1
00:00:04,254 --> 00:00:07,632
(SINGING) The Simpsons

2
00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:19,769
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

3
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:26,275
(HORN BELLOWING)

4
00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:41,332
(PLAYING DIFFERENT TUNE)

5
00:00:47,631 --> 00:00:48,965
(TIRES SCREECHING)

6
00:00:59,977 --> 00:01:01,227
(HONKING)

7
00:01:02,146 --> 00:01:03,479
(TIRES SCREECHING)

8
00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:06,315
D'oh!

9
00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:07,483
(SCREAMS)

10
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:08,818
(BRAKES SCREECHING)

11
00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:24,000
(ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING)

12
00:01:45,189 --> 00:01:48,024
Give up, Mr. Simpson!
We know you have
the Olympic torch!

13
00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:51,277
For God sakes, Homer!
Give them back their flame!

14
00:01:51,361 --> 00:01:55,072
No! The Olympics have
preempted my favorite shows
for the last time.

15
00:01:55,157 --> 00:01:57,617
You can always find
your favorite shows
next month.

16
00:01:57,701 --> 00:02:00,453
You wait till next month!
You wait till next month!

17
00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:03,456
(GROANING) Every four years.

18
00:02:04,583 --> 00:02:05,875
(GRUNTS)

19
00:02:06,502 --> 00:02:08,127
We've recovered the flame!

20
00:02:08,212 --> 00:02:11,047
(GASPS) It's beautiful.

21
00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:13,049
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)

22
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,012
Are you okay?

23
00:02:18,096 --> 00:02:19,263
Yeah, I'm fine.

24
00:02:20,516 --> 00:02:26,145
(SCREAMING) No!

25
00:02:28,023 --> 00:02:30,274
(SIGHING) I'm bored.

26
00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:31,901
Hey, a fair!

27
00:02:32,027 --> 00:02:33,277
(TIRES SCREECHING)

28
00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:35,988
Springfield
Preparatory School?

29
00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:39,367
Dad, you told me
there were no private
schools in Springfield.

30
00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:41,953
But knowing about it
would make you
want to go here.

31
00:02:42,037 --> 00:02:44,372
Hello and thank you
for coming
to our fundraiser.

32
00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:47,250
I'm headmaster
St. John Van Hookstratten.

33
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:49,877
10-4, Princess.
Is that your beer tent?

34
00:02:49,962 --> 00:02:51,712
(EXCLAIMS)
Monkeys point.

35
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,965
(SNIFFLING) Monkeys cry.

36
00:02:54,049 --> 00:02:56,467
(POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE
PLAYING)

37
00:02:58,762 --> 00:03:01,848
This campus is so
lush and verdant.

38
00:03:01,932 --> 00:03:05,935
Yes. You probably recognize
it from the film
Calling All Coeds.

39
00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:09,021
Oh! Is that where
Boozer drank the pee?

40
00:03:09,106 --> 00:03:11,107
It's one of the places.

41
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:13,234
(HOMER EXCLAIMING EXCITEDLY)

42
00:03:13,652 --> 00:03:15,069
(AIR HISSING)

43
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:18,781
Sorry.

44
00:03:19,950 --> 00:03:22,493
(SIGHING) This school
has everything.

45
00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:25,037
I know. Doesn't it
just honk you off?

46
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:29,584
(GASPS) Their periodic
table has 250 elements!

47
00:03:29,668 --> 00:03:32,295
And our school board's
cut us back to 16.

48
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,088
All of them lanthanides.

49
00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:37,383
You know, we could get
equipment like this
through a bond issue.

50
00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:40,136
(GRUNTS) Here's
your bond issue!

51
00:03:41,597 --> 00:03:42,680
(CRASHING)

52
00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:44,223
Quick. Take these.

53
00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:45,850
Principal Skinner,
you're just stealing.

54
00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:48,436
(GRUNTS) Welcome to Dick
Cheney's America.

55
00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:51,898
Mmm! All this food
is so froufrou.

56
00:03:51,982 --> 00:03:53,649
(GASPS) Ooh!

57
00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:56,068
Faberge egg salad.

58
00:03:56,445 --> 00:03:58,821
Look, Brandine.
It's Wolfgang Puck.

59
00:03:59,156 --> 00:04:04,160
Mr. Puck, you make the only
grub what satisfies
my gut worm, I swear.

60
00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:05,995
Try my Rice Krispie squares.

61
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,915
They are wasabi-infused
with a portobello glaze.

62
00:04:08,999 --> 00:04:11,167
And you can buy
them at the airport.

63
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:12,877
I make mine with M&M's.

64
00:04:12,961 --> 00:04:14,170
With M&M's?

65
00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:16,589
Now that's what
I call fusion.

66
00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:18,507
I could sell them
on the Internet.

67
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:21,177
To the Puck-mobile!

68
00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:24,013
Ha! Go, go, go!

69
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:38,027
No one's doing any bumping.
Time to ram-a-lam
these ding-dongs.

70
00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:41,572
(TIRES SCREECHING)

71
00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:43,199
(GRUNTS)
(HIGH-PITCHED SCREAM)

72
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,575
(LAUGHING)

73
00:04:44,743 --> 00:04:46,202
(SIREN WAILING)

74
00:04:47,371 --> 00:04:48,537
(GRUNTING)

75
00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:53,542
Good show.

76
00:04:56,213 --> 00:04:59,757
(CHUCKLING) Hey, Marge.
Watch me burn Flanders.

77
00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:02,551
"Ned Flanders bids $50."

78
00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:04,679
(GIGGLING)

79
00:05:04,763 --> 00:05:07,974
And the winner
of the $100 bill
is Ned Flanders!

80
00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:09,183
(GROANS LOUDLY)

81
00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:12,311
This is going
right to the orphanage.

82
00:05:12,396 --> 00:05:13,521
(EXCLAIMS)

83
00:05:16,692 --> 00:05:18,317
We have a winner!

84
00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:22,488
These will be great
for advancing our research.

85
00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:24,824
Yes. Our research.

86
00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:26,826
(BOTH GRUNTING)

87
00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:28,119
(SPEAKING FRENCH)

88
00:05:28,203 --> 00:05:29,203
(GRUNTING)

89
00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:30,538
(BOYS CHUCKLING)

90
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:35,334
Hey, that's my
backpack! (CRYING)

91
00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:36,919
Look at her cry!

92
00:05:38,797 --> 00:05:41,674
New money always cries!

93
00:05:42,134 --> 00:05:43,134
(GRUNTS)

94
00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:46,178
Drop the backpack, Jack.

95
00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:48,264
The name is Jackington.

96
00:05:48,432 --> 00:05:49,640
(ALL GRUNTING)

97
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:50,891
Retreat!

98
00:05:50,976 --> 00:05:52,018
To the Hamptons!

99
00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:53,728
(BULLIES SINGING)
Tra-la-la, la-la-la!

100
00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:02,486
You were so brave
to take on
all those bullies.

101
00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:05,239
Those weren't bullies.
That's a bully.

102
00:06:05,574 --> 00:06:08,034
Hey, butler,
stop butling yourself.

103
00:06:08,118 --> 00:06:10,745
(GRUNTING)
Would that I could, sir.

104
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:13,456
Time to go, Greta.

105
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:16,792
Your mother's custody
starts at 1800 hours.

106
00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:18,711
Your dad's McBain?

107
00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:21,547
(LAUGHING) I've played
many characters.

108
00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:25,468
McBain,
Officer Nick Vengeance,
Sergeant Murder,

109
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:28,137
and I was a voice
on the Frasier.

110
00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:29,930
Would you like to come
to my house sometime?

111
00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:31,307
If it's okay with my dad.

112
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:35,436
Come. We play Uno.
I chase you with hose.
No biggie.

113
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:39,398
Wow. Cool! (GROANS)
I guess we're leaving, too.

114
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,860
(BOTH GRUNTING)
No, I belong here! Please!

115
00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:44,070
Don't worry, honey.

116
00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:47,364
We can't afford this now,
but when it's time
for college,

117
00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:51,577
I promise my darling daughter
can go to the finest school
there is.

118
00:06:51,787 --> 00:06:52,870
In South Carolina.

119
00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:56,082
Oh! I will not be
a Gamecock!

120
00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:57,249
You will too!

121
00:06:57,334 --> 00:06:58,375
No!

122
00:06:58,460 --> 00:06:59,835
(ALL STRAINING)

123
00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:02,421
Go Gamecocks!

124
00:07:02,506 --> 00:07:04,006
No!

125
00:07:07,886 --> 00:07:10,888
It's so cute you're going
to a little girl's house.

126
00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:13,307
Look, boy, here's my
advice on women.

127
00:07:13,391 --> 00:07:16,477
Don't give them nicknames
like "Jumbo" or "Boxcar,"

128
00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:20,356
and always get receipts.
Makes you look
like a business guy.

129
00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:22,399
(CRASHING)

130
00:07:22,484 --> 00:07:24,360
What the hell is that?

131
00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:30,407
(TIRES SCREECHING)

132
00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:33,244
That car's as big
as all outdoors!

133
00:07:33,328 --> 00:07:35,371
Wow. What kind of
mileage does it get?

134
00:07:35,539 --> 00:07:38,040
One highway, zero city.

135
00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:39,917
(EXCLAIMS)

136
00:07:40,752 --> 00:07:42,044
Mmm-hmm.

137
00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:43,379
(CAR HONKING)

138
00:07:45,257 --> 00:07:48,134
Bart, your little tie
makes me smile.

139
00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:51,679
Excuse me, but you don't
sound as tough as you do
in the movies.

140
00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:53,931
If you don't
shut your big yap,

141
00:07:54,015 --> 00:07:57,101
I will rip off your face
and use it as a napkin!

142
00:07:58,436 --> 00:07:59,979
(ALL LAUGHING)

143
00:08:02,107 --> 00:08:03,691
Laughing time is over.

144
00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:10,698
These are props from
one of my dad's movies,

145
00:08:10,782 --> 00:08:12,825
The Incredible
Shrinking McBain.

146
00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:15,744
Wow! The Q-tip he
used to kill Ross Perot.

147
00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:19,790
(CHUCKLING) Everything
in your house is so cool.

148
00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:21,167
What's your house like?

149
00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:24,211
Oh, it's okay. My bed
is stuffed with hay.

150
00:08:24,421 --> 00:08:27,214
(LAUGHING) Bart,
you're so funny.

151
00:08:27,299 --> 00:08:29,300
(LAUGHS WEAKLY) Yeah.

152
00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:33,679
You haven't seen
Itchy & Scratchy till
you've seen it on DVD.

153
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:37,016
(SINGING)
The Itchy & Scratchy Show

154
00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:41,937
(SCREAMING)

155
00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:46,275
Oh, my body!

156
00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:48,527
(BART AND GRETA LAUGHING)

157
00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:52,156
Check out
the audio commentary.

158
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,366
We shot this at
4:00 in the morning,

159
00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:56,535
and the crew was
getting a little cranky.

160
00:08:56,620 --> 00:09:00,623
You can never
get enough takes
for Steven Soderbergh.

161
00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:02,708
Always wants more...

162
00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:03,792
(SCRATCHY SCREAMING)

163
00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:05,211
(BOTH LAUGHING)

164
00:09:08,590 --> 00:09:11,008
I hope you enjoy
these German sausages.

165
00:09:11,092 --> 00:09:14,136
I've been grinding
all day, so I'm not
sure what organ meat

166
00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:16,430
is in what intestinal casing.

167
00:09:16,598 --> 00:09:20,226
Bratwurst?
Sauerbraten?
Donderblitzen?

168
00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:22,895
Oh, Mom, isn't there
anything vegetarian?

169
00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:27,024
(LAUGHING) Homer, I see
your daughter is one
of those whale-kissing,

170
00:09:27,108 --> 00:09:29,318
Dukakis-hugging moon maidens.

171
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:31,237
(LAUGHS) Yeah,
one time she...

172
00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:33,739
(GASPS) She's looking
at us. Be cool.

173
00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:35,699
(HUMMING NONCHALANTLY)

174
00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:44,041
What are you doing?

175
00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:47,419
(GASPS) Oh, I gotcha.

176
00:09:47,504 --> 00:09:50,506
One, two, three, four,
I declare a thumb war!

177
00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:52,174
(BOTH GRUNTING)

178
00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:54,343
One, two, three!

179
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,345
Hey, that was
a fast count!

180
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:57,429
(GRUNTING CONTINUES)

181
00:09:57,555 --> 00:10:01,433
Remember when I said
I would eat you last?
I lied.

182
00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:04,186
(DOORBELL RINGING)

183
00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:07,273
Hi, Bart.

184
00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:09,942
Whazzup!

185
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:11,986
Oh! You brought someone.

186
00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:13,112
Yeah, this is Milhouse.

187
00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:15,281
He's my best friend because...

188
00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:17,908
Well, geographical
convenience, really.

189
00:10:18,243 --> 00:10:20,869
I'm wearing
my bathing suit
under my pants.

190
00:10:20,996 --> 00:10:22,955
Um... You want
to go swimming?

191
00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:25,708
Okay, but you have
to watch me dive.

192
00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:26,917
Fine.

193
00:10:27,002 --> 00:10:28,627
Do you promise?

194
00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:30,045
Just go!

195
00:10:31,214 --> 00:10:32,339
(SPLASHING)

196
00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:33,632
(MILHOUSE LAUGHING)

197
00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,927
(LAUGHS) He'll sleep tonight!

198
00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:41,557
Hello, gentlemen.
Would you care to meet
my new best friend?

199
00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:43,976
Rainier Wolfcastle?

200
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:45,436
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

201
00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:47,604
Hey, I've been
using that ab roller
you endorse,

202
00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:49,606
but I haven't
gotten any results.

203
00:10:49,691 --> 00:10:52,651
Right, because you've
been using it backward.

204
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,445
Are you really
Homer's friend?

205
00:10:54,529 --> 00:10:56,989
After they shoot your movies,
who gets the leftover film?

206
00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:59,658
Is it true
that if I kill you,
I become you?

207
00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:04,121
(SCOFFS) This looks
like a job for my
authorized look-alike.

208
00:11:07,959 --> 00:11:10,252
(IN AMERICAN ACCENT)
Hi, I'm Chuck.
I live in his trunk.

209
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:12,087
So how much you
look-alikes make?

210
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,590
'Cause some say
I look like
Macaulay Culkin.

211
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:15,924
(SCREAMING)

212
00:11:22,432 --> 00:11:23,557
(SQUELCHING)

213
00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:27,519
These courtside
seats are great.

214
00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:29,063
Thanks for the hookup,
Wolfie.

215
00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:31,732
I just want my
daughter to be happy.

216
00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:34,610
Plus, you eat the pretzels
I drop on the floor.

217
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,236
That I do, sir.

218
00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:39,990
Bart, my school's
having a dance.

219
00:11:40,283 --> 00:11:43,410
It's pretty lame,
but maybe you
can make it fun,

220
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:44,870
if we went together.

221
00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:45,996
Yeah, I guess.

222
00:11:46,081 --> 00:11:47,039
(CROWD CHEERING)

223
00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:48,874
(ALL CHANTING) Defense!
Defense! Defense!

224
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:50,042
Defense! Defense! Defense!

225
00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:51,126
(ALL CHEERING)

226
00:11:52,003 --> 00:11:54,296
Ouch! I sat on
something sharp!

227
00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:56,632
Oh, that's just
Lara Flynn Boyle.

228
00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:58,050
(LAUGHING)

229
00:11:58,134 --> 00:12:00,469
I have a Boyle on my ass!

230
00:12:02,305 --> 00:12:05,724
Now, Willie, don't tell
anyone I'm trying my
stand-up comedy act tonight.

231
00:12:05,809 --> 00:12:08,018
If the students find out
I'm performing at Floppy's,

232
00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:09,436
I'll never live it down.

233
00:12:09,521 --> 00:12:11,563
I won't tell if you
put me on the guest list.

234
00:12:11,648 --> 00:12:13,399
All right. Plus one?

235
00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:14,525
Nay.

236
00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:17,236
Now, I'll give you
directions starting from
the Simpsons' house.

237
00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:19,988
(CHUCKLES)
We are so there!

238
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:23,200
Aren't you supposed to
take Greta
to the dance tonight?

239
00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:26,412
Oh, yeah.
Maybe I should
keep my promise.

240
00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:30,749
SEYMOUR: I just hope
the audience is kind
because my material is weak,

241
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:32,668
and I have that
bladder thing.

242
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,962
That's it!
I'm blowing off the dance!

243
00:12:35,046 --> 00:12:37,756
This is the biggest
thing that's happened
to me since chocolate milk!

244
00:12:37,841 --> 00:12:39,800
They've got
chocolate milk now?

245
00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:43,387
(GRUNTING)

246
00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:44,471
(GROANS)

247
00:12:44,556 --> 00:12:47,599
That was the prop comedy
of the sea captain.

248
00:12:47,684 --> 00:12:49,935
More like
"thar he blows!"

249
00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:51,228
(ALL LAUGHING)

250
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:54,356
Yarr, I'm so sorry.

251
00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:57,234
All right.
Let's keep this
train wreck moving.

252
00:12:57,318 --> 00:13:01,905
Principal Skinner?
I know him.
He's not funny. Well, enjoy.

253
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:05,617
(MICROPHONE STATIC)

254
00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:06,743
(CLEARING THROAT)

255
00:13:06,828 --> 00:13:09,621
So, it's standardized
testing time again.

256
00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:13,500
Have you ever noticed
how the dumb kids
fill in the wrong circles?

257
00:13:13,585 --> 00:13:16,086
Seymour! Seymour!

258
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:18,797
(LAUGHS) Lost my place.

259
00:13:18,882 --> 00:13:19,923
(CLEARING THROAT)

260
00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:24,178
Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe
a little improv would
raise the roof here.

261
00:13:24,262 --> 00:13:25,971
Would someone
name a profession?

262
00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:27,598
Loser Principal!

263
00:13:27,682 --> 00:13:28,807
Uh...

264
00:13:28,892 --> 00:13:31,310
I think I heard
California surfer.

265
00:13:31,394 --> 00:13:32,394
(GRUNTING)

266
00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:35,522
You suck, Seymour!

267
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:37,941
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

268
00:13:38,026 --> 00:13:39,026
(AUDIENCE BOOING)

269
00:13:39,861 --> 00:13:41,069
(LAUGHING)

270
00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:43,238
(BART LAUGHING)

271
00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:45,824
Oh, man. What a dork.

272
00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:48,744
Greta called.
It seems you told
her you were sick.

273
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:51,788
Lisa, I only lied
because it was
the easiest way

274
00:13:51,873 --> 00:13:52,956
to get what I wanted.

275
00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:56,335
Bart, this girl
is in love with you!
Think about it!

276
00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:20,734
Hey, I didn't lead her on.
I always played it
light and breezy.

277
00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:22,528
Well, if you don't
feel the way Greta does,

278
00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:24,780
you've got to tell her
before she gets hurt.

279
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,198
All right.
I know what to do.

280
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:28,367
I'll dump her
like she's never
been dumped before.

281
00:14:28,451 --> 00:14:30,077
Then we'll go right
back to being friends.

282
00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:33,372
Well, Bart, you really
understand women.

283
00:14:33,456 --> 00:14:36,959
Lise, women are easy.
State capitals are hard!

284
00:14:37,252 --> 00:14:38,544
(CHUCKLING)

285
00:14:38,628 --> 00:14:40,379
And where were you?

286
00:14:40,463 --> 00:14:41,505
Cockfight.

287
00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:46,218
You're breaking up with me?

288
00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:47,469
(CRYING)

289
00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:57,854
Don't worry. We get
that a lot here.

290
00:14:57,939 --> 00:15:01,984
(CRYING) Lou, you can't
leave the force!
I can change!

291
00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:05,070
I just think
there's more money
in private security.

292
00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:07,864
All I'm hearing
is I'm too fat.

293
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:09,283
(CRYING)

294
00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:15,455
Aren't I?

295
00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:17,499
(CRYING CONTINUES)

296
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:26,758
I can't believe
he dumped me!

297
00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:30,345
In my movies,
this is where
I would go berserk.

298
00:15:31,556 --> 00:15:33,974
Dad, this isn't a movie.

299
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:37,436
No. Let my muscles hug you.

300
00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:45,110
Greta, I'm sorry
I didn't handle
the breakup well,

301
00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:48,864
but you're a sweet kid
and someday you'll
find someone who...

302
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:51,742
Whazzup!

303
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:53,869
Milhouse? Greta?

304
00:15:54,579 --> 00:15:56,663
Well, no one has to
draw me a picture!

305
00:15:56,748 --> 00:15:58,040
Oh! But I did.

306
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,877
(GASPS) Greta,
is this how it is?

307
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,003
Yes.

308
00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:05,380
Except he kissed me
in the eye.

309
00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:07,924
(MOANS)

310
00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:14,181
I was an idiot.
Now I'll be alone forever.
Why did I break up with her?

311
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:16,475
Oh, Bart,
it's human nature.

312
00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:19,019
You only want her
because someone
else has her.

313
00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:21,104
Prove it, using
examples from this room.

314
00:16:21,189 --> 00:16:24,441
All right, look.
Maggie's not playing
with this ball right now,

315
00:16:24,525 --> 00:16:26,568
but look what happens
when I take it.

316
00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:27,653
(GRUNTING)

317
00:16:27,737 --> 00:16:30,280
See?
Give me the ball!
Give me the ball!

318
00:16:30,365 --> 00:16:31,448
(GROANS)

319
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:32,699
(USE TA BE MY GIRL PLAYING)

320
00:16:32,784 --> 00:16:36,411
She use ta be
She use ta be my girl

321
00:16:37,121 --> 00:16:39,706
She use ta be my girl

322
00:16:39,791 --> 00:16:41,625
I wouldn't lie about
a thing like that

323
00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:43,543
She use ta be my girl

324
00:16:44,379 --> 00:16:47,506
Well, well
She use ta be my girl

325
00:16:47,965 --> 00:16:49,091
(PHONE RINGING)

326
00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:51,802
(WOLFCASTLE ON
ANSWERING MACHINE)
Leave a message at the beep.

327
00:16:51,886 --> 00:16:54,596
But don't be
a message monster
hogging all my tape!

328
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:56,973
(BEEPING)
Uh, Greta, it's me.

329
00:16:57,058 --> 00:16:59,643
I think you left your pencil
over at my house, and...

330
00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:01,728
He's there now, isn't he?

331
00:17:01,813 --> 00:17:04,022
I knew it. You're there.
Just hear me out.

332
00:17:04,107 --> 00:17:06,441
Bart, forget it.
I'm leaving in 10 minutes.

333
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,193
My dad's shooting
a movie in Toronto.

334
00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:10,362
(GASPS) You're
going to Spain?

335
00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:11,697
Goodbye, Bart.

336
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:16,702
So to win Greta back,
I have to go to Toronto.

337
00:17:16,953 --> 00:17:20,789
Canada?
Why should we leave America
to visit America Junior?

338
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:25,210
This is for love, Dad.
Someday you'll feel
what I feel.

339
00:17:25,336 --> 00:17:29,297
It's only fair.
We went to Europe
when Lisa lost her balloon.

340
00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:31,466
Maggie, what do you think?

341
00:17:31,592 --> 00:17:35,971
All right, Son.
We'll all go!
First class!

342
00:17:38,641 --> 00:17:40,600
(CANADIAN NATIONAL
ANTHEM PLAYING)

343
00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:52,404
It's so clean
and bland. I'm home!

344
00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:56,908
Wow! This bus station
is the birthplace
of Paul Shaffer.

345
00:17:57,952 --> 00:18:00,203
Dad, no!
It says, "Don't walk!"

346
00:18:00,288 --> 00:18:02,205
It doesn't matter.
They have free
health care.

347
00:18:02,290 --> 00:18:04,332
(GRUNTS) Whoa! I'm rich!

348
00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:07,711
Take off!
To the Great White North!

349
00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:11,006
Take off!
It's a beauty way to go!

350
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,257
Take off...

351
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:14,259
I'm a 10-year-old
boy in Toronto.

352
00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:16,636
I should be the happiest
kid in the world.

353
00:18:16,721 --> 00:18:18,764
But I can't stop
thinking about Greta!

354
00:18:18,848 --> 00:18:22,225
You'll win her back, eh.
And B, we're closing
in five minutes.

355
00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:24,686
Would a US dollar
change your mind?

356
00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:26,021
American currency!

357
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,315
What time would you like
your breakfast, sir?

358
00:18:28,399 --> 00:18:31,276
Take off!
To the Great White North!

359
00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:34,863
Over there you can see
them shooting the film
Canadian Graffiti.

360
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:40,827
Oh, I see you drive
on the left up here.

361
00:18:40,912 --> 00:18:42,412
No, Ma'am. I'm drunk.

362
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:44,664
There it is!
Wolfcastle's movie set!

363
00:18:50,338 --> 00:18:51,379
(BOY GRUNTING)

364
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:52,672
(BULLIES CHUCKLING)

365
00:18:53,007 --> 00:18:56,218
Excuse me. Which way
to the chess club?

366
00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:58,386
What's your name, nerd?

367
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,722
Melvin Eugene Puny-meyer.

368
00:19:00,932 --> 00:19:03,975
Well, well, a big
muscle-bound nerd.

369
00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:06,645
Ha! Just more
of you to pick on.

370
00:19:06,729 --> 00:19:09,105
The geek shall
inherit the earth.

371
00:19:09,607 --> 00:19:10,649
(GRUNTING)

372
00:19:10,733 --> 00:19:11,817
(EXCLAIMING)

373
00:19:13,361 --> 00:19:14,653
There she is, boy.

374
00:19:14,737 --> 00:19:15,821
I don't know, Dad.

375
00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:17,197
What if she's
still mad at me?

376
00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:18,406
Listen to me, Son.

377
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:19,825
No one loves a quitter.

378
00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:22,494
So you go over there
and you win her back.

379
00:19:22,578 --> 00:19:24,162
But she might say no.

380
00:19:24,247 --> 00:19:26,957
Oh, I quit.
There's no convincing you.

381
00:19:27,041 --> 00:19:29,584
(SIGHING) I'm
gonna take a nap.

382
00:19:29,877 --> 00:19:31,127
(SNORING)

383
00:19:35,550 --> 00:19:39,177
You're not gonna win her back.
She's with the "House" now.

384
00:19:39,262 --> 00:19:40,303
(CHUCKLES)

385
00:19:40,388 --> 00:19:43,306
Milhouse, she's only dating
you to get back at me.

386
00:19:43,391 --> 00:19:46,059
My therapist said that's
all I could ever hope for.

387
00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:47,936
So take off, hoser!

388
00:19:48,062 --> 00:19:49,604
(BOTH GRUNTING)

389
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:55,193
MILHOUSE: I'm gonna knock you
into the next province!

390
00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:02,158
Well, we've seen some
wild sweeping here today.

391
00:20:02,410 --> 00:20:05,871
Yes. The broom handling
has been truly dazzling.

392
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:07,122
(GRUNTING CONTINUES)

393
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:08,623
What's this?

394
00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:12,836
Two young Yankee Doodles
have turned this match
into a dandy.

395
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:16,590
(LAUGHING) Both our viewers
must be thrilled.

396
00:20:19,594 --> 00:20:23,138
Greta, I miss you
so much. Please
be my girlfriend again.

397
00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:25,432
No.
Yes!

398
00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:27,475
The "House" always wins!

399
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:28,768
Sorry, Milhouse.

400
00:20:28,853 --> 00:20:31,646
I thought Canada would
save our relationship,

401
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,023
but it only made it worse.

402
00:20:33,107 --> 00:20:36,067
You're breaking up
with me? Why?

403
00:20:36,152 --> 00:20:40,030
I guess I was just looking
for someone more masculine.

404
00:20:40,114 --> 00:20:43,825
I told you! I don't know
how that scrunchie
got in my hair!

405
00:20:43,993 --> 00:20:48,121
Sorry, guys. But you two
have put me off dating
for at least four years.

406
00:20:48,205 --> 00:20:50,916
I think I'll just buckle
down and co-produce
my dad's movies.

407
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:53,460
Need a unit production
manager? (GROWLING)

408
00:20:53,544 --> 00:20:54,711
It's too late, Bart.

409
00:20:56,839 --> 00:20:58,757
Well, I guess
we're single again.

410
00:20:58,841 --> 00:21:02,010
I can't believe
I have to give her
half my stuff!

411
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:03,762
But are we still friends?

412
00:21:03,846 --> 00:21:06,514
Till the next one.
So, what do we do now?

413
00:21:06,682 --> 00:21:10,894
Well, we're in Canada.
Let's find something fun!

414
00:21:11,354 --> 00:21:13,772
I've got just
the ticket! Come on!

415
00:21:16,442 --> 00:21:19,527
I can't believe we're
on the Canadian
Olympic Basketball team.

416
00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:21,696
Yep. It's just that easy.

417
00:21:22,239 --> 00:21:23,239
(GRUNTING)

418
00:21:24,492 --> 00:21:27,118
Wow, that was close.
You can be the center.

419
00:21:27,203 --> 00:21:28,578
(MUSIC PLAYING)

420
00:21:31,624 --> 00:21:33,667
How come you always
run out of tardy slips

421
00:21:33,751 --> 00:21:36,378
before you run out
of permission slips?

422
00:21:36,462 --> 00:21:38,046
KEARNEY: How come you suck?

423
00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:39,130
Uh...

424
00:21:39,382 --> 00:21:40,840
I lack confidence?

425
00:22:26,470 --> 00:22:27,721
MILHOUSE: Whazzup!

426
00:22:33,602 --> 00:22:34,602
English - US - PSDH