1
00:00:04,046 --> 00:00:07,131
(SINGING) The Simpsons

2
00:00:07,257 --> 00:00:08,257
(TIRES SCREECHING)

3
00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:11,427
D'oh!

4
00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:12,512
(SCREAMS)

5
00:00:12,596 --> 00:00:13,638
(BRAKES SCREECHING)

6
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,319
(CHILDREN CLAMORING)

7
00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:40,081
Manjula, why did you bring
the octuplets to work?

8
00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:42,542
This is supposed to be
our special time together.

9
00:00:42,626 --> 00:00:44,335
Some special time.

10
00:00:44,420 --> 00:00:46,504
I get
to stand around
watching you sell

11
00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:49,298
fatty poisons to
overfed Americans.

12
00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:53,469
You'd think that would
deter me, but no.

13
00:00:56,098 --> 00:00:58,182
Look. Please, can you
just take the children home?

14
00:00:58,267 --> 00:01:01,728
The porno magazine buyers are
too embarrassed to make their
move. Look.

15
00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:03,271
(WHISTLING)

16
00:01:04,356 --> 00:01:05,356
Come on.

17
00:01:05,441 --> 00:01:07,567
All right.
Let's go, children.

18
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,072
Cleanup in
all the aisles.

19
00:01:13,157 --> 00:01:14,157
(GROANING)

20
00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:17,827
Welcome, steady customer.

21
00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:20,663
I see you are ready
for the Civil War
reenactment.

22
00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:22,165
I need some supplies.

23
00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:25,918
A keg of beer and a six-pack
to hold me until I tap
the keg.

24
00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:27,503
Here you go.
Thanks.

25
00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:29,088
Are you sure
you don't want to come?

26
00:01:29,173 --> 00:01:33,009
In a Civil War
reenactment, we need
lots of Indians to shoot.

27
00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:36,053
I don't know which part
of that sentence to
correct first.

28
00:01:36,138 --> 00:01:39,182
But I cannot come.
I work 22 hours a day

29
00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:41,726
and then I
go home to a wife
who will not touch me.

30
00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:44,604
The Indian rope trick
has become the Indian
nope trick.

31
00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:45,688
(EXCLAIMING)

32
00:01:49,401 --> 00:01:51,360
(GASPING)
The Squishee Lady!

33
00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:52,570
Oh, my God.

34
00:01:53,489 --> 00:01:56,783
I know you must
get this all the time,
but can I suggest a flavor?

35
00:01:56,867 --> 00:01:57,950
Go ahead.

36
00:01:58,035 --> 00:01:59,535
Grape.
Mmm.

37
00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:02,538
Hello, Annette.

38
00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:03,956
How's life, handsome?

39
00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:06,209
Oh, take a penny,
leave a penny.

40
00:02:08,587 --> 00:02:10,463
Hey, she called me
"handsome."

41
00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:12,173
She likes you.

42
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:14,008
Put in a good word
for grape.

43
00:02:14,092 --> 00:02:15,843
Come on, guys!
We're gonna be late!

44
00:02:15,928 --> 00:02:18,805
Okay, okay.
Don't go Mary Todd on us.

45
00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:20,306
(MUSIC PLAYING)

46
00:02:29,233 --> 00:02:30,316
Come on, Barney.

47
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:33,861
If you're
gonna be General Grant,
you have to have a drink.

48
00:02:33,946 --> 00:02:36,739
Yeah, but I'm
a recovering alcoholic, so...

49
00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:38,407
One drink won't hurt.

50
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:44,330
(EXCLAIMING)
Hey, you're right.

51
00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:46,624
I was afraid it would
start me drinking again,

52
00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:48,209
but it didn't!
Mmm-hmm.

53
00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:53,005
The second battle
of Springfield was
fought by the North,

54
00:02:53,757 --> 00:02:56,384
the South,
and the East

55
00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:58,010
(MEN MURMURING)

56
00:02:58,095 --> 00:03:00,346
to keep Springfield
in, out of,

57
00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:02,682
and next
to the Union,
respectively.

58
00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:04,851
Now, the actual battle
was fought over there

59
00:03:04,935 --> 00:03:06,978
where that man
is standing,

60
00:03:07,104 --> 00:03:09,188
but he won't move,
so we'll do it here.

61
00:03:09,273 --> 00:03:13,317
Very good. And now,
let the battle be joined.

62
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:18,656
(PEOPLE YELLING)

63
00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,032
Bang, bang.

64
00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:21,409
Pow, pow.

65
00:03:21,785 --> 00:03:25,580
Hit with stick.
Hit with stick.
Die, you bastard.

66
00:03:25,956 --> 00:03:28,708
(NEIGHING)
Whoa. Whoa, damn it.

67
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:32,003
For me, the war is over!

68
00:03:33,463 --> 00:03:36,465
This battlefield is
rife with inaccuracy.

69
00:03:37,593 --> 00:03:39,552
You, dead people,
stop playing cards!

70
00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:42,430
And Stonewall Jackson,
stop rollerblading!

71
00:03:42,514 --> 00:03:44,390
(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING)

72
00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:47,768
(EXCLAIMING)

73
00:03:48,312 --> 00:03:50,688
The South will boogie again!

74
00:03:53,275 --> 00:03:54,275
(GRUNTING)

75
00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:56,569
This was supposed
to be a mock battle!

76
00:03:56,653 --> 00:03:59,030
Mock! Don't worry.

77
00:03:59,114 --> 00:04:02,658
I'm just gonna drain
the area around your wound.

78
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:05,578
So cold. So cold.

79
00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:07,038
(GUNS FIRING)

80
00:04:07,039 --> 00:04:08,039
(GUNS FIRING)

81
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:11,417
BROKAW:
We are gathered
here this Memorial Day

82
00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:15,254
to once again honor
you World War II veterans.

83
00:04:15,339 --> 00:04:18,841
Truly, you are
the greatest generation.

84
00:04:19,301 --> 00:04:21,427
Keep it coming, Brokaw!

85
00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:24,931
Lauding
your legacy
is a labor of love.

86
00:04:25,015 --> 00:04:27,642
You're damn right, it is!
You can't thank us enough!

87
00:04:27,726 --> 00:04:30,269
Every generation stinks
but ours!

88
00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:32,688
(PEOPLE HOOTING)

89
00:04:33,732 --> 00:04:34,774
Uh-oh.

90
00:04:34,858 --> 00:04:38,277
Sounds like America's
enemies are at it again.

91
00:04:38,362 --> 00:04:41,405
Greatest generation
to the rescue!

92
00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:47,912
And when I come back,
I want a foot rub!

93
00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,288
Yes, master.

94
00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:54,251
General, I hereby surrender.

95
00:04:54,336 --> 00:04:57,630
Ow! Not the pointed end,
you dumbass!

96
00:04:57,965 --> 00:04:59,465
(PEOPLE YELLING)

97
00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:02,969
Reinforcements!

98
00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:04,387
(ALL CHEERING)

99
00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:09,976
Tanks? Oh, this is
just too inaccurate.

100
00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:12,561
Well, then you're
definitely not going

101
00:05:12,688 --> 00:05:14,981
to like my
steam-powered
super spider.

102
00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:19,318
With the stepping
and the squishing and
the webs made of nylon.

103
00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:30,079
FRINK: The nylon
has been released!

104
00:05:31,415 --> 00:05:34,834
Now, you just
take the kids home.
I've gotta return this keg.

105
00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:37,169
Are you sure you can
get your deposit back?

106
00:05:37,254 --> 00:05:38,879
It's in pretty bad shape.

107
00:05:38,964 --> 00:05:41,924
Why do you always take
the side of local merchants?

108
00:05:42,968 --> 00:05:46,512
Now, Apu,
when you gave me
this keg, it had dents.

109
00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:47,930
And here's proof.

110
00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:51,308
Hey. Apu?

111
00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:53,352
(WOMAN GIGGLING)

112
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:55,354
(MUTTERING)

113
00:05:55,439 --> 00:05:59,191
That giggle is none of
my business, or is it?

114
00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:04,280
(WOMAN MOANING)

115
00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:10,870
APU: Squishee Lady,
you've had less than
eight kids, haven't you?

116
00:06:10,954 --> 00:06:12,288
Haven't you?

117
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:14,290
(APU AND ANNETTE GIGGLING)

118
00:06:50,452 --> 00:06:51,827
(GROANING)

119
00:06:53,538 --> 00:06:55,081
(APU AND ANNETTE MOANING)

120
00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:07,510
Please do the Hindu
that you do so well.

121
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:08,677
(CHUCKLING)

122
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:10,262
Avert your eyes, eunuch.

123
00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:11,430
(BOTH MOANING)

124
00:07:11,515 --> 00:07:13,099
(SCREAMING)
What's a eunuch?

125
00:07:14,518 --> 00:07:16,268
"Unique... Unite..."

126
00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:17,645
(SCREAMING)

127
00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:19,271
Homie, what's wrong?

128
00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:20,397
Nothing. Nothing.

129
00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:22,191
There's nothing
eating me up inside.

130
00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:27,696
Oh. It must
be something big.

131
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:28,781
Hmm.

132
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:33,869
Something you did?
No! Something you saw?

133
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:35,454
(GASPING)

134
00:07:35,539 --> 00:07:37,998
Apu is having
an affair?

135
00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:39,667
I know.
Can you believe it?

136
00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:42,002
Oh, Manjula's
just gonna die!

137
00:07:42,087 --> 00:07:43,963
How did you find out?

138
00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:47,133
In my role as customer,
I saw the whole thing.

139
00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:49,093
Oh, this is so awkward.

140
00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:51,804
Today's the day
we play badminton with them.

141
00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:54,723
Oh, I hope
no one makes
any double entendres.

142
00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:56,517
(BOTH GRUNTING)

143
00:07:57,185 --> 00:08:00,896
Oh, Apu,
you keep scoring
while my back is turned.

144
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:02,439
(BOTH GROANING)

145
00:08:02,524 --> 00:08:04,483
Are you sure
you're not cheating?

146
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:05,860
(GROANING)

147
00:08:06,111 --> 00:08:08,904
Now, Manjula,
do you want me to
find another partner?

148
00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:13,200
No! No, no, let's
just keep playing.
What's the score?

149
00:08:13,285 --> 00:08:15,578
Dirty love.
I mean 30-love!

150
00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:17,913
I mean,
anyone for penis?

151
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:20,040
(GROANING)
I'll just get
the shuttlecock.

152
00:08:20,125 --> 00:08:21,250
Oh!

153
00:08:23,128 --> 00:08:24,128
(CRYING)

154
00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:31,886
Here, guys.
Why don't we play this?

155
00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:33,596
(ETHNIC MUSIC PLAYING)

156
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,139
(SINGING GIBBERISH)

157
00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:51,363
Marge, why are you crying?

158
00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:53,282
You're not in
any physical pain,

159
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:56,035
the only kind of pain
a man can understand.

160
00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:59,079
We have
to do something to
save that marriage.

161
00:08:59,164 --> 00:09:00,164
(SIGHING)

162
00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:04,543
Maybe I should
just tell Manjula.
Or you could talk to Apu.

163
00:09:04,628 --> 00:09:06,378
He already knows.

164
00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:07,546
Let's tell Krusty.

165
00:09:07,631 --> 00:09:09,131
What would
that accomplish?

166
00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:12,801
That guy's hilarious.
His reaction would
be priceless.

167
00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:14,678
HOMER: Apu is cheating.

168
00:09:15,430 --> 00:09:18,474
That's sad.
All those kids.

169
00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:21,393
I think he's building
to something.

170
00:09:23,647 --> 00:09:28,067
So anyway,
if you take that bottle
down and pass it around...

171
00:09:28,151 --> 00:09:31,904
I know. I know.
There will be 47 bottles
of beer on the wall. Yes.

172
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:33,864
Homer, you did not
bring me here for this.

173
00:09:33,949 --> 00:09:35,366
What is it that
you want to tell me?

174
00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:38,035
Okay. This isn't easy, so
I'm just gonna come out
and say it.

175
00:09:38,119 --> 00:09:41,580
Let's say this
pepper got married
to this salt shaker,

176
00:09:41,665 --> 00:09:45,334
and along comes
sexy Mrs. Dash.

177
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:48,712
Homie, it's
11:00 at night.
Have you told him yet?

178
00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:50,589
A girl in the bar!
What do we do?

179
00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:52,549
Watch and learn,
you dinks.

180
00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:55,219
Ma'am.

181
00:09:55,637 --> 00:09:57,930
Is there something
you want to tell me?

182
00:09:58,014 --> 00:10:00,849
I saw you and
that Squishee Lady

183
00:10:01,184 --> 00:10:03,310
canoodling like
junkyard rabbits!

184
00:10:03,395 --> 00:10:05,479
(EXCLAIMING) It's true.

185
00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:08,524
It only
happened once,
but I am so ashamed.

186
00:10:08,692 --> 00:10:10,025
I am scum.

187
00:10:10,151 --> 00:10:11,485
(CRYING)

188
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:14,780
Yes, you are scum.

189
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,617
What do you think
I should do?

190
00:10:18,702 --> 00:10:21,453
Tell that woman it's over
between you and her.

191
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:23,789
Yes. First thing
in the morning,
I promise.

192
00:10:23,873 --> 00:10:26,542
Hey, Marge, you care
for a tropical drink?

193
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,252
Sure. (SNIFFING)

194
00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:29,628
Is that Windex?

195
00:10:29,713 --> 00:10:32,298
It's Windelle.
I can't afford Windex.

196
00:10:36,678 --> 00:10:39,179
(SIGHING)
Okay, Apu,
be strong.

197
00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:43,642
Before you measure
my syrup levels,
I must talk to you.

198
00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:44,977
While you talk,

199
00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:47,479
I'm just
gonna help myself
to some licorice rope.

200
00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:50,274
As much as I enjoy
your company, and
I truly do,

201
00:10:50,358 --> 00:10:53,319
I must insist that from
this point forward,
we not...

202
00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:55,946
Oh, my goodness!
What are you doing?

203
00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:58,407
(GROANING)

204
00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:02,870
Whoa, ha-mahatama, hatama,
hatama, hatama, hatama,
hatama, hatama.

205
00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:09,418
Not tonight.
I said not tonight.

206
00:11:10,462 --> 00:11:12,713
Wait, something's wrong.

207
00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:15,215
Why aren't you
pressuring me
for sex?

208
00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:16,925
Oh, I'm just happy
to lie here

209
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:18,844
appreciating
and respecting you.

210
00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:21,722
Okay, Buster,
what is going on?

211
00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:25,392
Nothing! How can you even
accuse me of repeated
infidelity?

212
00:11:25,477 --> 00:11:28,187
I am so angry, I could just,
I could fall asleep! I...

213
00:11:28,271 --> 00:11:30,105
(SNORING)

214
00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:35,152
...completely innocent.

215
00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:37,363
(GASPING)

216
00:11:37,447 --> 00:11:40,032
Apu! Come here a moment!

217
00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:43,786
This better be good because
you are interrupting
my faithfulness...

218
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:44,870
Oh, boy.

219
00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:48,999
I took the tape out of
the store surveillance
camera. Look.

220
00:11:49,084 --> 00:11:52,378
ANNETTE: Oh, Apu,
scratch and win!

221
00:11:52,796 --> 00:11:55,714
APU: Mmm!
That's good adultery!

222
00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:57,132
(WHIMPERING)

223
00:11:57,675 --> 00:11:59,426
Oh, I am
so sorry, Manjula.

224
00:11:59,511 --> 00:12:02,179
Oh! Get out
of my home, Apu!

225
00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:07,309
(ALL HISSING)

226
00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:12,898
(SIGHING)

227
00:12:12,982 --> 00:12:16,318
I always thought
karma was baloney,
but not anymore.

228
00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:19,154
Caramel baloney.

229
00:12:21,157 --> 00:12:25,202
Hey, Kirk Van Houten.
I live across the way.

230
00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:28,705
If you don't like
losing at cribbage,
stay out of my place.

231
00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:29,915
Okay.

232
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:32,000
No, no!
I'll let you win.
I'll let you win.

233
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:34,628
God, I'm really lonely.

234
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,965
Welcome back to
Inside The Actors Studio.

235
00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:39,591
We've met
Rainier Wolfcastle,

236
00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:42,928
actor, novelist,
barbecue sauce
spokesman.

237
00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:45,139
Now can we meet McBain?

238
00:12:45,557 --> 00:12:47,599
Let me get into character.

239
00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:52,020
Okay, I'm McBain.

240
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:56,900
All right, Mendoza!

241
00:12:56,985 --> 00:13:01,071
I'll give you
the Maxwell Circuit
if you put down my daughter.

242
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:02,406
(EXCLAIMS)

243
00:13:05,535 --> 00:13:09,204
It's a pleasure to
eat your lead, good sir.

244
00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:13,667
Kids, we want to talk
to you about something.

245
00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:16,920
You might hear from
your friends or co-workers

246
00:13:17,005 --> 00:13:19,756
that Apu isn't
living at home anymore.

247
00:13:19,841 --> 00:13:22,926
I just wish there was
something we could do.

248
00:13:23,178 --> 00:13:24,178
Oh.

249
00:13:24,262 --> 00:13:27,431
Oh, Homer,
are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

250
00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:28,974
You bet I am.

251
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,852
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

252
00:13:32,395 --> 00:13:35,439
You can run,
but you can't glide!

253
00:13:38,193 --> 00:13:40,360
USA! USA!

254
00:13:40,445 --> 00:13:44,907
Tonight, we invite both
Manjula and Apu for dinner,

255
00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:47,993
but we don't tell them
the other one's coming.

256
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:51,038
And Krusty.
We gotta invite Krusty.

257
00:13:51,122 --> 00:13:53,499
I keep telling you,
off-camera,

258
00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:56,084
he's a desperately
unhappy man.

259
00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:59,963
But if we
remind Apu and Manjula
of why they fell in love,

260
00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:02,174
maybe they can
work out their problems.

261
00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:05,427
Yeah! 'Cause if they don't...

262
00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:06,929
(IMITATING LASER BLASTS)

263
00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:14,603
Manjula, we've got
a special guest
for you.

264
00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:16,522
Is it my
husband's whore?

265
00:14:16,606 --> 00:14:18,065
Even better!

266
00:14:18,942 --> 00:14:20,776
This is going great!

267
00:14:21,152 --> 00:14:25,280
Look who's here!
It's this thing!

268
00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:29,868
I am Ganesh, your god.

269
00:14:30,954 --> 00:14:32,204
I am truly screwed.

270
00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:37,042
I order you
to get back together
or I'll suck your blood!

271
00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:38,377
Blah, blah!

272
00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:40,003
LISA: Bart,
stick to the script.

273
00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:41,171
Don't be a jerk.

274
00:14:41,256 --> 00:14:43,590
You're the jerk.
You're the jerk!

275
00:14:43,675 --> 00:14:45,634
(BOTH GROANING)

276
00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:53,392
I know you have all gone
to a lot of trouble to
meddle in my affairs,

277
00:14:53,643 --> 00:14:56,687
but you
cannot change my mind
with one night of blasphemy

278
00:14:56,771 --> 00:15:00,399
and store-bought tandoori.
Or should I say blandoori?

279
00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:01,608
(GASPING)

280
00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:03,443
(CRYING)
Manjula, please.

281
00:15:03,528 --> 00:15:05,070
I have known we were
meant to be together

282
00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:07,573
ever since my mother
forced me to marry you.

283
00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:08,865
If you give me
another chance,

284
00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:10,867
I'll do anything
to make it up to you.

285
00:15:11,536 --> 00:15:12,536
Mmm.

286
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,288
Come here, you.

287
00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:18,625
These are divorce papers!
Consider yourself served!

288
00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:23,839
Hey, pally. Where do
you want the Fudge Mahal?

289
00:15:25,675 --> 00:15:27,926
Uh, we didn't order that.

290
00:15:28,886 --> 00:15:31,847
HOMER: (WHISPERING)
Can I lick your fingers?
Meet me at the mail slot.

291
00:15:37,562 --> 00:15:41,106
I have to warn you,
Apu does not have
very much money.

292
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:42,649
Are you absolutely sure?

293
00:15:42,734 --> 00:15:44,860
Because legally,
I am allowed to
shake him

294
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:47,863
by the ankles and
see what falls out.

295
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:51,366
It's established in the case
of Lawyers v. Justice.

296
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:53,994
(CHUCKLING) That was
a wonderful day for us.

297
00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:55,203
(MUTTERING)

298
00:15:56,205 --> 00:15:58,498
Now, we have
eight children.

299
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:00,792
Will that affect
the settlement?

300
00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:02,461
(LAUGHING)

301
00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:04,630
Perhaps.

302
00:16:05,506 --> 00:16:07,549
(HUMMING)

303
00:16:09,093 --> 00:16:11,720
No offense,
but you remind me
of the monkey man

304
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,639
who slaughtered
my family's chickens.

305
00:16:13,723 --> 00:16:15,891
Yes. I get that a lot.

306
00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:18,935
I have to think
all of this over.

307
00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:20,896
I still have
feelings for Apu.

308
00:16:21,898 --> 00:16:23,398
I understand.

309
00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:25,317
Who is Apu?

310
00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:29,196
The face of divorce is not
as beautiful as I had hoped.

311
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:30,989
Perhaps there
is another way.

312
00:16:31,074 --> 00:16:36,161
When will you humans learn
that your feelings, as you
call them,

313
00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:40,415
can stand in the way
of big cash payoffs?

314
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:42,167
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

315
00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:45,003
(HUMMING)

316
00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:51,802
Manjula, come quick!
The octuplets said
their first words.

317
00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:53,679
Mommy...
Will...

318
00:16:53,763 --> 00:16:54,805
You...
Let...

319
00:16:54,889 --> 00:16:56,098
Daddy...
Come...

320
00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:57,349
Back?
Cookie!

321
00:16:57,433 --> 00:16:59,935
Oh. They miss their father.

322
00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:02,604
Are you sure you don't
want to take him back?

323
00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:07,442
Well, I do, but I don't
want him to think that
I am a doormat.

324
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,027
I need payback!

325
00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:11,613
All right!
Girls night out!

326
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:14,074
Exotic male dancers
at the Golden Banana!

327
00:17:14,158 --> 00:17:16,451
No. I want him to suffer.

328
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:19,746
Oh. Well, when Homer
does something wrong,

329
00:17:19,831 --> 00:17:22,624
I write a list of ways
he can make it up to me.

330
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:25,460
Then I shred the list
and put it in his food.

331
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,671
All right.
We will write a list.

332
00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:28,839
At the Golden Banana?

333
00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:29,965
No!

334
00:17:30,174 --> 00:17:31,174
Oh.

335
00:17:31,592 --> 00:17:36,596
Over, under, round and round
so your feet won't touch
the ground.

336
00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:42,436
Now let's see
what awaits me
in the next life.

337
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:48,066
First I was a tiger, a snake,
a clod, a goat with a hat,
then me.

338
00:17:48,151 --> 00:17:51,737
A tapeworm,
then assistant
to Lorne Michaels!

339
00:17:52,447 --> 00:17:55,115
It's going to be
a rough couple
of lifetimes.

340
00:17:57,326 --> 00:17:58,368
Manjula!

341
00:17:58,453 --> 00:18:00,829
Oh, Apu,
you are such
a Brahma queen.

342
00:18:01,664 --> 00:18:03,081
Have you come
to forgive me?

343
00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:04,624
I am willing to
take you back...

344
00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:07,502
Really?
Provided you
complete these tasks.

345
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,838
"Number one,
break up with
Squishee girl."

346
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:11,465
Well, that's a no-brainer.

347
00:18:11,549 --> 00:18:13,091
"Number two, lose weight.

348
00:18:13,176 --> 00:18:16,094
"Number three, get cartoon
published in New Yorker.

349
00:18:16,179 --> 00:18:20,307
"Number four,
legally change name
to Slime Q. Slimedog.

350
00:18:20,391 --> 00:18:23,602
"Number five, wear
nametag that says same."

351
00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:27,439
I know
a great nametag place.
They do fabulous work.

352
00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:28,857
It's where I got this.

353
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:33,862
So our relationship is over,
is that what you're saying?

354
00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:35,697
Yes, I'm afraid so.

355
00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:38,158
Well, we had fun.

356
00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:41,203
Hey, Apu,
I think she likes you.

357
00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:47,375
(GROANS)

358
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:49,169
This Squishee's awful.

359
00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:53,256
I only sell Smooshies now.
Squishees reminded me
of my misdeeds.

360
00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:57,302
My Smooshie tastes
like a shopping bag.

361
00:18:57,386 --> 00:18:59,888
(COUGHING)
Mine tastes
like dog fur!

362
00:19:00,181 --> 00:19:02,057
Yes, but look
at the deliveryman.

363
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:03,725
He is hideous.

364
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:06,603
Oh, a challenge!

365
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:10,315
(WHOOPING)

366
00:19:11,859 --> 00:19:13,944
Wait a minute!
This isn't on the list!

367
00:19:14,028 --> 00:19:16,571
It's been on my list
for a long time!

368
00:19:22,286 --> 00:19:23,411
Not bad, eh?

369
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:26,706
I bought the issue for
Richard Avedon's
pictures of Lenny.

370
00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:31,711
"Eliza, where the devil
are my slippers?"

371
00:19:34,966 --> 00:19:36,341
Bravo! Bravo!

372
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:40,136
"My Fair Lady performed
with all-octuplet cast."
Done.

373
00:19:41,389 --> 00:19:42,347
HOMER: Good show! Yeah!

374
00:19:42,431 --> 00:19:43,515
MARGE: Yeah!

375
00:19:43,599 --> 00:19:45,141
It was magic.

376
00:19:45,226 --> 00:19:49,813
He took a Cockney flower girl
and turned her into
My Fair Lady.

377
00:19:49,897 --> 00:19:52,691
I liked all the roles
filled by minority actors.

378
00:19:52,775 --> 00:19:54,860
Why, I didn't
even notice.

379
00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:57,487
Apu, you have
completed the list.

380
00:19:57,572 --> 00:19:59,197
You may now move
back with your family

381
00:19:59,282 --> 00:20:01,074
and your
never-ending disgrace.

382
00:20:01,158 --> 00:20:04,452
Wait, wait!
You forgot to
eat a light bulb.

383
00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:07,414
Thank you very much,
you big fat blabbermouth!

384
00:20:07,498 --> 00:20:11,042
I... Sorry, sorry.
It's been a rough month.

385
00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:15,589
Here you go.
Don't worry, I soaked it
in the toilet to soften it up.

386
00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,301
(BOTH SIGHING)

387
00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:25,056
So, back in the old bed.
I never realized
it was so wide.

388
00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:27,934
Yes, back to our
marital closeness.

389
00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:31,521
Maybe we can't rush things.

390
00:20:31,606 --> 00:20:34,816
Oh, Apu, I want us
to be a family again.

391
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:39,195
But it will take some time.
We will know when it feels
right again.

392
00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:41,656
Whenever you are ready.

393
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:43,325
(BOTH MOANING)

394
00:21:53,062 --> 00:21:54,062
ENGLISH - US - PSDH