prank call.
What do I do?

165
00:08:07,279 --> 00:08:10,072
Just ask if anyone
knows Ollie Tabooger.

166
00:08:10,365 --> 00:08:11,323
I don't get it.

167
00:08:11,408 --> 00:08:13,325
Yell out,
"I'll eat a booger."

168
00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:14,410
What's the gag?

169
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:15,578
Oh, forget it!

170
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:23,794
Professor, I'm...
I'm burned out
on bartending.

171
00:08:24,588 --> 00:08:26,172
When I first saw
the movie Ironweed,

172
00:08:26,256 --> 00:08:28,924
I thought, you know,
this is for me.

173
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:31,760
But now, well,
I'm not so sure.

174
00:08:32,095 --> 00:08:35,014
Nonsense.
You were born
to sling suds.

175
00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:37,308
The problem
must lie elsewhere.

176
00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:39,602
Describe your tavern
in one word.

177
00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:41,020
Uh...

178
00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:42,855
Is "crap-hole" one word?

179
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:44,440
Yes, if it's hyphenated.

180
00:08:44,608 --> 00:08:46,108
Then I'll stick
with crap-hole.

181
00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:50,029
Well,
no wonder you're depressed
working in that environment.

182
00:08:50,113 --> 00:08:52,740
If you want my advice,
beautify your hole,

183
00:08:52,824 --> 00:08:54,658
and you'll
beautify your soul.

184
00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:57,745
Nice hole, nice soul.
Hmm.

185
00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:03,125
Look at that pond.
Why does the water
sparkle so?

186
00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:06,086
I'm dying, Moe.

187
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:10,424
Is there anything
I can do?

188
00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:13,886
No. Unless you have
a cure for cancer.

189
00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:18,724
Do you have
a cure for cancer?
Because that would be great!

190
00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:20,059
I'm sorry, Professor.

191
00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:21,477
Goodbye, Moe.

192
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:23,354
Bye, Professor.

193
00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:24,980
(SIGHS)

194
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:27,858
Hey, don't you want to
take your shoes off

195
00:09:27,943 --> 00:09:30,027
before you go swimming?

196
00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:31,487
Professor?

197
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:33,197
Oh.

198
00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:34,406
Oh.

199
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:36,242
Um...

200
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,160
Hmm.

201
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:42,665
(SINGING)
I'm a-walking down the street

202
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:44,541
Gonna open Moe's bar

203
00:09:44,626 --> 00:09:46,669
I'm a-singing
what I'm thinking

204
00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:48,545
Hey, look at that dog...

205
00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:51,924
Huh?

206
00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:55,886
Teen vandals
smashing the bar!
Moe's gonna kill me!

207
00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:58,305
(GASPS)

208
00:10:00,141 --> 00:10:01,141
Hey, Homer.

209
00:10:01,226 --> 00:10:02,559
You dirty teen!

210
00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:05,229
(GRUNTING)

211
00:10:05,689 --> 00:10:08,065
Hey, Homer, stop!
Stop! It's me!

212
00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:12,152
Sheesh!
Moe wrecking Moe's bar?

213
00:10:13,321 --> 00:10:14,321
(STUTTERS)

214
00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:19,660
I almost fainted,
but then I didn't.
What are you doing?

215
00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:22,288
My professor said
if I prettied up this dump,

216
00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:23,789
it would renew my zeal.

217
00:10:23,873 --> 00:10:25,541
And it would
look pretty, too.

218
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,626
And now I want
you to meet the guy

219
00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:30,754
who's gonna help bring Moe's
into the 20th century.

220
00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:33,299
I am Formico,
the dean of design.

221
00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:35,050
Hi, Formico.
Uh-uh-uh.

222
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:36,802
My name must never
be spoken.

223
00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:39,096
Sorry. He seems nice.

224
00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:44,852
Not fair.

225
00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:47,646
Just when I was
getting to be the world's
greatest bartender,

226
00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:49,648
it's all snatched away.

227
00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:51,900
Freshen your drink, pal?

228
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:53,861
Just leave the bottle.

229
00:10:53,945 --> 00:10:55,362
There you go, doll.

230
00:10:55,447 --> 00:10:56,905
(COUGHS) Ew!

231
00:10:58,033 --> 00:11:00,909
Look, buddy.
I don't care where you go,
but you can't sleep here.

232
00:11:03,788 --> 00:11:05,622
Wow.
Check out the new Moe's.

233
00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:09,168
HOMER: Wow.
It looks like an
alien headquarters.

234
00:11:09,544 --> 00:11:12,338
Couldn't you just see aliens
running out of there?

235
00:11:12,422 --> 00:11:13,547
Couldn't you?

236
00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:14,631
Hey, wait up!

237
00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:16,550
Looks like a long wait
to get in.

238
00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:21,221
Not for friends of Moe's.

239
00:11:22,766 --> 00:11:25,684
Oi! Oi!
Is your name on the list?

240
00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:27,478
Don't you know who I am?

241
00:11:27,562 --> 00:11:29,897
It's okay, Cecil.
They're VIPs.

242
00:11:29,981 --> 00:11:31,982
Cecil is a girl's name.

243
00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:35,527
Oh!

244
00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:38,113
(LOUD MUSIC PLAYING)

245
00:11:41,409 --> 00:11:43,535
Welcome to m!

246
00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:46,997
So, what do you
think of the new joint?

247
00:11:47,082 --> 00:11:49,708
This place
looks like it's from
the not-too-distant future.

248
00:11:49,793 --> 00:11:51,752
Yeah. You like it, Homer?

249
00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:54,505
Um...
The rabbits are cute.

250
00:11:54,589 --> 00:11:56,673
That one ain't moving.

251
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:58,926
Change number seven.

252
00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:01,053
I don't get all
this eyeball stuff.

253
00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:03,472
What are they supposed
to represent? Eyeballs?

254
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:04,932
It's Po-Mo.

255
00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:07,976
Postmodern.

256
00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:11,021
Yeah, all right.
Weird for the sake of weird.

257
00:12:11,106 --> 00:12:12,439
ALL: Oh!

258
00:12:12,982 --> 00:12:14,233
Where are the barstools?

259
00:12:14,359 --> 00:12:15,651
Up there.

260
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,444
Ain't it trippy?

261
00:12:17,529 --> 00:12:18,862
Whatever.
Just give me a Duff.

262
00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:20,364
We don't serve Duff
no more.

263
00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:22,574
We got a Malaysian beer
that's better than Duff.

264
00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:24,410
It's made out of soy sauce.

265
00:12:25,203 --> 00:12:27,079
Whatever.
Just give me a Duff.

266
00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:30,374
Hey, Formico.
Say hello to my
beloved regulars.

267
00:12:31,376 --> 00:12:32,835
Oh, hello.

268
00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:38,841
Moe, would you like to meet
some attractive young models?

269
00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:41,260
Models? Oh, boy.

270
00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:47,808
HOMER: Okay,
look cool.

271
00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:52,312
Wait a minute.
You're all from Russia?

272
00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:53,439
(AGREEING IN RUSSIAN)

273
00:12:53,523 --> 00:12:55,399
And you really think
I'm attractive, huh?

274
00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:56,525
(AGREEING DESPONDENTLY
IN RUSSIAN)

275
00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:01,363
I don't know.
What's so great
about this oxygen bar?

276
00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:03,657
Yeah, I think I'm
getting the bends.

277
00:13:04,242 --> 00:13:05,784
Lenny, stand on my chest.

278
00:13:05,869 --> 00:13:09,288
I'm trapped.
This is creative
design run amok.

279
00:13:09,372 --> 00:13:10,706
That's it!

280
00:13:11,166 --> 00:13:13,292
I'm gonna tell Moe exactly
what I think of his...

281
00:13:13,376 --> 00:13:14,418
(PANTING)

282
00:13:15,879 --> 00:13:17,171
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

283
00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:21,967
After Chernobyl,
my penis is falling off.

284
00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:24,595
And "penis" is
Russian for...

285
00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:26,263
Moe, we want our bar back!

286
00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:28,140
Yeah, this place
is crazy!

287
00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:30,809
All these beautiful people
make us feel like losers!

288
00:13:30,894 --> 00:13:34,021
You'd be having a great time
if you'd stayed
in your dark spot.

289
00:13:34,105 --> 00:13:35,814
Oh,
so you're ashamed of us.

290
00:13:35,899 --> 00:13:38,233
Well, you've turned
into a big phony!

291
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:41,487
Hey! Nobody calls
Moe St. Cool a phony!

292
00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:44,406
All this yelling
is taking away my horny.

293
00:13:44,866 --> 00:13:48,035
Is it? Oh, that's it...
That... Dagmar, Julian.

294
00:13:49,204 --> 00:13:50,621
Throw this bum out.

295
00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:53,165
I'll throw myself out,
thank you.

296
00:13:56,794 --> 00:13:59,046
I believe I had a hat!

297
00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:02,674
Suckers! (LAUGHING)

298
00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:10,224
What are you doing, Dad?

299
00:14:10,308 --> 00:14:14,770
I think it's pretty obvious.
I'm turning our garage
into a tavern!

300
00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:17,022
The kind Moe's used to be.

301
00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:20,192
This is pretty far to go
just to spite Moe.

302
00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:21,860
It's not about spite.

303
00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:25,364
It's about petty revenge
and getting back at
that traitor, Moe!

304
00:14:25,448 --> 00:14:27,824
Now help me nail up
this urinal.

305
00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:33,455
Beautiful.

306
00:14:33,915 --> 00:14:36,375
Running a bar
is a full-time job,

307
00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:38,710
and you don't even do
your full-time job.

308
00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:43,048
But when I'm
passionate about something,
I see it through to the end!

309
00:14:44,092 --> 00:14:46,635
Father, give me legs.

310
00:14:52,475 --> 00:14:53,809
Father!

311
00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:57,104
(GROANING)

312
00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:08,407
That is so interesting.

313
00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:10,909
So what you talking about?
Something interesting?

314
00:15:10,994 --> 00:15:14,830
No, I was just comparing
Kurosawa's films to Herzog's.

315
00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:16,290
Uh-huh.

316
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:18,083
Carry on.

317
00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:21,169
My diet lets me eat anything
I want for one minute a day.

318
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,797
My youth consultant
gives me Botox injections

319
00:15:23,881 --> 00:15:25,716
in my head,
neck, and navel.

320
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:26,800
(SIGHS)

321
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:30,470
Hiya, pal.
So how about
them current events?

322
00:15:32,056 --> 00:15:34,433
Oh, you got one of them
cell phones, huh?

323
00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:36,852
Yeah.
No cord at all on those.

324
00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:40,397
Hey, game's on!

325
00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:43,483
Hey, we were watching that!
Come on!
Sports!

326
00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:46,445
Unless you're being ironic,
turn that off now.

327
00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:52,951
I'm glad you ain't around
to see what a mess I made.

328
00:15:53,036 --> 00:15:54,536
Oh, but I am.
(GASPS)

329
00:15:55,997 --> 00:15:57,456
(EXCLAIMS IN DISBELIEF)

330
00:15:57,540 --> 00:16:02,252
You've discarded
your loyal regulars
for a mob of soulless snobs.

331
00:16:02,337 --> 00:16:04,296
Well, at least
the tips are good.

332
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:06,882
Are they, Moe?
Take a look.

333
00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:09,259
Oh!

334
00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:10,719
(LAUGHING)

335
00:16:11,888 --> 00:16:14,139
Hey, why you mocking me?
We're friends.

336
00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:15,223
Oh, right. Sorry.

337
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:17,643
ALL: (SINGING)
I won't drink at Moe's!

338
00:16:17,727 --> 00:16:20,187
Homer's old garage
is all I need

339
00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:22,773
I won't drink at Moe's!

340
00:16:22,857 --> 00:16:25,484
Because Moe's a big jerk
and a she-male, too!

341
00:16:25,568 --> 00:16:27,110
That calls for
another beer.

342
00:16:27,195 --> 00:16:28,195
Barkeep!

343
00:16:28,279 --> 00:16:30,739
I thought this was
gonna be your bar.

344
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:33,033
It's a family bar.
Right, kids?

345
00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:34,910
Can we go to bed now?

346
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:37,913
As soon as you finish
cutting up those lemons.

347
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,082
But you're not
even using them.

348
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:44,586
She's so "sweepy."
She doesn't know
what she's saying.

349
00:16:45,630 --> 00:16:46,755
Aw!

350
00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:52,260
Who am I kidding?
I ain't Moe St. Cool.

351
00:16:58,309 --> 00:17:00,686
How could I toss my friends
out into the cold

352
00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:03,230
with no place to
get liquored up.

353
00:17:03,314 --> 00:17:04,690
(DISTANT LAUGHTER)

354
00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:05,774
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

355
00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:08,610
Hey, what's going on?

356
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:14,324
We're rocking great!

357
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:17,035
Mount St. Edelite
Leonard Bernstein

358
00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:19,413
(SINGING)
Leonard what's-his-name
Herman Munster motorcade

359
00:17:19,497 --> 00:17:21,707
Birthday party, Cheetos
Pogo sticks and lemonade

360
00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:22,874
You symbiotic, stupid jerk

361
00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:26,253
That's right, Flanders
I'm talking about you

362
00:17:26,337 --> 00:17:28,505
LENNY: How did you
get R. E.M. to play
in your garage?

363
00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:33,760
I told them it was a benefit.
They think they're
saving the rain forest!

364
00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:35,554
(ALL LAUGHING)

365
00:17:35,638 --> 00:17:36,930
Suckers!

366
00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:40,559
(CHEERING)

367
00:17:40,643 --> 00:17:41,977
Yeah, baby!

368
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:44,730
Michael, are you sure
these guys are millionaires?

369
00:17:44,814 --> 00:17:47,607
Come on.
Would a poor person
have a bar in his garage?

370
00:17:47,692 --> 00:17:49,484
Hey, guys.
Stand around me.

371
00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:51,403
I can't go with
Lenny watching.

372
00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:53,113
So, got to pee, huh?

373
00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:54,197
Forget it.

374
00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,493
What the...
You can't open your own bar!

375
00:17:58,828 --> 00:18:00,412
Seems to me I already did.

376
00:18:00,496 --> 00:18:04,207
But it's illegal!
You can't run a bar
in a private residence!

377
00:18:04,292 --> 00:18:07,794
Bar? I see no bar.
This is a hunting club.

378
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:11,173
Which is permitted
by state law

379
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:14,259
to serve beverages
of a refreshing nature.

380
00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:15,343
Hunting club?

381
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,012
You lied to us!

382
00:18:17,972 --> 00:18:18,972
Michael, no!

383
00:18:19,056 --> 00:18:20,515
That's not
the R. E.M. way.

384
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:21,600
You're right.

385
00:18:21,684 --> 00:18:24,352
Let's recycle those shards
and get out of here.

386
00:18:29,567 --> 00:18:30,776
(MUTTERING)

387
00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:33,445
Here we go.
It also says,

388
00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:35,697
"A licensed hunting club
must actively

389
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:37,699
"engage in
the sport of hunting."

390
00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:40,786
Which I'll be doing
tomorrow morning,
smart guy!

391
00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:43,038
Hunting? Dad, no!

392
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:44,831
Lemons.

393
00:18:47,752 --> 00:18:49,628
It's not fair, Dad.

394
00:18:49,712 --> 00:18:52,839
Why should an animal die
just because you and Moe
are fighting?

395
00:18:52,924 --> 00:18:54,716
It's the law.
My hands are tied.

396
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:58,386
Okay. Cranberry sauce,
stuffing, potatoes.

397
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:01,306
Come on, turkey!
Join your friends!

398
00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:02,557
Do you really
think the turkey's

399
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:04,559
just gonna climb
onto the plate?

400
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:05,977
I would.

401
00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:09,231
Psst. Lisa.
Moe?

402
00:19:09,774 --> 00:19:12,317
Listen. I don't like you
and you don't like me,

403
00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:14,861
but we both want to
stop Homer from
shooting a turkey.

404
00:19:14,946 --> 00:19:16,738
You don't like me?
I like you.

405
00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:20,450
You do?
Then I like you, too.
Here. Have a towelette.

406
00:19:21,369 --> 00:19:23,119
HOMER: Here,
turkey-turkey-turkey!

407
00:19:23,204 --> 00:19:27,457
Turkey-turkey-turkey-
turkey-turkey!
Nobody's gonna kill you.

408
00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:29,417
All right.
From now on, no talking.

409
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:32,587
If you want to signal me,
use this bird call.

410
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:33,922
(IMITATES BIRD)

411
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,423
Ow! Ow!

412
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:37,926
Not the face!
Ooh! Ooh!

413
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,761
Okay, the face!

414
00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:44,266
Oh, that actually feels good
after the crotch.

415
00:19:44,892 --> 00:19:47,978
HOMER: All right,
turkey, where are you?

416
00:19:48,563 --> 00:19:51,857
Turkeys, the only animal
smarter than man.

417
00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:55,277
What the hell is that?

418
00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:56,903
A turkey!

419
00:19:56,988 --> 00:19:59,531
Dad's gonna slaughter
that poor turkey!

420
00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:01,867
Not if I scare it away
with this cougar call.

421
00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:03,243
(IMITATES COUGAR GROWLING)

422
00:20:06,289 --> 00:20:07,873
You did it, Moe!

423
00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:11,626
A cougar! Die, cougar!

424
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:13,044
(MOE GROANS)

425
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:15,964
MOE: My leg! Oh, geez!

426
00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:18,133
Got that cat
right in the leg.

427
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,093
Dad, you shot Moe!

428
00:20:20,177 --> 00:20:23,346
Oh, no! This time
I really am gonna faint!

429
00:20:25,308 --> 00:20:26,391
(SCREAMS)

430
00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:27,475
Son of a...

431
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,228
LISA: How'd they get
your bar back to normal
so quickly, Moe?

432
00:20:30,313 --> 00:20:32,856
MOE: It's a snap when
you use certified contractors.

433
00:20:32,940 --> 00:20:34,983
BART: Like the ones found in
your local yellow pages?

434
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:36,318
MOE: Exactly.

435
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:40,739
I'm sorry I shot you, Moe.

436
00:20:40,823 --> 00:20:43,408
Aw, that's okay.
It's like my dad
always said,

437
00:20:43,492 --> 00:20:45,869
"Eventually
everybody gets shot."

438
00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:48,914
Oh, I'm glad you two
are friends again

439
00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:52,709
so we can all have
Thanksgiving dinner
together in this bar.

440
00:20:53,210 --> 00:20:55,086
Hey,
who invited the hippies?

441
00:20:55,171 --> 00:20:58,882
I did. You owe R. E.M.
an apology for eco-fraud.

442
00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:03,511
All right, I'm sorry.
But I will not
save the rain forest!

443
00:21:03,971 --> 00:21:05,889
Good enough.
Let's eat.

444
00:21:06,515 --> 00:21:09,434
And we should all
be thankful to Michael,
Peter, and Mike

445
00:21:09,518 --> 00:21:13,355
for supplying
this beautiful turkey
made entirely of tofu.

446
00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:15,357
Tofu and gluten.

447
00:21:16,233 --> 00:21:18,068
I'm thankful
I ate before I came.

448
00:21:18,152 --> 00:21:20,862
Oh, come on, Bart.
Smell those curds.

449
00:21:21,364 --> 00:21:22,572
Mmm!

450
00:21:23,157 --> 00:21:24,324
Curds.

451
00:21:24,825 --> 00:21:28,620
And I'm thankful
I get to spend Thanksgiving
with my family,

452
00:21:28,704 --> 00:21:32,457
these alternative rockers,
and my favorite bartender.

453
00:21:33,125 --> 00:21:34,292
Here you go, pal.

454
00:21:34,377 --> 00:21:36,002
And here you go!

455
00:21:37,380 --> 00:21:38,421
(DINGING)

456
00:22:32,351 --> 00:22:33,351
ENGLISH - US - PSDH