1
00:00:04,088 --> 00:00:07,090
(SINGING) The Simpsons

2
00:00:18,102 --> 00:00:19,936
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

3
00:00:24,775 --> 00:00:26,275
(HORN BELLOWING)

4
00:00:42,501 --> 00:00:44,544
(PLAYING DIFFERENT TUNE)

5
00:00:47,756 --> 00:00:48,756
(TIRES SCREECHING)

6
00:01:00,227 --> 00:01:01,602
(HONKING)

7
00:01:02,104 --> 00:01:03,146
(TIRES SCREECHING)

8
00:01:05,315 --> 00:01:06,315
D'oh!

9
00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:07,567
(SCREAMS)

10
00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:08,651
(BRAKES SCREECHING)

11
00:01:22,833 --> 00:01:26,836
ANNOUNCER: We now
return to The Planet
from Outer Space.

12
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:36,846
Captain, we've been attacked
by some sort of force ray.

13
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,181
(CHOKING)

14
00:01:38,682 --> 00:01:40,933
Space air is flooding in.

15
00:01:42,352 --> 00:01:44,145
Right. Goggles on!

16
00:01:45,647 --> 00:01:48,149
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

17
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:52,361
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

18
00:01:58,076 --> 00:02:02,663
Good Lord!
We're on a collision course
with a monster from space!

19
00:02:03,832 --> 00:02:05,374
(BARKING)

20
00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:10,254
That's just a dog
in a spacesuit!

21
00:02:10,339 --> 00:02:12,715
From the looks
of it, a male dog.

22
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:16,761
ANNOUNCER: We'll return
to our film after these
very loud messages.

23
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:20,932
Hi. I'm Colonel Chet Manners,
five-time space
shuttle alternate.

24
00:02:21,016 --> 00:02:22,141
Loser.

25
00:02:22,226 --> 00:02:24,644
Do you want to boldly go
where people like me,

26
00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:27,146
but not me,
have gone before?

27
00:02:27,231 --> 00:02:31,275
Then get the Orbit King,
with yaw control
like you've never seen.

28
00:02:33,237 --> 00:02:38,324
Hey, Lise,
is Dad's credit card number
5784365343410709?

29
00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:39,909
You know it is.

30
00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:46,457
(SINGING)
When you have a rib-eye steak
You must floss it

31
00:02:46,542 --> 00:02:48,292
Oh, that meatloaf
tasted great

32
00:02:48,377 --> 00:02:49,502
You must floss it

33
00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:51,838
Now floss it, floss it good

34
00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:54,048
Hey, Dad, will you help me
build this model rocket?

35
00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:57,552
Just a second, Son.
I gotta put on my contacts.

36
00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:08,104
I didn't know
your dad was so
interested in science.

37
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,522
Science?

38
00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:10,982
He didn't say "science."

39
00:03:11,066 --> 00:03:13,150
He said "pie pants."

40
00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:16,237
Mmm. Pie pants.

41
00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:24,161
This is launch master
Homer counting down,

42
00:03:24,246 --> 00:03:26,789
five, four, three...

43
00:03:31,795 --> 00:03:35,131
My eyebrows!
My beautiful eyebrows!

44
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,466
Over here, guvnor.

45
00:03:40,304 --> 00:03:44,015
The word "unblowupable"
is thrown around
a lot these days,

46
00:03:44,099 --> 00:03:46,475
but I think I can
say with confidence...

47
00:03:48,604 --> 00:03:51,939
Okay, that shows you what
could potentially happen.

48
00:03:54,985 --> 00:03:56,027
What was that?

49
00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:59,739
Greetings from
Neddedy Space Center
on Cape Flandaveral.

50
00:03:59,990 --> 00:04:03,534
We noticed your
"sky-rotechnics"
and thought we'd join in.

51
00:04:03,619 --> 00:04:05,411
Ooh, looks like
a perfect landing.

52
00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:12,460
Wow! Did you see
that yaw control?

53
00:04:12,544 --> 00:04:14,545
I have eyes, don't I?

54
00:04:15,047 --> 00:04:16,464
(HAMMERING)

55
00:04:17,049 --> 00:04:18,257
(DRILLING)

56
00:04:20,177 --> 00:04:23,012
I would really like
to thank you nerds
for helping me out.

57
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,765
And could you stop
calling us "nerds"?

58
00:04:25,849 --> 00:04:28,517
"Dweeb," "wonk," "spaz."
It's all good.

59
00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:31,103
Who wants some
astro-lemonade?

60
00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:33,189
What precisely
makes it astro?

61
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:36,567
Look, I don't want
to start a whole
thing with this.

62
00:04:37,069 --> 00:04:39,654
Okay,
the rocket's ready to go.

63
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:41,864
(ALL CHUCKLING EXCITEDLY)

64
00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:45,952
Super.
Now if you'll gather round,
I'd like to say a few words.

65
00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:48,371
All nerds clear
the launch area!

66
00:04:48,872 --> 00:04:50,081
Let's wait in the car.

67
00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:51,958
Now, all we need
is our astronaut.

68
00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:54,961
Bart, where's
America's newest hero?

69
00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:56,379
He's saying goodbye
to his wife.

70
00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:02,176
He's leaving her
with five babies.

71
00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:04,220
She already ate three.

72
00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:05,930
That's sensible.

73
00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:28,202
Son, we are about to break
the surly bonds of gravity

74
00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:31,038
and punch the face of God!

75
00:05:33,208 --> 00:05:36,961
Five, four,
three, two, one,

76
00:05:37,379 --> 00:05:38,462
countdown!

77
00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:03,571
(GASPS)

78
00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:08,284
Wow! That's it.
I'm off the hooch.

79
00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:11,537
Hey, wine!

80
00:06:17,919 --> 00:06:20,129
Dad,
the rocket's off course!

81
00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:22,673
Okay, Nibbles.
You can guide her down.

82
00:06:22,758 --> 00:06:25,468
"Step one,
right in front of you
is a blue handle.

83
00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:29,138
"Pull for a controlled
burn of 2.4 seconds."

84
00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:40,858
Now it's heading
for the church!

85
00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:43,277
Don't worry.
I planned for this.

86
00:06:59,044 --> 00:07:01,587
This is the worst thing
you've ever done!

87
00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:04,757
You say that so much,
it's lost all meaning.

88
00:07:11,056 --> 00:07:15,226
I have convened
the church council to see
what we should do now.

89
00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:18,062
Fixing this church
should be our top priority.

90
00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:21,440
And I say that
as a teenager, and the
parent of a teenager.

91
00:07:21,525 --> 00:07:24,360
Fixing all that damage
is gonna be very expensive.

92
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:27,446
Yes, barring some
sort of miracle...

93
00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:33,494
All right! We'll help
ourselves, yet again.

94
00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:35,788
People, we need
some fundraising ideas.

95
00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:37,832
Let's just write to
David Bowie again.

96
00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:41,168
No, he's done enough
for this church.
Anyone else?

97
00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:45,422
I've got the answer.

98
00:07:45,507 --> 00:07:48,467
Just let me run this
church like a business.

99
00:07:48,552 --> 00:07:50,136
It's kind of you
to offer, Mr. Burns,

100
00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:53,305
but the buzz around town
is that you're, well, evil.

101
00:07:53,390 --> 00:07:55,724
That's just
a skip-rope rhyme.

102
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:58,978
Believe me,
the Lord's gonna go
for this in a big way.

103
00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:00,896
Now, who's with me?

104
00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:03,941
I guess we have
no choice.

105
00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:05,317
Excellent.

106
00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:07,069
(GROANS)

107
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,530
You'll get yours.

108
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,116
This is Lindsay Naegle.

109
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,326
And don't let
the skirt fool you.

110
00:08:14,411 --> 00:08:16,871
She'll have this place
making money in no time.

111
00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:19,248
Isn't that skirt
a little north of the knee?

112
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,000
You're telling me.

113
00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:24,003
I guarantee I can find
some new revenue streams.

114
00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:26,505
Step one,
let's sell some ad space.

115
00:08:26,590 --> 00:08:29,425
Reverend, how would you feel
about wearing this robe?

116
00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:32,178
Conflicted.

117
00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:35,139
Too bad!
You've already signed
the deal!

118
00:08:35,223 --> 00:08:36,599
Actually, he hasn't.

119
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:40,144
Well, we highly value
your input,

120
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,897
until you sign the deal.

121
00:08:42,981 --> 00:08:44,523
Let me handle this,
Monty.

122
00:08:44,608 --> 00:08:45,691
Good idea.

123
00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:47,568
I'll be hiding
behind that tree.

124
00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:57,661
What are they
doing to the church?

125
00:08:57,746 --> 00:08:58,954
We're re-branding it.

126
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,998
The old church
was skewing pious.

127
00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:03,292
We prefer
a faith-based emporium,

128
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:05,502
teeming with
impulse-buy items.

129
00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:07,296
I feel like
I want to throw up.

130
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:08,881
Then my work is done.

131
00:09:11,092 --> 00:09:13,052
Why does Jesus
have a lasso?

132
00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:14,845
Because he's all man.

133
00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:16,597
(ALL GASPING)

134
00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:26,941
Money changed.

135
00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:29,944
Get your money changed,
right here in the temple!

136
00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:33,113
That could not be
more blasphemous.

137
00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:35,324
Where's Bart?

138
00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:44,250
Do a nice one
for Grandma.

139
00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:45,626
Fine.

140
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:51,006
These new pews are so comfy.

141
00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:54,176
I am not going to be
taken in by all of this.

142
00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:56,845
Lisa, don't sulk.

143
00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:58,514
You're on the JumboTron.

144
00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:02,309
(PEOPLE CHEERING)

145
00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:03,477
Adorable.

146
00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:07,022
And Lord, please remember
our infirm parishioners,

147
00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:11,568
especially Mrs. Glick,
who's recovering
from hip surgery.

148
00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:15,364
And now,
let us rise and...
Um...

149
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:17,491
Um...

150
00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:18,951
He's not gonna say it.

151
00:10:19,035 --> 00:10:22,538
Trust me. He'll say it,
or I'll bust him down
to Thursday night vespers.

152
00:10:22,998 --> 00:10:24,790
...and thank
Crazy Larry

153
00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:28,544
whose big-screen TV
prices are insane!

154
00:10:30,046 --> 00:10:33,132
And now, to deliver
a special sermon

155
00:10:33,216 --> 00:10:37,011
on the sanctity of
deliciousness, the Noid.

156
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:42,182
That's it!

157
00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:47,521
Quiet, Lisa.
Everyone in the store
is looking at you.

158
00:10:47,605 --> 00:10:49,648
They should take a good look
at themselves

159
00:10:49,733 --> 00:10:51,567
and what their
church has become!

160
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:52,651
(ALL GASPING)

161
00:10:52,736 --> 00:10:54,903
Lisa, it's still the
same basic message.

162
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,822
We've just
dressed it up a little.

163
00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:58,741
Like the Whore of Babylon?

164
00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:00,951
That is a false analogy.
(PEOPLE MURMURING)

165
00:11:01,036 --> 00:11:03,495
No, it's not.
It's apt. Apt!

166
00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:04,913
(ALL GASPING)

167
00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:07,875
Don't you see
what Mr. Burns has
done to this church?

168
00:11:07,959 --> 00:11:11,003
He restored it
from nave to narthex!

169
00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:14,381
He super-sized the pews
for the zaftig believers.

170
00:11:14,466 --> 00:11:16,216
He put ice in the urinals.

171
00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:18,010
Those are all
wonderful things,

172
00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:20,179
but they've cost
the church its soul.

173
00:11:20,263 --> 00:11:23,057
And I, for one,
will not be a part of it!

174
00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:29,355
Do you want your hand stamped
so you can come back in?

175
00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:32,274
No! I'm leaving
this church forever!

176
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:37,112
Oh, no!

177
00:11:37,447 --> 00:11:38,822
I don't know how to feel.

178
00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:40,824
You should be very upset.

179
00:11:40,909 --> 00:11:42,159
Got it.

180
00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:43,869
(WAILING)

181
00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:46,413
HOMER: How is that?
MARGE: A little much.

182
00:11:46,498 --> 00:11:48,248
(HOMER WAILING SOFTLY)

183
00:11:53,088 --> 00:11:55,506
Lord, I'm not
turning my back on you.

184
00:11:55,590 --> 00:11:59,218
I just need to find a temple
that's free of corruption.

185
00:11:59,302 --> 00:12:03,263
(MARGE IMPERSONATING GOD)
Why do you have
to be so different?

186
00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:08,143
Always making a big deal
out of everything?

187
00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:13,524
Mom, I know it's you.

188
00:12:13,608 --> 00:12:16,860
I can't believe
you're eavesdropping
on my prayers.

189
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:19,738
Honey, I'm worried
about your soul.

190
00:12:20,031 --> 00:12:24,201
I want at least one
person from this family
to go to heaven.

191
00:12:24,285 --> 00:12:25,911
I still believe in God.

192
00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:28,872
I just think
there's another
path to him or her.

193
00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:30,124
Her?

194
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,168
She's just kidding,
Mr. Lord.

195
00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:39,758
Still looking
for a new faith?
Yeah.

196
00:12:39,843 --> 00:12:42,928
Hey, how about one
of those religions
where you eat a human heart?

197
00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:44,012
No.

198
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:45,180
How about Methodist?

199
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:46,432
No!

200
00:12:46,516 --> 00:12:49,935
Look, I'm not just
gonna pick a religion
that seems cool.

201
00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:52,271
I'm gonna pick one
that's right for me.

202
00:12:52,355 --> 00:12:55,357
How about Judaism?
When you turn 13,
cha-ching!

203
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:57,443
I'm going out for a walk.

204
00:12:57,819 --> 00:12:59,194
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

205
00:13:10,081 --> 00:13:11,373
(GASPS)

206
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:21,633
Lenny and Carl?
You guys are Buddhists?

207
00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:23,427
Yeah. If I didn't
have inner peace,

208
00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:26,638
I'd completely go psycho
on all you guys all the time.

209
00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:28,474
Well, I'm looking
for a new faith,

210
00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:30,726
one that isn't
so materialistic.

211
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:33,061
Well, you've come
to the right place.

212
00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:37,107
Buddhism teaches
that suffering is
caused by desire.

213
00:13:38,193 --> 00:13:39,693
Richard Gere?

214
00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:42,237
The world's most
famous Buddhist.

215
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,698
What about the Dalai Lama?
Who?

216
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:46,658
You know,
the 14th reincarnation

217
00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:48,785
of the Buddha Avalokiteshvara.

218
00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:49,912
Who's Buddha?

219
00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:52,122
It's a good thing
Buddhism teaches
freedom from desire,

220
00:13:52,207 --> 00:13:53,999
'cause I've got the desire
to kick your ass.

221
00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:57,169
Mr. Gere, I was hoping
Buddhism could
bring me inner peace.

222
00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:58,754
Or is that
just a pipe dream?

223
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:02,174
We all have dreams.
Mine is of a free Tibet.

224
00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:03,592
That would be so great.

225
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:05,302
I dream about
meatball sandwiches,

226
00:14:05,428 --> 00:14:07,095
all-you-can-eat
for two bucks.

227
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:08,180
Good luck.

228
00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:10,557
This pamphlet contains
the teachings of the Buddha.

229
00:14:10,642 --> 00:14:14,269
"All things are impermanent,
and are empty of
inherent existence."

230
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,980
Hey, Richard,
in An Officer
and a Gentleman,

231
00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:18,732
did you really do
all those sit-ups?

232
00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:22,027
I wish. I did one,
and they just
showed it 1,000 times.

233
00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:26,949
"Nirvana is achieved
through right views
and right speech.

234
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:28,992
"Positive actions
lead to happiness

235
00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:31,995
"and negative actions
lead to unhappiness.

236
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:35,791
"No creator gods,
just the pursuit
of enlightenment."

237
00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:38,377
I'm a Buddhist!

238
00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:41,713
LISA: (SHOUTING)
Hey, I'm a Buddhist!

239
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,633
My Satan-sense is tingling.

240
00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:46,593
Into the root cellar, boys!

241
00:14:46,678 --> 00:14:48,220
When can we come out?

242
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:49,680
Maybe never.

243
00:14:49,764 --> 00:14:51,348
Yay!
Yay!

244
00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:59,356
So, you think
you know better
than this family, huh?

245
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:01,525
Well, as long as
you're in my house,

246
00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:04,319
you'll do what I do
and believe what I believe.

247
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,113
So, butter your bacon!

248
00:15:06,197 --> 00:15:07,614
Yes, Father.

249
00:15:10,952 --> 00:15:14,246
Mom, Dad,
my spiritual quest is over.

250
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:17,249
Hold that thought.
Bacon up that sausage, boy.

251
00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:19,626
But, Dad, my heart hurts.

252
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:22,796
(GROANS)

253
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:26,800
I'm a Buddhist.

254
00:15:26,884 --> 00:15:27,926
What?
(GASPING)

255
00:15:28,011 --> 00:15:30,429
That's it.
No more chat rooms
for you!

256
00:15:30,513 --> 00:15:32,055
You know, Lisa,

257
00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:33,724
around here,
Buddhists don't get

258
00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:35,767
any desserts
in their lunches.

259
00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:37,769
A Buddhist
wouldn't want any.

260
00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:45,652
Hey, Simpson,
I hear your sister
dumped Christianity.

261
00:15:45,737 --> 00:15:46,778
Who cares?

262
00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:48,822
I'll tell you
someone who cares.

263
00:15:48,906 --> 00:15:51,617
He's got long hair,
works as a carpenter,

264
00:15:51,701 --> 00:15:55,162
has a lot of crazy ideas
about love and brotherhood.

265
00:15:55,246 --> 00:15:58,040
His name's Gunnar,
and he's dating my mom.

266
00:15:58,124 --> 00:16:00,000
Sometimes,
he buys us beer.

267
00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:02,044
I thought Kearney
was dating your mom.

268
00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:04,129
Hey, she came on to me!

269
00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:05,631
Get him!

270
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,848
Hey, Lisa.
What are you doing?

271
00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:16,933
I'm planting my
own Bodhi Tree.

272
00:16:17,018 --> 00:16:20,562
If I meditate under it,
perhaps I can
find inner peace.

273
00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:24,775
Honey, is this
about some boy at school
who doesn't like you?

274
00:16:24,859 --> 00:16:25,817
No!

275
00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:26,985
Good!

276
00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:29,988
I'm just saying
that any boy who
doesn't like you

277
00:16:30,073 --> 00:16:31,740
is not worth your time.

278
00:16:31,949 --> 00:16:33,367
(CHANTING)

279
00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:39,581
You're gonna get
a bath tonight!

280
00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:47,881
So, the good news is
church revenues
are up 1,073%.

281
00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:51,218
And when will the church
see any of this money?

282
00:16:51,302 --> 00:16:53,637
When hell freezes over,
suckers!

283
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:57,683
(MR. BURNS LAUGHING)

284
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:02,270
Whatever. Just take it.

285
00:17:05,483 --> 00:17:09,069
Well, next on our agenda,
Marge Simpson's
devil daughter.

286
00:17:09,153 --> 00:17:13,156
She's not a devil.
I just don't know
what to do.

287
00:17:13,241 --> 00:17:15,283
Well, Christmas is
coming, huh?

288
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:19,121
Yeah. And Santa
doesn't leave presents
under the Bodhi Tree.

289
00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:21,873
You think we
can bribe her back
with Christmas?

290
00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:23,583
Marge, you can
save more souls

291
00:17:23,668 --> 00:17:25,544
with roller skates
and Easy-Bake Ovens

292
00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:28,630
than with this
2,000-page sleeping pill.

293
00:17:32,093 --> 00:17:33,593
Time to begin

294
00:17:33,678 --> 00:17:37,806
Operation X-Mas
Remind of How Good Is.

295
00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:41,268
Just do it!
Do it! Do it now!

296
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:44,396
I think this tree
could use an angel.

297
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:46,690
Well,
at least it's tasteful.

298
00:17:48,109 --> 00:17:50,444
(BARKING JINGLE BELLS)

299
00:17:54,699 --> 00:17:56,908
I was just making
Christmas cookies.

300
00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:59,161
But since you
don't believe in
Christmas anymore,

301
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:00,746
I guess you don't want any.

302
00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:03,123
Well, they do smell good.

303
00:18:03,875 --> 00:18:05,333
It's a pity.

304
00:18:06,169 --> 00:18:08,503
All right!
Trash cookies!

305
00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:11,882
(GROANS)
Uh-oh.

306
00:18:11,966 --> 00:18:13,550
I think I ate
a dog food lid.

307
00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:22,058
Here she comes!

308
00:18:22,143 --> 00:18:24,352
And a-one,
and a-two, and a...

309
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:26,897
We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas

310
00:18:26,981 --> 00:18:29,107
We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas

311
00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:30,609
We wish...
We wish...

312
00:18:31,194 --> 00:18:32,277
Hello, Lisa.

313
00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:35,030
I just came down
for a glass of water.

314
00:18:35,531 --> 00:18:38,492
Well, you do have
a present under the tree.

315
00:18:38,576 --> 00:18:41,495
I guess no one told Santa
you were a Buddhist.

316
00:18:41,579 --> 00:18:45,957
Well, Santa can take it back
because I'm not
ruled by material...

317
00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:48,710
(GASPING)
Is that a pony?

318
00:18:50,171 --> 00:18:52,339
I don't know
what Santa left you.

319
00:18:52,423 --> 00:18:55,967
I just know
his name is Clip-Clop
and he loves sugar.

320
00:18:56,052 --> 00:18:57,344
Lisa, we love you,

321
00:18:57,428 --> 00:19:00,972
and we're not trying
to put any pressure on you.

322
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:08,897
Aw.

323
00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:14,027
Lick it. Lick it.

324
00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:16,154
No!

325
00:19:18,074 --> 00:19:22,285
Oh, no!
Our daughter's run away
on Christmas Eve!

326
00:19:24,247 --> 00:19:25,997
More sugar, please.

327
00:19:26,082 --> 00:19:27,165
Bag's in the kitchen.

328
00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:28,542
All right!

329
00:19:34,549 --> 00:19:37,425
My family tried to trick me
into celebrating Christmas.

330
00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:39,511
You know,
we are meditating.

331
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:40,887
(BUZZING)

332
00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:43,682
Oh. Sorry.
That's all right.

333
00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:47,519
I was only about to
achieve enlightenment.
But who'd want that?

334
00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:49,855
Who likes short-shorts?

335
00:19:49,939 --> 00:19:52,190
I like short-shorts.

336
00:19:52,567 --> 00:19:54,317
Those guys are way off.

337
00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:56,945
Anyway, your family
didn't have to trick you.

338
00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:59,573
Buddhists respect
the diversity of
other religions

339
00:19:59,657 --> 00:20:01,741
as long as they're based
on love and compassion.

340
00:20:01,826 --> 00:20:02,868
(EXCLAIMS)

341
00:20:02,952 --> 00:20:04,703
It's true.
So, why don't you go home?

342
00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:06,454
I'm sure your family
really misses you.

343
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:08,874
I can really
celebrate Christmas?

344
00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:10,542
You can celebrate
any holiday.

345
00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:13,211
And, you know,
my birthday is August 31.

346
00:20:13,296 --> 00:20:15,422
Oh. I'll send you
an e-mail greeting card.

347
00:20:15,506 --> 00:20:16,548
Sweet.

348
00:20:16,632 --> 00:20:18,800
Now I really should
be getting back
to my family.

349
00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:21,052
Yeah. I'm spending tonight
with my step-daughter,
Hannah.

350
00:20:21,137 --> 00:20:23,013
I do her hair,
then she does mine.

351
00:20:23,097 --> 00:20:25,181
We're gonna go
spend Christmas
with Moe,

352
00:20:25,266 --> 00:20:27,809
you know, so he don't
have one of his
Christmas "accidents."

353
00:20:27,894 --> 00:20:30,478
Hey, he can't do
much without this.

354
00:20:31,981 --> 00:20:34,441
I did it!
I found our dog!

355
00:20:34,525 --> 00:20:36,651
Now our Christmas
is complete!

356
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:39,029
We were looking for Lisa!

357
00:20:39,113 --> 00:20:41,323
I thought
we were caroling.

358
00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:43,450
We better call
the police.

359
00:20:46,162 --> 00:20:47,370
Lisa?

360
00:20:48,164 --> 00:20:50,165
You came back!

361
00:20:50,541 --> 00:20:51,917
(YAWNING)

362
00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:53,001
Yeah.

363
00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:55,670
I wanted to spend Christmas
with you guys.

364
00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:57,505
So, you're back on
the winning team?

365
00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:59,257
No, I'm still Buddhist.

366
00:20:59,342 --> 00:21:01,676
But I can worship
with my family, too.

367
00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:04,763
So, you're just going
to pay lip service
to our church?

368
00:21:04,847 --> 00:21:05,889
Uh-huh.

369
00:21:05,973 --> 00:21:08,099
That's all I ever asked.

370
00:21:08,184 --> 00:21:10,644
Well,
I'm just glad you're back.

371
00:21:12,188 --> 00:21:16,107
And don't worry, honey.
I'll pray double hard
for both of us.

372
00:21:16,192 --> 00:21:19,027
Now let's get you
some Christmas cookies.

373
00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:20,570
Thanks, Mom.

374
00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:23,907
Hey, where's my pony?

375
00:21:23,991 --> 00:21:27,369
Yes!
Merry Christmas to us all!

376
00:21:28,245 --> 00:21:30,163
I'm serious.
Make with the pony.

377
00:21:30,247 --> 00:21:33,458
And a happy and
healthy New Year!

378
00:21:33,751 --> 00:21:35,877
Here, Clip-Clop!
Here, pony-pony!

379
00:21:35,962 --> 00:21:38,046
Happy, happy New Year!

380
00:22:32,435 --> 00:22:33,435
ENGLISH - US - PSDH