1
00:00:03,754 --> 00:00:07,548
(SINGING) The Simpsons

2
00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:12,345
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

3
00:00:13,639 --> 00:00:15,306
(HORN BELLOWING)

4
00:00:26,110 --> 00:00:28,945
(PLAYING DIFFERENT TUNE)

5
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:35,284
(TIRES SCREECHING)

6
00:00:36,787 --> 00:00:37,912
D'oh!

7
00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:39,497
(SCREAMS)

8
00:00:41,083 --> 00:00:42,458
(WHIMPERING)

9
00:00:42,626 --> 00:00:44,293
(SOBBING)

10
00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:56,639
(DREAM PLAYING)

11
00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:59,225
Dream

12
00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:01,644
Dream, dream, dream

13
00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:03,563
Dream

14
00:01:03,647 --> 00:01:06,441
Ooh, Jar Jar,
everyone hates you but me.

15
00:01:06,525 --> 00:01:07,525
(CHUCKLING)

16
00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:08,901
(KISSING)

17
00:01:08,986 --> 00:01:11,946
In my arms when I want you

18
00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:14,073
(RUMBLING)

19
00:01:14,158 --> 00:01:16,784
(HOMER SNORING)

20
00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:22,957
(EXCLAIMING
IN FRUSTRATION)

21
00:01:36,138 --> 00:01:37,930
(SNORING CONTINUES)

22
00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:52,361
Cool! Mom's on drugs.

23
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,822
If we turn her in,
we can get a form letter
from Dick Cheney.

24
00:01:54,907 --> 00:01:56,949
She's not on drugs.
She couldn't sleep

25
00:01:57,034 --> 00:01:58,993
because of Dad's
chronic snoring.

26
00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:01,996
I'm taking him
to Dr. Hibbert's
this afternoon.

27
00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:05,875
You know how hard it is
to get a doctor
on Wednesday morning.

28
00:02:07,586 --> 00:02:09,212
(LAUGHING)

29
00:02:10,422 --> 00:02:11,547
Yah!

30
00:02:14,551 --> 00:02:15,968
I haven't lost
so much sleep

31
00:02:16,053 --> 00:02:18,262
since little Bartie
had the scoots.

32
00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:21,641
Well,
there's a surgical option,
but it's not cheap.

33
00:02:22,226 --> 00:02:24,060
Here's what it costs.

34
00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:27,104
Interesting.
Here's my counteroffer.

35
00:02:29,775 --> 00:02:31,692
(LAUGHING)

36
00:02:31,777 --> 00:02:33,027
Get out.

37
00:02:33,362 --> 00:02:35,321
(HOMER SNORING)

38
00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:46,958
(GROANS)

39
00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:57,802
(GRUNTING)

40
00:02:57,886 --> 00:02:58,886
(HORN HONKING)

41
00:02:58,971 --> 00:03:00,346
I'll get it!

42
00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:01,848
(SCREAMING)

43
00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:04,267
(TIRES SCREECHING)

44
00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:05,434
(SCREAMING)

45
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:07,228
(HORN BLOWING)

46
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,063
Pedals, people!

47
00:03:11,275 --> 00:03:13,943
So Lisa,
do you have a date
for the harvest dance?

48
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,653
This is not a good time!

49
00:03:15,737 --> 00:03:17,697
It's never a good time!

50
00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:25,955
Overnight bag,
no husband in sight!
It's happened!

51
00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:29,083
She left Homer?
I'll get the Champale.

52
00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:31,002
And let's get
that ring off.

53
00:03:31,587 --> 00:03:34,255
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, Delilah.

54
00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:36,632
I didn't leave Homer,
and I never will.

55
00:03:37,301 --> 00:03:40,219
I just need one night away
from his snoring.

56
00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:45,224
Great. We'll have
a girls night.

57
00:03:45,309 --> 00:03:46,475
No bras!

58
00:03:49,813 --> 00:03:52,273
(WOMEN LAUGHING)

59
00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:56,861
Let's catch the tail end
of Nooky in New York.

60
00:03:57,154 --> 00:03:58,529
Nooky in New York?

61
00:03:58,614 --> 00:04:03,576
It's a cable show
about four single women
who act like gay men.

62
00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:05,369
That sounds great!

63
00:04:08,665 --> 00:04:11,626
If I'm not having sex
by the end of this
goat cheese quesadilla,

64
00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:12,793
I'm gonna scream.

65
00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:14,295
I also enjoy sex.

66
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:17,506
Since this morning,
I've had sex with
a New York Knick,

67
00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:20,384
two subway cops
and a guy who works
on Wall Street.

68
00:04:20,469 --> 00:04:21,594
Broker?

69
00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:22,720
Nah, she's just
really sore.

70
00:04:22,846 --> 00:04:24,639
(LAUGHING)

71
00:04:26,642 --> 00:04:29,060
This is so like our lives.

72
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:32,271
It's like
they hid a camera
in our apartment.

73
00:04:32,356 --> 00:04:35,232
TV ANNOUNCER:
Coming up next
on BHO, it's Arli$$.

74
00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:36,609
BOTH: Ah!

75
00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:38,653
Gentlemen,
start your envy!

76
00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:39,779
(CHUCKLING)

77
00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:43,157
Men's World Magazine
has listed the 100
richest men in the country,

78
00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:44,825
and coming in
at number five

79
00:04:44,910 --> 00:04:46,827
is Springfield native
Artie Ziff.

80
00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:47,954
Ooh.

81
00:04:48,038 --> 00:04:50,289
Whoa! Your old boyfriend.

82
00:04:50,374 --> 00:04:52,375
Please.
We went out once.

83
00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:55,795
Artie made mega bucks with
a revolutionary invention,

84
00:04:55,879 --> 00:04:58,756
a converter that changes
that horrible modem noise
into easy listening music.

85
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,967
(ELECTRONIC NOISE)

86
00:05:01,051 --> 00:05:02,843
(MUSIC PLAYING)

87
00:05:02,928 --> 00:05:05,054
Also available
with lyrics.

88
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:06,347
(ARTIE SINGING TO THE TUNE
OF GEORGIE GIRL)

89
00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:08,349
Hey, computer geek

90
00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:11,227
You will be
connected in no time

91
00:05:11,395 --> 00:05:12,687
What a catch.

92
00:05:12,771 --> 00:05:15,356
Why didn't you sink
your claws into him
at the prom?

93
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,274
Yeah. He was warm
for your form.

94
00:05:17,359 --> 00:05:19,902
Well, he seemed like
a sweet little shrimp.

95
00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:24,073
But then he turned
into an octopus.

96
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:25,533
Artie! Artie, no!
Stop!

97
00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:29,078
Marge. Marge, you know
you can't resist
my busy hands.

98
00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:31,288
Artie, get off of me!

99
00:05:32,958 --> 00:05:35,126
Well, I think you should
get in touch with him,

100
00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:38,546
you know, just to
congratulate him
on his success.

101
00:05:40,132 --> 00:05:43,843
Well, I suppose
I could write him
a letter.

102
00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:46,637
Are you nuts?
E-mail, female.

103
00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:49,932
You just tell us
what you want to say.

104
00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:51,475
(CHUCKLING)

105
00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:54,520
Okay, hold onto your hats.

106
00:05:54,730 --> 00:05:55,730
(SLURPING)

107
00:05:55,814 --> 00:05:57,023
Dear Artie.

108
00:05:57,107 --> 00:05:58,816
Dear Hottie.

109
00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:02,611
Congratulations
on your recent
TV appearance.

110
00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:06,449
I want to sex you up.
Your love slave, Marge.

111
00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:10,161
(GASPS) You can't
use the word "sex"
on the Internet.

112
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,620
Watch me!

113
00:06:12,831 --> 00:06:14,415
(GASPS)

114
00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:18,711
(BUZZING)

115
00:06:26,178 --> 00:06:28,804
Anti-trust suit.
Anti-trust suit...

116
00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:30,556
(YAWNS)

117
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,641
A note from
Marge Simpson?

118
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:35,311
Well, isn't that
a coincidence?

119
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:36,937
I was just
thinking about her.

120
00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:40,066
For the last 20 years.

121
00:06:46,031 --> 00:06:47,782
(HUMMING)

122
00:06:49,785 --> 00:06:51,786
LISA: Mom,
did you sleep well
at your sisters'?

123
00:06:51,870 --> 00:06:53,245
Mmm-hmm.

124
00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:56,791
HOMER: Whoo!
Mmm.

125
00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:58,042
MARGE: For you.

126
00:06:58,126 --> 00:06:59,126
Ooh!

127
00:06:59,211 --> 00:07:02,296
Here's to a happy,
well-rested Marge.

128
00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:04,465
(HELICOPTER HOVERING)

129
00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:08,302
Hey, a helicopter's
landing on our lawn.

130
00:07:08,386 --> 00:07:09,678
Let's approach
with caution.

131
00:07:13,225 --> 00:07:15,101
(LAUGHING)

132
00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:18,771
Unguarded breakfasts.
The sweetest taboo.

133
00:07:20,982 --> 00:07:22,691
(GASPS)
Ooh.

134
00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:28,114
Well, well,
Marge Bouvier.

135
00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:29,406
Artie Ziff?

136
00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:31,200
Oh.

137
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:33,869
That e-mail. Look,
I got a little drunk
and we were...

138
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:36,288
I'm not surprised
you want me back
in your life.

139
00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:38,791
You can't spell party
without Artie,

140
00:07:38,875 --> 00:07:41,377
if you misspell party.
Or Artie.

141
00:07:42,254 --> 00:07:43,254
How you doing?

142
00:07:43,338 --> 00:07:44,672
Look, it's great
to see you,

143
00:07:44,756 --> 00:07:47,383
but you should know
I'm happily married.

144
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,385
Married?
Was it consummated?

145
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:50,845
Pretty much, yeah.

146
00:07:53,390 --> 00:07:54,598
What's going on?

147
00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:56,642
Homer, don't talk
with your mouth full.

148
00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:58,811
I've told you before,
it's rude!

149
00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:01,897
Oh-ho.
Trouble in paradise.

150
00:08:02,858 --> 00:08:06,318
Hey, Marge!
It's that guy who
couldn't get any off you!

151
00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:09,280
How would you all like
to take a ride with me?

152
00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:10,573
You're the old flame.

153
00:08:14,411 --> 00:08:17,663
Homer, Marge,
I have a rather
delicate proposition.

154
00:08:17,956 --> 00:08:19,039
Spill it, moneybags.

155
00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:20,207
(LAUGHS)

156
00:08:20,292 --> 00:08:22,585
Yes, I do have
everything,

157
00:08:23,086 --> 00:08:25,921
but yet I often wonder
what life with Marge
would've been like.

158
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:28,507
It's like being married
to my best friend,

159
00:08:28,592 --> 00:08:30,301
and he lets me
feel his boobs.

160
00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:31,552
(CHUCKLING)

161
00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:32,803
Homie!

162
00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:35,472
Homer, I will
give you $1, 000,000

163
00:08:35,557 --> 00:08:37,433
to let me spend
a weekend alone

164
00:08:37,809 --> 00:08:39,059
with your wife.

165
00:08:39,144 --> 00:08:40,352
(GASPS)

166
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:43,022
Mmm. A million dollars.
Wait a minute.

167
00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:46,692
How much sex
would be involved?
Because if it's some...

168
00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:50,362
No, no, no.
All I want is
to show her

169
00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:53,073
what life would be like
had she chosen me.

170
00:08:53,408 --> 00:08:55,242
Artie, that's a sick idea.

171
00:08:55,327 --> 00:08:56,952
Come on, Homer.
We're leaving.

172
00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:04,043
Just think about it!

173
00:09:04,127 --> 00:09:05,669
You'll win her yet, Artie.

174
00:09:06,004 --> 00:09:08,797
I mean, Arr-tie!

175
00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:13,969
Hey, where's
our parents?

176
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:16,305
(SNORING)

177
00:09:18,308 --> 00:09:20,226
Hey, Marge,
I just thought
of something.

178
00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:21,435
What?

179
00:09:21,645 --> 00:09:24,813
If we had Artie's money,
I could get that
snoring surgery.

180
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:28,734
Plus at least two of
those other surgeries
I desperately need.

181
00:09:29,653 --> 00:09:33,447
No way, no how.
I'll get used
to the snoring.

182
00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:37,159
Just like I got
used to saying
"Courteney Cox-Arquette."

183
00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:41,622
Besides, I like
some of the noises
you make in bed.

184
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:43,999
(NERVOUS CHUCKLE)

185
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:48,003
One squeaking
spring symphony
coming up.

186
00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:50,965
(BOTH MOANING)

187
00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:57,513
Wow! Homer,
that was amazing!

188
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:58,931
Yeah, I...

189
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:00,933
(SNORING)

190
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,230
(SNORING CONTINUES)

191
00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:11,527
Honey, did you
get any sleep?

192
00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:14,989
Oh, I'm so sorry.

193
00:10:15,073 --> 00:10:16,824
(SNORING)

194
00:10:17,867 --> 00:10:20,369
Are you snoring
while you're awake?

195
00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:22,371
(SNORING) Huh?

196
00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:28,544
You need that surgery.
We'll have to call Artie.

197
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:33,882
Okay, Ziff. You get her
for the weekend,
but no funny stuff.

198
00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:37,177
And by funny stuff,
I mean hand-holding,

199
00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:39,638
goo-goo eyes,
misdirected woo,

200
00:10:39,723 --> 00:10:41,974
which is pretty much
any John Woo film.

201
00:10:42,058 --> 00:10:43,642
Your wife's
virtues shall remain

202
00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:46,478
as untouched as
Bill Gates' weight room.

203
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:53,360
Remember, Homie,
I'm doing this for us.
See you on Monday,

204
00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:13,088
This round's on me, Moe!
I got a big payday coming.

205
00:11:13,423 --> 00:11:16,425
Yeah.
Homer sold his wife
for a million bucks.

206
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:21,263
I didn't sell her.
I just rented her
to an old boyfriend.

207
00:11:21,639 --> 00:11:23,140
Gee, a million bucks.

208
00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:27,561
That's gonna buy him
a lot of swings
in the old batting cage.

209
00:11:27,645 --> 00:11:28,812
(CHUCKLING)

210
00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:30,606
Looks like
everyone's a winner.

211
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,608
Marge gets
a great new life...

212
00:11:32,776 --> 00:11:35,486
And you get
more sprawl space
on the bed.

213
00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:38,781
Wait. You really think
Marge is gonna fall
for this guy?

214
00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:41,200
Even after I bought her
that hockey fight tape?

215
00:11:41,284 --> 00:11:43,202
I'd dump your ass.
Me, too.

216
00:11:43,286 --> 00:11:45,037
Yeah, I can't get Artie
out of my head.

217
00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:47,206
He's like a spy
in the house of Moe.

218
00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:51,293
Oh, God, you're right.
I gotta get her back
before it's too late!

219
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:01,762
Hello, Artie.

220
00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:04,515
Where are you
taking me?

221
00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:06,600
We're taking
a trip through time.

222
00:12:06,768 --> 00:12:07,810
Forwards?

223
00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:08,936
No.

224
00:12:09,813 --> 00:12:12,689
Backwards!
To the sexy '70s!

225
00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:17,277
Oh, my God!
Artie, it's our senior prom.

226
00:12:17,362 --> 00:12:19,655
(DISCO INFERNO PLAYING)

227
00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:22,491
(SINGING) Burn, baby, burn

228
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:26,328
I can't believe
he's paying us

229
00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:29,123
a thousand bucks to
pretend it's the '70s.

230
00:12:29,207 --> 00:12:32,334
Disco Stu is
working pro bono.

231
00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:37,881
Marge, many years ago
I turned a groovy night
into a complete bummer.

232
00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:41,009
Tonight you get the prom
you always deserved.

233
00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:45,222
(SINGING) Precious and few
are the moments
we two can share

234
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:47,558
That's very sweet, Artie.

235
00:12:47,642 --> 00:12:49,476
Come, dear.
We can dance all night.

236
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:53,522
The band hasn't worked
since the wrap party
for James at 16.

237
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,566
Some say they're cursed.

238
00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:01,196
(WHIMPERING)

239
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:02,364
(MUTTERING)

240
00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:09,663
Oh, my God,
it's our high school prom!

241
00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:11,707
And once again
I have no date!

242
00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:13,625
Simpson!

243
00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:14,751
Hello, Dondelinger.

244
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:17,838
You're not on
the guest list, Simpson.
Orders of Prom King Ziff.

245
00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:18,964
(SNIFFING)

246
00:13:19,048 --> 00:13:20,090
And have you
been drinking?

247
00:13:20,175 --> 00:13:21,967
Just for 25 years.

248
00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:23,343
Let's go, mister.

249
00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:24,720
Oh.

250
00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:27,973
(GUESTS APPLAUDING)

251
00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:30,934
You're very sweet,
but no fake prom

252
00:13:31,019 --> 00:13:32,728
could make me
forget my husband.

253
00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:34,396
I'm sorry.

254
00:13:35,773 --> 00:13:38,275
Very well, Marge.
I see you'll never feel

255
00:13:38,359 --> 00:13:41,069
about moi the way
I feel about toi,

256
00:13:41,196 --> 00:13:42,696
but before
the evening ends,

257
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:46,033
may I request
an innocent peck
on the cheek?

258
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:47,409
Okay.

259
00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:52,915
(GRUNTING)

260
00:13:56,252 --> 00:14:00,756
Oh, no!
If Marge marries Artie,
I'll never be born!

261
00:14:01,132 --> 00:14:03,091
(SOBBING)

262
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:13,310
Get off me,
you little nerd!

263
00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:14,603
(GROANS)

264
00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:20,567
I knew this weekend
was just an excuse
to get in my mouth.

265
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:24,530
Keep your money.
I'm going home.

266
00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:34,039
Stop looking at me!
Keep dancing!

267
00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:35,582
Don't you know
how to dance?

268
00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:37,167
Watch me!

269
00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:45,133
(DRUMS PLAYING SOLO)

270
00:14:47,345 --> 00:14:50,013
Aw! He's gonna
sleep tonight.

271
00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:56,812
Oh, guys, it was horrible.
I saw Marge kissing
a far superior man.

272
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,772
Well, if it makes
you feel any better,

273
00:14:58,856 --> 00:15:00,315
he's probably
doing her right now.

274
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,067
(SOBBING)

275
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:04,653
Oh, yeah.
Make me the bad guy.

276
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,572
My life here is over.

277
00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:11,785
Lenny, how'd you like
to leave town with me
and never come back?

278
00:15:11,869 --> 00:15:13,412
Sounds like a plan.

279
00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:14,580
Then it's settled.

280
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:17,124
We leave Springfield
forever.

281
00:15:18,543 --> 00:15:20,085
What'd I miss?
Anything good?

282
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:27,634
That's $912.

283
00:15:27,802 --> 00:15:29,970
Send the bill to
Baron Von Kiss-a-lot.

284
00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:31,179
No problemo.

285
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:33,599
(BIRD SCREECHING)

286
00:15:34,559 --> 00:15:36,810
(IN GERMAN ACCENT)
This just arrived,
Herr Baron.

287
00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:39,354
Okay, who's the wise guy?

288
00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:45,027
Oh, Homie,
I'm so glad to see...
A tape on the bed?

289
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:52,993
Marge,
if you're watching this

290
00:15:53,077 --> 00:15:54,202
then it means
I've figured out

291
00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:59,625
how to work the camera.
Last night I crashed
a certain fake prom.

292
00:16:00,043 --> 00:16:02,836
That's right.
Artie Ziff's fake prom.

293
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:03,962
(GASPS)

294
00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:05,464
Homer was there?

295
00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:08,216
I saw something terrible
and I can't even say it.

296
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:11,136
So I'll have these
two dolls do it for me.

297
00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:13,430
(IN A HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
Kiss me, Artie.

298
00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:14,931
(IN A DEEPER VOICE)
With pleasure.

299
00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:17,059
Homer's a big jerk.

300
00:16:18,895 --> 00:16:20,646
Ooh.

301
00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:22,439
But I can explain!

302
00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:23,857
I'm leaving you, Marge.

303
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:27,110
The next time you see
my name will be in
the hobo obituaries.

304
00:16:27,195 --> 00:16:30,739
Don't worry about the kids.
I'll drop them off
with Patty and Selma.

305
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:33,241
BART: Patty and Selma?
Screw that!

306
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:34,910
Just run the camera,
you little...

307
00:16:36,079 --> 00:16:37,079
(CHOKING)

308
00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:38,163
(SOBBING)

309
00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:40,040
Goodbye, my darling.

310
00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:58,850
Oh.

311
00:16:58,935 --> 00:17:02,145
It's no good. Everything
reminds me of Marge.

312
00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:10,028
I know what
you're going through.

313
00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:12,280
We're coming up
on Mount Carlmore.

314
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:17,202
I carved that
one wonderful summer.

315
00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:18,453
What did Carl think?

316
00:17:18,955 --> 00:17:20,914
You know,
we've never discussed it.

317
00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:40,475
Do you have any jobs for
a man who wants to die?

318
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:41,601
Something indoorsy.

319
00:17:41,686 --> 00:17:43,353
Close to a bathroom?

320
00:17:43,646 --> 00:17:47,607
I'll put you on rig 13
as soon as they
burn off the corpses.

321
00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:50,819
This job
will be perfect.

322
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:53,113
I'm gonna leave this world
the way I entered it,

323
00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:56,533
dirty, screaming,
and torn away from
the woman I love.

324
00:17:56,617 --> 00:17:59,870
(LAUGHING) Oh.
Quick and pointless.
That's the death for me.

325
00:18:00,163 --> 00:18:02,497
Thank you.
You've been very helpful.

326
00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:04,916
Dad just got a library card
in West Springfield.

327
00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:06,626
He checked out
10 books on oil rigging

328
00:18:06,711 --> 00:18:08,170
and a book called
Dying for Dummies.

329
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:09,921
(GASPING) He must have
taken a job

330
00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:11,923
in the West Springfield
oil patch.

331
00:18:12,008 --> 00:18:13,383
That's practically
a death sentence!

332
00:18:13,468 --> 00:18:14,468
(ALL GASPING)

333
00:18:14,552 --> 00:18:17,763
What happened now?
Homer bowled a 300 game?

334
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:20,807
Grampa, that happened
a year and a half ago.

335
00:18:20,892 --> 00:18:22,976
We have to
go save Homer.

336
00:18:23,311 --> 00:18:26,021
But West Springfield's
three times the size
of Texas.

337
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:28,190
We'll never
find him there.

338
00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:30,692
Unless...

339
00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:36,948
I really appreciate you
helping me find Homer.

340
00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:38,366
Think nothing of it,
Marge.

341
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:40,076
I hope we can
always be friends.

342
00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:41,161
Of course.

343
00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:42,370
With privileges?

344
00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:44,331
Mmm? Mmm?

345
00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:47,083
Does that work on anyone?

346
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:48,502
No.

347
00:18:48,878 --> 00:18:51,004
But when it does,
hello!

348
00:18:54,217 --> 00:18:55,842
(GRUNTING)

349
00:19:00,056 --> 00:19:02,474
Another oil well
successfully capped.

350
00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:04,601
Let's raise our
goggles in triumph.

351
00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:11,483
(SQUEALING)

352
00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:15,111
(ALL SQUEALING)

353
00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:19,407
(ANTS EXCLAIMING
IN RELIEF)

354
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:20,992
(ANTS SCREAMING)

355
00:19:22,745 --> 00:19:26,081
Oh, no! This is how
Faceless Joe lost his legs!

356
00:19:32,922 --> 00:19:36,132
Looks like we're goners.
Oh, well. Circle of life.

357
00:19:36,217 --> 00:19:37,592
(HELICOPTER HOVERING)

358
00:19:39,554 --> 00:19:40,720
Marge!

359
00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:45,016
Climb up!

360
00:19:47,562 --> 00:19:49,521
Ain't you coming,
Homer?
Why?

361
00:19:49,605 --> 00:19:51,690
So I can watch
my wife spend
the rest of her life

362
00:19:51,774 --> 00:19:53,567
in the arms
of another man?

363
00:19:53,651 --> 00:19:55,944
I don't think so.
Good day!

364
00:19:56,112 --> 00:19:57,279
But Homer...

365
00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:58,947
We said good day!

366
00:20:05,830 --> 00:20:08,039
Listen to me, Homer!
You've won!

367
00:20:08,124 --> 00:20:11,960
You own Marge's heart,
and that's something
I could never buy.

368
00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:13,670
Woo-hoo!

369
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:17,173
There's nothing on
that helicopter for me.

370
00:20:17,258 --> 00:20:18,717
Don't be so sure.

371
00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:20,010
(GASPS)

372
00:20:20,094 --> 00:20:21,887
Carl Carlson?

373
00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:31,479
Artie, thanks for
saving my life.

374
00:20:32,273 --> 00:20:34,608
Now, I believe
there's the little matter
of the million dollars.

375
00:20:34,692 --> 00:20:36,526
We can't
take his money.

376
00:20:36,611 --> 00:20:39,321
Oh. (SNORTS)
I can't take his money.

377
00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:43,158
I can't print my own money.
I have to work for money.

378
00:20:43,326 --> 00:20:45,785
Why don't I just
lie down and die?

379
00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:47,412
Now, Homer,
if there's one thing

380
00:20:47,496 --> 00:20:49,414
you should've
learned from all this,

381
00:20:49,498 --> 00:20:53,043
it's that I'm rich,
rich, rich! And now,

382
00:20:55,004 --> 00:20:57,714
I bid you adieu!

383
00:21:00,343 --> 00:21:02,677
I'm Artie Ziff!

384
00:21:04,972 --> 00:21:07,140
I gotta hand it
to Artie Ziff, Marge.

385
00:21:07,224 --> 00:21:09,517
That little nerd
saved my life.

386
00:21:09,852 --> 00:21:11,227
And our marriage.

387
00:21:11,312 --> 00:21:14,397
With his latest invention,
the snore converter.

388
00:21:16,317 --> 00:21:17,943
Goodnight, Homie.

389
00:21:19,028 --> 00:21:20,654
Goodnight, honey.

390
00:21:21,656 --> 00:21:23,031
(SNORING)

391
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:26,368
(SWEET DREAMS MUSIC PLAYING)

392
00:21:31,749 --> 00:21:34,292
ARTIE: He's a loser, Marge.
Dump him!

393
00:21:34,377 --> 00:21:37,712
ARTIE: (SINGING)
I travel the world
and the seven seas

394
00:21:38,214 --> 00:21:41,508
I am watching you
through a camera!

395
00:22:34,270 --> 00:22:35,270
English - US - PSDH