1
00:00:03,879 --> 00:00:07,048
(SINGING) The Simpsons

2
00:00:07,132 --> 00:00:08,132
(TIRES SCREECHING)

3
00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:11,427
D'oh!

4
00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:12,512
(SCREAMS)

5
00:00:12,596 --> 00:00:13,596
(BRAKES SCREECHING)

6
00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:29,570
All right, family.

7
00:00:29,655 --> 00:00:32,365
Who can guess
what's different
about dinner tonight?

8
00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:34,283
(EXCLAIMS INDIFFERENTLY)
Same old garbage.

9
00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:35,660
(ALL LAUGHING)

10
00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:38,329
This guy's always on!

11
00:00:38,414 --> 00:00:40,581
Oh, you two.

12
00:00:40,666 --> 00:00:43,918
We're eating
genetically modified
vegetables.

13
00:00:44,002 --> 00:00:45,795
Look how big they are!

14
00:00:46,672 --> 00:00:48,214
This corn doesn't
look so big.

15
00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:49,966
That's baby corn.

16
00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:51,467
(EXCLAIMS IN DISBELIEF)
What?

17
00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:54,887
American corporations
should stop playing God
with nature.

18
00:00:54,972 --> 00:00:56,806
There's nothing
to be afraid of.

19
00:00:56,890 --> 00:01:00,685
They're all grown by
the vegetable division
of Union Carbide.

20
00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:04,313
Mom, my potato
is eating a carrot!

21
00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:11,446
That's it. From now on,
I'm growing all our
vegetables myself.

22
00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:19,912
(CAWING)

23
00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:22,498
Go away! Go away!

24
00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:26,919
What you doing, Mom?

25
00:01:27,004 --> 00:01:30,131
I've tried heckling them.
I've tried jeckling them.

26
00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:33,342
It's time I made
myself a scarecrow.

27
00:01:49,067 --> 00:01:50,067
(GASPS)

28
00:01:50,903 --> 00:01:52,612
Go away! Go away!

29
00:01:52,696 --> 00:01:53,738
"...in God,
the Father Almighty

30
00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:54,781
"Creator of
heaven and earth..."

31
00:01:54,865 --> 00:01:55,907
Shoo! Shoo!

32
00:01:55,991 --> 00:01:56,991
(SCREAMING)

33
00:02:00,496 --> 00:02:03,039
"Heaven and earth..."
Where were we?
Now I'm lost.

34
00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:05,708
(CAWING)

35
00:02:09,838 --> 00:02:13,174
Yeah, I did it!
Marge is in the house!

36
00:02:13,425 --> 00:02:15,760
I will be soon.
Because it needs
some cleaning!

37
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:20,014
(WHISTLING)

38
00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:21,682
Huh?

39
00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:24,060
(SHRIEKS)

40
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:26,270
I'll regroup
at Red Lobster.

41
00:02:30,734 --> 00:02:33,027
(SHOUTING)

42
00:02:36,532 --> 00:02:39,200
You ain't pretty no more!

43
00:02:39,284 --> 00:02:40,493
(CAWING)

44
00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:47,208
Look.
I've made some friends.
Now, go do my bidding!

45
00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:49,293
Uh...
Whatever it may be.

46
00:02:49,378 --> 00:02:50,545
(CAWING)

47
00:02:56,760 --> 00:03:00,137
So, Lisa says
by killing their enemy
I became the alpha crow.

48
00:03:00,222 --> 00:03:02,390
I got to admit.
I'm kind of nervous here.

49
00:03:02,474 --> 00:03:05,017
We haven't seen Barney
since they enveloped him.

50
00:03:05,102 --> 00:03:08,604
I'm sure he'll turn up.
Look, here's one
of his buttons.

51
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:12,233
All right, that's it.
Get them out of here!
This ain't no crow bar!

52
00:03:12,317 --> 00:03:17,780
This is a crow bar! See?
They got the little
stools and everything.

53
00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:21,951
That's Russell Crow,
Cameron Crow,

54
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:25,121
Crow Diddley,
Hume Crow-nyn,
Gregory Peck.

55
00:03:27,165 --> 00:03:29,041
Homer, I'm very
uncomfortable having

56
00:03:29,126 --> 00:03:31,377
a gang of crows
in our bedroom.

57
00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:36,799
It's a murder, honey.
A group of crows
is called a murder.

58
00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:39,218
I'm sleeping
on the couch.

59
00:03:46,018 --> 00:03:47,226
(CHOKING)

60
00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:51,981
Drop it in!
Don't cram it in!
Forget it! I'll do it myself.

61
00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:56,360
Aw, look.
Maggie wants to fly, too.

62
00:03:59,323 --> 00:04:02,241
Hey!
Cut it out!
Put her down!

63
00:04:12,336 --> 00:04:15,004
(EXCLAIMS IN RELIEF)
Thank God you're okay.

64
00:04:15,547 --> 00:04:19,508
Okay, that was not cool.
We need to lay down
some ground rules.

65
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,970
We'll get to that!
Right now, I think we
need some time apart!

66
00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:24,680
(CAWING ANGRILY)

67
00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:27,475
All right, that's it!
Shoo, you stupid crows!

68
00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:29,477
Shoo! Shoo! Shoo!

69
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:32,855
(SCREAMING)

70
00:04:34,191 --> 00:04:35,942
That is not a worm!

71
00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:37,860
(SCREAMING)

72
00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:48,204
Ow! Ow! I hate getting
stitches in my eyes!
Stupid crows!

73
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,414
Don't be mad at the crows,
Homer.

74
00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:51,916
They weren't
trying to blind you.

75
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,961
They were just trying
to drink your sweet,
sweet eye juices.

76
00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:57,254
Mmm. Fascinating.
Say, Doctor,

77
00:04:57,339 --> 00:05:00,257
can you do something
about my searing pain?

78
00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:04,178
Well, there is
a medication. Although,
it's a little controversial.

79
00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:05,471
Does it go in the butt?

80
00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,807
I'm talking about
medicinal marijuana.

81
00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:10,476
Prescription pot.
Texas THC.

82
00:05:10,769 --> 00:05:12,478
Look, man,
I don't do drugs!

83
00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:15,731
Homer, for your eyes,
the best tonic is chronic.

84
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:18,693
You're not afraid,
are you?

85
00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:21,696
I had a bad experience
with drugs.

86
00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:22,780
('60s ROCK PLAYING)

87
00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:24,031
HOMER: It was that
golden weekend between

88
00:05:24,116 --> 00:05:26,492
summer school
and regular school.

89
00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:28,661
Hey, Homer, want to
smoke some marijuana?

90
00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:30,413
They say
it's a gateway drug.

91
00:05:31,581 --> 00:05:34,625
Well, well.
If it isn't the
Doobie Brothers.

92
00:05:34,710 --> 00:05:36,794
Uh-oh.
Crotch the weed, man.

93
00:05:38,046 --> 00:05:40,548
Smell any drugs,
Sergeant Scraps?

94
00:05:40,632 --> 00:05:42,049
(SNIFFING)

95
00:05:42,926 --> 00:05:43,926
(SNARLS)

96
00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:45,386
(SCREAMS)

97
00:05:49,891 --> 00:05:54,854
For me, the '60s ended
that day in 1978.

98
00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:57,231
But, Homer, you can't let
a single bad experience

99
00:05:57,315 --> 00:05:58,566
scare you away
from drugs.

100
00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:01,861
But isn't marijuana,
or "dope," illegal?

101
00:06:01,945 --> 00:06:04,030
Only for those
who enjoy it.

102
00:06:04,239 --> 00:06:06,699
Medical use of
marijuana is legal
in this state.

103
00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:09,118
We'll also provide you
with a prescription bong.

104
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:10,369
(CHUCKLES)

105
00:06:10,454 --> 00:06:12,997
Do you want the wizard
or the skull?

106
00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:16,584
(SINGING) Occasions,
persuasions clutter your mind

107
00:06:16,668 --> 00:06:19,920
Incense and peppermints,
the color of time

108
00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:25,217
Okay, let's see.
"Toke as needed.

109
00:06:25,302 --> 00:06:29,638
"Caution, objects
may appear more edible
than they actually are."

110
00:06:31,266 --> 00:06:33,142
(INCENSE AND PEPPERMINTS
PLAYING)

111
00:06:35,854 --> 00:06:39,148
(SINGING)
Incense, peppermints

112
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:42,818
Incense, peppermints

113
00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:47,031
What's that billowing
down the stairs?

114
00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:49,408
(GASPS) It's smoke!

115
00:06:49,493 --> 00:06:53,162
(SNIFFS) It smells like
the art teacher's office.

116
00:06:53,455 --> 00:06:57,625
HOMER: (SINGING)
Smoke on the water

117
00:06:57,709 --> 00:07:01,295
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da!

118
00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:02,379
Uh-oh.

119
00:07:02,464 --> 00:07:05,966
Da-da-da-da-da!

120
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:09,720
They burned down
the gambling house

121
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:13,516
It died with an awful sound

122
00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:18,646
I am hungry for a candy bar

123
00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:21,690
I think I'll eat a Mounds

124
00:07:23,568 --> 00:07:24,819
(GASPING)

125
00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:26,987
Homer!
You're doing drugs!

126
00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:31,450
And now
I'm guilty of possession!
I could go to prison

127
00:07:31,535 --> 00:07:33,994
unless I testify
against you.

128
00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:37,331
Marge,
it's making my eyes better.
And it's legal.

129
00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:39,291
I could walk up to
the president

130
00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:41,836
and blow smoke in his
stupid, monkey face!

131
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,922
And he'd just
have to sit there
grooving on it.

132
00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:47,925
(SINGING)
Color sky Havana lake

133
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:52,513
Color sky rose carmethene

134
00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:56,559
Alizarian crimson

135
00:07:57,269 --> 00:07:59,228
Wear your love like heaven

136
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,313
Wear your love like heaven

137
00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:03,315
Wear your love like heaven

138
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,484
Wear your love like heaven

139
00:08:05,569 --> 00:08:08,070
Wear your love like heaven

140
00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:09,405
(TELEPHONE RINGING)

141
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,073
Hello?

142
00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:13,701
Marge, I just realized

143
00:08:13,785 --> 00:08:19,248
I am the "ow"
in the word "now."

144
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,458
And if you
tell anyone...

145
00:08:21,585 --> 00:08:23,210
Honey, I like it
when you call.

146
00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:25,921
But we just talked
five minutes ago.
(BEEPING ON THE LINE)

147
00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:28,674
Hang on,
I've got call waiting.
Hello?

148
00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:31,510
HOMER: Hey, it's me.
I've got Marge
on the other line

149
00:08:31,595 --> 00:08:34,180
and she is totally
bumming me out.

150
00:08:34,264 --> 00:08:35,264
(GROANS)

151
00:08:36,308 --> 00:08:37,975
(PLAYING BLUES)

152
00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:39,059
(CHUCKLES)

153
00:08:39,978 --> 00:08:42,229
Dad,
I thought you didn't
like her saxophone.

154
00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:45,065
I didn't. But now,
Daddy's special medicine,

155
00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:48,485
which you must never use
because it will
ruin your life,

156
00:08:48,570 --> 00:08:53,699
lets Daddy see
and hear magical things
you will never experience.

157
00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:55,326
Ever!

158
00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:58,954
Dad, it's 1:00 a.m.
and I'm out of saliva!

159
00:08:59,122 --> 00:09:00,372
(SHUSHING)

160
00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:02,166
(GROANS)

161
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,628
(PLAYING)

162
00:09:08,506 --> 00:09:11,550
HOMER: Wow.
That saxophone would
make a great pipe.

163
00:09:11,843 --> 00:09:13,177
(DOORBELL CHIMING)

164
00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:16,347
Hi-diddily-hey, Homer!

165
00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:17,389
Oh, my God!

166
00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:19,808
This dude does
the best Flanders!

167
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:22,144
You got the mustache
and the "diddily!"

168
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:23,771
Okay, now do Wiggum!

169
00:09:23,855 --> 00:09:25,147
(CHUCKLES)

170
00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:27,524
Homer, it's me. Ned.

171
00:09:27,817 --> 00:09:30,486
(CHUCKLES) Right.
The God dude.

172
00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:32,863
Hey,
I got a question for you.

173
00:09:32,948 --> 00:09:36,075
"Could Jesus microwave
a burrito so hot

174
00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:38,118
"that he himself
could not eat it?"

175
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:39,411
(SIGHS)

176
00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:43,499
Well, sir,
of course he could.
But then again,

177
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,960
wow, as melon-scratchers go,
that's a honey-doodle.

178
00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:47,878
Now you know what
I've been going through.

179
00:09:47,963 --> 00:09:49,546
Well, luckily,
I've got a book right here

180
00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:51,507
that's jam-packed
with answers.

181
00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:52,883
Mmm.

182
00:09:52,968 --> 00:09:55,928
Oh, man, this is long.
Could you read it to me?

183
00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:57,513
(GASPS IN DELIGHT)

184
00:09:57,847 --> 00:09:59,556
I guess that
could be arranged.

185
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:04,019
"The grace of the Lord Jesus
be with God's people.
The end."

186
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:07,439
Wow. Wow.

187
00:10:07,524 --> 00:10:11,068
God does so much for me
and he doesn't ask
anything in return.

188
00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:13,237
Well, I know he's wishing
you'd sign his petition

189
00:10:13,321 --> 00:10:15,614
to re-criminalize
medicinal marijuana.

190
00:10:15,699 --> 00:10:17,491
Done and done!
Now do Wiggum!

191
00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:20,703
Well, okay.
I guess it would go
something like this.

192
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:23,914
(IMITATING WIGGUM)
All right, Simpson,
you're under arrest, see?

193
00:10:23,999 --> 00:10:25,207
I said Wiggum!

194
00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:32,006
"And so, potential investors,
I hope you don't think
our IPO is an IPU."

195
00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:33,132
(CHUCKLES)

196
00:10:33,216 --> 00:10:36,677
Then I hold my nose thusly.
What do you think, Smithers?

197
00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:37,928
Bit of a downer, sir.

198
00:10:38,013 --> 00:10:39,805
Well, I hope
the investors like it.

199
00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:43,017
I have to raise $60 million
or we're out of business!

200
00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:44,184
Why is that, sir?

201
00:10:44,269 --> 00:10:46,478
I told you,
I pissed it away!

202
00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:48,564
Don't make that face.

203
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,566
Yes, that's the one.

204
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:53,902
Smithers, I need someone
who laughs at all my jokes.

205
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:56,238
You know, honest feedback.

206
00:10:56,740 --> 00:10:59,325
Oops! I thought
this was the can, man.

207
00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:00,451
(LAUGHING)

208
00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:03,871
Well, you're a happy Homer.
What's your name, young man?

209
00:11:03,955 --> 00:11:05,581
You just said it!

210
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:06,915
(LAUGHING)

211
00:11:08,752 --> 00:11:10,669
Well, if you like that,
listen to this.

212
00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:12,880
Working hard or
hardly working?

213
00:11:12,964 --> 00:11:14,465
(GUFFAWING)

214
00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:19,636
Smithers, you could
learn a thing or two
from this braying moron.

215
00:11:19,721 --> 00:11:23,265
Young man,
I'm making you my
executive vice president.

216
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:26,769
Sir, I believe
that position was
informally promised to me.

217
00:11:26,853 --> 00:11:30,564
No, Smithers.
I would've said anything
to get your stem cells.

218
00:11:30,815 --> 00:11:32,733
Now, welcome aboard!

219
00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:36,028
You're covered with
a very fine fuzz.

220
00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:41,909
(CHUCKLING)
"Hardly working."

221
00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:44,578
Where did you
get that suit?

222
00:11:44,662 --> 00:11:47,790
Whoa, whoa!
One question at a time!
Yes, you?

223
00:11:47,999 --> 00:11:49,875
Look, I'm really
starting to worry.

224
00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:53,629
There's half-eaten
cupcakes everywhere.
We're all out of paper clips.

225
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:56,006
And the curtains
smell like doob.

226
00:11:56,091 --> 00:11:58,801
Oh, yeah?
Well, I got news for you!

227
00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:03,097
I just got promoted,
and it's all thanks
to "Yes-I-cannabis!"

228
00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:04,181
(SCOFFS)

229
00:12:04,307 --> 00:12:05,599
We have a kitchen?

230
00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:08,185
(MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)

231
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:13,399
WOMAN ON TV: Now,
where are those three
chandelier-hangers I hired?

232
00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:14,441
(GLASS SHATTERING)

233
00:12:14,526 --> 00:12:17,653
MAN: You mutton heads!
This is why we can
never hold down a job.

234
00:12:17,821 --> 00:12:19,154
(LAUGHING)

235
00:12:21,533 --> 00:12:24,993
Look at Shemp.
He is so high!

236
00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:28,831
Hey, "Shemp" is "hemp"
spelled backwards.

237
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:32,626
And "Otto" is
"Otto" backwards!

238
00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:35,754
Now, I'm scared.

239
00:12:35,839 --> 00:12:37,714
Homie, I don't mean
to nag, but what does

240
00:12:37,799 --> 00:12:40,175
this have to do
with healing your eyes?

241
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:43,053
As soon as I graduate,
I am so out of here!

242
00:12:43,138 --> 00:12:46,223
KENT ON NEWS: This just in.
The Marijuana
Re-Criminalization Initiative

243
00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:49,059
took another
step forward today
as supporters collected

244
00:12:49,144 --> 00:12:51,812
the final signatures
required to place it
on the ballot

245
00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:53,522
for next Tuesday's election.

246
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:55,816
We got to get out and
stop that initiative!

247
00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:58,610
Marge, I'm gonna need
10,000 veggie burritos!

248
00:12:58,695 --> 00:12:59,945
No guac in mine.

249
00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:01,280
Good night, Homer.

250
00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:04,116
Dude, your mom is hot.

251
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,243
Don't encroach on our roach!
Don't encroach on our roach!

252
00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:10,831
(SINGING) You've got to
run like an antelope
out of control

253
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:16,295
(MUSIC STOPS)
(PEOPLE MURMURING)

254
00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:18,297
Okay, okay.
Hold on. Hold on.

255
00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:21,508
(SNIFFS)
I smell marijuana smoke.

256
00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:23,343
That better be medicinal!

257
00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:26,221
If Phish don't see
a prescription slip,
we are out of here!

258
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,474
We can wait all night,
people.

259
00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:29,683
Here we go.

260
00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:31,935
(MUMBLES GRAVELY)

261
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:35,063
Whoa!
This guy is seriously ill.

262
00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:39,818
My doctor never told me that.
I had to hear it from Phish.

263
00:13:39,903 --> 00:13:42,821
(SINGING) A one, a-two,
a you-know-what-to-do

264
00:13:43,072 --> 00:13:45,908
Run, run, run, run,
run, run, run, run,
run, run, run, run

265
00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:50,370
You've got to run
like an antelope
out of control

266
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:07,179
Thank you.
And now, a man
who's a real pothead.

267
00:14:07,263 --> 00:14:09,515
I'm sorry. "Pothead."

268
00:14:09,599 --> 00:14:11,266
Homer Simpson!

269
00:14:11,643 --> 00:14:13,018
(PEOPLE CHEERING)

270
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:17,564
Good afternoon.
I want to thank you all
for coming down here,

271
00:14:17,649 --> 00:14:19,858
taking time off
from your jobs.

272
00:14:19,943 --> 00:14:21,109
Jobs? What?
Jobs...

273
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:24,738
Because we need to keep
medical marijuana legal!

274
00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:26,073
(ALL CHEERING)

275
00:14:26,157 --> 00:14:27,866
Whether you suffer
from glaucoma

276
00:14:27,951 --> 00:14:30,160
or you just
rented The Matrix,

277
00:14:30,245 --> 00:14:33,956
medical marijuana
can make things
fabulous, medically.

278
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:35,582
(CHEERING)

279
00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:38,377
So, my mellow
fellow citizens,

280
00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:40,045
when you go into
that voting booth

281
00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:41,547
on Tuesday,
the seventh...

282
00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:42,673
(PEOPLE MURMURING)

283
00:14:42,757 --> 00:14:45,509
Uh, Homer,
that was yesterday.

284
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:54,601
Oh, man!
They already voted!
And we lost!

285
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:56,353
(DISAPPOINTED SIGHS)

286
00:14:56,521 --> 00:15:00,274
Oh, man!
I can't believe we
spaced on the date!

287
00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:01,608
What are we gonna do?

288
00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:02,901
Well,
we can't just stand here

289
00:15:02,986 --> 00:15:07,072
staring at our hands,
although... Wow!

290
00:15:07,824 --> 00:15:10,909
That's right!
I married that chick.

291
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:17,791
They call them fingers,
but I never see them fing.

292
00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:19,293
Oh, there they go.

293
00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:25,007
There we go. Dump all that
medical marijuana on there.

294
00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:30,012
(ALL SNIFFING)

295
00:15:30,388 --> 00:15:31,388
(ALL EXCLAIMING)

296
00:15:31,681 --> 00:15:34,057
Actually, that smoke is
a little too inviting.

297
00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:36,351
Throw on that
sack of barber hair.

298
00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:40,647
(ALL COUGHING)

299
00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:46,111
I could've smoked that pot
and worn that hair.

300
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:48,780
Homie, you don't
need drugs anymore.

301
00:15:48,865 --> 00:15:50,407
Your eyes are all better.

302
00:15:50,533 --> 00:15:52,784
Eyes? What the hell
are you talking about?

303
00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:57,247
I want my old dad back.
The one who was yelling
all the time and...

304
00:15:57,332 --> 00:15:59,791
You know, I'm not
really sure what I want.

305
00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:03,712
Homer, it's over.
I want you to look
at your children

306
00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:06,923
and promise them
you will never
do drugs again.

307
00:16:09,052 --> 00:16:11,470
All right,
I'll do it for my kids.

308
00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:13,221
As long as you're
doing things for me,

309
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:14,348
would you tie
up your bathrobe

310
00:16:14,432 --> 00:16:15,557
when you walk
around the house?

311
00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:16,725
Never!

312
00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:22,898
Yeah, I can still
crash here, right?

313
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,149
Get out.

314
00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:26,068
Remember when I
dropped my keys

315
00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:27,944
and you thought
the phone was ringing?

316
00:16:28,029 --> 00:16:29,446
(CHUCKLING)
Yeah.

317
00:16:30,948 --> 00:16:32,115
Get out.

318
00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:33,283
(SIGHS DESPONDENTLY)

319
00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:35,077
What's the matter, Homer?
You're drunk.

320
00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:36,662
But you're not
like sloppy drunk.

321
00:16:36,746 --> 00:16:39,831
Going cold turkey
isn't as delicious
as it sounds.

322
00:16:39,916 --> 00:16:42,834
Look, I'm really glad
you're off the wacky-tobacky.

323
00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:45,629
Yeah.
You were getting all
spacey and everything.

324
00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:47,005
We were gonna
have an intervention.

325
00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:50,467
Yeah.
But at the planning party,
I got alcohol poisoning.

326
00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:52,135
I nearly died.

327
00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:53,428
(LAUGHING)

328
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:56,973
I was already
making excuses not to
go to your funeral.

329
00:16:59,268 --> 00:17:01,812
It's been three days,
and my mind is clearer.

330
00:17:01,896 --> 00:17:04,690
My sperm count is up,
and I'm able to

331
00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:07,109
recognize simple
shapes and patterns.

332
00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:09,861
Dad, you just said that
three minutes ago.

333
00:17:09,946 --> 00:17:14,032
Unregardless,
I will no longer
be a slave to this!

334
00:17:14,325 --> 00:17:16,034
Why are you
keeping that thing?

335
00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:17,285
As a reminder, Marge.

336
00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:19,705
(RINGING)

337
00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:20,789
Yello.

338
00:17:20,998 --> 00:17:22,874
Ahoy-hoy, Executive V. P.

339
00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:25,585
I'm putting the final touches
on my speech to the investors.

340
00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:27,629
And I need your
generous guffaws.

341
00:17:27,714 --> 00:17:29,756
But I can't find
you funny anymore.

342
00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:32,968
I'll either tickle your ribs
or feed them to my dogs!

343
00:17:33,094 --> 00:17:36,179
Now, we're ordering out.
What would you like
on your pizza pie?

344
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:37,556
Extra cheese?

345
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:41,852
What do you take me for?
Lorenzo de' Medici?
See you soon.

346
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:43,979
Don't worry, Homie.

347
00:17:44,188 --> 00:17:47,566
You don't need Mary Jane
to laugh at Mr. Burns' jokes.

348
00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:49,192
Just picture him naked.

349
00:17:49,277 --> 00:17:50,277
(SHRIEKS)

350
00:17:50,361 --> 00:17:53,572
Or... With a funny hat on!

351
00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:54,906
(SCREAMING)

352
00:17:58,035 --> 00:18:00,996
"So, profit margins
will be thinner

353
00:18:01,122 --> 00:18:02,497
(CHUCKLING)

354
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:05,041
"than Louise Brooks'
negligee."

355
00:18:06,669 --> 00:18:11,214
You know, Louise Brooks,
the silent star of Lulu.

356
00:18:12,175 --> 00:18:13,800
(WHISPERING)
One of us has
got to start laughing.

357
00:18:13,885 --> 00:18:17,512
If Mr. Burns gets
flop sweat, he'll die
of dehydration.

358
00:18:17,972 --> 00:18:20,015
I'm drenched with sweat.

359
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,769
I'm going to
take a bathiola.

360
00:18:23,853 --> 00:18:26,730
When I come back,
you'd better be laughing.

361
00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:31,693
This stuff can
make anything funny,

362
00:18:31,819 --> 00:18:33,945
even that show
that follows Friends.

363
00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:36,615
But I promised my family
I wouldn't smoke it anymore.

364
00:18:36,699 --> 00:18:38,408
Well,
I've got to do something.

365
00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:40,243
Start inhaling, Waylon.

366
00:18:42,914 --> 00:18:45,332
This suit used to
belong to Judy Garland.

367
00:18:45,416 --> 00:18:48,251
We could sing a song
if you don't mind
being Mickey Rooney.

368
00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:51,213
You mean that
guy on 60 Minutes
who yells all the time?

369
00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:54,883
Sixty minutes? Oh, my God!
Mr. Burns has been in
the tub for an hour!

370
00:18:56,344 --> 00:18:57,552
(SCREAMING)

371
00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:06,853
Oh, Mr. Burns!
You were too beautiful
for this world.

372
00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:12,442
Oh, man. Oh, man.
We killed Mr. Burns!

373
00:19:12,527 --> 00:19:14,694
Mr. Burns is
gonna be so mad!

374
00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:16,822
The investors meeting
is in 20 minutes!

375
00:19:16,906 --> 00:19:18,990
So what?
Mr. Burns is dead!

376
00:19:19,075 --> 00:19:21,660
We can carry on.
Michael Eisner's been
dead for five years.

377
00:19:21,744 --> 00:19:25,121
Ted Turner's just a hologram.
Now, we got to think.

378
00:19:25,540 --> 00:19:29,042
So, when somebody says
I was an embarrassment
to the country,

379
00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:32,754
I say, "It depends on
what the meaning
of 'was' is, jerk!"

380
00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:34,005
(CHUCKLING)

381
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:37,634
You owe me $200,000.
Good night, everybody!

382
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:43,932
Bill Clinton, everyone!
He's Jimmy Carter
with a Fox attitude!

383
00:19:45,893 --> 00:19:49,354
And now,
a man you will see
is definitely not dead,

384
00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:51,731
Mr. Montgomery Burns!

385
00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:53,233
(AUDIENCE CLAPPING)

386
00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:02,033
Mr. Burns,
as we're running long,
may we skip your speech

387
00:20:02,118 --> 00:20:03,785
and go directly
to the questions?

388
00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:08,331
Mr. Burns,
a two-part question.

389
00:20:08,416 --> 00:20:10,834
One, when will you
see a profit again?

390
00:20:10,918 --> 00:20:14,629
And two,
what's that red stuff
coming out of your ear?

391
00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:17,257
Mr. Burns,
may I field that one?

392
00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:20,802
It's true
we're losing money.

393
00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:26,641
But there's no reason
we can't dance, dance,
dance the night away!

394
00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:30,103
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

395
00:20:46,162 --> 00:20:47,162
(AUDIENCE GASPING)

396
00:20:53,794 --> 00:20:56,212
Mr. Burns has
left the building!

397
00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:58,131
ALL: We are mollified!

398
00:20:58,215 --> 00:21:00,008
We are mollified!

399
00:21:01,636 --> 00:21:03,595
Brilliant.
We lost $60 million

400
00:21:03,679 --> 00:21:05,263
and they're
cheering for more.

401
00:21:05,348 --> 00:21:08,433
(GASPS) Mr. Burns,
you're alive!

402
00:21:08,517 --> 00:21:11,478
Yes.
I regained consciousness
during my big dance number.

403
00:21:11,562 --> 00:21:13,521
Those strings pulling me
every which way

404
00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:15,231
jostled my heart
from its slumber.

405
00:21:15,524 --> 00:21:17,943
And you wanted to
take him to the hospital!

406
00:21:18,194 --> 00:21:21,613
Oh, and you didn't?
Well, the worm has
finally shown its fangs!

407
00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:23,531
Smithers,
make me slap him!

408
00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:26,242
You call that a slap?
Make me slap you.

409
00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:28,578
Now, both.

410
00:21:28,663 --> 00:21:30,205
Now, just you.

411
00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:31,957
Now, give me a taste.

412
00:21:33,084 --> 00:21:35,001
Now, both again.

413
00:21:37,338 --> 00:21:39,172
MR. BURNS: Now, all three.
(SLAPPING SOUNDS)

414
00:21:39,548 --> 00:21:40,882
Excellent.

415
00:22:29,015 --> 00:22:30,015
ENGLISH - US - PSDH