1
00:00:03,879 --> 00:00:07,048
(SINGING) The Simpsons

2
00:00:07,132 --> 00:00:09,133
(TIRES SCREECHING)

3
00:00:10,386 --> 00:00:11,469
D'oh!

4
00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:13,137
(SCREAMS)

5
00:00:15,808 --> 00:00:17,100
Oh! My brain!

6
00:00:29,405 --> 00:00:30,571
(BRAKES SCREECHING)

7
00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:32,490
(SPURTING)

8
00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:34,534
A library
selling books?

9
00:00:34,743 --> 00:00:35,868
If I don't want them
for free,

10
00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:37,370
why would I want
to pay for them?

11
00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:40,665
Why do you always
wait till we arrive
to complain?

12
00:00:42,418 --> 00:00:43,626
I don't know.

13
00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:47,505
Ah. The full
Leonard Nimoy cycle,
I Am Not Spock,

14
00:00:47,965 --> 00:00:49,298
then I Am Spock,

15
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,718
and finally,
I Am Also Scotty.

16
00:00:52,177 --> 00:00:55,596
Mmm. That's what
we look like inside?

17
00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:57,473
It's disgusting!

18
00:00:57,558 --> 00:01:00,309
Oh. That lady
swallowed a baby!

19
00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:02,895
Good heavens!

20
00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:05,523
Lisa, you're not
buying more than
your weight in books.

21
00:01:05,607 --> 00:01:06,941
But I have to save them.

22
00:01:07,025 --> 00:01:09,736
The books no one buys
get chopped up
and fed to pigs.

23
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,487
(GRUNTING)

24
00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:17,118
Helen Fielding's
giving them pigs
Bridget Jones' diarrhea.

25
00:01:18,829 --> 00:01:22,290
Well, what about this?
The Duff Book of
World Records.

26
00:01:22,708 --> 00:01:25,835
It's got pictures
of deformities.

27
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,378
Okay.

28
00:01:28,172 --> 00:01:30,006
(LAUGHING)

29
00:01:30,340 --> 00:01:31,924
(GASPS) Oh.

30
00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:33,259
(LAUGHING)

31
00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:34,927
Oh, my God!

32
00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:37,972
Wow. Now that's a goiter.

33
00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:40,516
Why would Duff beer
put out a book?

34
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:43,603
It was originally
published to settle
arguments in taverns.

35
00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:45,271
She said tavern!
I'm going to Moe's!

36
00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:46,355
(HOMER RUNNING)

37
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:47,523
I never agreed
to that rule!

38
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:48,608
(CAR DOOR CLOSES)

39
00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:49,734
(CAR SPEEDING AWAY)

40
00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,613
Well, I say
the most clothespins

41
00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:56,532
a man could attach
to his face is 87!

42
00:01:56,742 --> 00:01:57,992
You counting the neck?

43
00:01:58,076 --> 00:01:59,202
You know I am.

44
00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:01,037
All right. Outside.

45
00:02:02,873 --> 00:02:07,210
Peace, my people.
All shall be looked up.
Let's see.

46
00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:10,463
Most clothespins
swallowed, inserted...

47
00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:14,634
Here we go.
Clipped to face
and neck. 116.

48
00:02:14,927 --> 00:02:18,054
(SCOFFS) Jeez, I was wrong.
But I ain't angry.

49
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,056
And I'm magnanimous
in victory.

50
00:02:20,516 --> 00:02:22,725
Wow, that's the best book
I've ever seen.

51
00:02:22,810 --> 00:02:26,854
No. The best book
you've ever seen is
Tom Clancy's Op-Center.

52
00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:29,732
That thing knows me
better than I know myself.

53
00:02:31,235 --> 00:02:34,987
Oh. Here's a good one.
The world's most
overrated saint...

54
00:02:35,072 --> 00:02:36,989
Francis of Assisi.
Francis of Assisi.

55
00:02:37,074 --> 00:02:39,784
Oh, I've used up
all these records.

56
00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:41,536
Why don't you try
to set a record, Dad?

57
00:02:41,620 --> 00:02:43,079
That's a great idea!

58
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,997
Do you think
I could run a mile in
three-and-a-half minutes?

59
00:02:45,082 --> 00:02:46,165
Only on Mars.

60
00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:48,417
The Simpsons
are going to Mars!

61
00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:50,253
So pack your...

62
00:02:51,129 --> 00:02:52,880
Or maybe I'll think
of something else.

63
00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:00,137
(CHAIR CREAKS)

64
00:03:00,222 --> 00:03:03,266
You're a cinch
to be the world's
fattest man.

65
00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:06,269
No, I'm here for
the greatest living actor.

66
00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:08,771
I'm here to break
a world record.

67
00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:11,691
What's the longest
anyone's ever done this?

68
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:17,321
Three years.

69
00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:18,406
(SMACKING LIPS)

70
00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:21,158
Fine. I'll just
play the banjo
with this cobra.

71
00:03:21,243 --> 00:03:22,618
(HISSING)

72
00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:27,331
Wait, wait, wait!

73
00:03:27,416 --> 00:03:30,710
Technically the cobra
would get the record.
He's the one playing.

74
00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:32,295
But it's my banjo!

75
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:35,089
Mr. Simpson,
there are thousands
of people like you

76
00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:36,674
with no
discernable talent.

77
00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:38,134
Yeah.
They're called Congress!

78
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:39,218
(LAUGHING)

79
00:03:39,303 --> 00:03:40,386
Shut up.
Okay.

80
00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:44,307
All the individual records
were set by crackpots
who half killed themselves.

81
00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:46,267
The only way someone new
can get in the book

82
00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:48,352
is with some kind of
group stunt.

83
00:03:48,437 --> 00:03:49,478
Group stunt?

84
00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:52,023
Like that town that
made the world's
largest omelet.

85
00:03:52,107 --> 00:03:53,900
Denver?
No, Spanish.

86
00:03:55,319 --> 00:03:56,485
(HISSING)

87
00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:59,739
Fellow Springfielders!
I have called you all here

88
00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:03,367
so we can enter
The Duff Book
of World Records!

89
00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:04,785
(CROWD MURMURING)

90
00:04:04,870 --> 00:04:08,164
We're going to build
the world's tallest
human pyramid!

91
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:11,167
Finally this town
will have a real
claim to fame.

92
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:14,128
Aye. We can
stop all the lies.

93
00:04:16,882 --> 00:04:18,674
(GRUNTING)

94
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,468
I haven't seen
this much flesh

95
00:04:20,552 --> 00:04:22,803
since Elke Sommer's
hot tub party.

96
00:04:22,888 --> 00:04:23,930
(LAUGHING)

97
00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:25,473
Seriously, Elke's great.

98
00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:28,517
Always there
for sick kids.
Doing great things.

99
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,479
Okay. Let me
check the specs.

100
00:04:32,648 --> 00:04:33,648
Ah!

101
00:04:33,732 --> 00:04:36,025
My vision is
coming to life!

102
00:04:42,366 --> 00:04:43,616
MAN 1: Hey!
MAN 2: Hey!

103
00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:45,201
MAN 1: Thanks, great.

104
00:04:47,162 --> 00:04:49,622
All right, I'll make
base camp here

105
00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:51,290
and try for
the summit tomorrow.

106
00:04:51,375 --> 00:04:53,000
(ALL EXCLAIMING
IN DISAPPOINTMENT)

107
00:04:53,085 --> 00:04:56,462
Yeah, Dad.
You can be the world's
laziest stunt organizer.

108
00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:57,922
Why, you little...

109
00:04:58,006 --> 00:04:59,340
(GRUNTING)

110
00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:07,390
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

111
00:05:08,392 --> 00:05:09,850
(SCREAMING)

112
00:05:13,522 --> 00:05:14,939
(GROANING)

113
00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:26,158
(PANTING)

114
00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:29,453
You're about a foot
short of the record.

115
00:05:29,538 --> 00:05:31,497
(EXCLAIMING IN DISAPPOINTMENT)

116
00:05:31,581 --> 00:05:33,582
Wait a minute.

117
00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:35,084
(LAUGHING)

118
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,753
We did it!
Springfield rules!

119
00:05:37,963 --> 00:05:41,257
Not yet.
You have to hold it
for three Mississippi's.

120
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,009
One Mississippi...

121
00:05:45,095 --> 00:05:46,929
Two Mississippi...

122
00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:49,015
Dude, you're
touching my hand!

123
00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:50,099
BOTH: Ewe!

124
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,101
(ALL SCREAMING)

125
00:05:58,108 --> 00:05:59,483
Oh, my hairstyle!

126
00:05:59,568 --> 00:06:00,609
Not again!

127
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,655
Goodbye, cruel world.

128
00:06:05,991 --> 00:06:07,783
Hello, ironic twist!

129
00:06:12,664 --> 00:06:14,373
(GROANING)

130
00:06:21,173 --> 00:06:23,466
I am so far from my car.

131
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:27,303
Dude, you're lying
on top of me! Dude?

132
00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:31,098
Wait a minute.
Look at the scale!

133
00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:34,727
Divide by
the number of people,
subtract belts and shoes...

134
00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:36,020
(GASPS)

135
00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:41,275
Everyone, welcome to
The Duff Book
of World Records!

136
00:06:41,485 --> 00:06:44,737
Springfield is
the world's fattest town!

137
00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:47,198
(ALL CHEERING)

138
00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:50,117
Woo-hoo!
In your face, Milwaukee!

139
00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:57,833
Congratulations,
fellow Springfielders.

140
00:06:58,085 --> 00:07:01,921
This town will
no longer be known
as "America's Sorrow."

141
00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:07,301
Today I declare Springfield
"Fat City, USA!"

142
00:07:07,511 --> 00:07:09,637
(CHEERING)

143
00:07:10,514 --> 00:07:11,847
(PANTING)

144
00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:16,852
I can't believe it.
Everyone's celebrating
their obesity!

145
00:07:16,978 --> 00:07:18,437
Yee-ha!

146
00:07:18,522 --> 00:07:20,106
(LAUGHING)

147
00:07:23,527 --> 00:07:25,194
(GROANING)

148
00:07:25,529 --> 00:07:26,570
(LAUGHS)

149
00:07:26,655 --> 00:07:28,656
Now that everyone's
so open about being fat,

150
00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:31,534
I can finally stop
sucking in my gut.

151
00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:33,285
(EXCLAIMING)

152
00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:42,628
I don't know how
this town got so fat.

153
00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:44,713
Mom, we're out
of Frosting Gobs.

154
00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:48,175
Here, have one
of my fudge-stuffed
toaster pies.

155
00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:51,512
Mmm.

156
00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:56,809
(GROANING)

157
00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:59,270
You kids do eat
a lot of sugar,

158
00:07:59,354 --> 00:08:02,481
but at least Homer can have
a nice healthy grapefruit.

159
00:08:02,566 --> 00:08:05,734
Yeah. You can't
improve on nature.

160
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:09,738
(SUCKING)

161
00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:14,785
(EXCLAIMING WORRIEDLY)

162
00:08:17,539 --> 00:08:19,915
Look at all
the empty calories.

163
00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:21,500
Ooh!

164
00:08:21,585 --> 00:08:23,335
Sugar-free donuts!

165
00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:26,463
No, that is sugar
with free donuts.

166
00:08:26,756 --> 00:08:27,923
Huh.

167
00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:32,261
Apu, everything in this store
is overloaded with sugar.

168
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:33,721
Marge has a point.

169
00:08:33,805 --> 00:08:35,306
Sugar is
not only fattening,

170
00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:37,808
it's also terribly,
terribly addictive.

171
00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:40,561
Is my carton
of Pixy Stix in?

172
00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:41,937
No, it hasn't come in yet.

173
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,189
Damn it!

174
00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:46,358
When they come in,
you call me
at this number.

175
00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:47,526
(APU READING)

176
00:08:48,153 --> 00:08:50,237
I am sorry,
but everything
in this store,

177
00:08:50,322 --> 00:08:52,156
from the honey-glazed
cauliflower

178
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,283
to the Choco-Blasted
Baby Aspirin,

179
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:57,328
comes from
the Motherloving
Sugar Corporation.

180
00:08:57,454 --> 00:08:59,705
Well, I'm going to
have a talk with them.

181
00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:02,291
Where are their worldwide
headquarters located?

182
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:03,542
Why, right down
the street.

183
00:09:03,627 --> 00:09:04,668
That's lucky.

184
00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:18,724
Excuse me. I'm looking
for the head of
Motherloving Sugar.

185
00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:20,392
Yes.
I'm Garth Motherloving.

186
00:09:20,477 --> 00:09:21,894
I'm Marge Simpson.

187
00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:24,980
Long-time customer,
first-time complainer.

188
00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:27,233
Hey, Marge.
I'm not up on
the current slang,

189
00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:28,609
but do the kids
still say,

190
00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:29,985
"Get the hell
out of my office"?

191
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:33,530
I want you to stop putting
so much sugar in everything.

192
00:09:33,949 --> 00:09:37,159
Or at least warn people
that it's so unhealthy.

193
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:39,411
Mmm. That'll boost sales!

194
00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:42,373
While we're at it,
why don't I just change
my name back to Hitler?

195
00:09:42,457 --> 00:09:46,001
Don't you have any sense
of corporate responsibility?

196
00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:48,295
(UNCOMPREHENDING WHIMPERING)

197
00:09:48,380 --> 00:09:49,463
Hey!

198
00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:52,466
Look, lady,
if you have a problem,

199
00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:54,260
bring it up with
your sewing circle, okay?

200
00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:57,263
But we're on hiatus.
Everyone's everywhere.

201
00:09:57,639 --> 00:09:59,598
Note to Marge.
Get out!

202
00:10:03,186 --> 00:10:04,979
I'll play it later.

203
00:10:06,064 --> 00:10:07,064
(SLAMS DOOR)

204
00:10:07,399 --> 00:10:08,440
(GRUNTING)

205
00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:10,651
If you looked up
meanie-beanie-fo-feanie

206
00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:13,362
in the dictionary,
you'd see his picture.

207
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:16,365
Wait! You went
to a sugar factory?

208
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:17,658
Were there
Oompa Loompas?

209
00:10:17,867 --> 00:10:20,869
There was one in a cage,
but he wasn't moving.

210
00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:22,997
Oh.

211
00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:25,624
That company's ruining
the whole town's health,

212
00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:27,710
and I don't know
how to stop them.

213
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:30,337
Why don't you file
a class-action suit?

214
00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:34,466
Oh, yeah!
Like Erin Brockovich.

215
00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:36,552
The prostitute
with the heart of gold.

216
00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:40,806
I'm not sure
I can afford
a fancy lawyer.

217
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:44,059
That's okay, Mom. Today's
law schools are churning
out 2.1 lawyers

218
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,103
for every person
in America. Look.

219
00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:48,397
(CLAMORING)

220
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:49,940
Pick me!
Pick me!

221
00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:51,692
Me so litigious!

222
00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:54,987
Pick me! I just
passed the bar, see?

223
00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:57,031
(EXCLAIMING)

224
00:10:57,115 --> 00:10:58,824
Oh. Hop in.

225
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:01,535
We want to sue
the sugar industry

226
00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:03,203
for selling
a harmful product.

227
00:11:03,288 --> 00:11:06,749
We have to sign up plaintiffs
and take depositions
from the townspeople.

228
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:10,002
Ah, jeez.
You don't want old Gil
going door-to-door.

229
00:11:10,086 --> 00:11:11,587
Oh, I've made
too many enemies

230
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,756
selling suckless
vacuum cleaners

231
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:15,090
and Rick James Bibles.

232
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:17,051
Don't worry.
I'll do the legwork.

233
00:11:18,136 --> 00:11:21,347
I'm filing
a class-action lawsuit
against big sugar.

234
00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:23,015
Would you like
to give a deposition?

235
00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:24,933
Sure.
I'll join your lawsuit.

236
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:27,686
Sugar's made my Ralphie
hyperactive.

237
00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:29,605
I'm happy and angry!

238
00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:31,023
(COCK CROWING)

239
00:11:31,107 --> 00:11:33,150
Oh, shoot. I'll sign.

240
00:11:33,276 --> 00:11:35,027
Figure them sugar folk
owe me

241
00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:37,112
for what they done
to my cousin,

242
00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:38,655
Dia-Betty.

243
00:11:39,074 --> 00:11:42,618
I'm trying to slim down
so I can fit into
Momma's coffin.

244
00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:46,455
That's my reward.

245
00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:48,165
(SHUDDERING)

246
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:52,961
Now let's see
if I can remember
how to make my mark.

247
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:59,009
I'll get down
with your lawsuit.

248
00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:03,972
Disco Stu got hooked
on the white stuff
back in the 70s.

249
00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:08,310
(EXCLAIMING)

250
00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:09,561
(MORE MORE MORE PLAYING)

251
00:12:09,646 --> 00:12:10,729
More, more, more

252
00:12:10,814 --> 00:12:13,023
How do you like it?
How do you like it?

253
00:12:13,108 --> 00:12:15,359
More, more, more

254
00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:17,653
How do you like it?
How do you like it?

255
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,947
More, more, more

256
00:12:27,038 --> 00:12:28,747
Oh, hello, Homer.

257
00:12:28,832 --> 00:12:30,833
Well, well.
If it isn't the woman

258
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:34,211
who's too busy
saving the world
to save her own marriage.

259
00:12:34,295 --> 00:12:37,589
What are you talking about?
Is that dinner?

260
00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:39,216
It was dinner!

261
00:12:39,551 --> 00:12:40,551
(SIZZLING)

262
00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:42,970
Why didn't you just
turn off the oven?

263
00:12:43,054 --> 00:12:46,056
I was hoping we could
do that together!

264
00:12:46,141 --> 00:12:48,016
(SOBBING)

265
00:12:50,061 --> 00:12:51,228
(HOMER EATING)

266
00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:52,938
(PHONE RINGING)

267
00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:54,857
Hello?
FRINK: (DISGUISED VOICE)
Marge Simpson?

268
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:56,650
Who is this?

269
00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:58,444
I'm an anonymous
whistleblower.

270
00:12:58,653 --> 00:13:00,863
I worked on
a top-secret project

271
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:04,450
called Operation
(NORMAL VOICE) Hoyvin-Mayvin!

272
00:13:04,701 --> 00:13:05,909
Professor Frink?

273
00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:07,619
Oh, what gave me away?

274
00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:10,038
Out of curiosity,
was it the hoyvin
or the mayvin

275
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:12,875
or was it the whole
gahoyving thing that I do?

276
00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:18,505
So, Professor,
tell us about
Operation Hoyvin-Mayvin.

277
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:20,966
Well, we knew
perfectly well
it was addictive.

278
00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:26,221
Candy was just
a sugar delivery system.
We thought we were God.

279
00:13:26,431 --> 00:13:27,806
Hoyvin-mayvin.

280
00:13:27,891 --> 00:13:30,225
Frink, you little weasel!
I'll kill you!

281
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,478
May I remind you
we're in open court?

282
00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:34,897
I'll kill you, too!
I'll kill you all!

283
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:37,858
Mr. Motherloving,
that could be interpreted
as a threat.

284
00:13:37,942 --> 00:13:39,151
I'll kill you
while you sleep.

285
00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:40,777
Objection!

286
00:13:41,196 --> 00:13:42,321
I'll allow it.

287
00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:46,450
Now, Count Fudgula,
how long were
you spokes-vampire

288
00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:48,785
for Motherloving's
breakfast cereals?

289
00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:50,913
Twenty of
your mortal years,

290
00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:54,500
but I had to quit when
my fangs succumbed
to gingivitis.

291
00:13:54,584 --> 00:13:57,628
Now all my victims
have to be mashed up.

292
00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,087
ALL: Aw.

293
00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:01,548
Your Honor, I admit
it looks bad for me,

294
00:14:01,633 --> 00:14:03,133
but I think you might be
turned around

295
00:14:03,218 --> 00:14:05,928
by some surprising
taste-imony.

296
00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:14,186
Sir, this is
a house of justice,
not a sugar shack.

297
00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:16,730
It's Hershey
highwaymen like you
who made me fat.

298
00:14:16,814 --> 00:14:19,399
Well, Your Honor,
the court carries it well.

299
00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:22,611
Silence! I rule in favor
of Marge Simpson!

300
00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:24,821
ALL: Yay!

301
00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:27,699
Oh, I am so proud
of you.

302
00:14:27,784 --> 00:14:30,536
And thanks to
Marge Simpson's
damning evidence,

303
00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:34,957
I hereby ban
all sugar products
from Springfield forever.

304
00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:36,625
Get in the car.

305
00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:39,878
Good evening.
Our top story,

306
00:14:39,963 --> 00:14:42,422
Springfield's cake-hole
has been shut forever.

307
00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:44,758
Under what has been dubbed
"Marge's Law,"

308
00:14:44,842 --> 00:14:46,885
all forms of sugar
are now illegal.

309
00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:50,055
Thank you,
Erin Choco-snitch!

310
00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:51,181
That was
a group effort.

311
00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:54,935
I was just trying to make this
a healthier place to live.

312
00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:58,105
Well, good work,
Blue-hair-in-Brocko-witch.

313
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,191
Okay, that was mine.

314
00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:03,443
So, say a bittersweet
farewell

315
00:15:03,528 --> 00:15:05,445
to such old friends
as mud pies,

316
00:15:05,530 --> 00:15:08,240
Bite 'Ems, Eclairios,
Chew 'Ems,
Kellogg's All-Fudge,

317
00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:10,409
Big Red Snack Foam,
Milk Chuds, Eat 'Ems.

318
00:15:10,493 --> 00:15:14,663
And all sugar pills
will be changed back to
highly concentrated opiates.

319
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:16,999
(I WANT CANDY PLAYING)

320
00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:22,170
That's it, boys!
Burn it all!

321
00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:25,465
Even this
promotional Johnny Depp
from the movie Chocolat?

322
00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:28,844
We melted for him.
Now he's gonna do likewise.

323
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:35,434
All right.
Time to throw in
the Butterfingers.

324
00:15:40,815 --> 00:15:42,441
Hmm.
It's not even singed.

325
00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:44,484
Even the fire
doesn't want them.

326
00:15:44,569 --> 00:15:45,944
(MOANING)

327
00:15:46,029 --> 00:15:48,864
Sugar! Need sugar!

328
00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:52,492
Aye. They're not riding
the white horse anymore.

329
00:15:52,744 --> 00:15:55,120
My baby!
Where's my baby?

330
00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:56,872
(WIND BLOWING)

331
00:15:58,041 --> 00:15:59,291
(WHIMPERING)

332
00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:01,627
Nothing left!
Nothing left!

333
00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:05,380
Ooh. A sticky spot!

334
00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:09,635
Mr. Simpson,
you're licking blood
and VapoRub.

335
00:16:10,887 --> 00:16:12,679
Part of me knew that.

336
00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:15,599
(CLEARING THROAT)

337
00:16:15,683 --> 00:16:17,392
There is a small group
committed

338
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:19,478
to bringing sugar
back to this town

339
00:16:19,562 --> 00:16:22,064
by any means necessary.

340
00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:24,316
I'm with you all the way.
But first...

341
00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:42,793
HOMER: Cool.

342
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:53,512
Gentlemen, I have
found the final member
of our cabal.

343
00:16:53,596 --> 00:16:56,932
Count Fudgula?
I thought you wanted
to get off the stuff?

344
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:59,351
I'm a monster!
Don't look at me!

345
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,019
(HISSING)

346
00:17:01,104 --> 00:17:04,564
Homer, we need you
to help us smuggle in sugar
from south of the border.

347
00:17:04,649 --> 00:17:06,191
Oh, you mean Tennessee?

348
00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:09,903
No, the island
of San Glucose.

349
00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:12,531
(LAUGHING MALICIOUSLY)

350
00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:16,368
(SIGHS)

351
00:17:16,452 --> 00:17:17,703
Good times.

352
00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:26,545
Is it really worth
risking your lives
just for some sugar?

353
00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:30,173
MARGE: Dessert's on!
I steamed some limes!

354
00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:31,299
Godspeed.

355
00:17:33,469 --> 00:17:35,637
There is the island.

356
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:36,847
It's go time.

357
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:40,809
(THUD)

358
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:42,602
(GROANING)

359
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:45,480
(THUD)

360
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:46,815
(GROANING) Oh.

361
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:49,317
I'm only doing this
one more time!

362
00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:56,241
How's he doing?

363
00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:58,326
I think he's grossed out
by some seaweed.

364
00:17:58,411 --> 00:17:59,494
HOMER: Ew!

365
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,246
I touched it! Over.

366
00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:03,623
Get a grip, Simpson.
You're doing fine.

367
00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:05,959
Now, do you have your map?

368
00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:07,377
Kind of.

369
00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:09,171
(CAWING)

370
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:10,964
Come on! Give it!

371
00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:13,008
I know.
I'll try reverse psychology.

372
00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:16,928
I don't want
that stupid map.

373
00:18:17,013 --> 00:18:18,472
(GASPS) D'oh!

374
00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:23,351
Okay, man, here's the sugar.
Now, you give us the money.

375
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,771
(LAUGHING) That wasn't
part of the deal.

376
00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:28,190
He's right!
Who wrote this thing?

377
00:18:33,571 --> 00:18:35,155
Well, we're almost home.

378
00:18:35,239 --> 00:18:38,200
Has everyone keistered
their personal supply?

379
00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:42,662
'Cause I sure haven't.

380
00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:44,206
CHIEF WIGGUM: (OVER BULLHORN)
Hold it right there!

381
00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:48,293
Surrender or
prepare to be sunk!

382
00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:51,671
No way!
We'll defy you
to the death!

383
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:55,425
Stroke, stroke, stroke!

384
00:18:55,510 --> 00:18:58,428
(PANTING) I'm rowing
as fast as I can, sir!

385
00:18:58,721 --> 00:19:00,639
No! I'm having one.

386
00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:03,475
Remember what I told you
about running away
from your troubles?

387
00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:04,851
Yeah.
Let's do it!

388
00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:06,728
(MOTOR WHIRRING)

389
00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:24,454
My baby!

390
00:19:31,254 --> 00:19:33,922
I like to think we've
made a difference today.

391
00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:38,260
Good work, Simpson.

392
00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:39,803
Before I bring
the sugar in,

393
00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:42,013
I want to see
the Oompa Loompa.

394
00:19:42,098 --> 00:19:43,932
He's right over there.

395
00:19:45,643 --> 00:19:49,437
That guy is freaky.
Well, here's your sugar.

396
00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:52,190
No, Homer!

397
00:19:52,275 --> 00:19:53,859
You'll be condemning
this town

398
00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:56,736
to a life of obesity
and diabetes!

399
00:19:57,655 --> 00:19:58,822
Don't listen to her,
Homer!

400
00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:01,199
Oh, they both make
such good arguments!

401
00:20:01,284 --> 00:20:05,453
Please, Homie.
Dump the sugar. For me.

402
00:20:17,091 --> 00:20:19,134
(BEEPING)

403
00:20:22,305 --> 00:20:24,639
Sugar is pouring
into the water!

404
00:20:25,808 --> 00:20:27,225
(LAUGHING)

405
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,648
Aye, 'tis a sugary brine.

406
00:20:34,525 --> 00:20:35,567
Mmm.

407
00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:39,905
This sugar shark is delicious.
Ow! Hey, he bit me back!

408
00:20:39,989 --> 00:20:41,031
Oh.

409
00:20:41,115 --> 00:20:42,449
So that's how
it's gonna be, huh?

410
00:20:42,825 --> 00:20:44,743
Gee, everyone looks
so happy.

411
00:20:44,827 --> 00:20:47,370
Indeed, Marge.
And now that
I think of it,

412
00:20:47,455 --> 00:20:49,247
I wildly exceeded
my authority,

413
00:20:49,332 --> 00:20:51,499
and I declare
the sugar ban over!

414
00:20:53,336 --> 00:20:54,377
Can we, Mom? Can we?
Can we, Mom? Can we?

415
00:20:54,462 --> 00:20:55,795
Please, please, please?
Please, please, please?

416
00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:56,922
Oh.

417
00:20:57,006 --> 00:20:59,674
All right,
but take Maggie with you.

418
00:21:06,057 --> 00:21:07,098
Mmm.

419
00:21:07,183 --> 00:21:09,809
I guess you just can't
use the law to nag.

420
00:21:09,894 --> 00:21:13,188
Maybe I should
just stop trying
to change the world.

421
00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:16,107
No, Marge.
I love when you do that.

422
00:21:16,692 --> 00:21:20,028
You're a regular
Caring-a-lot-ovich.

423
00:21:20,988 --> 00:21:22,739
That's the best one.

424
00:21:22,823 --> 00:21:24,282
That's what I told Lisa.

425
00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:28,912
(SUGAR SUGAR PLAYING)

426
00:21:28,996 --> 00:21:30,288
Sugar

427
00:21:30,373 --> 00:21:32,707
Ah, honey, honey

428
00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:34,918
Hey, I found some pearls.

429
00:21:35,002 --> 00:21:36,419
No, wait.
They're just my teeth.

430
00:21:36,796 --> 00:21:39,798
Well, I can still
make a necklace
out of them.

431
00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:44,886
Honey

432
00:21:45,888 --> 00:21:48,390
Ah, sugar, sugar

433
00:21:49,976 --> 00:21:53,144
You are my candy girl

434
00:21:53,396 --> 00:21:56,564
And you got me wanting you

435
00:21:58,693 --> 00:22:02,445
I just can't believe
the loveliness of loving you

436
00:22:02,571 --> 00:22:05,782
I just can't believe it's true

437
00:22:06,409 --> 00:22:10,120
I just can't believe
the wonder of
this feeling, too

438
00:22:10,204 --> 00:22:13,289
I just can't believe it's true

439
00:22:13,374 --> 00:22:15,625
Ah, sugar

440
00:22:16,711 --> 00:22:19,921
Ah, honey, honey

441
00:22:20,798 --> 00:22:24,092
You are my candy girl...

442
00:22:32,351 --> 00:22:33,351
English - US - PSDH