1
00:00:03,879 --> 00:00:07,006
(SINGING) The Simpsons

2
00:00:07,091 --> 00:00:08,341
(TIRES SCREECHING)

3
00:00:10,219 --> 00:00:11,302
D'oh!

4
00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:12,512
(SCREAMS)

5
00:00:12,596 --> 00:00:13,596
(BRAKES SCREECHING)

6
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,017
What the...

7
00:00:29,780 --> 00:00:30,863
(CHUCKLING)

8
00:00:30,948 --> 00:00:33,783
Honey, I've got some
bad news for you.

9
00:00:33,951 --> 00:00:36,994
Not now, Marge. I'm waiting
for the new XFL season!

10
00:00:37,079 --> 00:00:39,872
Who will win this year's
million-dollar game?

11
00:00:39,957 --> 00:00:41,374
Who? Who?

12
00:00:41,458 --> 00:00:42,458
Honey.

13
00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:44,335
The "X" is for "Extreme."

14
00:00:44,420 --> 00:00:47,380
There is no XFL
this year.

15
00:00:47,464 --> 00:00:48,673
The league folded.

16
00:00:48,757 --> 00:00:49,757
(EXCLAIMS)

17
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,009
Who told you?

18
00:00:52,094 --> 00:00:53,594
Last year's MVP.

19
00:00:53,846 --> 00:00:56,597
He sweeps up toenails
at the beauty parlor.

20
00:00:56,682 --> 00:00:57,932
(PHONE RINGING)

21
00:00:58,350 --> 00:00:59,851
Hello?
AUTOMATED VOICE: Hello.

22
00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:02,729
This is the Springfield
Retirement Castle.

23
00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:03,813
Your parent...

24
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:05,440
ABE'S RECORDED VOICE:
Abraham Simpson.

25
00:01:05,691 --> 00:01:07,650
...is dead.
Oh, my God!

26
00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:09,736
He died from...

27
00:01:09,820 --> 00:01:12,113
Complications of
a medical nature.

28
00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:15,742
The nursing home
was not responsible.

29
00:01:16,452 --> 00:01:19,287
Homer, your father's dead.

30
00:01:19,371 --> 00:01:20,747
(CRYING)

31
00:01:21,665 --> 00:01:24,917
And he never even
lived to be a vegetable.

32
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,212
(CRYING)

33
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,424
I'm really gonna miss him.

34
00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:32,508
(SNIFFING)

35
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,343
It's Grampa's smell.

36
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,012
(BART READING)

37
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:40,099
Oh, my dad never even
knew how I felt about him.

38
00:01:40,184 --> 00:01:43,102
But you were very
open with your feelings.

39
00:01:43,187 --> 00:01:47,815
Sure, I said I loved him,
but never that I was
in love with him.

40
00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:49,192
(CONTINUES CRYING)

41
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:50,860
ABE: What are you
crying about?

42
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:52,779
You don't have to live here.

43
00:01:52,863 --> 00:01:53,863
Dad!

44
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:55,323
Grampa!
Grampa!

45
00:01:55,407 --> 00:01:58,242
Stop it! You're
stretching out my skin.

46
00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:00,578
(GRUNTS)

47
00:02:01,038 --> 00:02:02,622
What's got into you punks?

48
00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:04,665
The home told
us you were dead.

49
00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:09,712
Me? I ain't dead.
It was Stamson
down the hall.

50
00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:12,757
So much for Mr. I Can
Button My Own Shirt.

51
00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:13,841
(LAUGHING)

52
00:02:13,926 --> 00:02:15,176
Oh, Dad.

53
00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:19,514
We've got what
people never get.
A second chance.

54
00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:22,475
Yeah, there's so
many things we can...

55
00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:26,395
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We'll call you
or send you some fruit.

56
00:02:26,563 --> 00:02:29,357
Look, Grampa.
You're already
getting a new neighbor.

57
00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:33,486
Hi. I'm Zelda.
I put the "ass"
in assisted living.

58
00:02:33,737 --> 00:02:35,321
Holy mac...

59
00:02:35,739 --> 00:02:36,739
(CHUCKLES)

60
00:02:37,074 --> 00:02:39,909
Abe Simpson's the name,
and now that you're here,

61
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:44,080
I'm changing
my instructions
to "do resuscitate."

62
00:02:44,957 --> 00:02:48,125
Now, let me show you around.
Over there are the preppies...

63
00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:49,210
(GULPING)

64
00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:54,131
And over there's the comatose,
and the cool comatose.

65
00:02:54,758 --> 00:02:58,344
Hey, who's the tall
drink of Maalox?

66
00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:01,556
Are you young ladies
here to visit your mothers?

67
00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:02,765
(ALL GIGGLING)

68
00:03:02,933 --> 00:03:08,062
Eh, that's Zack.
He's as smooth as
a 50-year-old behind.

69
00:03:08,272 --> 00:03:11,232
Who wants to go
get some sweet corn
in my minivan?

70
00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:13,484
(ALL GASPING)
It's got a wheelchair lift.

71
00:03:13,569 --> 00:03:14,694
(ALL EXCLAIM)

72
00:03:14,778 --> 00:03:15,945
(ALL BREATHING HEAVILY)

73
00:03:16,488 --> 00:03:18,698
If you can drive,
they're all over you.

74
00:03:18,782 --> 00:03:22,076
I used to drive,
but they pulled my license.

75
00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:28,958
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

76
00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:31,878
Is this the Dairy Queen?

77
00:03:32,004 --> 00:03:33,796
(MOANING)

78
00:03:37,593 --> 00:03:41,429
But Zelda, if you're
looking for something
with a big backseat

79
00:03:41,513 --> 00:03:45,141
and a lot of gas,
I'm your man.

80
00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:46,684
Oh!

81
00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:48,769
You've never heard
Garrison Keillor

82
00:03:48,854 --> 00:03:51,522
till you've heard him
through five speakers.
(CHUCKLES)

83
00:03:51,607 --> 00:03:52,607
(GRUNTING)

84
00:03:52,691 --> 00:03:53,691
Tramp.

85
00:03:54,526 --> 00:03:55,818
BART: B-6.

86
00:03:56,695 --> 00:03:58,446
You sunk my Scrabbleship.

87
00:03:58,530 --> 00:04:00,239
This game makes no sense.

88
00:04:00,324 --> 00:04:03,284
Tell that to the good men
who just lost their lives.

89
00:04:03,368 --> 00:04:04,702
Semper Fi.

90
00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:06,913
I want to drive again!

91
00:04:06,997 --> 00:04:09,665
You? No way!
It's too dangerous.

92
00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:13,836
Well, you're no
angel behind the wheel.
What about your DUI?

93
00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:16,464
That was a DWI!

94
00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:18,007
Give Grampa a chance.

95
00:04:18,342 --> 00:04:19,926
Statistics show that
old people drive

96
00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:21,886
at least as well
as sleep-deprived apes.

97
00:04:22,471 --> 00:04:26,849
Please, Son.
Driving is my last
chance to feel alive.

98
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:30,853
Well, you brought me
into this world, so no!

99
00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:33,689
Fine. I'm dead.

100
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:36,692
Dad, get up.

101
00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:37,944
No, I'm dead.

102
00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:39,487
Grampa, come on.

103
00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:40,613
Dead!

104
00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:44,033
Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead!

105
00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:48,329
All right, Grampa.
I'll help you get
your license back.

106
00:04:48,664 --> 00:04:50,957
Woo-hoo! And I want
driving gloves.

107
00:04:51,041 --> 00:04:52,041
No way!

108
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:55,294
Dead, dead, dead, dead!

109
00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:03,719
First of all, I'd like to ask
if anyone has any questions.

110
00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,221
Yeah. Where's the men's room?

111
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:07,014
It's down the hall.

112
00:05:07,099 --> 00:05:08,224
(COUGHING)

113
00:05:08,892 --> 00:05:12,311
Okay. Now, let's pretend
that we're going for a drive.

114
00:05:12,396 --> 00:05:13,980
(STEERING WHEELS SQUEAKING)

115
00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:18,234
Leo, slow down.
That looks like
a nice place to eat.

116
00:05:18,694 --> 00:05:20,528
Carla's daughter works
in that building.

117
00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:22,154
You know,
it's kind of ironic.

118
00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:24,115
These old people
are being kept alive

119
00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:26,534
by the organs
of the young people
they ran over.

120
00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:28,077
Makes you think,
huh, Chief?

121
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,203
Not really.

122
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,205
PATTY: Next!

123
00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:33,541
Grampa's here to get
his driver's license.

124
00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:36,752
Okay. Look at the eye chart
and cover your left eye.

125
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:41,465
That's my seeing eye.
The right one's
my winking eye.

126
00:05:42,134 --> 00:05:43,300
(CHUCKLING)

127
00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:46,429
I'll give you your license
if you never do that again.

128
00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:49,432
Oh, everything's
the last time
I do everything.

129
00:05:50,142 --> 00:05:52,768
Can't you just use
this recent photo?

130
00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:56,814
Mmm. (GRUNTS) All right.

131
00:05:58,525 --> 00:05:59,608
Here you go.

132
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:00,776
Woo-hoo!

133
00:06:01,987 --> 00:06:03,988
Who's laughing now?

134
00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:05,364
(LAUGHING)

135
00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:07,158
Shut up!

136
00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:10,536
(SLURPING)

137
00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:11,787
(SCATTING)

138
00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:17,001
What's the scoop,
milkshakes?

139
00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:20,713
I got me a date with Zelda,
so I need the car.

140
00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:24,633
Oh, no.
I'm not giving you my car.
You'd probably drive it.

141
00:06:25,427 --> 00:06:29,722
You don't trust your old man?
You ungrateful milkshake.

142
00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:31,265
Why don't we double-date?

143
00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:34,268
Then the restaurant
will have to
give us that booth.

144
00:06:34,352 --> 00:06:38,439
Wow, a booth.
If I'm tired,
I can just lie down.

145
00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:41,067
(BRAKES SCREECHING)

146
00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:46,739
Cut it out! I can
work the brake myself.

147
00:06:47,032 --> 00:06:48,491
No, you can't.

148
00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:49,575
(BRAKES SCREECHING)

149
00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:51,702
You're slow to react, Dad.

150
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:54,413
Baloney!

151
00:06:54,873 --> 00:06:57,917
(WHOOPS) This is the best
party of my life.

152
00:06:58,001 --> 00:07:00,669
Bro, you tapped
the septic tank.

153
00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:04,173
Dude sure got
his comeuppance.

154
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,257
(LAUGHING)

155
00:07:05,509 --> 00:07:07,551
In real life,
he would die.

156
00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:09,011
(MOANING)

157
00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:11,597
Oh, Abe.
Oh, Zelda.

158
00:07:11,723 --> 00:07:14,225
(GRUNTS IN DISGUST)
Hey, watch the movie.

159
00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:17,478
Movies were better
in our day.

160
00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:20,689
For a nickel you got
two movies, a cartoon,

161
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,983
a bag of popcorn
and a whipping.

162
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,027
Kept your mind
on your business.

163
00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:28,072
Hop in, beautiful.

164
00:07:30,075 --> 00:07:31,075
(HUMMING)

165
00:07:31,159 --> 00:07:32,118
(SHARP DRESSED MAN PLAYING)

166
00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:34,912
'Cause every girl's crazy
'bout a sharp dressed man

167
00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:42,795
Now, there's a few things
I want to say to you, Zelda.

168
00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:45,297
Save your breath.
Seriously.

169
00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:49,051
Well, I gotta do something
before the Viagra kicks in.

170
00:07:49,553 --> 00:07:51,679
I know.
I'll suck my teeth.

171
00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:53,013
(SUCKING NOISILY)

172
00:07:54,099 --> 00:07:56,016
Whoa! Here we go.

173
00:07:56,101 --> 00:07:57,393
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

174
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:01,897
(HUMMING)

175
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:07,319
Give me those keys!

176
00:08:07,404 --> 00:08:09,446
Do you have any idea
what you put us through?

177
00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:13,367
I called the police,
the hospital,
my bookie, the kennel...

178
00:08:13,577 --> 00:08:15,703
Okay, this isn't
about who I called.

179
00:08:15,787 --> 00:08:17,913
See you later.
I'm going to the library.

180
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:21,876
Lisa gets to do
what she wants
and you don't yell at her.

181
00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,253
Hey, I've earned their trust.

182
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:30,801
Oh! Everybody trusts Lisa.
Precious little Lisa.
Apple of her daddy's eye.

183
00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:35,014
Lisa doesn't borrow my car
and stay out all night
with some hoochie.

184
00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:36,182
(GASPS)

185
00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:37,725
She's no hoochie.

186
00:08:37,809 --> 00:08:40,269
Her name is Zelda
and she understands me.

187
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:43,772
Grampa, I gotta tell you,
she's a stone-cold hoochie.

188
00:08:43,899 --> 00:08:47,193
Straight up, Marge.
That hoochie only likes
you because you can drive.

189
00:08:47,277 --> 00:08:50,404
Shut up!
You don't know her!
Zelda loves me!

190
00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:52,907
I hate this house!

191
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:55,284
(BIG BAND MUSIC BLARING)

192
00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:03,459
Turn that down!
You call that music?

193
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:04,585
(MUSIC STOPS)

194
00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:06,712
I just don't know
what to do.

195
00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:08,797
He used to be
such an angel.

196
00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:11,133
Maybe you should give
him another chance.

197
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:14,845
No. He's gotta learn, Marge.
The way my dad made me learn.

198
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,597
He is your dad.

199
00:09:17,849 --> 00:09:18,891
Cosmic.

200
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:24,063
Hey, Abe, what are
you doing here?

201
00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:26,482
We heard you lost
your driving privileges.

202
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:30,319
Well, for your information,
I can still
drive to the store,

203
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:33,572
but I have to be back
in five minutes with
these things for the baby.

204
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:38,911
Oh, Gentlemen,
the new scratch-and-win
tickets are out today.

205
00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:40,913
I'll take one, Achu.

206
00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:42,831
No, not "chu," "pu."

207
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:44,792
I got troubles with both.

208
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:46,502
(ALL SCRATCHING)

209
00:09:47,045 --> 00:09:49,421
Finally the shakes
are working for me.

210
00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:50,923
Pardon me, sir.

211
00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:55,094
Your scrapings have landed
on my jacket from
Planet Hollywood, Orlando.

212
00:09:55,178 --> 00:09:56,387
So, what if it did?

213
00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:58,514
So, it is very thoughtless.

214
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:02,309
I should cut you
like I cut sodium
out of my diet.

215
00:10:02,477 --> 00:10:07,064
You don't scare me
with your dignity
and your subtle cologne.

216
00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:09,775
Then perhaps you should
be taught a lesson by us,

217
00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:12,361
Los Souvenir Jacquitos!

218
00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:15,155
Bring it on.

219
00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:19,702
Please, gentlemen.
Violence is not the answer.

220
00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:21,120
Then what is?

221
00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:22,538
Some sort of death race?

222
00:10:22,664 --> 00:10:23,664
That's what I would do.

223
00:10:23,748 --> 00:10:25,457
Very well, Viejo.

224
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:27,918
You shall have
your death race.

225
00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:29,461
(STAMMERING)

226
00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:30,838
Death race?

227
00:10:30,922 --> 00:10:33,966
And another thing.
No death races.

228
00:10:34,926 --> 00:10:36,510
Oh, I better not.

229
00:10:36,594 --> 00:10:38,637
(TAUNTING)

230
00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:43,851
Fine! I'll meet you
at the abandoned aqueduct.

231
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,352
For the death race?

232
00:10:45,437 --> 00:10:46,603
Yes, the death race.

233
00:10:48,523 --> 00:10:51,400
All right,
seniors and señores,

234
00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:55,779
whichever car makes it
through that tunnel
first is the winner.

235
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:58,157
But it's only big
enough for one car.

236
00:10:58,241 --> 00:11:00,159
What are you
scared of, old man?

237
00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:04,705
Everything. Dogs, Dutchmen,
the gathering darkness.

238
00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:07,958
All right. When I yank down
my girlfriend's tube top,

239
00:11:08,043 --> 00:11:09,793
the race will begin.

240
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:13,756
What? I'm just trying
to bring you into my world.

241
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:15,090
(SIGHING) Just go.

242
00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:16,967
(TIRES SCREECHING)

243
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,100
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

244
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:28,520
(TIRES SCREECHING)

245
00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:29,980
(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

246
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:34,943
(ALL EXCLAIMING)

247
00:11:36,613 --> 00:11:39,573
Old friend,
your jacket,
she burns.

248
00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:41,116
Then I burn with her,

249
00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:44,036
for I would rather die
than have people not know

250
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,829
what stores I have been to.

251
00:11:46,081 --> 00:11:47,289
(ALL CHEERING)

252
00:11:47,791 --> 00:11:48,791
Whoo-hoo!

253
00:11:49,292 --> 00:11:52,211
We're the baddest punks
in our age bracket!

254
00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:56,173
(ALL SCREAMING)

255
00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:58,092
(ALL COUGHING)

256
00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:03,180
(BIRDS SQUAWKING)

257
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,397
My beard.
I broke my beard.

258
00:12:11,648 --> 00:12:12,648
(GRUNTS)

259
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:15,651
Oh, my God!
We can't let Homer know.

260
00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:17,486
(YAWNING)

261
00:12:17,821 --> 00:12:19,029
(GROANING)

262
00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:21,156
(MUMBLING)

263
00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:23,283
(EXCLAIMS)

264
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:27,496
Oh! That is it!
Abraham J. Simpson,

265
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:32,292
you are never
driving again! Ever!

266
00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:35,462
(GROANS)

267
00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:38,882
I can't believe I cracked
up my only set of wheels.

268
00:12:38,967 --> 00:12:39,967
(CLANGING)

269
00:12:41,553 --> 00:12:42,803
Go home!

270
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:49,143
Put on a smile, high-pants.
I've got a surprise for you.

271
00:12:49,227 --> 00:12:52,020
I've booked us
a room for the weekend
in Branson, Missouri.

272
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:53,897
The Gritz Carlton Hotel.

273
00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:57,109
Oh! That's great,
but there's a slight hitch.

274
00:12:57,193 --> 00:13:00,571
You see,
I'm temporarily
between cars.

275
00:13:00,864 --> 00:13:01,864
(GASPS)

276
00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:05,909
But we don't need
anything to have fun
but ourselves.

277
00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:11,206
(SINGING)
Give me that old time fun
Give me that old time fun

278
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:15,294
Give me that old time fun

279
00:13:15,378 --> 00:13:17,880
The kind where we stay home

280
00:13:18,173 --> 00:13:20,632
Zelda, may I
offer you a lift?

281
00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:24,511
No!

282
00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:28,390
Don't feel bad, Abe.

283
00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:31,768
I'll always think of you
as my friend without a car.

284
00:13:32,896 --> 00:13:37,024
Don't go, Zelda! I love you!

285
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:42,321
Zelda, I'm gonna make
you forget about
your grandchildren.

286
00:13:44,908 --> 00:13:47,326
Oh, what'll I do?

287
00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:48,827
(CLEARING THROAT)

288
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,415
Hey, Grampa.
Stealing Mom's car?

289
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,667
Yeah, it's the only
way to win back Zelda.

290
00:13:55,752 --> 00:13:58,670
And if I go to prison,
I'll get better food
and more hugs.

291
00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:02,007
Uh, it's actually blue
wire to yellow wire.

292
00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:03,258
It is?

293
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:04,885
(ENGINE STARTING)

294
00:14:05,303 --> 00:14:07,429
Hot diggety Dodge!

295
00:14:07,972 --> 00:14:10,724
Next stop, Branson, Missouri!

296
00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:11,850
Can I tag along?

297
00:14:11,935 --> 00:14:13,769
Sure, why not?
School ain't helping you.

298
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:14,853
(BORN TO BE WILD PLAYING)

299
00:14:14,938 --> 00:14:17,147
Born to be wild

300
00:14:20,151 --> 00:14:22,402
Oh, I hate this hippie crap.

301
00:14:22,487 --> 00:14:26,198
RADIO ANNOUNCER: And now,
WOMB, warm and safe radio,

302
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:30,035
takes you back
to the golden age
of radio theater.

303
00:14:30,119 --> 00:14:32,496
ANNOUNCER 2: It's The Itchy
and Scratchy Hour,

304
00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:34,915
presented by
Hansen's Moustache Wax,

305
00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:38,085
the moustache wax
Hitler doesn't use.

306
00:14:38,962 --> 00:14:41,880
(SINGING) They Fight, and Bite
They Fight and Fight and Bite

307
00:14:41,965 --> 00:14:46,385
Fight, fight, fight,
bite, bite, bite
The Itchy and Scratchy Show

308
00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:48,220
ANNOUNCER 2: As we join
tonight's adventure,

309
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:51,473
we find Itchy at the counter
of his butcher shop.

310
00:14:51,599 --> 00:14:53,141
(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)

311
00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:54,685
ITCHY: Hiya, Scratchy.

312
00:14:54,769 --> 00:14:55,769
(APPLAUSE)

313
00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:57,104
(SCRATCHY EXCLAIMING)

314
00:14:57,814 --> 00:14:59,731
SCRATCHY: You're
crushing my head!

315
00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:01,233
(BOTH LAUGHING)

316
00:15:02,944 --> 00:15:06,405
During the war,
Eleanor Roosevelt
was the voice of Scratchy.

317
00:15:06,489 --> 00:15:07,948
The lady knows funny.

318
00:15:09,659 --> 00:15:12,703
First he wrecks your car,
then he steals mine.

319
00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:14,788
Your father's
out of control.

320
00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:18,584
Oh, sure, when he does
something bad,
he's my father.

321
00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:20,002
He must've dropped this.

322
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:23,005
(MARGE READING)

323
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:24,381
We've gotta
go after them!

324
00:15:24,465 --> 00:15:25,549
But how?

325
00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:29,261
Branson is
a thousand miles away,
and we've got no car.

326
00:15:30,013 --> 00:15:31,305
(BUS HONKING)

327
00:15:32,015 --> 00:15:33,307
Oh! That was lucky.

328
00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:34,474
Come on, boys.

329
00:15:34,559 --> 00:15:35,976
(BOYS CHEERING)

330
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:39,938
Uh, we'll wait
for the next one.

331
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:42,441
(BRAKES SCREECHING)

332
00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:43,775
What are those, Grampa?

333
00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:45,694
These are hobo signs.

334
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:49,364
They're to tell
other hobos if a place
is friendly or not.

335
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:53,327
That one means good vittles.
Sexy daughter.

336
00:15:53,995 --> 00:15:56,121
Mass hobo grave in cellar.

337
00:15:56,205 --> 00:15:57,414
(BOTH EXCLAIM)

338
00:16:01,252 --> 00:16:02,544
(TIRES SCREECHING)

339
00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:08,258
Here we are.
Branson, Missouri.

340
00:16:08,343 --> 00:16:10,969
No, pally.
This is Bronson, Missouri.

341
00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:12,971
Mmm. Hey.

342
00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:15,641
Well, how do we
get to Branson?

343
00:16:15,725 --> 00:16:17,100
Number 10 bus.

344
00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:19,853
Hey, Ma, how about
some cookies?

345
00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:20,979
No dice.

346
00:16:21,064 --> 00:16:22,230
This ain't over.

347
00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:25,150
(GASPING) There it is!

348
00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:28,028
ABE: That's the glitziest
"Welcome To" sign ever!

349
00:16:28,112 --> 00:16:29,529
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

350
00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:31,907
Whoa!

351
00:16:37,455 --> 00:16:39,623
Okay, keep an eye
peeled for Zelda.

352
00:16:39,707 --> 00:16:40,916
Is that her?
No.

353
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,167
Is that her?
No.

354
00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:43,460
Is that her?
No.

355
00:16:43,544 --> 00:16:45,337
Is that her?
No!

356
00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:46,505
Wait. It was
the second one.

357
00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:47,631
(TIRES SCREECHING)

358
00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:49,591
Zelda, baby, it's me!

359
00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:52,302
Two seniors, please.

360
00:16:52,387 --> 00:16:56,765
Oh, no! He's taking
her to the hottest
matinee in town.

361
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,935
Come on, boy. After them!

362
00:17:01,229 --> 00:17:02,896
(OMINOUS CLASSICAL
MUSIC PLAYING)

363
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:13,573
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
(SINGING) Remember the stars
you loved yesterday

364
00:17:13,908 --> 00:17:16,952
Where did they go?
Did they all pass away?

365
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:20,706
Was it drugs or a car crash
Or facelift gone wrong?

366
00:17:20,790 --> 00:17:22,958
No, they're right here
in Branson

367
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:30,006
And singing this song

368
00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:33,885
My name is Charo
I shake my maracas

369
00:17:37,473 --> 00:17:41,059
Remember me, fool?
I was B. A. Baracus

370
00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:48,400
We're the performers
You thought were dead

371
00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:52,154
Like Bonnie Franklin
and Adrian Zmed

372
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:55,532
Branson's the place
We can always be found

373
00:17:55,616 --> 00:17:59,578
They took Nick at Nite
And made it a town

374
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:06,626
You can call me Ray
Or you can call me Jay

375
00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:10,172
Just don't call me washed up
I do three shows a day

376
00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:15,552
Charlie Callas doesn't
sleep in the ground

377
00:18:15,636 --> 00:18:19,389
Yes, I'm still alive
And I'm making my sounds

378
00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:20,974
(VOCALIZING)

379
00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:28,732
So sit back, relax
And watch our revue

380
00:18:29,025 --> 00:18:31,359
In Soviet Union

381
00:18:31,903 --> 00:18:36,364
Revue watches you

382
00:18:38,701 --> 00:18:42,204
Tennessee Ernie Ford?
Now, I know you're dead.

383
00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:44,664
No. You just think I'm dead.

384
00:18:45,082 --> 00:18:47,751
No, you're dead.
I was your biggest fan.

385
00:18:47,835 --> 00:18:49,586
Look, I clipped
your obituary.

386
00:18:50,588 --> 00:18:51,671
(GASPS)

387
00:18:57,887 --> 00:19:00,263
Let's take a quick
gambling break.

388
00:19:00,348 --> 00:19:03,141
A little action
will really
sharpen our senses.

389
00:19:03,226 --> 00:19:05,185
Mom, there's no
gambling in Branson.

390
00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:07,854
It was designed as
a family destination.

391
00:19:07,939 --> 00:19:09,981
Oh, no, there's gambling.

392
00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:11,149
We just have to find it!

393
00:19:11,234 --> 00:19:12,984
Look, Mom, it's your car.

394
00:19:13,069 --> 00:19:15,320
Grampa and Bart must
be in that theater.

395
00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:17,656
Bet you they're not.
Three to one.
How much you got?

396
00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:19,533
Mom, you're hurting me.

397
00:19:21,202 --> 00:19:22,661
Grampa, look over there.

398
00:19:22,745 --> 00:19:25,038
It's Captain Bringdown
and The Buzzkillers.

399
00:19:25,122 --> 00:19:27,457
If you're gonna
make your move,
you better do it quick.

400
00:19:27,542 --> 00:19:28,583
Mmm...

401
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:33,171
Wait! Stop the music!

402
00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:34,381
(MUSIC STOPS)

403
00:19:34,465 --> 00:19:35,799
A-ha! Oh!

404
00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:38,093
It's Grampa!
Munster?

405
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,344
No, Simpson.

406
00:19:39,428 --> 00:19:42,097
Oh, darn, darn, darn!

407
00:19:43,599 --> 00:19:47,561
I've driven hundreds of miles
to say something very special

408
00:19:47,728 --> 00:19:50,230
to someone in
this audience tonight.

409
00:19:50,314 --> 00:19:51,690
ALL: Aw!

410
00:19:51,774 --> 00:19:52,774
Huh?

411
00:19:53,234 --> 00:19:55,527
Zelda, will you
come up here?

412
00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:56,987
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

413
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:01,241
Drive me, Abe.
Drive me.

414
00:20:01,325 --> 00:20:04,452
I just want to
say we're through!

415
00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:08,623
Nobody dumps Abe Simpson.
You're nothing but a hoochie.

416
00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:10,876
Hoochie, hoochie, hoochie!

417
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,253
ALL: (CHANTING)
Hoochie, hoochie, hoochie!

418
00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:14,921
Hoochie, hoochie, hoochie!

419
00:20:15,089 --> 00:20:16,256
(EXCLAIMING)

420
00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:20,260
Now I'd like my son
to come up here.

421
00:20:20,469 --> 00:20:21,636
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

422
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:22,888
(AUDIENCE WHISTLING)

423
00:20:22,972 --> 00:20:25,682
Son, can you
forgive an old fool?

424
00:20:25,766 --> 00:20:27,350
Only in public.

425
00:20:27,602 --> 00:20:28,602
BOTH: Oh!

426
00:20:28,686 --> 00:20:29,895
AUDIENCE: Aw!

427
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,064
Now, let's go home.

428
00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:40,488
In Russia, stage is
for performers only.

429
00:20:40,615 --> 00:20:41,740
(VOCALIZING)

430
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,080
(VOCALIZING CONTINUES)

431
00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:50,790
(THE BALLAD
OF JED CLAMPETT PLAYING)

432
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:57,464
(SNORING)

433
00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:02,177
(GRUNTS)

434
00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:10,143
(SNORING)

435
00:21:13,314 --> 00:21:14,272
Hey!

436
00:21:14,357 --> 00:21:15,523
(EXCLAIMS)

437
00:21:29,372 --> 00:21:32,248
LISA: (IN SOUTHERN ACCENT)
This has been
a Gracie Films presentation!

438
00:21:38,172 --> 00:21:39,172
English - US - PSDH