1
00:00:04,129 --> 00:00:07,048
(SINGING) The Simpsons

2
00:00:17,810 --> 00:00:19,310
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

3
00:00:24,608 --> 00:00:26,275
(HORN BELLOWING)

4
00:00:39,331 --> 00:00:41,124
(PLAYING DIFFERENT TUNE)

5
00:00:47,464 --> 00:00:48,881
(TIRES SCREECHING)

6
00:00:59,977 --> 00:01:01,144
(HONKING)

7
00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:03,146
(TIRES SCREECHING)

8
00:01:05,107 --> 00:01:06,190
D'oh!

9
00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:07,483
(SCREAMS)

10
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:08,651
(BRAKES SCREECHING)

11
00:01:10,779 --> 00:01:11,988
(EXCLAIMS)

12
00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:25,835
(DISTANT CHEERING)

13
00:01:27,671 --> 00:01:30,131
A-ha! A free baseball!

14
00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:33,342
(GASPS) A shiny new dime!

15
00:01:34,636 --> 00:01:36,345
A shinier new dime!

16
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:41,434
Excuse me.
My refrigeration
unit is broken.

17
00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:44,937
Could you possibly eat
some free ice cream?

18
00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:49,400
What flavor?
Why, super chocolate,
of course. Oh, yes!

19
00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:53,112
This day just keeps
getting better and better.

20
00:01:53,197 --> 00:01:55,698
And here's a new
four-legged friend
for me.

21
00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:58,159
Hiya, boy.
Haven't seen you
around here before.

22
00:01:58,243 --> 00:01:59,285
(GROWLING)

23
00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:00,369
(SCREAMING)

24
00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:01,454
(BARKING)

25
00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:04,290
(PANTING)

26
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:05,625
(SIGHS)

27
00:02:05,709 --> 00:02:06,709
(GROWLING)

28
00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:10,379
Mom! A dog ate
my clothes!

29
00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:13,299
MARGE: Nice try,
but we're still
going to Riverdance.

30
00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:14,383
D'oh!

31
00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:18,721
You know that new
baby brother Ralph's
been bragging about?

32
00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:21,140
It's just a pinecone.

33
00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:22,391
(BOTH SNIGGERING)

34
00:02:23,393 --> 00:02:24,560
(CHUCKLING)

35
00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:26,896
(CHUCKLING)

36
00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:28,356
(GROWLING)

37
00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:29,440
(BART SCREAMING)

38
00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:31,317
Let's go where
it's quiet.

39
00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:32,443
BART: Help!

40
00:02:32,778 --> 00:02:34,153
Isn't that
your brother?

41
00:02:34,238 --> 00:02:35,822
I said, let's go.

42
00:02:37,241 --> 00:02:39,534
Eh, I'm sick of
this Tarzan movie.

43
00:02:39,618 --> 00:02:42,578
Dad, it's a documentary
on the homeless.

44
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:43,746
Oh, right.

45
00:02:44,081 --> 00:02:46,624
(GULPING) A crazy dog's
trying to kill me!

46
00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:48,918
Really? Ooh!
This I gotta see.

47
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:50,920
(WHIMPERING)

48
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:53,381
Oh, he just wants
to make friends.

49
00:02:55,551 --> 00:02:58,719
Ooh! Who's a good dog?
What a goody doggie!

50
00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,263
(BABY TALK)

51
00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:01,347
He just a googie...

52
00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:04,183
So, Bart, when does
the killing start?

53
00:03:04,393 --> 00:03:05,726
(BABY TALK CONTINUES)

54
00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:07,603
(GROANING)

55
00:03:07,771 --> 00:03:08,771
(GROWLS)

56
00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:09,981
(SCREAMS)

57
00:03:11,233 --> 00:03:12,733
(BABY TALK)

58
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:16,195
(GROWLS)

59
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:20,449
Look, Bart,
sometimes dogs or people
hate you for no reason.

60
00:03:22,244 --> 00:03:23,703
(GROWLING CONTINUES)

61
00:03:28,083 --> 00:03:29,125
(GULPS)

62
00:03:36,466 --> 00:03:37,508
(SIGHS)

63
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:38,718
(GROWLS)

64
00:03:39,011 --> 00:03:40,011
(BART SCREAMING)

65
00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:41,429
(DOG BARKING)

66
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:42,847
Bart's a goner.

67
00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:44,724
Anyone want to be
my new best friend?

68
00:03:44,808 --> 00:03:45,850
I will!

69
00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:49,520
Great! Finally,
I'll be the dominant one.

70
00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:51,063
Be quiet.

71
00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:52,273
Yes, sir.

72
00:03:52,524 --> 00:03:53,733
(PANTING)

73
00:03:54,943 --> 00:03:57,486
Ha-ha! Bart's
family is poor!

74
00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:58,821
(ALL LAUGHING)

75
00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:01,908
(EXCLAIMS)

76
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:13,085
MARGE: Hurry up,
Bart, or you'll be late
to be killed by the dog!

77
00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:14,128
What?

78
00:04:14,212 --> 00:04:15,880
I said you'll be
late for school!

79
00:04:16,173 --> 00:04:17,256
(SHUDDERING)

80
00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:22,845
(GRUNTS)

81
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:23,930
(GROWLING)

82
00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:26,724
Eat my short stories!

83
00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:30,019
(DOG BARKING)

84
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:44,408
(BARKING CONTINUES)

85
00:04:52,668 --> 00:04:53,668
(GROANING)

86
00:04:59,174 --> 00:05:04,345
Phew! Safe at last!
Now, I'll just turn around
and confirm that safety.

87
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:07,139
(SCREAMING)

88
00:05:12,521 --> 00:05:15,481
Hey, wait a minute.
These animals are stuffed.

89
00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:17,858
(EXCLAIMS)
Except that one.

90
00:05:17,943 --> 00:05:19,402
(WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING)

91
00:05:19,486 --> 00:05:23,656
Don't worry about
these critters. They're
just props from my movies.

92
00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:27,660
This one's from
Gunfight at the Museum
of Natural History.

93
00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:29,161
You were in movies?

94
00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:33,332
Hold onto your hat, son.
You're talking to Buck McCoy.

95
00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:34,667
Who?

96
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:36,002
(CHUCKLING)

97
00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:38,462
Yeah, that's right.
Buck McCoy.

98
00:05:38,547 --> 00:05:41,340
The most famous movie
cowboy in the world.

99
00:05:41,633 --> 00:05:45,636
No kidding. Anyway,
I climbed over your gate.
A dog was after me.

100
00:05:46,555 --> 00:05:49,682
I'll show you a trick
that you can use on dogs.

101
00:05:49,975 --> 00:05:52,143
Also worked on
David O. Selznick.

102
00:05:52,227 --> 00:05:53,352
Who?

103
00:05:53,437 --> 00:05:57,398
(CHUCKLES) Yeah, that's right.
The David O. Selznick.

104
00:05:57,941 --> 00:05:59,233
(GROWLING)

105
00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:02,278
Whoa! Keep him
away from me!

106
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,655
Trust me, son.
You'll be fine.

107
00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:08,951
Now, lean down
and put your arms
across his neck.

108
00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:11,037
(GROWLING CONTINUES)

109
00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:13,330
(WHIMPERING)

110
00:06:14,624 --> 00:06:16,208
Whoa! It worked!

111
00:06:18,503 --> 00:06:19,712
Where did you learn that?

112
00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:21,797
Ah, you pick things up.

113
00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:25,342
Do you know how to
catch a wild boar
with a teaspoon?

114
00:06:25,427 --> 00:06:26,427
No!

115
00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:28,471
Well, what do you
kids do all day?

116
00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:30,806
Well, right now
I'm supposed to
be in school.

117
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:34,018
School? Huh! Why bother?
I quit after fourth grade,

118
00:06:34,102 --> 00:06:35,978
and I ain't not no un-dummy.

119
00:06:38,482 --> 00:06:41,192
(WHISTLING) It's
like you're living
in a steakhouse!

120
00:06:41,276 --> 00:06:44,320
Well, thank you.
Most people just
mutter that.

121
00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:46,572
(VACUUM WHIRRING)

122
00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:48,657
Is that horse vacuuming?

123
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:50,159
If you can
call it that.

124
00:06:50,535 --> 00:06:52,912
He soils as much
as he cleans.

125
00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:57,208
Frank the Wonder Horse
was in 24 of my pictures.

126
00:06:58,376 --> 00:07:03,339
And directed one.
And he got
the "film by" credit.

127
00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:08,552
(BELL DINGS)

128
00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:14,183
5:00? I better
get home for dinner.

129
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,352
Well, come back
anytime, pardner.

130
00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:18,938
To the laundry room!

131
00:07:19,022 --> 00:07:20,189
(HORSE WHINNYING)

132
00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:21,607
(URGING HORSE)

133
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:23,359
Here we are.

134
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:24,443
(HORSE SNORTING)

135
00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:29,907
Hi, honey.
Where's that vicious dog?
I made him a biscuit.

136
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,827
Oh, he's not
bothering me anymore.
Buck McCoy helped me.

137
00:07:32,911 --> 00:07:36,539
Buck McCoy?
He was the greatest
of them all!

138
00:07:36,706 --> 00:07:38,332
He was bigger than opium!

139
00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:40,167
I met one of my heroes today.

140
00:07:40,252 --> 00:07:41,293
She started the first...

141
00:07:41,378 --> 00:07:44,338
Buck McCoy!
I still carry this.

142
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:48,884
Junior Buckaroo, 2nd Class.
Little Grampa Simpson.

143
00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:50,219
Cool!

144
00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:56,183
After that I starred in
Wyatt Earp Meets The Mummy.

145
00:07:56,268 --> 00:07:58,853
Then Six Brides
For Seven Brothers.

146
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:02,398
They were pictures
that the whole family
could enjoy.

147
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:05,234
No drugs,
no nudity, no cussing.

148
00:08:05,569 --> 00:08:09,738
Just drinking, fighting
and tripping horses
with wires.

149
00:08:10,365 --> 00:08:12,032
What's this lunchbox made of?

150
00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:15,327
Well, back in my day,
we had a thing called metal.

151
00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:19,915
Everything was made of it.
Lunchboxes, cars, you name it.

152
00:08:20,584 --> 00:08:22,084
Me-tal.

153
00:08:23,587 --> 00:08:25,171
Hey, can you still
do cowboy tricks?

154
00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:28,424
Well, here's one I did
in The Wild Lunch.

155
00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:37,016
Everything tastes better
when it's lassoed!

156
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:39,018
Would you lasso
me a banana?

157
00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:41,854
Now how the hell
would I do that?

158
00:08:43,899 --> 00:08:47,359
I guess you're not
going to have an
adventure this week.

159
00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:48,944
Huh. Just you wait.

160
00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:50,446
Hey, boy, where'd
you get that hat?

161
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:51,614
Buck gave it to me.

162
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:54,158
He's just about
the greatest guy
who ever lived.

163
00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:56,994
I want to grow up
to be just like him.

164
00:08:57,078 --> 00:09:00,164
No kidding? Hey,
speaking of achievers,

165
00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:04,460
they're thinking of
spraying your old man's
workspace for ticks.

166
00:09:04,628 --> 00:09:07,213
That's great, champ.
I know you've
been wanting that.

167
00:09:07,297 --> 00:09:09,882
Well, got to mosey,
Homer. Ma'am.

168
00:09:11,593 --> 00:09:13,928
Bart sure is fond of
that cow gentleman.

169
00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:17,848
It's just not fair.
This Buck fellow's
had all the advantages.

170
00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:21,852
Horse-riding lessons,
the finest makeup,
delicious studio food.

171
00:09:21,937 --> 00:09:25,397
Oh, Homie, you'll always
be my western hero.

172
00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:26,649
Swell.

173
00:09:29,861 --> 00:09:31,403
I can't wait
till I get good.

174
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:32,821
(HORSE WHINNYING)

175
00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:34,949
Buck's here!

176
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:37,701
Dad, why are you
wearing that?

177
00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:39,411
Because I want
to be your hero.

178
00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:41,914
On top of which,
I don't look bald.

179
00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:46,335
Thanks for coming, Mr. McCoy.
We cooked your favorites.

180
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:50,172
Rattlesnake meat,
varmint kabobs
and refried whiskey.

181
00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:52,758
I like the sound
of that last one.

182
00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:55,552
Don't listen to them,
Buck! It's an ambush!

183
00:09:55,637 --> 00:09:57,846
They're trying to
jump your claim!

184
00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,682
Take him outside.

185
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:02,351
I love you, Buck!

186
00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:11,652
Gee, Buck,
your old films are
as violent as today's!

187
00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:13,862
One of the wheels
broke off my chair today,

188
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,990
but I didn't make
a movie about it.

189
00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:17,116
(SHUSHES)

190
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,576
In the '50s,
I did a TV show.

191
00:10:20,203 --> 00:10:24,123
It only lasted a year,
but we did 360 episodes,

192
00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:27,918
all of them great.
I did the commercials myself.

193
00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:33,465
Remember kids,
Drunken Cowboy brand
whiskey is smooth as milk!

194
00:10:33,717 --> 00:10:36,719
I'm not sure I approve
of selling whiskey
to children.

195
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:40,014
Well, that ad was aimed
at children who were
already heavy drinkers.

196
00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:41,098
Oh!

197
00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:49,481
ANNOUNCER: Tonight's
episode... "Excuse Me
While I Kill The Sky."

198
00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:50,816
Why are you driving a car?

199
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:51,900
(CHUCKLING)

200
00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:56,989
Yeah, in the '70s,
Westerns were out
and detective shows were in.

201
00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:59,908
It seems like all I did
was shoot hippies.

202
00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:08,042
They wrote me out of the show
and it became Room 222.

203
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,170
So that's how you
ended your career?

204
00:11:11,254 --> 00:11:13,339
Yeah, well,
what can you do?

205
00:11:13,423 --> 00:11:17,176
The Western went the way
of the evening newspaper
and polio.

206
00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:20,012
Well, I think Westerns
are due for a comeback.

207
00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:24,600
Yeah! We can have showdowns
at the schoolyard
and use nerds as Indians.

208
00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:25,809
(SHUDDERS)

209
00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:28,020
(PLAYING UPBEAT SONG)

210
00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:38,197
Bart, you look so cool.

211
00:11:38,281 --> 00:11:40,949
(IN SOUTHERN DRAWL)
I was thinking this
could be a new fad.

212
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,285
What about
Hawaiian shirts?

213
00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:47,081
Hey, you're not fun,
you're fat!

214
00:11:47,332 --> 00:11:51,460
Now, listen up.
When I come back tomorrow,
you better have cowboy suits,

215
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:54,088
and they better be adorable.

216
00:11:54,923 --> 00:11:56,298
(TOY GUNS FIRING)

217
00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:59,343
This is Kent Brockman here
at Springfield Elementary,

218
00:11:59,427 --> 00:12:02,596
where a new Western craze
is sweeping the campus.

219
00:12:02,806 --> 00:12:04,223
I'm Annie Oakley!

220
00:12:04,307 --> 00:12:07,309
I'm Kevin Costner
in one of his Western roles!

221
00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:08,894
I'm a gulch!

222
00:12:08,978 --> 00:12:10,437
So I guess you could say

223
00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:14,566
this barely
qualifies as news.
I'm Kent Brockman.

224
00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:15,692
(SNORTING)

225
00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:19,738
(SINGING) Oh, give me land
Lots of land

226
00:12:19,823 --> 00:12:22,533
Under starry skies above

227
00:12:22,826 --> 00:12:25,869
(ALL SINGING)
Don't fence me in

228
00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:28,414
Sir, you cannot pee

229
00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:31,250
Unless you are an employee

230
00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:35,254
(SINGING) Can't keep it in

231
00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:37,756
(ZIPPER UNZIPPING)

232
00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:39,174
(HOMER SIGHING)

233
00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:45,848
Krusty, how do you feel
about putting Buck McCoy
on your show?

234
00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:48,684
Pass!
We also represent
Billy Joel.

235
00:12:48,852 --> 00:12:50,227
Who's the first one again?

236
00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:51,437
Buck McCoy.

237
00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:54,606
Forget it!
I'm not putting
some Western star on

238
00:12:54,691 --> 00:12:56,733
just 'cause it's
the flavor of the month.

239
00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:59,153
I want my show to have
a timeless quality.

240
00:12:59,237 --> 00:13:01,155
Here's your hanging
chad sketch, Krusty.

241
00:13:01,239 --> 00:13:02,239
(LAUGHING)

242
00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:04,992
Oh, good, you
worked in Judge Ito.

243
00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:07,536
Please put Buck on!
He's my hero!

244
00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:09,580
Plus, he'll work for scale.

245
00:13:09,664 --> 00:13:11,373
Scale minus 10.

246
00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:15,544
I ain't going on
some clown show.
I'm retired.

247
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,297
No one expects you
to do anything difficult.

248
00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:20,174
They understand
you're too old.

249
00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:25,429
Listen, missy. The last
two city-slickers who used
reverse psychology on me

250
00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:27,389
are pushing up daisies.

251
00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:30,726
They're dead?
No, they just
got lousy jobs.

252
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:34,855
You know what?
I bet he can't even
fit into his old costume.

253
00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:37,733
I can't, huh?
You two wait
right here.

254
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:48,827
Let's see,
Texas or Massachusetts?

255
00:13:48,912 --> 00:13:49,953
Texas.

256
00:13:50,038 --> 00:13:52,122
I like the way
you think.

257
00:13:52,707 --> 00:13:54,041
(BUZZING)

258
00:14:11,601 --> 00:14:14,102
(WHISTLING) Boy,
that's some
fancy shooting.

259
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:15,896
Oh, I've seen fancier.

260
00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:22,402
Ooh! Right
in the panhandle!

261
00:14:22,487 --> 00:14:24,071
(CHUCKLES)
Write that down.

262
00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:27,491
Buck, this is
a real honor.

263
00:14:27,825 --> 00:14:31,245
I grew up watching
your horse operas
down at the Bijou.

264
00:14:31,329 --> 00:14:32,538
(LAUGHING)

265
00:14:33,164 --> 00:14:36,375
Yeah, things sure
have changed
since the '50s.

266
00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:38,043
I don't care.

267
00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:42,005
You know,
it's been a long time
since I performed live.

268
00:14:42,257 --> 00:14:44,508
You'll do fine.
Just remember,

269
00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:46,802
there'll be millions
of people watching you.

270
00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:51,807
Millions!

271
00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:57,145
And TV Guide's
Cheers and Jeers editor.

272
00:14:57,230 --> 00:15:00,440
And he's already
given out all his cheers.

273
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:02,818
(GULPING)

274
00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:04,778
ANNOUNCER: Live from
the corner of Zany Avenue

275
00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:06,071
and Martin Luther King
Boulevard,

276
00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:07,614
it's The Krusty
the Klown Show,

277
00:15:07,699 --> 00:15:09,199
with special guest
Buck McCoy.

278
00:15:09,284 --> 00:15:11,577
And now, here's Krusty!

279
00:15:11,661 --> 00:15:13,829
We've got such
a great show tonight.

280
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:16,415
I won't be doing a monologue
because my feet hurt.

281
00:15:16,499 --> 00:15:18,417
And now our opening sketch.

282
00:15:19,502 --> 00:15:20,794
(TEENY CHIRPING)

283
00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:26,008
We don't take kindly
to transvestite chimpanzees
here in Pine Corners!

284
00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:27,342
(LAUGHING)

285
00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:29,803
No one can save you now!

286
00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:31,138
(DRUMROLL)

287
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:36,977
I said, no one
can save you now!

288
00:15:37,228 --> 00:15:39,396
Shut up! I'm coming!

289
00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:40,772
(GULPING)

290
00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:45,235
Oh! Like you're so perfect
with your plastic mane

291
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:49,865
and your painted-on spot.
What's real on you? Nothing!

292
00:15:50,241 --> 00:15:51,450
He's drunk!

293
00:15:51,534 --> 00:15:53,035
I've seen drunker.

294
00:15:54,037 --> 00:15:56,163
Oh, right, yeah, the guns.

295
00:15:57,874 --> 00:15:58,874
(GRUNTS)

296
00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:04,880
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

297
00:16:06,049 --> 00:16:07,174
We're free!

298
00:16:12,347 --> 00:16:13,513
(SCREAMING)

299
00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:17,142
These hilarious
health professionals

300
00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:20,520
will cut me out
of my clothes
after this commercial.

301
00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:21,772
(SIGHS)

302
00:16:21,856 --> 00:16:23,231
What happened, Buck?

303
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:26,276
Did I forget to mention
I'm an alcoholic?

304
00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:28,195
(BOTH GASPING)

305
00:16:29,197 --> 00:16:30,197
(GULPS)

306
00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:33,909
For shame.

307
00:16:37,372 --> 00:16:41,249
This is horrible.
My spit-takes all
have blood in them.

308
00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:43,418
Look, I'm really sorry.

309
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:47,255
Sorry don't suture
my colon! And you're
off my show forever!

310
00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:49,174
(SIGHS)

311
00:16:56,057 --> 00:16:59,434
Bart, I couldn't
help noticing Buck
is a total fraud,

312
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:03,271
so I took
the liberty of creating
a new hero for your wall.

313
00:17:03,398 --> 00:17:04,439
(HOMER GROWLING SENSUALLY)

314
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,441
That is just grotesque.

315
00:17:06,943 --> 00:17:09,319
I thought if you were
looking to worship someone,

316
00:17:09,404 --> 00:17:11,113
maybe it could
be your old man.

317
00:17:11,197 --> 00:17:12,948
Eh. We could try it.

318
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:14,408
Yes!

319
00:17:14,492 --> 00:17:15,492
(SIGHING)

320
00:17:18,246 --> 00:17:20,038
My son lost his hero.

321
00:17:20,248 --> 00:17:22,708
This should be
the greatest night
of my life.

322
00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:24,042
How come I'm not happy?

323
00:17:24,127 --> 00:17:25,752
You care about
Bart's feelings.

324
00:17:25,837 --> 00:17:26,878
Stop saying that!

325
00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:29,589
I think we should
try to restore
Bart's faith in Buck,

326
00:17:29,674 --> 00:17:32,050
and we could start
by getting Buck
to quit drinking.

327
00:17:39,142 --> 00:17:43,770
I'm sorry I let your son down,
but I'm too old to change.

328
00:17:44,147 --> 00:17:45,564
Oh, listen to you!

329
00:17:45,648 --> 00:17:48,233
(MIMICKING BUCK)
"I'm too old to change."

330
00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:49,317
(CRYING)

331
00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:50,569
How old are you?

332
00:17:50,653 --> 00:17:51,778
Seventy-six.

333
00:17:51,863 --> 00:17:55,365
(EXCLAIMS) Nice old man.
Don't break a hip.

334
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,410
Have we gotten
all the liquor?

335
00:17:58,494 --> 00:18:01,079
That painting is
made of liquor.

336
00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:09,421
I was drinking so much
I forgot what life was about.

337
00:18:09,797 --> 00:18:13,842
Gold! (LAUGHING) Gold!
Beautiful gold!

338
00:18:14,051 --> 00:18:16,261
Nuggets as big
as your fists!

339
00:18:16,345 --> 00:18:19,681
You guys are sick.
I don't belong here.

340
00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:24,102
Buck, if you walk out
that door, you'll be
branded a quitter forever.

341
00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:29,816
(SNIFFING) Mmm!

342
00:18:29,901 --> 00:18:32,110
Something smells delicious!

343
00:18:32,195 --> 00:18:34,613
Well, that's it.
This place ain't for me.

344
00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:38,450
Well, we're not giving up.
We're going to
cure you of drinking.

345
00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:43,079
Look, I worked long
and hard, got rich,
and now I'm retired.

346
00:18:43,247 --> 00:18:45,665
Why shouldn't I be
able to drink all I want?

347
00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:48,251
Well, I don't know.
I just naturally

348
00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:50,462
assumed it was
some of my business.

349
00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:54,007
Well, I don't see how
it is. Nobody's even
told me your name yet.

350
00:18:56,052 --> 00:18:57,969
I'm still not
giving up on Buck.

351
00:18:58,054 --> 00:19:01,556
There must be
some harebrained,
half-assed way...

352
00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:02,641
This just in.

353
00:19:02,725 --> 00:19:06,478
A robbery is in progress
at the National Bank
of Springfield.

354
00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:10,524
The robbers are equipped
with the latest in high-tech
weaponry and body armor.

355
00:19:10,608 --> 00:19:12,609
Stay back, coppers!

356
00:19:15,530 --> 00:19:18,073
Uh, please, everyone!
Stay away!

357
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:22,911
We don't want
anyone to be a hero!
A hero! A hero!

358
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:26,164
Get me Buck McCoy!

359
00:19:26,249 --> 00:19:27,874
LISA: Dad, I'm on the line!

360
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:32,295
Here you go.
Just stop this bank robbery
and you'll be a hero again.

361
00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:36,007
I'll wait in the car.
Are you crazy?
I'm a movie cowboy.

362
00:19:36,092 --> 00:19:38,301
And you're no Howard Hawks.

363
00:19:38,386 --> 00:19:39,511
That hurts.

364
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:41,513
But I just have
one question.

365
00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:44,516
Do you want my son
to be disappointed
in you?

366
00:19:46,227 --> 00:19:47,310
Fine.

367
00:19:50,439 --> 00:19:52,232
You don't need that.

368
00:19:53,818 --> 00:19:56,486
Way to go, Buck.
I feel my faith
growing anew!

369
00:19:56,571 --> 00:19:58,697
Better get rid of this, too.

370
00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:01,408
Not to mention this.

371
00:20:02,118 --> 00:20:05,287
Whoa! There's nothing wrong
with a little "hey-hey!"

372
00:20:05,371 --> 00:20:06,621
(CHUCKLING)

373
00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:12,460
Fun's over, boys!
Drop the hardware
and mosey!

374
00:20:14,505 --> 00:20:18,675
I'm firing at the lasso,
but the bullets just
go through the middle!

375
00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:20,385
It's the ultimate weapon.

376
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:25,181
(GRUNTS)

377
00:20:27,518 --> 00:20:28,894
(GRUNTING)

378
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,440
(GRUNTING)

379
00:20:33,524 --> 00:20:36,192
Wow. That sure
made us look bad.

380
00:20:36,277 --> 00:20:38,403
Slink away, boys.
Slink away.

381
00:20:41,657 --> 00:20:44,117
Buck, you're
my hero again.

382
00:20:44,201 --> 00:20:46,077
Aren't you
forgetting someone?

383
00:20:46,454 --> 00:20:51,082
Well, there's Krusty,
Itchy, Scratchy, Poochie,
America's Fire Fighters,

384
00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:52,250
and then you, Dad.

385
00:20:52,335 --> 00:20:53,543
(CHUCKLING)

386
00:20:53,878 --> 00:20:56,087
And don't you forget it.

387
00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:57,839
(SIGHING) Oh!

388
00:20:58,341 --> 00:21:02,093
Goodbye, Bart!
Never bother me again!

389
00:21:02,345 --> 00:21:03,678
(URGING HORSE)

390
00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:05,430
(TRIUMPHANT WESTERN
MUSIC PLAYING)

391
00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:06,765
(ALL CHEERING)

392
00:21:09,018 --> 00:21:10,226
(HORSE SNORTING)

393
00:21:37,838 --> 00:21:38,838
(SCREAMING)

394
00:21:39,048 --> 00:21:40,048
(BARKING)

395
00:21:41,050 --> 00:21:42,550
(DOG GROWLING)

396
00:22:33,394 --> 00:22:34,436
English - US - PSDH